A heavy hand landed upon his shoulder. Juice didn't know how, but somehow a voice managed to seep through the chaos in his head.

"We don't know if it's true, son. Might be just another trick to fuck with our minds."

Juice rubbed his eyes. Hopeful, he looked up to his president. Could that be true? Was this just another prank Maddox was pulling? Was it a warning; a sign of what would happen if they kept trying to find Dana?

His breathing slowed down a bit, and the pain he had felt was expelled by shame. It was so easy. Maddox just had to clap his hands and they were all freaking out. His eyes shot to Kozik. He didn't know why, but if his brother believed that Clay could be right, he would believe it too.

With a nod, Kozik agreed with Clay. Even though his eyes were still red, he seemed to have pulled himself together again. "Yeah, there's a good chance you're right. After all, all this is just some sick game to him."

Juice rubbed his face, taking a few deep breaths. Clay offered his hand and pulled him on his feet. Juice's eyes shot to the card that was still on the table. Again he felt a stab in the chest, and with his fist he rubbed his ribs. It didn't make the pain go away. What if it was true? Would Maddox really kill the woman he went through so much trouble for? All this time he had raped her, why the hell would he care about her feelings now?

Or had it happened in a whim? Like the time he had killed Lotte? Like Maddox had murdered his daughter?

Again his hands started to shake and he couldn't breathe. Clay wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him to the couch. Once he was sitting, someone pushed a glass of water and some pills in his hands.

He was only partly aware of how he laid down on his side, clenching a cushion to his chest. Then he slipped into oblivion.

Juice had no idea how he had gone through the night. With lots of panic attacks, that was for sure. When he sat next to Sack in the black van the next morning, not being able to ride, he felt completely exhausted. He felt empty. The thought that all this could be a trap, didn't bother him at all. If Maddox had wanted him dead, he would have died a long time ago. But he didn't want Juice to die; he wanted him to suffer. To suffer without an end.

Juice didn't say a single word as they drove to Bakersfield. The last time he had been there was at the funeral of Dana's mom. That day he had realized that he loved her; when she had disappeared after a shooting on the cemetery. Opie had saved her back then.

And now he was dead.

And she might be as well.

His life felt like a horror movie.

From the corner of his eye he looked at Sack. He didn't talk either. He wasn't the same man as before; back in the day he had constantly made comments that even made Juice feel smart, and there had always been a grin on his face. Now he however hadn't smiled or smirked in months, as if the memory of how to do that had vanished too.

Juice knew he still blamed the guy for his memory loss, even though he knew his brother couldn't do anything about it. Those memories however were still somewhere in his head – and a part of him was convinced that the man would find them back if he tried hard enough.

Juice's legs could barely carry him as they walked to the funeral home. He had never been inside; he had only been on the adjacent cemetery. All Sons gathered in front of the entrance, awkwardly looking at each other.

"I'm gonna take a look inside," Jax said. With a nod of his head he gestured Bobby to follow him.

Juice paced in front of the door. Voices sounded from inside the building, although he had a feeling there weren't a lot of people. Now and then someone left the house, wiping his or her eyes with a tissue. He however was too stressed to be able to recognize people from the last funeral.

Huddled together, they waited until Jax and Bobby returned. Jax sighed deeply as he laid a hand on his shoulder.

"It's her. I'm so sorry brother." He pulled him in an embrace, kissing the top of his head.

Juice couldn't move. His breathing, his heart – everything just seemed to stop. His legs collapsed, but his VP caught him and helped him to sit on the ground.

Juice stared forward.

He even felt too numb to cry, to scream.

He just wanted everything to cease to exist. He wanted to be dead too. Then all this would finally be over – for once and for all.

For a long time he stared forward, feeling sedated, feeling defeated as he was sitting in front of the funeral home. In the end, Kozik and Clay pulled him on his feet.

"Come, let's say our goodbyes to her." Kozik's voice sounded small.

Juice let them drag him along. It felt like his feet were walking without his brain giving them the order to do so; all his emotions seemed to be paralyzed.

And there she was, in a coffin. Eyes closed, hands laced on her waist.

Fluid itched down his cheeks. Apparently his tear ducts were working again.

"It looks like she's asleep." His voice sounded shaky. There were no traces of a fight.

Kozik didn't answer. With wide eyes he stared at the girl. The girl that he had known since she went to elementary school.

Juice grabbed the edge of the coffin and looked at the huge tattoo on the column of her throat – the Crow.

It was really her. It was his girl that was lying there. His fiance.

His lips were quivering, he held out his hand and stroked her cheek. "Oh Dana..."

Sobbing, he clung to the wood. It was so unfair. Of all the people he knew, she was the one who deserved to be the happiest. Tears dropped down as he leaned over her and kissed her lips. They seemed to feel warm, as if she had died just a couple of minutes ago.

Maybe it wasn't even his imagination. Maybe Maddox had killed her an hour ago while he had done nothing to find and save her.

As usual.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, caressing her cheek, her hair. "I'm so sorry."

He clenched his other hand into a fist, pressing it against his mouth.

It had been two years since he had seen her; since she had left him behind in an abandoned church, bleeding. And now she was dead. She had never wanted to die – no matter how tough things were, she had always wanted to live.

His fingertips glided down her neck, across the ink that looked new. Ink that should have bound the two of them together – but that would perish now, with the rest of her body. He kept stroking her skin, kept pretending that she was sleeping, that she would wake up now he had finally found her. All this had to be a trick to return to him, so that they could finally be together again.

But slowly, the cold truth crept into his heart.

If they would ever be together again, it wasn't in this world.