Warning: self-harm, violence, homophobia. Please do not read if any of these themes upset you! Trigger warning!
Disclaimer: All rights to Rick Riordan. I own nothing, but the plot.
Themes of self-harm, anxiety, and depression are expressed within this story. TRIGGER WARNING! Please do NOT read if these themes upset you. TRIGGER WARNING!
Criticism is appreciated, but please no hate. Please review and leave me suggestions! Enjoy!
Nico's POV:
Nico sliced the head off the training dummy. Practicing with straw figures wasn't the same as fighting a real monster, but it was the only way he could think of to release his stress. Nico heard the conch for dinner but had elected to ignore it. He didn't feel like interacting with anyone or seeing any of his friends. He had also heard Festus arrive, but he ignored that too. His only focus was on fine-tuning his skills; he needed to build up his strength. And if that meant training until he collapsed, then so be it. He cut down another training dummy.
"Now, what did that dummy do to deserve that?" Nico whipped around, sword centimeters away from slicing open Jason's throat. "Easy there, killer." Jason put his hands up in a defensive surrender.
Nico lowered his sword, turning away. "Don't sneak up on me like that." He used his sword point to sift through the remains of the dummy.
"Fair enough. That wasn't the response I was looking for." The son of Jupiter stated. Nico looked up. Jason was smiling at him. "I'm happy to see you, man. I haven't seen you in months! I haven't heard from you in weeks."
"Yeah, hi, welcome back," Nico said shortly, stabbing his sword into another dummy.
"What's the reason for this massacre?" Jason gestured at the mutilated dummies.
"Training."
"Is today a one-word answer day?"
Nico, exasperated, looked up at Jason. "What do you want, Grace?"
Jason looked affronted. Nico only called him by his last name when he was angry with him. "What is wrong?"
"I'm fine," he averted his eyes.
"When's the last time you ate? Or slept?"
"Look, I'm glad you're back, but I really don't feel like going through an interrogation. Can you leave me alone? I was training before you interrupted me."
"I'm just worried, Nico." He lightly punched Nico in the arm. "I'll train with you to spare these dummies from any more injury. They aren't that easy to make. Believe me, I've tried in arts and crafts. So. Much. Straw." He shivered. He blinked back the memory, before smirking at Nico. "But, what do you say? A little one-on-one sparring session?" He flipped his coin, his sword appearing in his hand. He flourished it, pointing it at Nico.
"Why not?" Nico agreed, realizing Jason wasn't going anywhere. Best make most of his training time.
He set his own sword aside, not wanting to reap Jason of his soul in case he nicked him. He grabbed a well-balanced sword from the rack. He and Jason started walking in a defensive circle, around the middle of the arena, waiting for the other to attack.
"I don't think we've ever dueled before." Jason was trying to distract him. "Two sons of the Big Three, battling it out for glory and bragging rights. Who will strike-?"
Nico lunged forward, cutting off Jason's monologue. Jason deflected his sword and used the wind to blow Nico backward. Nico landed in a crouch.
"So, we are playing with powers, are we? I can fight fire with fire," he muttered under his breath.
He stood, raising his arms, as Jason barreled towards him. Nico closed his eyes, waiting. The ground around him erupted. Jason faltered and stopped as skeletons began knitting themselves together. Jason tried to slice them away, but more kept forming and reforming. Nico felt his energy drain, but he had cornered Jason. He gripped the sword and walked through his ranks of the undead. He lashed out his sword which meant Jason's in the air, sparking. They exchanged blows back and forth.
Suddenly, Jason's sword sliced his arm. Nico hissed at the pain, hefting his sword higher. He should have been able to deflect that blow. Jason was outnumbered five to one and had managed to land a blow on him. Pathetic. Jason notice he had nicked Nico and attempted to stop. But Nico had other ideas, anger at his own inadequacy taking over. He continued to aim blows at the son of Jupiter. Jason fought back, but only defensively, as if not wanting to hurt Nico again. Nico noticed this and pushed Jason harder, forcing him to fight. Jason aimed another easy blow, one that Nico should have blocked, but the sword hit its mark. It sliced Nico's arm again. Was he really that weak that he couldn't block easy moves?
"I'm sorry Nico. I thought… Are you okay?"
Nico felt a wave of nausea. Black spots danced in his vision. He felt his skeletons collapse all around him. His sword fell from his hand as he pitched forward. He didn't notice Jason move, but suddenly, he was on the ground, looking into Jason's eyes. He watched Jason's mouth open and close, but he could not discern what he was saying. His eyes started to close when ambrosia was forced down his throat. Jason was healing him. Because Nico hadn't eaten all day, the ambrosia felt like fire in his stomach. He felt his forehead break out in a sweat. Luckily, however, the nausea passed, and he was able to open his eyes. He found a concerned pair of eyes looking down at him.
"Are you okay?" Jason asked. Nico cleared this throat and pushed away from Jason. He stood up, quickly and found himself swaying slightly. "Easy there." Jason stood as well, steadying the boy. "You should go to the infirmary."
Nico wiped his brow. Will was lying unconscious in the infirmary because of him. He did not want to go in there. "I'm fine, thanks."
Jason saw right through his lie. "Uh-huh, is that why you almost passed out?"
"It's just a cut," Nico lied.
"You won't go to the infirmary?"
"I'm fine," Nico repeated. "I just think I need to get a good night's sleep tonight. I want to be okay at the Solstice tomorrow."
Jason admitted defeat. "Alright, fine. I'll walk you back to your cabin just to make sure."
Nico nodded and grabbed his Stygian iron sword. He headed towards the arena exit, with Jason following him. He looked across the lawn and saw everyone still eating at the pavilion. Jason saw this too.
"Don't you need to eat dinner?" Jason asked. "I'm starving too and I'm sure everyone wants to see you."
"I- I ate with Will before I went to the arena." Nico fibbed.
"That's a lie," Jason called him out. Nico's heart started racing. How had he known?
"How would you know that?" He asked calmly. They had arrived at the Hades cabin. "You just got here."
Jason leaned against Nico's door, blocking his way. "I know that Will is in the infirmary…"
"-like he usually is…"
"-unconscious." Jason finished, ignoring Nico's interruption.
"Oh, he is?" Nico tried to make his voice sound shocked. "I had no…"
Jason put his hand up. "Cut the crap. Kayla already told me everything."
His stomach dropped. "Kayla doesn't know shit."
What had she told Jason? he wondered Did no one respect doctor-patient confidentiality?
"She's worried about you. And Will." Jason's eyes were sincere, but Nico didn't care.
"He's fine. And I'm fine. Right now, I just want to sleep, so if you would please move over," he tried to push Jason out of the way. He didn't budge. "I'd like to get into my cabin."
"Why are you lying?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
Jason threw his hands up in defeat. "I don't understand, Nico. I'm just worried about you. Why won't you let anyone in?"
"Why won't you let me into my cabin?" Nico retorted.
"Because I'm worried," Jason reiterated. "And I care about you."
"If you cared about me, then why haven't you tried to contact me in the last month?" Nico questioned.
"I did!" Jason exclaimed. "The calls would never go through; I thought you were ignoring me!"
Nico raised his eyebrow, not believing his words. "Fine. Then, if you care about me, you'll let me into my cabin so I can sleep!"
He stared down Jason. Jason didn't look like he was going to back down, but after a minute, he relented. He stepped away from the door.
"Okay, you win," Jason conceded. "I would stay to make sure you don't hurt yourself, but Hazel is sleeping here tonight and she's going to want to talk to you. And she doesn't know about your cutting, does she?"
Nico thought he heard a challenge in Jason's tone. "Are you threatening to tell my sister, Grace? Are you blackmailing me?"
"No. That was just a reminder that your sister, who missed you very much, is here. I wouldn't want her to find you in a pool of blood, would you?" Nico didn't answer. "I'm trying to help, but I can't if you won't let me."
Nico pushed passed him, opening the door. "I don't want your help and definitely do not need your pity."
He slammed the door in Jason's face. Away from Jason's questioning stare, he let his defenses fall. The ambrosia, while it had mostly healed his wounds from the fight with Jason, was making Nico feel feverish. He screwed his eyes up and pushed himself towards his bathroom. He flicked on the light and looked in the mirror. His skin was pale and sweaty with the fever. He scowled at himself before pulling off his shirt in order to look at the wounds Jason had caused.
They were both on his upper arm, where he had previously had werewolf lacerations. Those had eventually healed up, though there was some pretty brutal scarring. The cuts had almost closed u, but there was blood on his bicep. He took a towel and wiped away the mess before exiting. He took the now bloodstained shirt as well as a couple of other pieces of discarded clothing and threw them in the hamper.
Looking around the cabin, he realized it was a mess. Hazel was coming soon, so Nico decided to clean up. He retrieved some empty food wrappers from around the room, throwing them into the trash can. On the floor next to the trash, there was a razor blade with crusted blood on it. Nico picked this up. He had been cutting more recently since it was near Bianca's death day. That's why he had been walking around the night he had gotten beaten up. He was trying to distract himself from the pain of his sister's death when he had run into an Ares kid beating up a Hermes camper. He flashed back to the moment
Nico emerged from his cabin for the first time that day, trying to get away from the memories of Bianca. He hadn't left his cabin all day, so he hadn't eaten at all. He refused to sleep as well. He felt very faint. He thought that fresh air might be good for him. He walked on the outskirts of the forest when he heard voices.
"Who do you think you are, thinking you can prank me? And get away with it? Nice try! And now that I know your little secret, I can tell the whole camp. I will humiliate you just as you have humiliated me." A gruff voice barked out.
A thin voice whispered. "Please don't! I'm so sorry. I'll do anything. Please!"
"You are disgusting and should be treated as such."
Nico silently stalked him into the forest, coming across a huge, burly man holding a twig of a camper by his neck against a tree. Nico recognized the bulging muscle as a member of the Ares cabin. The small boy looked like he was a son of Hermes.
"Please, stop. I'll do anything…" The Ares camper tightened his grip.
"That's enough." The Ares camper whipped around, loosening his grip. The son of Hermes breathed in deeply. "Let him go."
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the son of Hades." The Ares camper smirked.
"Yeah, and I don't appreciate you beating up this camper."
"Oh, and who's going to defend him? You?" He threw his head back in laughter. "Just add that to your resume: Nico di Angelo, bringer of death and protector of the gays."
"Is that what this is about? His sexuality?" Nico was incredulous.
"And the fact that this little rat tried to prank me." He shook the kid. "He insulted the Ares cabin and real men everywhere."
"What, you are going to take your homophobia out on a twelve-year-old? Your friends will be so impressed that you could handle him." Nico hit a nerve with the camper.
He released the boy who quickly ran away.
"You better watch what you say. I can destroy you in three seconds. How impressive would that, me taking down one of the sons of the Big Three."
Nico spread out his arms. "Bring it on, beef boy."
The boy angrily snorted and pulled out his sword. Nico withdrew his. His exhaustion disappeared, replaced by adrenaline. He was going to take this homophobic bastard down. The Ares camper charged, but his temper clouded his judgment. Nico merely sidestepped him and sliced part of his hair. The camper turned and charged again, this time focusing his power. He swung his sword; Nico intercepted it. The Ares camper, however, had a lot more brute force than Nico, so his sword was pushed down. He had to quickly pull it back up and block the next thrust. They continued like this, with Nico mostly playing defense, for about ten minutes.
"This is getting nowhere!" The Ares camper groaned.
"Forfeiting?" Nico teased.
His opponent spat at his feet. "Never."
The Ares camper dropped his sword and came barreling at Nico. He didn't have time to swing his sword before he was tackled by the hulk of a man pinning him to the ground. His sword was kicked out of his hand and held down Nico with his own weight. He started raining down punches, One, two, three, four. Nico finally had enough sense to summon some skeletons, but it drained all of the fight out of him. He laid limp as the Ares camper kept punching him.
Suddenly, the weight was lifted off him. He opened his eyes to find three skeletons restraining the camper. Nico slowly sat up. He pushed himself off the ground. He staggered forward and fell against a tree. The skeletons staggered as well, sensing his drain in energy. The Ares camp was able to push them off. He grabbed his sword and within seconds, the skeletons were crumbled to the ground. The camper launched himself at Nico, forcing him to the ground again. He started kicking him in the stomach, legs, arms, everywhere. The pain was unbearable.
After what seemed like hours, the kicks subsided. Nico's collar was grabbed and found himself face to face with the brute.
"That'll teach you not to mess with me, di Angelo. Have a nice nap." He dropped Nico and picked up his sword. He strode out of the forest as Nico blacked out.
Without realizing it, the thoughts of his dead sister and the memory of the assault caused him to cut more slits into his wrists, matching the ones Jason had just given him. Shit, he thought as he dropped the blade back to the ground. He realized that the son of Jupiter had been correct; Hazel was going to be in the cabin soon. He thought about how disappointed Hazel would be in him for hurting himself. He also thought how disappointed Will had been last night when he had seen the damage Nico had caused himself.
It seemed everything he did hurt the people around him. Nico longed for the time when he was alone. At that time, he could hurt himself and no one would care. People caring led to them treating Nico differently, as if he was fragile. Will had forbidden him from using his powers too many times, impeding the growth of Nico's abilities. Even earlier, Jason had picked up on Nico's weakness and was not fighting as hard. The problem was that he was weak. He used to be an extremely talented swordsman and a very powerful demigod, but Tartarus had changed all that. It had already been about five months. And Nico was still not back to his original strength.
The only way he could get back to his former strength was to isolate himself again. When he was alone, he had gained all of his powers in the first place. The people currently in his life just held him back from reaching his full potential. If Nico wanted to get back on top, he needed to be alone and isolated; he needed to cut himself off from his friends.
His friends and family were good people; they deserved better than Nico. He realized that cutting himself off would hurt them. But, in the long run, Nico would be saving them from a lot more pain. He didn't want to hurt anyone else, only himself.
The problem would be trying to get Will Solace to leave him alone. His boyfriend was extremely stubborn and wouldn't allow Nico to isolate himself. That left only one solution: he would have to break up with him.