Ichigo came awake with a start. He didn't know what had woken him up but he'd had the weirdest dream that he got his powers back. He hadn't dreamed something like that in a long time. Then he realized that he couldn't move well. Something was weighing down his arms and body. He blinked and frowned because the ceiling was wrong. This wasn't home, and it was Grimmjow and Renji who were weighing down his limbs. It wasn't a dream. It really happened. He swallowed and was still because it felt like both Renji and Grimmjow were deeply asleep on him.

He had to get back home. Tadasu was going to be so mad at him. But he didn't want to bother Renji and Grimmjow by waking them up. He sighed instead and just laid there for a few minutes until he felt Renji move on him. He was still, though, not sure if he should move.

"Ugh, I feel weird," Renji said as he sat up on the floor. He blinked and looked around for a minute. "Wait, I'm back to normal!" he exclaimed, feeling his body with his hands. He turned around and saw Ichigo and Grimmjow.

Ichigo just stared back at him, until he shoved Grimmjow, who grunted and stirred. "What the fuck?" he muttered as he sat up. It seemed, he too, realized that he was back to normal as he felt his own body then turned around and locked eyes on Renji. Then they both looked down where Ichigo was still lying on the floor.

"Ichigo, are you alright?" Renji asked, frowning and reaching for him.

"Yeah," Ichigo answered, letting Renji pull him to a sitting position.

"The midget Shinigami did something, right?" Grimmjow said as he looked at Ichigo. "She did something to you and now you're a spiritual being again."

"Yeah, there was a plan to restore your powers, but they were going to talk it over with you before we did anything, but I guess Rukia thought it was better to give them back to you than not," Renji said.

The door slid open and all three of them looked up to see Urahara standing there. "Well, well, you've finally woken up. Come, we'll have some tea and talk about what's to be done now."

"What's to be done?" Ichigo said. "I have to go home, that's what's to be done. I have things to do this morning, and I've got my classes to worry about."

"There's no way you're going back to that bastard," Renji snapped, glaring at him.

Ichigo's eyes widened a little, but he didn't say anything, he just stared at him for a moment. "I-I am going to be in trouble."

"No, you're not, because yer not goin' back there," Grimmjow growled out from behind him. "That piece of shit deserves to have his ass beat, and I would have gladly done it if I hadn't been stuck as a cat."

"You guys remember what happened while you were transformed?" Ichigo gasped, looking between them.

"Every bit," Renji said, getting to his feet and pulling Ichigo up with him. Grimmjow stood up behind him.

"B-but I can't just leave him!"

"Yes, you can, and you are," Renji told him.

Ichigo took a breath to argue, then dropped his head and chewed his lip. Before he could say anything, Renji tipped his head back up and looked at him.

"Ichigo, that guy is no good, and you deserve better than that," he said in a voice unlike anything Ichigo had ever heard from him.

"Come, let's talk things over," Urahara said. "Rukia's in the other room waiting for you all to wake up. It's almost noon already."

"Noon!" Ichigo gasped. "B-but…but…"

"Ichigo, calm down," Renji said, putting an arm around his shoulder. "Don't worry about that asshole right now."

Ichigo couldn't stop worrying about Tadasu, though. Tadasu would have expected breakfast and lunch by now, and he would be so mad. He never missed meals, no matter what. That was something that Tadasu expected to have done on time every day, no matter what. Ichigo swallowed and followed Urahara into the next room where there was a low table for tea. Rukia was sitting at the table already. She looked up as they came into the room.

"Ichigo!" she said, standing up and guiding him to sit down beside her.

"Hi, Rukia," he muttered, not looking at her.

"I was getting worried since you were out for so long. We didn't expect that to happen when we gave your powers back to you," she said.

"Why did you do it?" Ichigo asked, looking up at her finally.

"Because I had to do something to get you out of there, and it was the only thing I could think of to do," she admitted. "I should have asked you first."

"It's okay," he sighed. "I don't blame you. I guess it was pretty shocking to see what happened."

"Shocking?" Rukia said, both brows going up in response. "Ichigo, that guy was horrid! How did you ever get involved with someone like that?"

Ichigo rubbed his face as Urahara set down tea for everyone. Renji and Grimmjow were quiet as they took their own tea.

"He wasn't always like that," Ichigo began, chewing his lip again as he thought about what to say. What excuse did he have for allowing something like this to happen? He couldn't think of any good ones. "And it just sort of happened and I got used to it."

"You got used to him beating the hell out of you?" Renji asked.

"Well, I did things that got me in trouble, and I shouldn't have," Ichigo said, knowing that they wouldn't understand.

"Ichigo, he had no right to hurt you like that," Rukia said, putting an arm around him gently. "No one could do anything to merit being hurt the way he did."

"He fucking beat you with a belt for some guy breaking into your room and raping you, Ichigo," Renji growled.

Rukia's face twisted, and Ichigo thought it was disgust, when it was really just horror at what she was hearing. Ichigo put his head down on his arms and didn't look at anyone for a few minutes. He felt Rukia's hand rubbing his back.

"Ichigo, please, you've got to know that this was wrong. All of it. What he was doing, he shouldn't have ever hit you in anger, or at all," she said.

He turned his head to the side and could feel the tears in his eyes. "But I love him."

"Do you really, Ichigo?" Urahara asked from across the table. "Is it love, or are you just used to him so much you think you can't live without him?"

Ichigo didn't say anything for a few minutes, then he covered his face in his arms again. "I dunno anymore," he mumbled.

"Love doesn't hurt," Rukia told him, hand still rubbing his back. "You've got to see that."

"But what do I do without him? I was useful! I did things he needed me to do, so I was useful to him. That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? Be useful?"

"Useful?" Renji echoed. "What do you mean, useful? By being his maid and personal—" he cut the thought off, but Ichigo knew what he was going to say.

"Ichigo, you are useful. Even without doing all that stuff for him, you're useful. You didn't have to prove that to anyone," Rukia told him in a gentle tone.

"But after I lost my power, I wasn't useful to anyone except Tadasu," Ichigo whispered hoarsely.

"That isn't true," Rukia tried. "And don't tell me it is. Just because you lost your Shinigami powers, it didn't mean you weren't useful. You were, and still are, more than your powers."

Ichigo leaned over and put his head in one hand where he propped it on the table. "What now?" he said.

"Now, we figure out what to do," Urahara said with a grin. "First, I've already contacted your father and he came and picked up Kon in your body. He wanted to see you, but I suggested letting you have some time to get used to having your power back would be better. Kon will take over your classes. I believe everything was online?"

"Yes, but how is Kon going to know how to take nursing classes?" Ichigo frowned.

"Your dad will help him. Besides, he has a good mind, he should be able to handle it. And it frees you up to go to Soul Society," he continued.

Ichigo looked at him, then over at Renji and Grimmjow. "What about Grimmjow?"

"Ah, well, I talked to Soul Society about him, and they seem to be interested in him from a research standpoint. If Grimmjow wants to go with you, he can, or he can go back to Hueco Mundo if he so desires." Urahara looked at Grimmjow. "So, what is your choice?"

Grimmjow glanced at Ichigo, then back to Urahara. "I think I'm going to stick around and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like going back to that bastard."

Ichigo looked at him, locking eyes with him and knew he meant that. He swallowed and nodded, knowing there was no way to get out of this. He was going to have to do what they said, otherwise, he might get in trouble with them, and he didn't want that. It didn't help that in the last four years, Renji and Grimmjow hadn't changed at all, and both of them still looked like they did when he'd last seen them. Renji's hair had grown a little longer, but that was really the only change. Even back then, before he knew what he was interested in, he thought they both were attractive, and now he thought so even more. But that was a folly of his. No one would want him. Tadasu always said that he was the only one that would want him. So why was he thinking like this now as though it were possible?

"Ichigo, are you alright?" Rukia asked.

Ichigo shook his head and looked at her. He tried to smile as best as he could, but he knew it came out strained. "I'm fine. Really. I feel better than I have in a while, actually."

"Well, after we healed you up, I'm sure you do feel better," Urahara commented. "Now, what should we do?"

"I've talked to Nii-sama, and he agreed that Ichigo could stay at the house with us. He grudgingly agreed to allow Grimmjow to stay as long as he's monitored, after he talks to the Sou-taichou of course," Rukia told them.

"How did you know I'd agree to even go to Soul Society?" Ichigo asked.

"Just a feeling," Rukia said with a smirk. Ichigo wasn't sure what that meant, but he was sure he'd be finding out.

"Well, no time like the present to get going," Urahara said, standing up. "Both Rukia and Renji need to report back, and I'm sure they're going to be interested in how Grimmjow here managed to get to the World of the Living in the first place."

"Fuck if I know," Grimmjow said as he stood up. "I'll tell 'em that, too."

Renji led the way through to Soul Society. As soon as they got there, Grimmjow was noticed. Byakuya and Ukitake both appeared shortly after they entered.

"The head captain has some questions for you," Byakuya said to Grimmjow.

"I'm sure he does, but I ain't got any answers for him," he responded with a shrug.

"Come with us," Ukitake said and they left with Grimmjow.

"Will he be okay?" Ichigo asked as he stood there with Renji and Rukia.

"He'll be fine. It will likely be a formality since he hasn't really done anything wrong. At least, he hasn't yet," Renji said.

"I don't know why you wanted me to come here," Ichigo said as he looked around. Nothing had changed in the last four years. Not really.

"To get you away for a while," Rukia said, grabbing his hand. He looked down at her and sighed. "For now, though, Unohana-taichou wants to see you."

"Wait, what? Why?" Ichigo asked as she pulled him toward the fourth division.

"Well, what we did has never been done before, so she wants to check you over. You went through a lot, and she wanted to make sure there was no bad effects from what I did when I reactivated your powers," Rukia explained.

"Alright, I guess," Ichigo said as they came to the fourth.

They went to Unohana's office and knocked on the door.

"Enter," they heard.

"Unohana-taichou?" Rukia asked as they came into the office. "I've brought Ichigo so you can check him over."

"Of course," Unohana said, standing up. "Come to one of the exam rooms," she said as she led them to a room across the hall.

Ichigo sat down on the exam table and Unohana started using a diagnostic kido on him. Ichigo watched her for a few minutes before he cleared his throat and looked down.

"Did you want to ask something, Ichigo?" Unohana asked.

"Um, well, I was just wondering about how to do healing. Is it something you had to learn in the academy?"

"Well, it was taught to me outside of the academy," she said. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason," he said.

After a few more minutes she looked at him. "It seems there are no ill effects from the power transfer. How are you feeling?"

"Different," Ichigo said. "Not bad, though. It just feels weird to have the powers back again after so long."

Rukia was standing to the side with Renji, but neither said anything. Unohana glanced at them and back at Ichigo. "Is there something you want to talk about?" she asked. "Alone?"

Ichigo looked at her and back at Rukia and Renji. "We can wait outside," Rukia said and grabbed Renji by the arm, pulling him out and shutting the door behind them.

"Now, was there something more you wanted to say?" she asked him gently.

"Um, it's just that, you know, with all that's happened, will my powers be like they were before?" he wondered. "I mean, I'm out of practice with swords and stuff, and I haven't done much in the last four years except take my online classes. Will I be able to do the things I did before?"

Unohana smiled at him again. "You'll have to practice again, I would imagine, to get your body back into shape. But I'm sure that Renji and Rukia will be able to help with that. You're thinner than you were, though, so you might exhaust easier until you put on some muscle once more. Your power is still the same though. You only have to work at it once again."

"Do you think it'll be the same as four years ago?" he asked.

"I can't tell you that. But I'm worried more for you after what Rukia told me was going on in the World of the Living. She said you were involved with an abusive partner," she said, looking at him thoughtfully.

"I-I thought it was something special," Ichigo said quietly. "Tadasu was everything to me. He loved me, that's what I thought. I loved him. I really did. I don't know anymore, though. Was I in love with him or not?"

"That's something only you can answer, Ichigo. Whether you loved him or not, and whether he loved you or not doesn't matter. You didn't deserve to be abused by someone," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"But if I had done what I was supposed to do, he wouldn't have done those things," Ichigo told her.

"Ichigo, you weren't supposed to do anything except be loved by someone. Those things he did, he didn't have a right to do to you."

"What do I do now, though? Without him, I don't know what to do," Ichigo sighed.

"You do whatever you want to do, Ichigo. What do you want to do?" Unohana asked him.

Ichigo was quiet for a moment. "I don't know," he admitted.

Unohana nodded. "It's a question you have to answer for yourself, Ichigo."

"How do I manage without him, now?" he said, running his hands through his hair. "I mean, I got to where I depended on our routine. What I did for him mattered, didn't it?"

"Of course, it mattered, Ichigo. But you have to understand, you matter, too," she said.

Ichigo sighed again. "You're right."

He said the words, but still he didn't believe it all the way. He just couldn't. Everything he was had become wrapped up in what Tadasu wanted him to be. He was that, and he didn't know how to change it. He still thought of himself based on how useful he could be to someone else, so he didn't think he had any inherent value beyond that.

"Look, Ichigo. I'm here if you ever want to talk," she said, nodding at him. "Anytime, just come into the fourth and ask to see me. I'll make time for you."

"Okay," he nodded. "I appreciate it, but I don't think I'll need it."

He got up and went to the door, pausing and smiling at her before he opened it. He found Renji and Rukia standing outside the door waiting patiently for him.

"Um, so now what?" he asked, looking between them.

"Well, you haven't used a sword in four years, what about going to my division and sparring a little bit to get you back up to speed," Renji suggested.

"Okay," he said. "Sounds fine."

"You don't sound too enthused about the idea, Ichigo," Rukia commented, frowning at him.

"No! No, it's good, I haven't done much in the last four years, so I doubt I'll be very good at all anymore," he said.

Renji nodded and led the way to the sixth with Ichigo trailing behind. Rukia separated off, saying she had to go to her own division and report to Ukitake-taichou. Renji kept stopping and looking back to see if Ichigo was following him still.

"Why don't you walk up by me?" he asked.

"Oh, um, sorry," he muttered, stepping up by Renji and feeling a bit chastised by it.

"So, I wonder what they're doing with Grimmjow," Renji said as they walked toward his division.

"I don't know, I mean, it isn't like he did anything wrong," Ichigo said.

"Except the whole thing of working for Aizen," Renji commented, looking at him.

"That was a long time ago, and besides, he's a good person, I just know it," Ichigo told him.

"You two nearly killed each other, and you think he's a good guy, huh?" Renji smirked.

"Well, we fought before, too," Ichigo said, glancing over at him.

Renji got a strange look on his face, and Ichigo swore his cheeks grew red, but he looked away too quickly for him to be sure. "Yeah, I guess that's true."

They arrived at the division and Renji led him to one of the practice grounds. "Let's just keep it in Shikai," Renji said as they stood across from each other. "I'll keep mine unreleased."

"Okay," Ichigo said as they started to spar with each other.

Ichigo felt so far behind, though, because he was rusty. His movements were slow, and his reflexes were dull. He hadn't exerted himself like this in a long time, and he was showing it quickly. Renji was careful to avoid any real damage, but Ichigo found himself on the losing side every time. He sighed as they took a break and thought there was no way he was ever going to catch back up to where someone like Renji was again.

"Don't look so down," Renji said. "You've just gotta practice again to get used to it again, that's all. Four years is a long time, y'know," he put his arm around Ichigo's shoulders and Ichigo felt his face flush almost immediately.

"Ah, yeah," he stammered, trying not to notice where Renji was touching him. It was hard, though, because he could feel the muscles of his chest and arm around him and it was rather nice.

Renji let go and then they resumed practicing for a while longer. Ichigo still felt so far behind that it depressed him. He had no idea how he was going to get his skills back up to where they were. He was thinking of this when he heard someone yell for him.

"Yo, Kurosaki," he looked up to see Yumichika and Ikkaku coming toward them. "Thought I felt your reiatsu."

"Ikkaku, Yumichika," Ichigo said, trying to smile.

"Yo, how are you guys?" Renji said, putting Zabimaru away.

"Not bad. Been sparring?" Ikkaku said.

"Yeah, Ichigo is a little rusty, so we were working on it some," Renji explained.

"Why don't you both come to get some noodles with us," Yumichika said, staring at Ichigo enough to start making him wonder what was going on.

"Sure, I'm starving," Renji said. "What about you, Ichigo?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," he stammered, putting Zangetsu on his back.

They headed to the noodle house where they all sat down at a table together. Everyone ordered and Ichigo just ordered what they did without even really paying attention to what he was ordering. It felt weird to be around so many other people since he was so used to just being around Tadasu and his friends.

"So, Ichigo, what's your plan for while you're in Soul Society?" Ikkaku asked.

Ichigo's eyes went wide for a second. "Oh, ah, I'm not sure yet."

"He's staying with Kuchiki-taichou at the manor house," Renji said.

"What about Grimmjow?" Yumichika asked.

"Well, he's off talking to the Sou-Taichou right now, so we'll see what happens with him," Renji explained.

Ichigo just kind of looked at his hands and didn't say anything. He was hoping that nothing bad happened to Grimmjow because of this. It was kind of his fault that he got found in the World of the Living.

"What was it like being transformed into a dog?" Ikkaku said, leaning over the table toward Renji.

Renji snorted. "Kinda like being in Gigai but more real feeling. It was strange, that was for sure," he said.

"H-how did you get turned into animals anyway?" Ichigo asked, realizing that he hadn't questioned that before now.

"Some weird hollow that attacked in the World of the Living. I guess it somehow pulled Grimmjow through a garganta or something. He didn't really know how he got there, so there isn't going to be much that he can tell the Sou-Taichou. But the hollow had these tendril-like things that it slapped us with and bam, we were turned into animals." Renji shrugged. "I have no idea how it happened other than that."

"So, that's how it happened. And I found you." Ichigo smiled a little. "You made a cute dog, though."

"Oh yeah? Well, you did a good job keeping us alive. I don't know how we would have lasted if you hadn't found us when you did," Renji said, winking at him.

Ichigo felt his face warm up and he looked down at his hands again. He felt Yumichika watching him though.

"We're glad you got your powers back, Ichigo. It's nice to see you in Soul Society again," Ikkaku said with a grin as their food was delivered.

They lapsed into silence as they ate their noodles. Ichigo didn't know what else to say, though. He couldn't think of anything at all no matter how hard he tried. He wanted to engage them in conversation, but it was like all those skills had died during his time with Tadasu. Instead, he said nothing. He kept noting that Yumichika kept looking at him, and he had to wonder why. Finally, Yumichika sighed.

"Ichigo, you and I need to talk," he said.

Ichigo looked up, wondering what in the world Yumichika wanted to talk to him about. "We do?"

"Uh huh, come here," he said, standing up and gesturing for Ichigo to follow him. Ichigo glanced at Renji but he just shrugged at him.

Ichigo followed Yumichika to a far table in the place and sat down across from him. "Um, what is it?"

"Rukia told us what was going on in the World of the Living with that guy you were with," he said seriously.

Ichigo sighed with exasperation. "Does everyone know?"

"No, but she didn't know what to do, so I told her I had experience with the situation."

Ichigo frowned and looked across at him. "Experience?"

Yumichika nodded, leaning over the table. "I had a partner for a while that was abusive."

"I don't really think Tadasu was abusive…"

"Of course, you don't. Because you haven't accepted it for what it was yet. And that's okay, because it will take time to realize what he did was abuse. I didn't think it was abuse, either. It took a while, but I eventually accepted that what he did was wrong, and I was worth something as a person." Yumichika smiled at him and reached over to put a hand on his hand. "This guy, this Tadasu, what did he do?"

Ichigo swallowed hard, staring at their hands. "H-he liked to use a belt when I did something wrong."

"What kind of things did you do that were wrong?" Yumichika asked softly.

"If I messed up a meal. He was really insistent on meals being right, you know. They had to be on time and had to be right, otherwise he would get really mad. And talking too much. He didn't like it when I talked too much, so I kind of didn't talk at all. He seemed to like that," Ichigo told him. "Um, when I didn't do what his friends wanted me to do. Sometimes, he wanted me to, uh, be available to them."

Yumichika frowned. "Be available to them? What does that mean?"

Ichigo's face reddened now and he tried to pull his hand away. "Oh, um, you know. To do stuff."

Yumichika gripped his hand harder. "For sexual favors?"

Ichigo looked down and nodded, embarrassed by the admission. How would Yumichika see him if he knew about that? It was devastatingly hard for him to even admit what Tadasu had expected him to do for the others.

"I didn't want to," he said suddenly, looking up at Yumichika. "I didn't. I really didn't."

"Ichigo, it's okay. I know you didn't want to," Yumichika put his other hand on his and held them both. "It's what he made you do."

"But-but I could have walked away anytime. I could have gone home, so I had to like it somehow," Ichigo stammered.

"Don't do that to yourself," Yumichika said softly. "You were stuck. You loved him, and you didn't know what else to do. That doesn't mean you liked it."

"H-he always said I was useless," Ichigo could feel tears pricking at his eyes now. A few fell onto the back of his hands where Yumichika held them. "And I was. I couldn't do anything right."

"No, he told you that you couldn't do anything right. That was by his standard, and wasn't true at all," Yumichika told him.

"But after I lost my powers, I couldn't do the things I wanted," he sighed. "I was useless. I tried to help this girl and got stabbed. I couldn't even do that right. If it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't have met Tadasu in the hospital."

"Ichigo, you were only human," Yumichika said, squeezing his hands. "And you didn't deserve to be treated as less than that."

Ichigo looked up at him through teary eyes. "I was nothing without my powers."

"That's not true," Yumichika sighed. "You were still Ichigo, and that was enough."

He looked at Yumichika and let out a small sob. "Was it?"

"Yes, it was. It was always enough."

"W-what do I do now?" he whispered.

"Whatever you want to do. I know Renji wants to see you feel better, that's why he wants to help you train again so you can get back to where you were, and I'm sure the others feel the same. We all just want to help you become happy again," Yumichika said, glancing over where the others looked at them now and again.

"How can I know what I want?"

"That's not something I can answer," Yumichika let go of his hands and sat back in his chair again. "That's something you have to answer for yourself."

Ichigo was quiet for a moment. "What if-what if I want something no one knows about?" he said finally.

"What do you mean?" Yumichika frowned and looked at him.

"I mean, what if I want something that everyone doesn't expect? Is that okay?" he asked, looking up at Yumichika again.

Yumichika nodded. "Of course, Ichigo. You can want anything. You just have to say what it is that you want."

Ichigo nodded. "Okay," he murmured.

"Come on, let's go back over to the others before they start to get jealous," Yumichika said as he stood up, pushing his hair over his shoulder. "Ikkaku can be ill tempered, and Renji too."

"J-jealous?" Ichigo said, standing up. "Why would they be jealous?"

Yumichika looked at him with an arched brow. "Oh, dear, you're oblivious, aren't you?"

"I don't understand," Ichigo frowned as they walked back over to the table.

"You will," Yumichika said as he sat back down by Ikkaku and Ichigo resumed sitting beside Renji.

"Have a good talk?" Renji asked.

"Yeah," Ichigo nodded. "Um, do you think we can check on Grimmjow?"

Renji looked at him for a moment. "I'm sure he's fine, but yeah, I can see if I can't find out what's going on with him. Do you want to stay here with Yumichika and Ikkaku while I go find out what's up, or you want to come with me?"

"I'll stay here and wait for you," Ichigo nodded.

"Alright, I'll be back. Don't disappear anywhere while I'm gone," Renji said as he stood up and headed out the door.

Ikkaku waved down the waitress for another bowl of noodles. Yumichika sighed and looked over at Ichigo. "So, tell me, what is it that you want to do that no one would expect of you?"

Ichigo's face went a little pink. "Just something different," he muttered, looking at his hands. "Nothing important, though."

Except it was important. It was everything, and Ichigo had no idea how to tell them. He didn't want to spend all his time training with the others. He wanted to go back to the fourth division and talk to Unohana again about healing and how to do it. He wanted to work on learning how to heal others instead of just how to wield a sword. But for the life of him, he had no idea how he was supposed to tell anyone this.