Side Note: Someone called my attention to a math error in chapter three. Anakin had not seen Padme in 23 years not 33 years. I wrote that chapter before I treated wookiepedia like a god. It has been corrected. I apologize, and thank you for reading. If it happens again, I ask that you be gentle, I am still a Padawan. May the Force be with you.

The next morning I signaled Depa around 0700 hours.

"Hello?"

"Hi, its Anakin. I know it's early. What is the earliest appointment I could schedule?"

"For who?"

"Me."

"My office, one hour."

"Oh no, I am not in any trouble."

"We have not talked in three weeks."

"What?"

"I believe you were busy with Ahsoka, tracking Palpatine, and busy with Ahsoka. If you skipped this weeks appointment, I was going to have to tell the council."

Panic filled my chest. "No, no, that won't be necessary. Your office in an hour. I'll be there. Skywalker out."

I ran my hands through my hair. The last thing I needed was the council on my ass.

"So," said Depa.

"So."

"It's been a while."

"Yeah that's my fault, with the kids turning one, and then Ahsoka got hurt, I been all over the place, and-

"Not wanting to talk about something."

"No, everything's fine."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So the man who tortured you for years, breaks out of prison, hurts your best friend, kills her unborn child, causing her to spiral into depression and lose twenty pounds, becoming dangerously anorexic, meanwhile he is nowhere to be seen, and your great?"

"Yep."

"So why did you call me?"

"Padme is worried I am going to snap."

"Are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Anakin, you have seen me every week for two years now. You know I am not going to hurt you. Why aren't you talking to me?"

I breathed in. "I am scared I am going to get in trouble."

"Because you are struggling with the Dark Side?"

"Yes."

"You are not going to get in trouble. We are not going to bar you from missions unless it's not safe. We certainly are not going to kick you out of the Order because you're angry. But you need to talk to me, Ani."

I smiled at her use of my childhood nickname. I figured until now, Depa had been very understanding of my dealings with Palpatine and the Sith. She has even helped me see where it was manipulative and abusive. We talked about Vader in here before, maybe I can do it again.

"Okay, I want to kill Palpatine."

She nodded for me to continue.

"Not because he is a Sith and we need to stop him, but because he hurt Ahsoka. Every single time I see Ahsoka, see her ribs, see how little she eats, see her sunken eyes, I want to kill Palpatine. I don't know what to do about it besides try and track him and kill him."

"So you want revenge."

"Yes, and I know it's bad and the wrong thing to do. I need to forgive him and all of that, but I can't. They knew the gender of the baby so he killed my niece, then my sister stops eating and lost twenty pounds and change. It's all his fault."

"Who are you mad at?"

"Palpatine, what kind of question is that?"

"Anakin?"

I shuffled my feet and looked down at my hands. I remembered my conversation with Padme, "Its my fault, I let her go."

"I'm mad at myself," I finally answered.

"Why?"

"I let her go. We were so eager to catch Palpatine that I put my best friend in harm's way, and she got hurt. I was being selfish and it's my fault that the baby's gone and Snips is starving," I said clenching my fist.

"You have blamed yourself for a lot of things haven't you. Let's see, it's your fault they left your mom on Tatooine and only took you. It's your fault that your mother was killed by Tuskin Raiders and your reasoning for that is you saw her dying and you waited until the last minute to do something, even though you were on assignment. It's your fault Padme died, even though we discussed that was a psychological break you could not control. It's your fault Order 66 happened even though that was planned before you were born. It's your fault Luke and Leia were split up, even though you were not in that conversation. It's your fault Obi-Wan's depressed. Now it's your fault Ahsoka's depressed. Sounds like everything is falling apart and it's all your fault."

"I am agreeing with you," I said nodding.

"I am being facetious," she said.

"Oh."

"Anakin, you know what you are responsible for. Your fear, anger, hate. Keeping secrets from Obi-Wan, and the rest of us about Padme. Getting guidance from a Sith Lord instead of the Jedi Council! I am not letting you live that one down. Choosing to be Vader. That was all your fault. Your illness is not your fault, and Ahsoka's illness is not your fault."

"She is my best friend. Damn it, she's like my sister. Now, she won't eat. Rex wants to hospitalize her. I am scared and angry. I want to kill something then never leave her side. What do I do?"

"Have you released it to the Force?"

"The Force is dumb. You can't trust the Force."

"Why, cause it was the will of the Force that all of the masters got killed in Order 66?"

"I regret saying that."

She laughed, "I bet you do. If it helps Obi-Wan tried to come to your defense, but he could not keep a straight face. He knew you were being so ridiculous."

"Great," I said.

"Anakin, the Force is in our very nature as Jedi, and as the Chosen One, you are so attuned to the Force that you can manipulate it in ways that even we cannot really understand. But to use the Force, you must have faith in it. To cut yourself off from it would literaly be losing a part of yourself. You must trust the will of the Force. I know Ahsoka is hurt, and you are hurting for her. But neither you must stray from who you are."

"Okay," I mumbled.

She sighed. "Let's stop here. Tell Padme your fine, you just need help processing things. I'll see you at our normal schedule next week."