I got the feedback that it might be better for this to be split up into digestable chunks so this is just the second half. The next chapter is new tho, about a third of the initially planned third chapter; The rest of it will follow once the next "digestable chunk" is done.
Part II: Reflection (Act II: "The Water of the Womb")
"We force it down
Put on a play to hide our shame
no wonder we're in chains"
-from Amy Lee's "Push the Button"
Eventually, the time came for Blue Diamond to take her place as a full-fledged member of the authority.
It had taken her longer than Yellow (who, in hindsight, must probably be considered to have been somewhat precocious), but eventually, White declared her suitable, or rather, resigned herself to conceding that Blue's conduct and performance were now as close to her conception of 'suitable' as they were ever going to get.
The competition that Yellow had once grimly expected never materialized – instead, they would each comfortably settle into their own roles, largely staying out of each other's way, or even complementing one another despite their differences.
The disparities between them only became more apparent once they each had their own jurisdictions to oversee and somewhat more leeway to conduct their own projects and put their own stamp on the worlds they oversaw.
But even when it came to working together to steer the empire as a whole, they would each bring in precisely the qualities that the other could not.
Where Yellow was forceful, commanding and resolute, Blue was a calm, ethereal, persuasive presence.
Where Yellow was bold, experimental and without much artifice, Blue would be proper, elegant and reserved, with a taste for beauty and decorum.
Where Yellow had an affinity for research and technology, Blue had the patient, gentle hand needed by magic and mysticism.
And where Yellow had long mastered mass production, Blue would come to excel at creating elite gems with rare, unique abilities whose vast powers proved to be of great use despite the relatively smart numbers in which they could be produced.
Yellow would stick to minding the armies, as well as research and development, which had always been her forte, and Blue would handle most representative functions, a lot of judiciary proceedings and many of the subtler ways to pursue the empire's interests (though calling it 'Diplomacy' would have been considered an euphemism by the representatives of other space-faring peoples, who knew well just how easily they could themselves become targets and find themselves dealing with the stick rather than the carrot)
This resulted in an emergent pattern where Yellow would concern herself with steadily expanding the bounds of the empire while Blue would keep the peace within them.
As for White, having the two of them traveling around the outlying colonies to handle anything that might come come up allowed her to direct all her time and energy to hold down the fort on the homeworld and directing administrative matters from there, which all things considered, suited her best.
Even so, she saw this as a matter of delegation rather than specialization, as the most important being taking on what she knew to be the most important tasks.
For all that these fraught, flawed beings might lean on each other, just like all the types of lower-ranked gems worked together to create a magnificent whole, the idea that they could have added anything to her that she didn't already have – well, in White's frame of mind, that would have been so absurd that the thought never occurred to her.
It was like expecting the rivers to run uphill to pour back into their sources, or waiting for heat to congregate in a corner of the room instead of spreading out, or expecting a vial of poison to remain as potent as its undiluted form once it had been watered down.
Everything they were, she was, along with everything they were not.
Thus she never hesitated to overrule them when their conceptions of what added to the empire's good differed too far from hers – As gently as she could but as adamantly as they made it necessary, because no matter what it took or what price it may require of them, she must always get her way, because, by her very nature, she always knew what's best.
Having Yellow and Blue around was certainly a convenience, but it could not possibly be a help. She could not allow them to be that, anymore than she could permit herself to need such a thing.
Of course, she still had a large number of worlds which she oversaw directly, and every couple of centuries or so, she would direct her elites to go fetch some more, but she never stepped foot on any of them save from the very oldest ones in her collection.
Half of the governors she had put in place had not actually heard her voice often enough to recognize it, not even over subspace transmissions or sounding through some unfortunate soul whose form she may have seized for her own use.
There was a bit of a rumor among the agates that no one who got summoned to see her ever lived to tell the tale, though this could easily have been disproved by the jades in the capital, where she would still make semi-regular appearances in those days, if she felt so inclined.
None of them could count on her presence, none of them deserved it –
Her empty throne was just enough for them, suspended up high where no one could reach, with not even stairs to lead there.
Like her omnipresent symbols, it ought to suffice to remind them of her presence, her might and all she asked of each and every one of them.
They should not need her to be there, and she should not have to appear before them as if that were needed to keep them in line.
Besides, she had her ways of knowing, her watchful eye, her thousands of ears and her means of being in more than one place at once, to grasp the world without touching it or allowing herself to be touched by it.
They all knew she was watching, even when she didn't allow them to feast their eyes on her radiance – but when she did, she would appear in a jarring flash of darkness, illuminating the entire scenery just by her presence, and drowning out any light but her own.
Resplendent in her finery and shining like a star, she would observe the performance with an oxymoronic smile gracing her lips, an expression that was something like a distant, crystallized fondness. .
...
Thus occupied and consigned to nothing else, it should not have been surprising that the members of the Diamond Authority sometimes went the occasional decade without seeing each other, and it was even rarer for all three of them to be in one place.
One such occasion took place a few thousand years after Blue started administering her own colonies. Throughout the ages to come, it would stick with her as a prominent, formative memory, though she could not have said that it was purely a fond one.
The occasion had been a cumbrous one to begin with – Yellow and Blue had taken a short recess during a series of court proceedings so that they may deliberate on the verdict.
Which was to say that they were having a disagreement which they couldn't be seen having in public.
It had been a long, long day for both of them and they were quite united in their desire to be out of this situation, but that's where the similarities ended.
White had not been there to start with – there was always spot reserved for her of course, and as the architect of the laws, she was always there in spirit, but she seldom involved herself in such affairs, not even in the sort of high-profile cases that would justify the presence of the other two – and when she did, it was usually on a whim, with no other discernible pattern.
Yet she always seemed to know in advance how to chose the worst possible moments for her intercession, precisely when her offspring would have been far too absorbed in their argument to anticipate her dreaded presence.
"Come on, Blue! Why don't we just shatter them and be done with it?!"
"Because this is supposed to be a trial! We're here to serve justice, not to get through another appointment."
"Then serving justice to them is precisely what we must do! Or would you argue that they are innocent?"
"I see that they must be punished" Blue clarified with an exasperated shudder. "I mean, they were just fused for no reason, into some hideous... thing none of us have ever seen. I'm as grossed out as anyone here. But they're an Aquamarine and a Lapis Lazuli. They can obviously not be allowed to continue, but can't we just have them reassigned to different posts? Station them at the opposite ends of the empire if you must-"
"Why? So that they can pervert others to their deviant ways, until we're forced to dispose of all of them? What a fastidious waste that would be."
"And shattering them would not be wasteful, according to you?"
"They're useless to us as it is! At this point we'd get better returns on the resources we used to grow them by having them harvested. They may have been elites, but they're repeat offenders. You know the rules as well as I do. In fact, I recall that you had no problem following them just a few cycles ago, when we had to deal with those defective Pearls-"
"What seems to be the problem here?"
A voice cut through the room. They immediately knew the one, quite possibly the only one capable of sending chills down their backs, though they might not even admit it to themselves.
They never saw her coming, but now that she had arrived in their arrival, it was impossible to pay attention to anything else.
Her glaring brightness illuminated the dark antechamber to which the two had retreated to prepare and convene – In design, it had been intended as more of a solemn thinking chamber for dignified rulers to make weighty decisions, but after thousands of years, the steady requirements of daily convenience had taken over and coated what was once an austere, curtained-off alcove held up by high, slender stone columns a rather lived-in feel.
The tables had been carved and decorated as altars of jurisdictions, but their reliefs and mosaics were nearly buried beneath gadgets, communicators, computer terminals and even the odd beautification implement.
Of the four available surfaces, one had pretty much ended up being used as a desk, another as a vanity, and the largest one wound up having a number of cushions thrown on it so it could hold one or two exhausted gem matriarchs should they require a brief moment of rest between court cases. At the moment, one side of it had Yellow's longer, knee-length overcoat draped over it, while Blue's veil hung across the other end, though the two lesser Diamonds themselves were sitting at the other tables with the corresponding chairs turned so that they could face each other as they carried out their dispute.
The fourth and last altar sat at the very end of the room and had been built precisely to White's height complete with a matching high stool, but she used it so rarely that it was the only one still left in its intended state, garnished with an intricately embroiled, enormous tablecloth and a dim, ornate lamp, the only light in this part of the dark edifice that was, after all, intended as a place of warning and punishment.
Though it was a monumental hall by the proportions of most gems and could, in human terms, almost have passed for the side wing of a Gothic cathedral, it was fairly modest-sized when perused by a Diamond, an impression that was not much helped by the enormous chests and cabinets filled with a museum's worth of data rods and other miscellaneous implements from all previous ages of homeworld's history, though none of them reached up to the height of the ceilings and the multitude of frescos and carvings covering it.
All in all it was a high and narrow room, but one that had been meant to admit White through its arched doorway, just in case she might ever feel like making use of that privilege.
And what would you know? Here she was, drenching the entire chamber in her splendorous shine which stood out all the more in her dim surroundings.
In this gloom, one could barely make out her features or even her outline, not from the dark itself, but from its contrast to her brightness.
Holding onto the front of her shimmering dress with her long fingers, she stepped onto the room on her sparkling, elegant sandals, moving with lightness and grace despite her titanic size and elaborate attire.
Once she had picked a suitable spot to stand on, she set down her gown and spread her arms wide. "You two haven't been fighting, have you?"
Yellow and Blue looked at her in trepidation, suddenly self-conscious of their unbecoming spat. Under other circumstances, Blue thought she might have been glad to see her, but as things were, she shrank back into her seat.
Inside, Yellow couldn't have been feeling any different, but in her mind, she could put rhyme and reason to it and even convince herself that it was quite right and reasonable for all three of them to be assembled, if there was a need for someone to act as a tie-breaker.
"Ah, White!" she swiftly interjected, rising from her seat as she spoke, as one would handle a sudden emergency. "It's nothing that would be worth your attention, we were just discussing a case..." not that there was much hope of convincing her otherwise once White had decided that there wasa problem to be fixed.
Had they known she was coming, they would most certainly have instructed the Pearls to get the room reorganized. They would not have let her find them this close to unguarded.
"We weren't expecting you to join us.", Blue volunteered, unsuccessfully attempting a smile. "It must have been centuries since the last time... but anyways, it's good to see you."
"Yes, " Yellow added in curt assent. "I haven't had the opportunity to meet with you since my return from the Omikron-Theta galaxy. "Have you been well?"
Yellow dutifully looked her over, but of course, she remained as unreadable as always – Every bit as eternal and immovable, and every bit as distant and muted, a singular, intangible existence.
They could do no more for her than a flickering reflection on the surface of a pool could do for the silver disk of the moon, and for all that she never ceased her demands, she could not require any more of them than she could possibly need of her reflection.
It was its own kind of frustration, subtler and more hopeless still than the crushing weight of her scorn and displeasure, the arctic cold of her apathy, or the humiliation of being out of her favor, everything and all that it meant to be made of her but not enough for her.
If anything, the question seemed to amuse her – every part of it, from the buried splinter of genuine concern, to the fraught show of strength, the attempt to take control of the conversation and divert her attention, if need be, by drawing all of it herself, because she could take it, because she would take it rather than let it fall on Blue, because she was already out of her graces, and, deep deep down, underneath it all, it was a strangled little plea for her time, a clever little ploy to get some conversation out of her.
Poor Yellow. Sometimes she could be so hopeless – both of them were.
And to think that these were her finest creations!
White didn't even want to think about what they might get themselves into if she weren't there to guide them – well, good thing she was here now.
White Diamond grinned. "Oh Sunbeam, why would you even ask such a question... More importantly..." and with that, she turned her incandescent gaze toward Blue. "Would you either of you care to tell me what is going on here?"
"Well..." the younger Diamond made an effort to rouse herself to action. "We've been deliberating a case of unlawful fusion..."
"Ah, and there I thought you were finally ready to take care of such matters on your own..." White lamented, shaking her head. "Do you need me to step in? In there something I can do to help?"
"Actually, yes." Yellow interceded. "You see, what happened is-"
"A Lapis Lazuli and an Aquamarine, yes, I know." White continued, blowing her off. "What I'm really wondering is," and at that, she narrowed her eyes ever so slightly, but pointedly, "why they haven't been punished yet."
"We were just about to-"
But Yellow's protestations weren't given much attention.
White stepped right past her, straight to where Blue was still sitting on her chair, half-buried in her long, heavy robes that melded with the surrounding darkness where her two companions repelled it.
Yellow had this persistent little inkling that Blue was right about to slip up and admit to something ridiculous, but she couldn't think of a way to prevent it. Her fists remained constrained at her sides.
"Oh my poor dear!" White mused, setting down her clawed hands on Blue's exposed shoulders. "It's not like you haven't done this before, so what's different this time?"
Blue kept her eyes lowered in shame, knowing that neither of her fellow Diamonds was going to approve of the answer.
It seemed ridiculous even to herself once she was forced to let herself become aware of it for long enough to form the words, but alas, once given form, they wouldn't stay inside:
"It's just... That was one of my favorite Aquamarines..."
As expected, Yellow was none too impressed and turned to massaging the bridge of her nose with an exasperated sigh: "Blue, be serious!"
She still took care to preempt White, however, not that it was that effective at dissuading her of anything.
Her reaction was almost more terrifying because it wasn't loud or prominent, because for all that she kept smiling, Blue knew that she could not possibly be pleased.
Instead, she laid down her cards carefully and deliberately when she turned back to Yellow with one slightly raised eyebrow.
"What do you think of that, Yellow?"
And of course, the ever industrious, callous Yellow Diamond fell in lockstep with her creator, or at least, her response was not meaningfully different from that insofar as Blue cared to distinguish it: "Well, that's obviously not an argument."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Belatedly realizing that her sour quip might not have been the best way to do it, Yellow tried to appeal to the younger Diamond's better angels, but she had never been the diplomatic one, and her patience was damn near used up, especially since, as she saw it, Blue seemed determined to keep provoking White despite her best efforts to get her off their back.
"Blue, you're being hysterical. Just think for a moment about what you've just said.
We can't just bend the rules to suit our whims."
"Of course we can! We make the rules. We'd just have to give the order and everyone would obey!"
"Why would they?" Yellow retorted, gesturing emphatically. "If we don't follow the rules, how can we expect it of anyone else? The law might distinguish in some cases because we're all meant for different tasks, but they apply to each and every one of us, including you and I.
Yes, we are important. That comes with certain privileges. Without us, the whole empire would fall apart, so everyone beneath us must be ready to lay down their gems for us in an instant. But with that comes an even greater responsibility. It's because we are important that we need to follow the rules the most out of anyone.
What sort of leaders would we be if we took such liberties whenever we pleased? What sort of example would we be setting-"
"Please, please, you two!" White interceded, raising a glowing arm between them like a nadir of eerie calm amid the brewing storm. "There is no need to get quite so excited.
...Yellow? If you would please give us a moment..."
Unexpected as it was, Yellow recognized that she had just been booted out of the room for her trouble, and she knew better than to protest it.
If she was concerned, hurt or even jealous, she did not permit it to show on her face as she marched out the door arch, taking care to draw the curtains shut behind her, which she would most certainly not have done with her own hands if anybody but White were staying behind in that room –
Which left Blue alone in the Lion's den.
(or on the proverbial Anvil, as it were)
Now, had Yellow been in her place, she would have made an admirable effort to indulge in as few illusions as a gem could possibly have, but with Blue, it was a different matter.
Despite the profound sense of unease she felt radiating through her form, she still considered the possibility that she might find some kind of comfort with her creator, simply because the longed for it, and did so all the more in times of fear and desperation.
Though Blue could not bring herself to face White, her luminosity silhouetted her and her chair from behind, even more so as she drew closer.
She was reflected in the mirror before her, of course, an almost indistinct mass in the darkness.
From the corners of her eyes, Blue could barely make out her gem, let alone her features, but it was impossible to overlook that smile of hers within the demarcations of her shimmering black lips.
This was nothing like dealing with the obvious, unveiled opposition of Yellow's harsh impatience. There was certainly something she wanted or some distinct, disapproving opinion she held about the entire situation, and Blue knew it was coming, but she didn't know when, or how it would be coming her way, so her unease mounted, even though White was for all intents and purposes being perfectly pleasant so far.
She didn't go so far as to grab another of the chairs and drag it over here by herself, but she did summon one with a snap of her shimmering fingers, not her great ceremonial throne but nonetheless something befitting of her status, so that she may sit down next to Blue and wrap one of her arms around her.
Blue received her warily, well-aware of the icy storm still gathering in her future, but at the same time, the part of her that had always yearned for more of her creator's affection couldn't help but welcome thing somehow, and wish that things could stay as they were in that moment, with no pending confrontation and no unruly gems to deal with -
She wanted for someone to come and relieve her of all her heavy burning feelings.
And so, weakly, foolishly, the younger Diamond surrendered.
"I'm sorry about this White..." she conceded, dejectedly. "Please don't be mad... If you think that we should shatter them, then that's what we'll do..."
"Oh my poor little moonshine... just what have these disgusting little deviants done to you? And even though they were supposed to be part of your court! To think that they would defy you like that, after you've always been so indulgent toward them... And this is how they reward you!"
Her voice and expressions were quite animated, but not exactly passionate. Histrionic perhaps, but not as the product of some deliberate exaggeration. She'd shake her head in condemnation, or give Blue a supportive little squeeze, but it was all leading to a conclusion she had decided from the very beginning:
"You mustn't let those flawed little creatures get to you like this. None of them deserve it."
It struck Blue that this might not just be how White wanted them to look at their subjects, but like White herself looked at them and their inefficiencies in her eyes.
"Oh darling, don't be mistaken." she confided with her eyebrows curved into some semblance of pity. "I don't like to see any of you suffering, after all, you all came from me. Every single one of you is light from my light. But there must be punishment!
Think of all the other gems in your service – you have to set an example to discourage them from doing something to stupid! You have to contain this aberration before it spreads and topples everything we've built!"
"I know... You're right, you're always right... "
Blue's voice was small and defeated. Even with White right there, on a world where everything was waiting to do her bidding, she felt all alone, like a twig caught in the grindwheel machinery of the universe. "It's just..."
She could see the rest of her life laid out before her, stretching forward into the unknown, and when she considered how her days would be filled with occasions like this one, she felt herself hitting a wall, and before she knew it she was slumped over the table, her face buried in her arms so that she might hide the deluge of her tears.
She felt it coming over her, shaking all of her hard, cold form in all its titanic size.
"It's just so miserable!"
All vestiges of Blue's once regal countenance dissolved into inelegant blubbering.
"I know they have to be punished, but why does it have to be me? I made them, White!
And now I'm gonna have to destroy them! If I had known that I would end up having to destroy them, I would never have made them in the first place!
I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd never made any of them at all, it's nothing but misery!
Everything is always nothing but misery!
I'm supposed to be for this. You made me so I could do this. You prepared me for thousands of years, and I looked forward to the day I'd get to join you and Yellow – but even though this is my whole reason for being, none of it makes me happy!
The only thing that ever did was being with you two, but both of you are always busy!
Yellow says I should be strong, but, I'm not like you two. I'm not sure that I can do that.
I'm just so miserable all the time!"
"Shhh... It's okay, it's okay moonshine, I understand now."
"You do...?"
Daring to believe despite all reason, Blue raised up her face from her arms, looking up at White with large, surprised, tear-stained eyes.
"Of course I do", The elder Diamond nodded with a smile. "You must be confused...
Did you think that your purpose was to be happy?"
White spoke with an upbeat, kindly tone of voice, like she was dispensing nothing other than well-meaning advice expecting it to be an obvious, helpful solution to Blue's anguish – but it was just about the single most soul-crushing thing she could possibly have said.
"You can rest assured that it does not matter at all whether or not you are happy. As long as you are performing your duties, you don't need to worry about that at all!", she declared.
In her own way, she probably thought she was doing Blue a favor, that this idea should have been a comfort, even if it was everything but that.
"But White... aren't you happy? Didn't you make this whole world to serve your wishes?"
White only shook her head, regarding Blue with something like a fond yet bewildered pity, as one might look at a rodent's enthusiastic use of their favorite hamsterwheel or a four-month-old baby stubbornly trying to sit up again and again, unaware of the indisputable fact that their feeble little muscles would not attain necessary strength for another two months or so.
"Oh Moonshine! I never even spent any of my time considering such pointless questions, and neither should you. So please, get yourself ready to declare the verdict. The three of us have other duties to attend to."
And that was her final word.
Having decided that she had said everything she deemed necessary, she stood up without a second thought, letting go of Blue and turning to leave, grasping the front of her shimmering gown as she did so.
There was no point in attempting to get her to stay, and nothing to be gained even if one were to succeed in that foolish endeavor.
No longer needed, the seat she'd materialized earlier disappeared in a small gust of sparkles, and soon the last of her trailing dress vanished beyond the door arch.
Soon after she had turned the corner, Blue was left alone in almost total darkness, with only the dim lamp on what was technically White's desk to keep her company, and in this moment, the packed state of the room was not a consequence of its regular use but a reminder of its age, and the even longer future looming ahead.
There was only one path open to her, and only one road she could go down, no matter how hard it would be to drag herself along it despite the thorny ache blossoming in her chest, no matter if she had to push herself every day just to keep moving.
By the time she had fixed her veil in place, she would have convinced herself that if their actions had led her to feel this way, the defendants must deserve anything she could possibly throw at them.
The gem in the mirror was unreadable beneath the folds of her cloak, but what could be seen of her face had gone cold, every bit as devoid of warmth as the dreary colors comprising her being.
….
She materialized back in the courtroom to find her fellow Diamonds waiting on their glittering thrones, and both defendants on their stands.
The Aquamarine was cowering, but the Lapis Lazuli stood defiant.
"So you say you want to be together?"
Blue Diamond's voice was calm, cold and ringing with disdain.
"Fine, if you think that's more important than everything you were made for, you can have your wish...
Ten thousand years of solitary confinement.
Have them both walled in somewhere, together. In total darkness. We have a lot of construction going on in the new Colonies in Sector Epsilon-Nine, right? Have a chamber constructed in one of the fundaments, it doesn't have to be much larger than the minimum necessary to hold their forms and just, build over it. Forget them there, just as they forgot their places.
I wonder how long they will last... how long can they keep going with all the energy we used to make them? How much did they make us waste? If there is anything left of them by the time their sentence is over, they may be of use to us again. Let is see if they still think their abomination was worth discarding everything they had."
The court did not concern itself too much with the wails of the accused, it was, after all, a common enough occurrence.
When an objection was voiced, it was barely a casual remark.
"Isn't that a bit pointless? Someone will have to guard them... Why not just shatter them and be done with it?"
"So you can experiment on their remains? Like that's much better."
"Well it is better. That would actually serve some functional purpose."
"Not for them. But of course you don't consider what it feels like. And it's because you don't understand that that there is a lot worse we can do than just shatter them."
With a shrug, Yellow turned to the last member of their jury. If she was mildly uncomfortable, then only because she couldn't explain the complete reversal in Blue's attitude. "White? What do you say?"
Their creator was, of course, perfectly serene: "These gems used to be part of Blue's court. They're hers to do with as she sees fit."
"Guess I'm overruled then. Let's just get on with it. "
….
The defendants never had a chance.
Arm in arm in a holding cell, they were waiting to be dragged away, so see starlight once more as they were paraded between the towers, and then kiss it goodbye forevermore.
"It's better to be shattered", the Lazuli judged resolutely. "I never wanted to die, but I don't think life is an option anymore. We'll both go mad long before we'll shrivel away."
"I-I would never ask that of you-"
"But I want to do it. Only one of us needs to go inside that prison."
"And if I let you end me, who would be left to do the same to you?"
They are both touched, sharing in a wave of feeling until it was interrupted by a common thought. Each of them looked in the other's eyes, and at once, they knew that their beloved must be thinking it too.
Both their gems were located on their knuckles – right now, they were disparate in stature, but when they fused, the positions lined up perfectly.
If they were to unite one last time, and crash their fists together just hard enough... -
The two blue gems looked into each other's faces, the air between them filled with a viscous, suffocating silence.
Eyes, look your last.
Except that they had hesitated to long. Filled with trepidation, they had only just begun to conjure up the glow of fusion when the guards reached inside to drag them apart.
….
Yellow had been meaning to check up on Blue, but later, at some reasonable moment, once they had dealt with all of the relevant court cases they had scheduled for today.
- Not because of anything related to the verdict, in fact she'd been quite relieved that Blue had seen reason and agreed to dispose of those gems, and after thousands of years, she'd come to expect that her approach to decisions was somewhat different from her own.
But as the day dragged on, it came to Yellow's attention that Blue seemed a little... distraught for some reason.
To her credit, she was making an admirable effort to conceal it in front of White (No easy task considering the natures of both their considerable psychic powers), but Yellow could tell, the same way that Blue could usually see through her hardened veneer when no one else could – When she was having a particularly bad day, Blue would typically know it before Yellow herself would have formulated any such conclusion, as if she could smell it in the air.
All anyone else might have noticed was a slight sense of oppressive gloom upon entering the room, not beyond what one might have chalked up to the solemn nature of this place, but Yellow was so accustomed to the characteristic particulars of the sensation that she could have picked it out in the thickest fog of static, whether she wanted to or not.
That dense, watery feeling, like the pressure and weight of an ocean.
But her plan had been based on the assumption that White would conclude her unexpected involvement with another of her nonnegotiable exits – And they were indeed so used to being left to stew by themselves that they had come to rely on it, but seems that they once again had just a little too much faith in their creator, who could not even be counted on to abandon them.
Instead she turned toward Blue and uttered a sequence of words that neither of the lesser Diamonds had heard her said more often than they had fingers:
"You did well!"
And one could have believed her; Her elation pulled her mouth and eyes wide open, and her face was lit up (more so than usual) but that did nothing to shake off the creeping sense of dread that she always brought with her or the subtle, jarring wrongness scraping distantly at this whole situation, and they might not have understood what or what was wrong here, but it impressed itself on their awareness like some raw, essential quality, just as one would not have to explain a color to experience it.
Her voice was so full and yet so empty, a yawning chasm bursting with droning dissonance.
She looked Blue over, taking note of her deep luster and meeting with an echo of her own endlessness, thought that dim dark blue could never match the abyssal black of the long lashes that framed the solar fires held within that stare like the corona of a reverse eclipse.
And there was certainly an ecstatic warmth rolling off her voice in waves, but it was not a mild golden daylight but white-hot, unbearable heat.
Blue Diamond badly wanted to be pleased, but instead she felt as if each and every part of her wanted to run from all the others.
"Oh precious moonshine! That was really a quite excellent idea of yours! That will surely teach them all not to do such senseless things. You truly do have a finer understanding for such matters!"
(Unlike Yellow, but so much was understood without a need to specify that further).
But with or without such awareness, with or without her attention, the hammer fall of her words hit them both: "Say, why don't we retire to your chambers, away from this hustle and bustle?"
And Yellow would have objected that a pair Zircons and a handful witnesses hardly constituted a crowd if she wasn't feeling at least a dozen different things at this moment.
Blue shot one look back at her – if it was pleading, longing or forlorn, she couldn't say – and then they were gone in a sparkle of residual teleport static, in less than it took for White to snap her fingers.
It was fortunate that she was not currently holding or touching anything that her rage could have left a dent in.
The old scorn was a prickly, bitter brew, and like many such sentiments, Yellow found it utterly useless.
She kept herself in motion, as if to leave the noxious stew in her chest hanging in the empty space behind her.
At least, she would do what she was for, and that must be her only remedy.
….
The room was beautiful.
It was also gaudy and sterile and horrid all at once, but if all these things could coexist, beauty would not be the strangest addition to their fold.
Suspended in the center of an even larger hall, its walls and floors were made up of a mesh work of azure, crystalline rods which intersected like flaxen threads making up a woven basket.
Most the decorations and implements were at least a tiny bit alive, but some of them were better singers than others and not many of those had the confidence to perform for the one and only White Diamond.
Blue came often enough that she was a familiar sight, and a few centuries worth of ordinary every day activities would inevitably have demystified her somewhat; Of course, it was a honor to be in her presence and a chance to earn their keep, but it was not like none of the wall gems had never found themselves waiting for her to be called away to her next appointment so that they could resume their conversation.
Considered too lowly for her to even look upon them, none of them had ever expected to see White Diamond in person, and they knew right away that it was more imperative than ever for them to stick to their places – This could either be the honor of their lifetimes, the only story they would ever tell in their cozy little microcosm, or the end of all that.
The one thing worse that having to be the one to sing, though, would have been a lack of song, so songs were eventually volunteered, and surely enjoyed - the little creature by the lamp-stand was, after all, a learned master who had dedicated great parts of his life to the craft.
Anxious to please the maker herself, Blue had gestured for the most experienced one (not necessarily her personal favorite – it was not in White's nature to distinguish between her personal preferences and objective appraisals of quality, nor did she see the other's tastes as anything other than misguided foibles which reflected their shortcomings) which just so happened to alleviate the poor creatures' fears, not that the thought had been present in Blue's mind.
Any misstep by the subordinates Blue was meant to govern would be seen as reflecting on her. She should really have received White in her largest, most ostentatious palace halls, the ones most to White's taste, but her favor was too scarce, and too rare to waste it in a place of purely representative, ceremonial function.
She perused this place because it was quiet and dim and pleasant, and that's what she had wanted to share with her maker, though she allowed herself to hope that she would appreciate it as well, as long as it did not stray too far from what she would be able to accept – After all, did Blue not have this wan, folded-up memory of a time when White would sequester both her and Yellow to the peak of some secluded tower so she might sing to them?
It was always one of her most favorite breadcrumbs to treasure and cling too, but even as some of these same old songs trickled through the room, she could not recapture that distant sense of lightness and belonging, if it had ever been more than an illusion.
Instead, something dark and heavy hung in her soul and every note stirred it anew like the sediments at the bottom of a pool and nothing could soothe her, not even this rare gracious granting of her wishes.
Some pale specter of herself had been left to haunt the courtroom tower, still crying at her table and forgotten there as it befits a thing without a purpose - and none of these honeyed melodies could ever reach her there.
Yellow and White had called it useless, they could never wait to rush her along for her own good – And Blue wouldn't even say that they were wrong. They might be, or they might not, all she ever knew was this heaviness that was more bitter yet for despoiling the precious moment of triumph she might have had if she could bring herself to be in this room.
But was White even here?
Without a doubt, she would have been picking apart the performance if she had not decided by some fancy or whim that she would choose to humor Blue for the day. It was no different in that spire from days past - Already off-center, the tracks of her thoughts ended up stumbling across the facets of the memory that were not often replayed.
Misled by some splinter of long-lost innocence, the two younger Diamonds had meant to join in the melodies, and conspired to surprise their maker with a song of their own.
They idea had been Blue's, insofar as it is the thought that matters, but it was Yellow's rigorous planning that led the effort to completion.
White had made them regret it in an instant. There was, at most, some halfway condescending admission to being charmed, and then she helpfully tore their whole performance to shreds, something about how Blue really ought to put more strength into her voice, how Yellow couldn't quite hold the high notes long enough for her liking and how they couldn't afford to be fooling around even with something like this.
Sure, their voicework may not have been the most integral part of leading the empire, but the three of them were to be perfection, and all other of their manifold citizens merely facets of their magnificence.
They must do everything better than anyone else, even something as secondary as singing.
And Blue would never quite believe the praises of her court quite as much after that day, but she carried on her pursuit of beauty with a resigned melancholy and the prickly thorns of awareness reminding her all beauty, elegance and wisdom she might attain was in vain as it still fell short – but for her own selfish comfort, she could not give it up.
Yellow, however, had responded differently. Inevitably. At first she almost seemed inspired, determined to do better and prove that she took White's directions to heart.
On one of those few occasions when she would cut loose, Blue recalled her smirking with glee as she describer hed designs for the routine they had been gathering, wrapping herself in some of the ballroom curtains and swishing them around dramatically in an over-the-top imitation of White's mannerisms and laughter, articulating the words of praise she hoped to receive from her.
But they had always been rather poor imitations of their maker, and they'd only grown further apart from her expectations as the days progressed.
Before long, Yellow had grown frustrated with the dearth of response, and kicked that pointless endeavor to the curb in favor of things whose use and benefit even White could not have denied. For a while, it put quite a dent on her enthusiasm for the arts – or any passions she had ever had at all, and the latter had never quite returned, though Blue was probably the only one to ever lament it.
It used to be so much easier to get her away from her holoscreens, and at least it could be surmised that White must be pleased with that, if she had any opinion of it at all.
They were together here, resting on something akin to glittery sequins, not far from each other and yet existing on different planes, and there was nowhere one could look without coming face to face with long shadows cast by the glow that emanated from her body.
But what surprise to find her propped up on her elbows, actually leaning back with her eyes closed, her long lashes fluttering in motions of genuine bliss, her glittering lips split ever so slightly as usual, except that this time they resembled something living, and she was as resplendent and as terrible as she had ever been.
Anyone intrepid enough to sneak a glance at her would have been unable to look away, all thoughts drowned out by their awareness of her stronger existence, as all things must humble themselves before their jealous god – and she was awash with childlike, girlish pleasure, drinking in the harmonies of the composition, relishing in the cavernous complexity and meticulous order, and never was her gleam as colorless as now, the reverberant, echoing static that was everything and nothing at once.
Even as the same kind of being, Blue was not sure how long she could have borne it.
It was the psychic equivalent of staring into the sun, hurtling into the light on wax wings –
And yet, it was no punishment, not even a conscious act, but simply what her elation must be like.
It was to the third eye and sixth sense what, to the ears, would have been an instrument that was played just a little bit too loud, and to the eyes, well, it would have been a good approximation of what she looked like.
Blue's psychic shielding tended to get just a little bit porous when she was too worked up to maintain it through deliberate effort, and most of the time, she would have had to focus on keeping things in, not out.
The veteran wall gem perform through it all, but they knew to bow out when their creator decided to take over the vocals.
It was an ancient hymn composed in her honor, widely considered to be one of homeworld's great classics, but of course, none of them could praise her like she could praise herself. None of them could satisfy her. As of now, they still held a little bit of her attention because they were her creations, but she might tire of them before long, or just grow bored enough to discard them, just as she eventually grew bored of the song and let the instrumental take its course, and even that empyrean glow died down somewhat, both the literal light and the astral radiance, if only so far that one could somewhat make out her features again.
If she didn't burst several things in the room with nothing but her voice, it was simply because she had not felt like it.
She could bend the world just by being, but most of the times it was not really worth the effort, even if she had never been much of a practical person.
Still, she'd had her fun. Still distinctly mirthful, she was content to just sit back and relax.
Whatever impure intentions brought her here, she had actually been enjoying this.
She could enjoy things, though she might not need to; She could even do so together with others. All three of them – and later, all four, both different sets of four, though they could never be five – had always so loved songs and melodies.
And this should have made this a joyous occasion, but instead, Blue found herself weighed down by yet another wave of melancholy when she considered the thought, how it was far from impossible for them to understand each other, and how they couldn't manage it all the same, and she couldn't fight off the awareness that this moment would end very soon and how she would, in all likelihood, be looking back at it in longing for who knows how many years of their just barely passing each other in the hallways, and oh, what she would give, if it were possible to have a honest conversation with White where she wouldn't brush off each of her feelings as some issue to be fixed or a weakness to be curbed or even an insolence to be punished, if she could just let her be and decide afterward what mental drawer to stash it all into –
Foolish, errant, idle thoughts, and yet she could not help them.
All the beauty of this place and the storm of majestic notes brewing within were but bandaids on a bullethole, but she would take them.
Heavy and languid under the sugary symphonies, Blue barely saw the point in keeping her eyes very much open, as if the ringing of the instruments were a bitter, viscous syrup that she lacked the strength to swim through.
"It's a pity that Yellow isn't here with us-" she mused quietly, more like she were talking to herself than if she were really expecting much of an answer.
White provided one anyways, unperturbed as ever.
"Oh, she must be busy. We wouldn't want to disturb her."
"Of course not... But I think she'd really like to do something like this, even if she might not show it... You know what? Pearl should be waiting just outside. If you like, I could tell her to have Yellow called here..."
"That won't be necessary."
"Are you sure about that? I had the impression that she might be feeling left out. I don't presume to question you or anything, but sometimes it seems to me that you're a little bit hard on her..."
"I expect a lot from her because I know that she can do better. " White explained, her voice as blithe as Blue's was downcast. It sounded almost like she actually had some sort of faith in Yellow – or simply far less hopes for Blue herself, as she did not allow the former implication to stand for very long: "Besides, she does need a strong hand. If all that ambition of hers were left unchecked, she would surely forget her place... "
"You really think so?" Blue replied, more dejected than she was actually surprised. "There isn't a single gem in this whole empire who could be more loyal to you than Yellow is! You could ask for my shards on a platter, and she'd probably bring them to you..."
"Really? I wonder sometimes... "
Realizing that there was no acceptable answer that could have conveyed what she was longing to express, and no way to say that without spoiling a moment she should have been cherishing, Blue simply gave up, burying her face between the sleeves of her robe and their luxurious accommodations as the melodies continued to bathe the room in their wordless sheets of feeling and significance.
She hoped that she'd just be allowed to enjoy the rest of the song as she wanted for this visit to be over, so she could lose herself in the darkness of her festering dark mood without having to bother with her feeble attempts of keeping up a front (though she knew it was only a matter of time till the next appointment she would not be able to avoid without giving an explanation) – if she couldn't share her thoughts, she hoped at least for the mercy that they might go unnoticed, but she was not so lucky:
"You're not still upset about that Aquamarine, aren't you?" White asked, like the very notion was preposterous. Blue could just hear the raised eyebrows.
So she gave the only possible answer: "Of course not, "
"Actually I'm glad-" she said, with her arms around a pillow and an expression that said the very opposite. "I'm really glad to be spending time with you- We really have to do this more often-"
"Oh Moonshine. I would hardly be doing you a favor if I encouraged that sort of weakness in you." As if she had really needed to drive one more sharp long icicle through Blue's chest. "And you know, you shouldn't be encouraging Yellow's faults, either."
"What do you mean?"
"Like you need to ask. It's such a sorry sight! Sometimes she seems so, so close to being perfectly focused on nothing other than her purpose, if it weren't for the one thing that always manages to distract her without fail..."
"Come on, White. What would possibly distract Yellow?"
"All of this running around after you."
Her smile had vanished, her long-lashed eyes narrowed and her voice was cold as ice – For this instant, she was dead serious, well-aware of how that would punctuate her statement.
"I know its not your fault that she feels compelled to do this, that's no one's folly but her own, but could you please stop allowing every little thing to throw you off balance?
For both your sakes.
At least you usually have some sense for the importance of procedure and decorum – I can't bear to see you hanging onto her like some pathetic, feeble creature... It's unbecoming of you. I must insist that you learn to pull yourself together... Others need to be around you, after all."
"Of course, White. As you command..."
Weary and defeated, Blue made a show of picking herself of the couch and sitting up, but she didn't get far before her doubt and sorrow made themselves heard despite her efforts.
And Blue knew that this must be the ultimate proof of her failure in White's eyes, but she could no longer bring herself to care, and so she took the foolish risk off resting her side against her creator, holding on to the sleeve of her dress.
"Believe me, I will do as you say. But for now, could you just please stay with me a little longer? I have missed you so, and I... I have such need of your guidance!"
"That, you clearly do." stated White, though Blue had mostly added that last plea because it would be more likely to have an effect than the one before it.
The grand matriarch sighed in exasperation, though she was not altogether unmoved.
"You're all so absurd sometimes! It seems I will never be done righting all your silly little flaws."
For once, she actually condescended to take Blue into her arms, for the first time in centuries.
Civilizations would rise and fall until she would be tempted to do so again.
But once in a blue moon, she did stay, and today was one of those days. They sat together, taking the time to enjoy the relative quiet and seclusion, killing a little of their endless time with elegant, solitary pursuits.
Perhaps deciding that she might as well act out the part she had agreed to, White even offered to comb Blue's hair and polish her gem, and did so with some playful, whimsical affectation of nurturing.
"My beautiful moonshine", she would say, like a craftsperson admiring their own work.
They spend much time talking, too, about pointless, superficial and therefore allowed topics, such as the latest events on some of their various colonies.
Through it all, Blue could not bring herself to smile even once. Not once could she fully distract herself from the heavy thoughts that swam unbidden through her mind like fish in a bowl, but at the same time, she felt her direct surroundings more than enough to wish she could truly be glad and cherish this moment as much as she wanted too.
If only she could move on as effortlessly as White could. Raging or serene, she would always appear so untouched by everything that surrounded her, like nothing could possibly perturb the direction of her path.
She'd always have these very exact ideas about what was to be done and how, and for all that she could make herself very unpleasant to deal with whenever things did not match up to her notions, it often helped to turn to her with matters where one had no preexisting plans of ones' own.
Yellow would have never found this out since she was so proficient at such matters herself and preferred to solve her business on her own if she could help it, but Blue actually liked to consult with White when it came to dry, logistical matters that she lacked the technical mind for, just small questions about how to best organize proceedings at her colonies, things that did not matter enough to provoke her wrath.
After all, if there was one thing one could deduce about White Diamond from looking at the world she had created around herself, it was that she sure liked ordering and organizing things. (One could deduce a lot of other things as well but none of them were so flattering)
Yes, she was terribly adamant about getting her way; She had this absolute, unfettered need for control and she would stop at nothing to attain it. She was able and willing to foist her will onto everything she touched –
But something else was also true, and perhaps, at its most apparent when she did not face all that much opposition: Whenever Blue would ask her about something she wasn't sure about, White would, without fail, happily supply her with instructions down to the smallest detail.
There was never a need to ask her twice, nor the usual twinge of annoyance – it was almost like an automatic response, possessed of a stark frightening purity that was so very, very out of place in someone who bent everything to fit her purposes.
But where else would those very goals have come from, if there wasn't something absolute at the root of their justification? And it could easily have been each and every single deathly sin, except that it was something else:
She actually found some genuine fulfillment in constructive acts.
Improving things, fixing them, bringing forth order from chaos and structure from nothing (or what she perceived to be nothing) all that was not just her purpose, but her heart's desire, something that she wanted, for as little as she might be ruled or defined by any other part of her than her rigid cityscape of ideas.
Of course, neither of the two Diamonds would come to understand that distinction for a very long time, least of all White herself.
As for Blue, she had merely come to find that somewhere in the antediluvian cavernous glass cathedral of her being, there must have been a spark of something genuine, and that was the part of her that Blue would miss or even quietly long for.
Often times, she would even wonder if she was mistaken and simply hanging on to the futile hope that their creator actually cared for them because it was a comfortable lie she had concocted to sustain herself in the cold and hopeless world she inhabited.
But she wanted so badly to be convinced, despite all the natural, well-practiced apprehension that warned her to never let herself come too close to feeling safe around the elder Diamond:
"You know, I think I'll do it just like you said..."
"You'd better! That should get that new colony of your running smoothly in no time."
"Thanks a lot, White."
"There is no need for thanks dear. After all, this is precisely why I'm here. What do you think I do all day when you and the others aren't holding me up with some sort of nonsense?"
"What?" At that, Blue actually laughed, a haughty, ugly laugh, despite herself and all the emotional molasses she had found herself steeped in as of late – The connection she had made in her mind was simply too compelling "Is that what you do in your ship all day? Schedules and plans and Protocols and all of those boring administrativa?"
"There's nothing 'boring' about ensuring that everything in our empire runs as smoothly as possible, dear moonshine."
For once, for the first time ever since this pale imitation of a get-together had begun, something like a genuine smile passed between them, for one brief flicker of an instant where their thoughts were actually with each other in this room instead of twain, absconded to lofty conceptual heights or sunk down into trenches of infinite dark depths.
And then, that moment passed, and absolutely nothing of import had changed, and none of the brief lightness Blue might have felt in that moment survived contact with the memories of the previous day as they resurfaced, and of course, White knew nothing of it because she didn't care to see it, because all of those messy, unbidden parts of life were unsightly and repulsive to her – and it would have made Blue angry, if she could have sustained the heat of anger through her cool, dark resignation, not angry at White per se (for it was not as though she knew any other normal or any real alternative for what things could be instead), but angry that it must all be this way, that she must make herself so scarce and inaccessible, that she must be so difficult, that she never, ever listened, and that everything else in this cold dark universe had to be as it was, herself included.
She'd sometimes dared to hope that if the three of them could at least stand by each other, her dreary existence might come to be somewhat more palatable, but it was clear to her now that even moments like this would always be far and in-between, and always tinged with the scent of ashes. As surely as it once happened, it would end.
Eventually, White just clapped her hands together with a firm, pointed "Enough!" and in that very instant, all melodies ceased.
With barely more than a nod of acknowledgment, she would rise from the couch, pick up the front of her gown with her long, elegant fingers, and disappear in a tuft of stray sparkles somewhere halfway through her first step, as if walking out or even levitating would have been too much of a chore.
Though the room was immediately much darker, it still felt like a heavy, oppressive shadow had been lifted from all its surroundings – and yet, though no comfort had come from her presence, Blue ached when she considered how long it might be until she would see her again.
Despite her earlier words, the younger Diamond had half a mind to go and find Yellow – with a certain guilty feeling, of course. But she needn't have worried, really, because she was soon informed that homeworld's commander-in-chief had gone off planet with her main fleet, and wasn't expected to return in decades.
White was still on homeworld, of course, since she almost always remained there, but Blue knew better than to overstrain her limited patience.
With an apathetic sigh, she resolved to drag herself to her next appointment.
….
Having thus become what they were, that's what they stayed, each of them far from satisfaction, but every one of them settled into their own, self-sustaining equilibrium which assured that they fulfilled their own prophecies.
If madness was to attempt the same thing again and again with the same box of tools and somehow expecting a different result, they were all mad, but theirs was a skillfull, methodical sort of madness.
It was far from the best possible arrangement (not for the world, and not even for them), but as long as they were not stopped by anything outside their power, it was to be expected that they would continue on those same trajectories – what a misfortune, then, that their power was so vast.
So throughout the rise and fall of ages, they remained as they were.
….
There once came a time of bountiful abundance.
They did not call it 'Era One' until it was over, just like nothing is anything until there is something other to compare it to.
Finding themselves well-stocked with the means to do so, the Diamond Authority continued to expand their reach in all directions.
Their perfection rolled across the universe like a wave of glittering doom.
It figured, then, that it was as good a moment as any to expand their number once again.
But this time, there would be no hurry, no pressing, urgent need, only anticipation for then even greater glories the empire was sure to reach.
They could take all the time in the world to prepare for this next one's arrival, to stake out the best possible conditions for her growth and spend ages inducting her into her duties.
In their midst, she would be gifted with all that homeworld and their rulers had to offer and nurtured on all they had to give -
(which, as it would turn out, was not very much at all.)
It should have been White Diamond's finest creation.
She often laughed maniacally in anticipation of her work, and she was not alone -
All-gifted, this new existence was widely beloved before she ever set foot in this universe. Presents piled up in her palaces as soon as the Bismuth's could build them.
She would be the most precious flower of the empire, the anticipated, the spoiled, the one and only princess of homeworld, and she was in everyone's favor before she even began to exist.
Blue Diamond, in particular, was positively ecstatic about the prospect from the moment that White had announced her intentions and offered to help in any way she could. When she spoke about the new addition they would be welcoming, her ultramarine eyes lit up as they rarely ever did.
Not to be outdone, Yellow pledged her support as well, but White brushed the off, believing that they would only muddle the perfection of her work – so they instead of offered to take a bunch of her own duties off her hands and to ensure that White would be comfortable and well-supplied as she went about the work of creation.
Both of them were at her sides when it was time for the injector to be loaded.
She pulled the folds of her dress aside, and vigorously slit both of her thighs, pouring out a generous offering of her life onto the fine-grained, mineral mixture which the kindergartners had previously arranged for, so that she might share it with this little star-seed-to-be.
She was too proud of her work this time to be concerned about having the other two standing in witness, indeed, she was feeling unusually vigorous, or even quite impassioned.
(So much so that, for a moment, Yellow and Blue each private believed that they saw a glimpse of rainbow iridescence flickering about her outline – but that thought was immediately discarded, for it would have been anathema.)
It is to be noted that what exited her was not the expectation of opportunities and surprises, but one clear, singular vision of what this newest Diamond was meant to become like, the great power she would have, the perfection that would surpass all gems before her except for White herself.
The process went quite smoothly this time. No impurities mixed in. Alas, there must have been some miscalculation with the pressure gradients which still introduced some irregularities into her crystal lattice, which was probably at fault for the coloration as well as her rather more compact size compared to Yellow or Blue, but relatively speaking, this new creation was purer and richer than they had been, and set to surpass them in time.
White was going to call her 'Magenta', but that idea lasted about as it long as it took the newborn Diamond to open her mouth and laugh and ask if that were some overly fancy word for plain old pink.
Blue and Yellow were with her to witness Pink Diamond's emergence, and the former wasted to time in rushing forward to scoop their newest companion into her hands and hug the somewhat flabbergasted young Diamond against her own face as Yellow looked her over thoughtfully, certainly more restrained, but still interested.
Unlike the others, White did not rush forward to meet her and remained watching from the sidelines, but even she could not quite stave off the tingly, glowing feeling rising through her center, struck by the charms of this curious young being.
For all intents and purposes, Pink should already have all the information that she might possibly have needed about herself, the three of them, or the world at large, but she still pelted them with a flurry of questions about anything and everything as soon as she was free of the ground, taking in the answers with big, excited eyes and making new inquiries faster than Yellow could address them.
None of the elder three could really make heads or tails of her choice in outfit, sure, and they all independently made a mental note to work on her decorum, but they grew fond of her almost right away – and she was glad to meet them, too.
She eagerly returned all of Blue's affections and handed out plenty of her own.
Starry-eyed, she soaked up everything Blue and Yellow had to tell her like they were the world's most impressive people and everything they had to say was the most interesting thing in this world. She spoke quickly, punctuating every couple of sentences with an excited little yelp or an energetic little jump.
From the twinkling stars above to the barren ground below, from the grand spectacle of the elder Diamonds themselves to the tiniest motes of dust – all of it was equally glorious to her and she couldn't get enough of it.
Right from the beginning, she rejoiced in being alive, and couldn't wait to become suffused in the life that lay before her and the universe she had found herself in.
Life came to her so much more naturally than it ever did for any of them.
Which, as they would later suppose, would just make everything that happened afterwards all the more ironic...
But for now, none of them could help being swept up in her bubbly, vibrant energy – Not Blue, who saw in her all the good cheer and energy she had never been able to find in herself, and proudly carried her forward in a sedan made from her own hands, so that she might present her to their creator, nor Yellow, whose stony, controlled demeanor had not survived contact with Pink's infectious laugh – She was standing right next to Blue, grinning like a dork as they both came to face White.
Balancing herself on Blue's fingers, Pink took the opportunity to strike a pose in the Grand Matriarch's face.
The rigid cogwheels of her thinking had already gone and listed half a dozen unwelcome tendencies that would have to be stamped out before this one could be trusted with her own planets – but she was sure that, whatever follies she might have to remedy, in the end she would eventually see reason, fall in line, and join the three of them to rule the galaxies at their side –
She never, ever doubted it, not even for an instant.
Accordingly, she clasped her hands together in excitement, glowing in more than just the literal sense.
"Well, aren't you the most precious little Starlight! Yellow, Blue! Just look at her!"
They were looking. They had been looking for a while now, before the small Diamond had been joined by another momentous sight – The two of them couldn't actually name the last time they had seen White looking enthusiastic about anything – and it stung, especially for Yellow, but at the same time, they couldn't really bring themselves to lay any blame at the eldest or the youngest Diamond, because they felt exactly the same.
And looking at White, well – It's not like she was serious, like there way anything that could truly touch her enough to truly sway her thought, to knock her mask off of her face and herself right out of the play she was putting on of the predefined script she expected everything in her surroundings to follow, but what little booby-trapped, half-conditional, wafer-thin, color-starved hollow-outline see-through love she was capable of, this little creature had surely won it.
"Hello there!" she greeted, in an affectation of a not-quite-maternal singsong voice, reaching out one of her hands. "It's me! The one who brought you into this world."
Pink's immediate response was to wrap her arms around White's outstretched fingers. "Thanks a lot for letting me exist then! I hope we'll all get along! The four of us, and everyone else, too!"
"Oh Starlight, don't be silly." White chided, but in that moment, it was more of a playful reprimand that didn't stop her from affectionately rubbing the joint of her index finger against Pink Diamond's cheeks. "You area Diamond! That means you are going to be a ruler - a bringer of death and a giver of life. For as long as you exist, you will be worshiped and admired everywhere you go."
"Really? You think so?" her little rose-colored eyes lit up. "You really think everyone will be glad to see me?"
"I know so. From now on, your future will be nothing but glory and splendor! We will take you to our world, where everything is at your service, and one day, when you're ready, you shall share in everything that is ours, forever and ever and ever!"
…
Right from the beginning, White could see that Pink Diamond was so very, very, very much like herself, much more so than any other of her creations.
Out of all the other Diamonds, none were so alike to her.
She recognized so much of herself in Pink:
The shapes of her facets, the tufts of hair that defied gravity, her playful, willful nature, she sheer joy and satisfaction she brought to the act of creation, the vibrant aura that spoke of vast, psychic potential, and her complete and utter refusal to ever hear "No".
Here was, at last, a most faithful reflection!
And yet, when White looked into that mirror, what she saw was far from perfect:
(fastidious, petulant, inconsiderate, immature, false, and so very, very foolish)
And how would that even be possible, that she could be like White and yet flawed, part of her but still so very different as if to be her complete antithesis:
They would catch her playing with the servants, or chatting with the wall gems – left to her own devices, she'd be inclined to mingle with them, as if a Diamond like her were no different from any other creature in all of White's creations, or even lifeforms outside of it!
Where White had come to keep a distance from her subject, Pink longed to be among them as one of their own. Where White aimed to have everything understood so that she might avoid engaging with it directly, Pink flung herself face-first at every unknown so that it might surprise her -
For here White could not be swayed, Pink was be impressionable and so very easily taken in by all the sights and sensations around her, and where White kept her desires and attachments restrained under lock and key, Pink formed them so easily and followed them recklessly to her gem's content-
And still, Pink had come from her.
The most faithful mirror, stalwartly reflecting all the parts of her she never wanted to see, the neglected, overgrown gardens longing to breathe free inside her deepest darkest dreams.
For that, she favored her. For that, she indulged her.
For that, she could not suffer to let her be.
Perhaps she reminded White of what she had once had been in long forgotten ages, when she still played among the companions she had made for herself and cherished every single one.
But she had chosen to embrace what she herself had come to discard, and why would she ever do that?
White could not understand it, and thus, tried to explain it in her own terms.
She was the light, but there could be no light without shadow -
And so it figured that Pink was the darkness.
The darkness that brings chaos as surely as the light brings order.
(But whatever is wrong with a darkness?
The darkness is a safe place to hide away in; It is the void that one fills when they dream, the secrets one keeps because no one has the right to know them until the person comes along with whom you can share them in privacy.
It is the affirmation of life and the desire for living, the rush of living, the mysterious way of the heart that wants what it wants.
If it is pursued at the expense of others, then one could surely reproach that, but if everyone reneged their own life so others might live, the martyrs of this world would have no one left to die for – you would not want to live in a place where there is no darkness.
And just as its excess leads to selfish greed and irresponsible plunder that leaves no pleasure left to no one, there can be an excess of the light, a barren word where dreams can't thrive, a hive of zealotry where everything must be exposed to the collective and given up to the cause, a world that has no understanding left for weakness and therefore, no room left for the mercy that would allow a sinner to imagine their own redemption.)
A/N: When I decided that I was going for the whole blood magic aesthetic, I was gonna have White holding the knife with her right hand since its the one she uses for angry floor-punching, but then it struck me that since Yellow ends up with the right arm ship, White should probably be slashing her right arm to make her. I wanted the process to feel a little more 'intimate', like a step up from the usual method with the sweat and other fluids.
It's probably not technically blood since we've been told that gems don't have heartbeats, but their physical constructs must contain at least some gooey liquids, given that they consistently blush and are sometimes drawn with veins in their eyes for exaggerated expressions.
I imagine that Pink had Steven hooked up to, and thoroughly infused with her own "blood" and that that's part of how she got the meat bits of him to carry some of her information. He's not a clone of Greg, he's got her curly hair and nose shape and stuff, just like she must have inflicted some permanent irreversible transformation on the bits of him that she used to live in.
In being super excited to have Steven because she didn't know what he might turn out like (even when she knew she'd never get to find out, at that) she's kind of the exact opposite of White who has these very precise expectations and fails to see all the good traits off her creations because they don't match up to what she wants, but at the same time it shouldn't be understated that there IS a direct, unbroken line between the three of them.
I spent a surprising amount of time googling poetic words for shades of yellow. There seem to be a bit less than for the other colors, particularly the darker or more intense shades sported by a certain overworked space rock goddess.
As for Blue, I thought it interesting that she was the one who typically mentions having at least some distinctly positive or neutral memories involving White. It seems that while Pink was her nominal favorite and Yellow tried the hardest to win her favor, it's Blue whom she actually seems to have gotten along best, insofar as it is possible to get along with someone with an attitude like that - but then again Blue's also the type to remember things in an idealized light, so I wanted to have a scene where they have some quality time but there's still an undercurrent of something warped and twisted about it, like, "Mommy sees that you have met your villainy quota for today! Very good, let's go have some ice cream."
At the same time there must be something in there, something that would be worth missing or, at least, make her able to be persuaded.
We didn't get that many scenes where all three are actually in a room, and the most salient one was after the confrontation and also void of any dialogue, so while we've seen a lot of how they contrast with each other, pinning down the dynamic when all three are present is still a bit of guesswork at this point.