Chapter 10: Growth

After another three months in the Underground, Mettaton and I had gotten far with the teleporter, and expected to have it done within another three months or so.

"Look, I'm just saying, if the teleporter needs a soul to get up and running, then I won't hesitate to jump right in."

Mettaton rolled his eyes, getting up and crossing over to his desk to grab a snack, "And you know that won't work because?"

I sighed, leaving the teleporter and joining Mettaton for a break, "Because you won't let me take a calculated risk."

Mettaton took a bite of his starfait, before crossing his arms and leaning onto his desk, "Darling, it can't be a calculated risk if you don't know a logical, probable outcome. For all we know, this idea of yours could fail miserably, and result in someone getting injured. So unless we can find out more, there will be no souls involved."

Shrugging, I glanced over at the teleporter, an idea already running through my head. Looking back over to Mettaton, I gave him a small smile, "I think I'm gonna have to leave you on your own for a bit, MTT. I have something else I want to check out before we can fully continue on with the project. Think you'll be able to handle being by yourself?"

Mettaton chuckled, tossing a cinnamon bunny my way, "Darling, a star like me always has things covered."

Taking a deep breath, I gently set my hand on the slightly rusted doorknob, uneasy as I began to open the white door with the peeling paint.

Slowly pushing the door opened, the mustiness of the wave of air had me stand back for a moment, before I forced my feet to take several steps forward and into the void.

Feeling Gaster begin to creep up behind me, the door closing, I felt incredibly small.

Turning around, I looked up at the former scientist, trying to ignore the dangerous glare he was giving me. To my surprise, my voice came out clear and not at all shaky, "I don't want to fight. I just want to help you get home."

Gaster seemed to be fighting the urge to attack like last time, and looked down at me as if I were a pesky little cockroach, "And ᎳhaᎢ do you ᏀaᏆn from this? How does this ᏏenᏋfᎥt you?"

I pressed my lips into a tight line, before meeting Gaster's gaze, "I gain the happiness of a friend, I hope. Nothing else. I desire nothing else."

Analyzing me, Gaster lost some of his tension, his voice finally clearing out to be the one I knew, "If I find that you were anything other than truthful with me, then there shall be dire consequences."

Smiling, I held out my hand for him to shake, "Don't worry Dr., that won't be a problem. Now, let's properly introduce ourselves. I'm Frisk Saunders."

Trying to hide the disgust from his face as he looked down at my hand, Gaster crossed his arms behind his back, "Dr. W.D. Gaster, as you already know."

Taking no offense to Gaster's unwillingness to shake my hand, I let my arm drop back down to my side, "Yep, I indeed know who you are. Now, if you're anything like the old Gaster, you're able to see the world move on around you when you're in here, yes?"

Gaster gave me a slight nod, "To an extent, yes, that would be correct. I can see what you're doing with that little machine of yours, and I regret to inform you that you are doing a multitude of things incorrectly."

Crossing my arms, I looked up at the skeleton monster, "And just what would that be?"

Gaster sighed, beginning to pace already, "To begin with, some scientists believe it is not possible to transport macroscopic objects such as humans, but there may be teleportation in the microscopic world. Three possible kinds of teleportation in quantum mechanics and quantum electrodynamics have been proposed: state teleportation, energy teleportation, and particle teleportation. Now, a quantum state of a particle could be teleported to another distant particle, but the two particles do not move at all; state teleportation. And researchers believe that quantum teleportation is the foundation of quantum calculation and quantum communication. Now— you—you didn't understand any word that just came out of my mouth, did you."

Digging my fingernails into my thumbs, I shook my head with a sheepish smile, "No, I'm sorry. I'm not as knowledgeable as you, Dr. Gaster."

Gaster's features softened hardly at all, but they did, and he sighed, "Briskly gather paper and a writing utensil. Jot down what I say, and take it to that robot to figure it out."

I brought out my small journal and pencil, giving Gaster a small smile, "I really am sorry about this, Doctor. This would go so much more faster if I had even an ounce of intelligence."

Narrowing his eyes slightly, Gaster told me what I needed to know, before a moment of silence passed, "Are you trying to elicit pity from me by making those remarks? Because it will not work."

My eyes widened a fraction, before I sent my gaze back down onto what I had jotted down, "Sorry, sir, I didn't realize I was doing that."

Gaster sighed, before somewhat gently taking my journal to look over my writing, "Well, it appears you're competent enough to listen. You may leave now."

Biting my lip, I took my journal back and began walking to the door, before I stopped. I crossed back over to Gaster, opening up my journal to a new blank page, "Dr. Gaster?"

Gaster arched his nonexistent eyebrow, looking down at me, "Yes, what is it?"

Taking a small breath, I continued, "I—Well, I was wondering if—would you like me to bring anything next time? Anything you want from your lab, or maybe a snack to enjoy?"

Gaster looked taken aback, opening and closing his mouth twice without answering. After a few seconds, Gaster regained his composure, "You may leave now."

I reluctantly put my things away, and dug my fingernails into my thumbs as I made my way to the door I had come through.

What could I do to make him feel better?

Stepping out of the shower, I smiled slightly at the fogged up mirror, before wiping the mirror so I could see my reflection.

In the total of five months that I had been here now, my hair was already back to it's original length of a whopping 4 1/2 feet.

Sighing, I began to comb my hair out again, before grabbing the scissors from the cupboard, and chopping it all off again.

With my hair up to my ears, and somewhat choppy, I threw on my striped sweater and shorts, before heading out into the living room and collapsing onto the couch.

Mettaton and I had done a lot of running around today, looking for the new components for our revised teleporter plan, and had also done a lot of heavy lifting.

Blowing a puff of air out of my lips, I got back up, walking around the house a bit aimlessly since Sans and Papyrus weren't home yet.

Deciding to go ahead and clean the bathroom, I got the cleaning supplies out of the kitchen closet, and went upstairs.

Lifting the toilet lid first, I emptied three cups of vinegar into the pot and started scrubbing with the toilet brush.

After several moments of the brush scrubbing against the porcelain, I started humming, something I had done multiple times when I was home alone. I stopped humming momentarily, listening for anyone in the house, and then let myself begin to sing incredibly softly.

"Love of my life, you've hurt me," my voice seemed to boom in the bathroom. "You've broken my heart, and now you leave me. Love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me," I trailed off, humming the rest of the song to myself.

When I was done with the toilet, I moved on to the shower, using the same method for the tub.

Smiling to myself, I began to sing another song, more loudly than the previous, "I walked across, an empty land, I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth, beneath my feet, sat by the river and it made me complete. Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting tired and I need someone to rely on. I came across, a fallen tree, I felt the branches of it looking at me. Is this the place, we used to love? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Oh simple thing, where have you—"

"HUMAN!"

Jumping violently, I fell forward and into the bathtub, my head shooting up as I looked at Papyrus and Sans standing in the bathroom doorway.

Pushing myself up onto my feet again, I could feel my entire face turn red, "How—When did—How long have you been standing there?"

Sans grinned, leaning against the door frame, "dunno kid, just about when you started singin'?"

Papyrus rushed into the bathroom, scooping me up in his arms, "Oh Human Frisk, that was so pretty!"

"Wha—I—no, that—it—"

Sans chuckled, before turning to leave, "i'd just take the compliment kid, or else he won't stop trying to get ya to accept one."

When Papyrus finally set me down, I gave him a shy smile, mumbling, "Thank you. For saying my singing was pretty."

Papyrus beamed, taking my hand in his, "No worries tiny Human! Now, let's prepare the last meal of the day!"

"Dr. Gaster? Is it okay if I come in?"

I stepped foot into the Void, seeing Gaster gesture for me to come in.

Walking over to him, I nervously started rummaging around in my satchel, "Dr. Gaster? Last time, you just told me to leave, and I wasn't exactly sure what you would want, but, well, here." I took out the picture I had seen in the lab when Chara and I had been investigating, along with a few snacks from Snowdin.

Gaster froze when he saw the picture, and gently took it into his trembling hand, his voice soft, "Where did you get this?"

Sitting down to the goopy skeleton, I held onto the treats I had brought with me, "It was in a mess of papers, in your desk drawer. I almost missed it the first time I was looking. Why?"

The scientist looked at the photo, a fond smile resting on his face, "It has been quite a while since I've laid eyes on this. Thank you."

I felt warm inside, knowing that I had just made some progress with Gaster. After a moment, my voice came out quietly, "What's her name?"

Gaster smiled more then, "Arial. Her name was Arial. She was beautiful, wasn't she? And her smile; her smile was like the glowing sunshine. And her laugh," the skeleton chuckled before continuing, "her laugh sounded more like a lunatic, but I loved it nonetheless."

Smiling, I looked back at the picture again, seeing how lovingly Gaster was looking at Arial.

I sighed, before looking back up at Gaster, "You know, I want to love someone like that someday."

Gaster looked a little taken aback, before looking at me curiously, "You don't want someone else to love you like that?"

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I sort of smiled, "Well, yeah, I want someone else to love me like that, but I also want to love someone like that. You know?" When Gaster gave me a small nod, I smiled and held out the treats I had brought, "I brought you some snacks too. I have some spider cider, and a cinnamon bunny, and I even brought a piece of Toriel's butterscotch pie. I thought you might enjoy them."

Gaster slowly lost his smile, clearing his throat, "Well, I can't accept the offer. I am unable to eat here in the void."

I frowned slightly, before handing him the spider cider, "How do you know? I've only recently come here, and no one else has been here to supply you with food or drinks."

Gaster thought about this momentarily, before lifting the cider to his mouth, and taking a drink. Realizing that he could indeed consume edible items, Gaster lit up, "I don't know how it's possible, as science currently fails to explain this, but thank you."

I gave Gaster a small smile, "No problem. Now, I have to go for a bit, to help Mettaton with that teleporter. I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?"

Gaster returned my small smile, "I'll see you then, child."

Giving Gaster a small wave goodbye, I stepped back out into Waterfall, smiling at the quick progress I had made with Gaster.

While I was helping Papyrus with dinner, I thought about asking him if he knew anyone named Gaster, but the thought of doing so sent knots into my stomach and made me chew on my lips.

Instead, I made the question more general, "Hey Papyrus?" Getting a 'hmm?' from the skeleton, I continued on, "What were your parents like?"

Papyrus dropped the glass bowl he had been mixing batter in, jumping when the glass shattered.

Dropping to my knees, I immediately began to help him pick the glass shards up, my voice coming out slightly panicked, "I am so sorry, Papyrus, I am so so sorry."

Papyrus helped me up to my feet again, giving me a sheepish smile, "It's okay Human, I am the one who dropped the bowl in the first place."

Crossing over to the kitchen closet, I got out some paper towels to clean up the batter, feeling bad about asking about Papyrus' parents.

After I had gotten up to throw the paper towels away, Papyrus voice came from behind me, uncharacteristically quiet, "My mother was Head of the Royal Guard. She trained really hard to protect me and Sans, but she was always there for us, always patient and kind."

I chewed on my lip nervously, before asking about Gaster, "And your dad?"

Papyrus frowned slightly, something that seemed unnatural on the skeleton, "I don't know if I know him, Human Frisk. I know he was a scientist, like Sans, but I don't know. I just... can't seem to remember."

Furrowing my eyebrows, I noted to ask others about Gaster too, to see who remembered him. My voice soft, I looked up to Papyrus, "What was her name?"

Papyrus smiled then, a welcome sight on the skeleton's face, "Arial."

"Okay Dr. Gaster, we were able to find everything and get everything planned out, but it'll take at least four to five months to finish."

Gaster nodded, taking in my simple explanation.

Knowing full well that he didn't want to ask, I got out the snacks I had brought with, "I don't know what you prefer, so I just brought a variety of snacks. I got anything I could from Snowdin to Hotland, so you could choose what you want and don't want."

Gaster happily picked out a glass of spider cider, a slice of Toriel's butterscotch pie, and some crab apples.

I anxiously chewed on my lip, before blurting out what was on my mind before Gaster could take a bite of anything, "Is Papyrus your son?"

When Gaster froze, I felt my heart drop, and knew I had picked a touchy subject that was probably better left alone.

My voice came out weak now, and I wasn't sure I should continue on, "I mean, I know I shouldn't be prying, but it's confusing me and sending me in circles. In that video log, you said you had driven your only son away. But it really seems like Papyrus is your son too, since him and Sans share the same mom, and he does look quite similar to you."

Any warmth Gaster had shown towards me seemed to go out the door, the skeleton narrowing his eyes at me, "Your meddling is quite unwelcome."

I shut my mouth, knowing that I shouldn't continue on. But something seemed to be nagging at me, and I began speaking again, "I think he is your son. But you either didn't know that, or you're ashamed of him, because—"

Gaster rose from his sitting position, his voice trembling as it grew in volume, "How dare you assume that I could even be remotely ashamed of my own son."

My own voice began to shake, but not from anger, "I'm sorry, it's just—I'm trying to piece some things together; make sense of things."

Hearing the fear laced within my voice, and noticing my tense posture, Gaster sank back into sitting position.

Gaster's voice came out very quietly, almost inaudibly, "I am not ashamed of Papyrus. I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed to label myself as his father."

Steeling my nerves, I sat down next to Gaster, feeling awkward at first, but then becoming more relaxed as I ran a soothing hand up and down the scientist's back. With Gaster being this vulnerable with me, I knew that though there may still be a bit of hostility with me on certain subjects, he had practically destroyed the barrier he had put between us.

Gaster sighed, accepting the comfort I was giving, "I cannot even begin to allow myself to be called his father, for I am unworthy. My actions against Humans, a race he has come to adore, are unforgivable. I could not be a father to Sans, and therefore cannot be a father to Papyrus."

Biting my lip, I thought about what to say, "Is... Is this about those experiments?"

Gaster nodded, putting his face in his hands, exhausted, "I should have found another way. I should have told Sans no; I don't know why I would ever allow him to participate in something as foolish as those damned experiments. And those small children should—those children deserved better than the slow end I gave them."

I took my hand from Gaster's back, crawling out to be in front of him, making him look up at me. I began my small speech that I had thought about, uncertainly, haltingly, "But you regret your actions. Yes, maybe—you should have told Sans to take a step back, and should have made him sit out of the experiments. But, Sans, he went into that. Willingly." I bit my lip for a moment, before continuing, "But you—you didn't—Gaster, you didn't try to kill Sans. You didn't threaten him with brutal acts of violence, or lock him in a dark basement after beating him."

Gaster looked away from me, hiding the look of pity that had risen on his features, but still continuing on with his words, "That may be true, but I did things truly unforgivable."

Furrowing my eyebrows, I let out a frustrated noise, "Gaster, can you please just shut up? You're a good dad, okay? I mean, I don't know anything, really, about having good parents, but from what I've seen, you're a pretty damn good dad." When Gaster still didn't believe me, I took a small breath, feeling my face turn red, "Look at yourself. You feel so much remorse, and so much shame that you've convinced yourself that you are an awful father. But this guilt, this shame? It only shows me how much you want to change so your sons could have gotten the life they deserved. My father would never feel like this. He didn't feel any ounce of regret or shame when he strapped me down to a table and cut me open without any anesthesia or pain medication... You are a good father, Gaster. And you could be a great one, if you just gave yourself the chance."

"But how could I live with myself if I just ignore the problem and claim Papyrus as my son? I can't be in his life without telling him about my past. He needs to know what I've done, and then if he wants me in his life, then I'll be in his life. But with the things I have done? How I don't know anything about parenting? I don't think he'll want someone like me to even be associated with him." Gaster rambled on, saying other things under his breath as he began to think more and more.

I put a gentle hand on Gaster's arm, trying to offer some form of comfort, "This might sound weird, but I think you know at least a little bit of parenting. Because if I know something about parenting, it's that the parent always puts their child first. No matter the consequences, no matter what. And right now, you're showing me that you don't want to be in Papyrus' life not because you don't love him, but because you want what's best for him. And parents also want their children to feel safe with them, and you want to give Papyrus that option... Besides, Papyrus could never hate you. He's not that type of person. Okay, Gaster?"

Gaster was silent for a few moments, before reaching out and pulling me into his arms, his voice almost inaudible.

"Thank you."

My smile was small as Gaster hugged me, because I had made some headway with him. I had managed to get past his defenses quickly, and I saw behind that stony scientist's mask. And I felt like that had somehow strengthened a bond between us, making it easier to work and get along with.

"You're welcome."

I know, I haven't posted a proper update in a week. I'm sorry!

And I kind of hate saying this, but I've been feeling pretty burnt out lately, and I think I may need to take a step back from writing. Not forever! Don't worry, it's just going to be a little bit of a break! At the most, it will probably be about a month, which, I know, feels like forever. But I want to take this little break so I can come up with some better content for you guys and update on time, instead of filler chapters and updates that are all janky.

So for now, I'm signing off until the 16th of May (unless inspiration hits me), and I'll see you guys then.

Until Next Time~