Many thanks to BeaconHill for betareading.
Constellation E.1
There was no body to bury, but that did not stop us from having a funeral.
Leviathan helped us find those parts of Sophia's costume that had been washed away by the surf. I brought them back to Brockton Bay, where I built a small marble mausoleum, like a stone casket laying among the grasses of the graveyard. The cemetery was outside the city, on a hill to the south. In the distance I could see the ocean behind the white tomb, waves gently lapping against the shore.
The sun was bright today, without a cloud in the sky. I tried not to resent that.
There weren't many people assembled here. The Ring-Bearers and a few close friends and family, no more. We had all been catapulted into celebrity by the battle, but Dragon and the PRT's Image department had managed to control things enough to give us this privacy.
The tomb lay open, its engraved stone lid resting on its side. Within the casket I laid what remained of Sophia's costume, which had been repaired to close the hole in the torso. Upon the chest I laid Amauril, and in the palm of the left glove I placed Cenya, still glittering faintly in the sunlight. Raumo and Alca I set beside the hips, near where they would have been sheathed.
I swallowed as I looked down at the empty mask. I had expected it to be harder, to be here without even a body to bury, but it somehow wasn't. I didn't have to look down at her and see her lying there lifeless. Even so, I swallowed painfully as I gazed into the empty eyeholes of her mask.
I stepped away. Colin rested his hand on my shoulder, squeezing tightly. I could hear the effort it took him to keep his breathing steady as he struggled to remain stoic. A few paces to my left, Sophia's mother was weeping openly. Her brother's jaw was clenched, eyes damp and unblinking. Even little Angela was staring at the grave, a look of bewilderment on her tiny face. Steven had not been invited. I gathered that he and Sophia's mother were no longer living together. It remained to be seen where that would lead.
To my right, the other former Brockton Bay Wards were gathered in a tight group. Dennis shook slightly in Crystal's arms. Tears were tracking down Dean and Chris' cheeks, but Sam and Missy's eyes were dry, if red. Carlos stood like a statue, tension in every line of his body. He seemed to feel my gaze and turned to me, dark eyes glistening, but no tears fell.
I looked away, turning back to the tomb. I looked past it at Olórin, whose eyes were sad as he studied me. I nodded once, tightly.
He nodded back and began to speak. "Today," he said, in his old, thoughtful voice, "we remember a hero."
I let his words wash over me as he continued. Dragon had asked if I wanted to officiate the funeral. So had Colin. So had Sophia's own mother. I had told all of them no. I wanted to mourn. In this one thing, I wasn't any different from anyone else. I wasn't a Maia, an agent of the Song, today.
Today, I was just a girl who had lost the one she loved.
"I never knew Sophia Hess," Olórin was saying. "But I feel the effects of her life every day. I am more grateful to her than I can say. She was not perfect, but by her example was the life of everyone who cared for her made brighter."
Mine certainly was.
"Sophia Hess, who was Tirissëo, had a strength that beggared imagination," Olórin murmured. "She overcame struggles and terrors the like of which would have broken even great Men. She was undaunted by things which would have set even other heroes weeping. When she was afraid, she turned that fear into righteous wrath. When her rage led her astray, she allowed herself to be guided by love. She committed errors, but never committed one twice. She is survived by her mother, brother, sister, teammates, and love. Many of these wished to speak." He stepped away and nodded to Carlos.
Carlos took a few short steps to the tomb and looked down as I had. He swallowed and looked at us, then looked back down at the casket. Though his words were addressed to us, he seemed to be speaking to the costume and artifacts in the tomb.
"I wasn't leader of Sophia's team for long," he said quietly. "But during that time I saw the most incredible transformation. When Sophia came to us, she was angry all the time. She lashed out. If she wasn't in a fight, she wanted to start one. Even at the time, when I didn't much like her, I had to respect her courage.
"And then someone else joined us." His eyes darted up to meet mine, then dropped again just as quickly. "Someone Sophia had once hurt. That person forgave her, and that made all the difference. It didn't happen overnight, but Sophia changed. Her anger sharpened—instead of being angry at the whole world and everyone in it, she turned her rage on people who hurt those she cared about. She was still a terror in a fight, but she wasn't constantly looking for a brawl. She was still maybe the bravest of us, but that bravery was tempered by trust in her teammates, and a love of life that she'd been missing before.
"And even when all of us went astray, even at our darkest moments, she never gave up on what she'd learned. She stayed true to the person she wanted to be and challenged us to be the people she knew we could be. It's taken a couple months for it to sink in just how incredible what she did for us was. She walked away from everything she knew, every comfort she was used to, because it was the right thing to do." He took a deep breath. His hand rested on the side of the casket, shaking slightly. "I hope I can live up to your example, Sophia," he whispered.
Next to speak was Sophia's mother. She staggered to the tomb, shuddering. She opened her mouth to speak three times, tears still streaming down her face, and each time cut off with a sob. Finally, staring down at her daughter's empty costume, she choked out two words. "I'm sorry."
Then it was my turn. I stepped forward again and touched the mask with my left hand. The One Ring glittered on my ring finger, and I knew I would never wear another Ring there, nor would I wear this Ring for another person.
I swallowed, took a deep breath, and began to sing. The song came to me from somewhere deep, like something half-remembered from ancient days, whispered on a distant wind.
"From the distant glades where the sky grows cold and bright by night or day
The North Wind comes riding over the shoreline spray.
'What news from the North, O mighty wind, do you bring to me tonight?
Have you seen Sophia the Strong by moon or by starlight?'
'I heard her voice in distant lands where snow falls late in spring.
I saw her stand by friends or lonely facing awful things.
But I saw not what came of her when she went West afar,
Ask of the West Wind what became of your beloved star.'
O Sophia! In dead of night I looked to the distant snow,
But you came not from the snow-capped peaks where no Men go.
"From Atlantic waves the East Wind flies from the long shores and the deeps,
The wailing gulls, the crashing waves, it carries as it weeps.
'What news from the East, O weeping wind, do you bring to me at dawn?
Have you seen Sophia the Far? For she has long been gone.'
'I saw her bringing light to places distant, cold and stark.
I saw her standing tall against the lurkers in the dark.
But then she Westward went away and far beyond my sight.
Ask of the West Wind news of them who follow the waning light.'
O Sophia from the hither shore I watched the waters wide,
But you were not returned to me with the rising tide.
"From across the mountains and the plains and the vastness of the land,
The West Wind comes marching from white shores far and grand.
'What news from the West, O glorious wind, do you bring to me today?
Have you seen Sophia the Bold? For she is long away.'
'At the Western Shore I heard her as she faced land, sea, and sky.
I saw her standing tall as Silence struck her down to die.
She passed then to the Utter West to be honored for all days.
Let Men and Elves and Ainur wise hold her in highest praise!'
O Sophia! With broken heart I ever Westward gaze,
Remembering that you will return upon the end of days!"
I bowed my head, tears streaming down my face, and fell silent. For a moment, the breeze and the faint weeping behind me was all I could hear.
Then Olórin touched my shoulder. "Let us lay her to rest," he said. I nodded and went to help. Together we lifted up the heavy marble slab and laid it in place over the tomb. Olórin Sang a soft melody, and the stone casket melded together until it looked like one block of marble, with no visible seam where the lid met the rest of the grave.
Upon the stone were engraved words in three languages: English, Quenya, and Valarin. It was possibly one of the first times in history that Valarin had been written in any form, for the original language was an entirely verbal one. I had been forced to coopt another writing system, just as I once had for the Black Speech long ago. Tengwar were not enough, as some of the sounds of the Ainur's original tongue had no analogue in the languages of Elves. In the end, I had Romanized the tongue, and used a slightly modified Latin alphabet for the transcription.
Here lies Sophia Hess
Beloved and Admired
Who lasted the Night
And brought the Dawn
Sophia's mother did not approach me after the funeral, but her brother did. His face was set as he extended a hand. "Mairë," he said. "Or do you prefer Taylor?"
"Taylor when it's personal," I said, giving his hand a shake. "Terry, right?"
He nodded. For a moment he seemed unsure of himself, though he had seemed like he had a plan for what to say when he approached. Then he gathered himself. "I wanted to thank you," he said.
"Please don't," I said.
He blinked.
"Sophia and I hurt each other terribly," I said, "then helped each other grow past that. Yes, I helped her climb out of the pit of rage and despair she was festering in when we first met. But when I did it, it was because she would be useful to me. She was the one who taught me to love someone other than myself, to care about people beyond their utility to me. I owe her everything I am today."
He swallowed. "I know a little of that," he said. "I just meant… I just wanted to thank you for being there for her."
"I wasn't always."
"Yeah, well…" he glanced over his shoulder at his mother. "We weren't ever."
I closed my eyes. I didn't have the energy for a proper grimace. "Do you want my forgiveness, Terry Hess?" I asked tiredly.
"I… no?"
"Good, because it wouldn't mean anything if I gave it to you, and I wouldn't anyway." I met his eyes. "Yes, you wronged her. Your mother wronged her. The less said about Steven the better. I don't know if any of you ever apologized to her while she was alive, and it's too late now. My forgiveness means nothing. You want to know what would mean something?"
His lips trembled. "What?"
"Even when she had all but given up on the rest of you," I said, "Sophia never left, because she wanted above all to protect her little sister. In her absence, you can take on that load. Look after little Angela. Make sure she knows that her sister was—is—a hero, and that she loved her with the ferocity of a lioness. If Sophia would have wanted anything from you, it would be that."
He took a shuddering breath. "I can do that," he said.
"Good." I nodded at him and then turned and took a step away. Then I met Olórin's eyes from across the cemetery. I froze. Then, jerkily, I turned back to face Terry.
"I'm sorry," I said. "That was unkind."
"Nothing I don't deserve," Terry said grimly.
"That isn't for me to decide," I said. "Regardless of what you deserve, you also deserve to mourn your sister. I can't defend her now, and I shouldn't be lashing out against other people who cared about her." I took a deep breath. "I don't forgive you, but I will eventually. And one day, Terry Hess, I hope you can forgive yourself."
His eyes closed against his tears. He gave me a jerky nod, then turned and stalked away.
I let out a heavy sigh. Then I turned away again. Olórin was no longer looking at me, but he was smiling.
I heard footsteps approaching as someone came and stood to my left, looking down at the casket. "Still can't believe she's gone," Emma murmured by my arm.
I nodded mutely.
Emma took my hand and squeezed it. "You'll be okay," she said.
"So will you," I replied, looking down at her.
A slow smile spread across her face. "I know," she said.