This is kind of slightly inspired by a scene in Celeste and Jesse Forever (even though I'm not sure you'll be able to tell which one it is if you've seen the movie since both contexts are very different haha), with Jake and Amy having broken up a while ago, and seeing each other again at one of their colleague's funeral. Based some time in the future.

Yep, I know, that's not funny at all for a funny show, but it's not my fault, I just love drama too much xD There's a bit of fluff ahead in this, though.

(The title is some lyrics from the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet.)

It's the first time she's coming back to their (his own, now, she reprimands herself) apartment since the day they decided to break everything up a few months ago, when she truly thought she never would have to live through that painful experience again now that she had found him.

She really saw herself actually grow old with him, with marriage and children at some point, but it seems that everything couldn't always go as she planned. As they both planned them.

Because it appears Jake was wrong, when he told her, just before she took her test, that it would only change their lives for the better. That they would be alright.

They believed it, though, at the beginning, when she got transferred to the other side of the state to start her career as a newly-graded sergeant. They truly believed they would manage to keep their relationship working, even when long-distance.

It wasn't as if it would be the first time they were separated.

Anyway they soon had to come to the conclusion that they just couldn't go on like this, finally – no matter how hurtful this realisation was for them. They decided then, on mutual agreement and with a lot of non-hidden sadness on both parts, to simply call their romance off.

And now here she is, on this even sadder day (that has now turned into the night, to be completely correct), waiting to find the guts she needs to knock on her ex's door.

It won't be the first time since their breakup she sees him again, though. In fact she already has, a few hours ago, and some other times before that as well, when she was back at the precinct to see her friends and colleagues. But it was never for too long – and surely never just the two of them.

Rosa told her once that despite what he would tell the others, and his seemingly very "cool" and detached way of reacting to the events from the outside, deep down he was having a super-hard time dealing with it all – her being away in some other part of the country, and them not being together anymore. Amy wasn't really surprised, when she first heard it.

After all, she was feeling the exact same way than he was…

(She still is, to be honest.)

So she chose not to bother him too much with her presence when she came back in New-York City the previous times, so that he wouldn't be reminded of what they were, but aren't anymore. So that she wouldn't be reminded of it all, either.

Tonight is different, though. The reason for her being here is different. And she needs him by her side, right now.

He needs her too, she knows, more than anyone else.

Well, surely he would need him most, but unfortunately, he isn't there anymore.

That's why she's currently standing in her old building, just as she's been for the past fifteen minutes at least, in the middle of the dark and silent corridor. She couldn't manage to find some sleep, all alone in her hotel room she rented for the weekend she's spending in town, only two blocks away from Jake's place.

Did she chose it to be that close to him on purpose?

Maybe.

Yes.

Anyway, she can tell he's awake too, because of the light she can make out from behind the closed door, and what she guesses is some noise coming from the television.

Simply because she knows him that well, also.

She finally pushes herself into knocking, then – she can't stay like this all night long. She doesn't have to wait long before we came to open to her, and after hearing something fall and then someone curse under their breath, Jake appears right in front of her, eyes red of having cried too much, and a glass in one of his hands. For a second only he seems startled to see her there, at his door in the middle of the night and in what she believes is a state as pitiful as his own, before all she can read on his face again is pure seriousness.

"Santiago," he greets her with nothing more than just a nod – not even using her first name.

His voice is so neutral, so void of any emotion, so… professional, she can only assume he's doing so to put as much distance with her as possible. And though it hurts, she understands.

It's something they did several times in the past already, when they tried to play-pretend while not being together yet; when they tried to persuade themselves into thinking they didn't feel anything for the other while it was actually the case – and it had been for some time.

But she doesn't want to play-pretend, this time. Doesn't have the strength to stay away from him.

Not tonight. Not after what happened and what could have happened.

Not when they're as broken as they are, and in need of each other.

So she just gives in, and without any word or any kind of warning takes a step forward, emptying the small space between their two bodies… and ends up straight into his arms.

Soon she finds herself burying her face into his neck, breathing in his scent, and finally allows herself to let her tears fall down her cheeks, and on his chest, letting go of all she kept inside until now. It's all that it takes for what was at first a timid hug to which Jake barely answered (mostly because he had been taken aback by the unpredictable gesture) to turn into a tight embrace, pulling her further against his chest and wordlessly caressing her back with his free hand to try and calm her as much as he can do so.

He's relieved when he notices it's working, from the way she ultimately relaxes.

They've never hugged like this a lot before, even when still in a relationship, but Amy felt the urge to do so the moment she saw him for the first time that day, so lost and so lonely between all his coworkers (minus one) and these people coming to give them their condolences.

She needed to feel him close to her, feel his heart beat with hers.

Feel him well. Feel him alive.

Because Terry had told her, when he called her a few days back to inform her of the sad news that had fallen upon the Nine-Nine, that he could have been the one they buried this afternoon.

He should have been the one they buried this afternoon, even.

But, as the best friend-slash-partner he's always been, the one and only Charles Boyle took the bullet for him in a complete act of bravery and selflessness, proving one more time (one last time) he was ready to give literally everything he had – even his own life – for the younger detective, leaving a mourning child and girlfriend behind.

(Leaving a whole mourning squad-become-family behind.)

A moment of silence passes between the pair of former lovers when they finally part. They stare awkwardly at each other, not knowing what to say, standing still, until Amy takes the floor.

She is the one who came to her ex-boyfriend's apartment in the middle of the night, after all, because she needs someone to talk to. Because she needs to talk to him.

He's always been the only one with whom she's been willing to speak about her problems, and who understands her better than anyone else in the world – distance or no distance.

It can't take that away from her – from them.

So she asks, "may I… come in?". Her voice falters a little when she realises for the first time since she arrived that maybe, since he didn't offer it himself in the first place, he doesn't want her here.

That he may want to be alone, and grieve in peace.

(Well, in his alcohol, mostly, hence the liquid contained in his glass right now.)

"Sure," he quickly answers though, and this simple word out of Jake's mouth is exactly what she needs to let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding until now.

He lets her in then, pushing himself a little bit to the side of the doorway so that she can make her way through his home, and she doesn't wait for him to tell her twice – she simply rushes inside the room. She doesn't know what she was expecting before entering but she's genuinely surprised to see nothing has changed since her last visit there, so many months ago.

Everything is just the same as it were before she left.

Or at least, almost everything.

There's this one picture of the both of them, the one he got framed after one of their significant victories over the Vulture back when they weren't even dating yet and that he took back from the precinct when they decided to move in together, that had been in their bedroom before, and is now lying in the living-room. Surely is it because it was too hard for him to handle having to see her face every morning after waking up and every night before going to bed, but he also was too attached to it to consider simply getting rid of it.

Amy would know that – she's done the same with the photography that was taken of them during their cruise and that she took with her to her new apartment, never ever letting go of it.

After this little inspection of hers, she does as if she's at home (she has been at home there at some point after all, even before it became their home, and then only his when she had to go away) and sits on the couch without waiting for him to invite her to do so. He doesn't seem to complain about it and just leaves a few seconds before coming back with a second glass in his hand, and joins her on the sofa. He makes sure to keep a sensible distance between their bodies though, a few inches away from one another.

He remains quiet when he fills the new glass with whatever he's drinking himself, not bothering asking her if she even wants one. They still haven't exchanged much words since the beginning, and maybe this will help the atmosphere relax, she hopes. Only when he passes her the now full-of-tequila (she read it on the half-empty bottle that lays on the table) container and their fingers brush does he look up at her, and attempts at a smile. He raises his glass, and finally takes the floor.

"To Charles," he cheers. "The best friend and partner I'll ever have…"

She can see the tears prickle in his eyes, and her heart aches at the sight. She wants to help him, she truly does, but she just cannot figure out how right now. So, instead of letting him drink his pain away alone as he was doing before she arrived, she chooses to accompany him.

"To Charles," she repeats in a whisper, afraid she will crack up if she says it out loud, and after clicking their glasses together, they take them down in one, then repeat the process.

Several times.

No need to say that soon enough they both ended up completely drunk. But it really did help them get through the awkwardness of their reunion, and now they're weirdly laughing together while telling each other stories about their new lives, getting closer and closer each new passing minute.

(Put that on alcohol for making them, if only for one moment, forget how desperate they are on the inside, eaten up by the loss of their dear colleague.)

Jake is in the middle of relating everything that happened at the Nine-Nine that Amy missed – which is, in fact, a lot, knowing the group of detectives that is under Captain Holt's command –, their heads only laying an inch from each other now, all safety-distance forgotten for awhile, when she stops him in his ramblings.

"Wait," she gently taps his cheek with her finger, making them both giggle a little bit more. "That can't be true," she denies his words. "You're making all that up, aren't you?"

He doesn't answer anything, simply stares at her while she's herself looking at him with an amused and oh so adorable smile upon her face. The kind of smiles she only gives him.

Now more than ever he realises how much he's missed it. Not only this – her smiling at him like that – but also this – being just the two of them again. Having fun.

Something he would never have thought of having, especially not tonight, after the events of the day. They are anyway. She's doing the impossible; manages to calm him and his pain down a little.

He would be so lost without her, right now. Probably still drunk, but in the sad way of being drunk.

Actually, he's already so lost without her – has been since the day she left town… and him.

"Hey, Jake!" he's taken back to reality by the one he was just thinking about. "What is it?"

There's concern in her eyes, and her hand resting on his face isn't playful anymore. She's no longer smiling either. And he hates it, to be the one to make her feel that way, because of the depressing thoughts that suddenly came to his mind, and the sorrow she must have read into his own orbs.

So he chooses to put everything away, trying to relax in her touch while offering her a shy rictus.

"It's just," he starts his confession, amusement back in his voice at the image of it, "you, me, both sitting on this couch completely drunk and telling each other funny stories… It reminds me of our first real date and how we ended up in here after having too many shots of tequila."

Definitely not the answer the young woman had seen coming. Even though of course she thought of it as well – they really are in the same position as they were when they went out for the first time. Only the circumstances are completely different. They came from a funeral, for one.

And they're not dating anymore either.

That's how she notices how close they got during the past hour, and that their foreheads actually almost touch now. And their lips… well, it's simple; they're that close to kiss if only one of them makes the first step towards the other and go to reach them.

A thought Jake seems to also share, given how often his eyes go back and forth from her own to her slightly-open mouth with a small smile lighting his features.

She doesn't reply with anything; only smiles back as an answer to his words. What can she say anyway?

She can't think properly anymore, not after having drunk that much throughout the night (she's way beyond the stage of X-drink-Amy people already know), not when her ex-lover looks at her like that, and sighs in defeat at her stubborn silence, adding to his previous words, "I miss you…".

And just with that, he closes his eyes, and leans in, doing what he's been desperate to do (what they've both been desperate to do) from the moment he realised how close they were – from the moment he saw her at his door – from even earlier than that…

He brushes her lips with his. He doesn't kiss her right away though, let her some time to back off if she wants to, if she thinks he's going too far. The way she kisses him back tells him everything he has to know to not pull away from her, and soon his hand is at her waist to keep her close, and when it's free of his glass he hasn't left since he sat on the couch, his other one goes straight to her hair that he tenderly and eagerly caresses. Her own hands also are on his body – rediscovering it after all these months.

She's so into the thing, putting into this kiss and shared embrace all the emotions she felt during the past few days – how much she's missed him, how scared she's been for him, for his life, how sad she is for having lost their common friend… And he, for the first time since his best friend died in front of him (for him), feels like living again.

Breathing again.

They're grinning at each other when they finally part, their heads and hands still touching though, and Amy has to take some time for herself so that the beating of her heart can slow down.

"I miss you too," she whispers eventually, then puts her lips on his again.

And again.

And again.

They can't seem to stop, now that they've found each other again. Don't want to stop. They just want to catch up on the time they've lost and won't have back. And thus more than ever now that they've both been reminded of how short life can actually be – even more so for people like them, with their risky jobs.

"Charles would be so happy right now," Jake breaks the quietness of their moment after some time with a laugh that sounds half-amused, half-nervous, the image of his colleague suddenly coming back to his mind while they're still kissing and the effects of alcohol starts leaving his body. "If he could see us now," he adds when he sees the question in the young woman's frowned eyes.

She laughs too, because he's right. Charles had always been the #1 fan of their love story. And, from what her ex-boyfriend told her earlier, it also appears he'd been the one who felt the saddest when he learnt about their breakup. He couldn't just believe it. They were meant for each other, according to him. Meant to die together at an old, old age.

Not to call of things as they did.

Oh, how much they're going to miss him…

"Even his last words were about you, you know," he goes on confessing, taking Amy back to reality with his words. He's suddenly really serious, and straightens up in the couch, putting himself a little bit away from her. "That I should take his death for me as a second chance to go after you and not letting you go ever again."

She doesn't know what to tell him, so she simply remains silent. She's hurt in her heart though, from not feeling him close anymore and to see the desperate look back on his face.

"It should have been me," he can't stop talking now, and share all he feels about Charles's death that he repressed until now, his voice breaking more and more with each new sentence.

She hurts more and more too as he goes on, even if she always knew that moment would come at some point. That he would think that. And what would she give to be able to help him right now…

To take his pain away, even just a tiny bit of it.

"It should have been me," she lets him spill it out, then, knowing that's what he needs to do. "He should have never taken this bullet for me, I should have prevented it. Why would he do that?! I know I'm… I was," he quickly corrects himself, his eyes looking at the floor, "his best friend, but he had so much more to live for than me. People way more important than me to be there for! Nikolaj, and a woman who loves him… I don't have any of it anymore. I should have died, not him. It wouldn't have mattered as much as his death does, for anyone."

If Amy wasn't already crying, his very last words, that he told with so much defeat in his voice, so angry and disgusted at himself, so persuaded of the fact he had no-one who loved him that much also, she would have burst into tears hearing them. But she's already crying, so she simply invites him – prays him – to lie down on the couch, making him rest his head on her lap.

He's at the verge of breaking down (and, to be honest, she kind of is too), she can sense it. As an attempt to calm him down (to calm herself down? she doesn't really know anymore, at that point), she starts gently stroking his hair, salty pearls falling down both their cheeks.

Only then she confesses. "It would have for me," she says in a quiet murmur between two sobs.

He stares at her in silence for some time, his brown eyes piercing her from inside, and she holds his gaze throughout the whole time he tries to figure out if she's telling this just to make him feel better, or if she truly thinks so. He seems contempt with what he sees in her own orbs, because he offers her what is supposed to be a smile but doesn't really look like it, and takes her hand in his, kindly squeezing it between his fingers.

"Don't leave, please," he begs, and she knows he's not only talking about tonight, but forever. He wouldn't be able to go through another separation. Not after all that happened.

(She's not sure she would be able of that as well.

No, in fact she knows she wouldn't.)

She lays behind him on the couch then, encircling him with her arms around his waist, and lets her head rest on his shoulder. She's looking up at him when she promises, "I'm not going anywhere."

She means it, with her whole heart. She won't tell him yet, because it's not official (soon will be, though), but she's got a promotion and can go back to working in New-York City if she wants to.

And of course she wants to.

He softens a bit into her embrace at that, knowing he can believe her, even though he doesn't know how she'll manage to stay. He trusts her, more than he'll ever trust anyone. She'll find a way.

And he loves her. So, so much. He never stopped doing so, even when away from one another. And that's something he doesn't wait to remind her of, while closing his eyes, tiredness starting to take over his whole body, exhausted from all the emotions of the day – and night.

"I love you too," are the last words he hears before blacking out, really feeling at home in this apartment of his for the first time in months – for the first time since she left it.

Everything's going to be alright in the end, they both know that now, no matter how long it'll take them to go through their grief and be completely happy again. As long as they're together…

I really love Charles and so I was truly sad to have to kill him but well… I figured he was the best one for this role, given his relationship with Jake and how much he ships him and Amy together haha! Plus I would have felt sad killing anybody anyway to be honest, so I had to pick one.

(Also I just hope the reason behind Jake and Amy's breakup in the first place makes some kind of sense – even though we all know there's no reason they would break up. But I hope it's something that could happen IRL, her being transferred that far away from where she was in the first place haha.)