Chapter 5: Middle of the Night

Nightmares were not a common occurrence for Mika. She prided herself on her ability to sleep through the end of the world, a skill that was not shared with most people. But every night since she had the run in with That Guy, she found herself unable to stay asleep at night. It started with the early wake up the morning after, with her nights getting shorter and shorter as the days passed. She tried to use the time to be productive, deciding that this would be a week when she worked from home. Her boss emailed her halfway through the week, questioning why she was clocking in before five in the morning. She simply responded that she was trying something new, and left it at that. She was not close enough to her boss to tell him that she kept waking up in a cold sweat, with her heart hammering a million beats a minute.

After a week of barely sleeping, Mika was desperate to get some rest. She was exhausted as she laid down, her body aching with the fatigue from the week. She eyed the bottle of sleeping pills Elena bought her, but didn't reach for them. She didn't like how loopy they made her feel the next day. She turned over with a sigh, trying her best to get comfortable. After a while, she was finally able to drift to sleep.

Her night was dreamless at first, but then she found herself in a forest. It was dark, the trees towering over her like sentinels in the night. She knew she was lost, but she had no idea where she was trying to go. She also had the impending sense that something was chasing her. No, hunting her.

She tried to run. She could feel her muscles straining, feel her heart pounding. It was like she was trying to move through mud, and breathe under water. No matter how she pushed herself, she kept moving slowly. Branches from the trees reached out, wrapping around her arms and legs and waist and holding her back from escaping. Whoever was hunting her was getting closer; the back of her neck tingled with the feeling of being watched. Her eyes darted around her, but nothing but darkness stared back at her. Her focus was on reaching the tree line. If she could make it out of the trees, she would be safe. If she could make it out of the woods, she'd live.

The trees held on tighter. The air became thicker. She felt like she was suffocating or drowning or something. Her throat was closing. Her muscles were giving out. Her bones were breaking. She could hear footsteps behind her, moving unhindered through the brush. She pushed harder, trying to survive. The footsteps got closer. She could hear whoever it was breathing, feel as they materialized behind her. Sharp pains stung her shoulder as talons dug in, warm blood trickling down her arm.

She woke up with a choked scream, sitting straight up in her bed and taking in large gulps of air. She knew it was a dream, but it had been so intense. She couldn't remember the last time a dream felt that real to her, or lingered that vividly afterwards. She checked her shoulder, but the skin remained unbroken. She rubbed the back of her arm, trying to rid herself of the tingles still echoing from blood dripping down the back. The clock next to her read half past two in the morning, the angry red letters glaring at her from the nightstand. She let out a loud, frustrated groan, the sound amplified in her quiet apartment. She flopped back down on her bed, trying to get comfortable once again. She couldn't stay in a position for more than a moment, every attempt feeling wrong and uncomfortable. She gave up about a minute and a half later, throwing her pillow across the room and letting out another angry scream. The sound the pillow made as it hit the wall was much louder than she anticipated, which made her heart jolt and her breath hitch.

She looked back at her night stand, eyeing the bottle of sleeping pills. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad this time. Tomorrow was Friday, maybe she could just sleep in really late and they wouldn't put her on her ass for a whole day like last time. She picked up the bottle, the pills clicking against the side of it as she read the label. If she really had to, she could just work late. It would give her an excuse not to go out with her friends. The bottle promised gentle, non-habit-forming sleep, given she had eight uninterrupted hours available. Did she have eight uninterrupted hours available? She wasn't sure. She took a deep breath, putting the bottle back on her night stand and getting up from her bed. She didn't care what time it was, she decided she needed to exercise. She would just exhaust herself, then surely sleep would come.

She put on her brightest shirt and leggings, not wanting to hide in the dark from any drivers on the road. She picked up her headphones, but tossed them back down on the floor. She was being irresponsible enough going for a run this late at night, she didn't need to close herself off from her surroundings. Her shoes were by the door where she'd left them, ready and waiting. She slipped them on, grabbing her key and fob before walking out the door.

Mika tried to be quiet as she walked down the stairs, not wanting to wake up any of her neighbors. The walls were known to be quite thin, and the tall staircase carried sound rather well. Without warning, someone dropped down in front of her, landing surprisingly softly. She didn't bother looking, just screamed and sent her hand out in a punch. She felt her hand connect, but was unable to follow through with the motion. There stood Bucky, cool as a cucumber, holding her fist with his prosthetic hand. His face looked almost impressed.

"Not bad." he said.

"What the shit, Bucky?" she said, taking her hand back. It suddenly occurred to her that it hurt from connecting with his prosthesis. She let out a noise of pain, shaking it.

"You're angry." he said, looking confused. She didn't look at him, instead analyzing her knuckles for any signs of permanent damage. There were none.

"You know, you can't just drop down in front of people. It's fucking terrifying." she said, finally looking back at him.

His eyebrows shot up. She didn't know if he was shocked at her language or her statement. "I'm sorry." he said softly. He looked like he was in more pain than she was. She took a deep breath, calming her racing heart.

"I'm sorry for snapping." she said. She wanted to tell him it's okay, it happens, but her hand was still hurting and she still felt a little salty about it. He stared at her, as if trying to read her mind. She felt her anger starting to simmer again, the lack of sleep and frustration building up.

"Are you alright?" he asked. He still spoke in the same soft tone in which he apologized, his eyes showing his concern. Mika's anger dissipated. Sadly enough, he was the first one to ask that in the past few days, and look like he actually meant it.

"Not really." she said. It was the first time in the past week she'd answered the question honestly. She thought Bucky would know if she was lying. She felt the tingle of tears behind her eyes, but blinked them away. She kept talking, trying to distract herself from the emotions her fatigue made her feel. "I haven't been sleeping well. I think it's starting to take a toll on me. I was just gonna go for a run, see if it could clear my head. Maybe make me tired enough to sleep."

"It's the middle of the night." he pointed out. "It's not safe."

"Yea, well, I don't really have other options. Found out the hard way that the gym doesn't open until four-thirty." she said. There was a little more bite to her tone than she meant to have.

He stared at her, as if weighing his options. "I'll go with you." he said finally.

"That's okay, you need to get to sleep yourself." she said. Her mood swung from being frustrated to feeling guilty. She probably woke him. "I'll be fine."

"I was up. I could use a run." he said. He didn't show any sign of lying.

"You're wearing boots and jeans. You can't go for a run in that." she replied, gesturing to his outfit. He shrugged again.

"Could be worse." he said, turning and starting to walk down the stairs. "Let's go."

"You know, I've run in the middle of the night before on my own and everything was fine." she felt the need to tell him. After living by herself for four years, it was weird to have someone bring up her less than safe habits. It made her feel defensive. She wanted him to know that she could, in fact, take care of herself, given she had all her faculties.

"I'm sure." he answered, not even turning to look at her. She stuck her tongue out at the back of his head, following behind him down the stairs. She felt a little nervous all of the sudden, and wondered exactly how relaxing this run was going to be.

The air was cool as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. There was no one out on the street, which Mika was happy about. The night was clear, so they had light from both the street lamps and the moon to give them comfort. Mika relished in the quiet of the night; it was soothing compared to the whirlwind going on inside her head.

"How far do you want to go?" she asked him, shaking her legs out to warm them up a little bit. Normally she would stretch a little bit before she ran, but she felt self conscious with Bucky just standing there, waiting for her.

"However far you want." he replied. She perked an eyebrow. In the two months he'd been living there, she'd never once seen him exercise.

"Do you think you can keep up with me?" she questioned. He gave her a sarcastic grin, and actually let out a breath that could almost be considered a short chuckle.

"I know I can." he said shortly. He said it with such certainty that she faltered for a moment, but her competitive nature took over.

"Fine. You know the old library, about five kilometers from here?" she asked. "Let's see who gets there and back first."

"The point of me running with you was to stay with you and make sure you're safe." he said, his eyebrows coming together in confusion.

"C'mon, Bucky, where's your competitive spirit? Afraid you're going to get beaten by a woman?" she asked, trying to goad him.

"Not at all. I'm certain I would win, unless you're very good at hiding super powers." he said. His face looked like he was actually calculating the likelihood of the scenario. She let out a huff.

"You're no fun." she said. He didn't answer, but his eyes almost appeared amused.

"I thought you wanted to run?" he said after a moment, pointing down the road.

"Yeah, whatever." she said. She considered rescinding her idea, but they were already down here, and she didn't want to back out. He gave her a very small grin, gesturing for her to start. She made a face at him, then turned and started running without warning. She stayed ahead for a moment, but was surprised at how fast Bucky caught up. She also anticipated more noise from him, wearing his clunky work boots, but his footsteps were very close to silent on the concrete. She kept glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, but his face was stoic. As the kilometers passed and her breathing became a little more strained, he was still breathing evenly. As they reached the library and made a turn, Mika realized that she may have been way too fast to try and engage Bucky in any sort of competition.

He didn't make conversation as they ran, for which she was grateful. As they made their way back, the fatigue from the last week really set in. The adrenaline from her anger earlier had diminished, leaving nothing but her aching muscles and burning lungs. She was going much slower at the end than she did at the beginning, but Bucky stayed with her. He didn't seem frustrated at their pace, he didn't try to convince her to speed up or to slow down. In fact, if she matched his pace, it seemed to be the best thing for her tired body.

They finally made it back to their apartment building, the lamp post in front of it giving them a good finish line. Mika bent over, resting her hands on her knees as she took in great gulps of air. Bucky stood nearby, his breathing still slow and steady. She wanted to be mad, but noticed the hair around his face stuck to the skin with sweat. Maybe he wasn't breathing hard, but he did have to put some work into it.

"Feel better?" he asked. Mika stood up straight, trying her best to control her breathing.

"A little." she replied. She walked to the front door of the building, scanning her fob to unlock it. Bucky pulled it open, holding it for her and gesturing for her to enter first. She nodded her thanks, and began the trek up the stairs to the top floor. The silence seemed heavier inside the building, where there were no ambient sounds from nature to help soften it. Their footsteps felt like claps against her ears, their breathing like hurricane winds. Her very skin crawled at the exhaustion she felt. Even then, she had the sneaking suspicion that sleep was going to elude her.

She wasn't quite sure what to say when they reached the top of the stairs, but Bucky seemed perfectly happy to just go on his way without the worries of small talk. Mika wondered (not for the first time) what had happened to him in his life that made him this way. Interactions with him were always weird - one minute, he seemed to be stuck in his own head, ignoring the rest of the world. Another minute - well, he was going on ten kilometer runs with her in the middle of the night, just to be sure she was safe.

He waved goodbye, going to his door. She paused at hers, turning back to him.

"Hey, Bucky?" she asked. He turned quickly, as if she was going to ask him to spring into action.

"Yes?" he almost whispered. She wondered how a man that had obviously been through some shit could speak so gently. It was as if he had forgotten how to use his voice.

She panicked. She wasn't sure what she wanted to ask him. "Uh, the tea," she settled. "Is there anything in it besides nutmeg?"

He paused, gazing just past her as if he were reading the recipe behind her. "Honey." he said after a moment. "A little bit of honey."

"Thanks." she said. He nodded back, and allowed the silence to settle back over them. Mika couldn't handle the discomfort, and turned to push her door open.

"If you need anything…" he said. It was so quiet, she almost didn't hear it. Her eyes flitted back to his. He left the sentence hanging, but he was looking at her with a very serious expression. His hand was gripping his own doorknob very tightly, but he was making no other motions.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it." she said. She thought of thanking him for going running with her, but figured that would overdo it. He already looked strained with the interaction, so she gave him a smile and quietly slipped into her own apartment.

Her apartment was somehow even more quiet in her apartment than in the hallway. She strode across the small space, turning on her television in her room as she passed by it. She didn't know what was playing at such a late hour; it was some cooking show that she'd never seen. She turned her shower on, letting it get warm as she stripped off her sweaty clothes. She meant to toss them in her laundry bin, but left them in a pile on her bathroom floor. She stepped under the spray, letting the water wash away the dirt and grime and frustration. She was tired.

A different cooking show had started while she was in the shower, one that was a little more familiar. She picked her pillow up from the floor, tossing it back on the bed before climbing underneath the blankets herself. Now that she wasn't running, the air felt a little cooler. She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position so she could sleep. But everything felt just a little bit off.

After an hour of trying to fall asleep, she gave up and got out of bed. It wasn't in the quick, frustrated way that she did earlier in the night. This time she got up slowly, feeling defeated. She turned the television off as she walked by, resigning herself to just starting work for the day. She flipped the television in the living room on, but nothing was playing, the screen just asked which application she wished to open. She didn't notice the silence this time, as she was in the kitchen preparing the kettle. She put it on to boil, slowly moving towards the pantry. Her legs were like jelly from the run and the stairs.

Mika initially grabbed her box of black tea, but paused as she noticed the peppermint behind it. While she wasn't feeling sick, she almost felt hungover. She impulsively tossed the first box of tea back in and grabbed the last peppermint bag from the carton. She put the bag in her mug, and waited patiently for the water to boil. Once the kettle was almost screaming, she pulled it off and filled the cup. She tried to multitask by logging in to her work laptop while the tea was steeping, but every movement felt slow. She felt like she was wading through mud, with fog over her eyes. Glimpses of her dream from earlier resurfaced, but she shook the thoughts away. Only children got scared over nightmares.

She started up the most recent show she'd been watching on Netflix, but wasn't really bothering to pay attention. She pulled the tea bag from the cup and grabbed honey and nutmeg from the cupboard. She didn't know how much of either to mix in, but she did the best she could. It still didn't taste quite like the first time she'd had it, but it was definitely much closer.

Mika curled up on the couch, toggling the mouse on her laptop so she would stay logged in. She pulled a blanket over her legs, then settled into the cushions. The tea helped her feel warmer, and the quiet hum of the television was soothing background noise. She opened her current project, eyes glancing lazily over the code in front of her. There was a bug in the program she needed to find, but as she laid on the couch and her tea slowly disappeared, the letters and numbers started running together. Before she realized it, she was fast asleep, the empty cup still clutched in her fingers and the taste of peppermint lingering on her tongue.

By the time she woke up, the sun was past its highest point in the sky, and her laptop had long since run low on battery. She uncurled her legs, the muscles stiff from sustaining her position for so long. She sat up and stretched, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She hadn't intended to sleep this late, but she didn't feel bad about it. Obviously she needed it. Her stomach growled loudly, so she slowly got up and made her way to the kitchen. She was sore from her midnight run, but in a good way. It was the soreness from doing something, as opposed to the general ache from not sleeping. She popped a premade meal in the microwave, leaning against the island while it rotated around. She thought about making more tea, but decided that was too much work, and popped a coffee pod into the brewer instead. The microwave beeped just as she finished putting milk and sugar in her coffee, the mug dangerously full. She bent down to meet it at the counter, taking a sip to make the level more manageable. Her mouth burned from the hot liquid, but she didn't care. She needed the caffeine and the food.

With fresh eyes and more than a couple hours of sleep, it was easier to find the bug in her code and adjust it accordingly. She spent a few more hours working on the next part, trying to get a solid start on it before she reached her time for the week. It wasn't quite the way she wanted it when her timer dinged, so she made a few last minute notes on her ideas before logging out. She sat up straighter, pulling her arms high over her head to stretch again. Her meal earlier had long since given up, and once again her stomach was angrily alerting her to its emptiness. She checked the time; Elena would be coming over for their Friday Friend Fest in a couple hours and bringing food, so a sweet snack would have to do for now.

The refrigerator didn't offer her any appetizing options. The pantry was unhelpful as well. She saw a box of snack cakes, but was tremendously disappointed to find that Past Mika had finished them off and left the empty box behind. She tossed it in the bin, trying not to be too frustrated by it. Back in the pantry, the now free space allowed some graham crackers to surface. She gave a little bit of a grimace, picking up the box and fishing out a piece. It wasn't quite enough to satisfy her stomach.

Mika paused, her mind whirring. She went back to the refrigerator, and was happy to see she had a few key ingredients that she'd been hoping for. After punching a few buttons on her phone to get music playing through her speakers, she got to work. She had blueberries and sugar coming to a simmer on the stove while she crushed up a few graham crackers. Once the mixture on the stove was heated, she went and stirred it continuously, waiting for it to be the correct consistency. Once it achieved that, she moved it to the side. In her mixer, she put in some marscapone, along with more sugar and vanilla. She set the mixer to a fair pace, allowing it to beat the ingredients together while she melted butter to mix with the graham crackers. Ten minutes later, all her pieces were assembled, and she was ready to construct her snack.

She layered each piece carefully in a glass bowl, admiring her finished work. Elena always made fun of her - she could make desserts with ease, but attempting to make anything remotely savory usually ended with a fire extinguisher and an ashamed call for take out. She snapped a quick picture of the cheesecake, making a mental note to post it to Instagram later.

The kitchen window was open, allowing the breeze to bring the first signs of autumn into the apartment. She leaned against it, the setting sun warming her face despite the slight chill in the air. After the stress of the past few days - few weeks, really - it was nice to sit and breathe for a second. She looked down at the cheesecake to see that she was almost halfway through it, which was sad. The recipe was technically supposed to be for two people, but she usually had no problem polishing it off on her own.

She had a thought.

Before she could overthink it, she grabbed a second spoon and marched across the hallway. She had no idea if Bucky was home or not, but figured it was worth a try. Worst case scenario, more cheesecake for her.

Mika knocked on the door, then took a step back away from it. He seemed like the type who would need a little space. Silence answered her. She was just about to turn and go back to her apartment when she heard the creak of the floor next to the door. Bucky opened it, just enough to see out.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Your education on desserts starts now." Mika replied. She knew what he'd said before - that he wasn't really into sweets - but she'd also meant what she'd replied.

"No, thank you." he said quietly. She held out the handle of the spare spoon to him.

"Just one bite." she prompted. He looked at her as if she'd grown an extra head. She rolled her eyes, taking her own spoon and eating a scoop. "See, not poison."

"I don't really like sweets." he said. She continued to hold the extra spoon out to him.

"Humor me." she said. "I'm very stubborn, I can wait a long time. Just taste it, and I'll leave you alone."

She could see his fingers curling and uncurling. He was nervous. She wiggled the spoon at him, giving him a look that hopefully was as powerful as her grandmother's whenever anyone tried to insist they weren't hungry. After what felt like an hour, he reached forward and took the spoon. He didn't have gloves on; Mika thought wondered if this was the first time she'd seen his hands since that night. The metal one was hidden behind the door, whether because of function or because he didn't want her to see it, she didn't know.

"One bite." he said, as if this was the most difficult thing he'd ever dealt with in his life. He took the smallest bit from the bowl, which she was holding out to allow the maximum amount of space between them. Mika had never been good with personal space, as she was an affectionate person by nature. But she'd learned over the years that people feel more comfortable if she let them dictate the contact rules.

"Ah ah, you have to get a blueberry with it. That's the best part." she said, pointing at the fruit. Bucky gave her a dark look, but carefully added a blueberry to the spoon. He stared at it for a while, and Mika wondered if he really was worried about poison. Then, as if he was afraid it would disappear, he consumed the morsel with a decisive movement. She watched his face as he tasted it, but he showed no reaction and said nothing. "What do you think? You won't hurt my feelings, I promise"

He didn't say anything for a moment, looking like he was choosing his words carefully. "Too sweet. I'm sorry."

"Eh, maybe the next one." she replied with a shrug. The rejection stung a little bit, but she kept her smile as she waved. "Bye!"

She turned back to her apartment, trying to think of what she would have him try next. She knew it was probably weird to him, that she'd had him try her food. And it wasn't exactly a normal way for her to strike up a conversation with acquaintances. But she knew what it was like, to be all alone in a new city. And even if Bucky didn't mind being by himself, she was determined to have him at least feel comfortable with his neighbor. Worst case scenario, they continued to exchange short pleasantries in the hall. Best case scenario, maybe they could be friends.

She didn't lament his passing on the cheesecake for long. After all, that meant more for her. She was just about to sit back down at the window when a knock echoed through her apartment. She furrowed her brows, sneaking up to the door to look through the peep hole. There stood Bucky, looking awkward and nervous. Mika opened the door, a confused look on her face.

"Change your mind?" she asked. He gave her half a grin and shook his head.

"Your spoon." he said, holding the utensil out. He had his gloves on now.

"Oh. Thanks." she said, taking it from him. They stood there for a moment, trying to figure out whether or not to continue the conversation. Mika considered inviting him to join them for Friday Friend Fest, but knew Elena would pitch a fit at the idea. Luckily, Bucky saved them from the uncomfortable silence.

"See you around." he said, turning and starting down the stairs. Mika stood there for a moment, trying to absorb his quick departure. She decided not to read too far into it, figuring it was just another one of his quirks. With a half laugh at her own inner joke, she went back into her apartment, figuring it was time for her to get ready for the evening. She'd try to figure out her neighbor another day.