Chapter 5: Divide

With shaking hands, I examined the scissors that I had found in the bathroom cabinet.

As I examined the scissors and tested the sharpness of the blade, Sans' muffled voice came from the other side of the door, making me flinch violently and cut my arm. While Sans' voice carried on, I just mumbled, "Ouch."

Sans cut himself off, trying to open the bathroom door, "frisk, what's goin' on in there? why'd ya say ouch, kid?"

I looked in the mirror, glaring at my reflection, ignoring the raised line on my wrist as dots of blood began to appear. As I glared at my reflection with even more hatred, my gaze on one key thing, my voice shook, "Why do you need to know? You want to get rid of me anyways."

Sans had had enough of being locked out, blue magic overtaking the doorknob entirely, the door opening. Sans' gaze landed on my arm, and his features darkened, "kid... what do you think you're doing."

One moment the scissors were in my hands, and the next they were in Sans' hands. Crossing my arms, I frowned, "I'm not doing anything. You're the one who scared me so badly and made me flinch. Now give me the scissors back." As I reached for the scissors, Sans took a step back, making me furrow my brows, "Sans, seriously, give me the scissors."

Sans shook his head, "no can do kiddo, i can't have you hurting yourself."

A strangled noise escaped my lips as I threw my hands up in exasperation, "I wasn't going to hurt myself! I already have enough scars as it is, why in the world would I add more?!"

Sans' features lightened some as he raised his non-existent brows, gaze on my arm, "then how do you explain that cut on your arm? sure seems like it was intentional."

I sat down on the toilet seat, running a hand through my hair, before wincing and quickly retracting it from the long locks, "Like I said, I didn't know you were right outside of the bathroom door, so when you began talking, I flinched and the scissors went to my arm. Like you told Grillby, I flinch at practically everything."

A guilty look came across Sans' features, before it was gone and he simply sighed, "okay, if you want the scissors back, you're gonna have to tell me why ya want them so bad."

I dug my nails into my thumbs, feeling panicky inside, "I was just... I just wanted to... cut my hair." The panicky feeling inside intensified, and the hot and cold flushes came along with the dizziness, and the knot forming in my stomach.

Sans took notice of my quickly oncoming state, setting the scissors on the sink counter top and kneeling beside me, "hey, kid, look at me, are you okay?"

I waved a dismissive hand, trying to relax myself and control my breathing, "Fine. Just... wait."

After what felt like hours, which, in reality, was only about 30 minutes, I had managed to calm down.

Sans put a gentle hand on my back as I looked up, "hey, you okay kid?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath, "Yeah, fine. When that happens, you just have to let me ride it out. That's what I always do."

Sans frowned slightly, "kid, do you know what that was?" When I shook my head, Sans asked another question, "what happens when that happens? like, do you get panicked, or...?"

Nodding, I explained, "I just get really panicky inside, get hot and cold flushes, I get dizzy, and... yeah. It happens sometimes."

Sans sat on the bathtub edge, crossing his arms, "kid, those are called anxiety attacks. they can happen when someone thinks they're in danger, and so on."

I bit my lip, looking to the ground, "Oh."

Sans stood up, holding a hand out to me to help me stand up, "frisk, did you think you were in danger?"

Taking Sans' hand, I stood up, my voice quiet, "... I dunno. Maybe."

Sans put a gentle hand under my chin, making me look at him, his expression both sad and concerned, "why?"

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I swiped angrily at them, tired of crying, "Something that happened a while ago. It's nothing."

Sans furrowed his nonexistent brows, "if it caused you to have an anxiety attack, then it's not nothin', kid. just talk to me; you'll feel better, it's guaranteed."

I smiled slightly, before the smile disappeared. The panicky feeling rose up again, but I breathed deeply to keep it down, my voice soft, "My father said- - He- -... He told me that if I ever cut my hair, then he would use the Colombian Necktie on me."

Sans' expression didn't change, but his eyes were hesitantly curious, "a colombian what?"

I felt my heart drop, and I was sure I had paled immensely, "A Colombian Necktie. It- - It's..." I took a moment, before whispering quickly and weakly, "It's where the throat's slashed horizontally, and then the tongue is pulled out through the wound."

It took a moment for Sans to react, but when he did, his expression was outright murderous.

Sans' voice was low as he spoke more to himself than to me, "you're just a kid, and he- - that asshole- -" Sans turned his back to me, taking a moment to breathe and calm down.

I kept my distance, the anxiety in me welling up some, "Sans, it's okay, really, I- -"

Sans whirled around, his expression seeming broken, "it is not okay. you are a kid, and you never should have gone through any of the hell that your fa- - that the asshole put you through." Taking another few moments to cool off, Sans' held out a hand to me, "c'mon kid, let's go have dinner. paps made some spaghetti for us." As Sans led me downstairs to the kitchen, he got in one more word with me, "oh, and frisk? ya don't have to worry about being sent back to the surface. you're stayin' here."

As Sans sat down at the dinner table, I stood there, dumbfounded, until my sense came back to me.

Sitting down at the table, I smiled, an actual full smile, for the first time in years.

"Hey, Grillby, I have a question."

The flame monster set a strawberry milkshake with extra whipped cream down in front of me, motioning for me to continue.

I cleared my throat, "What do you know about timelines?"

Grillby froze, his flames slightly dwindling, "Why do you ask?"

I took a sip of my milkshake, nervous, "Well... Do you know who Chara is?"

Grillby flinched slightly, so slightly that I almost didn't see it, "Yes, Chara Dreemur. What about her?"

I bit my lip, trying not to fidget too much, "She's a ghost, that only I can see and hear, I guess. We think that if you can tell us what timelines are, we can start to piece together the memories from... well, not in this life, but the last one?"

Grillby took my empty milkshake glass, which I didn't even remember drinking, "Young one, you and Chara need to stop. Do not try and piece things together. There are things from the last timeline that... you shouldn't see, or remember."

I bit my lip, thinking, "So, the timelines are just like... past lives, almost? It's a bit different each time, and sometimes you may not be the same person, but in this case with the timelines, I'm the same person every time. The only things that are different this life are my family, and my age, and a few other things. Right?"

Grillby sighed, running a hand through his flames, "To put it simply, yes... Frisk, please promise me that you won't try and remember everything? There's... a lot that you're not going to be ready for, and I don't believe that you will ever be ready for it."

Digging my nails into my thumbs, I shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe I won't be ready for it, but that doesn't mean that I can just not remember. I don't have any control over what I remember and what I don't remember. Sometimes they come in dreams, sometimes it's in a random flashback during the day." I sighed, letting my hands drop to my lap, "And I know that there's probably a lot more that I shouldn't remember. Apparently I had a sister, who was murdered, and I was the one who found her body. I really can't imagine anything worse than that, but if you say there's more, then... I believe you."

Grillby leaned on the bar, looking at me with a grim and uneasy expression in his eyes, "Young one, are you okay? It seems as if you are taking this really well, but I am concerned about how well you seem to be taking this."

I grabbed the counter-top, spinning myself since the chair was a spinny one, "It's whatever. I guess having the experience of going through bad things makes me have less of a reaction to other bad things. I dunno."

Grillby was quiet for a moment, before asking me another question, "I know you may not want to talk about it, but what exactly have you gone through? I know in the last timeline, your parents weren't fit to be taking care of kids, so that may be the case for this timeline?"

I stopped spinning, and became incredibly quiet, before looking back up to Grillby, "Do you happen to have any scissors by any chance?"

Caught off guard by the question, Grillby slowly nodded, "I believe there is a pair in the back room. May I ask why?"

"Would you be willing to cut my hair?" I asked quietly. Biting my lip, I continued, "I was going to cut it myself earlier, but I didn't get the chance to."

Not questioning me, Grillby nodded, before heading to the back room and grabbing the scissors.

Silently, Grillby came onto my side of the bar counter, stepping behind me, "How short?"

I took a shaky breath, the panicky feeling beginning to appear, "Short enough, that... no one can grab it and use it against me, ever again."

Grillby got to work, cutting my hair up to my shoulders, before stopping momentarily, "Frisk, are you sure? You loved your long hair in the last run."

Tears threatened to appear, my voice soft, "I'm sure."

Grillby continued his work, until my hair was cut up to my ears.

Setting the scissors down on the counter, Grillby went into the back room for a small hand-held mirror for me, "I got it as short as I could. I've never come across anything that could be used to shave hair, so this will have to do for now."

Taking the hand-held mirror in my hands, I examined my hair. It was short enough that if someone tried to grab it, they would lose their grip easily.

I got up from the bar stool, setting the mirror down on the counter and throwing my arms around Grillby.

Tears escaped from my eyes, getting onto Grillby's outfit as we hugged one another. My voice was barely a whisper, for if I raised it any higher, it would break, "Thank you, Grillby."

Grillby only hugged me tighter.

"kid, you've really gotta stop leaving during the night without tellin' me."

I winced slightly instead of flinching, turning to face Sans, "I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to Grillby about something, and get my hair cut."

Sans smiled slightly, "yeah, i see that. the hair looks nice, by the way." His smile lessening some, Sans sat down next to me on the couch, "ya know that you can come to me if ya need anythin', right?"

I pulled my blanket up to my chin, nodding slightly, "I know. I just didn't want to bother you last night with a question that you may not have been able to answer, and a stupid haircut."

Sans sighed, "first off: the haircut isn't stupid, it was an important thing to you. second: just what do you and grillbs talk about that's so complicated and difficult for me to understand?"

I bit my lip, debating on whether to tell Sans or not, "It may not be so complicated, but maybe more like... a lot to process and take in. I just- - I don't even know much about what's going on right now with the 'complicated' issue, so I think I'll talk to you about it once I learn more. Deal?"

Sans was quiet for a moment, before giving me a small smile, "yeah, deal. just leave a note or somethin' next time."

After a small bit of hesitation, I wrapped my arms around Sans, giving him a hug, "Thank you for being my friend."

Sans returned the hug, chuckling, "no problem, kid."

Pulling away from the hug, I stood up and got my shoes on, "I'm going to go see Toriel now, okay?"

Sans waved a dismissive hand, already nodding off on the couch, "sure kid, stay safe."

Heading out into the chilly Snowdin air, I began to make my way towards the Ruins.

Now that monsters weren't constantly trying to attack me, I actually made my way to the Ruins a lot quicker.

But as I went to cross the small bridge to get to the Ruins, something happened.

Taking a few steps forward, one of the large wooden planks came loose, dropping into the chasm below as my feet went down with it.

A sharp gasp escaped from my lips as I went down, throwing my arms out to catch the wooden beam just below the bridge.

Landing so strongly on my arms, I took in a sharp breath and whimpered, knowing I wouldn't be able to hold on for long.

Hoisting myself up slightly, my right arm held on tightly to the beam, while my left hand grabbed my phone from my short's pocket.

My whole body shaking as I held myself up, I quickly dialed Sans' number, "Please pick up, please pick up…."

I heard the click of the phone, and then Sans' groggy voice, "heya kiddo, miss me already?"

Gasping as my hold began to loosen on the beam, I spoke quickly, "Sans, I was crossing the bridge to the Ruins and one of the boards came loose and I fell and- -"

Sans seemed wide awake now, "whoa kiddo, slow down. now, what's the deal right now?"

I took a breath to calm myself, "I'm hanging off of a beam right now, dangling over a deep chasm. Think you can hurry?"

Sans gave me the affirmative, saying something about a shortcut, and telling me to stay on the phone.

But as soon as those words left his mouth, my arm slid off of the beam, that sickening falling sensation deep within my stomach.

.

.

.

.

"kid, i was gonna say that you really should stop leavin' during the night, but i think there's something more urgent than that, and we should talk about it."

I pulled the blanket up to my chin again, knowing what was coming next, "Okay."

Sans sat down next to me, running a hand over his skull, "kid, some weird things have been happening since you've been here, so i can only assume that it's related to you." After a moment, Sans continued, "there've been times where time goes back some, and some things are relived; are you the one doing that?"

I nodded, my words starting to tumble out, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sans! I don't mean to die and restart everything, I just- -"

Sans put his hands on my shoulders, "kid, cut that bullshit right now, and slow down. just explain. there's no need for an apology, and there's no need for panicking. okay?"

I took a breath, fully realizing that Sans wouldn't hurt me like my father would, "Okay." After taking a moment to think my words through, I began to speak, "Every time I've died down here, I reset. I come back from a certain point in time, and continue on."

Sans took the first shaky breath I've heard from him, pulling me closer, "and that's why the world will sometimes fade into darkness, and there's a sense of deja vu. right?"

I nodded, leaning my head on Sans' shoulder, "Yeah... I'm sorry."

Feeling a droplet of liquid on my head, I went to look up at Sans, but he only held me tighter to him, "kid, didn't i just say to stop apologizin'? you're the one who's already died nine times."

I wrapped my arms around Sans, whispering, "Sorry."

After what felt like hours, Sans cleared his throat.

His voice came out a lot deeper than usual, "now that we're on such a serious topic, mind if i poach a subject or two?"

I sighed, "Go ahead."

Sans took a moment, thinking of what to say, "there have been a few times where you've cut yourself off in the middle of speaking. specifically, when you're talking about something involving your good ol' dad on the surface. and there have also been times where've you said something that's... concerning." When I didn't say anything, Sans continued, "take earlier in the bathroom, for example. you said somethin' about how you 'have enough scars as it is'. just... what exactly did you mean by that?"

I bit my lip so hard, that I was afraid I might bite through it, "It's- - Um, it's- - ...hard to explain." After sitting in silence for a moment, I stood up and began to lift my shirt, "It'd be easier to just show you."

Lifting my shirt and stopping just below my chest, I spun in a slow circle, showing Sans the scars on both my abdomen and backside. After that slow spin, I let my shirt down and rolled up my sleeves, holding my arms out for Sans to see the scars there too.

As I went to show him my thighs, Sans' hand shot out and grabbed my arm, his voice quiet, "stop. just stop, kid."

I bit my lip even harder than I already had, drawing blood, "I'm sorry, did I do something wro- -"

Sans sat me down on the couch next to him, the white pinprick's in his eyes somehow showing all of the horror and disgust he felt, "no kid, no. you didn't do anything wrong." After a moment, Sans let out a big sigh, looking down at his hands, "i know i've said this before, but you're just a kid. how- - why- -"

I put a gentle hand on skeleton's shoulder, scooting a bit closer, "Hey, it's okay. I- -"

Sans jumped up from the couch, beginning to pace, "but it's not okay! you're a fucking child, and this guy decides he's going to what, hold you down as he slits your wrists? ties you to a bed-post or some shit and whips you like a fucking slave?"

"Yes."

Sans froze mid-pace, absolutely still.

I hugged my knees up to my chest, continuing on for some odd reason, "Except he had me hold onto the side of the bathtub while he took a broken glass bottle and 'carved the sins from a corrupt child'... And the slit wrists are from the time he faked my suicidal tendencies and acted as the heroic and noble father who had saved his daughter and planned on helping her... And the scars on my abdomen are—they—"

Feeling the world drop from beneath me, I braced myself for another flashback.

.

I lay on the cold, unforgiving operating table, tears falling into my ears in this position, my nose stinging.

"Lay straight, don't move."

I did as I was told, but turned my head to look at the person wielding the scalpel, my voice desperate and broken, "Dad, please, don't."

Getting no response, my father continued on, checking to see if everything was in place before he could begin.

My body shook as he lowered the scalpel down to my bare stomach, my voice rising in pitch, "Dad please! I don't want to be part of this experiment! I don't want to be part of it!"

The scalpel was at my throat in an instant, ready to spill my dark crimson blood, "Shut your mouth, now. If someone finds us in here, it is all over." Clearing his throat, my father went back to my abdomen with the scalpel, "Now, relax, take a breath."

"This is going to hurt."

.

Screaming for help, I wrapped my arms around my stomach, caving in on myself.

Cool arms were around me in an instant, a voice trying to soothe me, "kid, kid you're okay. you're here, with me, in snowdin. you're in the underground now, and you are safe. listen to me, please kid. just listen to the words coming from my mouth. you are okay. you are safe. i'm here to protect you."

My breathing was ragged, my arms still wrapped around myself, but I had calmed considerably.

Taking some shaky breaths, I let out a bitter laugh, "I'm sorry Sans. I am an absolute mess that you did not ask for."

I could feel Sans shrug as he hesitantly let go of me, hoping I was calmer now, "eh, i have experience with dealing with absolute messes. i mean, take a look at me. aren't i the most accurate manifestation of a train-wreck?"

Shaking my head, I looked up at Sans, "Not as big of a train-wreck as me. But you don't even look like you'd be a train-wreck. You just seem really relaxed most of the time, and laid back."

Sans shrugged again, "sure, kid. anywho, ya still visitin' your mom, or are you goin' to stay here this time? cause if ya wanna see your mom, ya gotta know that i'm comin' with."

I rubbed my face, trying to get all of the stress off of it, "Um, neither. I think I'm actually gonna go see Alphys and Mettaton, since, you know, I kind of broke down the last time I saw them."

Sans gave me a lazy smile, putting his legs up on the couch, "okay kid, have fun. be safe, don't die."

I rolled my eyes, slipping my shoes on and beginning to leave the house, "Ha ha, so funny Sans. I'll be back in a few hours."

Giving Sans a small wave goodbye, I stepped out into Snowdin's chilly air, beginning towards Hotland.

Walking into the lab, I found Alphys at her desk immediately.

Heading over to her, I smiled, "Hey Alphys."

Alphys jumped in her seat, turning her head to see me, "O-Oh, Frisk! You can, can talk now? And you've, you've cut your hair!"

I nodded, "Yeah, I've been able to talk. It was just a choice not to. And um, as for the hair... do you have like, something to shave it with?"

Alphys seemed a bit confused, but slowly nodded her head, "I-I have something upstairs. An, an electric razor, I think. Do you want me to, to go get it?"

Hesitant, I nodded, and stood silently as Alphys went to get the razor.

Looking over at the large screen with me on it, I went over my appearance again.

The bags under my amber eyes seemed to have lightened, even if it had only been about two or three days away from home. My cuts and bruises were practically healed up, with the exception of the ugly mixture of purple and yellow around my throat. But all things considered, I looked much... healthier than I had been on the Surface. Even if I've only been in the Underground for a few days.

When a hand reached up to my shoulder, I jumped, before realizing that Alphys was back with the electric razor.

Walking back over to Alphys' desk, I let her sit in the chair while I sat on the floor.

Hearing the buzz of the razor, I closed my eyes, letting Alphys get to work on my remaining hair.

After a few moments, the buzzer stopped and Alphys stood up, "It's, it's done now. If you want, you can, can take a look."

Standing up, I went over to the large screen I had been standing in front of earlier, and tears pricked my eyes.

My bruises and cuts were very distinct now, but... my hair was gone.

A wobbly smile made it's way onto my face, as I realized that this was like some sort of... divide from my life on the Surface, and the new life I was making down here in the Underground.

I turned to Alphys, throwing my arms around her, my voice quiet, "Thank you."

Alphys let out a surprised 'oh', before wrapping her arms around me as well, "F-Frisk, I didn't really do anything."

I hugged her tighter, the hot tears dripping off the tip of my nose and onto her science coat, "No, Alphys you didn't do just anything."

Wiping my eyes, I broke the hug, looking at the confused dinosaur monster through a blur of tears.

"You gave me freedom. You gave me some control."