Seeing Petra's bruised body resting in his bed caused a familiar feeling of dread to swell in his gut. Moments like these, where he was stuck hunched over in a desperate attempt to slow his ragged breath, rarely happened. His hands grew clammy and pulling them up in front of him he could see that they were trembling now. How long had he been in this damn hallway? Far too long he was sure. Erwin and the others would have been waiting for him for at least an hour by now, but he couldn't will himself to move.

She's safe. He knew that. And yet... the second he had closed his door his heart rate increased to a dangerous pace. The vision of her body being flung through the air flashing across his mind. It was all too familiar. The sounds... He had heard them before, on many occasions. But this time they had belonged to her, and it made everything different.

He was stuck in the past and present; his mind struggling to separate the two. She's not dead. He repeated it to himself, but his body was stuck in a state of panic; reacting as if she was gone. Shaking and trembling, the pit in his stomach sucking everything into it. Just like that night so many years ago.

No matter how much time passed, nothing could scrape Isabel and Farlan's final moments from his mind. Anytime he was close to losing someone he cared for, every close call he faced, his body was swept back in time. Stuck in the trauma of it all. It was hell.

The only thing that seemed to help was being next to her. It was why he had carried her to his room against his better judgment. He had to see for himself that she was alright. And so he placed her on his bed and slid himself behind her; watching the rise and fall of her chest until he was satisfied enough to close his eyes. Maybe it was selfish, but it was the only way to convince himself that this time was different; that he hadn't lost anyone.

Besides, Petra would have tried to escape from any infirmary he could have taken her to. She would've torn off anyone's head who tried to keep her from going home. In that way he understood her.

Forcing his legs to move, he made his way to the common room within their barracks. On most evenings he was grateful for the distance between his room and everyone else's, but tonight each step down the long hall set him closer on edge.

Don't be pathetic.

Petra was far from helpless. But, she was also stubborn; never wanting to sit still even when it was necessary. He half expected her to get up and follow him, but it was clear from the lack of formalities being used that she was far from alright-

"Captain!"

Turning his gaze up slowly to the jittery man in front of him. "What the hell are you doing, Bozado?"

Oruo dragged an oversized palm through his platinum locks. The man's sunken eyes were even more so than usual. "Uh- I've been waiting for you, Sir."

Levi's eyes narrowed slightly in annoyance at his constant movement. Watching him shift his weight from one foot to the other repeatedly made him want to send a foot flying in the poor man's direction, just to force him to be still.

"I-I mean we've all been waiting for you, Captain. To hear about Petra..."

A slow blink and then, "Is that all?"

Curving around him, Levi continued inside through the open door of the common room. Ignoring the expecting looks from his comrades and a particularly playful eye Hanji was throwing his way, he took the remaining empty seat.

Before Oruo could open his mouth again to speak, Levi cut him off. "Petra's fine." There was a collective release of sighs. "She feels like shit but she's fine."

The loud smack of a hand connecting with skin sounded from beside him. "I told you she'd be fine! You owe me a round of drinks the next time we're out, Bozado."

"Geez, did you have to smack me so hard? Or at all for that matter?" He gave a small whine while rubbing his neck sheepishly.

"You... bet against Petra?" Gunther growled out through grit teeth.

"What! No! I simply said she would need actual medical assistance-"

Hanji dismissed his comment with a single wave of her hand through the air. "Petra's a trooper. If one of you sad excuses doesn't marry her, I will."

Kicking back in his chair he folded his arms, "Did you make that bet before or after you talked to her?"

"Huh! Aw Leviii," She let the words drag out in a groan.

Erwin's eyes showed little amusement at their bantering. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you all that the ultimate goal of our mission was not reached. However, we were able to avoid any loss of life."

Mike ran his fingers over the rough skin of his chin. "As great as that is, you're saying this whole thing was a waste of time then."

"Was that not obvious?" Levi bit out. His patience was far too thin to sit and discuss things they already knew.

Hanji's fist cracked against the wooden surface of the table. "Maybe now we can stop doing pointless tasks for the Capital and focus on the more important issue of research!"

"Don't start with this shit, four eyes. No ones risking their lives to catch you a stupid Titan."

"Levi is right... to a degree. We can't focus on such a consuming task unless we're sure that we can secure the necessary funds for it."

"If you're going to suggest we all attend the next gala you go to, the answer is no."

"It's the only way to raise the money we need, Levi."

"You've managed by yourself for this long, Erwin. We have more important things to worry about."

"Such as?"

"I'd think figuring out how the fuck a horde of mindless beasts managed to seemingly track us down out of nowhere would be a good place to start."

"And have you ever considered the answer to your question could be hiding at one of these events? I'm sure it's crossed your mind more than once, Levi."

He had thought of it. The fact that the orders for their failed mission came from the Capital reeked of foul play, but that didn't mean he was willing to play dress up just to find out if his hunch was correct.

"Tsk. They'll have to do more than that stunt they pulled to get me to rub shoulders with any of them." Balancing his weight on the back two legs of the chair he challenged the Commander with an icy glare. "My squad stays here."

Steele blue eyes bore into his own as his angled brows knit together slightly; a sign that connections were being made within his brilliant mind. "Right. That's enough for tonight then."

A mass of exasperated murmurs sounded at their dismissal. They were all worn out; after days of riding and fighting, the lack of rest was beginning to show on each of their faces. The purple rimmed bags under Erwin's eyes showed that even he was reaching his breaking point, but their steady gaze told Levi his Commander still had enough energy to say whatever was on his mind.

They both remained in their chairs as the others filed out of the room. Most would be heading for their beds, but some would be seeking comfort elsewhere. He was sure a few of his own would be doing the same, and that was far from his concern. Who or what his team decided to do on their down time was their own business.

The ancient rules that prohibited secret rendezvous were mostly ignored these days anyway. There was more of a don't-ask-don't-tell policy in place now. It was beyond irrational to expect any of them to refrain from such a basic human need. Especially with all the shit they've seen. After a day full of death, the only thing you really want is to feel alive. Even if it is only for a moment.

He was sure there wasn't a soul within their regime that could say they hadn't picked a strangers bed over their own, if only to prevent a restless night filled with the horrific scenes of a previous mission.

He had done it too. Not half as many times as most of his companions, but there had been nights even he preferred the false sense of comfort. He never stayed long, but a warm body against his was a better antidote than anything a doctor would prescribe.

He was sure Petra could be included in that group as well; and he'd be lying if he said it didn't bite. It's not as if he actually knew for certain, but on the nights she went out she always came back late. Still, just like him, she never stayed long. And unlike him, she always seemed far more conflicted than when she had left.

Anytime their squad made plans to go for a drink, he would decline; and she would make her way to his room before leaving with the rest of them. She'd brush her knuckles against his door, the soft knock pulling him from whatever work he was struggling to complete, before asking if he needed help with anything. He'd always decline and send her on her way; and she'd always ask him once more with a strange look tangled across her features before finally giving up. It was as if she was begging him to say yes, just to give her a reason to stay; but he never did.

It had only happened a handful of times over the last year or so, but each time he found himself regretting that he hadn't given her the excuse she wanted. Maybe if she had asked one more time, he would have.

"Levi."

Pushing his hands into his temples, he lifted his gaze slightly to meet his superior's. "Erwin."

"I went by the infirmary to check on Miss Ral's condition." His voice was steady, picking his words carefully.

"Hm."

"I suppose you already know she's not there."

Ending his balancing act and returning his chair to the floor, he plastured an unbothered look onto his face. "I suppose I do."

It was clear that it was not the answer Erwin wanted.

"I won't try and manage you, Levi. I know that would be pointless anyway."

"Get to your point then."

There was a long stretch of silence before finally the Commander spoke. "Petra is a beautiful woman and she's good at what she does... If you're actions are based on physical attraction, I understand. Who you let occupy your time is none of my concern."

"You seem concerned to me."

"If this is more than physical, quit while you're ahead."

Pushing himself from the table, he rose from his seat. "Is that all?"

"Yes."

The walk back to his quarters seemed longer than usual. No matter how hard he tried to keep Erwin's words from his mind, they somehow managed to creep back in. Fucking ridiculous. As if he needed to be lectured. He knew better than anyone just how much love and war don't mix. Like oil and water.

Hell, Love of any kind in their world was a disaster waiting to happen. It wasn't a matter of if, but when. When would you lose them? When would they break your heart? Everyone died, it was unavoidable. Even with all that being said, he somehow managed to care for Erwin and Shitty Glasses despite the fact. He even cared for his squad more than he'd like to admit... Petra was a member of his team, of course he cared for her as well.

Pushing open his door he stumbled inside and kicked off his boots, forgetting about the guest he had in his bed. Her sleep filled voice drifted over towards him as he continued removing the outer parts of his uniform.

"Hi."

"Shit," Pausing his task, he turned to ignite the lantern on his desk. "Did I wake you?"

"No, Sir."

"Don't start with the formalities now, Petra." Folding his cravat, he set it aside before crumpling into the chair next to him. "So then, if I didn't wake you, why are you up?"

"Oh... I was having trouble sleeping is all."

"Is it the pain?"

She was quick to respond, shaking her head a little too eagerly. "No, Sir. I'm alright. Really I am-" She stopped suddenly, picking up on her mistake and apologized. "I'm sorry... I'm not used to using your name. I know I did earlier but... I wasn't thinking straight." Her slender hands absentmindedly traveled over the various blankets tucked around her.

"Hm." Choosing to ignore her previous comments he simply changed the subject. "Hanji says you'll need those pain meds for the next few days... You should probably take some now so you can sleep."

Her dense lashes fluttered for a moment at his words before she nodded in agreement. Placing a single capsule into her now outstretched hand he turned to leave, dragging his feet towards the bathroom.

"Levi-" His stomach clenched at her tone. Calling his name like- well like that. It was too soft, too sweet, for it to be his name.

"Why did you bring me here?" She was careful with her words, speaking slowly and barely above a whisper.

And so he was careful with his too. "It's not like you would have stayed in the infirmary, Ral."

Careful to return the distance between them he'd asked her to ignore just moments ago.

The golden light in her eyes seemed to dull at his response, as if it was far from what she had wanted to hear him say. Still she managed to produce a half-hearted smile. "Of course. You're probably right."

Without so much of a second glance, he turned his back to her and locked himself away with his shower. The urge to free himself from their current encounter had been sudden, and nearly smothered the air from his lungs.

How many times had he reeled her in only to throw her back out again? And only because he couldn't decide what is was he wanted from her.

Did he feel bad for putting her on such a wild ride from hell?

No. He wouldn't let himself.

She knew the kind of man he was. She knew he would never let himself have her. And if by some unholy chance he did, it would never change into anything of value.

If that's what she wanted, he wouldn't feel bad about it.

His shower was spent meticulously scrubbing his skin until it was raw, hoping that she would be asleep by the time he emerged. Throwing on a pair of shorts he made his way over to his desk, blowing out the light of the lantern.

She was asleep, and he was grateful for it. There was no way in hell he would have survived any more questions from her. Not when he didn't even know the answers to them.

The spot next to her seemed warm and inviting as he slid his tired form beside hers. He studied her sleeping form, memorizing the lines of her face and the small hitches in her breath as she dreamt. It was calming... in a strange way. He found himself hating it and feeling more at ease than he ever had, all at once. The sound of her gentle breathing began to lull him into a dreamless sleep, and for the first time in days he found himself content and without contest.

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the feedback and follows. I hope I don't end up disappointing everyone in the end. Anyways, school and work for me have really picked up recently so I just wanted to give you a heads up that the next few chapters might roll out a tad slower than usual. (Please don't hate me, I'm sorry!)