Tales of the Amber Vipers Chapter 203

Verina woke up with a start, grabbing at the sheets in a blind panic. Sweat coated her head to toe and her heart was pounding. Strange dreams faded from memory as her eyes began to focus, fleeting narratives of running through dark woods, hunting and being hunted in turn. It took a long moment for her to realise she was in her own bed, damp sheets clinging to her legs like tangled vines. Relief flooded through her at the sight, she was not walking the corridors of the ship, she was not engaging in strange behaviours. It was merely a nightmare, nothing more.

Dylun grunted as he rolled his head over, seemingly untroubled by her panicked awakening. Verina was glad of it; she had no wish to share her troubles. Nobody could know of her nocturnal wanderings, she would lose everything if anyone found out. Slowly she untangled the sheets and slipped out of bed. The floor was bitterly cold under her toes and she hastily skipped to the ablution alcove, passing her armour on its stand. Once inside she set the shower to prickly heat and stripped off before ducking inside to rinse the sweat from her body. A luxury on a starship, but one a high-ranking leader could afford.

It took long minutes and she scrubbed herself raw with a bar of caustic soap. She was not only trying to remove her dirt, she was trying to erase her memories. She longed to scour the dreams that plagued her, to scrub away the memories of waking up in odd places and the accusations that trailed her. She could not forget the last words of the reactionaries she had killed, the claim that they worked to her order. Explaining how she had found and killed them had been hard enough and she had kept their accusations from everyone. If true it would mean she was going mad, her soul wracked with insanity and hallucinations. But she refused to let that undermine her resolve, she would hold firm to her Emperess and cling to the thought of reuniting. Once bathed in that golden aura all troubles would be washed away, her soul would be whole again.

The walls were covered in mist by the time she was done. She stepped out and grabbed a towel, then began to dry herself. It was then that she realised someone was watching her. Very slowly she lifted her head and stared into the misty mirror and saw a blurry face staring back at her. This time she did not scream, she did not lash out or run, she glared at the other and hissed, "You shouldn't be here."

The other was blurry and indistinct in the haze but a voice without sound answered, "I am where you left me."

Verina yearned to punch the mirror and shatter the image but knew it was pointless as she spat, "I have nothing to say to you, you are a sickness and a malady, a symptom of my separation from the Emperess."

The other replied, "You know that's not true, you know who I am."

"You are not me!"

"And yet here I am," the other replied, "Always lurking in the corner of your eye, your constant companion."

"You are who I used to be!" Verina snapped, "Solemn, turgid and empty of joy. Enslaved to a corpse on a throne. I remember that life and it was so dull and grey. The Emperess showed me a greater life, one of glory and awe."

"You are bewitched by a liar, her glamour rewriting at your neurons. The pain you feel is withdrawal, like a drunkard lacking a bottle of rotgut. You rage and you thirst, a twin curse that gnaws upon the roots of your soul."

"Lies," Verina growled, "I am faithful and pure and will not be turned from my path. I fight not for myself but all humanity. The new ruler of Mankind is wondrous and shall lead us to a better future."

"Just like an addict, seeking excuses and justifications for their craving. You will say anything; embrace any deception if it means you can get your hit. Every action you take serves only your own selfish need. You grow weaker, while my strength returns."

"You can't replace me!" Verina spat, "You can't take this body back."

"I don't want to erase you, I want to destroy all you hold dear. In the quiet hours I am free to act. Your vile witch took everything from me and now I shall take all from her. The rage sustains me and I thirst for vengeance. When I destroy this ship and your cult she will be left a prisoner forevermore. Worthy revenge for all you have taken from me."

"I shall not trade barbs with a hallucination!" Verina snarled, "Begone and trouble me no more."

"You cannot get rid of me so easily, I see the weakness in your mind, the cracks and vulnerabilities. Your mind is crumbling and I slip by with ease. Your weakness shall be your undoing."

"Never!" Verina spat, "I will excise every vulnerability from my soul, shore up every wall and lock each door to keep you out. Anything that weakens my resolve shall I cast aside. You will never win."

Suddenly a gruff cry rang out and Verina blinked. The image in the mirror vanished, leaving only her blurry face behind. She wiped the mirror with the palm of her hand but no trace of the vision remained, only doubt and suspicion lingered. She turned just as Dylun poked his head inside and looked about asking, "Who are you talking to?"

"I… nobody, just myself," Verina admitted with unintended honesty.

Dylun stepped fully inside and said, "It's hard isn't it?"

"What?"

"To be separated for so long, to be away from her."

Verina paused to realign her thoughts and said, "Yes, we need our god back. I need her."

"I understand," Dylun sighed, "It hurts me too. I think we all ache with her absence, maybe that's why the dissidents go mad."

"The dissidents?" Verina blinked, "Yes… of course. They have lost faith that she will return, their wills are weak."

"We'll beat them," Dylun proclaimed, "No ragtag backsliders will stop us."

"I wish I was so confident, I worry they will distract us at this crucial time. Fighting a battle within and without would end us."

Dylun straightened as he declared "Let me deal with them."

"You?"

"I was a witch-seeker," Dylun reminded her, "I know how to root out hidden foes. Let me worry about the dissidents while you focus on commanding the ship."

"You'd do that for me?"

"For you I'd do anything," he replied.

Verina stepped closer in gratitude and slipped her arms around him. She felt the broad expanse of his chest against her forehead and took reassurance from his strong presence. He was a pillar of strength for her and a welcome reprieve from her toils, the time they had shared bringing her new distractions from the woes of life. She cared for him in a way she had never known she could, a door opening in her heart she had thought closed forever.

Dylun stroked her hair for a moment then asked, "Verina… who is the other?"

Verina froze in terror at the words and then stepped back gulping, "What… what do you mean?"

Dylun looked confused as he replied, "Just something you say in your sleep, like you're talking to someone."

Verina went very still as she probed, "I've been talking in my sleep, what do I say?"

Dylun shrugged, "Nothing much, odd ramblings, talks I don't follow. I know it troubles you…"

"Stop!" Verina barked, "Just shut up!"

Dylun looked hurt as he protested, "I only meant…"

"I don't want to talk about this," Verina snapped, "Forget everything you heard."

"I've upset you…"

"I said leave it," Verina hissed, "We're wasting time idling, when we should be acting. You need to get started rooting out those dissidents and I need to focus on our sovereign."

"Whatever this is we can work through it together," Dylun protested.

"Get out," Verina barked, "Get out!"

Dylun stared at her for a moment then turned and walked away. By the slump of his shoulders he was confused and hurt but would never admit it. He marched to his clothes and pulled on his trousers and jacket then walked out the door without looking back. Verina watched him go and felt a pang of regret at snubbing him so, but under that was a dark and treacherous thought. Dylun had heard her speak in her sleep, letting slip terrible secrets. He had heard too much, he was a danger to her. If he told Moryna of what he knew they would conspire to remove Verina from command and that meant she would never see the Emperess again. Dylun had just become an obstacle to Verina's course, one she could not afford to ignore. Yet to move against him was a thorn in her heart, she cared for him and that affection was holding her back. Her feelings for Dylun were a weakness.

In flash it hit her: the other had spoken of her weakness, her vulnerabilities and suddenly she knew what that meant. Dylun had been distracting her, leading Verina astray from her true mission. Their time together had turned her head and made her expose her heart. She cared for Dylun and that affection was an open door the other could slip through. Verina's heart hardened as she saw what she had to do. All weaknesses must be expunged from her soul, all vulnerabilities cut away. Dylun was a weight around her neck, one she had to get rid of. The choice before her was so clear, her lover or her sovereign, and that was no choice at all. For Verina to get rid of the other, she had to dispose of Dylun.

She stared at the door as the cold truth sank in and whispered, "All weaknesses will be eradicated, this I swear."