Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, otherwise, there would be no time-skip and we can see some Gaara character development!
Fascination
Genre: Angst, Action
Date last revised: February 1, 2019
Special thanks to Nanami, kazuyaryo and fanofthisfiction for the reviews! I appreciate it. And special thanks to FH for reading over this chapter and for his input.
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Sakura stared at the boy in front of her, merely thirteen years old and about to be the Godaime Kazekage. He stood in the middle of the office, regarding her and Tsunade with speculative eyes. Those same eyes that had last looked at her with the intent to kill now looked like-
"Are you wearing makeup?" Sakura blurted out before she could help herself. Tsunade glanced at her, surprised at her outburst.
"Sakura!" Tsunade said, horrified. "That's no way to talk to the-"
"It's fine," Gaara said, indulging in Sakura's question. He regarded her with his heavy stare and Sakura tried her best not to fidget under his gaze. "Here in Sunagakure, we regard beauty as a sign of holiness. Since I am to be the Kazekage, the closest thing to Kami here, I have to look my best in order to assure them that I am not a monster about to lead them to destruction. I had to line my eyes with kohl, and put cream on my face to make my skin paler. Before that I had to bathe in a bath of milk, honey and salt. Such things are a ritual all Kazekage must endure, but for me, it holds more weight."
Sakura was suddenly aware of the sweat that clung to her face, the sand that embedded themselves on her skin since their week-long trip to Suna and her clothes that desperately needed washing. She wished that she had been given time to shower and get changed before meeting Gaara. Even though they were around the same age, the air around him was different. He carried himself with quiet confidence, a far cry from the Chuunin exams, when he looked about ready to kill everyone around him. For some reason, she had expected him to be taciturn, like Sasuke. She was pleasantly surprised that he answered her question, and even more so that he answered it honestly and at length - after all, males don't usually admit to doing something as feminine as applying makeup.
"And did that help?" Tsunade asked mockingly, snapping Sakura out of her thoughts. Gaara shook his head.
"Unfortunately, Shukaku cannot be beaten, even with the potent combination of honey, milk and salt," Gaara said. Sakura wasn't sure whether he had just uttered a joke, but refrained from laughing, just in case. "But that's why I called you here today."
"Ah, yes, the mission," Tsunade said. "I'd like you to tell us more about Shukaku and your relationship with him." Gaara nodded his head and motioned for them to sit down before taking his place behind the desk. He closed his eyes for a moment and heaved a quiet sigh.
"This is all classified information?" he asked, his piercing gaze focused on Tsunade. Her mentor nodded. Gaara looked worried as he glanced at Sakura but did not press further.
"Shukaku has always been a separate entity in my head," Gaara started, eyes staring at something beyond them. "When I was younger, it was comforting to have someone know me so well. Whenever he talked to me, I didn't feel alone. When I hated the world, he gave me a purpose. He was the closest thing to family for me. It didn't matter if I was alone, because Shukaku was there to guide me on my path. When I lost to Naruto, I realised that I was wrong all along. My way of life, my beliefs - all of that had been fed to me by Shukaku, in order to make me more reliant on him. He could continue to give me power, and I could continue validating my purpose." Gaara shook his head.
"I'm trying to be better," he continued, trying to reassure himself. "I know I am. I need to be. But Shukaku, since I've stopped responding to his encouragements, he's resulted in more underhanded methods. If I let my control slip for even a moment, he influences my thoughts. It's gotten to the point that I'm starting to doubt myself."
Sakura felt pity for the red-head in front of them. Here he was, still a child, battling with a demon inside his head while about to be entrusted with the heaviest duty of them all. A Kage gives his life to the village, but at thirteen years old? He has not yet lived, Sakura thought sadly.
"How do we know that we're talking to Gaara right now?" Tsunade pressed. Sakura stared at her shishou, shocked. Who's the one being rude now?
"I assure you I am currently of sound mind," Gaara replied, not at all affronted. "Last night, Shukaku had been fed, so he should be satisfied for a few more days." Sakura shivered at the clinical way that he talked about killing. Sakura saw Tsunade's hands clench into fists but her expression did not change.
"Shukaku is not against me becoming Kazekage," Gaara said grimly. "This is cause for concern. He knows my thoughts, but I am not privy to his. I don't know what he's planning, but I need to be stronger mentally. Otherwise, I don't know how long before he fully integrates himself with my consciousness." Tsunade took a deep breath.
"Why would you want to be Kazekage if you're not fully in control of your bijuu?" Tsunade asked. "I understand that you have to follow the Suna Council's orders, but you're more than capable to decline their request. From a medical standpoint, I don't think you're mentally fit to rule Sunagakure at all." Sakura's eyes had widened to saucers at her mentor's words, and the tension in the room was almost suffocating as Gaara leveled her shishou with an intense gaze.
"I am the most suitable candidate," he said after a tense silence. "Make no mistake, Hokage-sama, I know Shukaku is using me. But I am also using him. Because of him, I have the power to save Suna should she require it. For me, this is enough reason to co-exist, and to lose a part of myself. I don't want pity because this is a choice that I made, and I am fully aware of the consequences. What I want is a solution to a problem. Now, the question - will you accept the mission?"
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Author's Notes: I am really worried about this chapter mainly because of Gaara's characterisation. I realised that a lot of GaaSaku fics I read paint him as a stoic person, but after re-reading Gaara's fight with Kimimaro and his monologue before the finals in the Chuunin exams, I realised that he's actually not. In fact, I'd say he's very eloquent with his words. So I hope I managed to convey that in this chapter. I wanted it to be a bit lighthearted, but it seems like I only managed it in the first part haha. I'll have to do a better job next time.
The more I try to write, the more I realise the depth of writing which I'm missing. I really want to do this story justice and I hope I can show you the story that's been in my mind for about four years now. I still need a beta, if anyone is interested.
Reviews would be appreciated because it really fuels my writing!