Many thanks to BeaconHill and GlassGirlCeci for betareading.
Trigger Warning: This chapter contains suicidal imagery and ideation.
Four Days Earlier
"You're so adorable. You think it's real? You think she cares about you?"
"She does care!" Sophia sounded desperate, but Oracle could see the self-doubt, the fear, hovering spectral behind her.
There was something unspeakably right about this. Oracle stood in the pale light of the streetlamps, her taser in her hand. Sophia lay curled at her feet, blood trickling from her split lip and from her left nostril, her whole body shuddering faintly. It felt like closure.
In this moment, it didn't matter what Anne or anyone else thought. Sophia had hurt her. She deserved this.
She kicked Sophia again, because it felt good. Something gave in Sophia's chest, and the Ward gasped under her. Oracle felt her lips twisting, though whether she was grinning or grimacing, she wasn't sure. "Bullshit," she said. "You can't lie to me, Stalker."
She watched Sophia's resolve crumble, and reveled in it. "I don't know about T—Annatar," Sophia finally admitted. "I don't know what she feels. But I know she cares. Maybe not how I do, but that's not the point. It's not about that."
It was almost endearing, the way Sophia thought she was telling the truth, even as the ghosts of affection, desire, and loyalty all swirled about her. It would have been endearing, if it hadn't been so hypocritical. I can see you lying, you know. Sophia's own voice echoed, taunting her. Even when you're lying to yourself.
That wasn't the only voice intruding on her thoughts, but Anne's was easy to shake off, when having Sophia on the ground in front of her felt so good.
"Like hell it's not about that. Like imagining her having her way with you doesn't leave you gasping every night." Oracle bit the words out, resisting the urge to kick Sophia again. That had felt like a broken rib—another blow might hit something critical, and it wouldn't do to kill Sophia yet. "Like you wouldn't bend over in a heartbeat if she asked…"
Something rose up in Sophia's mind. A flashbulb memory, so bright and distinct that Oracle found herself delving into it automatically. She couldn't see entire memories, only the ideas and emotions that came with them. The emotions were a convoluted cocktail, almost impossible to unravel.
But sometimes, if the memory was intense enough, if it was central enough in their mind at that moment, she could hear voices. She heard Annatar's.
But you… you're so much more than that to me. The warmth of two hands touching, holding one another. I need you, Sophia. I need you beside me—now, more than ever.
She felt Sophia's hope, her desire, her need. She felt the despair, the betrayal, the hurt. The self-loathing was thick enough almost to send her reeling.
"You…" Emma found her lips moving almost unbidden. She hesitated, but she could not see anything else in this memory but what it was. "You turned her down?"
Sophia's voice. That's all I am to you now—a tool you can lead around by her emotions. Love, pain, awe, and despair all mingled as she felt, rather than saw, Sophia turning her back on Annatar. Then Sophia, the one in the alley, not the one in the haze of memory, spoke. "It wasn't about that," she muttered, and it was true. "It was… the right thing to do."
Beside Emma, Rune made a noise of derision. It sounded like it was coming from a long way off. Her vision was tunneling, darkness creeping in along the edges as she stared at Sophia. Her mask felt stifling, but it was also the only thing keeping the roiling of her thoughts from spilling out all over the street.
The right thing to do.
Sophia had turned away from Annatar when Annatar had offered everything she wanted. She could have had the girl she was in love with, the friendship and loyalty of her team, the sense of belonging that she had so craved since before Emma had even known her. And she had turned away anyway. She had fought against Annatar, not because she had been rejected, not because she was jealous, not because she was afraid of change, and she had returned not because she was weak or lovelorn but because… because…
It was the right thing to do.
Emma's world tilted on its axis.
The universe was, in an instant, transformed utterly. The triumph in her belly became a sick horror. The rage became shame. The hate became awe. The conclusions fell one upon the other like dominoes, leading her to an overwhelming truth. And, at long last, the wall of pride came crashing down.
Sophia loved Taylor, but she was not bound by her. She had rebelled, not out of jealousy or as a last gasp of freedom, but to help the girl she loved.
If Sophia's motives had been so pure, it meant that Taylor had not enslaved Sophia with her Ring of Power, though she could have from the beginning. When she had given the Green Ring to Sophia, when she had promised to help Sophia tread the higher road, it had been sincere.
If Sophia had not been so bound, it meant that when Sophia had turned her back on Emma, had threatened to hurt her if she exposed Taylor, it wasn't the loyal snarling of an obedient guard-dog, but the desperate hackles of a frightened girl with little practice trying to protect someone.
And if Sophia's error had been just that, a mistake, it meant that when Emma had done all in her power to tear the two of them down, she hadn't been atoning for her sins or striking back at a shadowy overlord of immense power. She had been lashing out at two people fumbling in the dark alongside her, just because they were navigating it better than she was.
Anne had been right. The eye and the ashen waste Emma saw behind Taylor's every action weren't what she was striving for at all. They were what she was running from.
Emma hadn't spent the past few months trying to stop the monster that had taken over the body of a girl who, in a childish mistake, Emma had accidentally killed. No; Emma had spent the past months trying to kill her former best friend, after failing to do so in a premeditated, vicious, and above all adult act of violence.
But in spite of all Emma had done, somewhere in the city, Taylor remained alive and well. Every day she was growing stronger, better, wiser. And yet, no matter how Taylor had tried to pull herself out of the hole she'd found herself in, Emma had kept digging it deeper. Until she had almost succeeded in making Taylor the very monster she feared.
Emma wasn't the martyred penitent who was trying to right the mistakes of her youth by any means necessary. Emma was the girl who had, even with a power that let her see into the truth behind the lies of men, continued to delude herself. Emma was the girl who had tried to bury the horror of what she had done and what she had become by using her own victim as a scapegoat.
And here was Sophia, lying bruised on the ground before her, and she didn't deserve this.
Her heart felt like it would burst. She didn't want to have to face this. She didn't want to have to live in this new, transfigured world, where she was—where she had always been—in the wrong. She would rather die. She wanted to run across the street and throw herself into the ocean. Wouldn't that be better for everyone? Everything she touched was corrupted. Everyone she affected was the worse for it. And it would hurt less.
She would never be able to pull herself out of this pit as Taylor and Sophia had. They were so strong, and she was so very, very weak. But she was inside the Empire. She was trusted by Kaiser. She would never again be the girl who had smiled and laughed in the car with Taylor and her mother, but she could at least do this. One last, small act, to try to make Taylor's path a little easier after all the barricades she had put in her way.
Then, and only then, would she allow herself to die.
All this happened in the space of a moment that felt like a lifetime. In the space between one heartbeat and another, right became wrong, wrong became right, Annatar became Taylor, and Oracle became Emma. She blinked, swallowed, and mustered every last fiber of her treacherous little soul to keep the lies flowing until the end.
"Tch." The derisive little grunt sounded astonishingly convincing. "Didn't stop you running back to her now." She gingerly kicked Sophia one last time, trying to be as gentle as possible while still convincing Rune that nothing had changed. It was harder than she expected—even in the face of all that she had realized, the anger and hurt still clung stubbornly to her like the last cloying symptoms of a disease.
Emma took a shuddering breath and tore her eyes from Sophia. She turned away, walking back to Rune—and clearing the path between Sophia and freedom.
"What should we do with her?" Emma asked Rune, stalling for time, one eye on the far side of the street.
"Take her in, maybe?" Rune suggested. "Or we could leave her here. Think she called for help?"
"Don't know," Emma said, though she desperately hoped Sophia had. She still hadn't teleported. Surely she'd noticed the opening? "Don't really want to find out. If we're taking her, we'd better…"
Oracle trailed off as Sophia stumbled out of the shadows across the street. She staggered, falling back to the sidewalk with a wince. Her green eyes were fixed on Emma's mask.
Emma felt her heart accelerate. For a moment, involuntary fear threaded through her veins. She wanted to run, or to pull out a weapon to defend herself, because Shadow Stalker was there, and now she was free.
She knew Sophia couldn't see her face, couldn't see the fear warring with relief. So when she mouthed, "Run!" she wasn't sure whether it was for Sophia's benefit or her own.
"Where'd she go!?" Rune's shout rang in Emma's ears. Emma stared silently as Sophia put her hand on the low wall. Even as her hands shook, Emma forced herself to commit. Come on, Sophia. Get up!
She did. Emma saw the faint trailing of shadows around her. She was ready to get away. Knowing that, Emma pointed. "There!"
Rune turned, but Sophia was already fading away. Emma bit her tongue to hold back her sigh of relief.
Now she had to figure out what to do next.
Two Hours Ago
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Kaiser?" Alabaster sounded nervous. He stood lingering in the doorway of the penthouse study. The late afternoon sunlight filtering from the windows overlooking the city made his white skin seem almost transparent. Emma glanced at him and tasted his fear. "Maybe we should just cut our losses and split."
"Annatar chased down Nilbog in Ellisburg," Kaiser answered without looking up from the memo he was reading. Emma saw in every minute movement his own carefully concealed fright. "She will chase after us if we run now, Alabaster. Our best chance is to fight." He looked up then and met the other cape's eyes. "Don't let the men hear it in those terms," he said. "Hope is our best weapon, at this point."
Alabaster nodded rapidly. "Of course. Uh, and you're sure about splitting up?"
Kaiser nodded again. "They went after Auxiliary in his base," he said. "They went after Hookwolf at his dogfight. They know where we operate. The chain of command must be preserved—if and when they assault Medhall, someone needs to be outside to maintain the organization if things go poorly. And, hopefully, to mount a rescue. Krieg is the best candidate—of all of us remaining, his civilian life is the most private."
Alabaster sighed. "We're not getting out of this today, are we?"
Kaiser looked back down at his memo. There wasn't much guilt or shame there, but Emma could see the faintest tendrils seeping into his heart. "Annatar is only one cape," he said. "We have a chance, if we work together. We survived Leviathan, after all."
Alabaster took a deep breath. "All right. You said they're attacking at dusk?"
"So say my informants," Kaiser said, gesturing at the paper in his hand. "But Annatar and Dragon keep their battle plans close to the chest. All my agents know is that the PRT intends to set up a perimeter, and that the troopers will be told where to place that perimeter when the time comes." He turned suddenly to face Emma. "Have you seen anything?" he asked. "Anything which might give us more information?"
She shook her head. "I've been scanning all the footage from every security cam we have access to," she said. "No one I saw seemed to know anything." It was even true.
Kaiser sighed. "Then we'll do what we can. Alabaster, you and Fenja will form the perimeter. Annatar has lately made a habit of splitting her teams, so I want the two of you able to respond to multiple points of attack. We'll place people throughout the several blocks surrounding the building, and Rune and I will stay here. As soon as Annatar appears, we will move to support wherever she attacks." As he spoke those last few words, his eyes fixed on Emma. She didn't need her power to know that he was asking her to keep the lie quiet.
She did. It wouldn't matter soon.
Alabaster nodded. "All right. Cricket's with Krieg. That leaves Othala, Victor, and Purity."
"They will not be joining us tonight." The rage and hate flared like a wildfire, barely contained even by the iron shell of Kaiser's will. "Purity has taken my children and surrendered to the Protectorate—I heard from my agents in the PRT earlier this afternoon. Victor and Othala have gone AWOL—I suspect they intend to flee, and I don't have anyone to spare to go after them at the moment."
"Fuck." Alabaster stared at Kaiser, his eyes wide. "Your kids? She didn't—"
"She did. I'll thank you to drop it for the moment. We have more pressing concerns." Kaiser neatly folded the memo and placed it on the desk in front of him. "Find Fenja, relay my orders," he said. "I want the two of you patrolling in fifteen minutes."
Alabaster bit his tongue, nodded, and then raised his hand in a Sieg Heil. There was pride there, under the fear and despair. "It's been an honor, sir."
Kaiser returned the salute. There was nothing but contempt and impotent rage behind his. "Good luck, Alabaster. God willing, we'll drink a toast to this tonight."
Alabaster grinned wryly. "God willing." Then he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.
As soon as it was fully shut, Kaiser turned to face Emma. "You know my plans?" he asked.
Emma nodded. "Sorry. You know I can't turn it off."
"Don't be—I appreciate you holding your tongue." Kaiser sighed. "Auxiliary's last project should be hidden even from Dragon. It's on the roof now. When word arrives of Annatar's location, I will send Rune after her. Meanwhile, I will board the helicopter and escape."
A normal person would ask, 'why are you telling me this?' Emma didn't need to. Nor did she need to ask the followup, 'why me?' Instead she just said, "Rune's my friend. I don't feel good abandoning her."
"A necessary sacrifice," Kaiser said evenly. "Fenja may be able to slow Annatar a little, but Alabaster certainly can't. Either way, she'll arrive too quickly if they face her without support. Rune will buy us the time we need."
He believed it, every word. Emma couldn't even hate him for it—after all, hadn't she been the same not four days ago? Emma nodded. "Okay. You want me to go tell her the plan? Her part of the plan, I mean?"
Kaiser met her eyes. "In a moment," he said. "Oracle, you may not have formally completed your initiation, and you are certainly young, but this bears saying—you have proven indispensable to this organization. Your insights have given us the edge we needed to stay afloat in this environment." His gratitude, mingled with the sour tendrils of utilitarianism, almost made Emma sick. "That is why I want you with me, wherever we end up touching down. We will need to rebrand, fully recreate our identities—but Annatar has better things to do than chase down two stray capes, and your power will let us stay ahead of any searches she does send out. We will endure this."
He didn't have as much hope as he was projecting, but there was a glimmer of it in his breast, shining like a spark of flame in the cold. The plan might fail, yes—but it might work, and although he would lose his fortune, his gang, and his children, he would survive. There would be time to rage about the losses later—for now, Kaiser was content with that.
That optimism, that ability to see the silver lining, was almost admirable. It wasn't enough to make Emma feel guilty. She had much worse sins to regret. "I know," she lied. "Thank you for looking after me, Kaiser. I appreciate it."
He smiled thinly. "You're quite welcome," he said. "Now, go fill Rune in on her version of the plan. Bring her to my office below the penthouse, with the large windows. It will give her a quick way to the fight."
Emma nodded. "Okay. I'll see you there." She turned and walked to the elevator. In the polished steel of the door, she saw Kaiser's reflection turn back to his paperwork. She positioned herself so that she was between him and the buttons, and then pressed the 'up' button.
The elevator dinged as it arrived. She stepped in and tapped the only button for a floor above the penthouse. The door closed, the elevator rose one floor, and Emma arrived on the roof.
She crossed to the faintly shimmering helicopter on the large helipad. She had watched Auxiliary work often enough to know how his power worked—she saw the reasons behind each modification he made.
To the untrained eye, Auxiliary seemed to add individual modifications to existing technology. In fact, all of his tinkertech was centralized—he often took extra care to conceal that fact, since it meant that one well-placed attack would shut down every modification he had made to a piece of equipment. He might create a car that could shoot lasers, fly, teleport, and turn lead into gold, but every one of these mods was operated from a central core somewhere on the vehicle. Find that core, and the entire vehicle could be disabled.
Emma examined the latticework of cables running along every surface inside and outside the helicopter. It was well hidden, but she knew what she was looking for, and soon she found the place where the cables converged. She popped open the hidden compartment carefully.
The heart of Auxiliary's tinkertech looked like a car battery more than anything else, albeit one with elements that glowed and crackled with power. Emma covered her hand with her sleeve and carefully reached in.
She couldn't be certain—every piece of Tinkertech was subtly different—but Auxiliary's cores always tended to follow the same principles. They hinged on the correct alignment of a crystalline diode… here. It was carefully fastened into place to prevent it from loosening during operation, which might cause a destructive power surge through the machine.
Emma deftly unfastened it and then closed the panel. For a moment, she leaned against the side of the helicopter, breathing heavily.
It's done, she thought. I've betrayed the Empire.
That thought wasn't as sweet as she'd hoped it would be, but she'd had a feeling that would be the case. She didn't think any betrayal, even one that was as unambiguously good as turning on Neo-Nazis, would ever make her feel anything but sick ever again.
That was alright. It didn't need to. She would, if all went well, not be feeling much of anything after tonight.
She ran a shaking hand through her red hair. Ginger fibers came away with her fingers. Her hair had thinned in the past few weeks, and that had only gotten worse in the past four days. 'Stress,' said her therapist—the one she only went to because her father and Anne insisted. Emma supposed that, if fear, horror, and shame all fell under the umbrella of 'stress,' she wasn't even wrong.
For a moment, Emma entertained a wild thought of calling Anne and telling her what she was going. Her sister—her Protectorate sister—would be proud of her. It was the first time Emma had done anything she felt was deserving of pride in a long time. It would be nice if she could hear someone expressing that pride. And it would be nice to leave Anne with something good to remember her by.
Emma let out a shuddering breath and turned away. She took the elevator down several floors to the ninth floor, where Rune's 'office'—or, more correctly, the little apartment Kaiser had set aside for her after her uncle was killed—was located. It seemed only seconds before she was at the door, raising her fist to knock.
Rune pulled the door open almost at once. Emma could see the nerves and anticipation practically leaking from every pore. "What's up, Emma?" she asked. "Kaiser need me for something?"
Emma swallowed. "Yeah," she said. "He wants us to meet him in his office. Mairë—Annatar's probably going to attack in an hour or so. I'll explain while we walk."
Rune nodded, slipped her hood over her head and followed Emma out of the room. "We still splitting up?" she asked. "I heard Krieg was going to set up somewhere else, try to lay low."
Emma nodded. "Kaiser wants to preserve some structure to the Empire if everything goes belly up," she said. "Krieg and Cricket are setting up for that. Alabaster and Fenja are on patrol at our perimeter. The three of us—you, me and Kaiser, are their backup for when Annatar shows up."
Rune grinned, baring white teeth. "Can't fucking wait."
The elevator began to rise. Emma felt as if she was leaving her stomach behind on the ninth floor. "Yeah," she said quietly.
"Hey, chin up. We can do this! There's only one of her. Sure, she has other Wards, but we can deal with them." Rune put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It'll work out." Emma looked over at her and saw what she wasn't saying in the shadows of her eyes: It has to. I can't go back to juvie.
"Janice," Emma said quietly. "Can you… do me a favor?"
Rune raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"
Emma wanted to say, Come with me! We're in the wrong! Help me make things right, for once! Don't get hurt for a lost cause as awful as this one! But all that came out was, "Hang back a little in the fight with Annatar. Leave yourself a way out. Just… just be careful, that's all." And as the words left her lips, Emma hated herself a little more.
Rune grinned at her, almost sadly. "I'll be okay, Ems," she said. "You don't need to worry about me."
"I do, though." Emma sighed. "Just try?"
"I'll try to be careful. Promise."
The elevator doors opened. Emma stepped out and Rune followed. As they approached Kaiser's office, Emma couldn't shake the dark knowledge that she had just shared her last conversation with her last friend.
Now
"Now, Oracle! They'll be up here in a moment!"
"I just need to get these files!" Emma called over her shoulder, shouting over the thundering propeller.
The files in question were essential intelligence on the Empire's relationship with Gesellschaft in Europe. She scooped them up into her arms. A loyal cape would be trying to keep these out of the Protectorate's hands. Emma just hoped they would find them quickly when they searched her corpse.
Kaiser growled furiously. "Fine, stay here! Best of luck in prison!"
Emma turned to see the Helicopter began to lift off. She wasn't on it. That was all right, in the end—it wasn't as though she had any particular plans that missing this particular ride would interfere with.
At that moment, however, Taylor and Sophia burst onto the roof. Taylor's armor shone like the sun-where Kaiser's was bright, hers was radiance itself. Emma's heart stuttered as she saw them. The rush of feeling, hot shame and frigid terror, threatened to drown her.
Then she noticed the shadowy wisps around Sophia as she stared up at Kaiser, and her fluttering heart stopped. "Wait!" she screamed. I was trying to help, not get you killed! Please, Sophia, don't go into the helicopter! You're here too early!
Sophia didn't even look at her, but Taylor did. Their eyes met, though Emma's were hidden under the mask of Oracle. The dark eyes, without even a flicker of fire, sent liquid ice down Emma's spine, but she held her gaze unbending, her whole body shuddering like a sapling in a hurricane.
Please, Emma thought desperately. Please, no.
Taylor reached out and grabbed Sophia's arm. Moments later, Auxiliary's power core failed. Electricity surged through the helicopter with a snap and a flash, and it fell to the roof with a crash. Kaiser was slumped over the controls, dead or unconscious.
For a moment, the roof was still. Sophia and Taylor stared at Emma, at Kaiser, at each other.
Emma considered just jumping off the roof. It would be easier than facing her two former friends now. But now that they were here, perhaps she owed them, at the very least, some closure, if there was any she could provide.
There was always tomorrow to die, after all.
Her hands were shaking as she raised them to her masked. It fell to the ground noisily as she raised her hands to rest on the top of her head. "I surrender," she said, her voice shaking. "I'll come quietly, Taylor."