Pre-Chapter Notes: Another birthday has come and gone for one of us (*cough*Shining) and another chapter is now released. This one gets pretty deep in lore but we hope that's okay.
Also with this chapter's release I Know Your Name has officially passed the 100k words mark, not including Author Notes. It's been a journey and this is a serious milestone, but we aren't done yet. We really hope you guys are looking forward to what's in store.
Chapter 14: Truth
Frisk's body bolted upright, hand clasped against his chest. Short, quick bursts of breath fled from his lungs, chased out by the pounding of his racing heart. A sharp, but subtle pain needled him from behind his left eye. A vision again… another bad one.
Lily settled down on the couch next to the hyperventilating boy. After one too many times having been ejected from Frisk's SOUL in the wake of one of these visions she'd wisely decided to avoid sharing his body for extended lengths of time. Still, it was not concern for her own spectral body and gravity's harsh laws that filled her mind at this point. Carefully, she took the boy's hand, running her fingers over the back of his trembling palm to calm him.
"It's okay Frisk... You'll be alright. Shh..." She cooed gently to the boy, before pulling him into a tight hug.
A low groan escaped his lips, and he wiped a hand down his face. "I don't get it Lily…" he gave an exasperated sigh.
"I know Frisk. I wish there was more I could do to help with… whatever it is going on..." She mused, worrying her lip in thought.
The two children remained that way for a while, contemplating the situation. Ever since the first one with Kidd, they'd happen periodically and there was seemingly no pattern to when one would reveal itself. Sometimes they were like a bolt of lightning; violent and sudden but gone the next moment. Other times they seemed to occur in response to some kind of trigger. Some were simple flashes in his mind or out of place sensations, while others were striking, vivid experiences not unlike the first. Some -like this most recent one - would come during sleep, while others preferred to pester him while awake. None however seemed to provide any sort of answer, hiding truth behind obscurity or audacity as they saw fit.
They weren't all bad. On the contrary, some were rather pleasant: smells and tastes he'd never experienced invoking a sense of familiarity, or the phantoms of friendships he'd yet to forge. These, he'd taken as signs, guideposts to mark his way forward.
Yet, he could never predict when the next would come, or what it might show. These strange flashes of insight, similar to memory or clairvoyance but distinct from both, vexed the children to no end.
Lily's hand continued to trace small circles around Frisk's back while she waited for him to calm down. Silence descended upon them within the stillness of the skeleton household. It would be a while yet before Papyrus woke for the day, and who knew if or when Sans would drag himself down those stairs. Not a trace of movement danced from beyond the frosted windows, and the only sound for miles was the low whispering of an underground wind. It was like sleep's veil had covered the entire world, and only the two of them were out of its reach. For all she knew, that could well be true.
A long, tired yawn drew her attention back to the boy.
"Frisk... Maybe you should try going back to sleep? You've not been getting enough and I'm starting to worry." She said, pulling back to look at him. Though his eyes obviously could not show it, the signs were plain on the rest of him. "Just try okay? I'll be right here."
"W..what about you?" He muttered as she drew his head back onto her lap.
The girl simply smiled, and smoothed down his hair with her palm. "Don't worry about me. I'm a ghost, remember? I don't need to sleep as much as you."
Despite his protests, Frisk still found himself pulling the blanket over his body, while using her legs as a pillow. His sleep hadn't been nearly as restful as it was before the visions started occurring. The ones that invaded his dreams were always the most obtuse, as it was often difficult to tell the difference between them, and simple dreams or nightmares. Still, he'd been disturbed once already… hopefully they would leave him be for the rest of the night.
Lily sighed and rested her head against the back of the couch once he'd finally fallen back to sleep. She rubbed a thumb gently across Frisk's forehead, listening to the rhythm of his quiet snoring. The motion was calming, like it was something she'd done a million times. Who knows, maybe she had at one point. She desperately wished to ease her friend's burden, but there was little she could do on her own. There was one person who might be able to help, or at the very least who might have some ideas. In fact, there was little doubt in her mind.
And yet, his words gave her pause: he had offered them 'truth'… but were they ready to accept it?
Eventually daybreak came and with it the town rose to its characteristic welcoming atmosphere. After a quick breakfast with Papyrus (Sans seemed to be sleeping in today), the skeleton set off eagerly upon his daily patrol leaving the two of them to decide what to do with their day.
It had been around two weeks since they'd arrived in Snowdin, and came to live under the roof of Papyrus and Sans. Over that time they'd managed to settle themselves into life among the small monster community. Papyrus had been as gracious a host as anyone could ask for, barring his rather 'creative' approach to the culinary arts. As for Sans, their relationship with the older of the two brothers had improved significantly from their earlier encounter. It was still somewhat awkward, and the short skeleton always seemed a little guarded, but it was a far cry from before when they could scarcely share a few words without raising tensions.
As for the rest of the town, the monsters proved to be as friendly and easygoing as they'd first appeared. After the first couple of days, news had already spread throughout Snowdin of the strange boy, and his invisible companion. Very few seemed to realize that he was a human either. Perhaps this was due to the glowing eye, and the dual presence brought about from Lily's influence, or perhaps it had simply been so long that none of them even knew what one looked like. Either way, those in the know seemed content to keep that information to themselves, and no one else seemed keen on asking.
This was fine with the children. It made it easier to interact with the rest of Snowdin's residents. Frisk truly wanted to repay them for the kindness he and Lily had been shown. He'd made the decision to do his own part to that end. Through that conviction and Lily's helpful insight, they'd managed to do quite a bit of good for the town's residents.
So it was that the two eventually found themselves resting on a bench near the decorated tree in the center of town. It had been another eventful day, but they'd decided to make time for lunch.
"Anyway, just wanted to say thanks again… you know… for helping me find Snowy." Chilldrake said awkwardly. "I'm gonna go see how he's doing, so… see ya."
Frisk swallowed a bite of sandwich. "Bye, Chill. We'll go see him later too."
With that, the green bird monster fluttered off, leaving them to their meal. They'd met Chilldrake a couple of days ago, a cantankerous rebel without a cause. He'd been looking for Snowy, a friend of his who had run away from home after a falling out with his father. His mother had disappeared some time prior and the rebellious teenager was deeply worried about him. Frisk and Lily had decided to help, and eventually they found the monster in question. As it turned out, the young drake desperately wanted to follow in the footsteps of his comedian father, but the latter did not approve of his son's style of humor.
Snowdrake's ice puns could hardly be considered comedy gold. Still, a little of his material drew a chuckle or two from Chilldrake and the children. Lily, a lover of puns herself, offered a little advice to the aspiring comedian which he was thankful for while Chilldrake had simply been relieved that his friend was safe.
"I'm glad things have gotten better." Lily said as Frisk delved into his satchel for another sandwich.
His fingers rummaged about inside the deceptively spacious pack for a bit until his fingers brushed against something cold and metal from inside. That shape and texture was unmistakable and his thoughts immediately turned to their conversation with Sans two weeks ago.
"when you're ready to know the truth… take that around back and use it on the door to the cellar."
The truth… it was a scary thought, and one that Frisk had tried not to think too much on. On one hand, he was curious. He wanted to know what Sans had been talking about, what he knew that the two of them did not. But at the same time, he was terrified. The skeleton had spoken of death, and Frisk as its harbinger. The boy couldn't believe that he'd ever be capable of such a thing, but nor did he think Sans would have any reason to lie about it.
Frisk drew out the key and rolled it about in his fingers. Sans hadn't mentioned it since then… they both knew he wouldn't. But something told them he was waiting regardless.
"Lily…" Frisk began quietly, making sure there was no one listening. "I was wondering... Do you think maybe we should… go to the cellar after lunch?"
"I was thinking that last night, when you shot awake." The girl admitted, kicking Frisk's legs under the small bench they sat upon. "You can't keep going like this Frisk. Maybe Sans would know something about the visions too. But… do you think you're ready?"
Frisk remained silent for a moment before nodding. "Yeah… I think I am. We can't put it off forever."
With the two of them in accord they made quick work of the remaining sandwiches. Frisk wiped his hands against his shirt to remove the last of the crumbs, much to Lily's amused horror, and the two set off on the path toward the brothers' house. Reaching the familiar home, Frisk went about his ritual of touching the SAVE point out front before the two moved around to the back. The bone brothers didn't have much in the way of a back yard. Most of it was taken up by a small grove of trees. But sure enough, upon the rear wall of the home was a simple chestnut colored door.
"Here we go…" Frisk said, reaching again for the key.
"Frisk… wait." Lily spoke suddenly, giving him pause. "I need to tell you something…"
"What… what is it?" Frisk asked, concerned.
The girl paused for a moment. She still hadn't told him about her own experience with the first of his visions. Since then, there had been a few times when one of them would be potent enough to cross the threshold between their minds. She still hadn't told him, being more concerned for his own well being than what it meant to her but… the more she hid it, the worse she felt as a result. It was an odd feeling… the falsehood was never meant to be malicious, but something inside her felt despicable for it.
"I wasn't entirely honest about… what happened before. During that first vision." She said finally. "I wasn't actually lying. I mean, I didn't actually see anything but… when it happened, I… I think I felt something."
"You did?" Frisk asked. "Like what?"
"It… it was bad. It didn't feel like me, but somehow… I knew it was." She tried to explain. "So many terrible feelings, and it was like I was pushing them on something. I've felt something with some of the others too, good and bad. I think they might be connected but… I don't know why. It scares me…" She fell silent, her spectral form shivering a little. "I'm… I'm sorry for not telling you sooner..."
"I thought so…" Frisk's simple reply drew her attention. "You know how I get a smell whenever you feel a really strong emotion? I got one back when you told me you didn't see anything."
"Why didn't you say anything?" She questioned.
Frisk focused on his SOUL, letting its comforting warmth radiate around her. "Because I knew you'd tell me when you were ready. I know there's… some things people don't like to talk about."
"Either way, I'm glad I told you." She said, drawing on the soothing light he'd gifted her. "Whatever we learn in there you know I'm with you, right?"
"Just like always." Frisk agreed, giving a little smile.
He turned back to his satchel and drew out the silver key. It sat cold between his fingers, emitting that strange glow. With a deep breath, the two children approached the unassuming door, inserted the key into its lock and turned. As the lock clicked open, Frisk felt his palm pushed away from the key, as if repelled by a magnet. Strange bluish symbols flashed across the door, penetrating the blackness of his vision: hand signs, flags, a sunburst, a star-and-crescent… all arranged with purpose defying their apparent nonsensicality.
Time seemed to freeze around them, drifting snowflakes halted in the air, and the distant sounds of the town quieted to nothing as the door itself suddenly began to change. Its simple brownish hue was replaced by glowing silver, similar to the key used to unlock it. Glowing symbols twinkled against its surface, appearing and vanishing seemingly at random. Another series of clicks before it swung inward, giving way to the shadows and the descending staircase beyond.
"Well, that's not what I expected…" Lily breathed.
"What did you expect?" Frisk asked.
"A door? Preferably a normal one?" She offered, eliciting a shrug.
Nevertheless, they stepped forward, approaching the threshold of uncertainty that lay before them. Frisk took another breath and set his boot down on the first step leading downwards. The rest followed suit as the children proceeded downward. After what felt like an endless descent, the two came upon another door situated at the bottom of the stairs. No symbols or time-freezes here, just a simple wooden door and brass knob.
Frisk opened it, and Lily had to squint at the stark contrast from the darkened staircase. The room on the other side was lit throughout, and somehow seemed larger than its compact, four walled appearance would suggest. A number of file cabinets were stationed in one corner, their drawers labeled alphabetically. A large workstation took up almost the entirety of one wall, with more drawers lining its bottom. On one end sat a large blueprint writ with dizzyingly complex symbols, as well as notes in the same language that marked the door and at the furthest end was a large structure sitting silently near the table, its identity obscured by the massive sheet that covered it.
It was clean… sterilized. The whole area smelt of strong alcohol. The scent assaulted Frisk's nose and made him feel sick, while Lily's head swam in an effort to establish some sense of reason to the room's odd proportions.
"better to just accept it… your head won't hurt as much."
Frisk jumped nearly a foot in the air at the sound of the familiar, all-too-casual voice. From the lurching in his chest, he imagined Lily must have done something similar. Sans stood before them where he hadn't been seconds ago, wearing his trademark grin.
"heya." He gave a singular wave as if taking their startled reaction as little more than a friendly greeting.
"Holy shit, Sans!" Lily blurted out. Her hands immediately shot to her mouth as she realized what she said. Shaking it off, she continued. "D-Did you have to sneak up on us like that?"
The blue skeleton shrugged. "i told'ja i'd know when you used that thing, remember?"
"That's not the point!" She protested. "You nearly scared both of us out of Frisk's skin!"
"sorry about that. but, here i am, in the flesh. or, yanno…" He allowed himself a wink before his expression took a more somber note. "and since you're here, i guess that means you've decided."
"Yeah…" Frisk said simply. The humorous exchange between Sans and Lily had done little to ease his troubled mind. "I think we're ready."
"you sure, kiddo?" Sans asked, sounding genuinely concerned. "this is heavy stuff, and i'm not sure how you'll react to some of it. and something tells me you won't be able to just reset and forget everything if you hear something ya don't like."
The point of no return, as it were. Sans wanted to make sure the boy knew exactly what he was getting himself (and his friend) into. At first he thought he was just being lazy… trying to come up with any excuse to avoid doing this. After all, all of this was directly related to the kid so it made sense that he should know. But now, he wasn't so sure that was the whole reason. In truth, he was concerned. It had been different before, back when Frisk had already learned much of what was going on. It made it easier to explain some of the more sensitive matters. But this wasn't the kid he'd known. All the records and profiles he'd created to re-familiarize himself in the event of a Reset meant little here. Even the earliest records, which would logically provide the closest match to this child's personality and psyche, were muddied by the factor of Lily and her impression on him. And regarding her, Sans knew absolutely nothing.
But Frisk was different. Fear of the unknown was one thing, but it was a mere mote compared to something else.
"That's fine." He said, focusing his sightless gaze on Sans, right eye-slit burning with a conviction he shared with Lily. "It's scary… but I need to know. Even if it's hard I need to know what happened… what I did back then. That way I can do things differently this time. Better. I don't want to be the person that scared you so much, Sans. And I really don't want to hurt anyone, believe me. I just… want everyone to be happy. If I did something bad and don't remember it, I need to know so I won't do it again."
"pretty big words there, buddy." Sans replied.
"I'm not just saying it." Frisk insisted. "Ever since I fell down here, I've felt like I've been missing something important. Maybe it has to do with everything I've forgotten… and you're the only one who can catch me up. So please, tell me what you know."
"I don't think I've ever heard you talk like that, Frisk…" said Lily, awestruck. "That's really big of you."
"welp, guess i'm not talking you out of it." Sans sighed, and shook his skull in defeat. "then first things first. how much do ya know about little that trick of yours?"
"SAVE, right?" Frisk asked and the skeleton nodded. "Well, sometimes when I feel really determined about something, a golden star-like thing will show up around that spot. They're warm, and when I touch them it feels like time… stops. Just for a second, and then it starts up again."
"how many have you made so far?" Sans asked.
"Five, I think?" The boy said. "Maybe one or two more. Most of them just appear when I feel that way, but I made the last one consciously. It's in front of the house, but neither you or Papyrus have said anything about it. I think Lily and I are the only ones who can see them."
"less than before, but more controlled… huh." Sans mused. "and you know what else they do?"
Frisk's head hung, the memory of what had happened back in the Ruins with Toriel playing through his mind. "Yeah…"
"alright, next question." The grin dropped from the skeleton's face. "somethin' tells me this'll be a hard one, but tell me honestly. as far as you can remember, have you ever… killed anyone?"
Frisk's breath caught in his throat. He figured a question like that would come up but he didn't expect it to be so soon. The boy shut his eyes tightly as if trying to block out the painful memory. The fire, and Toriel's stoic expression. His hand gripping the hilt of the toy knife. Its plastic blade tearing through cloth and magical flesh. The final words of the motherly goat monster, begging them to stay strong.
And the dust…
"Yes…" Frisk breathed, fighting to hold back his tears.
"But… that was an accident!" Lily protested, despite her own feelings. "Frisk was scared! He- he didn't mean to!"
"that ain't what this is about. i'm not here to pass judgment… not this time anyways." Sans insisted. "just tell me… did you feel anything when you killed?"
"I… I felt…" Frisk steeled his emotions and tried to explain. "I felt bad… really bad. I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't stop myself. Then she was gone, and I…"
"that's… not what i mean." Sans said haltingly. He had a good idea who the unfortunate victim was, and he didn't want to think about it. "sorry for drudgin' that up. i meant something else. a feeling in your SOUL, like you'd gotten 'stronger' somehow."
"N-no!" came the boy's shocked response. "Why would I feel stronger after something like that? It isn't like running laps or whatever. I killed someone!"
"You might not have noticed it, Frisk…" Lily said, her voice much more restrained than his. "But I did."
Shock filled the boy's entire being and he caught a stale, mossy scent upon his nose. Regret.
"What…?"
"Just for a little bit, before you reached out to the SAVE point and brought us back." She explained. "But I felt something in your SOUL. A pulse, like some kind of power taking root. But it felt cold… different from how warm it usually feels. Like you lost something at the same time. I think if you weren't so broken up over what happened you probably would have felt it too."
"yep. that's a pretty good way to describe it." Sans said. "that was the feeling of your LV, or LOVE increasing."
"Wait, LOVE?" Frisk asked. He remembered Flowey mentioning that before. "I thought that was just a trick…"
"i bet i know who told you about it…" Sans said, and his expression soured. "but it wasn't a trick, insofar as it exists."
"You said it increased when we killed…" Lily trailed off. She didn't want to finish the thought.
"here we go again, i guess…" Sans shrugged before launching into his explanation of the concept of EXP and LOVE that he'd shared so many times before.
"That book…" Frisk said. "There was a book in the library. It said the crueler the intentions of an enemy, the easier it is to hurt Monsters."
"you catch on quick." Sans said. "that's LOVE. The lowest is LV 1. everyone has at least that. call it the survival instinct, fight or flight response or whatever but you can't go below it. what you felt was probably an increase to LV 2 or maybe 3. that's the point of realization that you have killed and could kill again if you wanted to. not a good place to be, but far from the worst."
"So mine's at either 2 or 3. How can you tell?" Frisk asked, feeling a little guilty that he'd even allowed it to get that high.
"nope. you're still at 1, kiddo." Sans said, a bit of his grin returning. At least that was some good news.
"But you said-" Frisk began, but Sans wasn't finished.
"yeah, your EXP and LOVE increase when you kill someone. but like the ghost-kid said, you went back." Sans went on. "when you load your last SAVE, any EXP and LV you've gained since then is gone. that's how it's always worked."
"That's right." Lily said. "After you loaded the first time, I didn't feel those changes in your SOUL anymore. It was back to normal… there wasn't any trace left of that feeling."
"So I'm… still at LV 1." Frisk took a moment for that to sink in, then in a flash of insight said, "Wait. That doesn't make any sense!"
"It doesn't?" Lily questioned. "You brought her back. If you kill someone, your LV goes up, but if you go back to before that happened then shouldn't it go back down?"
"I don't think so…" Frisk said thoughtfully. "Just because I went back in time doesn't change the fact that I killed someone, and that I remember killing them. The whole idea of LV is how much you can distance yourself from the pain you cause, right? But as long as I load my SAVE, I can just bring them back, no matter how many times I kill them. If anything, shouldn't something like that make it easier to distance yourself?"
"huh. i knew you were insightful, frisk but damn… i didn't expect you to pick it up that quick." Sans said, giving a slow clap. "guess it makes sense… you were the first to point it out before, too."
"Before?" The boy asked.
"yep. in the last one. the time before this one." Sans said wistfully. "i'm gettin' a little ahead of myself though. there's something i need to show you… i did promise everything down to the sock drawer."
Lily rolled her eyes at the lame joke and was about to call the skeleton on it when he turned toward the drawers lining the bottom of the workstation. Frisk still had a few questions... the oddity behind his Execution Points and Level of Violence as the skeleton described it was worrisome, but he decided to leave it be for now. Sans' movements shifted and distorting as he approached it but the children did their best to ignore it. He reached for the first, stopping just short of opening it and gave them a look that said practically said 'last chance'. When neither showed any sign of relenting, he pulled it open, delved inside, drew out a bag and laid it on the counter.
It was clear, with a simple white label affixed to it. The organized fields were a mess of frantic scribbling. But what caught Lily's attention was what was inside.
"It's… Papyrus' scarf." She breathed. "Frisk it's… it's covered in dust."
Frisk barely had time to process this, let alone react, before Sans pulled out another, similar bag.
And another.
And another…
And another….
Frisk drew his SOUL to the surface, letting his crude vision manifest and focus upon Sans. He immediately regretted that decision as he and Lily watched the skeleton pile scarf after scarf onto the countertop. All of them were in various states of wear. Some were nearly pristine. Others barely clung together by a few loose threads. The labels on each bag seemed to mirror them. Some were frantic and desperate, like the first, while others were cold, neat, and analytical. But all had one thing in common: they were covered in dust. Monster dust… Papyrus' dust…
Lily stared in absolute shock while Frisk found himself grappling against a sudden bout of illness. A dozen scarves now sat upon the counter, grim memorials of their once-owner. Sans shook his head softly, almost reverently, before tearing himself away and to the next drawer and on, laying out a number of items alongside the piled fabric: A warrior's helmet, plume dull and dust-covered, the left side of the face-plate caved in. A small bug encased in amber. A piece of sheet music. A small unopened box containing a replica of a black and pink robot with "realistic poseable hair!". A circuit board, the wires burned and twisted. A DVD box sporting a picture of a cat girl on the front titled "Mew Mew Kissy Cutie". A broken crown. A flower decorated tea set. A bone with a big yellow bow.
"This… This is…" Lily muttered, looking back and forth between all the items. Confusion written across her face. She could hardly believe what she was seeing. She refused to believe what it meant. Nevertheless she dutifully detailed each item to her blind friend.
Frisk simply stared as Sans passively piled the items onto the workbench while Lily described them, his muscles having gone rigid from shock. On one hand, there were several items that looked as if they were from happy memories. He imagined the fossilized bug to be a gift from Toriel, and the idea allowed for a brief sense of comfort to breach the surface of his mind. Then his thoughts returned to the scarves. There were so many… Just the idea that he could have done that made his stomach churn.
"This… All of this… This is everything I've done..?" Frisk finally managed to speak, shuffling closer to the counter to continue touching the items.
Surreal didn't begin to describe it. Hope and despair, life and death, joy and sorrow, kinship and brutality. All of it, laid before him like a perverse theater play.
"not just these kid. there's a lot more than this. these are just the most notable. you could say your entire underground journey is held in this box, the good and the bad," Sans explained "but there is one last thing I wanna show ya."
With that, he pulled open the last drawer and reached in, extracting one more item. But rather than laying it on the countertop with the rest, he instead handed it to Frisk. Lily gave a slight gasp as the boy took it.
"Frisk… It's a picture. You're in it. So is mom. There's Sans and Papyrus. Blooky and Kidd. There's a couple others but I don't recognize them. There's a yellow…lizard? A blue fish lady. A robot. Looks like the doll on the counter. And there's… a big goat-man as well. Sort of looks like mom actually…"
She stopped short at that. For some reason the image of the large monster with large horns and regal looking beard gave her pause. Frisk ran his fingers over the frame and the glass, taking in as much of it as he could. He couldn't see the image that Lily had described, though somehow he could imagine it. A number of people, smiling and happy… a family.
"Huh…?" Lily voiced. Something seemed off.
"What's wrong, Lily?" Frisk asked. "Did you notice something in the picture? Is it helping you remember?" After everything he'd learned, the boy desperately wanted some good news, but alas…
"Nothing… 'wrong', I guess." She tried. "It's just… I don't see me. If you've don't this before… wouldn't that mean I have as well?" She murmured, looking at the skeleton through her friend. "So… why am I not here?"
Sans shrugged. "dunno ghost-kid. everything i know and my records don't mention you. you're something new to this whole shebang as far as i can tell."
At Sans words, Frisk caught the faint scent of rain and something else he couldn't quite describe. Lily seemed just as confused as he did. "But… how is that possible? If I've done this before shouldn't she have come up before? We met back when I first fell down here so surely…"
"nope." The short skeleton shook his head as the boy's sentence trailed. Then he turned thoughtful. "but now that i think about it… you've mentioned something i think."
"You think?" Lily repeated.
"i only know what the records tell me. there's mention here and there of somethin' else involved in this timeline business." Sans said. "but as for it being you? might be… might not. there's no name, and little info. can't really say."
"Wh…what do you mean? If I wasn't here before… how am I here now?" Lily asked, confusion lacing her voice. "What does all this even mean?"
Sans simply shrugged again and the room fell silent. Frisk's fingers ran along the rises and divots of the picture frame, lost within his own thoughts. To think that all he'd ever done… all that he was, was lain out on this countertop. A sea of emotions raged inside of him under the stormy sky of confusion. He could hardly believe it – he didn't want to believe it – but he knew it was all true. Even without the mountain of evidence, the boy felt that if Sans had simply told him, he would know. His memories were gone, but something inside him could not deny the truth.
"This is me." he said softly.
"yep." replied Sans. "ever since i figured out what was going on, i started storing that stuff as material for studying the anomaly. Maybe at first, it was just sentimental. hell, maybe it still is. it'd probably be easier to just let this place go… live in ignorance like everyone else. but I can't do it. every time there's a reset, i always end up back here, one way or another. then i learn everything all over again."
His mouth parted and let out a sigh. He looked exhausted… a leaf in a gale, clinging desperately to its branch. After so long spent observing the timeline, each time reliving countless memories… who wouldn't be?
"that photo was the last thing that ever went into that drawer." He said eventually and Frisk gave the skeleton a look. "ya know what that means, right?"
"I think so…" The boy whispered. "But then, why now? And… why don't I remember anything? I don't want to think that it's because I… I don't want to be that person."
Sans watched the conflicted expression upon the small human's face, as well as the dimming flicker in his right eye. That much was clear… the kid might have reset, but the blue skeleton simply couldn't believe that he had some dark purpose for doing so. Or maybe that too was lost along with the memories… he didn't know, but he wanted to trust him. Sans was never good at trusting people. That was the domain of his brother. He'd always envied Papyrus for that. Even during the tribulations of their childhood, the younger brother had the uncanny ability to remain positive. Something Sans had never been able to understand.
Ever smiling, optimistic, and friendly Papyrus… what would he do in this situation?
"ANYONE CAN BE A GREAT PERSON IF THEY JUST TRY! DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF, BROTHER… THE GREAT PAPYRUS BELIEVES IN YOU!"
Sans knew the answer.
"hey." Sans began. "i know it's a lot to take in. there's still more to see, but if you need time-"
"No." Frisk cut him off, though his body was shaking to the point where he had to set the photo down. "I… I said I was ready. I can't stop now.
"Me neither." Lily agreed through his mouth. "I feel like if we stop here, I won't want to continue later."
"if you're sure." Sans said. What was it with humans and Determination? "come over here."
He led them away from the pile of smiles and tears and to another corner of the room. There, they faced what appeared to be a blank wall. Yet, upon closer inspection Lily felt something was off about it.
Sans winked. "heh. noticed that, did ya? better stand back."
Lily looked at him through Frisk's eye but the two did as he said. In a place like this, it would be better not to ask questions. Sans stepped up to the wall and his left eye flared with magic. Frisk flinched both from memory and the sudden flash of color in his normally monochrome vision.
"Commence scan. Chromatis identification: Sans Serif." Sans spoke in that same reverberating voice from before, so unlike his normal tone.
The children watched in fascination as a section of the wall opened to reveal a strange object beyond. Frisk saw only a number of rotating lines of cyan magic. Lily saw the metallic ocular contraption that contained them. Sans leaned in, placing his blazing eye socket parallel to the device, which proceeded to bombard it with a number of colored rays of light. Once done, the object retreated back into the wall and the panel covering it returned to its place, only for a second panel to open nearby.
From this emerged several more complex looking objects. One was silver and vaguely boxlike, flashing with a number of lights. Another was an ovular screen of glass, not unlike that of a mirror its clear surface reflecting warped images of those that stood before it. The final was some sort of plate with a black sheen. The children were just about to question its purpose when Sans waved his hand and the mechanism sprang to life. The mirror-surface vanished, replacing itself with a glowing image. Colors, numbers, and letters danced along its surface with mind numbing speed. The black plate, once dormant, now bore an assortment of symbols arranged neatly upon its surface.
"What kind of magic is this…?" Lily whispered, awestruck.
"Huh… I can see it." Frisk said, the images from the screen, as well as the characters on the plate floated phantasm-like against his vision. "It… sort of reminds me of a computer."
"What's a computer?" She asked.
"that's 'cause it is." Sans confirmed. "it's a bit different from most though. i set up this terminal to help me monitor the space-time continuum. since resets don't affect this space, this thing can only work here."
"Wow…" Frisk said in admiration. "Something so advanced, it can keep record of timelines. Humans have a long way to go."
"Hello? What's a computer?" Lily insisted.
"Well it's like…" Frisk began.
"we can explain that later." Sans said. "what's important is that thanks to this thing that i have a bit of an idea of what's happening here. let me show you." Sans said.
He walked over to the terminal and channeled a bit of magic into the tips of his phalanges before dancing them along the input like a pianist. A number of images sprang forth at his command, each baring a list of options to choose from. Frisk and Lily watched with interest as he touched one of them, bringing up another screen lined with text.
"Met someone earlier this week. Some human kid who fell down here." Frisk read aloud. "Poor little guy looks like he's had a rough time. I know my job and all, but I made a promise to that old lady… I can't go back on it now."
Frisk gave a questioning look to Sans, but the skeleton didn't answer. Instead he scrolled through the list and opened another file.
"I think this is the third time, or maybe the fourth. I'm pretty sure I was right in thinking this boy at least remembers everything. When we talk, he acts like he's already heard it before. I still don't know what he's after… things were a lot less complicated with the flower."
"Wha- Flower?!" Lily blurted out. "What does he have to do with this?"
'So they met him this time too…' Sans thought, and opened another file.
"He's dead… Papyrus is dead." Frisk felt a chill run through him as he read off the short entry.
Another file. "More die each time… I don't know what to do. Is the kid trying to wipe out the entire Underground?!"
Another. "Everyone's gone… my brother, the dogs, Undyne... everyone. He's killed them all." The boys voice began to waver. "I c… I can't just sit back now… that thing could destroy the fabric of time itself. Even if it means breaking my promise, I have to… stop him."
Frisk's hand shot to his mouth and it took all the force of will he had to avoid throwing up. His sightless vision blurred each time he tried to look at the words. Self resentment crushed him along with the weight of his own sins. His SOUL retreated back into his chest and the image faded out. He didn't want to look anymore.
Nevertheless, Sans opened another file. "read it."
Lily's mind was already reeling from the grim log of Frisk's prior actions but she wrapped herself around the boy's SOUL as tightly as she could, hoping to grant what little strength she had to him. Frisk nodded silently and with some effort, willed his SOUL to the surface once again. The two children focused all their efforts on reading the latest entry.
"Another reset." Lily read through Frisk. "I don't know what happened… I thought it was the end. The kid walked through the door again looking worse than I feel. Fell to his knees and just started crying right in front of me. He's not gained a single EXP this time. I don't understand… but I'm not complaining."
The weight of a past he could not recall bore down on Frisk like a solid block of lead and he found himself unable to speak. It was bad enough that he was even capable of doing something like that in the first place. However, the fact that he could not even remember his former crimes somehow made it even worse. Nevertheless, this had all happened. It was as clear as the log that documented it. At one point, he had become an instrument of death. The very idea made his stomach turn once more and brought tears to his lidded eyes.
It was then that Sans pulled up one last file.
"The kid, no, Frisk… he did it. We're free…" Lily read, trying her hardest to remain composed in the sea of Frisk's emotions.
"I… don't know what to say." Frisk managed though his voice barely rose above a whisper. "Even with it right here in front of me, i- it doesn't feel real."
"dissociation is pretty common when observing timelines." Sans offered. "but it's weird. everything i know suggests you should remember this stuff. that's how it was before anyways. this is the first time you don't."
"Frisk… the visions." Lily pointed out. "Maybe you should tell him now."
"visions?" Sans repeated. "what's that about, kiddo?"
"Well, I…" Frisk hesitated for a moment. "It started about two weeks ago, when we first met Kidd. We were playing with him and the others and for a while everything was okay. We went to scare him, you know? Just as a joke but when he turned around I… I saw something. I felt like I was somewhere else and there he was… staring at me. He looked so scared… like he thought I was going to…" Frisk trailed off. He didn't want to think about how that vision might have ended if it had gone on any longer. "Since then, they've been happening a lot. Usually when I'm asleep, but sometimes when I'm awake too. They aren't always bad either. Conversations I've never had, or things I didn't do… some are strong, but others are just hazy."
"let me ask you somethin'." Sans scratched his chin in thought. "when those happen do you get some kind of shock? say a pain behind your eye?"
Frisk's head snapped in the skeleton's direction at the question. "Yeah! That's exactly what happens. How did you know?"
"vestigial recollection." Sans said decisively. "sometimes bits of memory can cross timelines. when that happens they usually show up as strange feelings, déjà vu, or in rare cases, visions. they usually come with a pain behind the eye but it's normally faint enough that most folks don't notice."
"Well I noticed. It really hurts." Frisk replied, rubbing his left eye unconsciously.
"the stronger the memory, the more it does." Sans explained. "well, that's some good news. it means your memory isn't actually wiped. it's still there, it's just… out to lunch."
"Some 'good news'…" Lily countered. "If it was me, I wouldn't want to remember after seeing all of that…"
"same here, honestly, but in this case it might be important." Sans reasoned and began typing something into the terminal. "i've done some research over these last couple of weeks. i guess it's a good thing you kids waited so long to come talk to me. if you'd taken up my offer right then, i might not have found this. take a peek."
The screen came alive with a complex web of lines and symbols. It looked vaguely like a graph of some kind, but it was far more complicated than any normal data chart. Looping threads of light gathered together in a complex web. Each was labeled, some in common letters others in strange symbols that Frisk and Lily could only guess at the meaning of. Most of the graph was a tangled mess of spiraling, overlapping, and intersecting lines: meaning and logic hidden beneath the chaos.
"What… is this?" Lily asked, squinting at the mind spinning kaleidoscope before her.
"this is a chart detailing the timelines. i've set it to automatically record the flow and any anomalies that come about." Sans explained. "this area here, where the loops are the thickest is where everything happened."
Sans indicated an area closer to the right side of the screen. Frisk looked at it for a long while, tracing the lines and loops like reading a wordless autobiography. There were so many… dozens, maybe hundreds of them. Some only went back a short distance, others jumped straight back to the origin point in the center of the web, which itself shined like a miniature sun. Eventually his journey paused upon one section of the tangled graph.
"Wait… this spot. It looks a little different." Frisk pointed to the spot in question. Most of the lines were straight, curving back only in the event of a Load or Reset. Such was also the case with this one, but for a segment toward the end which jerked and staggered back and forth seemingly at random before suddenly thrusting itself back to the beginning. "It kind of looks like it's… struggling?"
"yeah. never figured that one out." Sans said. "that was one of the bad ones… nah, actually i think it was the worst one. dunno what happened there, but that was when things started gettin' better for us down here. keep goin'."
Frisk did so, following along the tangled web from there, and through a few more looping strings of time. Journeys that might have taken weeks or months passed by his sightless eyes in mere seconds as he followed the string of data. Eventually one of the lines emerged from the cluster of ends and beginnings, as if set free from a prison. That single thread continued for a long while, distancing itself more and more from the rest, only to loop back once again to the beginning as if snared within a net.
"That was the last one, wasn't it?" Frisk said, though it seemed more statement than question.
"yep." Sans said. "look a little closer though. notice anything?"
Frisk squinted. It was hard to tell amidst the brightness of the other origin points but eventually he found what Sans was talking about. It was faint, almost unnoticeable among everything else but there just the same. From the scent of confusion she exuded, Frisk gathered that Lily must have seen the same thing.
"The line…" She muttered.
"It's broken?" Frisk finished.
Right there, just before the line reached the origin point for their current place in time was a small, empty space barely the thickness of a fingernail. The two children turned to Sans, at a loss for what it could mean.
"well, it's only a theory right now…" Sans said, pointing to the thread that marked the current timeline. "but i'm thinking when the past you reset last time, he did something and that cut us off from the rest of this. it would explain a few things. paps always had a pretty strong VR himself, but i haven't seen any of the signs from him this time. it might also be the reason yours are the way they are now too."
"Wait, you're saying Frisk actually cut off a piece of the timeline?" Lily gave the skeleton an incredulous look. "How would someone even do that?"
Sans shrugged. "dunno… wouldn't be the first time he's done the unexpected or the impossible though. i don't think it was for no reason though. just before i saw this, i found something else among the logs."
Sans typed in a few keys and the diagram of the timelines faded and was replaced by the list of log entries he'd shown earlier. He ignored them, scrolling the screen to a mostly empty section away from everything else. There, a solitary folder resided, unlabeled. Sans opened it up to reveal a handful of documents within. He opened one, and at once the screen was filled with another assortment of strange characters. These however were quite different from the others.
"i dunno how long these have been here. but i do know i didn't write 'em." Sans said.
The hand signs, flags, and other recognizable symbols were replaced by that of a multitude of star-like shapes. Some were cross-like, others the traditional five pointed shape. Frisk noticed a couple that looked oddly similar to the appearance of his own SAVE points. There were so many different types it almost looked more like some kind of map of the stars rather than a written document.
A faint ache pricked at the back of his eye.
"I feel like… I did." The boy muttered.
"You did?" Lily questioned, squinting at the image as if trying to discern some meaning from the symbols.
"i thought so." Sans acknowledged. "can ya read it?"
Frisk stared at the page for a good long while, trying his hardest to call forth the memory of this odd language. The ache behind his eye continued to throb but he ignored it, searching his mind for the hidden meaning behind these glyphs. Try as he might however the stars refused to yield their purpose to him. The small human shook his head and sighed.
"I can't…" He admitted. "I feel like I should know them but…"
"damn…" Sans' shoulders slumped. "i hoped if we could read these it might give us a clue about the last Reset."
"Sorry…" Frisk hung his head apologetically.
"eh, don't sweat it." Sans said, placing a bony hand on Frisk's shoulder. "it was a long shot anyway."
"Well hold on." Lily reasoned. "What would be the point of writing a message no one could read? It seems like kind of a waste, doesn't it?"
"Well, maybe?" Frisk considered that.
"Frisk is the one that wrote those, right?" the girl continued. "He can't remember right now, but maybe it will eventually come back? I mean… my memories have been trickling back here and there, wouldn't it make sense that his could too? If that happens, we'll be able to learn what they say."
Sans expression turned thoughtful for a moment. "that's… not a bad idea actually."
"If I used to remember everything then… it could come back." Frisk said thoughtfully. "But that would also mean…"
Everyone fell silent at that. Neither of them wanted to mention it. To remember the code to this strange language meant remembering the previous timelines. That kind of knowledge was sure to be no small burden for such a young child, however determined he might be.
"welp." Sans said, breaking the silence after what felt like far too long. "sorry there's still a lot of questions, but i kept my word. that's everything, warts and all. we should probably head back up. stayin' down here too much can really mess with your sense of time."
Without waiting for a response, the skeleton dismissed the terminal and, utilizing a bit of Blue magic, returned the more solid research materials to their designated places. The two children followed silently as he headed for the door, fighting against the odd vertigo that pervaded the place and leaving the workshop behind. The scent of strong alcohol lingered behind them as they ascended the stairs and emerged into the familiar chilly air of Snowdin.
Frisk's small hands clinched at his side, bunching up his shirt. It was a lot to take in, but he finally understood even if the truth was even more difficult to accept than he'd expected. So much had happened and so many suffered once because of him. Sans was still suffering, because he alone had to bear the burden of observing the timelines. The burden of knowing.
"Sans…" He said finally, causing the skeleton to stop mid-step.
"what's up, kiddo?" Sans turned to him. Somehow seeing that typical toothy grin just made the boy's heart hurt even more.
"Thank you… I know it must have been hard to show us all that." He said, trying to fight back the tears. "I guess… I understand now why you hate me."
"Frisk… don't say that. It-"
Lily stopped short, suddenly unsure what to say. 'It's okay'? That would just sound hollow. "It's not your fault"? How could she know that? "It will pass"? Something like that doesn't just go away. "It's nothing"? Heartless, heartless, heartless. Try as she might, the girl could think of no words to raise her friend's spirits.
"oh, jeez…" Sans said, rubbing a hand down his skull. "you got it wrong there, frisk. i don't hate ya."
Frisk gasped and his gaze shot to Sans. "What?"
"heh. tibi-honest, i actually like you. both of you." Sans explained. "i've seen you doin' your parts around town, and you've been a good friend to paps over these last couple of weeks. believe me, that means somethin'."
"But I-" Frisk began, but the skeleton cut him off.
"listen, i know what happened before. probably even more than you do right now." he explained. "maybe its the dissociation we talked about before, or maybe i'm just beyond caring… but i can't bring myself to actually hate you. that's not to say i completely trust you yet, but i definitely don't hate you. the other sanses out there might be screamin' at me for it, but they ain't me. So… yeah."
"Sans…" Lily said, taken by surprise. She didn't really know how to respond to that.
Frisk however, did. He ran up to the short, round skeleton and wrapped his small arms around him as far as they could go. Sans stiffened slightly, and Frisk immediately pulled away, forcing his hands to his side and hanging his head.
"I- I'm sorry." He said quickly.
"no need." Sans gave a light chuckle, ruffling the boy's hair before turning and heading back around to the front of the house.
The two children solemnly followed the punny skeleton back into the warm home. Frisk couldn't help but give content sigh in response to the the warmth, shedding the jacket as he and Lily settled onto the couch. Sans looked to the children and, giving an acquiescent shrug, joined them sitting on the soft, slightly lumpy cushions. All three of them felt exhausted, physically and mentally from their meeting in the workshop.
Lily frowned inwardly as the silence began to drag. Things were starting to get awkward again and she knew it. She nudged Frisk to face Sans, placing his hands in his lap.
"So... Can anyone tell me what a computer is now?" She asked, hoping to break the tension while at the same time satiating her own curiosity.
"you... were serious about that?" Sans questioned, looking at the kid like they were crazy. "i thought you were pulling my femur."
Frisk's head shook with Lily's reply. "No. I really don't know what they are. Are all computers like the one in the workshop?" She mused, imagining computers like the one below all over the place. Magic must have come a long way for things like that to exist.
"nah. mine's a special case. gotta be big to follow the flow of the timelines." Sans explained. "they're around though. paps has one."
"We have them on the surface too. They're pretty neat actually. It lets you do a whole lot of things you couldn't before. You can communicate almost instantly with other people across the world." Frisk explained, bringing his hand to his chin in thought.
"dunno much about that. down here, they're mostly used for scientific purposes." Sans continued from where Frisk left off. "we only recently found a way to connect 'em over long distances. most folks are still warming up to the idea."
The two males continue to explain several different uses for a computer to the fascinated Lily. She hung onto their every word, only interrupting occasionally to ask for a better explanation. This went on for some time before at last, Frisk leaned back against the arm rest of the couch.
"That's about all I know about them. I've only used them a couple of times, really. Most aren't really set up with people like me in mind." He shrugged, stretching his arms above his head.
"Wow... Magic has made so many advancements... It seems so surreal.." Lily whispered, awestruck at all the things a computer could do. Some of the ideas seemed so farfetched she almost didn't believe the two of them but...
"it ain't just magic ghost-kid. some of the stronger types like mine run on magic but not all of them." The skeleton corrected.
"On the surface they don't use magic at all." Frisk added.
"anyways, i'm not really the guy to ask about it. that's somethin' you might ask dr. alphys or some other scientist about." Sans paused for a moment as a thought crossed his skull. "hey. i know you died and all but i'm surprised you didn't know anything about computers. they've been around a long time. makes me wonder how long you've actually been gone. in the underground we've had them for about 600 or so years."
"Wow that long? It's only been around 150 on the surface. That's still a long time though." Frisk said, now starting to wonder himself.
"well with your memory loss, i guess it's possible you just forget?" Sans offered.
"I wonder…" Frisk said thoughtfully. "That seems a little strange, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, you're right." Lily interjected. "I mean I remember other things. I remember what certain foods taste like, especially chocolate. I knew what flowers were... I knew the Froggits language..." She listed off the various things she knew.
"knowledge, but not personal memory. huh." Sans considered. "maybe you really have been gone a long time."
"But that would mean…" Lily's words grew hushed as the implication set in. "If I've been away that long then… my family would be…"
Frisk, sensing the girl's growing dejection took the opportunity to weigh in. "Hold on, Lily. Don't jump to any conclusions just yet. I mean, I'm positive there are places that don't use technology. For all we know you came from one of those places. It doesn't necessarily mean your family is gone." The boy concentrated on his SOUL, wrapping Lily up in its comforting flow to sooth her sorrow. "We still don't know enough to say one way or the other. They could still be out there."
Lily took Frisk's hand and placed it over his heart, clenching the shirt tightly. "I… think you may be right..." She sighed softly, the worry in her mind loosening a little as his words made more and more sense to her. "I just… have to stay positive. And for all we know Sans could even be right and I just lost the memory somewhere. Thank you… I didn't mean to almost lose myself there."
"It's alright. We'll find something, don't worry." Frisk said, placing his other hand over the one clutching his shirt which had already begun to relax.
"there ya go. way to keep your spirits up, daisy." Sans chuckled at the confused look on her face.
"Daisy? Now Sans, I know you know my name is Lily." She deadpanned, giving the skeleton a 'are you kidding me' look.
"what can i say? you're growing on me." His grin widened.
Lily gave a small chuckle, now realizing what the skeleton was doing.
"I was hoping I could weed my way into you're good graces." She retorted, getting a snort from Frisk.
Frisk had just opened his mouth to speak when the front door flew open. In its wake stood a nervous looking Papyrus who seemed out of breath. Sans was on his feet with a quickness that seemed counter to his lazy nature the moment his eyesockets fell upon his younger sibling.
"BROTHER...FRISK...LILY... W-WE MAY HAVE A SLIGHT...OOPSIE." He stammered, leaning against the door frame.
Answer one question, and two more take its place.
So when it comes to EXP and LOVE. It's not just an indicator. It's an actual phenomenon. The more you kill, the more you distance yourself, the higher it becomes. This is clear in game. But like Frisk said… why does it reduce upon a load? Wouldn't a load make it easier to distance yourself? How many times have any of us gotten bored or frustrated and started a killing spree on a game, knowing we could just 'go back'? So all that EXP and LOVE here… where does it go?
Whatever happened before, it was big enough that the old Frisk felt it necessary to split off an entirely new timeline from the rest… make of that what you will.
Yes, computers in this universe have been around for far longer than they have in real life. If you're wondering if that would make the surface some kind of futuristic sci-fi setting… it isn't. Without getting into too much of an info dump, advancement slowed down after a point, so technology isn't too far removed from modern day Earth. It's just been there longer.
With that, it's about time to bring this arc to a close. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with us this long, and to anyone new: welcome, and we hope you find a lot to enjoy. If you have any thoughts, please let us know in a comment/review. We love hearing from you all.
See you in the next chapter!