Chapter 58: Rest Now
Bucky thought, after no less than two more rounds of love making and murmuring to each other well into the night, that he would at last be able to rest.
And yet, he found himself wide awake, staring up at the ceiling and watching the blades of the fan lazily spin. Mika was sprawled out on her stomach next to him, her bare back illuminated with the moonlight, just bright enough that he could see her ribs rise and fall as she breathed slow and deep. Unlike him, she was completely worn out. He carefully slid out from under the covers, trying not to wake her even though she seemed to be sleeping like the dead. The door to the balcony was quiet as he slid it open, and he left it ajar as he stepped out into the calm night air. The heat no longer felt stifling, now that his body wasn't constantly feverish from battling a raging infection, and he found he actually enjoyed the warmth. He leaned his elbows on the railing, looking down over the fields downhill from the home. And it felt like a home, despite being in a country he'd never heard of on a continent he'd never been to.
The gentle breeze wrapped around him, tickling his bare chest and the new skin of his shoulder. He couldn't remember the last time that skin had felt anything besides pain; in fact, he hadn't really realized how much pain he was in until it was all taken away. This was the first moment he had to himself, giving him time to actually reflect on everything that had happened over the past few...days? Weeks? How long had he been asleep in that hut exactly? That was probably why he wasn't able to sleep now, besides the uncertainty of the future and the unfamiliar territory; he'd been sleeping for a while now.
But despite the ambivalence of the situation and the complete change of scenery, he found he wasn't nervous. He figured, no matter what else came, it couldn't be worse than what he'd already been through. Wakanda was safe, he knew that. Steve wouldn't have brought him here if that weren't the case. He looked back at the farm land in front of him, deciding that this is what he wanted. He just wanted a quiet life, free from the fighting and the death and everything that came along with it. He thought of the Princess, offering him a new arm, and absent mindedly reached up and rubbed the smooth skin of his shoulder. He felt lighter without the prosthetic, like he was finally and wholly himself again. Would she be offended, he wondered, if he wanted to try living his life without it?
There was a rustling behind him, and he looked to see Mika reaching out to the empty sheets. She was still mostly asleep, but her brows were pinching together in confusion after her hand didn't find him. He took one last look at the countryside before going back in, closing the door behind him and getting back into bed. Her face relaxed when she finally found him again, her body going still as she sank back into a deep sleep. He pulled her close, and she moved her head from her pillow to his chest, her limbs resting limply across him. He didn't think he'd ever seen her in this profound of a sleep; it made his heart swell, seeing how relaxed and safe she felt with him. And for once, he didn't feel like a danger to her. Finally, he was able to fall asleep.
The sun was already halfway past the horizon when he woke again. When was the last time he slept in past dawn? It felt amazing. Next to him, Mika was still asleep, now on her back with her arms stretched overhead, the comforter piled around her waist and one long leg reaching out from underneath it. That view was also amazing. He was considering waking her up in a particularly saucy way when his stomach cramped and grumbled; he was awake most of the night, why had he not thought to eat anything? He pulled himself from the bed a second time, this time moving much slower and taking a moment to stretch his muscles. He didn't go to the balcony this time, instead going into the kitchen to see if he could figure out how to make some coffee and breakfast.
The coffee machine and stove were intuitive enough, but he didn't realize how much he used two hands with cooking until he only had the one. He had to be extra careful when stirring the oatmeal, since he could no longer stabilize the pan while he did so. He thought to use his stomach to keep it in place, but a nice angry burn told him that was one of his dumber ideas. The end result was a few stuck and burned oats at the bottom of the pan, but overall two decently sized bowls of food.
Chopping fruit with one hand was no problem, as his knife skills were strong enough and fast enough to make it happen without too many casualties rolling off the cutting board and onto the floor. He piled it on, and thought he was going to have to go wake his girl up when she finally strolled out of their room, her hair a mess and a large tunic swallowing her frame. She came over to him with a grin, her arms sliding around his waist as she pulled him in for a kiss.
"Smells good in here." she commented, laughing as he pulled her in for another good morning kiss.
"Breakfast is ready." he replied, nodding his hand at the steaming mugs and full bowls. She sucked in a sharp breath, and he wondered how she'd been faring cooking on her own without him.
"That's the sexiest thing you've ever said to me." she said, kissing his cheek before taking a sip of coffee, her eyes closing for a moment as the warmth hit her. He shook his head at her theatrics, but couldn't help but smile. God he'd missed her. She took both of their mugs in one hand and grabbed one bowl with the other, gesturing for him to follow her. "Let's sit on the porch. It's lovely in the morning."
"Sounds good to me." he said, thinking that any morning was lovely if he got to sit and be with her. She wasn't wrong though; with the sun rising behind the house, the porch was shaded, keeping them cool while the light painted the scenery orange in front of them. There was no chairs yet, but they could sit on the front step and lean against the railings while they ate breakfast, watching the colors of the leaves and grass change as the sun rose all the way.
"How are you feeling this morning? Were you able to sleep?" she asked quietly after a while, her bowl blissfully empty and her mug still blissfully full. He gave a short huff of a laugh, taking a sip from his own cup.
"Not really." he said. She immediately looked concern, so he continued, "Just wasn't tired."
"How?!" she asked incredulously, her eyes wide. He laughed at the surprise and vague offense in her expression, his shoulders shaking. "Seriously! I haven't - we - Bucky, I was at university last time I went three times in a night! How were you not exhausted?"
"Guess this old man's just in better shape than you." he said, still chuckling at her outrage. "We'll just have to...exercise more often."
"Oh really?" she asked, perking an eyebrow and poking him with her toe. "Any specific workouts you had in mind?"
"Well you know, you're supposed to target it to your specific activity goals." he replied with a smirk, putting his mug down so he could grab her leg and pull her close, sealing his flirting with a kiss. She kissed him back eagerly, her arms going around his neck to pull herself closer. Things were just starting to get interesting when Bucky stopped, pulling back and listening hard. Mika held her breath, the question hanging on her lips. They were supposed to be safe here, what could make him stop like that?
A few moments later, Mika could hear it too: the sound of someone running along the path close to the home. Multiple someones. But the footsteps seemed a little too light and fast to be soldiers or spies, and Bucky's posture relaxed. Soon, three children came sprinting around the corner, letting out cries of happiness as they spotted them. Bucky let them tackle him onto the porch, a grin on his face as all of them started talking to him at once. She had no idea who these kids were or where they came from, but clearly they all knew each other.
"Did you get adopted while you were healing?" she asked, unable to keep the laughter down. The kids were messing with his beard and his tunic and his hair, and at the sound of her voice they stopped and looked at her with the same large, blinking eyes. They'd been so excited to find him, her presence had escaped them.
"White Wolf, who is that?" one kid asked, half hiding behind Bucky. He smiled, leaning back ever so slightly so he could stage whisper,
"That is my Little Bird." All three of them gasped appreciatively, though only the little girl had enough bravery to bound over to her.
"She's so pretty!" she exclaimed, her high voice and her accent making her even more adorable than she was on looks alone. She checked her back, her tiny eyebrows furrowing. "Where are your wings?"
"I haven't put them on yet. You can't fly for an hour after you eat." she explained, and the girl nodded sagely, her hands running over Mika's messy hair, trying to smooth it. "Why do you call him White Wolf?"
"Look at his skin!" the youngest of the three, situated in Bucky's lap, said with a mischievous giggle and a pinch of his arm.
"And when he dreams, he howls!" The oldest added, letting loose a loud awoo to accentuate his point. Both Mika and Bucky's smiles faltered as they realized what they meant; they thought he was howling like a wolf, but they both knew that he'd been screaming in his sleep as he was forced to relive all his memories while his mind reorganized.
"And if you're not careful, I bite." he said, trying to diffuse the tension they felt before the kids picked up on it. He gave a pretend growl and snapped his teeth at the little kid sitting on him, the boy shrieking and giggling as he did so.
"It's true." Mika said with a smirk, her tone laced with an implication that the children didn't notice. She sat still as the little girl stepped behind her, trying to carefully detangle her hair while really just making Mika happy that she was not tender headed.
"So soft." the little girl said to herself before starting to sing a song Mika didn't know. She could pick out a word here and there in the limited Wakandan that she'd learned over the past few weeks, but overall it was lost on her.
"Did you all track me down all the way from your village?" Bucky asked. The question seemed innocent enough, but Mika could see the layers of it; the kids may be spies, they just didn't know it. Or perhaps the area wasn't as secure as they thought it was. But the smallest grinned, readjusting his seat.
"No! Princess Shuri told us." he said, unable to keep the secret at all.
"We wanted to make sure you were better." the little girl said from where she was painstakingly twisting Mika's hair into a clumsy braid with her small hands. Bucky gave them a small smile, and Mika had to blink away a few tears that wanted to spring loose at their confession.
"Well, thank you for checking on me. I'm all better." he said quietly, and Mika saw the expression he used to wear every time he realized that she cared about him. He was still getting used to people looking out for him, and wanting to help him and love him. But he'd see it eventually. "Now, you all should probably run home. We have to go meet the Princess."
"No!" the oldest said, wrapping his arms around Bucky's neck while the youngest squeezed his middle. The girl left Mika, holding onto his other side.
"We don't want to go!" the youngest added, his cries muffled from his face being buried in Bucky's chest.
"And I wish you could stay," Bucky said quietly, and the sentiment sounded genuine. "But I don't think the Princess would like to be kept waiting."
"Okay. But can we come back tomorrow?" the youngest asked, looking up at him from his position. They all seemed to hold their breath as they waited for him to answer.
"Of course." he said, and all the kids visibly relaxed at his agreement. "Now go on, head home."
The kids chorused their goodbyes before crawling off of him, running back towards the path. At the last moment, the girl turned and came back, throwing herself onto Bucky for one last hug.
"We're happy you're better." she said. Bucky looked like he was choking down a bit of emotion, and laid his head against hers for a moment before patting her back.
"Me too." he said. Her companions called to her then, and the girl let go and ran down the path, straining to catch up before the boys left her behind. They were silent for a minute, Mika grinning at Bucky, before he sighed and pulled himself to his feet. "Shut up."
"I didn't say anything." she said, taking his outstretched hand and standing next to him. She gathered their dishes, following him inside to the kitchen. "Didn't realize you went and adopted a few kids in your absence."
He shrugged, and she knew immediately he was faking being nonchalant. "Those kids seemed to pop in every time I was awake. Gave me food, water, talked to me, all that. Had no idea who they were - hell, had no idea who I was - but they were always there." He was figuring out how to wash the pan with his one arm, giving him an excuse not to look at her. She idly noticed that they'd twisted his hair into the same half-bun that it had been in the previous day.
"Well you were great with them. Were you around kids a lot when you were younger?" she asked idly, hopping up to sit on the counter next to the sink. He looked up at her then, perking an eyebrow.
"You trying to figure out if I have a middle aged son or daughter running around somewhere?" he asked, a smirk on his face. She blinked a couple of times, his words sinking in.
"Honestly, the thought never occurred to me. Do you?" she asked, making him chuckle as he handed her the pan to dry.
"No." he said before pausing, thinking for a moment. When was the last time he slept with a woman? Was there enough time before he was shipped out for her to let her know if something happened? He did the math quickly. "...No, there's not." he said, a little more certain the second time.
"Uh huh." she said, not completely trusting his answer. "Do you want kids?" She hadn't meant to have such a serious conversation first thing in the morning, but the question was out of her mouth before she could stop it. Bucky paused, but not because he was afraid of it. He was genuinely considering his answer before giving it to her.
"Maybe. Someday." he said, his brows still pinched together in thought. He knew, when he was a much younger man, he'd planned to find himself a wife and have a large family. But then he'd gone to war, and didn't come back, and hadn't really thought of it since. That is, until he met Mika. He wanted, very much, to spend the rest of his life with her. But he also knew that it was much too early in their relationship to express such sentiments. "Do you?"
"Maybe. Someday." she agreed with a shrug. Children were always a 'what if' to her. What if she found the right person, what if they were stable enough, what if she wasn't too old or tired. But it wasn't hard to imagine seeing Bucky with a baby on his lap, drinking his coffee and speaking to it in eight different languages. "For the record, I think you would make a wonderful father." She didn't know if he needed to hear the statement, but judging by the look on his face, it didn't hurt.
"You do?" he asked, thoroughly surprised. It was definitely something he wondered, given the current topic of conversation. His heart burned at her words, and she nodded emphatically.
"Absolutely." she said, reaching out to take his hand and pull him to her. He stood between her knees, his forehead resting against hers. His insides froze as he considered the possibilities.
"I...there's something I must confess." he whispered. "Something you should know."
"You have multiple middle aged children running around?" she said lowly, the laughter dying on her lips at the serious look on his face. He licked his lips, his eyes dropping for a moment before returning to hers.
"With everything they did to me, all they put me through…" He could feel his blood turning to cement, his whole body buzzing with discomfort. He hated, hated, that he had to tell her this, had to once again think about the torture that Hydra had done. He cleared his throat, trying to make his voice a little stronger. "I'm not entirely sure children are a possibility."
She was quiet for a long moment, trying to decide exactly how to respond. Faced with the possible inability to have a family, she suddenly desperately wanted one. But she knew that moment would pass, and she knew there were other things to prioritize. "We'll cross that bridge if or when we come to it. What's important right now is you and me." She leaned in and kissed him softly, her hands on his cheeks as she tried to show all her emotion with it. His hand gripped her thigh as he kissed her back before pulling away reluctantly.
"And going to see Shuri." he said, making her groan.
"Maybe we can go see her tomorrow." Mika offered, and Bucky gave her a look.
"You know if we don't show up at the lab, she's just going to show up here. We'll be interrupted either way." he said, making her whine childishly as he tugged her off the counter. She knew he was right, she just didn't want to admit it. The last time they'd been in their happy little bubble, it had been rudely burst, and now they were back in safety and she wanted to take full advantage of it. But she figured she could wait a few more hours. Maybe.
They rinsed off the night before and dressed, deciding this time to take the little vehicle that Shuri was letting them borrow for the time being. The palace was bustling with activity this morning, now that everything was under control after the brief upheaval with Killmonger. Mika greeted the few people she knew as she passed them, her hand clutching Bucky's as they made their way up to the lab, dodging palace servants and runners and scientists as they moved throughout the space.
"Finally!" Shuri cried, spotting them before they spotted her. Her braids were arranged into two thick plaits down her back, the ends swinging precariously and nearly whipping passerbys as she strode across the lab. "I thought you two had gotten lost. Or been detained."
"We were attacked by a rogue band of Wakandans this morning." Mika said. Shuri looked confused, and then alarmed.
"They were all under the age of eight." Bucky explained, since Mika was currently trying to hold in her giggles. Shuri rolled her eyes then, smacking her on the back of her hand.
"Don't do that! I'm very sensitive." she said, making Mika laugh more.
"You're fine. Now come on, we don't want to pull you away from your work for too long." she said, putting her arm around the younger girl and following her to the back of the lab. There, on the table, laid a beautiful metal arm. It wasn't the bright, gaudy silver from his previous prosthetic, and there was no bastardized star on the shoulder. There was a dull glow between the plates, and he had the distinct impression that they would not click and grind as he moved them. It was a spectacular piece of machinery. But for some reason, he was hesitant.
"Sit here. We'll have you up and fighting in no time." Shuri directed, pointing him to a chair next to the table. She tapped a few things on her tablet before holding up her bracelet, one bead scanning the side of his shoulder. A few more taps on the tablet, and the arm started to glow. "So? Do you like your new house?"
"It's amazing, Princess. I - we can't thank you enough." he said, gazing at her seriously even though she casually waved him off.
"Of course. I'm glad you like it." she said with a smile, though it was clear her mind was on the task in front of her. Her fingers flew over the screen for a few moments longer before she set the tablet down and picked up the arm. Bucky paused before moving the covering draped over his shoulder, exposing the smooth amputation site. Shuri held the arm up next to it, red lights reaching out and scanning his shoulder like a bunch of sniper sights, looking for the nerves. They stopped one by one as they found what they were looking for, trained on their targets, and once they were all still Shuri slipped the arm over his shoulder and chest, the prosthetic making a quiet whirring noise as it fitted itself to his body. He got a blink of pain as the nerves reconnected, but after that, it was fine. The new prosthetic felt warm and responded to his every thought; he didn't feel like he was fighting it every time he tried to move it. He flexed the fingers and bent the elbow, testing its sensitivity. It didn't feel completely normal - he didn't think anything short of regrowing his arm would do that - but it certainly better than the prosthesis he had before.
"Shit." Mika swore in Romanian, hiding her bad language from the princess. Her eyes were wide as she took in his movements, and he realized that the ease of using it wasn't obvious just to him. He reached up, gently stroking her cheek with the thumb. Her eyes somehow got even wider as she leaned into it, exclaiming, "It's warm!"
"Well yes, wasn't the other one?" Shuri asked, and both of them shook their heads.
"No, it was always cold." Mika said. Bucky moved his hand away, his brows furrowing as he gripped it strongly, testing the force he could make. It was even more powerful than his previous arm, but instead of assuaging him, it scared him a little bit. Despite the ease of use, it reminded him just a little too much of what he had previously.
"Princess, could we borrow you for a moment?" an attendant requested, stepping up to them and clasping his hands in front of him. Shuri let out a breath, composing herself before nodding.
"Of course. Be right back." she said, getting up and following the man away. Mika turned back to Bucky, resting her chin on her hand, her elbow propped on her knee.
"What do you think?" she asked, nodding at the new arm. He swallowed, taking a moment to compose his response. Surely Mika wouldn't judge him, right? She would just be honest?
"Would it be ungrateful of me if I wanted to just...try and live without it?" he asked quietly. He knew he could never repay Shuri and T'Challa for everything they'd given him, but even if the arm was new and different, it still served as a reminder to him. He could still feel the weight of it hanging, different from the right side, and tethering him to the past. "It just still feels kind of like before. Just without the pain."
Mika was silent for a moment, trying to decipher everything he wasn't saying. "Feels too familiar?" she asked, trying to clarify. He nodded.
"Feels like I'm always waiting for combat." he said. The more he moved the arm, the more he could feel the strength running through it. Shuri had made sure to give him not just an arm, but a weapon. And he was quickly growing tired of weapons.
"I don't think that would make you ungrateful at all." she murmured, reaching up and smoothing his hair away from his face. Even as he talked to her, the left arm hung down by his left side, as if he were refusing to acknowledge it. "Are you sure you can do everything you want with just one arm?"
He thought for a moment. "Well, cooking was a bit of a challenge, but I managed." he said, thinking back to that morning. He might have to change his strategies a bit to make everything work, but it was definitely manageable. "I can still lift most things, take care of myself...take you to bed."
"Well we certainly know that." she said with a grin. He'd proved that readily and easily the night before.
"Would you still feel safe?" he asked. He knew his own abilities, knew exactly what he could accomplish, but that wouldn't matter if she felt like they would be at a disadvantage. "Do you still feel like I could protect you?"
She laughed, covering up the fact that the question made her want to cry. "Bucky, you could have no arms and no legs and one eye, and I'd still trust you to protect me." she said emphatically. He reached up then, pulling her in for a quick kiss before sitting back against the chair. "I think Shuri will understand."
"Will understand what?" the Princess asked, coming around the corner. She stopped as she saw the looks on their faces, caught before they were completely ready to see her again. "What is it? What's wrong? Is something wrong with the arm?" she asked, eyeing the prosthetic and noticing how it was limp next to him. Bucky sat up a little straighter, making it move.
"No, no, Princess, it's wonderful, it's perfect." he said. Now looking at her in the eye, he couldn't bring himself to speak his thoughts.
"But?" she asked, coming to sit next to them. He hesitated and looked to Mika, who gave him an encouraging look. Shuri crossed her legs, looking at him imploringly. If there was something that needed to be improved, she wanted to know.
"I…" he stopped and cleared his throat. He was hoping to have a few more minutes to formulate his request. "I am forever indebted to you. And this arm is beyond anything I could ask for, and more than I deserve. But…" he wavered for a moment again, her big brown eyes making him feel guilty. "I think I may need some time to just be myself again. I hope you can forgive me of that."
Shuri's eyes filled with tears. "There's nothing to forgive. I'm so sorry, I was so focused on making it, I didn't even think-"
"You have nothing to apologize for." Mika said, getting up and pulling Shuri into a hug, her head at her abdomen. "You have been the smartest, most wonderful, most amazing thing to ever happen to us. And we are so, so thankful." She let go, and Shuri's eyes were dry again.
"And Princess," Bucky got her attention again, a very serious look on her face. "if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call on me, okay?" Most people would give stipulations with such a claim, but he had none. He could easily and guiltlessly kill for this girl.
"I will hold you to that." she said, her hands going to his shoulder as she released the arm from him, returning it to its home in the box. "And I have my first request right now."
"Name it." he said, with no uncertainty. She closed the lid on the arm, and another attendant in white came and took it away for storage. She smiled, and patted his leg.
"I want you to go home and enjoy your life." she said, giving him a smile. She had seen bits and glimpses of his memories in the hours she spent clearing his mind from Hydra, and had assumed he would miss the prosthesis. But she'd been incorrect, and if he wanted a break from a fight, he would get it. "It's finally time for you to rest."
"Thank you, Princess." he said, heaving a huge sigh of relief. She stood, and he followed her example, accepting her request for an embrace. Every time he thought that this was it, life couldn't get any better, Shuri had to go ahead and prove him wrong. She hugged Mika goodbye before sending them on their way, making sure to mention that Mika still had some unfinished projects to work on whenever she was ready. Mika smiled and agreed, but definitely made sure to say that she would be taking a few days off.
With that, she took his one hand in hers, and they made their way back home.
Ah, finally a little breath of fresh air! I love little fluffy slice of life stuff, how about y'all? Thank you for the well wishes for my test! It didn't completely annihilate me, but I'll have to wait until mid June to find out if I passed. Damn.
Thank you so much for the reviews! Y'all are seriously the best readers ever, I love to hear all your reactions to these two nerds! Special shoutout to a few people who noted binging the whole thing, y'all have some serious resolve I'm so impressed!
Also how bout that Captain Marvel, huh? I never knew I needed Brie Larson beating people up while No Doubt played in the background, but I did. I really did.
Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter, please let me know what y'all thought!
-XM