If I thought the moments leading up to my leaving Stardew Valley were blurry, I wasn't prepared for how blurred the next few days would be.
It was all like one constant, low-grade panic attack. I felt this pain in my chest whenever my mother's cell phone rang, and my spirits dropped when it was just a family member and not the vet. At first, it was impossible to focus on literally anything else. Even when I got that focus back, not knowing whether or not Joey was going to come back to us ate away at me like you wouldn't believe. I looked forward to sleep more than I ever had before; it meant time would pass without me having to wait on it. More time for my little buddy's condition to improve.
Occasionally, all the little memories I'd accumulated with him came to mind, and I had to fight to keep myself together. Crying, no matter how relaxing it may be to other people, simply didn't work for me. It made my body hurt even more the last time I'd let it happen.
It felt like a year… but it was only a few days.
A few days before my mother finally spoke the words "Joey's doing better." The fog in my mind cleared immediately.
I hadn't exactly prepared myself for what he would look like when we went to pick him up. I felt my stomach lurch when I saw wounds all over him, open and stitched alike. Thoughts of "If I ever see the monster who did this, they'll catch hell" ran through my mind. Then, thoughts of "I'll probably never know" and "I'd get arrested if I did anything" ran through my mind.
Poor thing wasn't moving all that much, but the personality and vibrance was in his eyes. He also meowed when he saw us approaching, and it was the same old meow.
We were given prescriptions for some medications, and we left. Later that night, Joey was already moving a little more.
I knew then that I could head back to Stardew Valley with no worries. I went to find the next bus back there.
As the bus's doors opened and I went inside, I thought about Laslow again, and a bomb exploded in my mind, sending little thoughts zipping everywhere.
Had someone seen my notice and checked up on him? What if he was just on the ground dying? Was I a horrible pet owner for the way I had done this? I mean, when I got the call, I didn't think I could have waited for the morning to ask someone in person to feed Laslow.
My heart sped up even more when the bus reached Stardew Valley. While there were other people around me, I kept myself at a decent pace… but as soon as I stepped off the bus and a few steps away from it, I made a mad dash for my house.
When I threw the door open, what I saw certainly wasn't what I was expecting to see.
Laslow was happy and healthy, which was good. There was a decent amount of food in his bowl, which either meant he wasn't eating much or someone had stepped up to the proverbial plate.
It was the latter. Sitting on the floor, scratching behind Laslow's ears and joining him in looking at me as if I was a ghost… was Sam.
When I'd opened the door, I was too panicked to think about closing it. When it clicked in my mind that everything was okay, I sheepishly turned around and closed it.
I then said "Hey," to Sam, who said "Hi," back.
When I turned back around, Laslow was sitting at my feet and looking up at me with a calmer expression. I fell to my knees and picked him up, then hugged him close to me.
One of Laslow's arms just so happened to be on either side of my neck. Nevertheless, he didn't move. I held him, and he simply sat in my embrace and purred. I could just barely see his eyes… and they were closed.
Just now, my constant panic was coming to an end. I didn't think I'd ever been so happy to hear and feel a cat's purr. I almost thought I could feel something like love coming from it.
I was getting ready to lean my head on him and hold him like that for a while, but I sort of re-realized that Sam was there, watching me sort of collapse. I looked straight at him.
"Thank you so, so much for taking care of Laslow," I said, almost half-ready to cry. "The situation I was put in couldn't have gotten any shittier, and… to be honest… I was afraid nobody would see my post on the wall."
"Don't mention it," said Sam. "…You've got a really sweet cat."
"He is a sweetie, isn't he?" I said.
He'd walked right over to me, even after having someone else feed him for the past few days.
Did... Did that mean I was special?
Did that mean… he loved me?
Did a living being in this world, even if he wasn't human, love me?
The next thing I registered was that Sam had walked a bit closer to us. He was now standing by my bed.
"You don't mind if I sit on your bed, do you?" he asked.
"No, go ahead," I replied. I had to admit, having Sam around was also comforting me to a pretty big degree.
He sat and asked "Are you okay?"
"Heh, these past few days have been hell," I told him, hugging Laslow just a bit closer. "So… my cat back home, who I love dearly, got in a fight with another cat and nearly got killed in the process."
"Oh, no," Sam reacted.
"He was just in…" I said, feeling myself choke up a little bit. "He was just teetering on this tightrope of life, for lack of a better way to put it, for too long. Thankfully, he's okay now, but…" I took a deep, shaky breath. "Then, even after that, I panicked because I was afraid Laslow wasn't being fed… Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for taking care of him."
"Again, don't mention it," said Sam.
"Sorry I'm such a mess," I said. "The panic's over now. I'm… just now coming down from it, for lack of a better way to put it."
"It's perfectly okay," said Sam, in perhaps the most comforting tone he'd ever put on. "…It's all over now, right?"
"Yeah," I said. "It's literally just a matter of my cat back home healing, my calming down, and everything going back to normal."
"That's good," said Sam.
"…I know you said not to mention it and all," I said. "But I have to ask…. Is there anything I can do to thank you? For taking care of Laslow and… just… being here, to be honest?"
He opened his mouth, as if to say no. He then closed it, though, and thought for a bit. The suspense was real.
"…Only if you're up for it," he eventually said.
"Shoot," I replied.
He didn't seem prepared for me to be willing to listen. His eyes widened for a second. He also took a deep breath.
"Alright," he eventually said.
He then opened his arms. Not all the way, but sort of like an upside-down, slightly-tilted V.
"Would it be okay if I hugged you?"
I was legit blindsided. I never exactly thought I'd make it this far. I mean, I suppose I'd told myself over and over that this wouldn't happen, and I wasn't even thinking about Sam (for once in my life) when it finally did happen.
No matter what I told myself, though… I'd be a damned fool not to take what was right in front of me.
"Yeah," I told Sam, putting Laslow down. "I'd… actually really like that." I felt my face go red as I said the second thing.
In one fell swoop, we got up, walked over to each other, and enveloped each other in a warm embrace. The last of my panic from the last few days evaporated into thin air, like rubbing alcohol under blistering sunlight. Speaking of blistering sunlight, I want to say I was right when I imagined Sam could give me a fever with the warmth of his hug. Every fiber of my being felt as if it had been placed on a heating pad. Every muscle in my body relaxed, and I couldn't imagine the amount of happy chemicals my brain was sending out. I felt like nothing was wrong in the world. I wanted to stay there forever, in something I'd been genuinely starved of. In fact, a few seconds into the hug, I held him a little tighter without really thinking.
Right as I realized what I'd done, I also realized that Sam had done the same thing. His grip seemed to be a bit tighter, too. Out of nowhere, I started wondering whether by some chance, he needed this just as much as I did. It'd make complete sense, with him going through everything he was with his father, and potentially all sorts of other battles either related or not.
So maybe seven or so seconds later, when he let go, I let go as well (even if it made me a bit sad to do so) and assured him of something.
"Hey," I said. "I know I've said this before, but… if you ever need someone to give you a hug, give you a second opinion, to listen to you, or even just to be there… come find me. That is, if you want. I just don't ever want you to feel like you're alone at a time where you don't want to be alone."
In response to this, he sort of looked at me for a second, then pulled me into another hug. This one felt a little more desperate. When I wrapped my arms around him again, I gave his back a little rub.
"Thank you," he said.
"Not a problem," I replied.
A few seconds later, we separated again.
"I should probably get going," he said.
I was about to be sad about that, but only then did I take notice of how tired I was. In fact, I felt myself declining way too quickly, probably due both to the time and the panic I'd just gotten over.
"Alright," I nodded. "Take care!"
"You too!" he said, walking to the door.
We gave each other a wave before he walked out and closed the door behind him.
I crawled into bed. Laslow immediately hopped up beside me and curled up. My mind returned to those questions from before.
Sam had been the one feeding him for days on end, but I was the one his attention was on when I returned.
…Almost made me wonder if… even if Sam really was just being nice for all this time… and nobody else in this town, or this world, saw me as anything special… Laslow did.
Even if I had nothing else, I had that.
Oftentimes, though, these positive mindsets only lasted a bit before the self-hatred shoved them out of the way and reigned supreme once again. Only time would tell if this one would hold up.