Title and lyrics are from 'Secrets' by Wild Wild Horses.
Take Away the Darkness (All My Secrets Are Yours)
« Tame the wild nights
And all the demons I was hiding in my silence.
Scream out all the words you should have heard
That I let burn and never spoke since.
You've seen behind the smile I know it's time to let this go… »
This is it. The light at the end of the tunnel.
Jake is slowly walking past the different cells of South Carolina's jail, what has been is new 'home' for the past two months, eyes fixed in front of him, towards his freedom and more importantly the love of his life, who is not so patiently waiting for him to pass the front door, the very last thing separating them from one another.
She's glowing, is the first thing he notices from afar, with her wide smile and sparkling orbs staring back at him, surrounded in a halo of light probably coming from the window behind her, and he can't wait to finally be able to take her in his arms for as long as he wishes to, without some warden forcing him away from her during one of her (too rare) visits.
Each new step is taking him closer to being alive again.
But then all of a sudden a breeze of cold air comes brushing his skin, and he looks away only for a split second, and when he puts his gaze back on the woman at the other side of the corridor, he's met with a second pair of eyes he knows all too well behind her, and a grin that is nothing but terrifying as he shows him what he's holding: a knife.
Romero's threatening Amy's life.
Panic starts coursing through Jake's veins as she doesn't seem to notice the new presence next to her, her orbs and her whole attention put on him and him only, never letting go. It doesn't make any sense. Last time he saw him, Romero was still behind bars, menacing his own life. There's no way he could have escaped his cell.
And still, there he is.
He wants to warn Amy – to tell her to leave, but not a word goes out when he opens his mouth. And, when he tries to let her know with some gestures, she simply waves back, not understanding his signs correctly.
"Time to pay your debt," the criminal's voice suddenly echoes through the walls, and in his mind, taking Jake out of his attempts at saving the love of his life.
And just like that, the light is gone, darkness filling out the room instead. Amy's smile disappears, replaced by a grimace when her assailant stabs her, his knife breaking through the skin of her back before removing it instantly, leaving the woman bleed to death with a mischievous, victorious look on his face as he stares at his enemy.
Jake's first reaction is to try and run towards her before she falls on the hard floor, but he soon realises he can't move anymore.
He's stuck where he is, halfway between his old cell and the exit door, as helpless as he's ever been while he watches her lose her balance and wincing in agony.
He screams. Empties his lungs asking, pleading for someone to call 911, or at least do something, anything to try and save her when it seems like he's unable to do it himself, but they're all alone in there. Even Romero has disappeared now. There's only him, and her, and that door with its bars separating them from one another.
The pain crushes his chest and wets his cheeks as he lets himself fall in defeat.
The tears are all too real, when Jake finally opens his eyes, emerging from the horrible, vivid nightmare he just had. It takes him some time to understand where he is, adjusting to the new, less scary darkness surrounding him, heart still racing in his chest and breathing heavily. But when he does, his first reaction is to turn around in his bed.
A sigh escapes his throat as he comes face-to-face with the silhouette lying next to him. She's here, and she looks safe and sound. Still, he wants to touch her back, just to make sure she's not hurt and all of this was really just a bad dream, but he's stopped in his gesture as soon as he approaches her and sees her gaze on him in the dark.
He must have screamed for real too at some point, because she's already wide awake, watching him with a concerned look on her face. She doesn't complain, though.
Doesn't even say a word.
Instead, she simply reaches for his hand from under the covers, and gently intertwine their fingers together. "It's okay," she eventually whispers, skimming her hand up and then down his arm in a tender stroke, never breaking eye-contact with him. "I'm here. We're home. Everything's okay," she repeats the words in a soothing voice.
She knows what all of this is about. He's had the same nightmare for the past three days, after all – every time startling him up in sweat and tears.
It's been less than a week he's been out of jail for real, and though at first the adrenaline of being back prevented him from breaking down, he's now entered a bad phase, reliving the same dreams he had back when he was in prison and the Romero threat was luring upon him, from the instant he was asked to play the snitch.
He thought having Amy by his side would change everything. He thought the smell of home would scare those thoughts away.
But apparently it doesn't. Not yet, anyway. He's still haunted by those demons, hidden deep inside his soul, waiting for when he's at his most vulnerable, void of any distractions to go out again.
"Prison was hell, Amy," he sits down on the bed and tells her – and it's the first time he's not repressing his feelings and chooses to talk about them instead. His girlfriend never pressed him to share what he went through with her the previous nights, knowing well enough that he'd do it when, and if, he wants to. Which apparently is tonight.
She listens to him, to everything he has to say. She gasps, she reacts to the horrors he lived or witnessed, she holds onto him but she never interrupts him once. He keeps his gaze on her as he speaks, as if looking at her helps him go on, helps him remember all of this is over and behind him. Behind them both.
Because she didn't tell him, didn't want to bother him with it when he had to deal with his own problems, but he knows all too well his time away didn't affect only him. He saw it in the way she she's not so reluctant anymore when he forces her to remain in bed after her three alarms go off in the mornings to snuggle up a little longer, or when she lets her gaze linger on him more than usual during dinner, small tears prickling in her eyes at the realisation that he's back home.
She had to spend two months alone in their apartment after all, wondering about how he's doing and missing him just as much as he missed her. She went through her own personal hell too.
Eventually he falls silent, having shared it all. Amy is crying in front of him, a few quiet salty pearls going down her cheeks, and he draws his hand away from the covers and up her face to cup it, gently removing them with his thumb before pulling her towards him and kissing her hair.
His heart is still pounding, Amy can sense it as she starts drawing some random patterns on his chest through his shirt with her finger. "Close your eyes," she offers then.
Jake wants to argue. He might feel slightly better now, but he's still afraid the image of her lifeless form in a puddle of blood comes back as soon as he does so.
She insists though, and eventually he obliges. There's a few seconds of silence after that, and then, all of a sudden, Amy's hand is in his hair, gently soothing its curls, and her humming voice fills the air. It's low, and in a language he can't understand – some Spanish, he can at least recognise that – but it happens, within a moment of listening and concentrating only on it, to be pretty relaxing, he has to admit.
It's something she's learned from her own mother, when she was younger and would suffer from another of her panic attacks – during those times, Camila would always hold her close and sing to her to take away the darkness that was eating her inside. And it did work. So, the brunette wishes she can do the same with her boyfriend now.
Never stopping what she's doing, or making him open his eyes again, she invites him to take back his place lying on the bed, finding her own spot against his side, with her head on his chest. On instinct his arm comes wrapping her at her waist to pull her even closer to himself, just as their legs tangle up together under the covers.
"I love you so much," he lets out in a whisper, pressing a kiss in her raven hair.
It takes some more time, but eventually, lulled by her relaxing voice, Jake falls back to sleep. Amy can hear and feel his heart beating slowly, evenly against her ear now. She doesn't close her own eyes just yet. Instead she quietly listens to his breathings, watching his now more peaceful face and wishing for it to remain like this forever.
She hates seeing the man she loves hurt, and being unable to help him other than by just being there and show him he's not alone anymore, waiting for things to eventually get better.
She knows they'll get there somehow, though. They already did it once, after Florida. And even if this is not quite the same, a different kind of pain… They can make through it a second time – as long as they're together.
"I love you so much too," she answers his words from before, and for the first time in three long nights, she sees his mouth move up in a smile in his sleep after that.