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He found her easier than he thought he would sitting in a boot with a bottle of sake and a single cup staring out the window. He took in her appearance from a distance, wanting a moment to admire her before everything blew up. Tsunade didn't look a day over 25, not a wrinkle on her face besides her furrowed brow. He knew she was thinking he wouldn't show up. She swirled the clear liquid around in the small cup in her hands. She wore a green jacket with black trim. Beneath she wore a white shirt that hugged her large chest nicely, cutting low and revealing a large portion of her cleavage. It seemed the only thing that had changed about her appearance was her close. Her hair was still long and blond and tied back in two loose pig tails.

Smiling for a moment, Jiraiya considered turning from the spot he stood unseen and leaving. She already expected him to stand her up but he couldn't. The knot in his stomach held him still. The sad look on her face pained him deep in his soul. Sighing, he made is feet move forward propelling himself towards her. Jiraiya sat his scroll down with a thud and she looked up startled as if pulled rudely from her thoughts as he sat down across from her. Her light brown eyes boring into him.

"Don't look so surprised to see me Tsunade. You did invite me here." He flashed her a smug smile that was just so… Jiraiya.

"I didn't think you would show up, really," she drank the liquid in her cup slowly watching him as he waved over a waiter to request a bottle of sake for himself.

"I can't say I didn't consider it, not coming that is, more than once." He looked at his hands that where crossed on the table before him as he tried to avoid her intense look. He knew she was drinking in his appearance as he had done to her from a distance. "No man in his right mind wouldn't be running for the hills if they managed to get away from you," Jiraiya chuckled quietly and brought his gaze up to meet her own. His eye's where warm and friendly, just as she remembered those charcoal orbs to be.

She let out a scoff pouring more of the clear liquid into her cup averting her eye's from him, "I only hurt you when you're an idiot, BAKA!" she spat the last word out of her mouth with bitterness followed by a self-satisfied laugh. Jiraiya could see she was clearly already had a good amount of sake tonight.

"I'm sure you think I'm an idiot all the time," Jiraiya mumbled not amused by the use of his old pet name she had given him as a child. The waiter set his white sake bottle down before him along with a small white cup identical to the one Tsunade was drinking from. He raised it to his nose giving it a sniff to see if anyone had slipped anything into his sake before poring himself a large shot.

"Hm, not all the time," Tsunade replied bringing her cup up to her lips with both hands watching his drink, "You look old," she said smoothly right before he swallowed.

Jiraiya choked on the liquid sliding down his throat as it burned his sinuses and coughed, "What?! We are the same age Tsunade!"

She waved a dismissive hand at him, "So what? Do I look as old as you? No." a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"I'm sure if you released that jutsu you'd sure look like an old hag!" Jiraiya laughed bitterly at the thought of her wrinkled face beneath the young exterior of her face.

"That's what you so rudely think Jiraiya."

He rolled his eyes feeling happy and amused at this banter he had missed so much with her. "Whatever," Jiraiya looked down at her enormous breasts and wondered if they had been that big before. No, they had surely gotten bigger. It had been a very long time since he had seen the girls. In or out of a shirt.

A few long moments past before Tsunade spoke pulling him out of his trance, "Enjoying yourself Jiraiya?" her voice pulled his gaze to her face. He brought his cup to his lips and drank, slowly, "I'd rather be looking at woman's rack that I could actually touch without fear of death," he spoke in a low mumbled tone.

"What, after you pay her?" Tsunade beamed as her words struck him.

"Are you kidding? Woman LOVE me. A strong and noble shinobi who fought in a war! The toad sage! One of the legendary sannin!" he crossed his arms defensively. "Don't forget, even you Tsunade, wanted me at a point in time." He finished bitterly.

"Hm," she tilted her head to the side examining his face. "What are you doing here Jiraiya?" her tone was soft and full of question. Questions deeper than the one she asked.

He searched her eye's knowing the conversation was about to turn into what he didn't want. Jiraiya began to feel unsure about his decision to come here tonight. "I already told you. I have a meeting in the morning with my publisher. You may look young Tsunade, but your age shows in your memory,"

The sake had created a subtle blush on her cheeks and Jiraiya's heart melted as he remembered the first time he had seen that beautiful sake induced blush on her cheeks. She had threated to beat him with a large empty bottle of sake they had snuck from her grandfather at 18. That same night was the first time she had ever kissed him.

"You know what I mean. Don't play games. I hate when you do that. You know I mean…" her words trailed off as the tip of her red manicured nail traced the rim of her cup slowly as her eyes drank in the uneasy look that played on his tan face. She had missed him. He could see it in her eyes and she wanted some answers from him that he didn't want to give up. He tried his best to leave is face expressionless, tried to avoid direct eye contact with her but he loved her. It was almost impossible to not show how he felt to her. This was the only person in the world he had ever wanted to let see how he truly felt after all.

"But I love when you get angry. It brings me joy and like you said, it's been 12 years Tsunade. So much time I haven't gotten on your nerves," he smiled smugly at her from across the table, poring himself another shot.

"It's been 13 years." She corrected feeling her irritation towards him beginning to build.

"Maybe for you," he sipped his sake letting the burning liquid slide down his throat slowly as he enjoyed her irritated expression. Her brows pulling together. "I sat outside your window on a roof and watched you… doing paper work for hours… I wanted to knock on your door but your work looked important. Or maybe you had just distracted yourself so well with it that night that I couldn't bring myself to bring you back to the cruel reality of this world." He sighed, "So I let you be after seeing my godson… and left in the middle of the night. I never planned on seeing you again till one or both of us where dead."

She looked as if she was just told the most shocking information in her life. It instantly turned to anger as she spoke, "You came home after the nine tails rampage? You act like you did me a favor staying away Jiraiya. The village was devastated. I was a wreck!" she shook her head angry with the words and truth he had spoken to her. "Yet again BAKA you think I don't need you. And went off to play ninja chasing Orochimaru!"

Her words stung like the flames of a fire as he watched all the hurt and anger radiating from her body. "It had already ben a year for you. Why would I interrupt your life by stopping by just to leave after? His eyed where bright and fierce as he tried to defend himself.

"Because! Maybe I wanted a better last memory with you then the one was left with! At least you got to see me! Your so selfish sometimes Jiraiya!" her cheeks burned red as she glared at him, "And I'm the one who only thinks about herself!" Tsunade laughed bitterly, "You're truly cruel Jiraiya."

"So are you Hime." His voice was low as his eyes dropped to the table.

Several agonizing seconds passed between them in silence. "Why did you come here tonight Jiraiya…?" Tsunade's eyes pleaded with his for an answer she already knew. He was here because he still loved her. That's why he came. Because no matter what he said or did, how tough he acted, she knew he was a hurt man who was running to keep the pain away. Just like herself.

"I don't know." He said after a long minute. He shook his head poring himself a drink, "I don't know why I'm here other than the fact that you asked. You didn't demand. You didn't force me here. Maybe I was tired of drinking alone? Maybe I wanted to celebrate my book and you just happened to be here," he threw his hands up, "Another bottle of sake! Right here!" HE LEANED OUT OF THE BOOTH WAVING DOWN HIS WAITER. "Why didn't you just let me go Tsunade? You chose to speak up. To come after me. To talk. Why? After all these years I figured you'd be over this. I mean it only took you three years last time,"

He poured the rest of his bottle into his and her cup and threw his shot back, beginning to feel the effects of the sake as his neck and shoulders burned with please. He looked at her with spiteful eyes, "Hm? Going to answer me?"

Tsunade looked down at his hands on the table. His fingers where callused. His knuckles hard on top from being broken so many times. Her head swam with regrets and sorrow. "I didn't want the same memory of you I've been living with for 13 years. You leaving me standing there alone in that ally crying. I just… didn't want that for the rest of my life,"

Silence sunk over them like a wet blanket. Thick and heavy. A man took the two empty bottles before them and replaced them with two new ones. They both sat looking at each other. Jiraiya felt like he had been stabbed in the heart while a fire burned him up from deep inside. How could he love and hate her so much at the same time?

Letting out a long sigh he filled his cup and drank. "Yeah well… you made this mess. Not me,"

Tsunade pursed her lips and picked up her cup slowly letting the liquid side down her throat. As she set it down she reached across the table and smacked him as hard as she could, "HOW DARE YOU," Her voice stung just as much at the mark her hand had left behind. Jiraiya grabbed his face a searing pain flooded his vision as anger overwhelmed him, "If you hadn't been so- so stupid back then you would have known I left Dan before he died. For you! And then you both left me alone and miserable." She snarled at him from across the table. "I'm sure you didn't know that did you. You big. Old. Idiot."

Jiraiya stared at her in disbelief, "if you would have thought that maybe, I needed you like I told you I did, things wouldn't be like this," she drank another gulp from her cup fighting the tears that welled in her eyes. "I wouldn't be trying to loose myself in sake and gambling. You wouldn't be trying to forget me in sake and busty woman," her words where shaky and heavy like lead in his ears. His face burned and his body felt unsure as his mind spun between sake and her words.

Tsunade sighed setting her hands down on the table trying to collect herself as the sake took a toll on her emotions. He studied her long feminine hands and wondered what would happen after today. He wondered what could have been for the past 13 years if he hadn't just left. How could he have ever thought that staying away would be a good thing? He was accustom to his life style now he was sure she was as well, regardless to the reasons for why they were the way they were now. It was clean even through the sake. Both parties loved each other more than the other knew. More than either could bring themselves to say out loud.

"Well damn Tsunade…." Jiraiya rubbed his face in a defeated manner, "What now?" he looked up at her his eyes finally revealing his every emotion to her. "What now Tsunade? Hm?"

"I don't know Jiraiya," she poured the clear liquid into her cup, "I have no idea," her voice was soft and low, "I didn't even think you were going to come tonight let alone get this far in a conversation with you,"

He closed his eyes and rested his head against the booth behind himself breathing deeply. "Where are you heading after here?"

She shrugged, "Where ever the wind takes me. That's how it usually goes. You?"

He chuckled remembering her saying one night when they were younger she wanted to travel the world. See everything. At least she was truly doing what she wished to do besides the pain they had been living with. Opening his eyes he picked up his cup, "The leaf village."

Tsunade blinked, not expecting to hear those words. "Are you?"

He nodded, "The lord third loves my books, go figure. I get the first finished copy tomorrow. The chunin exams are going on as well. I figured it would be a good time to stop in and see how Naruto has progressed as well. He's participating this year… he's under Kakashi."

"Really? Now that's interesting…"

"Mhm," He took a sip from his cup and set it down reaching into the breast pocket of his shirt retrieving a few photographs. He flipped through a few of them and handed the one he was looking for across the table to her. "Looks just like Minato doesn't he?"

Tsunade grinned at the picture in her hand. There was Kakashi, much older now, with three young ninja. A pretty girl with bubble gum pink hair grinning from ear to ear and two boys on either side of her. Kakashi had his hands in their hair smiling. The dark haired boy had his arms crossed and was glaring at the other boy. The boy to the right had blond spiky hair just like his father. He had a smile as big as his mothers and his hand stretched out with a big thumbs up. "The boy or Kakashi? They are both spitting images!"

Jiraiya chuckled and nodded, "Right?" she handed him the photograph back.

"What are the other photo's you have their?" she asked curiously. Jiraiya paused as he began to slide them into his pocket again. He sighed and handed them to her. The firs was a younger Jiraiya grinning from ear to ear next to Minato Namikaze in full ninja gear. They looked so similar they could have been father and son. She looked at the next one. Her heart fluttered, "Oh my. You still have this?" she glanced up at him as he nodded sipping his sake.

It was tattered and old but you could still see the picture well. It was their old team. The three of them and Sarutobi, "My god, it's hard to believe we were ever so young."

"You're telling me. Seems like a life time ago now." Jiraiya glanced out the window at the bustling streets.

Tsunade flipped to the last one. It was her. 18 in a blue kimono smiling brightly. She had given the picture to him on his birthday that year. That was the year she had fallen in love with him. The year they kissed for the first time. They had spent many nights walking the village in the dark hand in hand talking about life and love and the world. It was also the year the war started. The year her little brother died. Flipping it over she read her hand writing as Jiraiya re sited them out loud as her eyes read. "If we make it through this. I'll be yours forever. You have my heart and my word. Love, your Tsunade."

Her hands trembled. It had been her fault. She had promised him. She deserved to be alone. He had loved her for all of these years and she moved on while he was gone. She had even tried to find reason with herself. Even though she had left Dan for him, karma played a cruel game. She could no longer fight her emotions and tears began to well in her eyes as the force of the blow from seeing this old picture all these years later delivered to her soul. She handed the picture back avoiding his eyes as he spoke.

"You hardly look over 25. I wish…" he slid them into his pocket securely, "I wish I could do it all over again," he felt his heart ache in his chest and sighed looking down at the clear liquid in his cup. Refusing to look at her. "You loved me once upon a time and then hurt me in a way I never imagined to be hurt. So in turn I loved you and left you. In the end we thought we were alone. Yet here we are, still dancing around one another Hime," He drank then repeated the action of filling and draining hi cup. "Ah, what the hell do I know? I'm just some old man now," he mused all the new information in his head shaking his almost empty bottle of sake. All the drudged up memories and heart ache he had pushed away for so long. He wished he didn't like the way it tasted so much as he took a gulp directly from the bottle enjoying the way his head was spinning slowly.

Tsunade's small hand found its way into his and he finally looked up at her at the warm contact of skin on skin. "Jiraiya…." he wondered how she held that ocean back in her eyes. Not a single tear had fallen from her swimming eyes. The pain reflected in them was enough to kill any man with agony. He squeezed her hand gently.

"Come. Stay with me tonight." His voice was low and deep and full of understanding. She nodded and they stood leaving. Jiraiya lead the way, her hand still in his own.

As they reached his room at the inn she slid off her heals and he abandoned his wooden shoes. Her little arms wrapped around his middle as she hugged him close breathing in the smell of a man she tried for so long to hold on to. He smelled like timber and musk. She had never forgotten the scent but hadn't smelt it in many years. His body was warm as she hugged his even tighter her tears finally consuming her. "Shhh, I'm right here Tsunade," Jiraiya's words rumbled through her as he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

She looked up at him their eyes locking no longer searching for answers. "Just lay with me tonight, please." He said as he slid his shirt and jacket off. Tsunade nodded, looking at him for a second admiring the man beneath the baggy green and red clothes. As she slid off her jacket and set it on the stiff arm chair in the corner she considered what she had said earlier in the evening. She called him old but she could clearly see he was in better shape now than he was when he was younger.

The mood caste a light glow on his toned chest as they climbed into his rented bed. She could make out the fine scars on his body from years of battles. They met in the middle and he slid one arm around her as they faced each other. His other was just under her Pellow below her head.

Tenderly she placed a hand on his chest her head tucked under his chin securely. He felt the wet tears on his neck and chest as they held each other. "Tsunade, I've missed you… every day since the moment I last say you," his voice was rough and thick with love and pain.

"I've cried wanting you to hold me for so many years I can't even begin to count. I've hated myself for years for what happened. For letting you go. I should have stayed with you," Tsunade sobbed into him as he wrapped her up and held her as close as he possibly could pressing kisses to her forehead.

Jiraiya knew that she really understood his pain. He knew she understood he saw all her pain as well. They were people. People make mistakes but there was a way to find a middle where neither side needed to hurt anymore. This was that spot. Where it all came out. Clinging to each other for the sake of their own sanity. Unraveling the past to be new in each other's arms.

"Tsunade… ill always love you. Just you and only you no matter what happens to me in this life. No matter what happens in the morning. Just know that I no matter what. I will always love you."

He cupped her cheek and she looked up at him. Jiraiya and Tsunade's eyes locked and her gaze moved down to his full lips. "Say it again." She whispered as she watched his lips form the words again. A smile pulling the corners of his lips as he spoke.

"I love you, Tsunade." Her finger tips outlined his lips and he took her hand in his and kissed her palm like he used too when they were 18, "You know what this is?

She nodded smiling knowing that it was the kiss for later, when she missed him and he wasn't there to kiss her. It was the sweetest thing he had ever come up with. Tsunade leaned in pressing her lips to his. Slowly and deeply their lips met matching up as perfectly as they had many years ago. They pulled away slowly but Jiraiya had missed those sweet lips so much he kissed her again trying to keep his mind from exploding from all the memories he had with the beautiful woman in his arms.

He looked at her as he pulled away. Tsunade's eyes where closed and a blissful smile played over her features. Jiraiya kissed her nose, then her forehead, then her lips once more. Her hands traveled up and her fingers tangled in his hair at the back of his neck. "Jiraiya… I love you too and I always will,"

I hope you're ready for the next chapter….