Everything was dead silent. The way the first snow of Winter could cease all noise would never fail to amaze me.
I spent that night fishing. Sam had already come by, said hello, complained about JojaMart, gossiped about Sebastian and Abigail, and went home to have dinner, so I fished alone among the delicate snowfall.
I thought that was what the rest of the night was going to be like, and I was content. More than content, actually; the lights on the bridge, and one lamp from within Elliott's cabin, were the only man-made lights illuminating the world around me, making the light of the moon the only light reflecting on the lake. That and the silence... It was all out of a dream.
Though, trust me, I wasn't upset... just shocked... to hear footsteps. Then a different familiar voice saying "Hey" from beside me.
I turned around to see Sebastian standing there, looking down at me.
"Hey," I replied, not bothering to hide my surprise. "How's it going?"
"...Heh..." he said. "I'm good. I can finally say I'm good and not be lying."
"Really?" I asked in amazement. "I'm so happy to hear that. That sort of thing can be hard for just about anyone to come by."
"Yeah," he smiled. "And... I... I should have thanked you sooner."
"Me?" I asked, feeling a bite on my line and starting to reel it in.
"Yeah, you," he said as if it was obvious. "Who else told me to get my ass in gear and confess my feelings to Abigail?"
"I-I didn't quite word it like that," I laughed sheepishly, reeling in an anchovy.
"You might as well have," he said.
"You think?" I asked, casting my line pretty far out. "I may have encouraged you, but you're ultimately the one who found the courage and made the decision to lay it all out on the table. You should be thanking yourself."
"I mean, I'm doing that, too," said Sebastian, sounding more insistent. "But I'm telling you, if it wasn't for what you'd said, if you hadn't given me a plan, I wouldn't even have thought about it. I would have kept it bottled up like I always did."
"Well, if you insist," I smiled. "I'm glad I could help."
I looked back out at the water, thinking this was when Sebastian would turn around and leave.
Instead, after a few seconds' silence, he asked "How's, uh... I know it's your personal business, but considering you were crying your eyes out about it outside a bar in the city, I can't help but ask."
"I haven't gotten anywhere," I sighed before he could continue. "It's just as hopeless as it was last year."
He then snickered and said "So... does that make you the ultimate hypocrite?"
"Huh?" I asked.
"You know damn well what I'm talking about," he said. "Well... I mean, I guess I don't know your exact situation, but... it's just funny you went on about me going ahead and confessing my feelings when you can't seem to do it yourself. And you went and kept it bottled up until you broke... just like I did."
"...Holy shit, you're right," I realized aloud. I looked back up at him; he had the most knowing "gotcha" smirk I'd ever seen from him. Had he gotten it from Abigail?
"Maybe..." he said. "Just maybe... it's about time you told him how you feel."
My heart skipped two beats.
"Wait, how did you know it's a guy?" I asked.
He fumbled, quickly looking from me to the water, and saying "Gah... lucky guess."
Fuck. Well... maybe Abigail had just said I liked a guy... not that I liked Sam. Though that was just as possible.
"...Okay, I'm sorry," he said. "Abigail told me you like Sam. It slipped. It's just us two that know, though."
Shit.
"It's... It's okay," I said, starting to melt from embarassment. "Just... don't let him know, for fuck's sake. I want to do that myself."
"Understood," said Sebastian, as if he himself was also mortified.
A few more seconds of silence. I had to admit, amidst the embarassment and fear that the news had progressed that far... there was a new feeling of comfort. Even though he and Abigail knew, they were on my side. I knew they had my back on the issue.
Sebastian then said "Though... I'm sorry, but it's hilarious to me that that idiot's the one that reduced you to a puddle outside a bar."
"How long are you going to rub that in?" I laughed.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he laughed back. "I guess... I was expecting it to be someone way more handsome and intelligent, but it's Sam's dumb ass. You're way out of his league."
"Isn't that 'dumb ass' your best friend?" I asked.
"...Yes," he replied.
"Way to trash-talk your best friend like that," I laughed, feeling another bite and reeling it in.
"Isn't shit-talking part of best friendship, though?" Sebastian asked sincerely.
"...Touche," I nodded, bringing another anchovy to the surface.
Another few seconds of silence. Every time this happened, I fully expected Sebastian to turn around and walk back to town, and was floored whenever he spoke again.
"Sincerely, though..." he said. "I joke you're out of his league, but... he's a really good guy, and I think you two would be good together. Abby does, too."
"Yeah?" I asked, getting all warm and giddy inside just like when Abigail had said something similar.
"Yeah," Sebastian nodded. "Remember we got your back, okay?"
"Alright," I smiled up at him. "Thank you. Thank you guys so much."
"Yeah," he nodded.
After a few moments, I asked "How are you and Abby doing, by the way?"
"Pretty good," he said. The tone of his voice changed, as if he was happy I asked. "I... I'm not sure if I've ever been this happy. Thank you."
"Oh goodness, really?" I asked, mirroring the joy in his voice. "That's awesome to hear."
I wished all that hadn't just happened, even though I wasn't sure I really had anything to fear. I couldn't just remove the knowledge from his and Abigail's heads. I couldn't change that part of the past for at least three different reasons.
There were really only two different courses of action I could take at this point: place complete trust in those two that they wouldn't let it slip into Sam's ears... or tell Sam myself purely for the purpose of, well, being the one to tell him myself.
Thinking about that second course of action... I didn't want that to be the reason I told him. I wanted to tell him because, even if nothing came of it, he deserved to know the truth of what I saw in him, and how he made me feel. There was no point in making him believe forever that a friend was all he was to me.
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. Hadn't taken ten minutes at a time to try to convince myself to put together a plan to confess. Every time, though, I would conclude that I was fighting with myself too much for me to be ready.
As Sebastian continued to stand there and I continued to fish, though... I gave it one more thought.
It produced a different result: instead of running into any sort of roadblock... the thought of confessing continued on a straight road. Instead of any fears that I wasn't ready... there was only the inspiration of figuring out a way to do it.
I think it all came down to realizing Sebastian was absolutely right. He'd taken charge of his happiness; it was high time I took my own advice and did the same.