Birds of a Feather Collection

How to Measure Love

— Hawks helps you recognize what true value to see in yourself.

Hawks couldn't believe the awful dilemma he was in.

Ever since you came to work at his agency as recent two-year PR graduate, you'd swept everyone off their feet with your charm. It wasn't like you were trying to either. Hawks could spot a liar and superficial ass when he saw one, and after spending hours on end at work with you, he could tell you weren't that kind of person. Young and sweet, more like it, and quite the space cadet at times. It always amazed him how kind you could be and that it came from a genuine desire to help others. You should've been a hero—one that, unlike many he knew and heard of, would care more about the people that about herself. And he liked that about you.

You were easy to talk to, easy and a pleasure to just be around with, and the way you worried in a way that wasn't pushy but sincerely caring was endearing. It seriously took less than the short months of you working at his agency for Hawks to fall for you.

But that wasn't the problem. Fraternizing wasn't something prohibited in his agency per se. All that he asked was that it didn't happen at the office and that it didn't interfere with their work. Otherwise it was a-okay with him. No, that wasn't the problem.

What actually was…

"That's sweet." Hawks perked up at hearing one of his sidekick's words as they walked through the agency while heading out.

Amber eyes caught sight of the large bouquet in your hands just freshly delivered by the look of things. Bright, colorful flowers brushed against your skin as you leaned in to take a deep inhale of their scent. The light tint of rose on your cheeks and the chirpy compliments and comments from the receptionists that must've gotten the gossip told him exactly who those were from. Your boyfriend.

"Ladies," Hawks couldn't keep from speaking up as they passed the PR office. All of them, yourself included, jumped a little at being busted fanning over the bouquet.

"B-Boss?!"

Giving them all a tight-lipped smile, he eyed each and every one chidingly until he came to you. Though flustered, you couldn't quite put into a words any sort of excuse.

"Lovely flowers, y/n," he complimented. "They'll need a vase if you want them to live long. I'd do that fast if I were you."

"A-Ah, yes, of course!"

You scamper off your seat, rounding your desk and dashing out of the office with the rest of the women. The smile left him as he watched your receding back and turned back to glare at the bouquet.

"Boss, we're gonna be late for patrol!"

"Coming."

Hawks met the lucky bastard once. You had stayed behind at the office doing damage control on an absurdly and obviously fake tabloid. He'd done the same, needing to finish paperwork that he'd let pile up after weeks. Coincidentally both of you finished at the same time and met at the lobby. Hawks praised his good luck, fully intending to use the chance to the fullest. You were talking like nothing, settling into a calm that he loved, when he asked if he could take or walk you home. Like always, you grew a little flustered and stumbled on yours words.

For some reason, Hawks thought that you'd say yes.

"A-Actually, I'm getting picked-"

"Y/n!"

But hearing another man's voice call your name as he approached quickly shot that down and his hopes with it. Hawks' expression turned nonchalant at the way he'd so clumsily gotten to you and rubbed the back of his head.

"Sorry about the wait. Got out late from work too."

"It's alright," you interjected, a smiling coming to your lovely lips as you turned towards Hawks. "Hawks-san, this is my boyfriend. He's taking me home."

"Oh." Not wanting for you to see the way those words pained him, Hawks feigned a grin, shaking his hand when he offered it. "Well, guess you'll be fine getting home then. See you tomorrow."

It'd been the punch in the gut of a lifetime. He was in love with someone who already had somebody else. Fuck… What shit luck he had. Despite knowing this though, he couldn't help feeling the way he did about you. He knew how stupid it was to be in love for someone who couldn't reciprocate back. Being that what it may, Hawks wasn't one to just let go of things. He wouldn't interfere, but it would certainly take a while for him to fall out of love. Especially when you saw each other on the daily.

Hawks was out on a walk—pouting about this exact thing after being reminded when your boyfriend sent you yet another bouquet to the office—when he saw it. It was a restaurant that he frequented because he liked their food and also because they kept a low profile regarding who they served. Hawks was on the other side of the street when he saw them come out. Your boyfriend—but it wasn't you who walked by his side. It wasn't you who he was chatting with a little too amicably. And it definitely wasn't you who he was kissing.

He promised himself he wouldn't interfere. It was your love life. Not something he had any say in. But this?

Fucker's got something coming.

Blood boiling, Hawks swooped down before the couple of them, his wings brandished off as he smirked lopsidedly at him. At recognizing him, your shit-excuse of a boyfriend blanched while the woman with him gawked in awe at the No.2 hero. Feigning a smile that he knew got through quite menacingly depending on who saw it, Hawks tilted his head to the side.

"Well, hello there. Fancy meeting you here. On a date."

Fucker tried every excuse on the book, taking his arm off from the woman even. But it was all too little, too late. Hawks knew what he'd seen. And he knew exactly what he was.

"This isn't what it looks like."

"No?" Hawks chuckled, turning to the lady that had been accompanying the bastard with a candid smile. "Sweetheart, did you know that the man who just took you to dinner has a girlfriend?"

She exploded almost instantly. "What?!"

"Yep!" Amber eyes glinted with mischief and delight at seeing him squirm. "If I'm not wrong, they've been dating for five months already."

"You!" She spun livid, red-faced at the news before hitting him a couple of times. "I fucking knew it! You've been cheating on me!"

Hawks felt that sink in heavily and saw red for a moment. You weren't his actual girlfriend. You were the ass's bit on the side. Fucking idiot. Though he enjoyed how pathetic the guy was trying to excuse himself when the lady left, Hawks' business wasn't with her. All he wanted was to leave one thing very clear.

"Look here, buddy," Hawks drawled, emphasizing acerbically the last word to make himself clear. "I don't care what you do with your life. You could go jump off a cliff and I'd be glad to watch. What I won't stand for is you two-timing y/n."

"Y/n? This is about her?"

"Yes, dumbass, it is. Now," Hawks unfurled his wings to their full span, stepping closer and grabbing the guy by the collar of his shirt. "You're going to go see her, tell her the truth, and fucking pray that I don't feel like hunting you down after you hurt her 'cause be-lieve-me," his feathers tensed, sharpening at the rabid rage coursing through him, "there won't be shit left of you when I do."

Hawks swore he blew a gasket the moment he saw the bouquet of roses on your desk the next day. By the content expression on your face it was than clear that the coward hadn't said a thing. Bastard.Hawks didn't know why he trusted he would. He didn't understand how the threat of obvious bodily harm by his hand didn't do the trick. But it hadn't. And you were still none the wiser of what the bastard was doing to you.

Hawks avoided you the rest of the day. What he knew wasn't something for him to divulge, no matter how much he wanted to. No, this wasn't his place despite how much he wished it were. He almost went the whole day without talking to you—a torture in and of itself—when you caught him as he was just leaving his office.

"Hawks-san, can I have a moment to speak to you?" He almost declined. He'd been this close from saying no to you. "Please?" That utterly broke him.

He took you in to his office, offering you a seat which you deftly declined yourself with a wave of your hand and a smile. For once, he felt nervous. He couldn't tell what you wanted to talk about and that set his panic off. But when that usually cheerful demeanor of yours changed to a rather solemn one behind a tight-lipped smile, Hawks could tell what this was about almost instantly.

"You ran into h/n yesterday, didn't you?"

It didn't really sound like a question. More like a suspicion that she wanted verified. And because Hawks wasn't one to hold back, he answered her truthfully.

"I did."

"You saw him coming out of a restaurant…with another woman?"

"Yeah."

"I see." You took a deep breath and wiped your face and tears away with the back of your hands. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"It's the least I can do," he replied. Silenced for a moment, Hawks tried to reach out to touch your shoulder, "Are you—"

"I knew he was cheating on me."

His fingers and feathers twitched at the sudden declaration and he stared at you befuddled. "You did?" You nodded still wiping tears that streamed down your face.

"I-I guess I kind of suspected it—ever since we started dating, actually—that I wasn't really the only one he was seeing." A weird smile came to her lips even though her tears were still rolling down her reddened cheeks. "But I let it be. I told myself not to mind it. Because, really, he was the first to ask me out. I…I hadn't really gone out with anybody before that, not really. And he asked me out, you know? He's made me feel real special and I-I'm happy…" The moment you choked on your words as a sob broke from you lips, you trembled obviously not believing the blatant lie spilling from your lips.

"Y/n," Hawks spoke softly, and gently took your arm to lead you to seat down as he crouched before you to better look at you. "You can't tell me that like this and expect me to believe that you're really happy with someone who doesn't love you?"

"But he does love me. He always sends me flowers. He always texts me that he loves me. He always makes dinner for us at home."

Hawks didn't know who you were trying to convince anymore.

"I don't want to be a downer but have you ever asked yourself why he never brings the flowers himself? Does he call you to say it too? Does he ever take you out in public anywhere?"

The questions seemed to only prove what they both already knew for a fact. And yet…

"I thought it'd be fine if I just ignored it." She chuckled, but it sounded muffled behind her sobs. "Because I didn't want to confront him. I didn't want to lose him. No one's gonna love me like that—I don't deserve it."

Not true.

"That's not true." He didn't know what spurred him to speak. It didn't matter though. He wasn't going to keep quiet any longer. "I love you."

You scoffed at his response, the incredulous gesture sounding rather off putting coming from you. "No, you don't. You just feel bad for having been the one to unearth all this."

"You don't get to laugh at what I feel, much less tell me what it is." Hawks reached his hands up and held yours in his gently as his thumbs soothingly stroked the back of your hands. For once, those teary eyes gazed at your joined hands before lifting it up to meet amber eyes. "I love you, y/n. And I have ever since I met you." Finally, realization settled in your eyes. You shook your head over and over again despite the tint of red starting to color your cheeks. Hawks nodded his head trying to get it through yours. "But it doesn't matter who loves you and who doesn't. Not if you don't love yourself first."

"…w-what?"

"Don't ever think you don't deserve to be loved or to be happy. You do. Everybody does. Regardless of what shit life hits them with or what you think of yourself. Because none of it is true. You deserve more than that bastard or anybody can give you. Hell, I don't even know if I can give you what you deserve, but I'll be damned if I don't at least try." Hawks squeezed yours hands and you could feel just how true his words were from the intense yet adoring look he gave you. "But none of it will matter unless you care about yourself first, y/n. And you have to care enough to realize when something doesn't make you happy. Enough to kick that shit that doesn't make you happy out on the curb and care about yourself first. 'Cause I don't think anybody will love you as deeply or as sincerely as you will ever love yourself."

Your eyes wandered as his words sunk in. Hawks felt your fingers grip his hand tightly then. A smile came to your lips, a more sincere one than before as you broke his hold on your hands to wipe your face clean of dried tears.

"Thank you, Hawks. I…I think I get what you mean to say."

"That's great to hear." A small, cautious smile spread across his face at hearing that. "Are you going home?" You nodded while still wiping away. "Let me walk you then. It's kind of late."

Hawks didn't know what to expect when he walked you home. You thanked him when you got to the front gate, bouquet of roses in your arms, before telling him you'd see him tomorrow. Giving you a wry smile, he dismissed himself and took flight but stopped only feet above where you wouldn't see him. Hawks waited with bated breath as you walked the length to your front steps and stopped. It was obvious how petrified you were to walk through that door and meet the one who obviously parked his car on the curb. Hawks was too. But relief settled through him and he smiled at you when you walked to the trash can, lifted the lid, and dumped the roses inside before walking into the house.

Seeing you do that gave him hope. After that, he trusted that you would do what was right for yourself.

You called in sick the next day. Worried, Hawks called your home just in case but was relieved to here that you were fine, just taking the day off, and the weekend following that, to move out and get a small apartment. It gladdened him to hear that and joked around with you for a bit, saying that if you needed help to just give him a call and he'd go flying.

After that and as the days rolled by, Hawks could tell how you slowly returned to your former, cheery self. It was hard at first. No more flowers coming almost every other day got the receptionists at the front desk gossiping but it wasn't nothing he couldn't stop with a stern look and a mild offhand comment. You thanked him with a smile anytime that happened. As you took your time, Hawks did his best to simply go back to the way things used to be between you two. Just a simply employer-employee relationship. It was hard for him, to say the least. He'd confessed—poorly timed, yes, but did so all the same. And though he would've loved an answer, he knew that you came first. It didn't seem like that fact went over your head though. Hawks noticed from time to time just how flustered you would get around him, and that gave him a little bit of hope. Enough to wait around for as long as needed.

Days became weeks which became months. Soon the end of the year came and Hawks threw a little party for all the employs of the agency. It wasn't anything much, just a little potluck for everyone where all those who went could bring something. Though you weren't up to it at first, he and some others, those who eventually found out about your break up, convinced you to join and spend the night having a little fun.

It was barely ten when Hawks decided that it'd be a good time to go for the seventh beer. Though he wasn't much a drinker, he supposed that celebrating once a year like that wasn't too bad. You caught him mid-sip when you called out his name after having followed behind him. Choking a little from the startle, Hawks chuckled in an attempt to hide the clearing of his throat.

"Y/n? What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted a little fresh air," you said, cupping your hands and covering your mouth a little to blow warm air into them. Puffs of white floated away each time and Hawks grinned before going back to drinking his beer.

"Fresh is an understatement," he added. His wings unfurled behind him before one settle back and the other curled around you to keep the cold breeze from crashing too hard against your back. "Too much party for you?"

"Hardly." You chuckle taking a peek over your shoulder and through his feathers at the party still going on behind closed doors. "I'm having fun, actually. Just that they wanted to play some drinking game and I kind of have to drive home."

"Could always get a cab," he offered as he lowered the can from his lips and held it out before him for emphasis.

"Okay, maybe I don't want to drink that much."

Coyly, you reached out and took the can of beer before Hawks knew it. Bringing it to your lips, you took a gulp of the bitter beverage and your face scrunched up a little at the taste before you gave it back.

Hawks raised an eyebrow, sloshing the remaining beer around in the can. "What happened to 'I don't want to drink'?"

"I said 'much'. I don't want to drink much," you reiterated.

That brought a chuckle out of him and you returned to the blissful quiet that he enjoyed about being with you, even now after a year of what happened. The calming talks, the chill silence, and just your presence was enough to put him completely at ease. And though it still ached a little, Hawks never could forget about you nor about the way you made him feel.

"Um…Hawks-san?"

"Yeah?"

"I know it's been a long time and you probably don't remember but I want to thank you again. For what you did when I joined your agency."

Hawks knew perfectly well what you meant. Not a day went by that he didn't think of that and how strong you've been to let go and put yourself first.

He raised his can, toasting to that. "No need to thank me. You did all the work, after all. I was just the cute cheerleader on the sidelines."

"No, you were more than that." Heavy as you were breathing, bigger and bigger puffs of white, cool air escaped your mouth. The nip in the air got reddened your face too, nipping at your cheekbones, ears, and tip of your nose. "You're the reason my life's been so much better. And I've been wanting to thank you everyday for that."

"You're a great PR agent, y/n," he chuckled, his own face starting to go a little numb from the cold. "That you keep outta trouble is more than enough."

"I don't mean as your PR agent, Hawks-san. I mean—oh, boy, how do I put this? I…think that what I want to say is…I like you, Hawks-san."

Hawks almost dropped the can of beer but held it tightly to avoid that travesty, denting the aluminum a bit. Laughing a little and feeling the warmth crawling over his face, Hawks instantly crouched down and wrapped his wings around him like a safety cocoon. Worried out of your mind, you kneel closer, crying out that you were sorry about surprising him like that. That just made him laugh a little more but he refused to unravel himself yet.

It wasn't until your fingers poked deep enough through the feathery curtain and parted it that his amber eyes met yours.

"Are you okay?" you asked timidly.

"Yeah," he mumbled, running his hand over and over through his hair and messing it up worse each time. In the end, his wings unfurled to reveal him as he crouched down and looked at you with a simple turn of his head. "It's just that I've been waiting such a long time to hear that that it took me by surprise."

"Really?" you perked up, curious. "Since when?"

"Since the day I confessed to you."

Your face turned bright red, this time it surely wasn't from the cold. Scooting to be as close as you could be to him, you waited as he sat back on the cold concrete before speaking.

"I'm sorry for making you wait so long for an answer."

"Don't be." Hawks chuckled before reaching his hand to cup your cheek. You didn't pull away as the warmth of it pooled against your cheek. Instead you savored it with a smile. "Not unless you intend to say that and leave it me hanging."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is if that confession means anything else. Like you wanting me to be your boyfriend, for example."

"I-I—yes," you replied, after a momentary stumble, your eyes glinting briefly. "I-I'd love to be your girlfriend…Hawks. If you'd be okay with me."

Hawks chuckled before leaning in and bringing you closer by his hold on your cheek. Before you knew it, his lips brushed against yours. Barely even a whisper. But as he began to pull away you jumped forward again, stumbling into him and deepening the kiss at the same time. He laughed into your kiss but followed suit with your approach until you pulled back. Snorting a little, he kissed the tip of your cold nose before brushing his thumb over your cheek.

"Believe me, there's no one I'd rather be with than you."