When I woke up the next morning, Obi-Wan had prepared breakfast. I ate a little bit, but I was not feeling very hungry. Then he told me that he had some important things to do today which involved looking for Sidious.
"Should I help?" I asked wearily.
"No, You see, if you find Sidious, he will either turn you or you will take revenge for all that he did to you, and both would be disastrous."
I nodded. There was a knock on the door.
"Come in," said Obi-Wan.
"Hey," said Ashoka poking her head in. "Okay so I know you said not to but I couldn't help myself, and I got a lot of great ideas for Padme to just pick and choose-"
"Ashoka," warned Obi-Wan "Now is not a good time."
"Why? Because Skyguy is here. No I don't have any of the dresses. We are still on Venues. Naboo is such a beautiful place. I think, I think I can get the Lake Palace if they pick a date far enough in advance."
"What is she talking about?" I asked.
Obi-Wan sighed. "Ever since you were one with the Force, Ashoka has taken it upon herself to plan your wedding. Even though she has not been asked."
"Well it's gonna happen. Tell me I'm wrong," grinned my padawan.
"Your wrong," I said darkly.
"Why?" pouted Ashoka.
"Padme and I 'broke up'" I said using the air quotes.
"No," said Ashoka in shock.
"Anakin, please tell us what happened," said Obi-Wan.
I took a deep breath. "I had made dinner, and she came home from working all day. We sat down and everything was good for a second. And then she started to cry. She said she was scared of me, she didn't trust me anymore, basically I had turned to the darkside and had become a monster and now I had turned back to the light and she did not know what to make of me."
"Why did she come to your defense in prison if she did not love you?" asked Ashoka.
"I think she loves you, Anakin," said Obi-Wan, "like she said she just doesn't trust you right now. It doesn't sound like she wanted a complete break up. She does not hate you and you are not seeing other people. She just wanted for you to be separated for a little while. This happens to a lot of couples. Be patient she will come around."
"It gets worse," I whispered. They waited patiently for me to continue. "When I was coming over here, I got this numb feeling all over me. I used to get it all the time when was using the dark side. Palpatine would say to give into the power and let it flow through me. But I did not feel powerful or angry I felt helpless and...nothing really. It is a scary feeling. I don't know if I am going to the dark side, getting sick, or what."
I sat looking down because I was ashamed of myself. What if that was the dark side? Or what if that meant I really was still a monster?
"Oh master," said Ashoka drawing me into a hug. "Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise."
I hugged her back. The contact just made me feel something again. I needed that.
"I have a plan Anakin," said Obi-Wan, "But I am not sure you will like it."
I laughed darkly. "I'm desperate."
Obi-Wan got up and grabbed his communicator and pressed some buttons. "I'm not sure if she is there," he muttered with a frown.
"I don't want to talk to Padme," I said.
"I know," said Obi-Wan waving his hand at me. "This is Master Depa. She is learned in the Force, particularly in how the mind works. She died in Order 66. When I joined the force, I had a horrible time grieving you. Master Yoda would send me to speak to her once a week."
"So she is a shrink?"
"Sort of."
"Hello," came a human Jedi. She had a beautiful face with two braids.
"Master Depa, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. how are you?" said Obi-Wan.
"Quite Well. How are you Obi-Wan?"
"Well I am in need of your help. I am here with Anakin Skywalker and he is having some problems that seem right up your ally."
Obi-Wan threw the communicator to me, and I caught it. I looked at the master, she was very pretty for a Jedi.
"Hello Anakin," she said in a soft voice. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know," I said. "I think its the dark side but I never felt the dark side like this."
"What are you feeling?"
"Numb. Like I cant feel anything."
"What happened?"
"Last night I got in a fight with my wife and I think we broke up."
"Did you feel like that before? Numb I mean?"
"Sometimes when I get really upset."
"How do you feel right now?"
"Tired. I miss her, but I know I need to give her some space."
"Do you feel like you are going to hurt anyone or yourself?"
"No, nothing like that."
"What did you fight about?"
"She doesn't trust me. Not after everything I have done as Vader."
"Do you think she will ever trust you again?"
"I don't know. I can't live without her."
"Why not?"
I was silent.
"Anakin, you can not kill people in this realm of the force, but you can do damage to them. Now I want you to think. Do you want to hurt people? I need you to tell me the truth."
I took a deep breathe. I felt like my head was about to explode. "I want to choke Sidious for all that he has done to me. But no I do not want to hurt innocence. I can tell the difference."
"Okay. I think I need to work with you as a Psychiatrist and a Counselor. Are you willing to let me work with you?" asked Depa.
"Yes," I said. I would do anything to resist the dark side.