Chapter 36: Butterflies and Little Birds
Mika forgot how difficult it was to curl her hair.
Well, maybe it wasn't that it was particularly difficult. It was more that she wanted it to be absolutely perfect, which was really emotionally and physically taxing. She stood in her bathroom, still in just her bra and underwear, and wondered if she'd forgotten everything she knew about doing her hair. Six out of ten fingers had small burns on them, though they did not sting as much as her pride at this moment. Part of her thought the spirals probably looked fine, it was just that she'd been staring at them for too long. Surely that's what made them look wrong. She groaned, putting down the curling iron and picking up her phone.
"Alo?" Elena answered the video chat, her eyes widening as she made a suggestive noise at Mika's state of undress. She was already dressed with her hair done up, but only one of her eyes had makeup on it. "Oh, what kind of a phone call is this?"
"A panicked one." Mika said, perching on the edge of her counter. "I need you to tell me what's wrong with my hair. Something's not quite right."
"And why are you so concerned, hm? Want to look good for a certain someone?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows and shaking her shoulders.
"I mean...kind of, yea." Mika admitted. She couldn't hide her feelings from her best friend, though she wished she could; Elena had been going in full force trying to set up her and Bucky. Elena squealed at her confirmation, forgetting she had her phone in her hands and clapping them excitedly.
"Okay okay, let me see it." she said, settling down with a serious look. Mika carefully passed the phone around her head, making adjustments where Elena said. It really wasn't as bad as she thought, only requiring a couple of changes. Even then, it felt much better whenever she was finished.
"Thank you, El, you're a life saver." she said, letting out a breath of relief. With an unbiased seal of approval, her confidence definitely rose. Elena waved her off.
"Yes, yes, I know. See you in a bit, I've got to finish this work." she said, gesturing to the half of her face that wasn't made up. They said their goodbyes, blowing kisses at the screen and disconnecting the call. Mika braced herself on the bathroom counter, taking a deep, steadying breath as she eyed herself in the mirror. She didn't know why she was so nervous about tonight. After all, she and Bucky had just agreed to go to the wedding together as friends, and the word date was never used. It was to be just like all the other nights out. And yet, for some reason, it felt different.
She shook her head, bringing herself back to the present and pulling out her unorganized bag of makeup. This part she was definitely more confident in, and her hand felt much steadier as she carefully painted on the various products. Her timing was definitely cutting it closer than she would have liked, but it should be fine. She had plenty of time until Bucky would be calling on her to go. With her face done and her hair perfect, it was time for the ultimate decision - which dress to wear. She eyed her three options: the maroon one that arguably looked the best but was the hardest to dance in, the green one that was the most comfortable but a little less formal, and the black one that was classic and perhaps a little boring. She thought of calling Elena again, but figured that would take too long. She knew, any other time, she would choose the comfortable one. But if she was going to show off for her neighbor - whom she had painfully deep feelings for - and perhaps propose taking their relationship to a different level, then she needed to feel and look her best. She picked up the maroon dress, stepping into it and pulling the straps over her shoulders. She was just twisting her arm around to reach for the zipper when a knock sounded from the door. Shit, Bucky was already here.
She clutched the dress to her chest, making sure it stayed up as she walked to the door as fast as she could without running. She checked through the peephole to make sure it was actually him before opening up. Bucky stood with his hands in his pockets, dressed in slacks and a jacket and his customary baseball cap. He gave her a grin, perking an eyebrow at her.
"Not quite ready?" he asked, his voice as soft as his gaze. She was stunned for a moment by the sight of him, looking sharp and cleaned up. Except for the baseball cap, of course. That would have to go. She blinked, remembering that she needed to actually talk to him and not just oggle at how handsome he looked.
"Almost. I could actually use your help, if you don't mind." she replied, turning to present the open zipper of her dress to him. For a moment, he didn't move, and she wondered if she was being too forward, or if he didn't understand what she was asking. But then she felt his hand gently touch her back, the pressure light as if he were afraid to touch her fully. She held her breath, hoping that the zipper wouldn't be hindered by any weight she might have gained during the recent holidays. He slowly tugged the zipper up until it found its home between her shoulder blades, and she relaxed fully. Perhaps she'd overestimated her eating the past few weeks, as the dress felt more comfortable than the last time she wore it. "Excellent, thank you. Now it's your turn."
"I thought my zipper was up." he said, looking down at his trousers as if they had betrayed him. Mika laughed, shaking her head and pulling his baseball cap off. He made a reach for it, but she moved just fast enough for him to miss it. He gave her a serious look, holding his hand out. "Give it."
"Absolutely not. You can't wear a suit and a baseball cap. Come here, let me fix your hair." she said, reaching up and carefully combing his hair back with her fingers. He looked decidedly uncomfortable, though not by her closeness or her touch. He took her wrists, his touch so purposeful and controlled that for a second she forgot one of his hands was a prosthetic. He stilled her movements, pulling her hands down.
"I can't. I have to stay covered, in case...I can't be found. I can't risk my face getting online, I wouldn't want to put you in danger." he said quietly, his thumb lightly rubbing over the pulse point on her wrist just once. His eyes were locked on hers, and his face was so serious that she knew for once he was speaking the absolute truth as it was in his head. She nodded, pursing her lips and pinching her brows together in thought.
"That's a good point." she said, and his face said that he thought she was conceding the point. She gave him a smirk though, remembering something Maria had told her the week before. "But what if I told you that there were no phones allowed at the wedding?"
Bucky made a disbelieving face, looking at her like she'd grown an extra head. "That seems unlikely." he replied. Most people nowadays had their phones glued to their hands, which was all well and good to him. In his day, everyone had their noses in the newspaper. People would always be looking for distractions.
"It's true. Maria doesn't want phones and everything in the pictures, so they'll be in a little basket during the reception. Very progressive of her, Elena has already complained on three separate occasions about it." Mika explained, going back to fixing his hair. She bit her lip, trying to get it to stay exactly where she wanted it, but it kept falling to the side. She gestured for him to follow her, running back to her bathroom to grab a comb and a jar of pomade of unknown origin. She thought Nicolae left it at her apartment at some point or another, but she couldn't be sure. He looked uncertain as he stepped under the lights in her bathroom, eyeing her warily as she brandished the comb like a sword. She put some of the product in her hands, running it through his hair before taking the comb and slicking it back, using just enough product to make it stay in place. When it was all nice and in place, she stepped back with the smile and held her hand towards the mirror. "So, what do you think?"
Bucky's eyes took in his appearance, his jaw going slack at the vision. He raised a hand to his hair, touching it slightly as if making sure it was real. "I...I look like my old self." he said, a grin on his face. His hand went to the scruff around his chin, and he gave a quiet laugh. "Except for this, of course. Had to keep myself clean shaven."
"I have a razor if you want it." she said, pointing to the shower. Though, if she was honest, she liked the beard. He looked incredibly handsome in that moment, with his hair fixed and his suit on. Nicoletta had done a good job taking him shopping the month before. He smacked her hand down, his fingers lingering for just a moment before he let go.
"No time for that. We need to be off." he replied, reminding her of the hour. Her eyes widened, and she quickly moved out of the bathroom. She could hear him laughing behind her as she dug through her closet floor, looking for her black heels. When she finally emerged victorious, he was still grinning, hands back in his pockets as he waited for her. She slipped on her shoes and grabbed the small black clutch to match, stuffing her keys and phone into it.
"Right, right. How do I look?" she asked, holding her arms out and doing a little twirl for effect. He smiled as she completed her turn.
"Beautiful." he breathed, and his look was so serious that it made her heart skip a beat. She licked her lips, remembering too late that she'd put a stain on them. Good thing it was eat and drink proof color.
"Well thank you. You look amazing as well." she said with a smile, wondering a second too late if the compliment was too much. She meant it, of course, but she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. But he smiled at her this time, giving her a shrug.
"Did my best. You can't have a slob on your arm tonight." he replied, and the subtle reminder that they were going together was enough to make a kaleidoscope of butterflies erupt in her stomach. She raised her nose up, feigning arrogance.
"That's right. And you've cleaned up rather nicely." she said, smoothing the lapels and shoulders of his jacket. He smiled at her, nodding his head towards the door.
"Shall we?" he asked, holding his elbow out for her to grasp. She took hold of it, pulling her phone out and tapping the few keys to order them a car. By the time she'd pulled on her coat and they'd made it down to the sidewalk, it was at the curb waiting for them. He furrowed his brows as she led him to it.
"This is us." she said, making him pause despite the cold. She pressed her legs together, trying to keep the warmth close as he tried to get his mind around this.
"A car? The church is close by." he said, evidently confused. Mika didn't know if it was a logistical thing or a financial thing, but to her, it was a health thing.
"Bucky. I can't walk that far in these shoes and this temperature." she said, kicking one foot out to make her point. He tilted his head to the side, as if he'd not considered this.
"Right." he said, stepping forward and taking hold of the handle and pulling the door open for her. She gave him an impressed look, carefully sliding into the backseat of the car. She left enough room for him to get in as well, telling the driver their destination as he got in and got settled. It really was a quick drive, and she almost felt bad about getting a car for such a short trip, but she had no shame about avoiding the blisters on her heels and the hypothermia in the rest of her body. Night had just fallen when they pulled up to the church, the stars glimmering in the clear night sky. Usually the stained glass windows were dark at this time, but tonight they glowed, painting the sidewalk with their colors. They could hear the organ playing, even though they were still outside the walls, the volume increasing as they walked up the steps and Bucky held open the door for her.
He paused at the doors to the sanctuary, though they were propped open in anticipation of the night's guests. Mika stood with him, her hand still tucked into his elbow as he eyed the rows of pews. "Everything alright?" she asked, laying her other hand on his arm for good measure. He leaned his head towards her to answer, though his eyes stayed on the large cross at the back of the room.
"I haven't stepped inside a church since…" he left the explanation hanging, but she could fill in the blanks. Though he did not speak of it often, she knew he carried a tremendous amount of guilt in his heart for the things he did as the Winter Soldier. It made the back of her eyes prickle as tears threatened to form, because to her, he was a sweet, and caring, and gentle man. She did not see the shadowy parts of himself that he saw. She only saw someone who was strong and good, and had pieced himself back together after being broken in the worst ways.
"Well, I've been told the Church is always there to welcome you home." she said softly, rubbing his forearm in a comforting manner. He finally turned to her then, a ghost of a grin playing across his lips.
"Think I'll get struck by lightning if I step in there?" he asked softly, and while his tone was light and teasing, the lines around his eyes revealed his true concern. She let out a snort of a laugh, stepping closer so she was hugging his arm to her chest.
"I certainly hope not, since I'll be hanging onto you. But I think you'll be just fine." she said, making sure to give him an extra big smile. She then noticed how close their faces were, and while she remembered a time when Bucky was not comfortable with physical affection, now he was not moving away. She held his gaze for a moment longer before stepping back, tugging him towards the doors. "Come on now, we've got to get a good seat."
Bucky still hesitated, but soon gave in, allowing her to pull him into the sanctuary. He stiffened as he crossed the threshold, almost as if he was really afraid that God would strike him down for stepping into His house. But the moment passed without any adverse event, and Mika felt him relax as they continued down the aisle to a pew towards the front. They found the rest of their friends, who'd left enough room at the end for them to sit. Mika greeted Elena with a kiss on each cheek, reaching past her to squeeze Nicolae's hand and wave at Alexei on the other side of him. Behind her, Bucky nodded at the lot of them as they sat down.
"Thought you two weren't going to make it, the rate you were going." Elena whispered as the organ's song changed. Mika smacked her knee, pulling her coat off and laying it across her lap.
"You know I'm good at being right on time." she retorted, settling into her seat. Elena opened her mouth to respond, but Mika shushed her as the procession started. The entire assembly stood, watching as the priest moved down the aisle, followed by Jonas and Maria and their brother and sister, respectively. Mika grasped her hands together at her heart as she spotted her friends, looking so beautiful and so happy as they slowly walked to the front of the church. That's how she knew she was getting older: weddings always seemed to make her cry nowadays. They continued standing as the priest led the greetings, and still as a song was played on the organ, only sitting once instructed to. The whole time she watched Jonas and Maria, who looked like they weren't paying any attention to what was going on around them. They only had eyes for each other, lost in their own little world as they proclaimed their love for the rest of it.
Next to her, Bucky shifted in his seat and laid his arm behind her. For a moment, she wondered if he was going to put it around her shoulders, but instead he just rested it along the back of the bench. She could feel him looking at her out of the corner of his eye, and she tried very hard to read his mind. She thought of all the moments when they'd been in the gym, when he waited for her permission before touching her, and decided that was what he was doing at that moment. As such, she leaned over so that she was nestled against him, the sides of their legs barely touching. His arm stayed on the bench, but his hand dropped slightly. She felt his thumb resting against the top of her arm, every once in a while tracing a little circle and sending goosebumps down to her wrist. His side was warm, ridding her of whatever chill had followed them in from the elements outside. She loved being next to him like this, regardless of her feelings; she could still remember the time when he shied away from her, when he was uncomfortable with any affection. And now, he held her like it was the most natural thing in the world.
She always forgot how long Catholic ceremonies went, and her legs were a little stiff by the time the mass was over and they stood to leave. Bucky put a hand on the small of her back, keeping her steady as she sidestepped out of the pew. She noticed his hand stayed there for an extra moment before dropping away, leaving a cold spot behind. They followed the flow of people out of the sanctuary, congregating in the foyer as they waited for a car to take them to the reception at the pub. Nicolae was chastising Elena for her tears during the ceremony, the latter of course throwing Mika under the bus and telling of her crying as well. When Bucky was asked for confirmation, he simply held his hands up, determined to be impartial.
Mika was surprised when the priest limped up to them, changed from his robes and into his more casual garb. He greeted Bucky like an old friend, holding his hand out for an affectionate shake. "And who is this?" he asked, gesturing to her and giving her a warm smile.
"This is Mika." Bucky introduced with a grin, once again his hand going to her low back. This time, he kept it there. The priest gave him a look as if he were impressed before turning his attention back to her, shaking her hand as well.
"Mika, I'm Filip. It's nice to meet you." he said, his grip stronger than she anticipated for such an old man.
"Nice to meet you as well. Beautiful service." she said, nodding her head towards the sanctuary. He looked rather proud of himself in that moment, tugging on his jacket and standing up as straight as his stiff spine would allow him.
"Thank you. Thought it was some of my best work myself." he said, laughing at his own joke. Mika was about to ask how he knew Bucky when Elena appeared at her elbow, saying that their car was here. She turned back to the Father, not wanting to be rude, but he was already waving them towards the door. "You kids have fun. Go celebrate love." he said, and she could have sworn he winked at Bucky. She tried to put the pieces together as they walked back out into the cold, going to the large SUV waiting for them.
"Thought you said you hadn't been in the church for a while?" she murmured, poking his ribs with her elbow. He shot her a look out of the corner of his eye again, squeezing her arm closer to him for a moment before relaxing.
"Haven't been in the sanctuary. Only made it to the parlor off the foyer." he explained, opening the door for her. Mika was disappointed when Elena climbed in right after her and sat, but tried not to think too hard about it. They would be together all night, she could handle being away for a few minute drive to the pub. When they arrived and walked through the door, Mika wondered if they'd gone to the right place at all. It was brighter than usual, the tables covered with white cloths and a whole buffet of food set up on the bar top. Hans was there in a suit, looking very anxious as servers moved all around his pub.
"Alright there, Hans?" Nicolae asked, clapping him on the shoulder and making him jump. Yes, he was very stressed out indeed. "We missed you at the ceremony. Jonas and Maria really making you work their wedding?"
"No, no, I offered." Hans explained, his eyes still darting about as he watched the strangers set up and start receiving guests. "Their other venue backed out on them, and I wasn't about to let the best day of their lives fall apart."
"Oh, Hans, you sweetheart." Elena said, putting her arm around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. Hans sighed, his arm around her waist as he very obviously tried not to freak out at the situation. It wasn't that he minded them using his pub for the reception - in fact, he preferred it, because he thought his pub was the best in Bucharest - it just made him nervous to have so many workers that he didn't know. He could tell most of them were trustworthy, but some of them were not.
"Just doing my civic duty." he replied, patting her hip and pulling away from her. He walked by Bucky, pausing just long enough to mutter, "Keep an eye on bowtie and braids over there, would you?"
"Got it, boss." Bucky murmured back, making Mika perk an eyebrow in question. He shrugged when he saw her expression. "I'm part time security here too."
"Of course you are. Come on, what drink can I get you?" she asked, putting her hand on his arm as she stepped back towards the bar. He gave her a confused look, bordering on offended.
"I believe it is I who should be getting you a drink." he pointed out. It may have been a few decades since he'd been in the dating game, but he at least remembered that much. Mika looked like she'd been expecting that answer, and was very proud of her ready response.
"Normally I would agree. But it's an open bar, and I know you care more about the table than your drink. This way you don't have to pick one or the other." she replied, giving him a triumphant grin. He was surprised for a moment before smiling warmly at her, shaking his head.
"You know me so well." he replied, a short laugh escaping him. Mika dramatically flipped her curls over her shoulder, speaking as if it were obvious.
"I know." she said, taking one more step toward the bar. "So, whiskey neat? Or coffee?"
"The first, please." he replied, still smiling at her fondly. Her heart fluttered behind her sternum, and she willed herself to keep her composure. She was going to have to confess her feelings soon, or else she was going to explode. She squeezed his arm, turning and going to the bar before she forgot what she was doing.
"Please tell me you've made a move." Elena said, coming up beside Mika so fast that it startled her. She let out a long breath as she linked their elbows together, weaving their way to the bar.
"No, not yet." she said, her heart rate slowly returning to its normal rhythm. Elena made a frustrated noise. "Soon! Soon. I just...I'm not one hundred percent sure he feels the same way."
"You're fucking kidding me." she replied, making another noise of frustration. "You're an idiot, you know that? You're my best friend, and you're so smart, but you're also a goddamn idiot."
"You're not very encouraging." Mika bit back, sending a glare her way. Elena pulled her to a stop, putting her hands on her cheeks and focusing her attention.
"Listen to me. I'm not gonna waste my breath saying how happy you two look together, or how he looks at you like you hung the moon, or how literally everyone except for you two apparently see what's going on." she started. Mika wanted to interrupt and point out that she did, in fact, just waste her breath saying all of that, but she continued undeterred. "I'm only going to say this: stop. Being. An idiot."
"Yes ma'am." she replied with a curt nod. Elena was right; they'd been dancing around this for too long. It was time to take the plunge. "Tonight. I'll tell him tonight." she said, knowing that if she didn't have Elena to hold her accountable, then she'd likely chicken out again. And she really, really needed to stop doing that.
"That's my girl." she responded, allowing them to continue on their adventure towards the bar.
They settled at their table with their drink, Mika carefully laying down Bucky's whiskey before sitting down herself. He smiled his thanks, and once again his arm came to rest on the back of the chair behind her. They enjoyed their drinks until the happy couple came in, making their entrance to a round of applause and a little bit of hollering. They took their seat at the table up front and received their plates of food, thus releasing everyone else to make their way through the buffet. It was definitely a little late for the supper hour, but since it was New Year's Eve, it was assumed that they would be there past midnight. The conversation was light and the booze flowed readily, though Mika held herself to only two drinks; that was enough to give her the courage she needed for their conversation later without putting her in a completely inebriated state.
When the music started, she made sure to drag Bucky to the dance floor for the traditional dance he'd learned a few weeks prior. It took him a minute to remember the steps, but by the end of the song he was stepping and spinning like a true Romanian. He laughed as he pulled her close, helping her stay upright when her heels tried to make her fall. She kissed his cheek as the song faded out, and this time he couldn't hide the blush painting his cheeks. She'd hoped he would stay on the dance floor with her as the more modern songs came on, but he gave her an apologetic grin and a brief excuse of "we didn't go over these dances" before returning to the table. That did make her sad, but a tipsy Elena refused to let her stay that way, deciding that she was now her dance partner. Luckily, between her shoes and her dress (which, while it fit better than last time, was still difficult to dance in), she had an excuse to join him in the chairs, scooting hers close and pretending that she did it so they wouldn't have to yell to talk to each other.
As the night started to wind down, Mika was very glad that she'd taken a seat. She was tired; it had been a long and dramatic year, but it was ending well, she thought. And she was happy to watch her friends dance and chat with Bucky as it came to a close.
"Mika! Come dance with me." Alexei said, interrupting their conversation. He tried to pull her from her chair, but she wriggled her hand from his grasp.
"No thank you, Alexei." she said, nodding her head towards Bucky. "I think I'll just stay here."
"Come on, it's almost the last song." he tried to persuade her, though his words were just slightly slurred. He had not been prepared to make an argument.
"I'm good. Go on." she said lightly, nodding her head towards a brunette girl that had been eyeing him all night. He pouted, his gaze hardening ever so slightly as he looked between her and Bucky. She gave a pointed look towards the brunette again, diverting his attention. He let out a loud sigh, actually rolling his eyes and pouting like a child.
"Fine." he said, stomping off in the direction of the other girl. Mika grimaced, suddenly feeling guilty. Even if the girl thought he was cute, she would quickly find out that his personality was not.
"Don't think he was too happy about that." Bucky said lowly, looking to where Alexei was sulking. Mika shrugged; she honestly could not care less.
"He's a big boy, he'll get over it." she replied. She patted his leg affectionately, deciding to be a little bold. "Besides, I wanted to save the last dance of the night for you."
"I feel honored." he said, and though he tried to say it sarcastically, it sounded completely serious. Her words stuck in her throat as he looked at her, and once again she was lost in his eyes, feeling like she couldn't look away. The spell was broken as the DJ spoke into the microphone, announcing that this would be the last song before the big send off for the happy couple. Bucky's brows furrowed as the song started up, the gentle crackling of a vinyl record player peppering over the strings. "Wait, I know this one."
"Yes, you do." she said as the song he'd played in her apartment floated from the speakers. "I suggested it to Maria a while ago - I didn't think she'd make it the last song, though."
Bucky smiled, standing up and holding out his hand to her. "May I have this dance?" he asked, the formality of his words softened by the grin on his face. She placed her hand in his, carefully returning to her feet.
"Of course." she replied, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor. His right hand held her left, his metal arm coming to rest around her waist. He pulled her close this time, much closer than when they were dancing in her kitchen. She was close enough to feel the steady beat of his heart, close enough to lay her head against his as he slowly led her through the steps. He moved more confidently this time, and she felt like she was positively floating.
The end of the song came entirely too soon, and for a moment Mika refused to move from their embrace. Eventually, she pulled back just enough to look at him, to see him as he stared at her so intently she thought he might be reading her mind. He moved a hair closer, and she held her breath in anticipation of a kiss.
However, that DJ took that moment to announce that everyone needed to be outside, for one last surprise to end the night. Bucky took a step back then, and Mika nearly said fuck it, wanting to ignore the instructions. But everyone was moving towards the doors, and now was not the time. She put on her jacket and collected her clutch and her phone from the basket, and this time Bucky took her hand as they walked out onto the sidewalk with the rest of the guests. Everyone looked around, trying to see what exactly this last big hurrah was going to be. Across town, the church bells started tolling, signalling thirty seconds to the hour change. Ah, so it was nearly midnight. Someone started the countdown as the bells chimed, marking the seconds until the clock turned. As it reached its final clang, a loud boom erupted above them, the sky painted red as fireworks shot off the roof. Mika saw them for just a moment before she was pulled roughly to the ground, her sight going dark as someone covered her. It took her a moment to realize that it was Bucky, his metal arm covering the back of her head and her spine as he hugged her to his chest, ducked below the rest of the guests. She pushed back from him to find his eyes wide and frantic, looking for weapons that weren't there.
Bucky was in a panic. He should have known, should have known, that there would be fireworks. He should have prepared himself for this, especially given what happened last year. He knew they were fireworks, logically, but the booms and the flashes were so familiar that he couldn't shake the feeling that he was back in a war zone. But this time, his priorities had changed. He had to protect Mika, keep her safe. The vibranium of his arm was bulletproof, so he put that between her and the world. The other side of her, he would shield with his own body. She tried to push away from him, but he held her fast; the booms were still echoing around them, she needed to stay covered. Then suddenly, the blast sounds stopped. Well, not completely. He could still feel them vibrating through the air. But Mika's hands were covering his ears, blocking out the noise. He loosened his grip then, allowing her out of his cocoon of safety. She held his gaze, and while he couldn't hear her words, he could still read her lips as she said you're okay, everything's okay, just keep looking at me.
And he did. He kept his eyes on her, focusing on the curve of her mouth and the warmth of her hands on his ears until the flashes above them stopped. She was close, close enough to hold and close enough to kiss, but his body was still paralyzed. His memories moved like shadows in the back of his mind, threatening to take hold of him. But he kept his eyes on her, thought of her, pushing away everything else that wanted to claim him.
When the air was silent and the crowd was starting to disperse, she removed her hands, the sounds of the world overwhelming him for a moment before his senses recalibrated. He took a deep breath. Then another. And another. Her hands were still on his shoulders, her eyes full of concern as he tried to calm down. He thanked whatever deity was listening that he hadn't been fully lost in a memory like last time, knowing that would have been completely detrimental.
"I'm sorry." he said, his voice hoarse and his mouth dry. His muscles ached as he stood up again, and she followed, refusing to let go of him.
"Don't apologize. Are you alright?" she asked, her hands going to his arms as she rubbed them in a soothing manner. It made no difference to his prosthetic, as he could just feel the pressure of her touch, but it still helped overall.
"I'm alright. Are you?" he questioned in return. He didn't know how hard he'd pulled her, and he gave her body a quick once-over to check for injuries. She brought his face back up, looking at him intently.
"I'm fine. You're fine. Everything's okay." she said, her tone soft and gentle. He took another deep breath, opening his mouth to apologize again and being interrupted by Elena stumbling over to them.
"We're going downtown! You two coming with?" she asked, one hand on Nicolae and the other waving between them. Mika didn't even glance at Bucky to see what he thought.
"No, we're just going to head out. It's late." she said, her hand sliding down his arm until it reached his hand. She intertwined their fingers, holding them tightly and making his heart pound. The touch was comforting, familiar. Elena gave her a devilish grin.
"Uh huh. That's what the kids are calling it these days." she said, laughing and throwing her arms around Mika for a brief hug before planting a kiss on her cheek. "Right, have fun! See you later!"
"Bye, Elena." she replied, though she wasn't sure her friend heard her before traipsing off towards her next target. She looked to Bucky then, giving his fingers another comforting squeeze. "Ready to go home?"
"Let's go." he said softly, taking her hand more securely as they started walking towards their apartments. She moved a little slower thanks to her heels, but he didn't mind. This, walking hand in hand with her through downtown Bucharest, was the best thing he'd experienced in a long time. He felt a warmth through him that he never thought he'd experience again, and a level of comfort despite the panic attack he'd been sucked into earlier. Logically he knew that his improvement in the panic attacks was likely due to the healing of time and the various measures he'd investigated (i.e. meditation, yoga), but it also helped to have Mika there. And after the way she'd held him during the fireworks, and the way he'd held her when they were dancing, he knew he couldn't hold his feelings in any longer. He had to take the risk and tell her, and whatever happened after that would be her choice.
"Want to come in for tea?" Mika asked as they reached the top landing of the building. She looked hopeful, for sure, but she was also fiddling with her keys, a sign of nerves. What was she nervous about? What happened with the fireworks? No, if that had made her uncomfortable, she wouldn't invite him in. He knew that now.
"Please." he responded, following her as she went into her apartment. She kicked her shoes off but stayed in her dress, going and filling the kettle and putting it on the stove. She wasn't drunk - in fact, by his count she'd only had two drinks early on in the night. But he would still make her peppermint tea.
"So, what are your goals for the new year?" she asked quietly, her back to him as she put the tea bags in the mugs and got out the nutmeg and honey. It was a simple enough question, expected really, but Bucky felt his heart jolt at it. This may be the perfect opportunity. He was glad she didn't bring up the fireworks; he felt like it was fairly obvious what had happened, and he didn't want to revisit it.
"Be more honest. More open." he said. He didn't intend to start the conversation this early, but the chance had fallen into his lap, and he had to take it before he lost his nerve. He leaned against the island, facing her and watching as her hands stilled.
"With who?" she asked quietly, hesitantly, picking at the label on the nutmeg container. Could it be…? Had he somehow read her mind? Or were they just accidentally on the same wavelength? She felt like her insides were frozen as she waited for his answer. He took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"With you." he said, his voice barely above a whisper. She turned around then, looking at him with an expression he couldn't decipher. He decided it was hopeful; that was the only way he was going to get through his next words. "I have feelings for you, Mika. Feelings that I never thought I would have again - didn't think I was capable of feeling again. And I know I'm out of practice at best with these things, but I care for you very deeply. With my past, I'm not the best suitor, but I just...I couldn't hide it from you any longer."
"Why do you sound like you're trying to talk yourself out of it?" she asked lightly, giving him a grin. She was wringing her hands, but not in a nervous way. She was trying to contain her excitement. He laughed; of course she would be giving him shit at a time like this. She, on the other hand, winced while he was looking away; that was not the way she wanted to respond. He remembered the resolution he'd given her just moments before. Honest. Open.
"Because I do not think I'm good enough for you." he said plainly, leveling his gaze with her. It was her turn to laugh then, running a nervous hand through her hair.
"Bucky, you're so far out of my league we're not even in the same sport." she said incredulously, making him raise his eyebrows. She stepped to him and took his hands in hers, not shying away from the metal plating of the left one. In fact, she held it tighter, as if she wanted to be sure he felt it. "But I feel the same way. I've felt the same way for a while."
"Really?" he asked, his shock registering plainly on his face. He definitely wanted her to return his sentiments, but hadn't dared hoped for it. He didn't want to set himself up for crushing failure. She laughed again, her hands going to his cheeks to hold his attention.
"Yes, really. Hell, I told Nicoletta a week ago that I like you so much it was pissing me off." she said, unable to keep the wide smile off her face. He grinned at that, letting out a relieved laugh as well.
"Well, it wouldn't be me if it didn't piss you off a little bit." he replied, making her laugh again. She trailed her hands down his arms, intertwining their fingers again. The gesture made his heart race, and he hoped she couldn't feel his pulse in that moment. "So...what happens now?"
"Well, I mean, it's the twenty-first century. Dating can be whatever you want. We don't really have to define it, if you don't want to." she said, suddenly shy. He was entirely surprised - women in his time were always eager to tie you down, but she almost seemed hesitant to offer that, as if that weren't something desirable. God, men really were even more stupid in this time than before.
"And if I do want that?" he asked, and it was her turn to be surprised. She thought he would be hesitant, but she realized that was a mistake on her part; Bucky was never one to half ass anything. "If I want you to be my girl? If I want to be your man?"
"I, for one, would be completely okay with that." she said, and her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Her fingers were gripping his tightly, and she thought her heart might explode. This had gone better than she'd hoped, better than anything she could have planned. And she was glad that it had worked out that way, because no matter how strongly she felt about him, she didn't want to take the chance of pushing him. She was glad he started the conversation. He loosed his right hand from hers, pausing for just a moment before tenderly laying it against her cheek. He had one last question, one that he didn't think he would ever get to.
"Can I kiss you?" he murmured, running his thumb over the apple of her cheek. She leaned into his touch, her eyes shining as she looked back at him. She looked like she did on her birthday, she looked happy.
"I'd like that very much." she replied, her voice just as low. She stepped closer to him, as close as she'd been at the end of the song earlier, when he'd almost kissed her at the wedding. Her hands rested against his chest as he leaned forward, slowly and softly pressing his lips against hers. It was different than the kiss they'd shared before - this one was full, and deep, and spoke of all the emotions they'd been hiding. His senses were completely overwhelmed by the way her lips moved on his, the feelings heightened by both his enhancements and affection for her. He was just reaching his limit, reaching the point where he thought he might just explode, when the kettle started singing on the stove. She pulled back, still smiling, and went to make their tea. He would certainly be okay with more of that happening, though it might take a little practice. As Mika grinned over her shoulder at him, he figured he would have a willing partner. He still didn't consider himself worthy of her, but for whatever reason, she wanted him. For once, he wasn't going to question it. He knew there were things she may want in the future, things that he may not be able to provide, but that was a conversation for another day. Today, he wanted to relish in the elation of a new relationship. Today, he wanted to be optimistic.
He didn't know if he had the capacity to truly love anymore, but he desperately hoped so.
Finally! These two nerds are together! And they KISSED!
Y'all are so totally amazing. Thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback last chapter, I really can't express how appreciative I am. Y'all are the best readers a girl could ask for. Thank you for sticking with me for the past 36 chapters for us to finally get to this moment!
For those keeping track, we're a little over 2 months away from Civil War!
I hope this chapter was satisfying. Get ready for fun fluffy relationship stuff before things all go to hell in a handbasket! Please let me know what you thought!
-XM