Hi! I am so sorry this took so long to post! It took so long to write for some reason, I don't know, I just have not been able to really get into writing for the last little while, but I think I am back now, so updates should start coming sooner!
Anyway, here is chapter 9, I hope you enjoy it!
Nine
A scream tore Tony from his sleep and his eyes flew open. He saw Ziva, sitting up on her side of the bed with her head in her hands, panting.
He sat up and moved to sit beside her.
"Are you alright Zi?" He asked softly.
Ziva shook her head.
"Can I touch you?" Tony asked.
Ziva nodded, and Tony reached out to rest his hand on her back gently, testing her reactions. Ziva leaned into Tony quickly and he wrapped his arms around her tightly while she cried.
Tony kissed the top of her head gently. "It's alright Zi. You're safe sweetheart, everything is okay. Just try to breathe." He told her softly.
It had been a while since she had had a nightmare that woke him up like that, and it had startled him a bit. Usually if she had a nightmare, she woke up, probably wrote about it for a little while, and then woke Tony up, because she promised that she would. She was usually fairly calm when she chose to wake him.
He brought his hand up to stroke her hair gently as he rocked her.
She managed to get her breathing under control within a few minutes, and soon her head was resting on Tony's shoulder, and she was only sniffling.
Tony kissed her forehead. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked.
Ziva shook her head. "Not particularly. But I should." She told him, her voice was small, and he didn't like that.
Tony pulled the blankets up to cover them both and he leaned back against the headboard and pulled Ziva onto his lap.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Do you want to just write for a bit?" He asked.
Ziva shrugged. "I just want you." She told him quietly.
Tony nodded. He knew exactly the feeling that she was describing. It was what he had felt in the emergency room after his own attack, but he was not sure how to put it into words. He just wanted her to be there. She made him stronger, and braver.
Ziva sat with him, silent for a few minutes before she decided to speak.
"The first time it happened… it was the day after I was captured. Saleem had beaten me, and he had taken all of my clothes, to make sure I did not try to run. I remember laying on the floor, it was cold, even for Africa, and I must have blacked out, because when I woke up again there were three men standing in the room, watching me. I guess they were instructed to wait for Saleem… he came in, and he lowered his zipper…" She trailed off.
Tony pulled her tighter against him. "You don't have to tell me." He told her.
"I want to. I need to." She said softly. "I fought back, and his men held me down while he beat me again, and he raped me… and because I tried to fight… he told me that I would be sorry, and he was right. I was. He finished, and he left the room, but he did not take his men with him." She told him. "They took turns with me… and that was only the beginning. I do not even know how many different men Saleem allowed into my cell… I remember them all. All of their faces, their smells, their voices…"
Tony had to blink to fight the tears in his own eyes as she spoke. He was glad that they were all dead. He didn't care if it made him a horrible person. He was happy that the monsters who tortured the woman he loved were dead. He wasn't sorry about it.
He brought his hand up to cup her uninjured cheek gently, tilting her head to look at him.
He kissed her softly.
"I love you. Nothing you tell me will change that." He told her.
Ziva nodded silently. "Thank you for listening." She said softly.
Tony hugged her tightly. "I'll always be here."
Ziva nodded. "I know you will. That is why I love you." She told him.
Tony smiled. "Do you want to write a bit, or do you wanna try and get a bit more sleep?" He asked.
Ziva sighed. "Sleeping would probably be better.." She trailed off.
"But?" Tony asked.
Ziva shrugged. "Maybe I will just write for a few minutes." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Okay. Do you want me to go? Do you want some tea or something? I think we still have chamomile." He said.
Ziva shook her head, tightening her arms around him. "Please stay." She said quietly.
Tony nodded. "Okay." He said softly.
Ziva reached over to her bedside table to grab the journal she was currently working in and settled back on Tony's lap. She leaned against him and opened her book to start writing.
Tony was surprised. He had expected her to move back to her side of the bed. Instead she leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder and started to write. He was unsure where to look. He did not want to intrude on her private thoughts by watching her write, so he settled for closing his eyes and resting his head back against the headboard with his arms wrapped tightly around Ziva.
He must have drifted off, because when his eyes opened again, Ziva was just closing her journal.
"Sleep?" Ziva asked, leaning back to place the journal on Tony's bedside table instead of her own.
Tony nodded. "You okay?" He asked.
Ziva kissed him gently. "Much better than I was." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Alright. Come on then." He said, shifting on the bed so he could lay back down comfortably.
Ziva laid down beside him and rested her head on the pillow beside his.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly.
"I love you." He said softly.
Ziva smiled a bit. "I love you too."
XXXXX
Ziva groaned when the sun hit her eyes through the blinds on Sunday morning. Her eyes squeezed shut and she rolled over to face Tony. She opened her eyes and she was a bit surprised to see Tony's eyes open.
"Good morning." He said happily.
Ziva smiled a bit and tilted her head up to kiss him gently. "Good morning."
"How're you feeling?" Tony asked.
Ziva shrugged. "Better." She told him simply.
Tony nodded. "And how does that feel?" He asked, referring to her injured cheek. It looked better than it had on Friday. The swelling had gone down almost entirely, and it had turned from a dark purple color to a greenish color.
Ziva shrugged. It was tender from sleeping on it all night, which she hadn't consciously done, but still.
"It is okay." She told him. It wasn't a complete lie.
Tony raised his eyebrow. "Mhm. I hope you know that you are going to spend the day relaxing before we have to go back to work tomorrow."
"I was just planning to put away those dishes and go pick up some groceries." Ziva told him.
Tony shook his head. "Nope. Not today. Today you relax and rest that head of yours." He said, kissing her forehead gently. "And you're going to start with a fresh cold pack on your face."
"I am fine Tony, really." She told him.
Tony sat up. "I'll be right back. You don't move." He insisted.
Ziva laughed lightly and laid down on her back as she watched him walk out of the bedroom.
He came back a few moments later with a cold pack wrapped in a cloth in one hand, and the almost empty bottle of aloe gel in the other.
"We're gonna have to stock up on this stuff if we keep getting bruised up like this." He told her as he handed her the cold pack for her cheek.
She took the cold pack and rested it on her cheek gently, letting out a content sigh when it cooled the dull ache that she felt.
"Leave that on for a few minutes, and then we'll do some of this." Tony said, holding up the aloe.
Ziva nodded. "Alright." She said simply.
Tony sat beside Ziva for a few minutes, playing with her hair silently. Ziva smiled, feeling her body relax as Tony's hands brushed over her scalp.
"Aloe?" Ziva asked a few minutes later, when the ache in her face had dulled to barely noticeable.
Tony nodded and reached over to the bedside table. He popped the lid open on the botte and poured some of the gel onto his fingertips.
"Tell me if it hurts." He told her.
Ziva nodded and laid still. She jumped a bit when Tony made contact with her cheek, but she relaxed quickly when she felt the cool gel soaking into her skin.
Tony wiped his hands on a tissue and closed the aloe bottle, tossing it to the side for later.
"Let that dry for a bit and then put the cold pack back on." He told her.
Ziva nodded and laid back down on the bed, resting her head on his leg.
Tony smiled softly as he watched her rest against him, completely relaxed, with her eyes closed.
Ziva pressed the cold pack back against her cheek after a few minutes.
Tony ran his hand through her curls gently. It still almost amazed him that she was here with him like this. He thought that it might never happen, but he was impossibly happy that it had.
XXXXX
When Ziva's eyes opened again, she was still lying in bed, her head on Tony's knee. She turned her head to look up at him.
Tony laughed lightly. "Good morning sleeping beauty." He joked.
Ziva smiled a bit. "What time is it?" She asked.
Tony looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand.
"Just after eleven." He told her.
Ziva's eyes widened. "What? How? I was not even tired." She told him.
Tony nodded. "You must've been more tired than you thought. That was a pretty solid two-hour nap."
Ziva nodded. "Have I been sleeping on you the whole time? Obviously I have." She said as she realized there was no way for her head to get from Tony's knee to the pillow and back again.
Tony laughed, running his fingers over her scalp. "Yeah, you were. I don't mind." He told her.
Ziva nodded silently, closing her eyes once more as Tony's fingers moved through her hair. Now she understood how she fell asleep again.
She shook her head a bit. "I am awake." She said, sitting up. She spotted the cold pack sitting beside her on the bed, almost definitely warm by now.
Tony leaned forward to kiss her gently. "I meant what I said earlier." He told her.
"What was that?" Ziva asked.
"That you are relaxing all day." He told her firmly. "And now that you're awake, you'e gonna start with a nice warm bath." He told her as he hooked one arm around her legs and the other around her waist, scooping her up off the bed. Ziva laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
He carried her into the bathroom and set her down on the counter.
"You seem to enjoy carrying me like that." Ziva said playfully.
Tony kissed her. "Absolutely."
He walked toward the large tub and leaned over, turning the taps on, adjusting them to the temperature he knew Ziva liked. He pushed the plug into the drain and stood up.
He walked back to stand in front of her on the counter. He reached for a hair elastic on the counter.
Ziva smiled and her eyes closed when Tony started to brush her hair back into a ponytail. It was startling the first few times he had done this, but now she was beginning to recognize the feeling she got when he did little things like this for her. His tenderness as he tied up her hair almost made her cry. She felt loved.
Tony secured her hair in the elastic and let it fall from his hands. He wrapped his arms around Ziva's waist gently, smiling when he felt her arms snake around his neck. They sat there silently, foreheads rested against each other, perfectly content to just be together.
Ziva's eyes shifted from Tony's a few minutes later. "The tub is almost full." She warned him.
Tony let out a small sigh and released his hold on his girlfriend to tend to the bath. He turned off the taps and dipped his hand into the water to check the temperature. He dried his hand off and offered it to Ziva.
Ziva smiled brightly, taking his hand as she slid off the counter.
Tony bowed deeply. "M'lady." He said with a thick British accent.
Ziva laughed. "Why thank you." She said as she stepped into the warm water that filled the tub.
She sank down into it slowly, leaving enough room for Tony to climb in and sit down behind her.
He released her hand and stood up. "I'll be right back." He told her.
"Where are you going?" Ziva asked, confused.
"Just to the kitchen, I'll be two minutes." He told her.
Ziva nodded and leaned back against the wall of the tub, letting her eyes close slowly.
She heard Tony walk out of the room and close the door behind him. She tried her best to hear what he was doing, but she couldn't quite make out any sounds.
She jumped a bit when the door opened suddenly a few minutes later.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Tony said. "Here." He offered her a bottle of water and two Tylenol tablets.
Ziva took them gratefully and set the bottle of water down beside the tub.
"Now are you coming in?" She asked.
"If you want me to." Tony said.
Ziva nodded and sat forward for him.
Tony smiled a bit and stepped into the tub, sitting down behind Ziva. She leaned back against him comfortably and he wrapped his arms around her waist, letting his fingers brush over her the tops of her hip bones lightly.
Ziva let out a small laugh and she grabbed Tony's hands and held them against her body as his fingers brushed across her lower stomach, tickling her.
Tony chuckled, tilting his head down to kiss her neck.
"I didn't know you were ticklish." He said quietly, flexing his fingers underneath her hands.
Ziva pressed her hands onto his harder as she squirmed under his fingertips.
"It does not happen often." She told him, laughing a bit.
Tony smiled. "Uh huh, sure it doesn't." He said playfully.
He relaxed his hands against Ziva, and her grip loosened as she relaxed back against him.
"What groceries were you planning to get?" Tony asked.
Ziva shrugged. "I am not sure. Just some basic things, we are almost out of everything." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Okay, how about you make me a list in a little while and I'll go, so you can stay here and relax?" Tony asked.
Ziva wanted to argue, she really did feel fine. She had a small headache, and her bruises hurt, but other than that she was okay, but she decided not to.
"Alright." She said simply.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "Anything I should avoid? You know, you've been here for five years, and I still don't know what you're allergic to?" He said.
Ziva smiled. "I am not allergic to anything, just no pork or shellfish." She told him.
Tony nodded. "I knew that." He told her. "Can I ask you a question?"
Ziva nodded. "Of course." She said, turning her head to look up at him.
"Why don't you keep Kosher?" Tony asked curiously.
Ziva thought for a moment. "I suppose because my parents did not." She told him. "I mean eating Kosher in Israel is much easier than it is here obviously, but we never had Kosher dishes or anything. We were not an Orthodox family. We believed in God, and we were Jewish, we just had a different way of showing it." Ziva explained. She hoped that made sense.
Tony nodded. "It was more about living and believing and less about following every single law." He said.
Ziva nodded. "Exactly. But, that being said, there are things that we absolutely stuck to, such as no pork, no shellfish, I always have my steak well-done. It just does not feel right to eat those things." She told him.
Tony nodded. "That makes sense." He looked down at her when he felt her shudder against him. "You okay?" He asked softly.
Ziva stayed silent. She wasn't really sure what to say.
"Zi?" He asked again.
Ziva looked up at him with tears in her eyes, and Tony's face was immediately full of concern.
"What is it Zi?" He asked softly. "Talk to me princess."
Ziva sniffled. "It is nothing, really…" She trailed off before she decided to keep going. "In Somalia, I did not get much to eat, they only gave me enough to keep me alive." She told him as tears slid down her cheeks.
Tony nodded silently, running soothing circles around her hip bones with his thumbs.
"They wanted to make me feel… dirty, I suppose, or dirtier than I already felt after they," she paused, taking a deep breath, "after they had raped me. It worked. They gave me two meals a day, if you can even call it a meal. It was the same thing every day. Six pieces of bacon and a glass of water for breakfast, and three thick slices of ham with some bread for dinner." She said, lacing her fingers through his and squeezing tightly.
Tony hugged his crying Ziva tightly against his body. "I'm so sorry." He said softly. He wasn't really sure what else to say.
"I do not know why I kept eating it… I did not want to, and I really did not want to live anymore. I have never feared death." She admitted.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "I think there had to be a reason that you kept eating. You kept yourself alive for something." He told her.
Ziva nodded against him silently and a thought popped into her head.
"It was you." She whispered.
"Huh?" Tony asked, he hadn't been able to make out what she said.
Ziva cleared her throat. "It was you. I was… it sounds stupid, but I was hoping you would come for me. I needed you." She told him.
It was Tony's turn to blink back tears as he held her tightly.
"I'll always find a way to be there." He told her firmly.
Ziva nodded against him. "I believe you."
XXXXX
Ziva pulled the plug out of the drain with her foot and stood up. She stepped out of the tub and grabbed her own towel before holding another one out for Tony to take.
"Thanks." Tony said as he unfolded it.
He dried himself off quickly and wrapped the towel around his waist. "Want me to bring you some clothes?" He asked.
Ziva nodded. "Please." She said as she shook out her towel and began drying herself off.
Tony nodded and walked out of the bathroom. He walked into the bedroom and picked up his sweatpants and pulled them on. He grabbed a pair of Ziva's pyjama shorts, and a tank top out of her drawer.
He walked back across the hall to the bathroom and held her clothes out to her.
"Thank you." She said as she took them.
Tony smiled and walked out of the bathroom. He walked down the hall and into the kitchen. He pulled out the bag of frozen fruit in the freezer and pulled the lid off of the top of the blender. He dumped some of the fruit into the blender and put it back in the freezer. He opened the fridge and pulled out the almond milk that Ziva liked and poured some of it into the blender before he put the lid back on the blender and hit the start button.
Ziva hung her towel on the hook on the back of the door and reached for her clothes. She pulled them on quickly and looked in the mirror, tightening her ponytail before she reached over to hit the light switch and turn off the fan.
She walked out into the living room and dropped down onto the couch, leaning back against it.
"What are you doing?" She called.
Tony walked out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch in front of her, holding out a pinkish smoothie to her.
"Here." He said.
"You do not have to wait on me like this Tony, I am fine." Ziva told him.
Tony raised an eyebrow. "Just take it Zi. Let me help you today." He told her.
Ziva smiled softly, taking the glass. "Thank you." She said as she took a sip.
Tony smiled as he watched her carefully. She looked a bit more relaxed than she had last night, but he could tell she was still thinking about it.
"I'm gonna grab a pen, and you're going to write down what you want in the vein of groceries." Tony told her.
"I really can go do the groceries Tony I-"
Tony interrupted her. "You're not fine, so don't even try." He told her.
Ziva nodded. "Alright." She said softly, taking another sip of her smoothie.
Tony walked over to the drawer that he knew had the takeout menus in it. He grabbed a pen and a notepad out of the drawer and walked back over to the couch.
"Write." He told Ziva.
Ziva took the pen and paper from him.
"I do not know why you need me to write a list, you have been living here for three months, you know what I usually get." Ziva pointed out.
"I just wanna make sure I get everything you want." He told her.
Ziva smiled softly. "Whatever you get is fine Tony, I am really not picky."
Tony nodded. "Alright." He said.
Ziva tossed the pen and paper onto the coffee table and leaned back against the couch to drink her smoothie.
"Do you want me to go now?" Tony asked.
Ziva shrugged. "You can if you want, I do not think time really matters." She told him.
Tony nodded and reached out, tangling his fingers with hers.
"You okay?" Tony asked.
Ziva nodded. "I am fine." She told him.
She leaned forward and put her glass down on the coffee table before she scooted closer to him, kissing him softly.
"I promise, I am okay." Ziva told him.
Tony nodded. "Alright." He said. He looked up at the clock on the wall. "It is almost two, maybe I'll go now and then I'll cook dinner when I get back?" He said.
Ziva nodded. "Alright."
Tony reached up to grab his shirt off of the back of the couch and pulled it over his head and he stood up.
He leaned down to kiss Ziva. "I'll be back." He said as he walked toward the door.
"I will be here. Call if you need anything." Ziva told him.
"I will. Love you." Tony said as he grabbed his car keys and opened the door.
Ziva smiled a bit. "I love you too." She called after him.
XXXXX
Tony opened the apartment door two hours later, carrying at least seven grocery bags. He didn't want to make a second trip down to his car.
He looked around, hoping Ziva would come and take the bag that he had between his teeth. He spotted her on the couch, sleeping peacefully, her journal on the floor. She must have fallen asleep writing.
He closed the door and walked into the kitchen as quietly as he could. He made quick work of putting away the groceries that he had brought home.
He closed the fridge ten minutes later and walked into the living room.
Ziva was still sleeping on the couch. He bent down and picked up her journal off the floor. He re-placed the bookmark on the page that she was working on and closed the book, placing it on the coffee table.
He bent down to kiss her forehead softly and he pulled the blanket down off the back of the couch to cover her up before he walked into the kitchen to start dinner.