Hello! I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. I haven't wrote anything for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines, St. Patricks, and I'm even too late for an April Fool's chapter. Man, I'm the worst.
But hear me out, ok? I've been… how do you put it… in dire straits, recently. Well, everyone has. You know what I'm talking about. COVID-19, what a tame name for such an awful virus.
But, that's not what put me in dire straits.
Even before this, I recently became unemployed. My living situation has been not good. I don't like using this space that should be taken up with a story as my personal blog, but my life, believe it or not, is directly related to whether this story continues. If I don't have a job, if I can't pay my bills, hell, even on the opposite end of the spectrum, if I'm working too much, I can't focus on the story.
Like I said, I'm the worst.
HOWEVER! THIS IS NOT THE REASON WHY THE STORY HAS BEEN DELAYED SO LONG! IF YOU WISH FOR THE TRUTH, I SHALL GIVE IT TO YOU!
HERE IT IS…!
Fallout New Vegas keeps crashing.
I didn't have this problem years ago when I played it. Must be the disk aging or something. Too many hours, too many save files? I dunno.
I'm serious, I play it for like 30 minutes. Crash. Lose progress.
Play for two hours. Try to save. Crash. Lose progress.
Walk into raider territory. Try to snipe them. Game tries to load them.
Crash.
This is an issue for one reason. Want to know why?
There's no video of Daniel's (from Honest Hearts) complete conversation tree on youtube.
Having this information is vital to my story. This is the sole reason I haven't been able to write the next chapter. It requires
So, I humbly beg you, good readers, please upload Daniel's conversation tree.
I need your help.
I'm not asking that you do it for free. Whoever posts this video, I will write whatever story you want me to. No matter what it is. One chapter. Up to 8000 words. Or complete a request for something to be in the story.
Whoever posts this video, I will be in your debt.
Well, with that being said, let's get this Omake chapter on the road. Can't leave you guys empty-handed after all.
Haha, I'm sorry it's been so long. I even introduced two of the main characters of the actual story in a non-canon story. I really am the worst. A failure of an author. Please forgive me.
The following Omake contains vulgar humor and possible OOC, even worse than "That's a katana". Reader discretion is advised.
Once upon a time, in a tall tower, there was a rather old man. The old man loved his coffee, and his green scarf. He loved everything green, really. But he especially loved his secretary.
"I don't recall saying any such thing." The old man replied. But what he didn't know was that this story is told through the all-knowing narrator's perspective.
"If you know all, then predict what I'm about to do."
The old man wore spectacles, and a dark green jacket, and a- ow! Did… Did you just poke my eye?
"I believe I did."
I'm the narrator. You can't do that.
"And yet I did. Disembodied voices that claim to be all-knowing are about as common as house cats. I'd be quite the fool if I didn't learn how to defend myself against one."
No, you don't- When I said you can't, I meant…
Oh, fine. How do you want this story to start?
"The dashing headmaster Ozpin saves the world from his evil ex-wife in a way that doesn't remind people of domestic violence, and he lives happily ever after with his harem of busty ninja disciples who call him sensei. The End."
Ugh. Gross.
"I read that off your idea list."
Ah… Well, you see…
"Regardless, this is all well and fun, but I have an academy to run, you know. I can't afford to waste much more time on you."
Oy, I'm the narrator here. I decide the pace of the-
"I'm turning on the PA System."
Don't you dare.
"Testing. One, two. Testing. Alright."
If I can't get you to go along with the story, I'm leaving. Look, I'll level with you. There's six holiday events we have to go through, so the sooner you cooperate the sooner we can both get this over and done with.
"Good morning, students. It has come to my attention that due to a sickness going around-"
Oh, do not even GO there you-
"The council of Vale has decided that you will spend an increased amount of time doing your schoolwork at home. Additionally, to compensate for the school days lost, we are getting rid of several holidays and combining them into one."
Are you trying to get me fired?! Do you even know how many people that's going to piss off?! Are you trying to get us sued?!
"From here on out, the only holiday recognized by Beacon Academy is New St. Christmas Valentine Foolsgiving. We can't hold any meetings of more than ten people by law now, so proper instructions on how to safely celebrate your new holiday will be sent to your scroll via electronic bulletin board system messaging."
Bulletin Boa- nobody uses that anymore!
"School is dismissed for the day. Stay home, stay safe, and remember- Hail Ozpin!"
I hate you so much.
"Get used to it. Disembodied voices need to know their place. I run this show."
Aren't… Aren't you a disembodied voice in the later sea-
"Shhhhhhhhhhh…. Yes. Yes I am. Now, kindly return my role back to me. Unless you want another poke in the eye from Daddy Ozpin?"
No. No, I don't want that.
"That's what I thought."
Ozpin takes a sip of coffee from his mug. He made it, so it is the best coffee ever made.
"That's right. Good bitch."
"Whuh wis wat?" A voice comes out from underneath the executive table.
"Oh, nothing. Just enjoying this coffee. Continue your work, Ms. Goodwitch."
"Hamph."
Ozpin leans back in his seat.
"Oooooh, yes, very good work, indeed. Just remember who's the narrator here."
…
"Good to see your skill hasn't diminished with age. Hey, Ms. Goodwitch. Ah, there's a good pace. … Hey Glynda, wanna hear something funny that I just realized?"
...What?
"The PA light is still on."
YOU FUCK-
"MERRY SAINT FOOOOOOLSGIVIIIIIINGGGGGG!"
GOD MY FUCKING EYE
Welcome to NV-Chibi.
A blonde haired Xiao Long walked through the kitchen grabbing a juice box out of the fridge, before sitting down on the couch next to her sister, who was laying down and taking up entirely too much room.
"Hey Rubes, whatcha watching?"
Ruby put a hand under her tank top and scratched her tummy.
"I'm trying to find some good anime, but there's just so… many… commercials."
She flicked through the channels on her remote.
The screen showed an orange haired girl with green eyes waving at the screen.
"Sal-u-tations, my friends! My name is Penny."
"AND I AM LIBERTY PRIME, VANQUISHER OF RED CHINESE COMMUNISTS."
"You know Mr. Prime, I bet we actually have a lot in common. My job is to protect humanity from soulless monsters. What do you do?"
"I DO THE SAME. IN AMERICA."
"Cool! So we basically do the same job, then."
"ANYONE WHO FIGHTS THE COMMUNIST MENACE IS A FRIEND OF LIBERTY."
"F-friend? Do you mean it? Do you really want to be my friend?"
"UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL."
"Hooray for friendship!"
Yang cocked an eyebrow.
"What is this advertising?"
Ruby shrugged. "I don't really know."
"What else are you programmed to do, Mr. Prime?" The girl was sitting on his shoulder now.
"I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED WITH TWO NON-COMBAT DIRECTIVES: DODGE TAXES, FUCK THE IRISH."
"B-but I'm Irish..."
Liberty Prime's head spun to face her, his eyes glowing red.
"THEN ASSUME THE POSITION."
Weird music started to play, and Ruby never changed the channel so fast.
"Y-yang… Was that… Pen...ny?"
Ruby's face was the color of her namesake.
Yang had a shit-eating grin on her face.
"Hey, chicks dig giant robots."
Ruby cocked Crescent Rose. "You better not talk caca about my waifu."
Yang's cheeks began to inflate. Only a little bit at first.
"Woman…"
They inflated a bit more.
"Don't you dare..."
Yang's face resembled a hamster.
"I'M WARNING YOU RIGHT NOW-"
"In for a penny, in for a pound."
Yang sprinted back into her room with olympic proficiency, sweating and dodging bullets the whole way as Ruby furiously unloaded her gun. Yang yelled loud enough for the entire house to hear,
"BET SHE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE STICK!"
"OH YOU'RE A DEAD FUCKING WOMAN!"
Blake looked through the fridge. Fish, catnip, catnipped fish, fished catnip, she had it all.
But there was something missing here…
The milk. It was expired!
"Suuuun!"
"Whaaaaaat?" Sun called from the couch. Kali was doing some vacuuming with some earmuffs on, while Sun was playing a video game. She would occasionally obstruct the TV, vacuuming past it, but Sun didn't mind. He stopped paying attention to the video game a while ago.
Kali grumbled as she was trying to reach for something in the TV stand. She was agitated, but her tail wagged back, and forth…
And back… And Forth…
"We're out of milk!"
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
"...Whaaaat?"
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"I SAID WE'RE OUT OF MILK!"
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"Nah, we still got plenty of it."
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
"Wheeeereeee?"
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"Whaddya mean, where? We got it right here at home."
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
"THEN WHERE IS IT?"
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"WHERE HAS IT BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE?"
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
"SUN YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE! WHERE'S THE MILK!"
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"THE MILF IS RIGHT THERE!"
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
"I'M LOOKING IN THE FRIDGE AND I DON'T SEE ANY MILK!"
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
"I SAID, THE MILF IS RIGHT HERE!"
RMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Kali's tail stood upright.
Her claws came out.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE BRAT?!"
Oh, shit.
Think, think, think.
"Ah, the milk, it's right there. See?"
Sun pointed at the screen, and sure enough, there was a bowl of cereal on Sun's virtual kitchen.
"...You know, if you have time to do errands and chores in a video game, why don't you help me out with them in, you know, reality?"
Sun reached into his jacket. "Kind of hard to do chores when there's..." Sun put on a pair of shades, "...An animal crossing."
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Blake ran into the room.
"DID YOU JUST CALL MY MOTHER A MILF?!"
Sun reached into his jacket. "I guess you could say the cat's..." Sun put on another pair of shades. "Out of the bag."
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Sun did all the chores for the next three months after this.
"I guess you could say," Yang put on a pair of shades. "He got his pun-ishment."
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Blake realized there was no significant difference between Sun and Yang after this.
"Oh, I'll have the wine, please."
"I'll have the panini pasta."
The butler jotted it down onto his notepad. "One Bottle of red wine, one panini pasta, coming right up. It'll be ready in fifteen minutes." The butler walked off.
"…."
"…."
"Soooo…. Uh, tell me about yourself, Yang."
"Oh, no, you go first, Veronica."
"Well, I suppose I should begin with my mentor. He wasn't really my dad, but he taught me everything I knew about fighting. What about you?"
"Me? Well, uh… I mean… I learned how to fight from my Dad. Taught me how to box. And a little bit from my Mom, but she left me at an early age..."
Veronica eyed the woman across from her. "Uh… Huh. Mentor left you. You like punching things. Ok. What else?"
Yang started scratching at her arm. "Well, I was sorta disqualified from the Braunwen tribe once mom left. But it's ok, I found some friends, and we get along well. Never would've met pretty much all my friends it wasn't for Ruby."
Veronica mumbled under her breath. "Protagonist recruits you into a team, forsaken by your tribe..."
"Uh, what was that?"
Veronica smiled at her. "It's nothing. Go on. Tell me about your team."
"Well, my Sis is the sniper and team leader, she's probably the deadliest out of all of us, but don't tell her I said that. Blake is different from normal humans, and discriminated against, so she learned how to be very sneaky. Weiss is-"
"Boone, Lily..."
"...Weiss is the most situational fighter we have. She has moments where she really shines, but also goofs up spectacularly sometimes. I guess you could say she's our… Dex fighter? Mage? Snobby rich friend? Bitchy eyecandy? Although Blake does the job of eyecandy better after season 4… I mean seriously, who visits a city in the artic north dressed like a stripper-"
"Fourth wall. Also Cass."
"Ah! Sorry! Sorry… I'm… trying to think of what else I can say about myself..."
Yang scratched her chin for a moment.
"Ah! I got just the thing!" Yang reached into her bag and pulled out two fists- Ember and Celica.
"My weapon! Ember Celica!"
"OH YOU GET TWO POWER FISTS! THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT! I'M SUING YOUR ASS FOR IDENTITY FRAUD!"
"BRING IT ON YA RUGMUNCHIN' UNDER-A-ROCK-LIVIN' DYKE!"
The butler poured himself some wine, watching the fight scene break out.
"How dreadful it must be to have someone else steal your personality and acting role. I'll always thank Mother for telling me to study at Snarky Butler University so I don't have to worry about that."
"Hey-a, Weiss?"
Ruby hung from her legs off the top bunk bed she slept in. It was nighttime, and dark. Only a single lamp lit up the room.
Weiss looked up. "You're gonna give yourself brain damage hanging like that. What's up?"
"Not my head, hee… ha… wow this feels weird."
"I meant what did you want, you dolt."
"You know how you sing really pretty most of the time?"
Weiss' cheeks turned a light pink. "I-I don't know- wait. How do you know what my singing sounds like? And what do you mean most of the time?!"
Ruby gave her a glazed look. "You sing. In the shower. Every morning. Kind of hard to miss."
Weiss dug her head into her hands.
"I can't believe you guys could hear that and never told me..."
"Yeah yeah, whatever angel voice. Well, you sing really well. And Winter can play guitar, right?"
Weiss took her head out of her hands. "Yeah, and…?"
Ruby tapped her fingers on the bed. "And Whitley can play the keyboard, right?"
"Yes…? Where are you going with this?"
"Well, I was just wondering if you guys learned how to do that by playing Rock Band. They have the same exact roles and instruments. Mic, guitar, keyboard, and drums."
Weiss looked at her in the most uncomprehending way possible.
"Ruby, we're Schnees. We had the most talented people in every field training us since before we could walk. We had more money put into our education than most people will earn in their entire lives. And you think we learned music from… Rock Band? Have you ever, even once, heard me sing rock & roll?"
Ruby stared up(down) for a moment.
"I guess that would be pretty dumb. You're right, sorry. Didn't mean to insult your singing. It really is nice. Goodnight, Weiss."
"Apology accepted. Goodnight, Ruby."
Ruby turned off the single lamp in the room.
…
"Hmmmm…. Auuuu… mmm.. niinnn… mmm… *sniffle*"
The sound of running water could be heard faintly from Ruby's bed.
And there was… something else, too.
Ruby got out of bed, following the light siren song until she could hear changes in syllables.
Was that… Weiss?
Ruby had to pee, but if Weiss was in the bathroom, then…
Ruby gulped. There was no turning back now. Without hesitating, she opened the door-
Weiss was singing into a sponge.
"SO SHE STARTED ROCKIN'
AIN'T NEVER GONNA STOP
GOTTA KEEP ON ROCKIN
SOMEDAY SHE'S GONNA MAKE IT TO THE TOP
AND BE A
JUICE
BOX
HERO
NA-DA-NA-NA"
"Pfffttt-HAHAHAHAHA! Juice box hero! Juice box hero! Hey guys, Weiss is a juice box hero!"
Just like that, the water shut off, Weiss had a towel on, and was in pursuit. Ruby ran fast that day, but somehow Weiss caught up. But by the time she did, she had earned the nickname Juicebox Hero. Nobody but Ruby knew why people called her that, but the name stuck.
"So… We have a problem, here."
Cinder raised an eyebrow at her street-wise subordinate.
"Oh? Do tell, Emerald."
Emerald held up the tablet. "This says we need a team of four in order to transfer to Beacon. We have three people."
Mercury, holding a prosthetic leg in his hand, interjected. "Two and a half, technically."
Emerald rolled her eyes. "No, please, tell the joke again. It gets funnier every time."
"Every two and a half times, technically."
Emerald breathed deeply. In, and out.
"Regardless, we need one more person. Do you know where we should start looking?"
Cinder crossed her legs, getting into her best "ooo I'm so evil and evil is sexy" pose.
"All in due time, Cinder. All is going according to plan."
"You don't have a plan, do you?"
Cinder waved a finger. "Can't give away spoilers, my dear."
"That means I'm right."
Cinder crossed her fingers in front of her face in her best Genjo pose.
"...Neo?"
"Neo works for Roman."
"...Well, let's call Roman and see if he has any reliable henchmen. Can't hurt."
Cinder took out her scroll, and tapped a few times.
...Brrrrr…Brrrrr….Brrrrr….
"Ah, Cinder, Cousin! Have you called to go bowling with m-"
Cinder burned the phone to ash in her hand.
"...Ah. Reflexes. Hey Emerald, can I borrow your-"
"No."
"Fiddlesticks."
"Huh-huh, huh-huh. Hey, Lanius."
"Heh-heh, heh-heh. Like, what is it, profligate."
"Huh-huh, huh-huh. Like, you don't have enough supplies to fight the NCR, doofus."
"Heh-heh, heh-heh. Uh, shit. You're right. heh-heh-heh."
"huh-huh. Go like, eat poop, retard. Huh-huh-a-huh.
"Shut up, degenerate. Heh-heh-a-heh. I'll be like, back, or something. And put you on a cross. Heh. Heh."
"A-huh-huh-huh. Like, the west will be waiting for you, dude. We'll be like, ready, or something? A-huh-huh-huh."
"Heh. Heh heh. Maybe it'll be like, cool. Heh. Like a cool fight or something. Heh. Fire! Burn! Heh. Heh heh.
"A-huh-huh-huh-huh."
"Heh. Heh."
Vulpes Inculta's mouth was hanging wide open. Finally, he found the brain cells to speak.
"The fuck was tha-"
Right next to him, General Oliver was crying and clapping as hard and fast as he could.
"BRAVO! BRAVO! EVERYTHING WE FIGHT FOR, WORDED SO BEAUTIFULLY!"
Vulpes side-eyed him.
"You understood a word of tha-"
"COULD USE A HUNDRED MEN LIKE YOU, SCATTER YOU ACROSS THE EAST LIKE JACKS!"
Vulpes stopped trying to communicate with the obviously mentally impaired man. At least his men weren't complete fools.
"Maximillian, what do you make of all this fooler...What are you wearing."
All the men to his right were wearing these atrociously unpractical and unstylish sunglasses.
"Ave, Clout for Caesar."
Then they did some sort of salute where they put their head into one of their arms and raised both of them at a diagonal angle.
...
'On second thought, I heard Texas is nice this time of year. I've earned a vacation.'