Amy knows about the rules.
She knows about them, because she came up with the idea. They're all written down in her notebook, listed one point after another in her perfect handwriting.
Rule #1: No display of affection in front of Sarah.
Rule #2: No telling anyone we're dating.
Rule #3: No sleepovers (nor simple visits during the night) at Jake's when Sarah's here.
She knows all about them, and would usually follow them without fault but right now, she has to make an exception. They already broke one earlier anyway, when the whole squad finally found out about their relationship. Amy's been sitting on her couch, freaking out about Holt being gone and the whole squad finally learning about Jake and her and what her new Captain will be like for an hour now and hasn't been able to relax since.
What if the new person in charge is just like her old mentor? Years later, she still has nightmares about that time.
So Amy knows about the rules, but she also knows she won't calm down unless she has someone to talk to about all of this. Unless she talks to Jake. He truly is the only person she wants to vent about her fears with. As she forces herself up and leaves her apartment, she hopes he'll understand why she's breaking another rule tonight.
Her knock is weak against the front door, barely resonating on the other side. It's past Jake's daughter's curfew; at least Amy made sure of that. She doesn't want to wake her up by making too much noise, then. She doesn't want to cause any more trouble or have to find an excuse as to why she's here so late in the evening to the little girl.
Sarah Peralta might be young, but she's also very smart and curious – just like her father. Amy's very fond of her.
(Just like she is of her father too.)
"Ames, what are–…" Jake looks startled, frowning when he opens the door and their gazes meet.
"I'm sorry!" Amy doesn't let him finish his sentence as she apologizes to him. "I'm sorry."
His frown deepens, although he doesn't say anything. He waits for her to go on.
Amy takes a deep breath. "I know I shouldn't be here, but I was home, and I couldn't stop thinking about everything that happened today, and–…" She stops. She can feel her eyes watering a little.
Jake must see it too, because one moment he's standing in bewilderment in front of her and the next, he's pulling her into a tight hug, gently stroking her back and murmuring small whispers into her ear. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here." Then he's the one who offers when they part. "Wanna come in?"
His words make Amy relax, if only for a moment. She nods, the tears in her eyes having fallen down and now wetting her cheeks. She quietly follows him inside. He makes her sit on the couch but doesn't join her just yet – first, he goes to the kitchen to make her a cup of hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and little marshmallows.
"Usually works with Sarah when she's sad," he says as he hands her the cup and finally settles down. She offers him a shy smile in return. She takes a sip of the beverage, its warmth and overly sweet taste burning her tongue and taking over her whole body. She can feel Jake's gaze on her, waiting for her to speak again. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and she cuddles against his side.
She feels a little safer, there.
Then she starts talking. Tells him all about her worries. She doesn't tell him why it matters so much to her who their next Captain will be, though. It's too soon. Other than that, she spills everything out. Once she's getting starting, she can't seem to stop sharing all of her spiralling thoughts out loud.
Amy wishes she could say being with Jake completely calms her down, like she first believed it would. The painful truth is that although it does make her feel better, she still finds herself unconsciously braiding her hair while she talks as a mechanical response to the high level of panic she's currently experiencing.
Jake doesn't make any comment about it, though. Actually, he does everything he can to help her relax, if only just a bit. She's truly grateful for it and his presence by her side.
It's always better than being left alone with her thoughts at home.
(Everything's better when she's with him, anyway. Because truth to be told, he is her home.)
She's braided half of her hair already when small steps resonating on the hard floor stops her in her tracks and makes them both look behind them. There they find Sarah, one thumb in her mouth and her other arm carrying a stuffed shark almost her size standing in front of them. Amy can feel Jake's body suddenly drawing away from her as he instinctively jerks away and tries to look casual.
"Sarah! What did we say about getting up in the middle of the night, uh?" He scratches the back of his neck as he tries to take a reprimanding voice. Amy knows it means he's nervous.
Great, she can't help but beat herself up. She messed up. She knew the rule. Why didn't she follow the rule?
"'Heard you talking," the child answers with her thumb still in her mouth. She takes a few steps closer. "Why's Amy's hair so funny?" She finally takes it out to point at the woman. If she's confused by Amy's presence in her house at such a late hour in the evening, she doesn't let it show. She seems more interested in her weird hairstyle than anything else right now.
"I, uh–…" Amy shoots a glance at Jake, seeking his help.
"She was showing me how to make better braids." He shrugs at her, as if to say what, it's all I could come up with on the spot! "Do you like it?" His voice is soft as he talks to his daughter.
She knows he doubts about his abilities a lot, and that it hasn't always been easy to raise her alone, especially with his own childhood background, but Jake truly is an amazing dad.
(Plus, he's never truly been alone. The squad's always had his back. She's always had his back, even long before they started dating.)
For a second, the apartment fills with silence as Sarah pauses to think. Her whole face lights up after a short while though, as she enthusiastically nods and gets even closer to the pair.
"YES!" she exclaims. "Can you braid my hair too, please?" she then asks when she's finally standing in front of them on the couch.
Once again, Amy glances at Jake, mouth half-open and not knowing what to say. This decision is not for her to make.
"Sarah, it's late…" her father cautiously trails off. The girl's eyes instantly fill up with upcoming tears. "You should be sleeping now."
"But I wanna stay with Amy!" she complains, fully crying now.
Jake lets out a sigh. Amy can't help but think this is all her fault. He turns around to look at her, silently asking for her permission to agree to the child's request.
Amy obviously agrees – after all, she created this mess. Plus this could be a good distraction and help her relax for good.
"Okay," Jave gives in, then. "But only one, and after it's back to your room, promise?"
"Promise," Sarah swears as she doesn't waste any time to make herself comfortable next to Amy, her back resting against the woman.
The little girl's hair is just like her father's. It's fluffy and soft against her fingers, just like Jake's is when he rests his head against her stomach as they lie down on her bed (or his) and she gently strokes it. Her long dark curls are also just as messy as his after a night (or just a few hours, in this case) of sleep, going all over the place at the top of her head.
Amy takes her time to comb it first, slowly and gently so as not to hurt Sarah with her fingers going through her hair. She's focused on her task, eyes stuck on the little girl but she can still feel Jake's gaze lingering on them, silently watching her do. As opposed to the numerous tiny braids framing her own face, Amy opts for one big braid to tie all of Sarah's mass of curls at once.
She's been braiding her hair in panic for as long as she can remember; she became quite of an expert in the matter over time then, and it takes her less than two minutes to tie Jake's daughter's hair in a perfect braid. When she shows the result to the little girl, Sarah shoots her the biggest grin before throwing herself into Amy's arms as a thank you.
It takes her a little off guard – sure, the two are close (they hit it off pretty much from their first encounter, to be honest) but it's not often the child expresses her affection like that. When she catches Jake's eyes, Amy can see him remove a happy tear. She can herself feel her heart melt in her chest as she wraps an arm around Sarah's little body to bring her closer.
This is when she realizes the crushing pain she was still feeling there only a few moments ago is now completely gone. She feels serene.
Joyful, even. All thanks to Sarah.
"Can I tell you a secret?" the child tries to whisper as she throws herself away from Amy and looks up at her. Amy nods, a fond yet amused smile spreading on her face. She bends down so that the girl can bring her mouth to her ear, hiding it with her small hand so that her father can't read her lips.
"Your braids are more beautiful than Daddy's," she says and even though she wants to be discreet, it's still loud enough for him to hear it.
It makes Amy laugh, the competitive side of her feeling thrilled while Jake lets out a dramatic gasp in fake-shock. She laughs a little harder.
The panic is completely gone indeed.
"Well, I'm happy you think so." She shoots her a small smile as she replaces a loose strand of hair behind the child's ear.
A comfortable silence takes over the room after that, until Sarah breaks it again.
"Why are you here?" The words are said out of the blue. Jake and Amy clearly weren't expecting such a question anymore – they stare blankly at each other, not knowing what to answer to that.
The moment of bliss is gone, as Amy can feel the panic quickly creep back up.
"Amy was… She had a question about work!" Jake finds a (poor) excuse.
"Yep. Work," she backs him up. "That's why I'm here. And your father helped me so I can go back to my own apartment now."
She stands up. Jake soon follows, taking his daughter in his arms as he does so.
"And you, young lady, are going back to bed. You stayed awake long enough already." As if on cue, Sarah lets out a yawn. Amy acts like she's going to leave, but the child stops her before she can take one step towards the door.
"Can Amy come with us to say goodnight?" She looks at her father with the same puppy eyes he himself uses on Amy sometimes when he wants something from her. It's irresistible – they both know that, and surely know how to use it against people. Of course both adults have no other choice than to accept, then.
It doesn't take long for Sarah to fall asleep after Jake puts her back to bed and both he and Amy kiss her goodnight. He then accompanies the woman to the door, but none of them actually moves nor talks for a while. They're a little awestruck about the way the little girl acted around Amy the whole night.
Eventually, Jake clears his throat. "So… I think maybe it's time we break another rule." He shoots Amy a knowing smile. She who was lost in her reverie is quickly brought back to Earth. "What do you say?"
"You mean…" she trails off, unable to say another word. Is he really suggesting letting Sarah know of their relationship?!
If so, this would be such a huge step they're taking. One she's willing to take, obviously – they've been together long enough now for her to know she's in this for the long haul. They might not have said the words yet, Amy still knows she loves this man deeply. She has had for a while.
"Yeah." His smile grows bigger. "She loves you, Ames. It's even more obvious after tonight. I think she'll be thrilled about the news. We can take her to her favorite pancakes place for breakfast tomorrow and tell her then." He raises his eyebrows at her in understanding.
"This sounds like a great plan," Amy agrees. She then pauses, watching him straight into the eyes. The moon is shining high outside the window, surrounding him with an angelic glow. He looks beautiful.
Damn, she loves this man.
"I love you." The words are out before she can think of saying them out loud. She doesn't regret it, though – it's about time she lets him know. "Both of you," she adds as her eyes wander towards Sarah's now closed door. Because it's true. She loves the little girl too and really hopes she will accept her into the small Peralta family when she learns about her father and her relationship.
Amy waits, a little nervous with her heart beating fast in her chest, for Jake's reaction. His smile grows bigger again – fonder. His eyes are shining in the dark.
"I love you too." He brings her in for a kiss.
(Amy doesn't make it back to her apartment that night – but this time, she doesn't feel so bad about breaking a rule. And when they explain everything to Sarah the next day, everything is fine indeed.)