Joe would've appreciated the chance to admire the glittering deep blue surface of the water before he and his friends got dumped in like a sack of bricks.
Jolts shot through Joe's veins; his heart went into hyperdrive. He surfaced, hacking up water and probably a lung. The roar of blood in his ears was louder than the waves. He pushed back the hair stuck to his forehead. "Fred! Izzy! Sam!"
Joe looked around for his friends, his heart sinking to the ocean floor when he didn't see them. "No..."
He was ready to dive and find them when the surface of the river rippled, and his friends all resurfaced, gasping for breath.
Joe let out a relieved sigh. "Thank goodness you guys are alright!"
"Alright." Fred combed his fingers through soaked curls and righted the skewed crown on his head (seriously, how did that stupid thing manage to stay on his head through the warp?). "Yup, that's us."
Sam coughed up a small fish; the look on his face as salty as the sea. "Where are we? Did we warp to the middle of the ocean again?"
Izzy wiped away the hair plastered to her face, green eyes scanning their surroundings in a confused haze. "We're near Egypt."
"Egypt?!" Sam looked around like a hyperactive squirrel searching for nuts. "Are we back in ancient Egypt?" He grabbed Joe by the collar. "Tell me this isn't ancient Egypt!"
Joe surveyed their location, expecting to see pyramids, lush foliage, or some shirtless dudes in white skirts milling around. Instead, there was a muddy shore walled off from the sea, with sparse palm trees wedged between terracotta-roofed buildings. About a half-mile away, ships of various sizes of sailed in and out of a harbor; beside the docks was a rectangular palace atop a crescent-shaped isle.
But the most notable thing was the massive lighthouse sitting on an island, a beacon to the sea the size of the Statue of Liberty. It reminded Joe of the Chrysler building, except blockier.
"The lighthouse at Alexandria," Sam breathed.
"Sorry, Sam," Joe said. "Looks like Izzy's right."
"What's so bad about Egypt anyway?" Fred asked.
"You can't be serious?"
Fred couldn't look more oblivious unless he tried.
Sam's eye twitched. "'What's so bad about Egypt?' Oh, I don't know. Maybe because the last time we warped to ancient Egypt we got framed for theft, almost executed, eaten by crocodiles, and our brains nearly sucked out our noses by the high priest Booger!"
Izzy crinkled her nose. "Ew."
"Oh yeeeaaah," Fred said. "Forgot about that."
"How the heck do you forget about that?" Joe asked.
"I have a lot on my mind."
"Clearly." Sam slammed his fist in the water in frustration. "This is perfect!"
"Relax, Sam," Joe said, then immediately regretted it.
Sam turned his glare on him. "Relax?! We wouldn't even be in this mess if it weren't for your Book. Why did you even have it with you?"
"I didn't, I swear! I left it in the box at home. Something or someone must have brought us here."
"You think it was Anna again?" Fred asked.
Joe shook his head. "She's on a date with Matthew."
Izzy rubbed the goosebumps on her arms, but Joe didn't think it was from the chilly water. "You think it was Mad Jack?"
"No. I've been warped by Mad Jack before and it's a lot… rougher. We were definitely brought here by The Book."
"Maybe it was the girls," Sam mused.
"What girls?" Izzy asked.
Something in the distance caught Joe's eye and saved him from having to explain what Sam meant. A boat sailed towards them, fancier and larger than the others farther back, with a crisp white sail and red hull. Its gold accents glinted blindingly in the sun.
"Later," Joe said. "Right now, we should get out of the water before any crocodiles and hippos get hungry."
"Good call," Fred said.
They shouted and waved to get the attention of whoever was on the boat. Joe was afraid even if the boat noticed them it'd be too late for it to stop, but luckily, well, luck was on their side.
A dark-haired girl spotted them and shouted something he couldn't make out. A moment later, the bow of the ship steered closer in their direction.
The girl leaned over the boat and cupped her mouth to her hands. "Hold on! The current is too strong for us to stop, but we're dropping down a ladder for you all!"
The boat slowed as it approached them, and the four of them bobbed in the water like buoys in the aftermath of the wave the ship created. A moment later a reed ladder tumbled down and the four of them scrambled up one by one, the girl helping each of them aboard.
"Are you four alright?" She asked as she assisted Sam over the side of the ship.
The four of them were sopping wet. Their clothes clung to them as they shivered, puddles collecting under their feet. Joe was sure they looked like strays caught in the rain.
"Yeah. Totally," Fred said. "You got any towels on this thing?"
She knitted her brows. "Tau...oles? No. I am afraid not."
"It's fine," Joe said. "Thanks for saving us back there."
"Think nothing of it," the girl said. "How did you all end up in the middle of the Great Green?"
"Great Green?" Fred asked.
Sam leaned to him and whispered, "What ancient Egyptians called the Mediterranean."
Joe scratched the back of his head. "Um, it's… a long story."
She covered her mouth and chuckled. "I do not doubt it."
A seriously jacked man in a white linen kilt approached the five of them. He eyed Joe and his friends suspiciously then said to the girl, "Your Highness. If I may have a moment of your time..."
The two of them walked away, speaking with each other in hushed tones where Joe couldn't hear. He was able to take in how strange the girl was. For starters, her clothes didn't scream "ancient Egypt". Her robe stopped at her ankles, accessorized with a violet shawl and thin gold belt. More gold was in her curly chocolate hair, fitted in a hairband. She reminded him of a Roman statue.
"Did you hear that?" Sam asked Joe as he tried, to no avail, to dry his glasses with his damp shirt.
"I can't hear a thing they're saying."
"No, I meant earlier. He called her 'Your Highness.' Do you think she might be–"
"Green Fish!" the girl called as she strolled her way back over to them. "If you all could do me a favor and face us. I have something I need to convince Ahmose of."
They looked at each other in confusion. Joe shrugged and turned, the others following suit. "Uh, yeah. Sure."
Ahmose scrutinized them one at a time as if he was trying to place something in their faces. When he seemed satisfied he moved on to the next.
But he stopped at Izzy, eyes narrowed as he looked her over. She averted her eyes and let out a nervous chuckle.
After a moment, he turned back to the girl, apparently satisfied. "I apologize, Your Highness. It seems you are correct. The Green Fish do bear an… uncanny resemblance."
The girls! Joe thought. He had to be talking about them.
"That's alright, Ahmose." the girl said. "Please tell the Helmsman to head back to Antirhodos."
Ahmose bowed and headed off.
When he was out of sight, Joe turned to the girl. "Green Fish?"
She smiled shyly and rubbed her cheek. "I apologize. I should not make fun." A soft chuckle. "My guests warned you'd arrive in the most, uh, 'boneheaded fashion' were their words."
"Yup," Joe muttered. "That sounds like our girls."
The girl clasped her hand as the boat made its way around the lighthouse. "It is a good thing you arrived when you did. You're just in time for the celebration."
Fred's eyes lit up. "A party? You know I'm there."
"Excellent. However, I will need to provide you all with more appropriate garments since the four of you are... thoroughly drenched."
Joe was about to decline until he saw Izzy wring a cup of water from her pigtails. "Thank you."
"So I know it was a 'no' on towels," Fred said, shaking water off his stupid crown. "But what about napkins? I'll even take tissues."
Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're still wearing that thing?"
"I spent six bucks in quarters to get enough tickets to win this thing. Of course I'm still wearing it."
Sam shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Is there a mirror on board so I can show King Fred how ridiculous he looks?" Joe asked the girl, half-jokingly.
She gasped. He didn't think his joke was that bad.
"King Fred?" she said. "I know that name. Are you, by chance, a descendant of King Fred of Flatbush?"
Sam facepalmed. "You cannot be serious..."
"Please don't..." Joe begged, but Fred's ego was already inflated. He placed the crown back on his head and smirked. "As a matter of fact, I am."
The girl bowed. "Forgive me. I had no idea I was in the presence of someone so important."
Joe didn't know who snorted louder, him or Sam.
"Nearly a millennium and a half country of Fred dynastic rule," she said, clearly impressed. "Truly incredible."
Sam turned to Joe. "Do me a favor? Go ahead and toss me back in the ocean."
"I've always wanted to know more about the nation of Flatbush." The girl hugged his arm, which Fred was enjoying. "The library carried very little information on your country. Tell me, what language do you speak?"
"Uh, we speak English."
She furrowed her brow trying to sound out the word. "Aang-glitch? I haven't heard of Aang-glitch before and I speak multiple languages. I'll have to study it."
Izzy frowned. Sam leaned over and whispered. "Auto translator," and she nodded. "Ooooooooh."
"She might want to wait a couple hundred years," Joe muttered, eliciting laughs from the other two.
"I am very sorry!" The girl exclaimed and faced Joe, Sam, and Izzy. "I never did ask for your names."
Before Joe could introduce himself, Fred said, "This is Sam, our resident Geek and that," he waved his hand at Joe, "is our After-Dinner-Entertainment, Joe. And Izzy here is our, uh, erm..."
"She's a priestess!" Joe blurted. He wasn't sure where he got that idea from but it sounded good. "Isadora is here to keep King Fred out of trouble."
Joe ignored the look Fred shot him as the girl nodded. "I see. A priestess of Isis."
Joe shifted on his feet."Um, why Isis specifically?"
"My name means 'gift of Isis,'" Izzy whispered.
Huh. Made more sense than what Joe first thought...
"I'm impressed," Sam said. "Thutmose ruled over a thousand years ago, and I can't imagine King Fred would be more than a footnote of a footnote–"
"Hey!" Fred protested.
"–of a footnote. You really must've done your research."
She stood taller, pride in her smile. "Why, thank you, Geek. If I am to rule Egypt alongside my father, I should know her language, her customs, her history."
"You're a princess?" Joe asked.
"Of course. I am Cleopatra the Seventh, daughter of Ptolemy the Twelfth Auletes, Pharaoh of Egypt."
Cleopatra…
Whenever Joe thought of her, he envisioned a powerful, drop-dead gorgeous woman effortlessly wrapping powerful men around her finger. A woman so unarguably beautiful and charismatic it caused war between nations. He never pictured her as a girl no older than fourteen or fifteen. A girl who looked so normal.
The ship docked at the harbor of the crescent-shaped island next to some smaller similar vessels. Most were vacant, but a few had workers loading and unloading cargo.
They followed Cleopatra off the boat and into a palace lined with columns, reminding him of the fancy banks he's seen on Wall Street. The sparse amounts of red and blue paint contrasted well with the stark white of the rest of the palace.
The inside was even more stunning. The marble floors were so smooth and gleamy they reflected the colors of the vibrant mosaics that lined every inch of the walls and ceiling. The air was fresh and scented like roses.
Joe expected there to be more servants in a big palace. The few he did see shot daggers their way when they noticed the four damp teens tracking water on the clean floors.
Cleopatra instructed a servant to gather some new clothes for them as she led them through a maze of halls to a guest room.
"Room" was an understatement. It was the size of four of Joe's room put together. A bed sat in every corner of the room with a large window overlooking the sparkling bay and the rest of Alexandria.
Fred whistled. "Nice digs you got here."
"No kidding," Sam mumbled, eyes drinking in every detail.
Cleopatra beamed. "I'm glad the room is to your liking."
The servant from before returned and handed them each a fresh set of clothes.
"I'll let my company know you've all arrived." She grabbed Izzy by the hand and led her out of the room. "Follow me, priestess. I'll escort you to a more private chamber to change."
Izzy's cheeks turned pink. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that…"
Once they left, the boys each picked a corner to change in; the room was spacious enough for each of them to get enough privacy. Joe inspected his new clothes. He got a light red tunic with a brown shawl and sandals. He tried to remember how to wear a chiton. In eighth grade English, their class had an entire unit where they got to study ancient Greek myths and had a dress-up day where their teacher, Mrs. Brown, taught them how to put one on. After fumbling around for a moment he was able to get it right.
"Not that I'm complaining," Joe said, "but what's with all the Greek stuff?"
He faced his friends. Sam wore an outfit similar to him, except it was pale and orange instead of red and brown. Fred's was more elaborate. His chiton was purple striped with gold designs along the hem.
"The Ptolemaic dynasty was Macedonian Greek," Sam explained. "They ruled Egypt but didn't really adopt many of their customs. In fact, Cleopatra was the only one in her family who learn to speak Egyptian."
"Greek, eh?" Fred said, placing his dumb crown over his hat. "Explains why Cleo's so… pale?"
"Someone should've told the Greeks about pants," Joe said adjusting his clothes.
"I kind of like the extra breathing room," Sam said.
Joe and Fred just looked at him.
Sam frowned. "What?"
Before they could retort there was a barrage of footsteps in the hall, heading towards their room. Jodie, Samantha, and Freddi barged in. Like them, the girls wore chitons, maroon, yellow, and blue respectively.
"Finally!" Freddi cried. "You guys made it."
Samantha chuckled and covered her mouth. "We heard you almost drowned in the Great Harbor."
"What took you so long?" Jodie put her hands on her hip and looked at them like she was impatiently waiting for an explanation.
Joe's eyes twitched. "Took us so– finally– so it was you guys that brought us here! Wanna explain why?"
"We wouldn't have needed to warp you guys here if you three didn't do something stupid with The Book!"
Fred rolled eyes. "How come every time The Book messes up you assume it's us?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because every time The Book messes up it's your fault?"
"Also," Freddi said, pulling The Book from the satchel at Jodie's side. "It glitches out in your timeline."
She flipped it open to a flickering green page. The words and letters glitched and flipping all over the page making it completely unreadable. Images bugged and morphed together, creating bizarro collages of people and places. "We haven't been able to get it to work for a few days."
Fred shrunk back. "Oh."
"Whatever happened made it impossible for us to warp back home," Samantha explained. "I was able to bring you guys here so we could ask you what you did so we can try and fix it, but that's all we've been able to do."
"Ancient Egypt…" Sam muttered, fingers running through his already unruly hair. "Why does it always break in ancient Egypt?"
"Two times isn't exactly a trend," Joe said. "But I think I know what went wrong. Our friend–"
Izzy walked in and Joe lost his train of thought. Her long chiton was the color of her eyes, with a white hem and a golden broach that completed her get up. He'd never seen her hair out of her trademark pigtails before. Instead it was in a messy braid draped over her shoulder.
Izzy froze when she noticed the girls in the room, then smiled shyly. "Hello."
"Girls, this is Izzy," Joe said, motioning between them. "Izzy, these are–"
"Can you excuse us a moment?" Jodie said, her mouth forming a tight smile. Before Izzy could respond, the girls pushed them out of the room and down the hall.
"What on earth is she doing here?!" Jodie demanded through gritted teeth.
Joe held his hands up defensively. "Relax, Jodie. Izzy is a friend of ours. This isn't even the first time she's warped with us–"
"Hold on. You two are hanging out now? And she's warped before? Where did you guys even meet?"
"At school during history class." Joe shook his head. "What does that matter? Look, Iz is trustworthy. She hasn't told anyone about time travel or The Book. You can trust her."
The girls looked at each other and a silent conversation passed between them Joe couldn't catch.
Jodie sighed dramatically. "Maybe you're right. We're overreacting."
"Pfft, yeah," Samantha said, forcing the fakest laugh. "It's no big deal."
"Uh, guys?" Freddi whispered. "This is kinda a huge d–"
Jodie shot her a look and Freddi swallowed the rest of her sentence. "Right. Sorry. No big deal. Not at all!"
Joe looked at his friends and they had their own silent conversation. Something was definitely up.
"Just don't go bringing anyone else on a warp, okay?" Jodie said.
"We're not that dumb," Fred said.
"That's debatable." She put the book back in her bag and ushered them to follow. "Come on, let's get back to the room. We don't want to be rude to your… friend."
"What about The Book?" Sam asked. "You said it was broken? How are we supposed to get back home?!"
"Relax, Gramps." Samantha slung an arm around Sam's shoulder and steered him back to the room. "We'll deal with The Book later. Cleopatra wanted us to meet up before the party tonight!"
Eventually, with enough convincing, Sam conceded. Joe was cool with staying, and he knew Fred was more than cool with it. So often on warps, something or someone was trying to kill them; being treated like honored guests, getting new clothes, and being invited to a royal party was a nice change of pace. Jodie had The Book on her and as long as she didn't lose it they could find a way to fix it and get home no problem.
Back in the room, Izzy leaned against the wall, a dark cloud across her face. She noticed them enter the room and perked up. "Hello again. Is everything okay?"
"It's fine," Joe said. "Girls, this is Izzy. Izzy, girls."
"Nice to meet you, girls."
Jodie scoffed. "We have actual names."
"Sorry. I know. I mean I know you have names but I don't know your names, I didn't mean to… can you go outside and walk through the door again?"
"Ignore her," Samantha brush past Jodie to shake Izzy's hand. "Jodie's just cranky. I'm Samantha, and she's Freddi."
Izzy's eyes lit up. "Oooh. So you're Jodie! Nice to finally meet you."
"You've heard of me?" Jodie looked surprised but quickly recovered her standoffish demeanor and crossed her arms. "Were they talking about me behind my back."
"No. Well, yes. But not in a bad way!"
Joe laughed. "Anyway, the girls are our–"
"Cousins!" Jodie blurted, "We're their cousins."
Before Joe could correct her, Cleopatra walked in the room and fixed them all with a bright smile. "You are all together. Wonderful. Are you ready to leave?"
Fred winked. "You know it, Cleo."
"Excellent!" She laced her arm around Fred's. "This way, King Fred."
The girls looked confused at the exchanged, with Jodie being the most disgusted. "What just happened?"
"It's better if you ignore it," Joe said, following Cleopatra and the crowned Duke of Dorks. "C'mon."
Usually on a warp, they didn't get to travel in style. When they weren't walking (mostly running, they did a lot of running) they got plenty of rides on warships, livestock wagons, and even a tumbrel during a rough trip in revolutionary France. A ride on a horse-drawn carriage as civilians cheers you on was a rarity, to say the least.
They all climbed in, the guys plus Ahmos on one side, and Izzy the girls with Cleopatra on the other. Ahmos had his arms crossed and his eyes on all of them like they were going to snap and kidnap her any second now. Cleopatra and the girls talked as the rest of them gawked through the window at the people and buildings they passed.
"This is so cool!" Izzy beamed like a kid at the top of a Ferris wheel. "How come we don't do this more often?"
Because more often than not, someone wants us dead, Joe thought, though he didn't have the heart to kill her buzz.
Cleopatra smiled. "I'm glad you are enjoying the city."
"Way nicer than the last two times."
Jodie shot a dubious look Izzy's way. "What happened the last two times?"
Izzy blushed. "I ran into some unpleasantness with someone… unpleasant. It was nothing big."
Jodie didn't look satisfied with that answer.
Cleopatra put a hand over her heart. "I'm sorry to hear that. I promise you nothing like that will happen on this trip."
Sam knocked on the wooden side of the carriage.
"So where's your Needle?" Fred asked Cleopatra.
She frowned. "Pardon?"
"You know, that big pointy thing, looks like the Washington Monument."
Sam leaned over to Fred as Izzy distracted Cleopatra from his hair-brained question. "Actually Fred–"
Fred facepalmed. "Please don't–"
"Cleopatra's Needle is three different obelisks; one in Paris, one in London, and–"
"There one in New York," Joe said. "You know? Where we live."
"I know that," Fred snapped. "I've been to Central Park. But it was here originally, right?"
"The original Obelisks were in Heliopolis," Samantha explained. "Well, the London and New York ones were, the one in Paris used to be at the entrance of Luxor's Temple."
"It's funny," Freddi said. "I almost forgot there used to be a needle in New York."
"Freddi!" Jodie hissed, a nervous glance shot Izzy's way.
Freddi slapped her hands over her mouth. "Sorry! I meant... York! In England. There's no needle there, no siree. Nope"
Jodie sighed and palmed her face.
Okay, Joe needed to ask what the heck happened to the needle in New York in the future, but he didn't want to draw Izzy's attention to Freddi's slip up. Jodie wanted Izzy to believe they were cousins for a reason. He trusted her judgment, even though he didn't see the big deal in Izzy knowing the girls are their great-granddaughters. Izzy's seen enough weird stuff to take any news in stride.
"I wish I could show you all more of Egypt today," Cleopatra lamented. "I recently returned, and I wanted to show you all one of my favorite places: the Library of Alexandria."
"You wanted to take us to some library?" Fred asked in disbelief.
"Not just any library, King Fred. The Library of Alexandria: the largest collection of knowledge in the entire world. Anything you could possibly want to know is there."
"Oh, wow. Bummer." Fred noticed Cleopatra's sullen look and cleared his throat. "I mean, there's always next time. It's not like the Library is going anywhere."
Cleopatra smiled at him. The girls and Sam exchanged looks.
"Who wants to be the one to tell him?" Samantha asked.
The Ptolemies knew how to throw a party. People in greek robes and Ancient Egyptian clothes filled the room, mingling and laughing and eating delicious smelling food. The alluring scent of meats, veggies, and fruit drifted through the air as soft music soundtracked the evening.
Like the rest of the party, Joe and the others laid on personal beds with tables in front of them. Cleopatra set the seven of them up in their own section, making sure to sit Izzy next to Fred. "It's proper for a priestess to sit by her king." Afterwards, Cleopatra had to join her family but promised to check in on them later in the evening.
Servants came by, making sure to serve Fred and Izzy first. Their plates were filled with bread, cheese, fish, roasted duck, dried fruits, and boiled vegetables. Joe, Sam, and Fred wasted no time chowing down. The girls (namely Jodie) shot them disgusted looks, but it wasn't their fault the last meal they had was two thousand years ago.
"Sooo, you're the priestess?" Freddi asked Izzy.
"The same way Fred's a king," Jodie muttered under her breath.
Izzy scratched her cheek, embarrassed. "That's the story. But I honestly doubt I'm actually worthy to be a priestess."
"Yeah, right," Fred flashed a grin at Izzy. And nudged her shoulder. "I don't know anyone more priestess-y than this one."
"There's a list of forty-two sins you have to swear you've never done in order to be a priest and I feel like I've done at least six of them…"
Joe smirked. "Is one 'Thou shalt not swipe candy bars from vending machines'?'"
Izzy's cheeks flushed as she mumbled for him to hush. Everyone chuckled and they spent dinner talking and laughing. It's been too long since they've seen each other and it was nice to catch up. The girls got along well with Izzy; she was shy and a little awkward like Freddi and liked nerding out with Samantha over historical facts.
Well, all but one of them got along with her. Jodie didn't engage with her and jumped to another conversation went Izzy joined in. Joe tried not to read into it, Jodie and Fred used to argue all the time and Joe thought they hated each other, but that was just their version of friendly banter. Their Ice Queen just has to warm up to her.
Freddi was finishing the story of the last time the girls had been to Ancient Egypt when Izzy asked, "So how do you guys time travel?"
"We use this beauty." Samantha pulled out her golden pocket watch and dangled it from the chain.
Izzy ooohed and ahhed. "How does it work?"
"Occasionally. I modified this one from a normal pocket watch without the use of magic. But most time machines work via magic or a combination of magic and technology–"
"Samantha," Jodie chastised. "Don't bore Isadora."
"She's not," Izzy said.
"Trust me. You're bored."
Izzy twisted an earring, suddenly very interested in her plate.
"What's your problem?" Fred asked.
Jodie blinked innocently. "What makes you think I have a problem?"
Fred was about to retort when his attention was pulled away by Cleopatra, who smiled and winked at him from across the room. He waved back like a lovestruck dope.
Jodie rolled her eyes. "Could you not drool all over Cleopatra at the dinner table. We're trying to eat."
Fred waggled his eyebrows and put his cup to his lips. "Why? You jealous?"
"Uh, Fred," Sam said. "I wouldn't–"
But he was too late. Fred's face contorted in disgust and he gagged, coughing so loud he drew in looks from people at other tables.
"Ug!" Fred wiped his mouth with the back of his fist. "It's wine? I thought it was grape juice."
Freddi laughed and handed him a cloth napkin. "You're not entirely wrong."
"Not that this party isn't great," Joe said, "but what are we supposed to be celebrating?"
"We're commemorating Ptolemy's return to Egypt and overthrowing of Berenice, Cleopatra's older sister."
Izzy's knife splattered on the floor with a loud KLAK! Her lip curled, like she had a stomach ache. "Oh..."
"You okay, Iz?" Joe asked.
"Y-yeah. Sorry… I should've figured it out. After the Pharaoh returned from Rome, he had his daughter… executed."
The warm and lively atmosphere was suddenly cold and stale. Sam pushed his plate away as if he'd suddenly lost his appetite. "She's right. When Berenice took over, Ptolemy took Cleopatra and fled to Rome to get help retaking the throne. Remember how she said she missed Egypt earlier? I don't know how I didn't realize earlier."
"Why are you guys hanging around this?" Fred asked.
Jodie huffed. "We would've left by now if you dorkbots didn't wreck–" A nervous glance at Izzy. "I mean, we were supposed to be gone already."
"That's how the Ptolemies were," Samantha explained. "They got rid of whoever was in the way of the throne. Berenice herself had her mother poisoned and her husband strangled."
"That's… messed up," Joe said. "But at least Cleopatra was better, right?"
The look on his friends' faces told him otherwise.
"We can't judge too harshly," Freddi said, breaking the solemn silence. "We're in the first century, B.C. The people here have a whole different set of morals than us. And if you grow up in a family like that, well..."
"Enjoying the party?"
Cleopatra approached them and looked them over, gracing them with that charming smile of hers.
"Great party Cleo," Fred said. "Even if the reason behind it was horribly gruesome."
She giggled. "I'm glad all is to your liking, my Majesty."
Fred's ego grew three times its size. Samantha leaned over to Jodie and asked, "Why is she still hitting on him?"
A glance Izzy's way. "Better than the alternative."
Izzy spun her earring. "Not to challenge the Pharaoh's decisions, but is… you know, really the way to deal with this? Can't Berenice get probation or house arrest?"
Cleopatra frowned at Izzy, her bright eyes now dark and unreadable. "Thank you for your concern, priestess, but we must do what is befitting of her crimes. When I rule with my father, we'll have to undo all the damage Berenice did. And what my family has done to Egypt for years..."
She shook her head and clasped her hands. "But enough of that! I am very interested in seeing the After-Dinner-Entertainment."
Joe jumped at being suddenly called out. Everyone was staring at him expectantly. He momentarily felt nervous under their gazes but them he steeled his nerves. Joe was never one to disappoint (despite what his friends said about his tricks). An important rule of show business: never let them see you sweat.
He stood tall and cleared his throat. "Certainly, your Highness. Ladies! Gentlemen! False Kings. I, Joe the Magnificent, am proud to present to you this display of my incredible powers! For this trick, I will need a piece of paper."
The others patted themselves down and came up empty, except for Sam, who pulled something from his robe and hands it to Joe. "I have a dollar."
"That'll do." Joe smoothed out the dollar and ripped it in half.
"Hey!" Sam protested.
Izzy frowned. "Wait, that's illegal."
Joe winked at her and ripped the dollar in half again. "Just watch."
He grabbed the nearest candle and paused for a dramatic flair– really though, he was trying to remember how to do this without singeing his fingers. Again. He would swipe his mom's candles and practice this in his room at night, getting it right only once. So many sacrificed dollars… His stomached churned at the thought of failing in front of expectant royalty and his skeptical friends.
Joe caught Izzy eyes for a second, alight with excitement. Her smile made him forget his previous doubts, and he took a deep breath.
He burned the corners of the destroyed dollar, the edges turning a sooty black. He ignored Sam's whines as he flicked the flames and ashes away and rubbed the burned pieces with his fingers. Once the smoke was gone, Joe pinched the corner of the dollar and shook it open, the bill intact once more. He brushed off the soot and pulled it taut as proof of his trick, a big grin spreading across his face.
"Ta-da!"
Jaws dropped and eyes bulged. Izzy was the first to clap and the others followed suit. Even people from other tables (who Joe didn't notice) applauded him. He couldn't help but puff his chest in pride.
"Thank you, thank you," Joe said. "I'll be here all night, make sure to tip your waitresses."
There were some snorts and eye rolls mixed in with the laughter.
"Astounding," Cleopatra breathed. She took the dollar from him and stared at it in wonder. "I wish to study this further."
Sam stared wistfully at his dollar. "But that's my…"
Joe put his hand on his shoulder. "We'll get you another one when we get back."
A grumbled, "If we get back..."
A deep voice cut through the atmosphere. "A mighty fine show, After-Dinner-Entertainment."
A tall man wearing a golden headdress with robes to match stalked over to them. Gold rings and necklace fitted with red and blue stones adorned his hands and neck. He exuded an aura, not necessarily powerful and commanding, but something like, "I'm the one in charge here. Don't like it? Tough."
The Pharaoh's smile didn't tough his eyes. "A truly impressive act from our foreign friends."
"Uh, thanks," Joe said.
The Pharaoh nodded and turned his attention back to his daughter, his stone-cold look softening greatly. "Are you enjoying your time with your guests, louloúdi mou?"
"Very much, father."
"Thank you once again, Pharaoh, for inviting us and our friends to this party," Jodie said in that saccharine tone when she was trying to impress others.
Another nod. Joe got the impression the Pharaoh wasn't all that thrilled to have them there. They'd (read: Fred) have to be extra careful to be on their best behavior.
Just then, one of the guards hurried over to them, sweating like he'd lost something deadly important. It was Ahmose, Cleopatra's guard from earlier.
"My Pharaoh," he huffed. "I have some terrible news–"
"Can't it wait until after the celebration," the Pharaoh said with a barely held back sigh.
"I'm afraid not. It's about Berenice. She escaped captivity."