Chapter 26: Pull Me Close
Bucky wished, for the first time in a long time, that he could get drunk.
Not necessarily because he was nervous in this party situation - though he very much was, if he was honest with himself. But because everyone seemed to be having so much fun. The crowd in the pub started thinning out just before midnight, leaving a more manageable group that didn't make Bucky want to crawl out of his skin. He watched as they talked and laughed and joked, sipped his coffee as Mika and Elena twirled around on the dance floor. She occasionally took a moment to peel herself away, coming over to try and pull him onto the dance floor or lean against him for a moment's reprieve. He remembered a time, long ago, when he'd be right there with her. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel the warmth of the bar, smell the perfumes of the girls he danced with. Their giggles reverberated through him as he pulled them close to his chest, their makeup leaving peach and red smears on his white shirts. Some of these memories were hazy, but not because of the brain damage inflicted by the scientists. No, he got to relive these with the pleasant sepia glow formed by whiskey and a simpler time.
Surprisingly, Claire also stopped by for a short while to chat, sliding into the chair next to him and leaning in close. He wondered if she had trouble hearing, since she felt the need to decrease the space between them. He also wondered if she knew that her posture made it very easy to see down the top of her dress; women in general were less concerned about modesty these days, which was their prerogative, but he made an effort to keep his eyes on hers. That way, if she didn't realize her wardrobe dysfunction, then she would not be embarrassed later. She confused him further by asking if he wanted to have a drink at her place. Again, clouded memories of drunken nights past gave him an inkling as to her intentions, and he almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Almost. Somehow, he kept his face neutral, giving what he hoped was a polite smile and saying no, his friend was still here, he needed to make sure she made it home safely. Claire looked disappointed, but gave him a warm smile nonetheless, saying that she hoped to see him around again.
The clock was pushing one o'clock before Mika finally collapsed into the chair next to him, leaning heavily on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his. Her cheeks were red and her eyes bright, the little hairs around her face sticking to her skin with sweat. She looked so happy, it gave him a warm feeling behind his sternum. Yes, this is what her birthday should be all about.
"You're still here!" she exclaimed, though he could tell by her voice that she was getting tired. She looked at him with such affection that he had to clear his throat and look down at his empty coffee mug.
"Yes, I am." he responded. He wanted to give her some sort of sarcastic response, but none would come to mind. "Are you having fun?"
"So much fun." she said, dragging out her words. "But I'm so tired. I haven't stayed out this late in a long time. It's hard to stay up late! Especially when we get up so early to work out." She bolted upright at this, as if the realization just occurred to her. "Oh my God, we're getting up so early tomorrow! I'm gonna die!"
"I think we can skip tomorrow." he said, chuckling lowly at her theatrics. He already had a feeling that they would not be going to the gym in the morning, and a sneaking suspicion that his trip to the Farmer's Market would be solo. She let out a long breath, propping her cheek on his arm again.
"Okay good. Cause I would be useless." she said. Now that she was sitting down, her fatigue was setting in. She let out another sigh. "I'm ready to go home. Will you walk me home?"
"Yes ma'am." he said softly, and for a moment she looked like she was just going to fall asleep right there on that chair, head resting against him. But she pushed herself up with a groan, grabbing her purse and slipping the strap across her body and moving towards the door. She stopped by her friends, kissing them each goodbye before taking hold of Bucky's arm again and letting him lead her into the night.
It was warm and quiet outside, the silence a sharp contrast to the rowdiness of the pub. Mika slipped off her high heels, stuffing them into her bag so that she could walk unhindered. "You know," she said, after a block or so, "I think that blonde girl was very interested in you."
"Claire?" he asked, though he didn't know another blonde to which she could be referring. She made a noise that reminded him of his younger days, when the girls would joke with each other about flirtations and courtship.
"So her name is Claire?" she questioned, giving him a smug smile. She hugged his arm tighter. "Tell me more about Claire."
"I don't really know her." he replied, slightly confused. Obviously he just met her tonight, and he wasn't exactly the outgoing type. The only reason he knew her name was because she was more extroverted. "She drinks sidecars and thought it was unusual for me to admit I like wine. That's about it."
"Bucky!" Mika groaned, letting him fish his keys from his pocket and swipe them into the apartment building. "She was flirting with you!"
He had suspected as such, but didn't want to assume anything. "Perhaps she was just making conversation. Being polite."
"Maybe at the bar, but not when she came to sit next to you." she said, her words punctuated by huffing and puffing from climbing the stairs. She really had worn herself out dancing. "She was trying to show off in all sorts of ways for you."
"Oh, so that was on purpose." he replied. Even if he'd formulated this hypothesis earlier, he figured his response would irritate Mika. And that hypothesis was correct. She groaned again, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated manner.
"Bucky!" she said incredulously, almost chastising him. She was so appalled by his reaction that she nearly tripped on the steps, catching herself on his arm and pausing for a moment before righting herself. "Bucky, listen. Listen. Will you make me some tea before you go to bed?"
He laughed softly, shaking his head. She was so easily distracted when intoxicated. "Yes, I will." he replied.
"Good. Then I have plenty of time to tell you what a dumbass you are." she said, pulling away from him and taking a moment to lean against the railing now that they were at the top of the stairs.
"It's not very nice to ask a favor and then call me a dumbass." he pointed out, crossing his arms. His right one felt cold now that she wasn't hanging on it. She held up a finger, swaying slightly as she tried to make her rebuttal.
"It's my birthday, I can do whatever I want." she said, deciding that was the best choice of argument.
"It's past midnight, and therefore not technically your birthday anymore." he argued. He had no doubt that he was going to make her tea and hear all about his minimal interactions with a girl, but he couldn't pass up the opportunity to mess with her. She pushed off the railing, going to the door and spending way more time than usual trying to find her keys in her bag.
"We haven't gone to sleep yet, so it's still today." she replied, still rummaging in her purse. She made a triumphant noise as she pulled the keys from the depths of the handbag. "And you have to be nice to me today, it's my birthday."
"I know. That's why I'm making you tea." he said, following her as she unlocked the door and strutted into her apartment. She hopped up onto the kitchen counter, swinging her legs as he grabbed the kettle and put it on to boil.
"That's right. Cause you're like, by far the nicest friend I have." she said, smiling at him tenderly. "Which brings me back to Claire."
"I'm not sure how those two are related." he said, turning and leaning against the opposite counter from her. Now that they were no longer in public, he could tuck his glove into his pocket and roll up his sleeves. July was nearly here, and the heat with it.
"Because you are so sweet and wonderful and you deserve to be happy!" she rambled. His heart pulsed painfully. No, he didn't deserve happiness. But that was not a conversation that they were going to have right now. "That girl was so into you!"
"Nah." he said, shaking his head. She made a loud noise of frustration, laying back on the island and covering her face with her hands. She called him a few choice names under her breath and sat back up, fixing him with a serious glare.
"Yes she was! Trust me, I know all the signs. And she definitely wanted to get to know you." she said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. He shook his head, dropping his eyes to the laminate flooring.
"She did invite me back to her apartment." he admitted, looking at her from under the bill of his baseball cap. Her jaw dropped, her shocked face comically dramatic. She shook her head and blinked rapidly, her mouth opening and closing like a fish.
"What?!" she said, her voice high and sharp in exclamation. "And you didn't go with her? Bucky!"
"Didn't think it was a good idea." he said with a shrug. It was true. The night on Mika's couch was the first time he'd spent the night (literally) with a woman since before the Fall. He was in no position to spend the night (figuratively) with a woman. She dropped her head into her hands, letting out a long, drawn out grumble.
"Bucky. Listen. I'm gonna ask you a personal question. Like, really personal. Are you ready?" she asked. His heart immediately plummeted into his shoes, and he had to stop himself from immediately bolting. His mind whirred with possibilities of questions she could ask him; she'd been brave enough to ask about his metal arm earlier, and now she was under the influence of alcohol. She could ask about where he got his training, about his past before Bucharest, about his scars or the experiments or- "When is the last time you got laid?"
He let out a bark of a laugh and then promptly started choking. Of all the questions he thought she might ask, that was at the very bottom of the list. He quickly did the math in his head, but didn't dare to speak the number aloud. At least, not right at first. "It's, uh, it's been a while."
"'A while'? What kind of 'while' are we talking about?" she asked. Again, he fidgeted and shifted, looking anywhere but her weirdly calm and unblinking gaze.
"Uh, seventy-four years. Give or take." he admitted, waiting for her reaction. She stared at him for a long moment before giggling. The giggles quickly turned into full on laughter. Clearly, she thought he was kidding, even if he was being completely serious.
"Wow, okay then." she said, trying to calm herself down enough to speak. He grinned, her glee contagious, even if what she was laughing at wasn't actually a joke. "So it's been a minute."
"It's been a minute." he agreed, making her giggle again.
"Okay okay okay, so you just gotta get your confidence up a little. Get back on the horse, so to speak. Or let the horse get on you, if that's what you're in to." she said, tucking her feet underneath her and pushing her skirt down so she wouldn't be putting on a show. He could feel his cheeks as the blush crept into them, the back of his neck feeling hot.
"I don't think so." he said with a hushed laugh. Mika certainly always had such faith in him. And while he remembered really enjoying sex at one point in his life, he couldn't picture allowing himself to be that vulnerable now.
"And why not?" she asked, uncurling her legs again and sliding off the counter. She crossed her arms across her chest, and again her steady gaze made him nervous. He certainly couldn't tell her the truth here, and tried to think of any response that wouldn't lead to further questions.
"Don't think anyone ever wanted to sleep with the Tin Man." he said, waving the fingers of his metal hand. Even if he ignored the whole super-soldier-brainwashed-assassin bit of his life and the post traumatic stress tendencies and the mild paranoia, he still did not think anyone would be interested once they saw his prosthesis and scars. Mika stepped closer to him, putting her hands on his cheeks and leveling with him. He stood extremely still, waiting for her next move.
"Bucky you are handsome and funny and smart and any woman would be lucky if you gave them the time of day, let alone let them get into bed with you." she said, patting his cheeks. He still felt paralyzed, both by her words and her closeness. Her proximity didn't make him uncomfortable, but her compliments did. "You gotta be confident. You're awesome, and you should just like, do whatever you want, you know?"
"Thanks, Mika." he said softly. He didn't understand how she could feel so positively about him, but he stopped trying to find reason in it. Maybe he should stop overthinking things and just take her words at face value. She gently tapped his cheeks again.
"You're welcome." she said, smiling. She cocked her head to the side. "Can I give you a kiss?"
"What?" he asked, more shocked now than he'd been through the entire conversation. A kiss? Why would Mika want to kiss him? She cackled at his reaction, shaking her head.
"Oh my God, just to get it out of the way." she said, still laughing. His face must still be showing his bewilderment, because she proceeded to elaborate. "You said it's been a while. So this can just be a little practice."
"Don't need practice." he said, trying to give some false bravado. Really, he was just trying to deflect, and he was fully aware and unashamed of that.
"Kissing is a skill just like any other, you need practice." she said matter-of-factly. "Besides, then you wouldn't be so nervous the next time a cute girl at the pub asks you to come home with her."
"Don't know if that's the limiting factor." he deadpanned. A year ago, he wouldn't even consider this. But now, after all the time he'd spent with Mika, the thought of relationships with people (platonic or otherwise) seemed a little more attainable. He knew he would never be the man he once was, but now he really felt and believed that he could be a new man, a different man. Mika rolled her eyes again.
"Always so dramatic." she said, shaking her head. "Come on."
Fuck it. "Alright, lay it on me." he said, though he felt like he had ants running through his veins. She grinned happily, giving him no time for preparation before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. Her skin was warm, and soft, and his senses were flooded with the scent of flowers and the taste of tequila. It was over before he knew it, Mika backing up and sitting back on the island with a self satisfied smirk.
"There you go. Over and done with. Now next time Claire asks to spend a little time with you, you'll be ready." she said, shaking her shoulders in a little shimmy. Behind him, the kettle started whistling, giving him a good excuse to turn away from her and maybe hide the flush on his face.
"Full of shit." he muttered. He didn't really intend for her to hear it, but she did, and laughed at him once again. He went about mixing the honey and nutmeg into the hot water, dropping in the peppermint tea bag to let it steep. His lips still felt the ghost of hers. It had been so long since he'd been physically close to someone like that, but just like with her hugs and when she linked their arms together, he found he didn't mind it. Perhaps she was right. He wouldn't make any immediate moves with anyone for anything more intimate, but he could see the possibility was there. He handed the mug to her, his heart rate and core temperature returning to their normal.
"Thank you," she sang, taking the cup and carefully setting it down next to her. She held her hands out to him, making grabbing motions until he carefully laid his palms against hers. Mika was affectionate enough when sober; it seemed this quality was amplified when drunk. She pulled him closer so that their hands were resting on her knees, her feet grazing his legs as she swung them back and forth. He didn't like the way her hand felt on his metal hand, but knew that she was not going to let it go. "And thank you for staying out tonight. I know you don't like being around a bunch of people, but I am so happy that you were there."
"Of course. Thank you for having me." he said softly. She let go of his hands, only to hold her arms out for a hug instead. He hesitated for just a moment before stepping a little closer, standing between her knees and putting his right arm around her waist. She rested heavily against him, laying her head against his and sighing.
"You're the best. This was the best birthday ever." she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder. She held him close for a long time, longer than she ever had before. Oddly, he wasn't uncomfortable, though at one point he did wonder again if she fell asleep. But soon she sat up straight, giving him his personal space again. "And now I'm being that annoying overemotional drunk friend."
"You're fine. I've dealt with much less pleasant drunks." he said. He'd remembered more days with the Howling Commandos - though less about the missions, and more about the times in between. She tapped his chest lightly, and he moved out of the way so she could return to the ground again.
"Well thank you for indulging me and also being so sweet." she said, grabbing her tea and carefully holding it with both hands. "I'm going to crawl in bed and drink my tea. Oh! Do you want to go with me?"
"To bed?" he asked, one eyebrow perked. He chuckled at her alarmed expression as her words finally registered in her brain.
"Oh my God, I meant to the Farmer's Market tomorrow. I just forgot to say it out loud." she said, her cheeks tinged pink. She shook off her chagrin, choosing to ramble some more instead. "Though, I would trust you to share a bed with me. You're very trustworthy. I don't invite just any of my friends to bed. But that's not the point. The point is we're going shopping in the morning. So text me when you wake up."
"You won't be awake when I wake up." he pointed out. She paused, but then shrugged and nodded in agreement.
"Fine. Text me when it's a normal people hour. Goodnight!" she said, turning on her heel and walking towards her bedroom. Bucky shook his head, letting himself out and going across the hall to his own apartment.
The kiss they'd shared was certainly groundbreaking, but he found it didn't shift things as much as he thought it would. As more time passed, it became just another fact and less of an unusual happenstance. Mika had certainly not been shy about it or embarrassed by it, so he didn't feel the need to be either. It seemed that Bucky was even more open to physical affection than he realized.
Summer was officially in full swing, and Mika was loving it. She loved the warmth, loved the long days, and even loved the surprise summer showers that left the world smelling of wet concrete and grass. Gone were the days of hiding amongst layers of thermals and flannels, and now she could live freely in her shorts and tank tops and cotton summer dresses. Her windows were permanently open to the summer breeze, and it was easier to wake up earlier on the weekends to go to the gym with Bucky if the sun was already waking up as well. But today's workout would be a little tougher than usual. There was a sign at the front door, telling them that the gym was indeed open, but that there was no air conditioning. Apparently, it wouldn't be fixed until the afternoon.
"We can wait." Mika offered, shrugging. She didn't have any other plans for today. Besides, maybe they could go get breakfast at the new bistro a few streets over instead.
"I need to be at the pub at three." Bucky replied with an apologetic look. She nearly smacked herself on the forehead. She was still getting used to the hours of his new job, the change after nearly a year of knowing him throwing her for a loop.
"Right. Of course. Well then, guess we'll just be a little sweatier for the market, huh?" she said, pulling the door open. It wasn't terribly warm inside, but the air was very still. She wondered how long they would last today before the lack of circulation was too much for them. It was even quieter at this early hour than it was in the winter; the old ladies that usually pedalled the recumbent bikes had moved their party to the pool now that the weather was warm. But even though they were alone, Bucky insisted on using the enclosed group exercise room. Mika didn't mind; there were plenty of clocks to keep track of the time, and she could use the mirrors along the wall to check her form as they sparred. She had yet to get him to actually fight back during their sessions, but she could at least land a hit here and there. The self defense stuff had been great, but this was fun, and often left her feeling like they'd had a real, intense workout.
About twenty minutes in, it became apparent that it was much more than "mildly warm" in the building. She'd tried three times to tie her hair into a bun on the top of her head before it finally stuck, the sweat holding it up. Bucky had even abandoned his baseball cap and pushed his sleeves up, sweat soaking through his shirt and dripping from his long hair.
"We might have underestimated the heat." he said, hands on his hips. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to get the long locks to stay back. She pulled the hem of her shirt up, wiping her cheeks and neck.
"No, we're good. This is fine." she said, trying to fan herself with her shirt. The fabric was sticking uncomfortably to her skin. "It's just extra intense. Working on our bikini bodies."
"On our what?" he asked, looking confused. She gestured to her torso.
"You know, swim suit. It's summer." she replied. Another moment where she forgot Romanian was not his first language. She saw as the light turned on in his mind.
"Oh, right." he said, as if it were something he'd forgotten about. Of course, he had probably been busy the past few years and didn't spend much time at the pool. She kept fidgeting with her shirt.
"I'm not gonna lie, I'm about to have to take this off. What about you?" she asked pulling at her sticky shirt. He nodded, seeming like he was agreeing with her. He gave her a cheeky grin.
"Are you just trying to get me to take my shirt off again?" he questioned, though he was pulling at his shirt as well. She scoffed, pulling her tank top off and drying some of her sweat. She was glad she put on the black sports bra this morning.
"You will never let me forget that, will you?" she said lowly, shaking her head and flinging her damp shirt at him. He easily caught it, making a disgusted face before tossing it next to their stuff. "Are you saying that, if you randomly showed up at my door to find me shirtless and sweating, you wouldn't be momentarily distracted and-or concerned?"
"Perhaps." he said with a shrug, finally giving in and peeling his sweaty shirt off. He balled it up and threw it at her, the fabric spreading back out during its flight. She squealed, batting it away before it could land on her. He chuckled lowly as she glared at him. "Good reactions."
"I swear." she said, stepping towards him purposefully. She smirked before engaging him again, continuing their sparring from earlier. It was definitely easier to move now that she wasn't hindered by the overly soaked clothing. Sure, she couldn't yet keep up with some super special forces guy, but she definitely felt confident enough that if something happened and Bucky wasn't there, she could take care of herself. And that was what mattered.
She was doing better than usual today, though, and she had the lack of air conditioning to thank for that. With the extra sweat, Bucky's hair was sticking to his face and falling into his eyes, adding an extra hindrance for him. Now he had to dodge her punches and the sharp strands that kept threatening to blind him.
"Fuck." he whispered, backing off from her attack and flicking his head, trying to get his visibility back.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?" she asked, trying to catch her breath. No matter how often they did this, it never seemed to get easier on her cardio. He shook his head.
"No, you're good." he said, and even he was breathing a little harder than usual. He gestured to the current issue. "Just having some extra trouble here."
"Your hair is getting super long." Mika agreed, calling a time out and walking over to her bag. She dug through it for a minute before emerging victorious with a black hair tie. "Come here. Do you ever think about cutting it? Or are you growing it out?"
"Don't know. Didn't really occur to me till now." he said, moving towards her. She went behind him, running her fingers through his hair and gathering it together.
"Well if you want, Maria is a hair stylist. I always have her do mine. I can ask if she can cut yours too next time she comes over. Oh!" she gasped as a thought occurred to her. Bucky pulled away, the working bun falling apart as his eyes scanned the area for any possible threats. Mika grimaced; she hadn't meant to startle him. "Sorry, sorry. Just thought of something."
"What?" he asked, and she couldn't stop the Cheshire grin from forming.
"You'll see." she said, gesturing for him to turn back around. He eyed her suspiciously, but did as she asked. She hummed one of her new favorite songs, carefully piecing and folding chunks of his hair over each other until it was arranged into a perfect French plait. She tied off the end with her extra band before taking a moment to admire her work. "There we go. Check it out."
Bucky cautiously turned, going to the mirrors and gazing at his reflection. He turned his way this way and that, taking in the braid from every angle. He gave her a low chuckle, which she expected, but then he kept laughing, the volume raising until he was doubled over and tears were leaking from his eyes. Loud peals of laughter echoed through the exercise room. She'd never heard him laugh so loud before, and his amusement was contagious. Out of all the sarcastic comments and dirty jokes, it was a braid of all things that had done him in. She found herself giggling as well, though more at his reaction than anything.
"I look ridiculous!" he exclaimed, his voice an octave higher and his accent dropped as he continued to laugh.
"No, you look great!" she replied, though she couldn't hold herself together either. Her stomach hurt from laughing with him. He started to quiet down, but started laughing again every time he spotted himself in the mirror. It took a good few minutes before his chuckles subsided, and even then he was still grinning. Mika walked over to him, tugging the tie from the end of the braid. "It looks good, but I'll just put it up in a little man bun for you."
"It's very beautiful, but I don't think I can pull it off." he said, holding still as she undid the plait and instead just pulled it into a messy bun at the back of his head.
"Oh, I think you can. But if you think you look ridiculous…" she left the statement hanging, finishing her work and stepping away. "There. Now we match."
"Perfect. Thank you." he said, letting out a few more laughs and shaking his head. "Perhaps I should ask Maria for a little trim."
"I don't know, the long hair is very trendy right now. You'd make an excellent hipster." she said, going back to the center of the room. He moved his head around more, testing the integrity of the bun.
"If I'm honest, this is very convenient." he said, seemingly surprised by the outcomes. She gave did a little shake with her shoulders, looking very proud of herself.
"You know me, functional and fashion forward." she said, standing in a power pose with her hands on her hips.
"And full of shit." he said, making her jaw drop.
"Rude." she said, crossing her arms over her chest. He gave her a challenging grin, gesturing towards her.
"Do something about it." he replied. She got that mischievous glint in her eye, taking him up on his invitation and beginning the fight.
Now that he was unhindered, the games could begin again.
We've got some movement here! Even if they're not together yet, we at least have a kiss! Thank y'all so much for every review and fave/follow, they literally fuel me. I love that this brings y'all a little bit of happiness, cause it is certainly my life blood.
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! Hope you enjoyed it!
-XM