In an Unexpected Way (This Is Where I Belong)
Jake's done a lot of stupid stuff while being drunk.
More than once did he wake up regretting the decisions his past inebriated self had taken on an impulse – them being swiping right on an ex on Tinder, buying another (unnecessary) massage chair when he's still very much in crushing debt, or bitching on the record about his boss to a homophobic journalist he used to admire.
For a moment, when he received a letter saying he would indeed be there several months after their breakup, he thought sending an invitation for Bruce Willis to attend his and Sophia's (non-existent) Die Hand-themed wedding on one of their cheap wine-fueled date nights would be part of that list.
Right now though, as he's nervously waiting in front of their precinct for Amy to join him on the podium, wearing the best tuxedo he could have rented (he went all out and paid extra for a four-button jacket) and a huge grin on his face, he thinks maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. His eyes scan the place in search of Bruce Willis, who's still nowhere to be found, but then a song begins to play as Amy starts walking towards him and suddenly all he can pay attention to is her.
She looks stunning in one of Gina's white dresses and a bouquet of flowers in hands.
"We are here today to celebrate the wedding of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago," the voice of the officer Jake managed to convince to officiate the fake ceremony rises into the air when she takes her place in front of him. He'd asked Holt to do it but for some reason, his captain declined, claiming he wouldn't take part in such a childish masquerade.
She shoots him a shy smile, making his own beam grow wider and his heart warms up in his chest.
He knows this is not a real ceremony but damn, do their names sound right when they're put together – so much so that Jake can't help but wish this was real.
Maybe not the whole 'getting married' thing. But them dating.
"Jake, you've spent 2000$ on a fake wedding – don't tell me you don't have feelings for Amy again." He remembers Charles's words from a few nights ago, during the bachelor's party his best friend insisted on throwing for him despite Jake's insistence this was not a real wedding and thus he didn't need it.
"I did it for Bruce!" he denied at the time, although even back then he already knew this was a lie and his colleague was right. He still liked – likes– her. She was standing across the room as she and the other ladies of the Nine-Nine had joined them in the bar by the end of the night, looking beautiful with a playful smile plastered across her face that somehow grew wider when their eyes met and he let out a sigh.
"Okay, I might have been thinking about asking her out for a while, and then ended up asking her to fake-marry me instead," he admitted as he brought his gaze back on Charles.
His friend only grinned in return.
"I knew it!"
"I believe you prepared your own vows?" Officer Lou's voice takes Jake out of his reverie. The man's words instantly make his heart race in his chest and he looks around the place again. His eyes wander around for a beat, setting on all the details of the wonderful venue Amy managed to put together in the small amount of time he left her to take care of everything.
Even as they're standing here together, he still can't quite believe she agreed on doing him such a huge favor, to be honest.
"I kind of did something stupid." He brought his chair next to hers so that he could talk in whispers on the day after he received The Letter, about two weeks prior to this moment.
"What did you do this time?!" He saw her eyes grow bigger and the horror showing on her face.
He let out a sigh before speaking again. This was going to be embarrassing – he knew it. But it was a chance he couldn't miss, and she was the only person he could think of that could help him.
(She was the only person he wanted to do this with.)
"Well, there was this article we read with Sophia, about a couple who invited a celebrity to their wedding and they showed up with a very expensive gift." His mouth quirked up slightly in a nostalgic smile as he recalled the events that would lead to the question he was about to ask Amy. Even though he didn't – and doesn't – have any feelings for her anymore, Jake had to admit he and Sophia had a lot of fun together when they were in a relationship. "And I don't know who got the idea – probably me, though – but we were quite drunk and decided to do the same with Bruce Willis, and–…"
Amy cut him before he could go on with his little story. "Wait. You and Sophia were planning to get married?!"
His eyes grew bigger in shock, and he quickly dismissed her assumptions. Of course they didn't mean it seriously!
"What?! No!"
"So why would you send a wedding invite? I mean, there's literally 0 chance he would have answered you, but what would've you guys done if he did?"
"We were drunk!" Jake tried to defend himself – he could hear the judgment in Amy's voice and didn't like it too much. "Obviously we didn't think things through. I guess we would've just thrown a fake wedding or something." Actually, he didn't guess – he knewthat's what they would have done, as it was what he was about to ask herto do now that Sophia was out of the picture. "Because here's the thing: he did reply. And said he's gonna come." He felt his heart warm up in his chest with the words, still barely believing his idol agreed on attending his wedding.
(Fake-wedding, actually. But this was just some unimportant detail.)
"He did what?!" Amy gasped.
"He RSVP'd to our invite."
He handed her the letter – he'd brought it with him, knowing even before he let her in on everything that she wouldn't believe him otherwise. After all, it took him reading through it three times before actually acknowledging this was all legit.
"But as you know," he went on as Amy was thoroughly reading through the piece of paper, "Sophia and I broke up a while ago now. I can't really call and ask her to go through with it and fake-marry me so that we can meet him…"
"Ifhe was really gonna show up in the first place." She still sounded skeptical but Jake needed more than that to lose his enthusiasm.
"He would've! And he will. If I manage to make this wedding happen…" He grinned at her knowingly as he talked.
Amy immediately understood he had something in mind. "What are you gonna do?"
His beam grew wider, more playful – although he was being very serious.
"Well, Amy Santiago… how does becoming Amy Peralta for a night sound to you?"
"What?"
He pondered for a second about getting down on his knees, but finally opted for something simple. "Will you fake-marry me?" he only asked, then.
"Excuse me?!"
"Please?" he pleaded. He could tell Amy wasn't too enthusiastic about his offer. "I really wanna meet him! It's not every day you get the chance to meet your idol. I'd do it for you if that boring crossword guy you admire so much said he was gonna come to your wedding!" He pouted like a child.
"His name's Will Shortz, and he's not boring." Amy crossed her arms above her chest. Maybe insulting her wasn't the best way to convince her to help him, Jake realized.
"If you say so. Anyways I'll pay for everything," he tried to coax her with something else. "I'll even let you keep the gift if he comes with one. I mean, depending on what it is…" He allowed his mind to wander off for a second, thinking about whatever Die Hard merch Bruce Willis could bring to his wedding. He quickly chased the thought away to focus back on the current topic.
"All you'll have to do is help me plan the whole thing."
"… And marry you."
"Fake-marry me! It won't be an official ceremony, obviously. Think about it as…" Jake paused for a beat to think, then his eyes suddenly lighted up. "A toit night of partying with Bruce Willis! How cool does this sound?!"
He caught how Amy's lips curved up into a slight smile at that, and it made him smile too. She remained quiet for a while, probably weighing her options.
It felt like an eternity to Jake.
"When is this wedding supposed to happen?" she asked, making his beam grow wider in victory – if only for a moment, as he quickly remembered the date he and Sophia wrote on the invite.
Amy wasn't going to like it.
"May 15th," he mumbled the words without looking at her.
"What did you say?"
"May 15th," he said it more clearly this time.
"May 15th as in, next Spring?"
"No. May 15th as in, in two weeks…"
He prepared for the worst as he glanced back up at his colleague and friend.
"TWO WEEKS?!" There it was.
"This is why I'm asking you!" he tried to defend himself. She truly was the only person he knew would be able to pull off something like this in such a short amount of time.
Jake waited for a few seconds in heavy silence for Amy to say something – anything– as a response. It took her a moment, but she eventually let out a sigh.
"Okay."
With that, Jake released the breath he didn't even know he was holding.
As he keeps looking at the people all seated in front of them while thinking about what brought them here and now, Jake doesn't have another choice but to admit Amy was right to be skeptical back then. Bruce Willis still is nowhere to be seen, among the small crowd of their friends and colleagues. And even though some part of him is disappointed, he's also somehow relieved.
"Nah, it's okay. We can skip this part." He brings his gaze back on Lou as he answers his question. No need to embarrass himself with a speech he hasn't prepared if the one person who doesn't know this ceremony is fake isn't here. It's well known Jake's not good with emotions – he would most likely ridicule himself, then, if he tried to come up with a fake declaration of love to the woman he actually does like but she doesn't know.
It would be too awkward.
Amy shouts him a questioning look when his eyes fall onto her again.
"He's not here yet," Jake whispers, nudging in the crowd's direction to emphasize his words. "We don't have to pretend we're in love or something."
"Oh," she simply lets out. He swears for a second there she looks a little disappointed but he doesn't have the time to linger on that thought too long as the officer talks again.
"Well, okay. It's time for the ring bearer now then, I guess?" Officer Lou seems taken off-guard by this sudden change of plan too.
On cue, Charles immediately stands up, as if he's been waiting for this from the moment the fake-ceremony started. He hands both Jake and Amy their cheap rings with a huge grin and a thumbs-up before taking back his seat. Jake rolls his eyes as he offers Amy a playful look. She smiles in return.
"Do you, Amy Santiago, take Jake Peralta to be your husband?"
"I do." She gently puts the ring on his left hand's finger and for a moment, as he carefully watches her do, Jake forgets all of this isn't real. His heart starts beating faster in his chest. He can feel his whole body warm up at the touch of Amy's hand holding his to keep him still as she glides in the little piece of cheap jewellery.
All of it feels like a dream, but not the nightmares he sometimes gets about weddings. For once, as he's here with Amy in front of their precinct and he's hit with a new wave of affection for his colleague, it makes him think he might want to have a real wedding someday finally, he who's usually afraid he'll never find the love of his life or worse, will end up like his parents in a failed marriage.
At this moment, he doesn't care about Bruce Willis and whether or not he made it to this fake ceremony.
When he eventually looks up at her, Jake's pretty sure his eyes are shining as bright as the fairy lights Amy put up above their heads. The smile she's still wearing on her face is somehow shy, now. It's full of sincerity, though. There's also new glow inside her pupils he can't quite decipher.
All he knows though is that here, standing in front of him in the dark of this beautiful mid-May night and surrounded by so much light, she looks absolutely stunning.
"And do you, Jake Peralta, take Amy Santiago to be your wife?"
"I do. I do." The words are out naturally when it's his turn to put the ring on Amy's finger.
"You're married. You may now kiss the bride."
This time, Jake doesn't look around to make sure Bruce Willis is here before taking a step forward. He doesn't think about the possibility to skip that moment as well, if the actor's not there. All his attention is focused on Amy, and only Amy, whose eyes seem glued on him too as she acts as if she's gonna meet him halfway.
All of this feels very romantic and Jake forgets this kiss isn't really real.
He's already closing his eyes with his heart pounding in his chest with the anticipation of discovering what the lips of the woman he's pined for for so long tastes like when a sudden noise forces them to draw away in surprise and he opens his eyes again. His mouth opens wide as he stares at the person who just came in, his hands falling from Amy's waist to his sides.
He can't believe it. Right in front of him is standing his idol.
Bruce Willis made it to his (fake) wedding.
"Welcome to the party, pal!" The man winks at him knowingly and just like that, the moment between him and Amy is gone.
"I can't believe Bruce Willis is at my wedding!"
It didn't take long after the actor's grand entrance for everyone to head to Shaw's, where the rest of the party is taking place. With their guests fake-congratulating him and Amy for their supposed union, Jake actually hasn't had the chance to talk to his idol yet. The man is standing across the room and talking to one of the police officers there while Jake's watching them from afar.
His heart is pounding with excitement in his chest. He still has a hard time realizing this is all happening for realz– Bruce Willis is here, all flesh and bones and standing only a few feet away from him.
"Fakewedding," Amy snaps in return. The tone of her voice is a little harsh. It makes Jake turn his full attention towards her. He frowns when he meets her eyes – ever since the ceremony ended, she's seemed distant with him, like something switched between them after they got interrupted right before they kissed.
(Fakekissed, Jake corrects himself, even though he wishes it had been real too.)
He opens his mouth to ask what's going on but Amy beats him at it. "I'm gonna get a drink."
She leaves before he has the chance to say anything. He watches her go for a beat, as confused as ever. For a second, he considers following her to have a real conversation and figure out what's wrong with her but eventually decides against it. It's clear from the way she's acting she doesn't want to talk to him for some reason, so he doesn't want to bother her.
He brings his attention back to Bruce Willis instead and his heart starts racing faster when he finds he's now all alone and checking his phone. This would be Jake's chance to go to him. Yet he doesn't move, completely frozen in place. Every time he got the chance to meet one of his idols, it somehow always turned horrible – he pantsed 5 Knicks players and coaches, got a restricted order from Taylor Swift and, more recently, Jimmy Brogan turned out to be a homophobe.
No need to say Jake's a little afraid of what might come out of his encounter with his ultimate hero, then. He can't help but wonder if this wasn't a terrible idea he got in the end.
Maybe people are right and you should never meet your idol.
"What are you doing, weirdo?" A voice suddenly takes him out of his spiralling thoughts. When he looks away from the actor, he sees Gina is standing by his side.
She's watching him with a judgmental look in his eyes.
"I'm freaking out!" he admits in a whisper as he glances at Bruce Willis, still standing across the room. "What if I mess it up and he hates me?"
Gina shrugs. "I don't know." She doesn't seem to care much about his friend's worries. Instead, she hands him a folded piece of paper she was carrying with her. "Anyways, stop staring at him like a stalker and read this. It's hilarious."
Jake frowns as he opens it and immediately recognizes Amy's favorite font, as well as her signature 'single-spaced' writing style.
"What's this?" he asks as he looks up at Gina.
"Amy wrote down vows for your fake wedding." She grins in mockery.
In his chest, Jake's heart misses a beat at the words.
"Oh." He's unable to say more.
He and Amy didn't really talk about this particular topic of their wedding vows while planning the fake wedding (Jake mostly avoided it as much as he could), thus he didn't know she had something prepared. Knowing her though, he should have seen it coming. Now that he knows, and as he stares at the piece of paper that seems to be filled with a lot of thoughtful words, he can't help but feel bad for simply skipping that part earlier. In the end, because of him, she did all of this for nothing.
She's been so helpful for these past two weeks, doing all of this for himand his weird ideas, and this is how he thanked her… He can definitely see why she'd be upset now.
Jake is so curious about what Amy wrote about him in those fake vows that he doesn't even think to ask Gina how she got them. She probably stole them anyways. Plus, when he eventually looks up again, he can see he's all alone as the woman apparently left his side without a word. It doesn't bother him – this actually allows him to go find a quiet booth where to sit and go through the piece of paper without being disturbed.
This warm feeling he's well acquainted with by now and kept creeping upon him a little more each day since she accepted to play his fake future bride, this same feeling he felt growing stronger than before as he was watching her join him on the podium or when they were about to kiss before getting interrupted, suddenly takes over him again as he reads her vows.
They're beautiful and heartwarming, yet also funny, and somehow they ring true to Jake's heart, filled with realand compelling anecdotes. So much so that Jake can't help but wonder if Amy's thatgood at faking it or if maybe – just maybe– she might be feeling the same as he does towards her.
If maybe she might still like him too.
You make me laugh.
The image of her hand wrapped around his as she put on the ring on his left finger or the anticipation that came with finally getting to kiss her to seal their fake union come rushing back to his mind and very unexpectedly, as he thinks about all of this and her wedding vows he just read, Jake finds himself wishing Bruce Willis would have never shown up and ruined the moment between them.
He looks around to see if he can see her as he feels the sudden urge to talk to her. She doesn't seem to be somewhere inside the bar, and for a moment Jake worries that she just left.
(He wouldn't blame her if she did, but would definitely blame himselffor letting yet another chance at telling her how he feels pass him by.)
"Cake?" he gets interrupted again in his trail of thoughts by one of the bartenders who came to offer him a piece of the cake Amy and he chose for the wedding.
Or rather, the cake Amy surprised him with.
"Jeremy, did you make that cake that I called you about?" He remembers her smug smile as they were at the caterer's shop. He shot her a curious glance but Amy remained mysterious.
"Yes, I wasn't entirely sure if you were joking or not, but…" said Jeremy trailed off as he took out the cake and Jake gasped when the man put it on the counter in front of them.
"A Nakatomi Plaza cake? The groom is on a licorise hose!" he gushed over his friend's surprise. If he wasn't already starting to get aware of his renewed feelings for her, this would have definitely been the moment he would have been hit with them as a wave of fondness took over his whole body as he stared at the gift she made him in awe. Next to him, Amy was smiling very proudly.
As he turned to her with literal stars shining inside his eyes, it was hard to contain his will to just go and kiss her with gratefulness.
"No, thanks." Even though it looks absolutely delicious and Jake's been dreaming about eating it for the past week now, he refuses the plate the man offers him and stands up – he's got more urgent matters to take care of first. Like, finding Amy and finally talk to her.
Tell her how he wishes they could be in a real relationship and not just fake getting married together. Ask her out on a date.
"Hey, have you seen Amy?" he rushes towards his group of friends standing in a circle near the bar. It's only when they turn around to look at him that he spots Bruce Willis among them, in the middle of a conversation with Captain Holt. Jake suddenly freezes as he stares at the man with his mouth half-open in shock.
For a minute there, with his whole mind focused on Amy, he completely forgot about his idol being here.
"Your wife, I suppose?" The actor is the one who answers him with a smile. "I think I saw her leave through the back door earlier. She hasn't come back yet."
This is all too surreal for Jake to process it properly – Bruce Willis talking to him, referring to Amy as his wife…This is both the best and weirdest moment of his entire life.
"I think congratulations are in order, though. We haven't met yet." He shoves his hand in his direction for him to shake. Jake remains still, staring at the hand. He's dreamed about meeting Bruce Willis since he was a child and this is his chance to finally talk to him but yet, as his gaze switches towards the door where the man told him Amy left, he can't help but think he has to go.
He closes his eyes for a second, weighing his options one last time before letting out a sigh and staring the actor deep in the eyes.
"I can't believe I'm gonna say this but… Not now, Bruce, I'm sorry." He then rushes towards the back door without waiting for an answer.
He can't believe he just bailed on him to chase after Amy.
As he passes the door and finds her sitting at a table outside (he didn't even know Shaw's had a terrace – and a beautiful one at that, surrounded with fairy lights), Jake knows he made the right choice. A soft smile comes curving up the corners of his mouth when she looks up at the sound of the door closing behind him and their eyes meet.
Her face is surrounded by some kind of glow coming from the moon and the lights above her head, and her dress appears brighter than ever in the dark of the night, and she looks absolutely stunning.
His heart misses a beat in his chest.
"What are you doing here?" Amy asks when Jake takes a seat in front of her, clearly confused.
"People were starting to wonder why I was drinking without my wife. I heard some wondering if you'd already gotten sick of me," he teases.
It makes her chuckle lightly before she quickly falls serious again as she stares deep into his eyes.
"I'm sorry for disappearing. I just… needed some fresh air." She looks away for a beat. "And I didn't want to get in the way of you meeting Bruce Willis. I owe you an apology, by the way. I never thought he'd really show up. How is he?" Her smile is soft when she brings her gaze back onto him.
Jake scratches the back of his neck in a nervous tic as he tells her the truth. "I don't know… I bumped into him while I was looking for you but I didn't stay to chat as I needed to find you first."
Amy's eyes grow bigger with this revelation. "You ditched Bruce Willis to come find me?!" She seems stunned.
"Yeah." Jake shrugs.
He doesn't want to dwell too much on it right now. He takes the piece of paper Gina gave him earlier out of his pocket and hands it to her.
"Gina gave me this," he says shyly.
She doesn't need to look at it long to recognize it. "Oh," is the only word that escapes her mouth as she grabs it.
"I'm so sorry I skipped that part. I didn't know you had something planned, and obviously Ididn't plan anything so I didn't want to embarrass myself."
"I get it." Amy offers him what Jake interprets as some kind of sad smile. "It's hard to come up with reasons why you love a person on the spot when you actually don't like them."
She sounds a little… defeated?!
"That's not it, though." Jake decides to play the sincerity card. This is why he came here, after all. Why he chose her over Bruce Willis. Because he doesn't want to make the same mistake he did when he first realized he had feelings for her and wait until it's too late to act on it. It makes Amy look up at him with curiosity.
"It's actually the opposite. I was afraid you could tell I still like you because of what I would have said."
His heart is pounding in his chest as he waits for a reaction. Amy opens her mouth, as if she's about to say something, but then closes it again.
Then she finally talks. "What?"
"I, uh–… might have been thinking about asking you out, lately. But then this whole… thinghappened instead." Jake gestures to the place around them. He lets out a nervous laugh.
In front of him, Amy's smile grows brighter – fonder. He takes it as a good sign; it calms him down a little.
(Or at least he hopes it is.)
"Y'know, we're not really fake-husband and fake-wife," she simply answers, though.
It surprises Jake. It's not really what he expected she would say and doesn't quite understand what she means. "What?" It's his turn to get all confused.
"We didn't get to kiss to seal that fake wedding." Amy shoots him a playful, knowing smile.
It makes Jake chuckle. He can feel his heart warm up in his chest, feeling a lot lighter all of a sudden.
"After how hard we worked of this?! This is such a shame. We should repair this right now." He plays along with her, grinning at her.
"We should, yeah."
Jake doesn't need more from her part to close the gap separating them. She meets him halfway, her lips soft against his as nobody's there to interrupt them this time. Amy brings a hand to his cheek to keep him close as they deepen the kiss, and Jake has never felt better about any decision he ever took before than this – he definitely made the right choice when he left Bruce Willis behind.
Because thisdefinitely brings him so much more happiness than any meeting with his hero.
"Well, I guess we're officially fake-married now." His gaze is full of awe when they eventually part and he looks at her.
Amy lets out a happy giggle. "We are."
Jake kisses the grin off her face.
They take the time to stay in this quiet haven a little longer after their shared moment, talking about nothing and everything and how they see things going from here between them. When they finally decide to go inside the bar again, they're surprised to see almost everyone has already left and just the rest of their squad remains.
"Where is everyone?" Amy wonders as she looks around with a curious frown.
"They left. You guys weren't there for your first dance, so…"
"Bruce Willis left too?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. He didn't really like how you ditched him for Amy. Said something about how he did a nice thing by showing up to your wedding and you didn't even pay attention to him."
Jake can see from the corner of his eye how Amy's body tenses. She shoots him an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry you missed your chance at meeting him…"
But he simply offers her a soft, reassuring smile as he thinks about how righther lips felt against his when they kissed earlier, and how full the simple thought of knowing she likes him backmakes him feel.
"Nah, it's okay. Was all worth it," he assures. The sincerity with which he says the words actually helps Amy relax.
"Anyways, now that you guys are here, we can leave too. Great fake wedding!" They all say goodbye and as their friends start to scatter around and they're alone again, Amy stops Jake.
"So… see you tomorrow?" she asks, reminding him of the date they planned as they were back on Shaw's terrace and they both agreed it would be a better place to start whatever this thing between them is with something more traditional than an actual wedding.
Jake takes a step in her direction, bringing Amy towards him with his hands curling around her waist.
"Yes. Of course." Before he leans in and presses a tender kiss on her lips.
(If getting to meet Bruce Willis was overwhelming, being able to kiss Amy as he wishes to is even better. The whole outcome of this plan they worked on together is much better than whatever he might have imagined for the past two weeks, actually – better of any of the dreams he might have had during that time.)