Chapter 40: Birthday Shenanigans, Part II

The fog surrounded him, blinding him as he tried to make sense of who and where he was. His skin was hot, but inside he felt frozen, his muscles barely able to respond as two people dragged him across a concrete floor. The cold leather of the chair was almost sharp as he was thrown into it, contrasting with the heat of his skin and sending a jolt straight up his spine and through his skull. He wanted to move, wanted to run, even though he didn't know where he was going to run to. His arm hurt, God his arm hurt, it felt like it was slowly burning from the inside out, and the electrical pain made him feel like his shoulder and neck were on fire.

As his vision cleared, he started to recognize the men in lab coats, and the machines that they operated. The panic rose in him, choking him as he finally pulled himself to his feet and shook off the men plugging things into him. It didn't matter where he went, as long as he was away from here. The metal of his left arm felt like it was tearing the bones of his shoulder apart when he used it, but he didn't care. Escape, that's what mattered. He needed to get out, needed to get to...Steve? Where was Steve? Didn't Steve save him at one point? Why was he back here now?

His thoughts and memories were jumbled, broken. Parts of his body were too, but he could feel them setting and healing. They were not the priority. His took one step to run, but was paralyzed by the voltage coming from the cattle prod someone stuck in his back. He fell to his knee, catching himself with the metal arm. Pain erupted through him as they stuck him again and again, until he could no longer stand.

They heaved him back into the chair, and this time when he tried to fight, his muscles didn't listen. His fingers merely twitched as he tried to lift his arm, and his legs weren't moving at all. They'd damaged his spinal cord, but he couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed that the injury had caused him to soil himself. That was the least of his worries now. His memories were piecing themselves back together, and he knew what would be next.

"Help!" he yelled, as loud as his aching lungs would let him. The cattle prod was jammed into his ribs, sending his heart into arrest for a moment before it forced itself back in sinus rhythm. Part of him knew no one would hear him, but he had to try, right? It wasn't in his nature to give up. He'd never given up a day in his life, and he couldn't start now. He screamed again, though he couldn't form a word this time. The electricity hit him again, but he was becoming desensitized to all the pain. He barely noticed the prick in his arm as someone pushed in a needle, but he did feel his lower lip start to tremble. He was scared, God he was so scared, because he knew that after the needle came the Machine.

He tried to scream again, but it only came out as a gasp. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. He had to focus all his energy on getting out. He tried to lift his head, but as soon as he moved it, pain radiated through his neck. The Machine was pushed onto his head, and he was not given a moment to prepare before it turned on. He found his voice again then, his screech of pain echoing through the lab. His whole body felt like it was tearing apart into little pieces; he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't move. He could only scream.

Time meant nothing now. The Machine ran again and again, until there wasn't even relief when it was off. Warmth flooded him as they activated the IV, making him feel like his head was in the clouds. He tried to move again, but his muscles felt like they were full of cement. Beside him, a man in a black coat was reading in Russian, his words slow and deliberate. He recognized them. Since when did he recognize Russian?

"Bucky."

Yes, Bucky. His name was Bucky. He'd forgotten that, that's what Steve called him. Was Steve coming? He needed to fight back. He needed to help Steve. But the man was still reading the Russian, and the needle was still putting the drug in his system. He was tired.

"Bucky, wake up."

He'd been fighting for a long time - years, even. Steve wasn't coming. No one was coming to save him. He was alone.

"Bucky."

The man was nearing the end of the list. He wanted to fight the pull in his mind, but he couldn't anymore. He'd tried his best, for as long as he could. But he wasn't Bucky anymore. As his consciousness slipped, he was-

Awake. Awake with sweat pouring from every place and his heart hammering in his chest. He awoke to a ceiling that wasn't his, and found that he wasn't alone. Mika was sitting at the foot of the bed, as far away from the metal arm as possible. It wasn't necessarily a habit for him to spend the night with her, but it was starting to happen more often. As such, it was inevitable for her to encounter his nightmares. The first time it happened, she'd slept through the whole thing, and he laid awake next to her for the rest of the night. The second time, she woke up before him, and made the mistake of shaking his shoulder to try and pull him from it. Luckily her wrist hadn't bruised from where he grabbed it in his sleep, and she was able to pry it loose before he was conscious. Now, the third time, she'd learned the proper and effective way to wake him.

"I'm sorry I woke you." he said softly, blinking his eyes and pinching his brows as his mind tried to consolidate. The Soldier wasn't primary right now, but he could still feel the lingering presence of everything the scientists did to him. He didn't look at her, instead resting his forehead in his hand as he ran through his mantra: My name is Bucky. I live in Bucharest. I work at the pub. I have a girl named Mika…

Said girl crawled across the bed, sliding her arms around his shoulders and resting her cheek against him. "Don't be sorry. You're okay now, you're safe here with me." she murmured, kissing his shoulder and hugging him tightly. He put his hand on her arm, rubbing his thumb over her soft skin and focusing on the feel of it, breathing in the strong scent of her flowery shampoo. He'd never get tired of that smell.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be okay." he said, taking her hand and pressing his lips to it. She didn't let go, intertwining their fingers as she moved so she could look him right in the eye.

"Nonsense. Do you want to talk about it?" she said, holding his hand in both of hers and clutching it to her chest. He could feel her heartbeat, strong and sure, underneath his fingertips. He didn't want to talk about it, not really. Mika was everything good about his present life, everything that he wanted to think about and focus on. He knew he would never forget all the atrocities they did to him, and all the horrible things he'd done, but he could do his best not to dwell on them. He had to push forward, had to make himself better, had to make up for it.

"No. Not tonight." he said, his voice still quiet. She was loving and supportive, but he did not want to stress her with the details. She made him want to be a more positive person. She rubbed his back in a soothing manner, not pressing it even though she thought it might help him if he actually spoke what was on his mind.

"I'll make you some tea. Go shower real quick." she said, pushing his sweaty hair aside so she could kiss his cheek. He grasped her hand as she got up, pulling her back so he could lay his forehead against hers for a moment.

"Thank you." he said. He longed for the day when the nightmares would stop plaguing him, but it was a tremendous relief to know that, at least for now, he had Mika there to help him. He could certainly center himself on his own, but it was so much easier when she was there. She smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. It took him a moment to remember to kiss her back, and after being stuck in a nightmare, it felt like he was kissing her for the first time all over again. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead she just gently touched his cheek before going to the kitchen.

Once he was alone in her room, he was tempted to leave. This was the third time he'd had a nightmare in her bed, and the third time he'd been lucky not to hurt her in his sleep. But he could hear her humming in the kitchen as she made tea, and his heart burned with so much affection for her that he knew there was no way he would go back to his cold apartment by himself when he had the opportunity to lay with her in his arms. So he took his shower, and drank his tea, and attempted to settle back in bed with her head on his shoulder and their legs intertwined. He didn't worry about harming her now; there was no way he was going back to sleep tonight.

It was a quiet night, and it wasn't long before Mika was back asleep, her breath tickling his chest. "Mika?" he whispered, trying to see if she was still awake. This was a game he'd been playing the past few nights, practicing for when he'd actually get the gumption to try it when she was conscious. She didn't move and her breath didn't hitch as he whispered her name again, so he carefully whispered, "I love you."

The words felt foreign in his mouth, but he knew that was the way to describe how he felt about her. He wanted to tell her, but he felt like he needed to practice it more first. He didn't know if he could handle the look on her face if she didn't love him too - or, if she did. But no matter what, it was true. In whatever bit of fractured and broken heart he still had after everything he'd done, he loved her. What was it that man had said in her favorite movie? Most ardently. That summed it up nicely, he thought.

Mika's alarm went off earlier than it usually did, which confused him. She must have a conference call with someone in a later time zone this morning or something. She groaned as she reached across him to turn it off, collapsing against him with a dramatic sigh and making him laugh. He smoothed her hair away from her face and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and she nuzzled into him, soaking in his warmth in the cool early morning air.

"Good morning." he said, his voice making her ear buzz. She loved waking up next to him, starting her day with his embrace and his kiss. Even if there were other physical milestones they hadn't gotten to yet, she was content with this.

"Morning." she mumbled, her face still in his chest. She stayed there a few minutes longer before prying herself from his hold, immediately whining at the change in temperature. He sat up with her, and she leaned forward to kiss him. "Happy birthday."

That surprised him. Even with all her talk of celebrations, he'd forgotten that today was his birthday. The sentiment immediately brought a smile to his face, as he quite literally could not remember who was the last person to wish him a happy birthday.

"Thank you." he replied, now for an entirely different reason than a few hours ago. He squeezed her hand affectionately before rolling out of bed, pulling on his sweatpants. "Do you want oatmeal for breakfast?"

"You can't cook on your birthday." she said, as vehemently as she could at the early morning hour. He gave her a devilish smirk.

"Oh? Then what will we have for breakfast then? We finished the bread yesterday." he pointed out, waiting to see what she came up with.

"I can pour a mean bowl of cereal, tell you what." she said, finally pulling herself from underneath the covers and stretching her limbs. He rolled his eyes, if only to distract himself by the bit of skin that peeked out from underneath her pajama top.

"Oatmeal it is then." he said, going into her kitchen while she did her morning wash up. He now felt almost as comfortable in her apartment as he did in his own, which surprised him at times. He put the pot of milk on the stove and carefully spooned oats into it, stirring them around before putting the top on and letting their breakfast simmer. Normally he'd fry some vegetables for himself and cut up some fruit for Mika ("this is too healthy, where's the chocolate?"), but today he decided to keep it simple with ham for himself and honey with cinnamon for her. Besides, she was out of fruit and vegetables, and apparently it was his birthday. Mika came in and made them coffee, stirring sugar in milk into hers as he put the finishing touches on breakfast.

Back in the day, he'd hear people talk about "domestic bliss" and figured that was either the most romantic or most bullshit thing he'd ever heard. But sitting at the kitchen island with Mika as she scrolled through her phone and he worked one of his puzzles, idly eating their breakfast and drinking their coffee, he finally understood the phrase. He knew he didn't deserve this, but he was lucky enough to have it, and was not going to take it for granted.

"Alright, now I've got to kick you out." she said after they finished their food and coffee. Bucky was surprised; she'd never kicked him out before. Had he done something offensive without realizing it? He ran back through the morning, but couldn't think of anything wrong he'd done. Was this about his nightmare?

"Everything alright?" he asked. If he needed to fix something, he would do it. He just needed to know what it was. But she gave him a big smile and said,

"Of course it is. But I have to work and get prepared for our celebration tonight." she explained, making his blood go cold.

"I thought we were just having a quiet night together." he said, his words slow and careful. He didn't want to seem ungrateful for whatever she had planned, but he also knew that they had very different opinions on what constituted a fun night. She patted his shoulder in a reassuring manner.

"We are. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and make it a little special for you." she said, gathering up the dishes and going to the sink to wash them.

"You know I hate surprises." he pointed out, wanting her to tell him exactly what her plan was. She put down the bowl she was washing, drying her hands so she could come over and put them on his cheeks.

"I promise, it will be you and me only. You're going to like it." she said. He let out a sigh that was almost a growl, which only made her smirk grow wider. "Now, go treat yourself. I have a lot of preparation to take care of."

"If you say so." he said, resigning himself to the fact that she was determined to keep this a secret.

"Oh, I say so." she said, giving him a big kiss before turning him towards the door, patting his rear so he got the idea. He made a frustrated noise but followed her instructions, getting his baseball cap from where he left it on her table before letting himself out of her apartment.

Mika did have a busy day ahead of her. She'd gotten up early so she could get her work done, that way she would have plenty of time this afternoon to get everything situated. She wasn't doing anything extravagant for Bucky's birthday (by her definition, at least), but she did have many easy things that would require a lot of time. So she sat dutifully at her kitchen table until she got her eight hours done, and then she was off to the store. Bucky would be at work at the pub by now, so there was no worry about running into him in town. But Hans had agreed to let him off an hour early for his birthday, so she did have to factor that into her plans. Bucky, for his part, could barely take his eyes off the clock while at work, his emotions somewhere between anxious and excited as he waited to see what Mika had in store for him. The clock ticked past the hour and he pulled off his apron, his goodbye to Hans quicker than it usually was as he made his way back home. He made a quick stop at his own apartment as he always did, making sure everything was in its place, before showering and going over to knock on Mika's door.

"There's the birthday boy!" she said with a huge smile. He anticipated her being dressed for a night in, but instead she was layered as if they were going outside. The plan was supposed to be to stay in. What was going on?

"Do I need a jacket?" he asked, eyeing her. She had the big bag she usually used for the farmer's market, though it wasn't nearly as full.

"Probably. Oh, and can you carry this for me?" she asked, handing him a thick blanket he hadn't seen before. He wondered if she just hadn't used it, or if she'd bought it especially for tonight. He nodded and took it from her, hanging it over his metal arm as he went back and picked up his jacket.

"Where are we going?" he asked, returning to the hallway. She was nearly bursting with excitement to tell him, and he was nearly bursting with anxiety to find out. He really, really hated surprises.

"You and I are going to have a picnic on the roof. No one but us." she said happily, and he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. She shifted her bag and pulled a pin from her hair, going to pick the lock of the third door on their floor. Once open, it revealed a single flight of stairs that he assumed led to the roof.

It was a cool night, but the icy cold winds of winter were on their way out, and the fresh smell of new spring life was making its way in. Mika had Bucky lay out the blanket before sitting on it, patting the space next to her. A year ago, he would have put as much space between them as possible, but tonight, he sat right next to her, resting with his arm behind her. She unpacked her secret bag, pulling out a bottle of wine, a plastic container with different kinds of cheeses, and something wrapped in a towel. She handed the last item to him, and he found that it was warm, and smelled of rosemary and sage. The last of his anxiety melted away, and he pulled the towel back to reveal a perfect loaf of herb bread, fresh from the oven and made just for him. The spread was simple, but it still made his heart swell. She gave him one of her brilliant smiles, and he could hear the words circling in his head, I love you, I love you, I love you.

"Let's get this birthday party started!" she said before he could get it out of his mouth. He grinned then, tucking the words away for another time. She pulled the cork from the bottle and filled their glasses, raising her glass to him. They did nothing more than tear bits of bread from the loaf and drink their wine, chatting idly and poking fun at each other, but it was the best birthday he ever had.

When the bread and cheese were gone and the bottle was exhausted, there was not much more to do except lay on the blanket and look up at the moon. It kept coming in and out of view thanks to the clouds they couldn't quite see, but the lights from the streetlamps below were enough to keep it from getting too dark. Mika moved her wine glass to the side, turning so that she was on her stomach and propped on her elbows, levelling Bucky with a look. He reached a hand up, pausing just a moment before brushing her hair away from her face.

"So, just how old are you today? You've never given me a straight answer." she asked, finally cornering him. He let out a long breath and ran his hand through his hair, trying to remember exactly what year he was born - and exactly what year it was now. When he finally did the math, he let out a laugh and covered his face with his hand.

"Ah, fuck." he said, not wanting to say it out loud but knowing that there was no way he was going to get out of it. He sat up so that at least he could avoid looking her in the face as he said, "I'm ninety-nine."

Mika's jaw dropped, and there was a brief second of silence before she completely came apart with laughter, rolling around on the blanket and clutching her stomach. Bucky didn't think it was that funny, but her absolute amusement had him chuckling as well. He knew he was old, but until that moment, he hadn't realized exactly how old.

"Oh my God, you're ancient!" Mika choked out through her giggles, poking him in the side. He rolled his eyes. Hell, now the old jokes were never going to stop. "How do you climb the stairs every day without breaking a hip?"

"It's a miracle every time." he deadpanned, though his chest still shook with laughter at the situation. What had his life come to?

"We'll have to put you in a home soon." she continued, still cackling madly at her own jokes. He rolled his eyes, deciding that since it was his birthday, he didn't want to deal with this.

"I've still got a few moves in these old bones yet." he said, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her up onto his lap. She made a surprised face, going silent with the sudden movement and grasping the front of his jacket as she stuck the landing.

"Maybe you'll show me someday." she said, her voice barely a whisper. She was still being patient with him, but he was quickly growing impatient with himself.

"Only if you want me to." he replied, leaning forward to kiss her. She still tugged on his jacket, pulling him closer, and he nearly crushed her to his chest. She pulled away breathless, her heart skipping a beat at the serious look in his eye.

"I definitely want you to." she said, patting his sternum. "But first, we have dessert."

"You know I don't-"

"Yea yea yea, you don't like sweets. But I thought long and hard about this one, so just humor me, okay?" she said, scrambling off him and going to her bag. Once she found the new plastic container, she moved back to him, and he was glad when she returned to his lap instead of the spot next to him.

"So what are we trying now?" he asked, his arm resting casually around her back. She leaned against him, soaking in his warmth and his closeness as she pulled the top off the container. He smelled butter, but not really any sugar, which intrigued him.

"Close your eyes." she ordered before he could see what she was holding. He sighed, but obliged, the fingers of his metal hand gripping the blanket ever so slightly with his nerves. He knew Mika wasn't a threat, but the vulnerable position was still difficult for him. She was probably the only one that he would allow to be around him like this. He heard her move the container lid, and pick up something from its depths. She touched it to his lips, and he held his breath as he took a cautious bite. The first thing he tasted was buttery pastry, followed by sweet, crispy apples. There wasn't much sugar, and what little was there was offset by cinnamon and spices. It tasted familiar, and it tasted good.

"Apple pie?" he asked, opening his eyes and forgetting to swallow before he spoke. She had a hopeful look on her face, still holding the small, round hand pie.

"Apple pie." she said, taking a bite out of it herself. He could tell she was quite pleased with it, but she was still waiting for his reaction. "So?" she asked, wondering if her hundredth attempt was successful. He lingered for just long enough to make her antsy before leaning forward and taking a second bite from the pie, and then a third.

"It's good. Really good." he said, actually disappointed as she finished off the hand pie herself. It gave her the energy to leap up, dancing and basking in her victory.

"Yes! I'm the greatest baker in the world! Finally!" she yelled, spinning around and dancing to a song that only she could hear. Bucky let her have her moment, reaching into the container to have another pie - this one, all to himself. When she was finally finished with her triumph, he thought she was going to collapse next to him, but instead she moved so she was straddling him and holding his head to her chest. "It only took us ninety-nine years, but we found something you like. I'm so proud of you. I thought this moment would never come."

"Found a lot of things I like." he responded, pushing her back so he could look her in the eye. He actually saw her breath catch this time, and when he closed the space between them for a kiss, she tasted of cinnamon and apples and springtime air. They kissed again, and again, and again, each one a little deeper, a little fuller. He could feel her heart beating against him, feel as its pace quickened. His scalp tingled where her fingers ran through his hair, his beard scruffing against her chin as their lips moved against each other.

"Is there...anything else you wanted for your birthday?" she whispered, her lips still right next to his. The hopeful look was on her face again, and he did not plan to disappoint her this time either.

"If you'll have me." he whispered back, his hands moving over her waist in a rare display of nerves. He wanted to be honest with her, vulnerable with her...just with her in general. He was ready. Ready to try and move forward, ready to be the man that she deserved.

"Of course I will." she said with a smile, pressing a searing kiss to his lips. The kisses were different now, excited and feverish and telling of things to come. They felt warm, even in the cool night air, as he kissed her freely for what felt like the first time.

Drop. Drop-drop.

Their kisses stopped immediately, and on Mika's face were three fat raindrops. One fell on Bucky's forehead, and then on his hand. Then, the sky opened up and let loose a deluge, soaking them in moments and causing her to screech and leap up, scrambling for his hand and pulling him toward the door.

"But your stuff!" he said. It was just a bit of water. Well, more than a bit, really, but they could survive.

"Leave it! Casualties!" she cried, still dragging him to the door with more strength than he thought her capable of. He conceded, laughing at her as she practically flew down the steps and back into the building. She was already shivering as they went into her apartment, though it probably didn't help that he shook out his wet hair like a dog.

"You alright?" he asked as they pulled off their wet outer layers. Luckily their jackets seemed to have taken the brunt of the attack, but her curls from earlier were now flat and frizzy, and her cheeks were tinged pink from the fight or flight instinct that kicked in with the weather change. They could still hear the rain coming down outside, falling heavily against the windows and making the low lamp light of her apartment seem even more romantic. He thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

"I am. Just cold now." she laughed, wondering if he was going to change his mind about what he implied earlier. She hoped not, but she could certainly be understanding if he did.

"Then let me warm you up." he said, and she would have made fun of him for how cheesy the line was if he wasn't looking at her the way he was. Instead, she met him halfway in a kiss, picking up exactly where they'd left off.

After all, she was determined for him to have a good birthday.

Whoop! Birthday boy! If you couldn't tell, next chapter things are getting saucy in a rated M manner! Finally, our boy feels comfortable and confident!

Thank you guys so much for the reviews! They seriously fuel me, and I can't say enough how much I appreciate y'all taking a moment to tell me what you think. Y'all are amazing!

Side note, over on tumblr I've written some extra lil bits and prompts for Mika and Bucky...since some of y'all aren't on tumblr, would you be interested in me posting them on here in a separate story? Just something I thought of the other day, and wanted to know what y'all thought!

Please let me know what you thought about this one!

-XM