I Want to Love You (But I Don't Know if I Can)

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be off today?"

Jake frowns as he steps into the bullpen after interrogating a perp, only to see his partner there. She's not wearing her usual pantsuits though – simply a pair of jeans and a light jacket.

"I am." Amy smiles when she meets his eyes. "I just needed to give something to Captain Holt. Why is Sarah sleeping in his office, by the way?"

A rush of guilt immediately takes over him at the mention of his daughter's name. He knows a precinct is no place for a child – but he didn't really have another choice today. "Long story short, my babysitter bailed on me, my mother couldn't take her and I was already late for work so I had to bring her here with me," he explains, sheepishly averting his gaze.

"Isn't it a little… dangerous, for her to be here?"

Jake lets out a sigh. As if he didn't know that already.

"I know. But I'll take care of this. As soon as I'm done with this case, I'll have more time to try and find someone to pick her up and take her out of here."

In front of him, he can see Amy's smile turn gentler. "Well, I'm not working today. I can take care of her, if you want."

Her words make Jake freeze, mouth half-open and unable to say something. For a brief instant, his gaze switches towards the closed doors of his superior's office, where his daughter is currently sleeping. The offer is interesting, but he's not so sure leaving her with Amy, of all people, is a good idea. Not that she couldn't take care of a child – she's already proven her worth more than once in the past. Plus, he knows for a fact Sarah is very fond of her.

The problem is him. Him, and his stupid feelings towards her colleague he's trying so hard to let go of.

Him, and the realization that came to his mind not so long ago – and yet too late, as she'd just started seeing some other cop: he likes her. As in, he wishes something could happen between them.

Romantic-stylez.

"Nah, it's okay. I don't want to bother you with that. I'm sure the Santiago schedule is already full today. I know how you wouldn't waste a day off," he declines, then. His hand instinctively comes scratching the back of his neck in a nervous tic as he talks.

"Jake, I don't have anything planned. I was supposed to spend the day with Teddy but he's had to go back to work for an emergency. So I'd be happy to help. You know I really like Sarah."

Her smile is fond and beautiful and his heart sinks a little at the mention of her boyfriend and damn, he's so screwed.

"You sure?" He tries not to pay attention to the increasing beating of his heart and how it seems like it's getting hotter in the room.

Objectively, Jake knows this is the best solution he'll ever find.

"Yes." Amy takes a step closer in his direction, puts a hand on his arm for emphasis. "I'm sure."

As if on cue, before Jake can muster a single word, the doors of Holt's office open and the little girl appears. She's excitedly pulling the captain by the hand, forcing him to follow her, although quickly loses her grip on him as soon as she catches sight of her father. "Daddy!" she rushes towards him and Jake bends down to welcome her into a warm embrace before lifting her up.

"Peralta, your child has awoken," Holt says in his signature monotonous voice – his detective genuinely can't tell if he's annoyed or amused, or something else.

"Yeah, I can see that." Jake chuckles as his daughter wriggles happily inside his arms, her little hands securely wrapped around his neck. She seems very awake indeed. "But don't worry, I found a solution." He then turns to look Sarah in the eye. "Hey baby, what do you say you spend the rest of the day with Amy, uh? You're gonna have a lot of fun together!" He shoots a glance at his partner. She's watching them with a bright smile. She waves at the little girl and in his chest, his heart misses a beat.

He quickly brings his attention back to his daughter. She doesn't reply right away – carefully studies the woman's face for a while, as if she was judging a stranger.

(Amy is no stranger. She's been there every step of the way, from the moment the little girl's mother left him in charge of her. She's been there for her, and she's been there for him.)

"Can we get pancakes?" Sarah eventually asks. It makes Jake laugh – the girl just loves her pancakes. He catches Amy's questioning gaze, in search of his approval before she says anything.

He nods at her. Getting some pancakes won't harm her. And she deserves them, after being so good and calm in such an inconvenient situation.

"Sure," she agrees, then. "Actually, I know the best place for pancakes." Her smile grows bigger, playful even.

The little girl makes the cutest little squeal in response to that. When she looks back to her father, her eyes are shining with excitement. It's all it takes to warm up his entire being.

"You coming with us, Daddy?" She seems hopeful.

Jake wishes he could tell her yes. He wishes he could go. There's truly nothing he'd rather do than eating pancakes with his daughter and Amy – his favorite girl and the woman he likes. Unfortunately, he has a job to do. Some criminals to catch. He doesn't think Captain Holt would be pleased with him ditching his duty for an afternoon of fun with his child and partner.

He presses a soft kiss into Sarah's hair before answering. "Sorry sweetheart, Daddy has to work. But I'll see you later, okay? Be nice with Amy, and do as she says."

The little girl pouts – she's clearly disappointed – but still nods. He lets her down then and leaves her to Amy's care.

"Don't worry," she says as she grabs his daughter's hand to lead her out. "I'll take good care of her." She smiles, an expression that soon reciprocates on his own features.

Jake's not worried at all. He knows without a doubt she will. Amy is his partner, after all – every day on the field he trusts her with his life. There's nowhere safer for Sarah to be than by her side, then.

After one last goodbye kiss to his daughter, the pair leaves the precinct hand-in-hand. Jake watches them go; his heart is aching with longing for something that will never be.

"Jake and Sarah and Amy make three!" Charles' teasing voice takes him out of his reverie after the elevator's doors close in front of Amy and Sarah happily waving at him.

"Back off, Charles!" he lets out an annoyed grunt, shooting his best friend a dark glare.

Inside though, as he doesn't move from his spot in the middle of the bullpen just yet, he can't help but wish it was true.

He's out on the field when he receives a text from Amy, some picture of her and Sarah enjoying their pancakes. His heart instantly melts at the sight of their huge grins and shining eyes.

(He also can't help but laugh at the little girl, whose mouth is covered in chocolate and has a very visible stain on her T-shirt despite the napkin Amy made sure to wrap around her neck. She is his daughter indeed.)

He keeps staring at it on the way back to the precinct while Rosa drives silently, and decides it's time to change his partner's contact photo – one he took during their post-bet 'date,' of her shooting a very annoyed face at the camera – and replace it with this new one. He wants to cherish this image forever.

(He's never been more screwed.)

Amy and Sarah are back from their little day of fun just as Jake's shift ends. The child barely waits for the elevator's doors to fully open to run towards her father.

"Daddy! I missed you!" She buries herself into his wide open arms and he holds her tight.

"I missed you too." He presses a soft kiss against her temple. "How was your day?" He draws a little away from her to better look at her. She's literally glowing.

"IT WAS THE BESTEST!" she excitedly exclaims. "We had pancakes and we went to the park and Amy bought me a book!"

"A book?" A chuckle escapes Jake's mouth as he looks up at his partner with a questioning gaze. As the amazing storyteller he is (not to brag, but he's made up the lives of many personas throughout his years as a detective), he often uses his own imagination – and a few movie references – rather than already existing books to tell Sarah stories before bed. And she seems to love it this way.

"I took her to the bookstore with me because I had a book to pick there and she said she wanted one too," Amy explains. Jake could swear a new spark lights up in her eyes as she recalls the story. "So I bought her one. I think you'll both like it. It was my favorite book as a child." She smiles and for some reason, the gesture touches him deeply. So much that he has to fight back a few tears.

He silently holds her gaze for a beat, drowning into her eyes. He can tell she truly cares about Sarah, and nothing warms up his heart more than this fact.

Raising a child alone isn't always easy – especially with his own baggage and experiences. But in times like these, Jake realizes he is not (and has never been) alone. The whole squad has been – will always be – there for him, and thus from the start.

Amy more than others.

And god, he's so grateful for that.

"Thank you." He has to clear his throat to regain some composure before answering her. She simply nods in return, the way she watches him softer than ever. He pines. Hard.

"Do you, uh–… do you want to have dinner with us tonight? To thank you for taking care of Sarah," he quickly adds when he sees her frown at his question and her smile falters a little.

"Oh. That's nice, but… I have plans with Teddy tonight, I'm sorry. Maybe another time?" she gives him an apologetic look that makes his heart sink in his chest.

For a minute there, he'd forgotten about Teddy. Her actual boyfriend.

"Oh yeah, sure." His hand is back on his neck, nervously scratching there. An awkward silence falls between them for a second, soon interrupted by Sarah.

She impatiently starts pulling at her father's sleeve.

"Can we go now, Daddy?"

Jake puts his whole attention on her. "Yes, we'll go now, sweetheart." He takes her hand in his after gathering all his stuff and starts heading towards the exit. He stops in front of Amy, though.

"Thank you again for everything and have a good date. See you on Monday?"

"Yes. Bye, Sarah," she bends down to kiss the little girl on the cheek, who kisses her back. Then, when she stands up again, before he can take another step, she stops Jake in his tracks. "And Jake, don't worry about me helping you out. You know you can count on me whenever you need it with Sarah, right? And not only with her." She stares at him. It's hard to keep his eyes on her while she looks at him so deeply.

He still manages a small smile. "I know."

Then walks towards the elevator and lets out a sigh, unable to take off his mind the thought that he missed out on something great by not telling her how he feels when he still had the chance.

You want to know why she went out with him and not you? Because he actually asked her out. There's a bittersweetness to Charles' words from a few weeks ago as they repeat themselves inside his mind.

(Maybe some day, he secretly wishes, he'll get that chance again and be able to ask her out himself. Maybe…)