Sorry this took so long! I have been playing around with the idea for this chapter in my head for weeks now, and I couldn't decide if this was a good way to do this or not, but I decided to write it this way, becaue I know that if we did have the chance to actually see this, this is the way i would have wanted it to go/be written. But the writer's never saw it that way, so it's my turn. Anyway, I am hoping the next chapter will not take so long to write, but I have to apologize as I can make no guarantees. But without anymore of my incessant rambling, here is chapter 13! I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!
Thirteen
"Please stop looking at me like that." Ziva almost begged as she drove through D.C. on their way to work the next morning. "I am fine, Tony."
"When is your next appointment with Lillian?" Tony asked.
Ziva rolled her eyes. "Stop. I do not need therapy to deal with my father." She snapped at him.
"I wasn't suggesting that you did, I just thought that talking to someone with a different perspective, who's never met the man might help. I won't do it again." He told her irritably from the passenger seat.
They were silent for the rest of the drive.
Ziva pulled into her assigned parking space and turned the car off. Tony reached to pull the door handle when Ziva stopped him.
"You know if we go in like this Gibbs will throw rule twelve at us right?" She asked.
"Yep." Tony said shortly.
Ziva sighed sadly. "He is probably already out of the country, Tony." She told him, looking down at her hands in her lap. "There is nothing I can do. He did not…" She trailed off. What did it matter?
"He didn't what Zi?" Tony asked gently.
Ziva shrugged. "He did not care about me. He only wanted me back under his control." She told him.
"And that hurt you." Tony said.
Ziva nodded. "It should not have but it did."
Tony reached across the center console to hold her hand. "Of course, it should have hurt, Ziva. He's your father. He raised you, you shouldn't feel like you don't have the right to be hurt when he did something that hurts you."
Ziva shrugged. "I guess." She said softly.
Tony brought his hand up to rest on her cheek gently, tilting her head up to see him.
"It's okay to care about him. There isn't anything wrong with that." Tony said.
"I just do not understand why he does not care about me." Ziva told him. "I am his daughter, he raised me…"
Tony shrugged. "I don't know Zi, I wish I did. Hopefully you'll be able to ask him one day, but I think that day might still be a bit further into the future."
Ziva nodded. She looked up at him. "I'm sorry." She said softly.
"For what?" Tony asked.
"Snapping at you, I know you were just trying to help." She said.
Tony leaned forward to kiss her forehead softly. "You don't have to apologize, I shouldn't have pried."
Ziva laughed lightly. "This is just going to become one big apology circle isn't it?" She asked.
Tony nodded, smiling a bit. "Yeah, probably. But seriously, if I go too far, tell me." He told her.
Ziva nodded. "I will, you know that. You were not prying, you were just trying to help, and I love you for it."
Tony smiled. "I love you too."
"And my next appointment is on Wednesday, by the way." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Are we okay?" He asked unsurely.
Ziva shifted and leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck, burying her head in his shoulder. "We are fine, Tony."
Tony nodded. "Okay. Are you alright? I'm sure Gibbs would be okay if we went and got coffee and just walked for a while." He suggested.
Ziva shook her head. "I am hurt, but I am okay. It will heal. I think I just have to learn to accept what I get from my father and remember that I have the best family that I could ever ask for around me every day. And if he cannot see that, then it is his loss."
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "He doesn't deserve you."
Ziva shrugged and shook out her head. "We should get inside, we are late." She said, looking at the clock.
Tony nodded. "Yeah… let's go."
XXXXX
Tony had made sure to keep an eye on Ziva throughout the day. He was thankful that it had been a quiet day, they could just make phone calls from their desks. He was even more thankful when Gibbs gave them the dismissive nod that told them they could go home.
He grabbed his bag and his jacket and walked toward Ziva's desk, where she was pulling on her own jacket. He grabbed her bag off the floor and held his hand out to her.
"See you tomorrow." Tony called to Gibbs and McGee as they walked toward the elevator.
Tony and Ziva stepped off the elevator on the ground floor of the building and pushed open the front doors to walk across the parking lot.
Ziva pulled her keys out of her jacket pocket and unlocked the car. She and Tony dropped into their seats heavily and slammed the doors.
Ziva looked over at Tony. "I want to show you something." She said as she started the car.
Tony looked over at her curiously. "Okay?" He said unsurely.
Ziva nodded. "Don't worry, it is nothing bad." She told him.
Tony watched her carefully as she drove out of the parking lot.
They sat in the car in silence as Ziva drove through a neighbourhood in D.C. that wasn't too far from her own apartment.
She made a right turn and drove about halfway down the block before she pulled up along the curb and put the car in park. She turned off the car and pulled her key out of the ignition.
She got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side where Tony say, confused.
She pulled open his door and held her hand out to him. "Come with me." She told him.
Tony took her hand and stepped out of the car. He pushed his door closed behind him and looked around.
"What are we doing here?" He asked.
Ziva laced her fingers with his as she began to walk toward the gate in the fence. She closed it again once they were through and led him through the small garden toward a… a shed? Tony was confused.
"Zi, what's going on?" He asked.
Ziva led him up to the little porch that was attached to the shed and she pulled out a small key to unlock the door.
She pulled the door open, and Tony's senses were immediately assaulted with the scent of sawdust, and something that was so, unexplainably Ziva. He stepped inside after her and closed the door as he looked around the small room.
"What is this?" Tony asked once again.
Ziva turned to look at him. "This is where I come when I need to think." She told him.
Tony smiled a bit. It looked like her. It was exactly what you would expect Ziva's personal space to look like. Hard and badass, but with an unexplainable warmth. It was homey.
"I like it." Tony told her.
Ziva nodded. "So do I." She said.
Tony reached out to wrap his arms around her waist. "Why did you bring me here?" He asked curiously.
Ziva turned in his arms to face him. "Because I did not want to keep it secret from you. I did not want you to worry if you could not find me one day." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Alright."
Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "If there is ever a time when you do not know where I am, or I am not answering your calls, come here before you dive to conclusions." She told him.
"Jump." He corrected, laughing lightly.
Ziva smiled. "Jump to conclusions." She said before pressing her lips to his gently.
Tony smiled brightly, pulling her tighter against him.
"I am sorry about this morning." She told him softly.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "Stop apologizing Zi, it's alright. Don't worry about it, it's already been forgotten about." He told her firmly.
Ziva nodded against his shoulder. "Alright."
Tony stepped backward to sit on the small couch against the far wall and he pulled Ziva down onto his lap.
"I'm serious." He told her. "We are allowed to fight. You are allowed to get angry and upset with me."
Ziva nodded. "I know, I am… I am scared of going too far, or saying the wrong thing when I am angry… I do not want to hurt you." She told him quietly.
Tony kissed her temple softly. "I know you don't, and I know that if you do, you don't mean it. People say things in the heat of the moment. It's okay. I've done it plenty. Don't be scared to tell me what you're thinking, I want to know, no matter what. And I will always forgive you." He told her.
Ziva nodded against him. "Let me up for a second, I want to give you something."
Tony released his hold on her waist and Ziva stood from his lap and walked over to the desk. She pulled open the drawer and rooted through it for a moment before she pulled out a key. She walked back over to Tony and held it out to him.
"Here." She said simply.
Tony looked up at her. "I don't need that Zi." He told her. "I won't use it." He said. He didn't want to invade her private space.
Ziva dropped the key into his hand. "Take it, just in case." She told him.
Tony nodded slowly and put the key in his pocket, to be added to his keyring later, but he really had no intentions to use it.
Ziva sat back down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.
"I have not come out here since August." She told him.
Tony nodded. "I know, you haven't really had the time. That's mostly my fault." He said.
Ziva shook her head. "No, it isn't. I haven't needed to be here. I have been perfectly comfortable with you." She told him. "And I can write in a journal just as easily from my bed as I can at my desk."
Tony nodded. "I guess that's true. You know I wouldn't mind though right, if you needed to get away for a few hours, it's okay." He told her.
Ziva nodded. "I know, that is why I wanted you to know about it. So if I ever disappear for a while, I am most likely just out here trying to sort some things out." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Alright. Can I ask for something?" He asked.
Ziva nodded. "Sure."
"If you ever decide to come out here, just send me a text before you stop communicating for a while. Just so I know for sure that you're alright. I worry." He told her.
Ziva nodded. "I can do that." She told him.
She rested her head on his chest and sat silently with him for a few minutes.
"You remember when you asked me how long I had been writing for?" Ziva asked.
Tony nodded. "Yeah."
Ziva pushed herself off the couch once more and walked over to the cabinet on the wall and pulled the doors open.
Tony was amazed to see the amount of journals that she had stacked within the cabinet.
"They're all full?" He asked.
Ziva nodded.
"Wow." Was all Tony could think to say.
Ziva laughed lightly. "You can read some of them if you want to, I do not mind." She told him.
Tony shook his head. "I couldn't do that, they're your private thoughts. If you wanted them shared you would have said them out loud." He said.
Ziva nodded. "Technically yes, but I truly do not mind if you want to look through them." She said as she walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I do not want to have any secrets from you. And I know that you would not think of me any differently if you read them." She told him.
Tony shrugged. "It just feels weird."
Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "I am not saying you have to read them Tony, I am just saying that the option is there, and I do not mind if it is just you. I trust you." She told him.
Tony nodded as his eyes drifted back toward the cabinet. "You said you started writing when you were a teenager, are some of these from that long ago?" He asked curiously.
Ziva shook her head. "No, those ones are… probably still in my family's home in Israel. These are what I've written since moving here and joining NCIS." She told him.
"Wow." Tony said. "I never would've pegged you as a writer."
Ziva laughed. "I would hardly call myself a writer. I just think a lot, and writing my thoughts helps to organize them." She said.
"That's cool though, you kind of have a chronicle of your life. I wish I had thought of that." Tony said, chuckling lightly.
Ziva smiled. "You could always start." She said. "Writing in a journal helps a lot of people with PTSD, you never know, it may help you too." She suggested.
Tony nodded. "Maybe I will." He said.
Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "We should get home and try to find something for dinner." She told him.
Tony nodded and looked down at his watch. It was already 21:30.
"Why don't we just hit a drive-thru?" Tony asked.
Ziva looked up at him. "Anything but McDonald's." She said, cringing.
Tony laughed. "Alright, how about pizza? Or Chinese? That one place by the apartment is pretty good. And we might have leftovers for tomorrow." He suggested.
Ziva nodded. "Alright. Chinese sounds good." She said.
Tony pulled away from her and Ziva led him out of the small building. He watched as she locked the door and slid the keys back into her pocket.
Ziva was taken by surprise when he reached out and pulled her toward him as she turned around. He kissed her softly, wrapping his arms around her waist. Ziva's hands drifted up to run through his hair gently.
"Thank you for bringing me here." He said quietly as they pulled away from the kiss.
Ziva nodded. "You are welcome here any time, whether I am here or not, alright? I already told the landlady that I would be giving you the spare key." Ziva told him.
Tony nodded. "Thank you." He said. He didn't plan on coming here by himself, it was Ziva's space, and now that they worked together, and he had moved into her apartment, he thought it might be nice for her to have a space that as just hers.
Ziva kissed his cheek softly as she slid her hand into his. "Let's go get dinner and get into bed, I am exhausted." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Sounds good, lead the way, mon cherie."