Okay so first, I have to say, I am super sorry for all the notifications you might have received today because I posted all of these 'new' fics.
Especially if you're someone who followed me a long time ago because of my French Captain Swan fics and doesn't care about Brooklyn Nine-Nine haha…
(You should, though, if you read that: this show is pure gold.)
Anyways, it's just that for the past months, I've been posting all of my fics on AO3 but I wanted to have them all gathered together here as well, because it's easier for me since contrary to AO3, here they're all in one same big 'story.' Which allows me to see how many words I actually wrote in total.
Plus this website is where I started sharing my stories so I felt like I wanted to come back here as well – let's call it a bit of nostalgia haha.
Hope you won't mind too much, and maybe enjoy them, even though for some they're no longer really topical. This one is a canon divergence that takes place after 1x22, where Jake has been gone undercover for 3 years and not 6 months, and Amy wasn't dating anyone when he told her about his feelings.
(It's also kind of the re-writting of the beginning of my CS fic 3 ans après haha – with big changes to make it more Peraltiago-related, ofc ;))
It's almost been three years.
Three long, hopeless years. Thirty-six months; one thousand, ninety-five days without news.
Without knowing when he'll be back. Or even if he will be back eventually, someday.
All that amount of time since the night he left too.
Since his declaration, as he found her in front of the building of their precinct at night. All alone.
Talked about his fears of what might happen to him during this assignment, and then letting it all out…
I kinda wish something could happen, between us – romantic-stylez.
He knew it couldn't, though. Because he was going undercover. That's just how it is.
After that, he meant to leave. Reminded her (himself) they couldn't have any contact anymore because of his mission, because he was supposed to have been fired. He added that America needed him.
Screw America, she thought. She needed him more. So she didn't let him go.
Instead, she kissed him right there on the parking lot, not caring that someone could pass by and see them, releasing into it all the feelings she'd repressed the past years.
She wished that as well – to have a relationship of their own.
But it was too late. They were too late, taking their leap of faith only then. He was going away on a huge, dangerous assignment, and neither one of them knew when he'd be back at the precinct.
Still though, she praised him to take her to his apartment with him. "Take me home," she almost inaudibly whispered against his skin, eyes closed as she buried her head inside the crook of his neck.
One last night together, that's all she asked of him – of the universe that chose to separate them.
(One first night, mostly.)
She knew there wouldn't be any tomorrow.
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?
He didn't hesitate one second to agree to her request, loving her indeed until the sun rose up, and its ray through his window forced them back into reality. They had to go separate ways.
No matter how much they wished they could stop time, right at that exact moment, and remain like this forever, all curled up inside his bed. It wasn't even that much comfortable, with its lumps and all.
But they couldn't care less about that. All they cared about was that they were together.
Let this be the way we remember us…
She left, eventually, though. They didn't exchange much words, before Amy passed Jake's door one last time and he closed it behind her, ready to start his new, fake life as a former cop.
(Oh so not ready to leave her behind for who knows how long.)
He didn't ask for her to wait, and she didn't promise she would either. There was no point in that.
It was just a night. A goodbye.
(A farewell.)
All of this happened almost three years ago. Amy hasn't seen, nor heard of her partner ever since.
She still misses him a lot, of course. Doesn't think there will be a day she won't, anyway.
Not until he's finally back and she knows he's safe and sound.
She somehow managed to move on with her life, though. Even found someone – Teddy's the name. He's a nice guy, and they have a lot in common. (He doesn't make her laugh like Jake did.)
But she's truly happy with him.
Or at least, as happy as she can be with her colleague and most importantly best friend away on some unknown mission, unaware of where he is or if he's doing okay.
There are some days, like today, when she can feel his absence more than others. Because today's her birthday, and she and all of her close relatives are gathered at Shaw's to celebrate that event.
Almost all her close relatives, should she say, because of course he is missing the party.
She's not the only one noticing it. Everyone does. After all, for most of them, he's their colleague too.
She knows she shouldn't think about it, put her hopes up, but she does it anyway – every time her phone buzzes as someone writes her a 'happy birthday' text, she can't help but pray for his number to appear on her screen, or any other unknown number for that matter, as long as she recognises it's him.
He's smart, and full of imagination – she's sure he could find a way to reach her if he wanted to.
It's her third birthday without him, though, and needless to say it never happened before.
Still, she pitifully keeps holding onto that thought. It's the only thing that helps her go through her day.
"Hey, are you okay?" a voice suddenly takes her out of her sad reverie, just as a hand coming from her side presses gently at her wrist to make her look in its direction.
It's Teddy, sitting next to her on one of the booths in the room, apparently telling her stories she didn't pay attention to – probably something about Pilsners. Teddy loves his Pilsners.
Seems to like talking about them even more, sometimes.
When she looks up at him, and spots the concern in his eyes as he's staring intently at her with his brow furrowed, she feels a pang of shame take over her heart. She shouldn't be thinking about all of this right now – instead, she should be enjoying the party he took time to throw for her.
"I'm sorry, I just…" she begins apologising, then.
"I know," he cuts her off, offering her a tender, reassuring smile.
And indeed he does – she never ever hid anything from him about Jake, from the start.
"But I also know what will cheer you up," he goes on. "What do you say we open your gifts now, huh?"
She's not so sure it'll help brightening her mood but she agrees anyway, smiling back at him. She's so relieved she found someone that much comprehensive. Surely it helps that he's also a detective, and therefore knows what it's like, to have a partner gone undercover without any information about them.
She takes the hand he offers her then, and follows him to the counter of the bar, where all her presents have been laid upon. She takes a seat on a stool, waiting until everyone is gathered around her to start opening them. And, as she's busy ripping off the wrapping of the first one, she catches from the corner of her eye Rosa and Gina exchanging mysterious looks and whispers, before the red-headed pulls her phone out and begins typing something on it.
She chooses not to pay it too much attention, though, putting her whole attention back to unwrapping her gift, excited to discover what it may be – it's from her best friend, Kylie, so she already knows she'll love it to pieces, no matter what she bought. She repeats the process with the others, and soon she forgets it as she finds herself overwhelmed by all the thoughtful things her friends offered her today.
In no time she's opened all of them, feeling much better indeed (her boyfriend was right after all – it did cheer her up a lot). Or so she thinks, because as she intends to stand and thank all of the people for their gifts and simply being here celebrating with her, Teddy stops her, forcing her to remain still.
"I didn't offer mine yet," he explains himself to her questioning look.
She frowns, looking back at the counter for a second: there's no packet left there. He doesn't seem to hold anything in his hands either, so she's a bit puzzled by his words, and what he might get her.
"We also have someo–… something else to give you," Charles intervenes, correcting himself at the last moment after Rosa hit him on the side to make him shush. He sounds, and looks, so excited, this only startles Amy even more than she already was because of Teddy. "A little surprise," the detective can't help but add, and this time it's Gina who puts an hand on his mouth before he lets everything out.
It wouldn't be the first time he blows a surprise by saying too much, after all.
Once again she can't linger too much on that, because her boyfriend takes her hand in his to bring her attention back to him. He seems nervous, she notices when she watches him again.
It makes her nervous, too, she has to admit. She's afraid of what's going to happen next.
He clears his throat before speaking, and smiles lightly at her.
"Amy, we have all the same interests," he says what seems to be the beginning of some speech. She smiles back at his words. They do indeed.
(Except for Pilsners. She hates his damn Pilsners.)
"We have so much chemistry. When we're together, it's like… no matter where we are, it's San Diego."
(Maybe they don't have all the same interests, after all – because clearly, this is not the first city that would have come to her mind for such a metaphor. But she doesn't complain.)
After that, everything happens so quickly, she barely has time to understand it. Because one second he's talking to her, and the next he's on one knee, showing off a beautiful diamond in a little box to her.
Leading to the inevitable question, "Amy Santiago… will you marry me?"
She freezes, breathless, staring at him with big, surprised eyes.
Of all things, she didn't expect that to happen tonight. And she doesn't know what to say in return.
She loves him – of course she does, otherwise she wouldn't have stayed with him for all those past months. But everything is going so fast. How is she supposed to know he's the one already?
Does she really want to spend the rest of her life with him?
She honestly doesn't know that. For the first time, Amy Santiago doesn't have any right answer to give.
All around her, the room starts spinning just as her head starts aching, and she can feel her heartbeat quicken with every new passing second in that too quiet room. It doesn't help that everyone is staring at her in a religious silence, waiting for her to let out a word (any word) and that Teddy is watching her with impatience and nervousness in his eyes in front of her mutism.
Hopefully for her, though, the others' attention is drawn away from her and towards the entrance of the bar when the doorbell suddenly starts ringing as someone comes inside. Instinctively, she turns her gaze towards the sound too, and almost falls from her stool when her eyes lay upon the figure that just arrived. She feels as if her heart is about to drop when she recognises him, a huge grin on his face that soon disappears when he understands what he's just interrupted: Amy being proposed to.
By some guy he's never seen before, during their five years of partnership.
(He just missed three of them, though. A lot can happen during that amount of time.)
(A lot did happen, apparently.)
Finally, the birthday woman lets out a word – not an answer of any kind to her boyfriend, though.
Simply his name, in a shocked whisper. "Jake?!"
That's him she can't seem to detach her gaze off, this time, all quiet again. She can't quite believe it. He's right here, a few feet away from her – her colleague, her partner, her best friend.
This is not just another dream she's having.
Tears start sprinkling in her eyes as she watches him, forgetting about everything around her – even her boyfriend, who's still waiting for her to react in any way to his question. She's so afraid that if she turns away from him, even if for just a split second, he'll disappear and be taken away from her again.
She can't risk that.
He looks both the same and so different. He's thinner, wears what looks like the beginning of a bear as well, and he's tired – oh so tired. The thing that catches her attention the most, though, is the missing of something in his brown orbs. There was this glint before, that seems to have gone away.
This cheerfulness he always had within, no matter what.
Her heart tightens in her chest at the realisation – he must have gone through very dark times during his undercover mission, if those people managed to blow this light out. She wonders if it'll come back again, somehow – someday – now that he's back. If she will be able to help in that.
She wants to hug him so much, right now, so tight, and let herself go inside his embrace.
She still doesn't make a move. He doesn't act like making one either.
No-one in the bar does.
It's like time has stopped the moment he passed that door and their eyes locked onto each other.
Images of their last night together come back to her mind in flashes.
His body on top of hers, the burning kisses to her neck that left a mark there for a few days after he left, her hand in his as they were moving in shared rhythm, their clothes scattered all around his room…
(Hold me like I'm more than just a friend.)
(Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do.)
(It matters how this ends – 'cause what if I never love again?)
His last words, too, printed in her heart, going on a loop in her head any time she needed it before, and coming back now just like he is. I'll be back, I promise.
And he did indeed – he kept his promise, no matter how long it took him too.
(Almost three years. Thirty-six months; one thousand, ninety-five days.)
Suddenly, all of this is too much for her to handle – Teddy's proposal, Jake's arrival… She simply can't take it anymore. Starts feeling like she's suffocating. She needs some fresh air, and she needs it now.
That's what she tells everyone, then, when she apologises to them and rushes out of the bar.
Leaving everyone behind.
It takes another few long seconds for things to apparently go back to normal once she's gone. Charles is the first one to speak again, screaming his friend's name as he runs into his arms.
"Jakey!" he's happy to be reunited again, even though they've seen each other earlier, at the precinct.
Even though he was part of the plan all along – was the one who talked the newcomer into doing it.
"She's gonna love the surprise!" everyone from the squad seemed to agree on that.
He was skeptical to the idea at first, despite the temptation that such a huge entrance this could make – he already had waited three long years, he didn't want to waste any more second away from her –, but finally accepted. He should have listened to his guts, though.
Because it was clear now this was not a good surprise that Amy enjoyed.
"I missed you so much," the older detective tightens his embrace, and Jake is taken back to reality.
Somehow, the scene manages to lighten the mood in the room, and everyone starts following Charles's lead, welcoming their friend and colleague back. Or almost everyone.
Teddy, who's finally stood up, doesn't care about Jake. He's watching him from afar, resentment visible in his eyes as he sips his sorrow away in one of his beloved Pilsners. Of course he knows who this is.
He just had to look into his girlfriend's eyes while she was staring at him to understand.
Understand that it's him – the real love of her life, despite all of her attempts at telling him that nothing more than just a one-night stand happened between them, and she just missed him as a friend now.
He trusted her. He didn't need for her to make any excuses about her past. But it always seemed like she did, every time he spotted her lost inside her own mind, watching pictures of the both of them.
And maybe she managed to fool herself with this lie at some point, truly believing she could have a life with someone else – romantic-stylez, that is –, he, on the other hand, wasn't blind. She'd never looked at him the way she looked at her partner when he entered the room. Plus, she ran away.
If that doesn't say something about her feelings…
"Hey man," someone eventually takes him out of his loneliness. As it happens, when he looks up from his drink, he finds himself face-to-face with the missing detective himself, who seems uncertain.
"I, huh–," he nervously rubs his hands together as he speaks. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the bad timing of my coming back. Making it a surprise wasn't a good idea. At all. I see it now."
There's a moment of silence before Teddy answers, "Actually, I think it was a really good timing."
Jake raises an eyebrow in surprise. This is absolutely not what he'd expected.
(Actually, he'd expected him to just punch him in the face for daring come and talk to him.)
(But that wouldn't be the kind of guy Amy would choose to date, anyway.)
(Would choose to marry.)
(The thought alone breaks his heart, taken back to that moment he interrupted earlier.)
"It prevented us from doing something we both would have regretted in the end," he explains himself in front of the other man's startled look towards him. "After all, I knew she never stopped liking you."
The brunette remains speechless following this confession. Teddy's last words repeat themselves in his head, warming his heart instantly. Really, Amy stills likes him? She never stopped?!
He so wishes that other man is right, and that she has indeed. Because he knows it's the case for him.
In fact, not a day has passed since she left his apartment that morning without he thought of her.
There's only one way of figuring that out, though. And it's to directly ask her.
That's why, after leaving Teddy behind, he manages to sneak out of the bar to go after his friend.
He has a pretty good idea of where she might be.
Amy is lying against a wall, watching Brooklyn's life from the top of a roof, her mind wandering about the recent events of the night. Teddy proposed to her. Right when Jake came back from his mission.
What a birthday full of surprises it was…
And the night hasn't even ended yet. Eventually, she'll have to go back to Shaw's, and apologise to everyone for bursting out. She'll have to face her boyfriend, and answer him yes or no.
She'll have to meet her partner, and tell him how much she missed him during those three years.
She feels better, now. Can breathe evenly again, and think more clearly, appeased by the quietness of the empty street at such a late hour in the night and the cool breeze of air against her skin.
"I had a feeling I'd find you here," she's suddenly interrupted in her contemplation by a voice in her back as steps are coming her way, though. She doesn't have to turn around to recognise who that is.
Because who else than Jake Peralta could find her there? No-one other than him knows that place.
It's their rooftop, after all. The place they went on a stakeout the night she lost their bet, a bit more than three years ago, back on that night of January 14th, 2014. When everything began between them.
When Charles told him he liked her, and he understood what he meant by that when she started flirting with him, and he became obsessed with her forever.
(She liked him too, back then.)
(Still does, deep inside.)
She doesn't reply with anything, and in no time he's at her side, watching the horizon with her. "I like this place," he lets out once more when they're next to each other, and he offers her a knowing smile, to which she can't help but reply with one of her own.
"Me too," she says. She takes a pause then, losing herself into his brown orbs, still a bit shaken up by the fact that he is here, before she turns away and shamefully adds, "I'm sorry I ran away."
He gently puts his hand onto hers in a reassuring move. She manages to lock eyes again with him and goes on with her apology, "I just… I suppose it was too much seeing you again after three years, and with Teddy's proposal happening at the same time, I… I simply wasn't expecting it."
"Yeah, that's why we call it a surprise," Jake's response is to joke, and Amy can't help but laugh along with him, which instantly sends a rush of light and happiness towards her core.
It feels so good, being back to this. Playing around with her partner and friend, just like old times.
Quickly though, he's back to being all serious again. "I'm sorry too," he apologises to her as well, and she raises an eyebrow in question. Why would he apologise? He had a job to do.
She'd never blame him for having to go away.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was back the moment my mission was over," he confesses, explaining his words, and she's even more lost than before. "I wanted to, I really did, but when I came to the precinct this afternoon and you weren't there because you had a day-off, the others told me about your party and thought it would be cool if I just showed up there unexpected – as a surprise. I shouldn't have said yes to this. I should have known better than thinking it could indeed be a good come-back idea."
This time, she's the one who squeezes their laced fingers to reassure him. "That's okay," she gives him a tender rictus. "I'm just… I'm just glad you're here now."
"I am too," he smiles back. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," she quietly agrees to his confession.
They fall back into silence after that. Amy takes a moment to really inspect Jake while he doesn't look. He tries to hide it as much as he can, but she spots him yawning, and realise then she hasn't asked yet.
"How are you?" she lets out then.
He turns back to her as he seems a bit startled by her question at first, like no-one wondered about his well-being before. Undercovers, especially that long, could be quite the trauma, though –
She's read a lot of testimonies during his time away, enough to know that.
Who knows what he had to go through, or see, or even do to keep his cover intact while he was among these criminals, and far from his friends and family, putting his life at risk everyday.
(She's not sure she ever wants to know the answer to that.)
"I'm gonna be okay now," he eventually tells her after a few seconds, not trying to hide his vulnerability.
He doesn't have to. Not with her anyway.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" she offers, but doesn't pushes him into doing it.
He nods, and once he's started on his story, he's unstoppable. It feels good letting all out. Often during his time away he wished he had someone he could share things with about what was going on.
(Often during his time away he wished he had her to share things with about what was going on.)
When he's finished, and both have tears in their eyes at what he confessed, Amy's first reaction is to finally throw herself into his arms. Just like she's wanted to from the moment he passed that door.
They remain like that for a while, not wanting to let go of the other. Not having to do so either, this time.
Until Jake breaks contact, and it's his turn to ask. "Tell me about your life."
So, she does. Lets him know about everything – from work, to her personal life, to…
"Are you actually going to agree to his proposal?" the male detective asks, curious, when she brings the Teddy topic.
"I… don't know," she nervously answers – she's not sure she wants to have this conversation with him.
But he insists nonetheless, "Why?"
"I mean, I'm not even sure he still wants to marry me after what I did to him," she feels ashamed about it. "How did… how did he look, after I left, by the way? Not too devastated, I hope?"
"Surprisingly, he didn't seem as devastated as someone who's been left by you would be," he answers.
She blushes at his insistence on the word 'you.'
"I went to apologise to him, and we had a little chat," he goes on with his explanation of the events she missed. "He told me maybe this was for the better. He… he said he knew you still liked me."
He carefully watches her reaction, uncertain he should have told her that.
Her cheeks are turning even redder now, as she suddenly looks away. "I…" she wants to speak, but the words don't seem to be able to go out of her mouth.
In front of her silence, Jake tells her then, "Listen, I'm sorry I crushed his proposal, and made that so complicated for you now. It was never my intention. But if you love him, and want to marry him… then you should go and explain yourself. I'm sure he'd understand and give you a second chance."
He stops, hesitant, before adding in a whisper, more for himself than anything else, "At least he'd be a fool not to." Which makes her turn her gaze back to him again.
"He's a nice guy," she starts, finally finding her voice again. "I wish things would have gone otherwise. But it is what it is. And I'm not sure I want him to give me a second chance. I do love him, but…"
Jake raises an eyebrow, waiting for her to finish her sentence.
"Thing is, I think he's right," she says after what seems like forever. "I think I… I think I love you more."
For the second time that night, he remains speechless. Simply grins at her confession, eyes shining in the dark. Oh, how much does he love her too…
"I need to break things up with him the right way," she's quick to add, though, probably afraid of how he might react to her confession. She doesn't want to break Teddy's heart more than she already has.
"Of course," the other detective nods in answer. "For the record, though – I love you too."
She smiles in return, some weight going out of her chest at hearing those words coming from his mouth. It's so hard not to go to him and simply kiss him right now, after all this time apart…
But suddenly, her phone buzzes in her pocket as she's just received a new message, and she takes it out. She's a bit surprised when she recognises the name on her screen: Teddy.
I left the party, the text writes. You can come and pick up your stuff tomorrow from 6pm. No need to feel bad if something happens with your colleague tonight. It's over.
She would lie if she'd say she doesn't feel bad while reading it. But she feels kind of relieved, too.
Because it seems like she's totally free, now, like he said it himself.
She doesn't need more than just that to put her phone back into her pocket, and break the few inches still separating their two bodies before putting her lips on Jake's, arms wrapped around his neck to keep him close. Of course he is startled at first, but soon enough he's kissing her back, and hard, with his own hands at her waist for the same reason as her, and it's like the world is back on its axis again.
It's like he's finally home again, despite coming back from his assignment a few hours ago already. She is his home, after all. He's come to understand that during his undercover mission.
And he swears he won't leave it – leave her – ever again.
If you want to read more of my stories, even though I'll surely continue to post them here as well now, or even just have a chat about that wonderful series that is B99, you can find me on AO3 under the same pen name than here (Kufikiria) or on Tumblr, under the URL b99peraltiago :)