an: *waves sheepishly from behind my own shame at how long it took me to write this* Hiii. I hope you're still with me. I know it's been a hell of a wait for pretty much every chapter of this, BUT I have a goal to finish it by mid-March when I head to Japan for a couple of weeks, so hopefully the ball will keep rolling.

My forever thanks to my beta, FloraOne for her unwavering support and enthusiasm even when I am the worst at getting anything done. You are absolutely the reason I manage to keep going with this at all, and I love you. Thank you for everything.

Please let me know what you thought! I've really come to love this story, and I hope you enjoy it too!

oOo

It was amazing how time seemed to slip away from Usagi when her measure of time changed to revolve around visits with Mamoru.

Before she knew it, October had become Christmas, and the New Year had passed just a few weeks before.

They had consistently seen each other at least every other weekend, sometimes more if Usagi could manage to escape to Osaka for a week that spanned two weekends.

She had loved every minute of it, too.

Nighttime visits to Dotonbori where Mamoru treated her to every single food that made her eyes light up. Ferris wheel rides and takoyaki at Odaiba. A double date with Motoki and Reika where they were mercilessly teased about the lengths they had gone to to meet each other, when all they'd really had to do was ask Motoki (Usagi had blushed profusely at this, and Mamoru rolled his eyes behind his coffee cup).

She'd even been invited to his apartment, where she'd spent several nights enjoying his giant, fluffy bed and rock hard chest and abs, as well as getting to finally meet his adorable cat Luna, who had taken an almost spooky liking to Usagi, following her around constantly and generally refusing to leave her alone unless Mamoru locked her out of the bedroom.

He'd been to Tokyo a number of times as well for a few more conferences and helping with Motoki and Reika's wedding planning, squeezing in time to see her between meetings, and always managing to end up at her apartment at night, or she at his hotel.

And as blissful as it was, there was always a nagging voice in the back of her mind that insisted on reminding her that while she purposefully made time to go see him, he only ever made the time when there was something else going on.

Not once had he decided on his own to make his way to Tokyo, and it stung if she stopped to think about it.

Mamoru was wonderful in every possible way. He was attentive and tender and kind and sweet and unendingly patient, but he'd never once even attempted to broach the subject of what exactly they were.

He'd never asked her to be his girlfriend. Never once referred to her as such when they occasionally ran into his colleagues while they were out in Osaka, and as self-assured as Usagi was, his seeming lack of commitment ate at her.

And as she stared out the window of the shinkansen, once again on her way to Osaka, this time to go with him to a fancy evening at the symphony with his boss and her husband, the unbalanced nature of their 'relationship' had never been more clear.

She sighed deeply, tried her best to focus on the adorable child in the seat in front of her that kept peeking back at her, while the countryside zoomed by.

oOo

She did her best to muster a bright smile when Mamoru answered the door to his apartment.

He looked good enough to eat standing there in his black tux, bowtie hanging around his neck yet to be tied, his hair slicked back in the most enticing way.

If only the thought of food didn't make her stomach churn violently.

The smile he gave her put a momentary stop to the spinning of her vision.

"Usako," he said breathily, immediately reaching out to pull her to him, and Usagi weakly wrapped her arms around him, grateful for the chance to close her eyes against his chest for a moment.

"Hi, Mamo-chan," she whispered, trying her best to sound normal. She couldn't ruin this date. Not when he'd been so looking forward to it. No matter how high her fever or how the world seemed to currently reside on the ceiling.

He rested his chin on the top of her head, pulling her inside without loosening his grip, and closing the door with a check of his hip. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Usagi felt her already flushed cheeks grow even more pink, and she managed a small, "Thank you," in response.

She supposed she did look pretty good, all things considered. She matched him perfectly in an all black, knee length dress with a velvet boat neck bodice that flared into a full satin skirt at her waist. It was the cutest thing she could come up with after several unsuccessful Google searches for 'what to wear to the symphony.'

Mamoru pulled back from her gently, and held her at arm's length, his giant hands cupping her shoulders. There was a cheeky grin on his face, when he spoke. "Did you miss me?"

Usagi shrugged her shoulders, thankful her lips managed to mirror his. "Not in the slightest."

His answering laugh was deep and warm. "I figured as much," he said, letting go of her and taking her coat from her shoulders.

The sudden loss of stability caused her to stumble into the nearby couch with an unceremonious 'ooof!' She tried her best to cover by plopping down on the arm of the sofa and smiling sheepishly at him.

"Are you ok?" he asked, eyebrows raised as he stepped closer to her again. He looked down to her feet and noticed the two inch heels she had on for the first time. "Those things are not good for your feet, you know."

She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue, bending down to remove her shoes now that she was stable. "Whatever, Dr. Chiba," she said with as much disdain as she could manage. It was one of her most favorite things to say these days. "They're cute, I like them, the end."

Mamoru chuckled at her, taking her shoes from her and placing them in the genkan, before stepping closer to tuck a wayward curl behind her ear.

His face grew concerned the second his skin touched hers, and Usagi winced, immediately realizing her mistake.

They spoke at the same time.

"Usa, you're burning up!"

"I'm not sick!"

He shot her a look, and she had the decency to look guilty. "Seriously, Mamo-chan, I'm fine!"

"I'm calling Dr. Ito and canceling," he said dropping his hands from her face, and reaching them into his pocket to hunt for his phone.

"No!" she protested so loudly it caused her head to spin, and she had to reach out and grab Mamoru's arm to steady herself. "Don't you dare do that."

"Usako, you can't even stand without falling over," he said. "Though that's not much different from normal now that I think about it."

She couldn't even come up with the energy to glare at him, and instead let her head fall, her long streamers of hair almost reaching the floor, and she jumped a bit when a long, strong arm snaked back around her waist.

"No comeback?" she heard him say, as one finger lifted her chin. "Usako, honestly how bad do you feel?"

Usagi bit her lip, as tears started to pool in her eyes. She tried to look away, but his face was so close it filled the entirety of her vision.

She took in a deep breath and met his eyes. "I don't want to ruin this for you. I'm fine, I promise."

Mamoru sighed. "I'll tell you what, let me take your temperature. If you don't have more than a degree of fever, we can still go." Her whole demeanor perked up at this, and she could see the almost chastising look he gave her in response. "But if you do, we're not going anywhere, and you're going straight to bed."

She nodded her head vigorously, and bit back a smile when Mamoru steered her into a sitting position on the arm of the couch.

"I'll be right back," he said, leaning down to place a kiss to her forehead, before his long and graceful legs carried him down the hallway.

Her mind raced as she watched him go, knowing full well her fever was very much present and probably more than a degree. She spotted the fridge out of the corner of her eye, and rushed to it on shaky legs.

Cold, she needed something cold that would trick the thermometer into thinking she was completely well. She opened the freezer when it hit her.

Ice! Ice was cold. Freezing even. Hence its place in the freezer. God bless ice.

Usagi reached in, plucked out a small cube and place it in her mouth, vigorously sucking and fighting back the urge to spit out the ridiculously cold thing while her mouth burned in protest.

She heard Mamoru's footsteps approaching, and she stumbled back to the couch managing to sit down right as he looked up from the contents of his hands.

Usagi smiled at him brightly, putting on her best 'I'm totally innocent of all things' eyes, ice still laying under her tongue behind her front teeth growing smaller thankfully from the heat of her mouth.

He quirked an eyebrow and stopped dead in his tracks, eyeing her suspiciously. "What are you doing?"

"Nuhink."

He walked closer, a look of amusement in his eyes. "Did you just run to the kitchen and put a piece of ice in your mouth?"

She tried to swallow as discreetly as possible, but the size of the ice cube caused her to gulp as it went down.

"No," she squeaked out, smiling again, hoping he wouldn't be too angry with her. This was all for him after all.

Mamoru rolled his eyes. "You're completely ridiculous, do you know that?"

She blushed and shrugged, unable to meet his eyes because he was absolutely right. She was completely ridiculous. Crazy, disaster, sick monster that she was. There was no reason for him to be with her.

And she was just waiting for him to kick her out. To finally realize what she'd known all along, when she felt his palm lift up her chin.

He was smiling and his eyes were kind as he lifted a contraption to her forehead. She flinched, and he held it back for her to see.

"It's a thermometer, Odango Atama. Nothing to be afraid of," he said, and when the concern didn't leave her face, he explained further. "It takes your temperature from your forehead."

Shit. Why couldn't he have been a normal person with normal drugstore things?! There was no ice on her forehead!

She sucked in a breath as she felt the tiny ball roll from temple to temple, and held it as he drew back to look at the numbers flashing on the tiny screen.

Another roll of his eyes told her she had lost this fight. "Really? 39? Usako, you shouldn't even be out of bed with that! What were you thinking?!"

Usagi couldn't recall a time she'd ever felt so small. "Mamo-chan, I just didn't want to ruin this night for you," she told him again, and his face softened.

She kept talking, hoping against all hope she could still weasel her way out of him being upset with her. "You've been talking about it for weeks, and your boss invited you, and I got this dress, and it looks really good, and-"

Mamoru's hands came up to cup her face, cutting her off. "Usako, we made a deal. You're going to bed."

She let out a sigh of defeat, her shoulders slumping as she rose from the couch, shaking off his hands and making her way back towards the genkan, not even bothering to look at him.

He was right after all. She needed to get back to Makotos, fall into bed and die for the next few days. No use in dragging it out.

"What are you doing?" she heard from behind her as she fumbled around to put her right heel on, while shrugging her jacket further up her shoulders.

Usagi looked at him in confusion. "You said I had to go straight to bed, so I was, going back to Mako's place…" she trailed off as he came closer, a mixture of amusement and exasperation on his face, and something akin to...hurt? But she couldn't possibly fathom why that would be.

He cupped her cheek, and shook his head. "You honestly think I'm going to send you out there to become the next Typhoid Mary? What kind of doctor do you think I am?"

Her brain was much too frazzled to process his words. "Ty who?"

"I meant go to bed...here. Where there's someone who can take care of you," he said, his face seemed impossibly soft but unsure, as he gently peeled back her coat, his fingers brushing the exposed skin of her upper arms.

"Oh," was all she could manage to say, and he laughed at her softly.

She wondered if he could tell how impossibly weary she was, when she couldn't even manage a protest when he picked her up, his giant hands holding her under her knees and back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and laid her head on his shoulder, eyes closing against the spinning of the world for the short walk to his bedroom.

Mamoru deposited her on the bed, and she kept her eyes closed until she felt his forehead touch hers.

"Can I help you take your dress off?" he asked quietly, and her insides melted at his sweetness. She nodded mutely, and felt his hands grip her arms to help her stand.

She leaned against him fully when she felt his hands reach behind her and the zipper gingerly start to go down. He then moved her back from his chest, while he slipped the dress off her shoulders and down her front until it pooled in a heap at her feet.

It wasn't lost on her, even in her fevered state, that she was completely vulnerable in that moment. Sick and exhausted to the point where she couldn't even find the strength to undress herself without help.

But this man she trusted beyond anyone else. And the thought made her smile in spite of everything.

"What are you smiling about, Usa?" he asked softly, once he'd finished pulling a giant, soft t-shirt over her head.

"You," she answered, when he guided her back against the softest pillows she'd ever felt.

She heard a chuckle from deep in his chest. "Now, I'm sure your delusional," he said, bending down to kiss her forehead, as he maneuvered her to sit on his giant, comfy bed. "I'll be right back."

Settling back against the pillows, Usagi let her eyes droop closed, exhaustion finally catching up to her. She could hear the muffled sounds of Mamoru's voice out in the hallway, and didn't even flinch when Luna hopped onto the bed next to her, nudging Usagi with her head for attention.

She reached out, and let her fingers run through the soft fur of Mamoru's cat. It was nice to have someone there, even if it was just a cat. And while she'd never admit it out loud, Usagi was beyond thrilled and relieved that their respective cats had taken to the other person so quickly, especially considering Minako's long standing rule of, 'if Artemis thinks he's shit, he's obviously shit.'

Her eyes popped back open when she heard Mamoru's soft footfall enter the room.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, causing Luna to scurry away, and smiled at her softly. With one hand, he held what appeared to be a damp cloth, and in the other he balanced a glass of water and some medicine.

Usagi's eyes followed his hand as he placed the glass and pills down on the nightstand, and she was surprised when his large hand reached out and threaded through her bangs.

"Are you doing ok?" he asked quietly, sweetly, while placing the cold compress to her forehead, and handing her water and pills.

Unbidden tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she bit her lip to try to keep them away. She failed, naturally, as she always did to keep the wetness from streaking down her cheeks, but she felt terrible and he was being so kind and loving, she could almost pretend they were a real couple.

She managed to swallow the pills he'd brought before her weakened state didn't allow for her to hold it in any longer.

"Oh, Usako," he said, his voice and face full of concern. He moved closer to her, scooting her over so he could stretch out beside her and pull her to his chest.

She curled into him, tears now paving numerous tracks down her cheeks and onto his pristine, white dress shirt. It was just too much, with the fever and nausea and being so far away from home and him taking care of her like she belonged there...it was enough to make her cry even under the best of circumstances.

And if it bothered him that she was a blubbering mess, he didn't show it. Just stroked her back, and kissed the crown of her head, and held her while she cried.

And after awhile, her cries did fade into only the occasional rogue tear slipping down, and she reached out to catch them with her tongue.

She could feel him holding back a laugh at her antics, and it made her smile though her head was still pounding. Looking up at him, and taking note of his makeup stained shirt, untied bow tie still around his neck and stunning slicked back hair, she suddenly remembered she'd ruined his night in more ways than one.

He must have noticed her face falling because he pulled back from her in order to see her fully. "What's wrong? Do you feel like you need to throw up?"

Usagi shook her head. "Was your boss terribly upset with you?"

The right side of his mouth lifted a bit. "Not at all. She said she completely understood and hoped you felt better, and she offered for us all to go next month instead."

A frown was still firmly planted on her face. "But they won't be playing your favorite piece then."

She was greeted with a real smile this time. "It'll come around again, eventually. Symphonies recycle programs all the time. And besides, there's this amazing invention called the Internet, where I can listen to pretty much anything, any time I want."

Usagi glared at him for a moment before the pinching in her forehead became too much. She collapsed back onto his chest with a half-hearted, "You're such an ass, Mamo-chan."

Mamoru laughed outright, as he usually did when she called him names. "And yet, despite that, you keep coming back."

She managed enough strength to swat his chest.

They sat in silence for a few long moments, Usagi's eyelids starting to grow heavy again, when a question she'd tried to ask him many times came into her mind once again.

"Mamo-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you become a doctor?" she asked, and she felt him sigh deeply against her.

"You're not going to let that drop are you?" he said, his voice not sounding the least bit annoyed, just...sad.

She shook her head. "You're so good at taking care of people."

"Well, there you go. That's the reason."

"It is not, and you know it," she quipped back, closing her eyes as the room started to spin again.

She knew she needed to sleep, but this was important, and she was nosy, and if he would just let her in, maybe, maybe it might mean something…

"Usako, I-"

Sensing he was trying to get out of the situation, she cut him off. "Mamo-chan, you've been avoiding this for forever. I'm here now, I'm practically dying in your bed," he scoffed at that, "and I'm not going to get off of you until you tell me why."

He sighed again, but it sounded different this time. Resigned. Defeated even.

It took him a few moments, so Usagi laid perfectly still except for her thumb stroking his upper arm in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. She had no idea why this was so hard for him, but she suspected whatever it was he was about to say had been closely guarded from a majority of people he ever came across.

"When I was six," he started, and Usagi wasn't sure she'd ever heard his voice sound so timid. "Actually it was the day I turned six, my parents and I were in an accident."

Usagi pushed back from him, sitting up as much as she could with what little energy she had. His words had her head spinning, but this time it had nothing to due with her illness. "An accident?" she needlessly repeated.

"I was in the backseat, and it was raining and dark and apparently, my father lost control of the car and we went over a guardrail," he continued, studiously avoiding her eyes. "They didn't survive, and neither did any memory I had of them."

She could barely breathe at his confession. An overwhelming feeling of loss crushing into her chest like a boulder had fallen on her.

This man, this sweet, kind, beautiful man had grown up without parents? Had lost his entire world at the age of six?

"I didn't have any close relatives to take me in, so I was shuffled through the system until I was old enough to live on my own. My father owned a large technology company, so there was plenty of money from that for me to live comfortably for my entire life if I'd wanted," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I spent a lot of time, searching for something, anything that would give me a past or some sense of who I was. But nothing ever worked. The harder I tried, the less I seemed to succeed. And so, I decided to focus on others. Maybe if I could help someone else avoid what I'd been through, I could find some purpose there."

"Oh, my god," she finally whispered. "Mamo-chan, I'm so sorry."

He finally looked at her, and she was surprised to see him wince, his whole body tensing against hers, and he tried to move away. "This is why I don't tell anyone," he said. "The pity, Usako, I...I just can't."

Usagi shook her head, burying her face back against his chest, breathing in his scent, before he had a chance to run. "No, Mamo-chan, I don't pity you," she said, taking one of his hands into both of hers, and bringing it to her chest, while her eyes watered with fresh tears. "You don't need pity. I just can't imagine how brave and strong you must have been to survive all that. I'm so sorry you had to go through it alone."

To her surprise, he smiled weakly, and hugged her to him. "Well, I'm not alone now, am I?"

She almost forgot how to breathe. No, you're not, and I'll make sure you never are again, is what she should have said, but she only managed a quiet, "no," while her eyes closed wearily.

"Get some sleep, Usa," she heard him say from up above her somewhere.

"Will you stay with me?" she murmured, unaware of the fact that he hadn't moved in the slightest, and that she was still pressed firmly against him.

"Of course, I will."

One last thought fluttered through her mind before sleep claimed her for nearly ten hours.

Let me be your family, Mamo-chan.

oOo

She woke blearily the next morning when something extremely rude gently shook her awake.

"Go awaaaay," she whined, but stilled when she heard a warm laugh.

"Usako, you need to wake up and take some medicine," she heard Mamoru say next to her on the bed she was currently sprawled across. "I honestly shouldn't have let you go this long without taking any, so come on."

Usagi let out an irritated huff, but slowly sat up, and was pleasantly surprised to find her head didn't throb so much anymore, and her throat only stung a little when she swallowed the pills Mamoru gave her.

She looked him over while she greedily gulped down water, and found he was still in his clothes from the night before, though they looked quite wrinkled. A blush graced her cheeks as the realization hit that he must have really stayed with her the entire night.

Mamoru rolled the same traitorous thermometer across her forehead, and Usagi waited for him to speak as he examined the numbers on the tiny screen.

"No more fever. That's a good sign," he said, reaching out to run a hand through her bangs. He smiled at her in that boyish way that made her heart stop.

"You needed a medical degree to tell me that?" she quipped, returning his smile, and was delighted when she was met with one of his dramatic eye rolls.

"I do have to get to work soon," he said, eyes darting to the clock above her head.

Usagi felt her entire body deflate. Of course. Reality. It was such a petty bitch.

"You're more than welcome to-"

"I'll head back to Mako's-"

They both looked away awkwardly, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock Mamoru kept anxiously looking at.

He was the first to speak, but still avoided her eyes. "If you'd be more comfortable there."

She smiled weakly in response, wishing she had the courage to tell him that no, she wouldn't be more comfortable there, she wanted to stay right where she was, lounging in his sheets with his scent on the pillow.

But of course, coward that she was, she only nodded, and threw the covers off, gathering up her dress that was still on the floor next to the bed to change back into from the night before.

She practically ran to the bathroom, trying to get some space to breathe, and making the mistake of looking at her reflection in the mirror.

Her hair was a mess. Face puffy. Eyeliner smudged all around her eyes. She turned the water on in the sink full blast and let out a groan at how ridiculously pathetic she looked.

She splashed water on her face, redid her hair and struggled to get her dress zipper up on her own, having to hop around and place her arms in all sorts of strange positions in order to grab it. She did really miss Makoto now that she was stuck trying to dress herself.

When she finally decided she was brave enough to leave the bathroom, Mamoru was waiting for her by the door with her coat and a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

She padded over to him, and he helped her into her coat before she bent down to place her feet into her heels.

"Keep taking medicine every few hours for a couple more days just to make sure," he told her when she stood back up. Her eyes almost reached his chin with the added height from her shoes.

Usagi nodded, and smiled, reaching up to brush a rogue strand of hair out of his eyes. Her mind repeating the same mantra it always did when she looked at him, he's so beautiful.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Mamo-chan," she whispered, and his face softened under her touch.

"Anytime," he replied, eyes locking on to hers.

She shrugged sheepishly, letting her hand drop from his face. "I would kiss you, but I-"

His mouth was on hers before she could finish, and she melted against him. His hands held her cheeks while he repeatedly touched his lips to hers, long and slow.

When they finally broke apart, he hovered close to her, their lips still only a few centimeters apart.

"That was really stupid, Mamo-chan," she said, eyes not able to move away from looking at his mouth.

"I never claimed to be very smart," he said, his telltale smirk grinning back at her before he kissed her again.

An alarm on his watch pulled them away from each other, and he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Usa, I-"

She smiled at him genuinely. "It's fine, Mamo-chan. I'll see you in a couple weeks?"

He nodded and smiled back. "You're coming to the fitting, right?"

It was her turn to nod. She'd somehow been chosen by Reika to help decide on suits for the wedding.

She moved towards the door, turning around once again when her fingers touched the handle. "When you get sick, you better not blame me," she said sternly, brow furrowed.

Mamoru laughed, and bent down towards her one more time, lightly brushing his lips against her forehead. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Usagi couldn't help the giggle that escaped her. "Call me?"

"I know what's good for me," he replied solemnly, and she giggled again.

She opened the door, and waved back at him, managing to smile until the door clicked closed.