Warnings: mentions of self-harm

Disclaimer: All rights to Rick Riordan. I own nothing, but the plot.

Themes of self-harm, anxiety, and depression are expressed within this story. TRIGGER WARNING! Please do NOT read if these themes upset you. TRIGGER WARNING!

Criticism is appreciated, but please no hate. Please review and leave me suggestions! Enjoy!

Nico's POV:

Nico opened his eyes and immediately shut them. The blinds had been opened and sunlight was streaming in. He rolled over, facing away from the window. He looked over at the bedside table. On it was a clock, revealing that it was noon, and a tray of food. He propped himself up to look at the breakfast tray. On it was a plate of bacon, toast, eggs, a mug of coffee, and a note. He picked up the note.

Nico,

I decided to surprise you with a romantic breakfast in bed. I hope you are feeling a little better after this morning. Helping Percy with his dreams was a really great thing to do. Here's some breakfast so you can build up your strength. Come out and rejoin the world of the living when you're finished.

Your beloved,

Will xxx

PS I will be working in the infirmary until 2, but let me know if you need anything

Nico rolled his eyes, tucking the letter in his bedside drawer. He pulled the tray onto his lap, surprised to find himself starving. Within five minutes, he had finished about half of what was on his plate. He jumped out of bed, looking around for something to wear. He pulled on a clean shirt, black jeans, and Will's hoodie. It was black, so it did not divert from Nico's color scheme.

He wrapped his hands around the still-warm coffee mug and opened the door. He stepped outside into the winter air. Even though the weather was regulated around the camp, the boundaries had been lifted to allow some snow to seep in. He glanced at the top of Half-Blood Hill and saw Festus and Peleus wrestling by the pine tree.

He looked around the camp. The first thing he noticed was the tents around the hearth; the Hunters of Artemis were visiting the camp. Wolves were snoozing outside the tents. The second thing he noticed was the explosion of decorations. A huge Christmas tree had been set up in the middle of camp with presents below it. Snowmen had sprung up in the commons. The Hermes cabin was working on a fort, preparing for a major snowball fight with the Ares cabin. The Hecate cabin had magicked tinsel and wreaths on each cabin. The Aphrodite cabin had hidden mistletoe all around the camp, springing unexpected kisses on unsuspecting campers. Menorahs and Stars of David were also sprinkled around the dining pavilion to satisfy the other holidays as well.

Nico reached the dining pavilion to find Percy and Annabeth pouring over maps for the Capture the Flag game that night. Camp Half-Blood was battling the Hunters plus Reyna, Frank, and Hazel. Although the number of campers outnumbered the Hunters, the girls always came up victorious. But Camp Half-Blood was determined to win. They looked up as Nico approached.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Percy called out.

Nico rolled his eyes and sat down on the bench across from them. "Percy, Annabeth. Where's everyone else?"

"Activities. We snuck out to plan for tonight. We have to win so we need to make sure this plan is perfect. We are team captains, after all." Percy said.

"How goes the battle strategies?" Nico asked.

"We have a solid plan, but Reyna is worth all of our demigods combined. I don't know if we can defeat her, much less the Hunters, whom we have never beat before." Annabeth mused, scratching at the paper in front of her. "Our offense will be fine. It's the defense I'm worried about."

"I can call in some reinforcements," Nico suggested softly.

Percy and Annabeth looked up at Nico's quiet words. They were silent for a beat.

"Don't play with us, di Angelo," Annabeth warned. "This is very important to me."

"I can call on some dead soldiers to keep the Hunters at bay and help break through their ranks." Nico pulled the map over to him. He spun the paper around and held his hand out for Annabeth's pencil. She handed it over. He circled some locations on the map. "From my past explorations of the camp, these are huge hot spots for the dead. If we can put our flag here, then we can protect our flag using the dead. If we draw them over here…" he drew a line across the map "… they would be ambushed by a large group of soldiers."

"Oh, that's brilliant!" Annabeth exclaimed, pulling the map towards her and started making different calculations, muttering under her breath.

Percy looked eagerly over her shoulder. "Oh, I cannot wait to wipe that smug look off Reyna's face!" He looked up at Nico. "I could kiss you right now!"

"Missed your chance," Nico joked. "Remember? Not my type."

Percy rolled his eyes. "I know who your type is. Blond, tan, doctorly…" Percy trailed off, the grin sliding off his face. "I was so excited; I didn't even think…"

"Is that such a surprise?" Nico interrupted, but Percy ignored the comment.

"Are you up for this? It drains you to raise the dead. Are you prepared?"

"Percy, after everything I've been through, I can handle a couple of skeletons," Nico informed.

"I'm not doubting you at all, Nico. I just want you to know what you are getting yourself into."

"I know. And I'm ready. I can do this." If I don't try now, when will I ever?

"You can control them, right? Because I've seen you and them in action, and they can be very destructive." His eyes slid to the crack in the pavilion floor. The one that Nico had made.

Annabeth looked up at Percy, exasperated to have a conversation interfering with her work. "Percy, Nico's powerful. He knows what he's doing. He can take care of himself."

"Thanks, Annabeth." She sent a smile in the direction of Nico before delving back into her work.

"Only if you're sure."

"Trust me, Percy. You trusted me to get the others to the Doors of Death. You can trust me to win Capture the Flag." Nico assured. "I know what I'm doing. I'm ready. Will might not think so, but I have to try."

Percy thought about it and eventually nodded in affirmation. "Okay. I trust you. And I won't tell Will. Your secret is safe with me."

"What secret?" They whirled around. Reyna and Thalia were approaching. Percy took the plans and rolled them up tightly so the girls couldn't see them.

"Thalia!" Annabeth exclaimed, excited to see her best friend. She shot up to give her a hug. "I missed you!"

"You too, Wise Girl," Thalia returned the hug before releasing her and moving to Percy. "Is she keeping you in line, Jackson?"

Percy grinned as he embraced her. "She's trying. But I'm a handful."

Thalia laughed. "Don't I know it." She nodded her head to the plans in Percy's hands. "Plans for Capture the Flag?"

"They might be," Percy said. "Who wants to know?"

"You really think you can beat me and my Hunters? Oh please, tonight we will continue the tradition of kicking your asses in Capture the Flag. We've been recruiting around the country, so we have a lot of new girls. Powerful girls."

Nico scoffed. "Recruiting, is that what you are calling it these days?"

Thalia snapped her head, zeroing in on Nico. "Little di Angelo, I thought you had left this camp."

"I returned," Nico said shortly.

There had always been tension between Thalia and Nico, ever since Bianca had died. He used to blame her death on Percy, but they had made amends. Thalia and Nico had not. The Hunters had taken away Bianca in the first place, "recruiting" her. Nico thought it was more like forcing her to make a decision when she wasn't ready to. Thalia had done nothing to prevent her death either. The two had not ever discussed Bianca's death and Nico was sure that they never would. Both of them were notorious for holding grudges and being all-around stubborn.

"Haven't changed much," Thalia said. "Still look like Bianca's little kid brother."

Nico felt a wave of anger. "You are the one who is trapped in a hormonal teenager body, forever."

"At least I don't have to stick around arrogant, egotistical men all the time. But you like that don't you?" Thalia asked.

"You have a problem with who I like?" Nico felt defensive about his sexuality. His mind briefly flashed back to the incident with the Ares kid who had beaten him up.

Thalia interrupted his train of thought. "What, the fact that you are gay? I could care less about that. I just have an issue with the male gender."

"Hey!" Percy exclaimed.

"What, it's part of my oath," Percy still had a pouty face on. Thalia rolled her eyes. "My gods, you really are a Seaweed Brain. You are one of the only males I don't completely loathe." Thalia's eyes hardened as they slid back to Nico. "You, on the other hand… just watch your back tonight." She turned to walk down the hill.

"It's not my back I'd worry about if I was you, Thalia," Nico called to her retreating back.

Annabeth sighed and followed her. Nico watched as they disappeared down the hill.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Reyna questioned, looking at Nico. "Because that was not friendly competition.

"I'm guessing she hasn't let Bianca's death go either," Nico muttered. He pushed away from the table, leaving his empty mug. "I'll see you guys later."

"Do you want to talk about this?" Percy called, trying to follow him.

Nico didn't answer, but Percy didn't try to pursue either. Nico wasn't that upset; he mostly felt numb. Bianca's death day had past recently, right before the Solstice. Seeing Thalia had brought up bad memories of that. The numbness he had always felt when he was thinking about Bianca washed over him.

He veered from the path to his cabin and headed towards the arena. There was a sword lesson being taught by Jason. Nico slinked back in the shadows, waiting for the lesson to conclude and the arena to clear out so that he could train. Nico leaned against a tree outside the arena, waiting, numbness soaking his being.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Jason dismissed everyone. He waited until everyone filtered out, before grabbing Piper's hand. He and Piper walked out of the arena. As the couple walked past, Jason looked to the tree, eyes locking onto Nico. He opened his mouth to say something to Piper, but Nico shook his head no. He nodded, before turning back to Piper.

"Hey, I left something behind. How about you go on, and I'll catch up with you later?" He suggested. Piper agreed before walking off.

Jason walked over to Nico. "Hey, what's going on? We didn't see you this morning during decorating."

"Yeah, I know."

Jason scrunched his eyebrows, picking up on his agitated state. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Your sister," Nico admitted.

Jason's eyes went wide in surprise before he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "My sister? What did she do?"

"Look, long story short, Thalia and I have some unresolved shit about… about my sister," Nico clarified.

"Hazel?" Jason's eyes cleared with realization. His eyes turned sad. "Oh, right. Percy told me that her death day was recently. Are you okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jason's question caused the anger to come out, replacing the numbness. "I'm- fine. I just… I need to train."

Jason considered him carefully. "Okay, I'll train with you. But I really think you should talk about Bi…"

"Don't," Nico warned.

He pushed himself off the tree and walked into the arena. He nervously paced around the weapons rack, feeling high-strung. He pulled out a sword. Jason flipped a coin in his hand and his Imperial Gold blade appeared.

Nico twirled his sword in his hand. Jason mimicked him. He made the first lunge. He deflected the blow before lunging back at him. They exchanged a few blows before sprinting apart. They continued clashing their swords.

After a couple of minutes, Nico noticed that Jason was holding back. Anger sparked through Nico as Thalia's words run through his head. Little kid brother. He wasn't a kid anymore; he wasn't fragile.

"You fight like a probatio," Nico taunted, referring to a Roman who hadn't proved themselves yet.

"And you fight like a Greek," Jason shot back.

The insult pushed Jason to go on the offense. The two boys began fighting harder. Nico tried to focus all his emotions into his movements, attempting to get them out of his head. They were building up. He was hit with a wave of rage. He twisted his blade, slicing Jason on his sleeve. Jason grunted in pain but continued fighting back.

Nico's vision flashed and suddenly, he was back in the forest, the Ares camper attacking him. Nico wouldn't let him get the upper hand this time. He deflected the sword swung at him, fury lighting him up. Nico twisted away, before successfully disarming his opponent. He sliced the opponent's arm, feeling satisfied when he saw blood bead up on the surface. He fell back. Nico stepped forward, ready to bring his sword across his enemy's throat, striking the killing blow.

"Nico," Jason breathed.

Nico came back to the present. With horror, he realized his sword was inches away from cutting Jason's carotid artery. Jason's eyes were flashing with fear. He quickly lowered the sword and dropped it. Realization of what he had done washed over him. He had hurt Jason; he had almost killed him. He fell to his knees.

"Jason- I," his voice cracked.

"It's okay," Jason reassured, but he was still a fair distance away from him. "It's just a scratch. We were sword-fighting, it happens."

"I- I- can't breathe." He forced out of his closing throat.

Terror washed over him as he began to have a panic attack. Jason sat up and was waving frantically in Nico's face, but the world was muted. The only thing Nico could hear was his own labored breathing. Panic overtook him. He had almost killed one of his closest friends! All because of a few insults sent his way by Thalia.

"Nico? What do I do?" Jason's voice broke through. "What do you need?"

Nico shook his head. He didn't know what he needed.

"I am going to go get Will," Jason said, before springing up.

No Nico wanted to shout, but his voice didn't come out. Jason left the arena at a run.

He and Will had just gotten back on speaking terms, so Nico didn't want to fuck that up. Will was so happy yesterday. Nico tried to calm himself down. He started taking deep breaths, attempting to slow down his heart rate. It took about five minutes before he could breathe normally again.

He sat back against the weapons rack that was nearby as he attempted to get control of his emotions. He closed his eyes and images of his sister burned at his eyelids. He pictured her face, laughing as she dragged his arm. A tear rolled down his face. He hadn't allowed himself to process Bianca's death when it happened, much less a couple of days ago when it was her death day anniversary.

"You're pathetic." A voice said.

Nico opened his eyes and stood quickly. He wiped the tears off his face, and whirled around, trying to locate who had spoken. Drew stepped out of the shadows, smirking.

"What do you want, Drew?" He scowled at her.

She ignored his question. "Crying over your dead sister. News flash: we have all lost someone. You aren't special just because you lost your sister."

The anger returned. "What are you doing here?"

She looked down at her nails. "I forgot my bag in here, after Jason's lesson. Oh, what I would do for that boy…" she fanned her face. Her daydream ended and her face got serious again. "So, you cry over your sister and attack your own friends. It shows that the only thing your powers are good for is hurting people."

"You need to watch what you are saying to me," Nico threatened.

She brought her hands up to her face and fake gasped. "Oh no, is the big bad bully going to hurt me too?"

"It was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt Jas…"

"But you did. You can't control yourself. You almost killed one of your best friends. Instead, you should focus on killing yourself…"

"Shut up!" He screamed.

A wave of energy burst from him. Drew's hair blew back. She looked scared but triumphant. She had won. "You are weak; you can't even control your emotions. You will end up hurting everyone here. So, do everyone a favor, and leave while you still can."

Nico gave her a withering look and whipped away. He purposefully strode out of the arena. He wished he could forget Drew's harsh words, but they stuck in his head. He noticed Jason and Will approaching, running hurriedly. He chose not to tell Will what had happened. He took a deep breath, composed himself as he wiped away the tears. His face was completely devoid of emotion when they came up.

"Nico, are you okay?" Will grabbed his arm.

Nico flinched, unable to stop himself. Will looked hurt; it had been months since Nico had flinched away from him.

Nico retracted his arm and spoke in an emotionless voice. "I'm okay. I'm sorry for hurting you, Jason."

"I'm okay, it's just a graze. Getting these injuries during sword-fighting happens all the time. It's an occupational hazard." Jason smiled reassuringly.

"What happened, Nico?" Will asked.

Nico shrugged. "I panicked because I nicked him, that's all. I'm okay now."

Will narrowed his eyes. He knew he was lying. "Jason seemed pretty concerned…"

Nico looked to Jason, begging him not to say anything. "I'm sorry I worried you. I'm fine."

"Only if you are sure…" Jason trailed off as if giving Nico the opportunity to say something.

Nico scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I said I'm fine. I can…"

"Take care of yourself, we know." Will finished. "If you're sure… Let's go to lunch then."

Nico nodded his approval. Will laced hands with Nico, who stopped himself from flinching. He took a deep breath trying to relax.