Chapter 78: Threshold
The first morning in their new apartment, Mika was proud to say that she actually woke up before Bucky did.
It was the first night in a few that she hadn't been seized by a nightmare (in fact she had the distinct feeling that she had a very different kind of dream), and when she opened her eyes in the early morning light she didn't feel nauseous, or lightheaded, or exhausted. She felt good. She rolled over to face Bucky, taking in how much younger he looked with his face relaxed, and how comfortable he was in sleep. He'd pushed the sheets off at some point in the night, leaving his chest bare and one leg free of the cover. He shifted in his sleep, a sure sign that he was slowly waking. Mika smiled to herself; if she was going to surprise him, now would be the time. She scooted closer and rested her hand on his chest, her smile widening as he unconsciously leaned into the gentle touch. His eyes were moving under the lids, and as her hand started trailing down over his stomach he took in a deep breath, finally waking up and meeting her gaze just as her touch dipped below the waistband of his shorts. He let out a low groan and buried his face in her neck, his body responding readily to her advances.
"Feeling better this morning, then?" he murmured, kissing her skin lightly and making goose bumps go down her arms. She continued her ministrations, teasing him lightly.
"Much better." she whispered back, sighing as he kissed her neck again and again. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close until she was pressed against him, his thigh between hers as he rolled them over. He finally kissed her then, morning breath be damned, as hands began wandering and blood pressure began rising. She shifted so that her legs went around his waist, pulling him flush against her, wanting to touch every inch of him possible. He propped himself up with his metal arm while his other hand went under her shirt to her chest, his fingertips barely brushing against her. Their kisses turned hot and intentional, her legs gripping him as she tried to get a little more friction between them. He went to tug at the waistband of her underwear, barely breaking his lips away from hers for a moment.
"Yes?" he asked, his voice low and raspy. He was holding the cotton so tightly that the threads were starting to pop under his grip.
"Please." she said so desperately that all he could do was tear one side of her underwear, giving her enough freedom to move it aside. She laughed, her fingers scrambling to push down his boxer-briefs, giving the freedom for him to reposition slightly and gently work until they were together. They let out a satisfied sigh, and Bucky reached to grab the hem of her shirt, tugging it until she pulled it off and discarded it. He ran his hand down her leg before directing it up, casually resting it over his shoulder so that he could go even deeper. She moaned loudly then, her fingers digging into his arm as he starting pushing a little harder, a little faster. She reached one hand up, bracing herself on the wall as he continued, making her curse and get short of breath.
He slowed for a moment, making her whine and pout. He grinned at her, slowly pushing himself up so he could put her other leg over his other shoulder. "Patience." he growled, continuing the slow, teasing pace, letting his hand drift between them to ignite her further. She gasped, begging him not to stop, encouraging him to pick up the pace once again. He never could tease her for long, always wanting to make her respond more, respond louder. Most of what turned him on was seeing her get off. It wasn't long before his name was tumbling from her lips and her back was arching as she reached her peak, encouraging him to maintain his pace. When she finally came down from it, he dropped her legs from his shoulders, laying atop her and chasing after his own end. She held him close, saying encouraging things as he continued, his rhythm eventually stuttering and changing as he came.
They laid there for a moment before he rolled himself off of her with a groan worthy of a hundred year old man, making her laugh loudly. "Getting too old for mornings, huh?" she asked through her giggled, patting his chest. He shot her a glare, grabbing her and pulling her to him again, making her screech in surprise.
"Never too old." he replied, clutching her to him. He wanted to commit this moment to memory, just like he had all the others. With the new risk of sickness constantly hovering in the corner of the room, he couldn't help but fear that their time was limited. She hummed happily, tucking herself into him, blissfully unaware of the low level of turmoil simmering in his heart. His affection for her suddenly bloomed, and he hugged her as tightly as he could, if only for a moment.
"Do we have to get up?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest. He wished he could say no, wished they could just stay in this moment forever. But it was another day three, and the earlier they got into the tower, the earlier they could get on with their day.
"What if I promise we can stop at that bakery you like?" he asked. She liked when he started bartering before she had the chance to complain. "The farmer's market is also open today."
"Hmm, that sounds lovely." she said, squeezing him. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, holding onto the moment for just a second longer before patting her rear.
"Come on, up we get." he said, not bothering to mask his disappointment that yes, they actually did have to get up. Mika sighed dramatically but peeled herself off of him, going into the bathroom and turning on the shower. He got up and started digging through the boxes of clothes Steve had given him; with his recent change, there were a lot of things that no longer fit him. When Mika was done showering he took his turn, quickly rinsing off and getting dressed. By the time he was done brushing his teeth and donning his baseball cap, Mika had returned from taking Luna out for a little stroll. She hadn't bothered drying her hair, instead just braiding it back and letting it leave a damp mark on her flannel.
She hated taking the train, but it was a necessary evil to get into Manhattan from Brooklyn. Sitting in traffic would be even worse, and Bucky had said on multiple occasions that they didn't have time to walk the miles in to the city. It also didn't help that waiting at the end of the train ride were people in lab coats with needles and scanners, hell bent on analyzing every bit of her. Coffee and baked goods were quickly becoming the only way that Bucky could bribe her to keep going, because apparently the imminent threat of illness wasn't enough.
"Anything different?" Bucky asked the nurse. It was the same girl as the first day; initially they thought she was just shy, but it seemed she simply did not make eye contact with anyone. She did her job, and did it efficiently, and Mika found she actually preferred it that way. She was here every three days; she didn't want to have to smile and chat up a new nurse every time.
"It dropped one tenth to eleven-point-six." she said. She scrolled through to make sure she wasn't missing anything before nodding and putting the tablet down, going to wash her hands. "See you in three days."
"Thank you, Jordan." Mika said. Even if it was just one tenth of a point, it still gave her that much more breathing room. The further she got from twelve, the better. Of course, it didn't help that Bucky's level was at a perfect eight, as if he'd never been dusted at all. He joked that it was the one good thing his super soldier serum had done.
They left the building, going to get Mika her breakfast as a reward for enduring all this. She could tell Bucky was stressed about it and trying very hard to hide it; she honestly didn't know why she wasn't more stressed about it. Perhaps she was so overwhelmed with new stressors that she emotionally wasn't capable of adding another one. Or maybe, after dealing with dying once already, the threat of sickness wasn't as terrifying. Either way, she was just going to consult a pastry about it.
After breakfast they went back to the subway and sat down on the hard plastic seats, Mika leaning her head on Bucky's shoulder. Most of the other patrons of their car seemed to be high school aged kids, all sitting with their earbuds and looking at their phones. Every once in a while, one would lean over to another, showing them something on the screens. She wondered if they'd all been lost to the snap, or if they'd grown up together in the weird after-world. Were they going off to school now? Or returning home from it?
She let her eyes wander until she made accidental eye contact with the boy right in front of them. Both of them froze, and while she knew she needed to look away, something made her eyes stay. She got the same weird feeling that her dreams gave her, a tug in the back of her mind. There was a memory, something from their time in the stone, that her brain hadn't unlocked yet - and this boy's face was forcing it. He pulled his headphones from his ears, letting them hang from the collar of his tshirt.
"Do I...I mean, I'm sorry...you, uh, look really familiar." he said. His voice was a little higher than she expected, but that was probably due to the nerves of being an awkward teenager addressing a strange adult. Next to her, Bucky kept his head low so the baseball cap would hide his face, but he was definitely listening to every word they said.
"I was going to say the same to you." she replied, her accent extra thick. Her mouth had gone dry, her stomach rolling. Did she know this kid? From the stone? She tried so hard to remember, but it just made spots appear before her eyes.
"Are you from here?" he asked, his face saying that he already knew the answer. She shook her head.
"Romania. Just moved here with my husband." she said, making Bucky stiffen next to her. She could practically hear his voice in her head, complaining that she was giving away more details than she needed to. The kid nodded, again unsurprised at her words. The train slowed to a stop at the next station and his friends pestered him to get up, but he kept looking at Mika until they pushed him onto the platform. Even then, Mika twisted in her seat and watched as the train pulled away, her nausea settling once they were out of sight.
Holy shit, this is your wife?
"Do you know who that was?" Bucky asked, and Mika turned around so fast that it made her dizzy for a second.
"I think I knew him." she said, her brows furrowing and her head hurting again. She stopped trying to think so hard about it. "Do you?"
"It was that spiderkid, from Berlin." he replied lowly. She knew his answer was true, but she didn't know how she would know him, unless it was from the stone. She'd interacted with very few people during and after the Berlin airport.
"What's his name?" she asked, thinking that if she just knew his name, then it would ease whatever weird thing was going on in her brain. The train shook and took a turn, making her vision swim for a moment. Damn this adult onset motion sickness.
One question at a time.
"Don't know, I'm sorry." Bucky said. After Berlin, he'd done his best to move on with his life. And now, it was all coming back around. Mika deflated, suddenly even more tired than she had been previously, and settled for leaning up against him until they reached their destination. She couldn't help but perseverate on that kid's face, annoyed that she couldn't place him and even more annoyed that her stomach kept protesting.
It's our souls in here, right?
Bucky took her hand as they reached their stop, pulling her up and leading her off the train. She barely noticed as they walked up the stairs, only getting distracted as they got to the busy New York street. Her senses were overwhelmed, her innards lurching and actually bringing her to a stop. He looked back, immediately concerned by her bent over posture and the pallor of her face. He put his hands on her shoulders, trying to get her to stand up straight, but any movement seemed to hurt her.
"Peter." she finally gasped out. "His name is Peter."
By the time Bucky understood what she meant, she'd already begun coughing, thick red blood splattering over her hand and the sidewalk. There was a cry of alarm from the people around them, the strangers immediately skirting around to give them a wide berth. He wrapped his arms around her waist, catching her before she could fall and holding her as she began to shake. Panic gripped his heart, and for a brief moment he was at a complete loss of what to do. They'd just left the tower, and they said her levels were fine - how could they change so fast?
"God, Bucky, it feels the same-" her words were cut off by another bout of coughing, more blood spilling from her mouth. He lowered her to the ground, telling her not to speak, just to breathe, that it was going to be alright.
"An ambulance is on its way." some kid - late teens, early twenties maybe - interrupted Bucky's thoughts. His voice was shaky, but he wasn't completely alarmed or disgusted by the situation. He wondered if the kid knew someone who'd developed the symptoms too.
"Thank you." Bucky said, the sirens already sounding from a few blocks down. He nodded, opening his mouth to say something else, but instead closing it and going to the edge of the sidewalk to look for the paramedics. Bucky turned his attention back to Mika, smoothing back her hair and telling her that it was alright, she was going to be alright, she just needed to hold on. The coughing had stopped for the moment, but she was still convulsing, murmuring so quietly in Romanian that even his super hearing couldn't decipher it over the hustle and bustle of the city. He felt helpless, sitting there on the concrete clutching her to his chest, not paying any mind to the blood that was all over him as well. He sat there, counting her heartbeats and listening for the sirens until they could finally see the lights coming down the street. The kid from before put his hand up, hailing the ambulance, and Bucky was eternally grateful for the help.
The paramedics were very efficient, prying Mika from his arms and laying her out on a stretcher. She looked so incredibly pale that for a moment Bucky was afraid she was dead, but a second later she was coughing again. He thought the paramedics attempted to tell him to stay and follow behind the ambulance, their words cut off by a glare from under his baseball cap. Like hell would he leave his wife right now, when she needed him most.
He sat, holding her hand as the paramedics hooked her up to machines and ran tests, the vehicle fighting its way through the New York traffic towards the tower. He could see it in the distance, standing proud, just out of reach. Would they make it in time? Would they even have anything there that could help her? Hours seemed to pass before they finally made it to the building, the ambulance pulling around to the back to the service elevators. These were big enough for the stretcher; Mika had finally stopped convulsing, and instead just seemed to be asleep, her body bouncing limply as they pushed the stretcher inside.
Helen met them outside the elevator, sparing Bucky just a glance before going to speak with the main paramedic. After that, it was just a whirlwind of questions and tests, and it was all he could do to keep up with them as they went to a completely different area of the medical bay than usual. He tried to stay quiet and out of the way as much as possible, knowing that the time would come when he could get some answers. He was smart enough to know that this was out of his wheelhouse; he was completely at the mercy of Helen and her team.
They got her settled in a room on some special bed that started giving readings on the wall as soon as they transferred her to it. She was still unconscious, her face a scary shade of grey and her fingers limp in his hand. Please let her be alright, he thought to himself, unsure if the words were a prayer or just something to get him through. Please. Please. I can't lose her. Not again.
"I need you to let go, Bucky." Helen said softly, interrupting his mantra of please, please, please. He looked at her, alarmed, wondering what she was going to do or where she was going to take Mika. She held up a large syringe, filled with a clear liquid. "I have to give this to her. It will help stabilize. But if you hold on, then the results from the bed are contaminated by your readings too."
"Right. Sorry." he said, his voice gruff thanks to how tight his throat felt. He finally let go of Mika's hand, his heart plummeting as it fell limply over the edge of the bed. Helen stoically moved her arm so that it rested next to her body, then swabbed her shoulder with an alcohol wipe. With no hesitation, she sank the needle into her skin and emptied the syringe. The little red heart on the wall behind Mika stopped blinking so fast, and the line charting her mean arterial pressure decreased as well. Her face relaxed, making her look like she was merely sleeping instead of dying.
"What happened?" Helen asked, sitting down on one of the rolling stools. Bucky sank into the chair next to the bed, resting his elbows on his knees.
"Everything was fine." he said, shaking his head and trying to remember the details of the day. "We were on the train and...there was this kid. I'd met him a few years ago, before the snap. Mika didn't, but she swore she knew him. Said his name was Peter." he let out a sigh, her face so clear in his mind's eye as she made the connection - and then the disaster that followed. "That's when she started coughing up blood."
Helen nodded, typing away on the tablet in her hand. It beeped once, and she frowned as the numbers arrived. "Her level is at eighteen point three."
"That sounds bad." he said, his insides immediately freezing. How high was too high? Helen made a noncommittal noise that Bucky thought was pretty typical of doctors that weren't quite ready to share bad news yet.
"It's not the worst I've seen, but she certainly will need a lot of treatment." she admitted, standing up and holding the tablet to her chest. "I'm going to introduce you to the doctor heading up the research on this. She'll be able to give you more information on the next course of action."
"But what about…" he stopped himself, trying to figure out how exactly to word this question. "How badly do I need to worry right now?"
"The serum has shown to stabilize patients when administered in a timely manner." she said, as if quoting a medical journal. She seemed to realize how clinical she sounded, and reached out to put a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "We're going to do everything we can."
"Thank you." he said. What else could he say? He couldn't look away from Mika, couldn't spare Helen a moment. He'd never seen her like this, and it killed him that there was absolutely nothing he could do to help.
"Do you want me to call anyone? Steve?" Helen offered. Bucky reached out, taking Mika's hand again. It was still limp, but at least it was warmer.
"I'll call her sister in a little bit. Once she wakes up and everything is settled." he replied. Helen was silent for a moment, and Bucky could hear what she didn't want to say: it may be a long time before she wakes up. But since she didn't say it out loud, he felt confident that he could simply ignore it.
"I'll be back with Dr. Kirsch." she said after a moment, the sliding glass door automatically opening for her and closing behind her, leaving him alone with the steady beeping of MIka's heart. He wondered if he should talk to her, if that would help her wake up. He remembered hearing something about that once, maybe with coma patients? But every time he opened his mouth the words stuck in his throat, and he finally just settled for sitting and holding her.
"Mr. Barnes," the glass door slid open again, revealing a middle-aged woman with thick glasses and wild blonde-grey hair. She pushed the wheels of her chair, rolling into the room so she could extend her hand for a shake. "I'm Dr. Kirsch. I must say, I wish we were meeting under different circumstances."
"Me too." he said dryly, shaking her hand. Unconsciously he slipped his metal hand into his pocket, and pulled the bill of his baseball cap a little lower. Dr. Kirsch rolled closer to Mika's bed, adjusting her glasses so she could read the numbers on the wall.
"The serum has stabilized her nicely, though her number is a little high for comfort." she said, her statement extra matter-of-fact with her German accent. She spun the chair so she was facing Bucky. "I'm sure you have many questions."
"Just one." he said, finally looking her in the eye. "Is she going to be alright?"
"That is the question of the hour, isn't it?" she said, folding her hands in her lap. "I'll be honest, we have not engineered a cure for the stone sickness yet. But we have a few promising leads. And at least, with the serum, we can keep things from getting much worse."
"So it is going to get worse?" he whispered. It was his second biggest fear at the moment. Dr. Kirsch let out a long breath.
"I certainly hope not. But there is a possibility." she said. Well, at least she was honest with him. That he could appreciate. She pulled a phone from her jacket pocket, tapping a few things on it and looking up to check Mika's levels once more. "We'll give her another hour, and if she doesn't wake up, we'll give her another dose of the serum."
"Thank you." he said, dropping his eyes again. He didn't want to think about her not waking up. He didn't want to think about the pain on her face right after she remembered the kid's name. But he did think of something else. "Right before...I guess the sickness set in, she said something strange. She said, 'it feels the same.' Could that be important?"
Dr. Kirsch furrowed her brows, thinking for a moment. "We haven't had reports of that before. Do you think she meant the same as the catalyst of the blip?"
"I don't know, I assume so." Bucky said. The words had sounded so strange at the moment that he hadn't really thought about it. But he couldn't imagine the fear she'd have if it did feel like the dust.
"We'll take that into account." she said. With one last nod, she pushed herself out, and this time no one else joined him. This time, he was left to count the seconds as they went by, waiting for his wife to wake up.
Oh no! Our poor angel is sick! How dare!
So turns out if you have knee surgery, that means you have plenty of time to lay on the couch and write, but that sometimes you have to take a spontaneous nap because of the pain medication. Wahoo! Either way, I'm glad to get this update out.
Special shoutout to those who were nice enough to take a second and review! I really really cherish all your thoughts and love to hear what you think about the chapters! We're winding down to a little break, so if you have any requests, speak now or wait until Falcon & Winter Soldier comes out!
Also, there's been a couple questions about Steve getting deserumed. I wish I had a super elaborate plan/answer, but if I'm honest, I did it just so that he could stay with dear sweet Nicky, but also still retire and give Sam the shield.
Thank you for reading! Please let me know your thoughts!
-XM