The day of his big surgery, Derek was awake at 5:00 am before anyone else in the house. He quietly went downstairs to start a pot of coffee and went back upstairs to get showered and dressed while it brewed. By the time he was ready, the hot coffee was waiting for him in the carafe. As soon as he poured himself a mug of coffee, he heard a soft knock at the door and quietly answered it knowing it would be Violet. She was supposed to meet him there so they could go to the hospital together to talk to the patient before the surgery.

"Good morning, Addie and Chris are still sleeping upstairs," he told her as he opened the door wider to let her in. "Do you want coffee?"

"Sure," Violet replied.

Derek took another mug out of the cabinet and filled it for Violet. "Addie has half and half in the fridge, if you want."

"No, black is fine."

"Same, I prefer it black. She liked it with half and half."

Violet took a sip, "This is great coffee."

"Yeah, leave it to Addie to have coffee beans that cost more than my car payment," he replied only half jokingly.

"Is it weird for you when you stay here?" Violet asked curiously. "In your ex-wife's house, where I'm sure things are similar to what they were when you were together."

"They're not, actually. In New York we lived in a Brownstone overlooking Central Park. She had it decorated with darker colors. Black leather couch, mahogany furniture and cabinets, the kitchen counters were dark, the appliances were black. It was very early 2000s-esque. This place is so bright, lots of whites and glass and stainless steel."

"I wasn't talking about appearance," Violet clarified. "I mean, it the coffee beans she likes, the fridge has what she likes, the layout is what she wants. It's gotta be odd for you to adjust back to that."

Derek shrugged. "I live in a trailer back in Seattle so anywhere I could stay would be an upgrade."

"A trailer doesn't seem like a very permanent living situation," Violet observed.

"It's not permanent. I just don't know where my life is going right now."

Violet nodded, "I get that," she mumbled as she took another sip of her coffee as they stood around in silence. Suddenly they heard the sound of footsteps and a door slap from upstairs. "I thought you said everyone is asleep."

"They were," he responded, setting his mug down on the counter. "Let me just go check then we can head to the hospital."

He went upstairs and quietly peeked into Christopher's room to find him sound asleep. Then he went over to Addison's bedroom and softly knocked on the door. After not getting a response, he turned the knob and let himself in to see her bed was empty and unmade. Then he heard the heaving in her bathroom. "Addie?" he called out softly, trying the door knob only to find it locked. "You okay in there?"

"Fine," she panted right before she retched out the contents of her stomach for the second time.

"Will you let me in?"

"No."

"Addie… I just want to help."

"I don't need help," she managed to say as she caught her breath.

Derek sighed on the other side of the door. "Okay. I'm leaving for the hospital. Try to get more rest. I'll text you to check in when I can but I'll be in surgery for most of the first half of the day."

"Okay," she muttered before flushing the toilet and forcing herself up off her bathroom floor.

He was waiting for her to say something else when he heard the shower turn on and knew that was the end of their conversation. He headed back downstairs and gulped down the rest of his coffee and left for the hospital with Violet.

"Hi, Daddy!" Christopher jumped out of his chair and into his father's arms. "Mom let me order the pizza!" he told his father excitedly.

"You got to pick the toppings?" Derek asked, looking into one of the boxes on the table between the mother and son.

"The breadsticks and salad are for Mom. I picked the meat lovers pizza. Kyle from my class said real men love lots of meat so I got it for us since we're real men."

"Oh, you did?" Derek asked, eyeing the extra grease from the bacon and pepperoni seeping through one side of the pizza box. "Maybe Mommy will share some of her picks too so I can try both?" he asked hopefully.

Christopher glanced at his mother. "Daddy wants some of your breadsticks and salad, Mom."

"I'll share, don't worry," she assured her son as Derek took a seat at the table to took a breadstick from the styrofoam container.

"How was your surgery?" Addison asked.

"It was… long. It took almost twice as long as I thought it would. The patient had trouble coming out of anesthesia. It was all just really stressful. She's still not coherent. Couldn't remember what year it is. But she knows her name and recognized her sister so I'm hopeful she just needs some time to heal."

Addison nodded. "That's good to hear. Is she still seeing and hearing god?"

"She couldn't stay awake long enough to know. I think it'll be a few days before we have that answer," he replied as he bit into his breadstick.

"Do you want my salad? I haven't touched it, it's chicken caesar. I think I should just stick to breadsticks tonight."

Derek nodded as he pulled the container in front of himself and poured a generous amount of the caesar dressing onto the salad from the small container on the side. "I'm starving. I didn't have time to eat today."

"You're not going to try the pizza I got for us, Daddy?"

"I will, of course I will." Derek assured his son. "Is that Bacon, ham and pepperoni?"

"Extra Bacon," Addison corrected, making Derek's eyes go wide. "Don't look at me like that. He insisted that he wanted to try it and I didn't have the energy to fight him on it. Besides, I'm trying to encourage him to try new things. Telling him he can't try something seemed hypocritical."

"Maybe we should monitor his cholesterol after this meal," Derek mumbled.

"Don't worry, that's his first slice and he hates it. I doubt he'll finish it. He's just trying to convince himself he likes it because of what his classmate said."

Derek nodded, watching his son take a small bite from the greasy slice of pizza on his plate.

A few minutes went by before Christopher gave up on the half eaten slice of pizza. "I'm full," he told his parents. "Can I go watch TV?"

"How about you have some of my salad and a breadstick?" Derek offered, knowing there was no way his son could be full off of a few bites of greasy pizza.

"Just a breadstick," Christopher replied as if it was a compromise and not because he was still hungry. He reached into the container and took three breadsticks.

After Christopher was gone, Derek cleared his throat and looked at Addison. "How was your day?"

"It was fine."

"You were sick this morning."

"Yeah, I felt like that on and off throughout the day but I'm okay now."

"You barely had morning sickness with Christopher," Derek recalled.

"Yeah, he was a really easy pregnancy. Sometimes I'd forget that I'm growing another human inside of me."

"Is this one different?"

Addison met his eyes and gave him what felt like a dismissive shrug. "I guess we will find out."

As the clock ticked down on Derek's visit, he became increasingly anxious about how to bring up the topic of their plans for the pregnancy and the baby. He knew their status quo wouldn't work for him, but he knew changing the status quo wouldn't work for her.

The thoughts ate away at him as he packed his suitcase on the last night of his stay. He was interrupted when Christopher ran into his room and jumped onto the bed. "Do you have to leave?" he asked.

"You know I do, buddy. I have a job in Seattle."

"But you can have a job here too. Like the one you came for," his son told him logically. "And you can stay here with us like you have been and we just keep doing this."

"Christopher, you do remember that your mom and I are not together anymore, right?"

"So?"

"So we're not supposed to live together anymore."

"But you stay with us when you visit."

"Staying here for a few days and living here are very different, buddy," Derek patiently explained. "I'll be back to visit again soon, I'm sure of it."

"Well, you could just live somewhere else that's close here," Christopher suggested.

Just outside the guest bedroom, as Addison was about to go into her own bedroom, she heard her son enthusiastically coaxing his son to stay in Los Angeles. She knew she shouldn't, but she lingered in the hallway so she could hear the rest of the conversation.

"I could," Derek agreed. "But that would be a decision your mom and I would have to agree on and we haven't reached an agreement yet."

"But you'll think about it?" Christopher asked hopefully.

"I will," Derek promised.

From the other side of the wall, Addison couldn't help but wonder to herself if she was being the bad guy in this story. Was she the one standing between her son and his father? She quickly peeled herself from the wall she had been pressed against and disappeared into her own bedroom before she could get caught listening in.

The next morning- Derek's last before leaving for home- was like most others he'd come to recognize in the household. By the time he was awake, Addison and Christopher were in the kitchen. Addison was standing at the kitchen counter with a mug of hot coffee in her hands while Christopher was seated and eating a bowl of cereal.

"Good Morning," he greeted his son with a kiss on the head before moving toward Addison to peck her cheek. She artfully turned to the French Press sitting on the counter for a refill just in time to avoid the unwanted contact. Derek noticed the move and awkwardly took a step back, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

"I have to be at the airport by noon today," he reminded her.

"I know. Have a safe trip home," she remarked casually. "I'm going to go wait in the car while you say your goodbyes to Christopher. Just don't take your time because I don't want him to be late for school."

"Okay," he said softly, watching as she set her full mug down in the sink. She grabbed her purse, phone and sunglasses and headed for the door without turning back.

After Christopher and Derek said their goodbyes, Derek walked him out to his mother's car and helped him get buckled up in the back seat. He kissed his son's forehead one more time and reminded him, "I'll see you soon okay. I will visit again as soon as I can."

Christopher nodded. "Love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too." Derek responded before closing the car door. He took a step away from the car as he saw Addison's hand move toward the gear shift to reverse. "I don't get even a minute to say goodbye to you?" he asked loudly, hoping she'd hear him through the closed windows.

She paused, then rolled down her window halfway. "Did you say something?"

"I don't even get a minute to say goodbye to you?"

"I already said bye. Told you to have a safe trip home. Remember?"

"That was is? That's all I get?"

"What else did you want?" she asked in confusion.

Derek shrugged. "Nothing. You don't owe me anything more, I guess."

Addison gave a slight nod of agreement, "Bye, Derek," she said softly before closing her window again and reversing out of her driveway.

Before his flight, Derek headed over to St. Ambrose to check in on his patient one more time before leaving Los Angeles. He let himself into her room to find her awake and alone.

"Good morning," he greeted her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than yesterday," she admitted. "Still feeling tired but I feel more awake today than I did yesterday."

"That's normal as you're coming out of anesthesia, especially considering how long you were under for the surgery. Your stats seem great, you are more alert than yesterday. It's all very promising."

His patient nodded at him. "That's good to hear."

"I have already ordered a follow up MRI for before you are discharged and another one month after that. They will send me the scans and I will give you a telehealth call to go over them with you."

"You're leaving already?"

"I have a flight in a few hours," he told her. "But you have my phone number and email address if you have any concerns."

"Do you think the voices will be back?" the middle aged woman asked him.

"I don't know."

"Are you religious, Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek hesitated before shaking his head just slightly. "Not really. I was raised Catholic and my mother took us to Sunday school and church and everything but I think I grew out of it later on in life. My wife and her family weren't religious at all. Once I got married to her, I guess I lost touch with religion at some point along the way. We haven't really made it a priority for our son and it never bothered me" he shrugged, realized he'd given more detail than was asked of him.

"Did you ever want to raise your son the way you were raised- with the Sunday school and church and all of that?"

Derek shrugged, "It's never something I considered when I became a parent," he admitted. "I'm sure it's not something that Addison- my wife, thought about either. She's the type that did the religious things for the formality of it. We had the big church wedding and everything but we weren't ever devout."

"How long have you been married?"

"Oh, we're not anymore. But we were married just shy of 12 years."

"But you said 'wife' not 'ex-wife.'"

"Clearly your short term memory and attention to detail haven't been affected by the surgery," Derek replied, half teasingly. "We only recently ended our relationship and we are still very close and amicable for our son's sake so I'm having a hard time adjusting my verbs."

"I was never religious before this either. But then I swear I heard god in my head all the time. All. The. Time. And now I don't know what I think."

Derek nodded, "Have you talked to Dr. Turner about this?"

"No, she came last night but I was too tired."

"I'm sure she will be better with helping you resolve your feelings," he said cautiously. He didn't want to bluntly tell his patient that it wasn't god talking to her, it was a massive tumor pressing into her left temporal lobe causing her to feel and hear a presence that wasn't really there.

"I'm divorced too. Except mine wasn't recent, it's been seven years now," she told him. "I got used to be being alone. But then… I don;t know. It was just felt less lonely with the thought that god was speaking to me."

Derek was at a loss of words, unsure of how to respond without sounding insensitive. When the door opened and he saw Violet step in, a sense of relief washed over him.

"Hi Gail, Dr. Shepherd." Violet greeted them both professionally. "How are you feeling?" she asked their patient.

"A little better today," she said tiredly.

"I'll give you two some time to talk. I've gotta start heading toward the airport, but I will in touch with you both over the next few days. And you have my direct cell phone number if you need to reach me. I'm just a quick plane ride away."

As soon as Addison finished with her 11:00 o'clock appointment, she stepped out of the exam room and checked the time on her phone- 11:27. Safe to assume that Derek would be en route to the airport and that she'd gotten through another visit. She stopped at the front desk and made a few quick notes in the chart before passing it off to the receptionist to file away. Then she moved toward her office, looking forward to her a few minutes to herself after a busy morning.

As soon as she opened the door, she realized she wouldn't be getting a few minutes to herself because Derek was sitting on her couch and waiting for her. So maybe it wasn't safe to assume that she'd gotten through another trip.

"I thought you'd be on your way to the airport," Addison said in surprise.

"Decided to make a quick stop here," Derek replied. "Didn't want to leave without a proper goodbye and at least a vague idea of a plan."

"Derek, I'm at work right now and you've got a flight."

"I know."

"So now is not the time to discuss this."

"If we don't do it now, we're never going to do it."

"That's not true," Addison quickly retorted, having taken offense of the accusation.

"It is true, Addie. You never call with plans. You never call period. I'm always the one that calls. I'm the one that actually asks about you, I'm the one that always makes arrangements for visits. If it were up to you, I'd never see or speak to my son and I don't want things to be that way with the baby."

"Okay, wow. That is just a boldfaced lie. I have never kept you from speaking to or seeing your son."

"No, but you've never initiated it either."

"How would I? I don't know your schedule. I don't know when it's okay for him to call. It's easier for you to call when you're free."

"That's a terrible excuse, Addison."

"It's not an excuse, Derek. It's an honest lesson from someone who spent two years of her life having her calls rejected because someone was too busy to speak to her for ten seconds. It's easier to wait for you to reach out than it is for us to chase after you."

"So you're making me chase after you now?"

"You're not chasing. I make myself available."

"Except when we need to discuss the fact that you're carrying my child."

"I'm not making you chase me. I honestly told you that I am not ready to have that discussion. I think whatever system we have going is working very well for me and I don't want to complicate it."

"Well, whether you like it or not, having a baby does complicate things, Addison," he reminded her.

"It doesn't have to," Addison insisted. "Not yet, at least. It's still early in the pregnancy. We have months to figure this out and we will. For now, I'm still processing all of this. I went from infertile to pregnant with nothing in between and I'm still a little shaken by that. I need time to process without anyone hounding me to make decisions."

"I'm not hounding you!" he defensively raised his voice.

"What else do you call it when you show up unannounced to my place of work and try to corner me into making some sort of commitment?"

"Funny that when you showed up unannounced at my place of work, you called it 'fighting for our marriage.' When I do it, it's called 'hounding.'" He said, using air quotes to emphasize his point.

Addison took a deep breath, willing herself not to get emotional and show weakness. Just as she was about to open her mouth to retort, she felt bile rising and rushed to the trash can under her desk to vomit. Within a split second, there he was, holding her hair back with one hand and gently rubbing her back with the other. So much for not making herself vulnerable.

"I'll get you a bottle of water," he told her as she stood upright and reached for a tissue to wipe her mouth. When he came back, he set the bottle down on her desk and turned back to where he had been seated to grab his phone and wallet. "I've gotta go. I can't miss my flight. I need to get back to the hospital for a case tonight."

Addison nodded in understanding. "Okay."

"Addie, I'm not going to keep hounding you to talk to me about this. It's not fair to you or to me, and it's definitely not fair to our kids. So when you figure out what role you want me to play through this pregnancy, let me know. I won't ask again until then."

"Okay," Addison repeated, watching as he put his wallet in one of his back pockets and his phone in the other.

He briefly considered moving back toward her to give her a hug goodbye, but given the distance he'd noticed her putting between them, he chose against it. Instead he walked toward the door and turned toward her. "Bye."

"Bye. Have a safe flight."

He gave a small nod and left her office.

Thanks for reading! I did get a bit stuck with this chapter because I felt like the overall outline was getting boring but I decided to stick with it and see how it goes. I hope you all are still enjoying the story and I hope you'll take a minute to review :)