For Prophet Business

We introduce Groose and some other people.

Groose was, in a few words, regretting his decisions and life choices today. This stupid guy was costing him ten rupees and part of his precious afternoon off. He did have plans before Strich dragged him here. Rumors abounded that this fortune teller was eerily accurate, had eyes that stared into your soul, and was a really good deal at ten rupees. Groose didn't buy the superstition. The eyes though... he could see how that rumor got started. He was reminded very strongly of the trout he'd caught three days ago when fishing with Ana and Strich. Sparrot could stare.

The delicate woven tablecloth reflected off the surface of the crystal in a myriad of patterns. "My all-seeing eyes behold... I foresee a quest."

Sparrot paused there and Groose's impatience caused him to ask, "And?" The trout was mercifully not staring at Groose but the crystal between them. Groose would not have been able to stand this otherwise. He was thinking of what flowers he'd buy for a bouquet and how that ten rupees could have contributed to it. It would be a good apology to Ana for flubbing her name. He'd manage to untangle that tongue of his today then ask her on a date.

"You will rescue the Reincarnated Hero from the Yiga clan but... There is a vision. I see you will become a poor man in the pursuit of this quest." the oracle said in an even tone.

"Uh, I asked you about my chances with Ana? I paid for a romance fortune." Groose said to remind the guy.

"This is what the fates have decreed I show you."

Dear goddesses above, this man never blinked. Groose wanted to argue but he was wasting enough time already and the trout kept coming back to his mind. Ana was waiting.

"Okay, you know what? Saving Hyrule does sound like me but this destiny thing where I lose my rupees? Not happening. I've got a girl to talk to and destiny can take a hike." Groose said before he left, ignoring the dire warnings about fate being muttered by the fortune teller. The tent was stuffy and he wanted to get back into the market. He pushed past a blonde Gerudo girl who was waiting outside by the sign.

The sign specifically proclaimed "Love, adventure, treasure! See what fate has for you! 10 rupees" and the bold lettering was almost as loud as the stick-seller next door.

"Hey, Groose. What did he say to you? Did he see you with Z-Ana?" Strich asked while adjusting a bag under his feathered arm. The two town guards walked on through Tarrey Town. The sounds of traders calling to passerby mixed with the conversation of travelers.

We should probably take a look at the protagonist and his sidekick. We'll start with Strich. If you are not picturing a yellow Rito version of a Gloster canary then I, the author, have done you all a disservice. If you are too lazy to look it up on the internet, picture a Rito. Picture a tall buttery yellow Rito with a feathery fringe of golden feathers that are very much akin to a bowl cut. He, of course, is wearing the uniform of a Hyrulian knight since he is a town guard. It's the lightweight version designed for being able to fly without being weighted down. The blue and white tabard has the redesigned crest of Hyrule on it which has four tribe symbols on it and the Triforce in the center. People kept redesigning the crest every decade, but I digress.

Groose is a large Hylian with a claymore on his back. As one reviewer so eloquently says, "He emits confidence and poise, and nothing on his person portrayed it as effectively and vivaciously as the slick tower of orange that was his pompadour." His orange hair manages to stay upright in the stiffest of breezes and the most tempestuous of gales. The effect is described much differently depending on whose opinion is asked. If you ask Groose, this slickest of pompadours is rocking the world of hair and trendsetting in the best of ways. People will ask him why he dyed it that color, but the color is one-hundred percent natural. The small child who lives next door to him will swear by Din that Groose uses glue to keep it upright. Groose is large and built like a stereotypical jock on an American football team. He would not be out of place in the field as a linebacker. Do not confuse this build with that of a Linebecker. That is a much wimpier, stringier sort of build. Groose is dressed in classic knight armor but unlike Strich, his is chainmail and plate.

Back to events.

"He just made up some stuff about a quest and me rescuing a Hero. He didn't even say I was the Hero. If he's gonna make up stuff, he should do a good job of it! It's a ripoff. Waste of rupees. Hey, there's a flower stand there."

"I can't believe you slipped up and called Ana the wrong name," Strich said while Groose inspected the flowers. Strich scratched his beak as he waited for Groose. He wanted to see if there were any beetles in the woods.

"Yeah, well, it's not my fault her dad gave her and her sisters such dumb names." Zeldana, Jezeldabel, and little Hazelda were unfortunate indeed. Leon Hyrule's wife had no spiritual power and was concerned one of her daughters would end up being a reincarnation of the Legendary Princess. More pressing of a concern was that the Yiga would single a Zelda out and say, 'This one. Yes, we should murder that one.' The father named all the daughters and Hylia only knew why the wife thought she'd go with it too. The son Daltus escaped the naming scheme unscathed.

Groose thought destiny and determinism were better ignored in favor of being himself. If Zeldana turned out to be the Princess of Destiny, the Hero would just have to sit out a lifetime. Destiny hadn't been half as good at keeping Tarrey Town safe as the man with the amazing hair and his loyal friend. Tarrey Town's guard prided themselves on being vigilant against potential evildoers and monsters sneaking in. The Bolson Construction Company had done an amazing job with the original town plan for being defensible, but the eighty-something years of prosperity meant it had outgrown the island. It now had houses around the shores with bridges crossing above the water. Fishing was limited to certain areas after a few Zora got caught in fishing line accidents. Trade boomed when people realized the Blood Moons were not happening. Hyrule's tribes had set up treaties and so forth before foreign countries caught on to the fact that there were vast areas with abundant natural resources available without monsters attacking every week.

The late Queen Zelda and her husband decided that they liked traveling around a lot more than being needed for every single meeting and negotiation. After a hundred years of independence, towns were not so keen on having everything dictated to them either. Zelda did a few things with the cooperation of the leaders but her scholarly tendencies gave her some very peculiar ideas. There was a parliament and the Hylian royalty were practically just people with a fancy title. When asked why she turned Hyrule Castle into a research lab open to the public rather than making it a seat of politics, Zelda and Link smiled. They, and their children, traveled the country and were rarely there but still managed to build an aggressive literacy campaign starting with Hateno. The Queen had no kingdom in her control but she and Link didn't want one when they could have research labs and a life outside of endless meetings.

Most of the political details were boring and not important to our protagonist. He emerged from the stall with an arrangement of saffinas. He considered warning the two men who were headed into the Fortune Teller's stall. It would give him an excuse to interview the two travelers and make sure they were not up to anything. Tarrey was also a rather popular destination for sailors coming in from Port Akkala. While most people were quite nice and welcome to the town, Strich and Groose were there to take out ruffians. They spotted two potential ruffians walking down the way to the fortune teller tent. The first man looked like he was in desperate need of a nap, probably in his thirties, wearing a blue coat. The second was a teen of Groose's age. The dark hair on the boy's head was in dire need of combing. Groose felt deep in his soul that hair was to be respected. This boy was not respecting himself. The brown and purple clothing left something to be desired but sins of the clothing paled in comparison to disheveled hair.

"Hey, Groose, should we go chat with the visitors and welcome them? I think I heard that guy say he is a treasure hunter."

"Really? I wonder if they just came to restock supplies before sailing again or if they plan on traveling the lands more."

"Heard them say their names are Linebeck and Cawlin when they were out by the milk bar. Linebeck is the zombie-looking guy. The skinny guy, Cawlin, seemed like he is planning on staying a while. He has some business plans for Hyrule?"

Groose shrugged. "If they are out to make rupees they won't stay long with the Like-Likes. Unless..." Maybe they had brought shields, spears, or long sticks to sell? All travelers on foot had taken to poking the ground ahead of them where they walked. In town, it was safe as the guards kept eyes on the ground for the tell-tale glimmer of animate rupees. Dark whispers were spreading that the creatures were adapting new lures. One hysterical woman said she'd moved a strangely placed pot on the road and was swallowed by a Like-Like. The prices of shields skyrocketed in the wake of gossip.

Groose and Strich both lurked outside the tent door as semi-conspicuously as armored guards could. Strich casually leaned on his spear. Groose settled on the ground with his claymore. It wasn't long before Linebeck emerged from the stall with a peculiar expression. Cawlin trailed behind as only a well-practiced sycophant could.

"I mean, it's only a street fortune teller, Mister Captain, how accurate can it be for ten rupees? He seemed to think I have a sister!"

"I can't risk it, Cawlin. Jolene could be lurking around the corner. The crazy woman might be waiting to ambush me at the port for all I know!"

Both jumped when they heard the shout. Strich and Groose didn't jump because they were proper town guards. That was merely a reflexive shift from a relaxed to a defensive stance. Strich totally did not smack his beak on the shaft of his spear. Groose definitely did not scramble up off the dirt ground while getting the claymore scabbard caught on a tent edge.

"I KNEW IT!" The blond Gerudo girl which Groose vaguely remembered passing was the voice's owner. Everyone stared. "You!" She pointed at a shocked Cawlin as Linebeck relaxed visibly. He turned a sympathetic eye to his crewman. Why didn't the boy mention that he too had a Jolene to avoid?

"Huh?" said Cawlin.

"The all-seeing Sparrot was right! You there with the flowers, are they saffinas?" the girl said pointing to the bouquet.

"Uh..." Groose didn't recover from surprise fast enough to get more in before the girl kept talking.

"You with the black hair and the purple shirt! I need to get into the Lost Woods! Destiny awaits!" she said to the probably-not-a-ruffian. "You're both coming too." She pointed at Groose and Strich who now had fixed expressions of disbelief. "I need you all to help me save Hyrule. He said you're the person who will guide me through the woods, to where the sword sleeps." the girl said, pointing to Cawlin. Cawlin's face was unreadable. "Guy with the flowers, you need to help me get to the woods in the first place." Groose wasn't sure what was going on. He was considering marching into the stall to arrest the fish-face guy. He would think of something to charge him with. The girl pointed to Strich. "You are a champion too! I need your scouting ability. Let's go kill Ganon!" There was a long silence. The men all stared before Groose took charge. Someone had to.

"Who are you?"

Everyone else nodded in agreement with Groose. This was exactly the question on their minds.

"I'm the Hero Reborn. My name's Aryll but I'm changing it to Linkle, I think."

"I'm, uh, Strich? Town guard?"

"I'm Groose and what on earth makes you think I'm believing anything that guy in there has to say? Or what you say for that matter?" Groose brushed off dust.

"The fortune-teller said he's the only person besides the royal family that can get me through the woods, that the orange-haired guy with the saffinas would guide me to the castle, and the yellow and green Rito would help me too." Aryll folded her arms. "He said you would all be here outside his tent when I returned from buying more crossbow bolts."

Okay. That was weird that the teller guessed that but it had to be a lucky guess. "Okay, listen. There are several problems with that. Sure he got lucky but I can't just go on a whim. I have a sacred duty to this town as a guard. Also, no random guy is going to be able to get through the Lost Woods. That's impossible."

"But I can see Koroks! Not anyone can and besides, I know the prophecy has to be about me. I'm a girl because I'm Gerudo. It would have been awkward if people thought I was Ganon's reincarnation!" Groose drew a hand across his handsome features. In his opinion, this woman was delusional. Strich looked nervous about the sheer coincidence involved in this being merely a lucky guess. Linebeck opened his mouth as if to say something but stopped as Cawlin ran into the curtained doorway. He looked panicked. Linebeck decided to speak after all.

"Um, I think I should be going but- tell Cawlin that he can catch me at Port Akkala if he's fast." Linebeck fled the scene. Groose rolled his eyes and went into the charlatan's stall. He was certain it was time to make an arrest. Strich and Aryll followed him in.

Sparrot's unblinking gaze was fixed on the skinny Cawlin for good reason. A yellow-robed arm extended a handkerchief and Cawlin took it without a word. Groose had seen that expression before. It was an expression of a guy who had seen death knocking at the door and who, driven by social convention, was honor-bound to answer the door and offer death a cup of hot tea. It was also the sort of expression rabbits had when they smelled predators. In fact, now that Groose really got a look at him, this Cawlin guy seemed a very rabbity sort of fellow.

"...I can take you through the Lost Woods. It's actually really simple when you know how. Top secret, you see?"

Groose stared, "WHOA, wait! You're kidding!" Groose said as Cawlin wiped his face. Cawlin... did not sound like he was lying. The guy should be lying but he didn't seem like it to Groose. That expression seemed to dampen even Aryll's enthusiasm. This was a man offering hot tea and scones to death while being forced to talk about the weather

"Miss Hero? I'll do it. You said you can see Koroks?"

"I saw one on the edge of the farm once. A couple of times I've seen them on the road but I couldn't catch up in time to chat with them. I'm sure I can do it again if we find one!" Aryll said. "Please, you can call me Linkle."

"Come on Strich, let's go. They can go check out the Lost Woods and come back with the sword. Then I'll believe it."

Strich nervously followed Groose out the door. Enough time had passed it was almost lunchtime. "But-" Strich said

"You heard me. We can't just leave Tarrey undefended."

"Mr. Guard? I'll, uh, see you around?" Cawlin croaked.

"Comb your hair. I can't stand the sight of it."

With those words, Groose left with Strich.

Notes: So I decided instead of going for higher quality writing, I was going to do less editing in favor of just getting the story out. I've started too many projects and left them unfinished. Also there are too many stories out where the author starts with a really good story but then never gets to finish. That annoys me. Even some mediocre and terribly written stories I've simply wanted to see what happens at the end.

This still doesn't excuse the incredibly poor job of making sure character description stuff is clear. Thanks Spooky whoever you are for bringing it to my attention.

As of 6/1 do thank Local Minstrel for pointing out more word crimes. Seriously though the flattery is wonderful. Being compared to the Septimus Heap books is high praise and describing this story as unfettered whimsy is better than anything I expected in the reviews! SilentN calling it underappreciated is very flattering.