Disclaimer: All Disney works are the property of The Walt Disney Company. All other characters and settings are the property of their respective legal owners.
Author's note: Originally posted by Anon e Mouse Jr. on 2017-09-28. This is the first of three chapters posted today, which consist of the entirety of katfairy's Phineas and Ferb in the 500 Kingdoms storyline.
Disney/Kingdom Hearts Loops, Chapter Eight, part 1
8.1 (katfairy): [Phineas and Ferb] / [The Five Hundred Kingdoms]
Phineas and Ferb in the 500 Kingdoms, part 1
Phineas Awoke next to Ferb, as usual. Waking up on a path in the middle of the woods wasn't usual, but as Loops went, it wasn't a bad start. It was a well-trod path through trees that were older than any around Danville and maybe even older than most of the trees in the US. Well, except maybe for sequoias. And redwoods. Oh, and bristlecone pines. And then there were some oaks and maples that some towns had preserved that… yeah, okay, maybe he should limit it to "older than the Danville trees." But they were pretty old, with trunks so big they'd need their usual group of friends plus the Fireside Girls and Candace and her friends to circle them. Shafts of sunlight filtered through the canopy, which was richly golden and amber, with occasional patches of red. So wherever they were, it was fall. That was useful to know.
A quick look at Ferb and then down at himself gave him an idea of their setting; both of them were dressed in pants, full-sleeved shirts, and waistcoats with thick woolen capes draped over their shoulders. It was a bit like what Hobbits wore, but the sturdy boots he was wearing told him that wasn't who they were. His outfit was in shades of grey and green, while Ferb's was in grey and blue; not their usual color scheme, but he could live with it. Ferb seemed pleased with his outfit, especially the number of pockets on his waistcoat, which seemed to contain all sorts of things that might or might not be useful.
A quick Ping told him that at least one other Looper was around; he hoped it was the Anchor and that they were pretty close. He wanted to know where he was. Which was the cue for the Loop memories to kick in, and he stopped in his tracks. Not only had he never been to this Loop, he'd never even heard of it. He and Ferb were brothers, of course, only this time it was by birth. Twins, in fact. Their father was local gentry, a good man and a respected one, and their mother was…
"Huh. Okay, witches are a thing here and they're good guys. Well, most of them are. Cool; I love doing Loops with magic. No Candace, though. Too bad, 'cause she'd have loved the clothes around here."
Ferb nodded. Their memories were of outfits that were faintly steampunkish with occasional meanders into classic fantasy styles, which were flattering on someone tall and thin like their sister. Phineas made a mental note to pick up some nice things for the others while they were there. But in the meantime, the memories were giving them some worrying information. As a Witch, even a fairly minor one, their mother knew about things the average person didn't, and she'd made sure her twin sons knew about them too. A lot of it was really just being better educated than most, but there was one thing in there that worried him.
"Hey, Ferb, what do you make of this Tradition thing?"
"Sounds like trouble to me."
"Yeah. We'll have to really careful around anything that looks like a trope. Can you think of any traditions about twins we should be extra-careful about?"
"Not off the top of my head, but if I think of any, I'll let you know."
This time it was Phineas who nodded, and they started walking again. The two reached into their Pockets and pulled out their phones, figuring that they might as well do it before they got separated. In a world like this, preparing for a situation might mean avoiding it, which was another reason to have them. Technically, the devices weren't really phones; the power supply was the next thing to permanent, they were indestructible, they worked anywhere, and no phone had ever had as many apps as these, but it was easiest to call them phones, so they did. The phones went into pockets, with the hope that they wouldn't be needed except for taking notes.
As they walked, Phineas thought about their home-for-the-Loop. It was a pretty nice place, although a lot quieter than Danville. Their hometown was the type of place guidebooks back home would describe as "unspoiled" and "bucolic", maybe even "quaint." Of course, by this land's standards, the place was pretty up-to-date for being so far from the capital, but for a kid from the 21st century, it was a living history setting. The town of Doylycart reminded him a bit of a town in Vermont they'd gone to with their parents for an antiques-buying trip, he couldn't remember the name at the moment but he had a vague idea it had something to do with a rock concert. What his Loop memories of the country Rederring told him sounded like the more romanticized descriptions of England: quiet country villages and towns with a few cities for industry and stuff like that. The Tradition mostly divided the nobility into three types: the conscientious landlords, who may or may not spend much time on their country estates but made sure they were properly maintained; the absentee landlords, who were never seen and were further divided into those who had honest Stewards and those who didn't; and the thoroughly dissolute, again divided into redeemable and not. The gentry also felt the hand of the Tradition, running either towards the bluff-and-hearty types or the quiet-but-kindly-intellectuals like Sir Lawrence. On the whole, there were worse places to Loop.
His phone rang, distracting him from his thoughts. Shooting a look at Ferb, he answered it on speaker setting.
"Hey, Phineas, what'cha doin'?"
"Isabella? You're here too? Where are you? And if you're the third Looper, then who's the Anchor?"
"Well, I'm in a beautiful meadow about… five miles from you, according to the map on this. I don't know about the Anchor. Maybe this is a really new Loop and they don't know about Pings yet, or they didn't answer because they want to check us out first, or we've got a Stealth Anchor. Is Ferb with you?"
"Yeah, we Awoke right next to each other. Apparently we're twins here, and we're out studying the local geology today."
"Beats what I got stuck with. I'm an orphan making my own way in the world with nothing but my wits. I was thrown out of my father's home by my Wicked Stepmother after he died. Kinda cliché, but I guess it does happen."
Phineas exchanged an alarmed glance with Ferb. That sounded like a situation just begging for the Tradition to mess with it if it wasn't already. And it probably was.
"Isabella, we'll be there as fast as we can. Keep an eye out for… I don't know. Anything. This place has some seriously weird stuff going on, and we'll explain when we get there. And, um, you might want to pick a good hiding spot, just in case. You probably won't need it, but…" He trailed off, not wanting to scare her too much.
"Okay, got one. See you in about an hour?"
"Yeah, unless the path gets rough or really hilly or something."
They hung up, and Phineas started walking a lot faster. Not running, because he knew that wouldn't help, but a pace that covered a maximum amount of ground without using all his energy. Ferb kept up with him easily.
"Plucky orphan girl alone in the woods," Ferb said quietly. "I should have asked if there were stepsisters as well; that might have narrowed it down. Well, at least we know it isn't Snow White; Isabella's too tan for that."
"Back home she is," Phineas replied. "But back home she spends a lot of time outdoors in the sun, and sunblock can only do so much. If her stepmother kept her inside a lot, she might fit that. But if the stepmother had wanted to kill her, she'd probably have tried already."
Ferb didn't respond to that, but Phineas knew they were thinking the same thing: what if she had, and the murderer just hadn't found Isabella yet? Phineas thought about using one of the vehicles from his Pocket, but decided against it; he didn't have any proof that anything was going to happen, and most of the things that would get them to Isabella faster would be really hard to explain if they met someone. He picked up the pace a little, and Ferb matched him.
Isabella wasn't as worried as Phineas, because unlike him, nobody had ever told her unAwake self about the Tradition. Her father had been a wealthy merchant and had always spent more time on his work than with his family. He'd remarried within months of her mother dying, not because he was in love, but because he knew that it was necessary for a man of his stature to have a wife. He'd married the first suitable woman he'd found, and never even noticed what an annoying shrew she was to anyone who couldn't benefit her. Isabella had been over-dressed by her mother in this Loop, she knew, but her stepmother had put her in the plainest clothes she could get away with and had put a stop to pretty much anything that Isabella enjoyed. She'd also been made to help the servants with various jobs, which is probably the only reason she'd survived on her own long enough to Awaken. Isabella had learned basic cooking skills and had been on good enough terms with the servants that when her stepmother turned her out, they'd smuggled out a bundle of her belongings as well as a pack for travelling. That had been over a month ago, and Isabella was glad that she hadn't Awakened later. It was cold at night, but there was still food to be found in the woods; much later in the year and things would be very different.
She looked down at herself and sighed; Phineas wouldn't be seeing her at her best. She was clean at least, and her hair was tidily combed and braided, but her clothes hadn't been attractive when they were new. Actually, the battering they'd taken had improved them: the hideous olive green bodice and skirt had faded into a nice moss color, and the beige linen chemise was several shades paler too. Constant wear had softened what had been very stiff fabric, and she had to admit that while she was heartily sick of her outfit and had been even before she Awoke, it had become pretty comfortable.
"A maiden!" Isabella whirled at the rapturous gasp behind her, then clasped her hands in glee at the sight of the delicate silvery creature moving gracefully through the wildflowers. Seeing a unicorn wasn't quite the shock it would have been before the Loops, but she still loved them, and this one seemed eager to meet her. "Oh, maiden, art thou alone in this cruel world?"
"Ummmm… Yeah, pretty much." Okay, so the unicorn was a little pretentious.
"I will protect thee! None shall dare stand against my fury should they dare threaten thee! But can I lay my head on your lap first?"
"Sure, why not?" She'd read of unicorns doing that, but none of the ones she'd met so far had been the type. She tried to imagine Twilight Sparkle or Rarity doing that and had to stifle a fit of giggles; she was pretty sure this unicorn wouldn't appreciate the joke. They sat for a while, just enjoying the pleasant autumn afternoon. After about ten minutes of that, Isabella got out her comb and started working on the unicorn's mane. It was the same comb she used on her own hair, but somehow it didn't seem wrong to use it on a unicorn. The unicorn certainly wasn't objecting. In fact, it sighed happily and advised her to keep any loose hairs and braid them into a necklace. She liked the idea to begin with, because the hairs were soft and silky, gleaming with a healthy light, but then he told her why and she immediately decided that not only would she do so, it was going into her Pocket along with as many others as she could make. If she interpreted his babble right, as long as the hair was freely given the necklaces would be unbreakable and would ward off both illness and curses as well as preventing anything really evil from getting too close. That would be useful if the magic remained after the Loop. If not, then they'd still probably be pretty and she'd give them to Loopers who would appreciate them.
She'd made three necklaces and stashed them in her Pocket, explaining to Eilyr (which is what the unicorn's name turned out to be when he finally got around to telling her) that it was a small magic she'd learned to keep things safe, when a shadow passed over them. They looked up to see a dragon soaring above and wheeling around to take a better look at them. Isabella tensed; she'd faced dragons in other Loops with varying degrees of success, and her Loop memories told her that there were dragons here that didn't just kill whatever they saw and might even be friendly, but there was no way of knowing which type this one was.
"Eilyr, are the dragons around here good or bad?"
"We have both. Oh, maiden, I swore to protect you, but I can do naught against the likes of this! We must hide!"
And with the alacrity that might be expected from a holder of the "Better Part of Valor" Patch, Isabella dove behind a tree that was almost as wide as her real parents' garage. Eilyr followed, trembling. She'd quickly learned that Eilyr was, in all honesty, as clever as an inflatable dartboard, but she gave him points for not running. Together, they watched the dragon land. It was a handsome beast, with deep red scales that looked almost translucent and amber eyes. It was also large enough that it could pick her up in one hand or claw or whatever. However, it didn't look like it meant to threaten anyone; those amber eyes looked surprisingly cheerful and curious.
"Er, hello? Miss? This is frightfully awkward, but would you mind terribly if I abducted you? Only there's this Tradition, you see, and my last maiden got rescued a few weeks ago by a knight—rather charming fellow, really, and he and Charlotta will be ever so happy together, but the Tradition around here says I have to have a maiden locked in my tower even though it's deucedly inconvenient for all involved."
"What." Isabella had to admit this was a first. She'd met all sorts of dragons during the Loops, but she'd never met one that sounded like an upper-class Victorian Englishman trying to explain a lapse in propriety to an equally Victorian Aunt. She looked at Eilyr, who gave the unicorn equivalent of a shrug.
"It's not true everywhere, but in Rederring, if a dragon's lair has anywhere to hold a maiden, he's expected to hold one. And this one sounds like one of the decent ones."
Isabella poked her head around the tree cautiously. The dragon visibly perked up when he saw her, reminding her of the way Phineas looked when Ferb handed him a new blueprint.
"I should have introduced myself, shouldn't I? Shocking lapse in manners, please do forgive me," the dragon said. "My name's Almandin, and my lair's in the ruins of Castle Bunthorne. Well, I say ruins, but they're in quite good shape really, only abandoned for a few years before I moved in. Last owner was a poet, poor chap, and moved to the capital when the girl he fancied took up with a less gloomy fellow. Closed up the whole place, and wrote this long gloomy piece about letting it crumble to dust along with his blighted dreams or some such rot, and that was enough to satisfy the Tradition and me. I really wanted a place with a decent library, you see, because part of my hoard is books. Great-Grandsire was a Bookwyrm, you know, and blood will tell. Unfortunately, castles will have towers, and that means I need a maiden. I promise I'm not one of those tiresome chaps who insists on fighting your would-be rescuers to the death; I'm more of a Challenge type myself. Sir Benedict ended up playing a seven-hour chess game with me to free Charlotta; haven't had a game like that in ages."
Isabella smiled and came out from behind the tree, Eilyr beside her. Almandin seemed nice, and her Loop memories indicated that dragons didn't bother pretending to be something they weren't. If he hadn't tried to attack her yet, he probably wasn't going to. And since the unicorn had relaxed, Isabella would too.
Until she heard the hunting horn. She wasn't sure how, but she knew that was for her. Almandin and Eilyr tensed too, looking toward the sound. There was a pressure like a building storm, and she knew she had seconds in which to act.
"Almandin, abduct away. Eilyr, my friends Phineas and Ferb are heading this way, and I don't want them in danger. Could you head down the path to the west and warn them?"
"Men?" Eilyr sounded horrified, but Isabella shook her head.
"Boys. My age, both of them. Please, Eilyr."
"For you, maiden, I will. Guard her well, Dragon, or you will face my wrath." The unicorn reared up, wheeled around, and raced off to the west, luckily missing Isabella and Almandin both rolling their eyes.
"Dramatic types, those unicorns. Well, shall we be off before that Huntsman reaches us? Odd; I think the Tradition's gotten crossed." Without warning, his claws grasped her very carefully and he leapt into the air. Isabella shrieked, not expecting him to move that quickly. "Sorry! Thought it best to be out of his range before he got here."
"It's all right, just… a little warning next time?"
"Right-o."
Isabella crossed her arms over the top of Almandin's talons and rested her chin on them, enjoying the view. At least the Loop wasn't going to be boring.
At the sound of a distant shriek, Phineas and Ferb broke into a run. A unicorn galloped towards them, shouting something, but they ignored it and kept running. They reached the meadow in time to see the dragon flying away, and Phineas somehow managed to find even more speed, leaving Ferb behind.
"Isabella! Isabella!"
It was no use; they were flying farther and farther away, and there was nothing he could do about it. He sank to the ground, just staring after them, not even noticing when Ferb came up behind him and stopped, or when Ferb put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. It didn't matter that even if the worst occurred, he'd see her again next home Loop; he'd failed her.
"Isabella…"
8.2 (katfairy): [Phineas and Ferb] / [The Five Hundred Kingdoms] / [Frozen]
Phineas and Ferb in the 500 Kingdoms, part 2
"Phineas, I think-"
"Really, I think you need to listen-"
"—that maybe it's time-"
"—to me before you do-"
"—to start derailing things-"
"—anything rash. Are you-"
"—and quickly."
"—even listening to me?"
The dueling voices took a few seconds to sink in, but eventually Phineas looked around to see Ferb and a unicorn giving each other irritated looks. Just what the unicorn had been saying took a few seconds more to sink in, and when it did, Phineas' eyes narrowed dangerously.
"My friend just got taken by a dragon and you're worried that I'll do something rash?"
"Yes, well, about that—there's something you ought to know-"
Phineas was about to start yelling when a large pack of dogs burst from the woods and surrounded them. Or possibly a pack of large dogs. Both versions would be accurate. However one chose to phrase it, the dogs were not attacking, but they made it clear that it was an option if any of the three tried anything. Boys and unicorn alike froze, eyeing each other.
"Think they're after Isabella?" Phineas asked. The unicorn snorted.
"If you would just listen, I've been trying to—oh, not another one!"
A tall, grim-faced man joined the dogs, glaring at all of them.
"Where is she?"
Phineas glared back, knowing his wasn't anywhere near as effective. The unicorn snorted again, pawing the ground and lowering his head in a way that reminded everyone that he had a very deadly weapon at his disposal. The huntsman raised an eyebrow at that, frowning even more heavily. Ferb had his bow in his hand, not drawn but Phineas knew that could change before the huntsman had time to realize what had happened.
"I'm afraid there are no 'shes' around here," Ferb said, sounding calm. The huntsman shook his head.
"Maybe not now, lad, but my dogs tracked her here, so she was here, and recently. I'm not sure why you seem to be protecting the little harl-" The man broke off as Phineas lunged at him, only to be brought down by a few of the dogs. Ferb and the unicorn lunged forward but stopped when they saw that all but one backed off immediately and the last was keeping Phineas still by sitting on him. Phineas knew he had stuff in his Pocket that could deal with the situation, but decided to wait. He'd already blown it twice already; he wasn't eager to see if the third time really would be the charm. Besides, the man had trained his dogs to subdue someone without hurting them, so that might be a good sign. "Right, lad, you just settle down. Something's not right here. The tale I was told about Isabella Wellington-Wells wasn't that of a wench that would have a unicorn ready to defend her, nor two lads too young for her games. So she's more twisted than the lady said, or I've been lied to. Can't say as I like either notion. But I have to know which it is, which means I need you lot to talk."
"I will never betray a maiden to a foul cur such as yourself!" Phineas facepalmed and he just knew Ferb was rolling his eyes; this unicorn was really annoying.
"So she's definitely a maiden, then. Go on."
"Of course she's a maiden, and far too sweet and innocent to be given into the hands of a baseborn churl! You shall never find her now, however, for she is safe in the clutches of the dragon Almandin in Castle Bunthorne, and the likes of you will never pass his Challenges!"
"Safe in the clutches of a dragon?" The huntsman shook his head. "This is a new notion of safe to my mind."
"And you kinda just told him exactly where to find her," Phineas pointed out. "Stop helping, will you? This is a Huntsman sent by a Wicked Stepmother; we really don't want him to find her."
"Actually, we do," Ferb said. Phineas stared at his brother, who continued. "Traditionally, the Huntsman doesn't kill her and returns to the Stepmother with a deer's heart to 'prove' that he killed the girl."
"Here now, nobody said anything about killing," the huntsman objected. "The girl's guardian said the girl was a scheming minx who ran off before she could be locked away for her sins, and I was to retrieve her. Alive. I was told what to do if she was dead when I found her, but my orders were to return her alive and unharmed."
"And did those instructions happen to involve a heart in a box?"
"Aye. They did. The weather's turning colder, lad, but it's still too warm to transport a corpse that far. A heart's preserved more easily than a whole body, and that way her heart can be buried with her parents. Nothing shocking about it; that's just how it's done when it can't be done the usual way."
He was right, Phineas had to admit. It looked like the huntsman was just an innocent bystander, and would probably be the one to take the blame if the stepmother's plot panned out. Granted, the man could be lying, but so far the worst thing he'd done was badmouth Isabella, and he couldn't even be blamed for that if all he had to go on was the stepmother's story. At the moment, Phineas really had just one complaint against the guy.
"Uh, do you think you could call your dog off now? He's kinda heavy. I promise not to go after you again as long as you don't insult Isabella."
"Fair enough. Up, Despard! Good dog. Here, lad, let me give you a hand up. Name's Dickon, and you've likely guessed I'm a huntsman."
"I'm Phineas Oakapple, and this is my brother Ferb. Our father, Sir Lawrence, is the local squire. And the unicorn is… hey, we never got your name, did we?"
"Nay, for you were too busy panicking and ignoring my sound advice. I am Eilyr, protector of the maiden Isabella. Be warned that any who would threaten her must face my wrath!"
"Like the dragon?" Phineas asked, still worried. To his surprise, Eilyr shook his head.
"Almandin is one of the Dragons of the Light, and only keeps maidens because the Tradition obligates him to do so. He was most polite when he asked the maiden if he could abduct her, and when she heard the hunting horn, she agreed and sent me to find you. I was hesitant, for male unicorns usually do not associate with male humans, but the maiden asked so sweetly I could not refuse."
"And I'm Iolanthe, the Holly Fairy, and I'm glad you're already discussing this sensibly. When I sensed that tangle, I was sure I'd arrive to find an unholy mess."
They turned to find a woman standing by Ferb, looking at him curiously. She was tall and willowy, with thick glossy waves of rich brown hair crowned with a circlet of, yep, that was holly, which Phineas didn't think could be too comfortable. She had eyes as green as the leaves in her crown, a perfect snowy complexion, and a beautiful face. Not the most beautiful he'd ever seen, but probably in the top twenty at least. Her gown was holly-leaf green (of course) trimmed with berry-red beads, and skewed towards the fantasy end of the local fashion scale, which made sense if she really was a Fairy. And judging by the reactions of Eilyr and Dickon, she probably was. Dickon was down on one knee, hat in hand and head bowed. Eilyr stood at attention, looking proud. Phineas exchanged a look with Ferb before removing his own hat and bowing, but not kneeling. Ferb took his hat off, but Phineas could tell he was too unnerved at having a strange fairy pop up right next to him and start staring at him to do much else.
"Uh, tangle, milady?" Dickon asked cautiously.
"Too many Paths intersecting at once and something new trying to start its own Path. Oh, but you won't know about that yet. Do get up, and let's continue talking like sensible people. In fact, Tradition dictates that I make you as comfortable as I can under the circumstances. Here, let me take just a moment." She waved her star-tipped wand and chanted something in a sweet mezzo-soprano; a pavilion appeared in a shimmer of light. There were enough seats for all and a table filled with food. "Don't worry about the food; I'm a Fairy Godmother and it would not do for me to play those sorts of pranks. Or allow others to play them, for that matter."
She chivvied them into the pavilion in a surprisingly motherly fashion. Once they were all seated, or at least comfortable since Eilyr didn't sit, she gave a brief explanation of the Tradition to Dickon, who was the only one there who didn't already know about it. He'd frowned at it, clearly not liking the idea of being pushed around by some mysterious force that wanted life to imitate stories whether or not it was a good idea. Phineas couldn't blame him for that; he didn't like it either, especially since the Tradition just wanted a Traditional ending, and not necessarily a happy one. Dickon's story was exactly what they'd already guessed: he'd been hired by Isabella's Wicked Stepmother to bring Isabella, or at least her heart, back home for reasons Phineas wasn't sure he wanted to know about. The woman had told him all sorts of nasty lies, which explained his attitude. Dickon was an honest sort and expected honest dealings; he knew there were dishonest people out there but he hadn't been prepared for the kind of manipulation Mrs. Wellington-Wells the Second had used. She'd portrayed herself as a grieving widow dealing with a wanton stepdaughter, and Dickon wasn't good at dealing with crying women. Iolanthe looked both exasperated and sympathetic at that, but agreed that he'd done the best he could. Then she turned to Eilyr, who gave a florid but accurate description of his side of the events, and again Iolanthe assured him he'd done the right thing. Finally it was Phineas and Ferb's turn, and he'd just thought of what to say that would explain how they knew Isabella without bringing up the Loops.
"Well, we've known Isabella for years, although we haven't seen her for a while," he said. It was even true; his last Loop had been in Agrabah and nobody else from Danville had been there. Ferb's had been in Danville, but Isabella had been replaced by Susan Ivanova from that space station Loop. "She got a message to us that we should meet her in this meadow as soon as could all get there, so we were almost here when we heard her scream. I guess she must have been startled by the way the dragon was carrying her; she's not easy to scare."
"Oh, good; living with even a friendly Dragon takes iron nerves, especially around dinnertime. Now, I have some questions for you two. I've been keeping an eye on you; twins can run into some highly unpleasant Traditional Paths. I had been expecting one of you to go to the bad, but that's a little less likely now; Isabella's father died because Sir Marmaduke's heir decided to get clever and arrange his villagers' lives to suit his ideals. I really should have seen that coming; those rigidly self-righteous types are always easy to topple off their pedestals. Well, he got what he deserved, but poor Johnny paid for it."
"Mind if I ask? Isabella might want to know," Phineas said.
"The brat bought a very strong love potion and served it to everybody so that they'd get married without regard to rank, age, or common sense. Then he browbeat his betrothed into taking it too, and had a temper tantrum when the potion worked but it made her fall for a different man. Denounced her in front of the whole village, then demanded that Johnny break the potion's spell. An ordinary potion would have been difficult enough, but this was Johnny's pride and joy, and very complex: it only worked on unmarried people old enough to wed. But Johnny was always rather strict in his business practices, more of a merchant than a Sorcerer, really, which meant he insisted that the customer must be satisfied and so he sacrificed his life to break the spell. The brat had revealed his true character to the whole village, so he was disgraced, his father disowned him, and his betrothed broke their engagement and left the village to stay with her aunt at the Royal court. She's already showing signs of becoming the Sadder But Wiser Girl, which Traditionally leads to finding a man who deserves her but has to work to show her he can be trusted. There are a few Paths I don't mind encouraging, and that's one of them. Now how on earth did Ferb end up with green hair? I can't think of a single Tradition that's linked to!"
Well, that explained why Iolanthe had been staring. He should have thought of that, but he was just so used to it that it didn't occur to him that it was odd until someone pointed it out.
"Well, that's just Ferb," Phineas said. The Fairy opened her mouth, closed it, then shrugged.
"Right," she said. "At any rate, since we've had a Fallen Heir in this kingdom so recently, it's not likely either of you will go that way. The Tradition likes to repeat itself, rather by definition, but not that quickly. So, having established that, we really must sort out Isabella's tangle. A Snowskin, a Dragon's Maiden, and then there's all those Paths revolving around orphan girls and orphans alone in the woods… The poor child won't know if she's coming or going if we can't narrow the field a bit. I rather like her as a Dragon's Maiden, under these circumstances. Almandin might talk her ears off, but he'd never allow her to come to harm, and since he's the Challenger type, she can live with him for years in safety and comfort. That Tradition says he has to keep her in his lair, but it doesn't say she can't have visitors. Although once you two are old enough to be thought of as suitors, I'm afraid Almandin will be forced to keep you away, but that won't be for years. Give her a few days in the tower, and most of those other Paths will fade away. Unfortunately, the Snowskin path won't."
"Pity she doesn't have her usual tan," Ferb sighed. Iolanthe looked at him, smiling.
"You know, that might work. Most Snowskins are worried about tanning, because Ladies Don't, but if Isabella isn't the type to care—well, maybe that will break the path. It's worth a try, at least. We'll know by how the Stepmother reacts after she gets the deer's heart. I'm afraid that part's necessary, Dickon, but I'd advise taking to the woods as soon as you can get away without arousing suspicion. In some versions of this, the Stepmother kills the Huntsman for betraying her and I'm sure we'd all rather that didn't happen, you most of all."
"Aye, that's true. I'll tell the old besom the girl died from injuries got in that storm I passed through the other day, and I know where to get a deer where none will know to question me. Happen I know of a family that could make use of the rest of the carcass too. If it works, I'll come back and tell. If not, you'll have to fight her anyway and I'll consider that my vengeance. If you don't have any more use for me just now, it's best I be on my way. And however it turns out, I'm glad to have been of service to a Godmother. Lads, watch out for each other and try to stay out of danger. You're a little young to be Heroes."
"Yes. Yes, we are," Phineas said. "But if Isabella needs us, we'll be there."
"Reckon you will, lad, reckon you will."
Dickon smiled at them and stood up. With a bow to the Godmother and a nod of his head to the boys, he left, pack trailing behind him. The one that had sat on Phineas earlier dashed back to give him a quick lick on the cheek before disappearing into the woods. Iolanthe nodded, looking as though she'd thought of something useful.
"Now, Eilyr, do you know how to get to Castle Bunthorne?"
"Yes, Godmother! Give the word and I shall fly to the maiden's side and console her in her loneliness!"
"Yes, do that." She actually giggled as the unicorn bolted at the end of her words. But then her face grew very serious as she looked at them, and Phineas had a sinking feeling that she was about to make life awkward. "Now, lads, perhaps you'd like to explain why the magic around you has changed so drastically from this morning, and how you and Isabella are able to perform magic that not even a true Fairy Godmother can identify?"
"Oh, snap," Phineas winced, and Ferb heaved a sigh.
Back in Danville, Candace looked out the back door to see Anna and Elsa playing with the Fireside Girls. The sisters had replaced Phineas and Ferb for this Loop and were happy to have girls of their own apparent age around, although they were a little disappointed about missing Isabella, who had been replaced by Galadriel of all people. It promised to be as quiet a Loop as Danville would allow (in other words not very, but a little less hectic than usual), so why did she have the distinct feeling that she'd just missed out on a bust?
8.3 (katfairy): [Phineas and Ferb] / [The Five Hundred Kingdoms]
Phineas and Ferb in the 500 Kingdoms, part 3
"Uh, true Fairy Godmother?" Phineas asked, stalling for time.
"I'm one of the few Fae still actively Godmothering. Your mother must have told you that most Godmothers these days are mortals, or at most half-Fae; I'm a full Fae, but I love my work too much to give it up." Iolanthe gave him a look that said she wasn't going to fall for any tricks, even if she did answer questions. Phineas sighed, but then a thought occurred to him.
"Hey, are you this Loop's Anchor? Have you noticed time repeating itself? Like it's Looping back around to a certain day and you start over from then?"
"No, I can't say that I have," Iolanthe mused, "not as such, anyway. I am aware that something odd has been happening; as a Fae, I do have certain senses even magical mortals lack. Please don't ask me to explain them at the moment, as it can be done but takes quite a while and I'm not sure we can spare the time. I assume you have been experiencing these Loops?"
"Well, yeah, but not here. See, there's this whole Multiverse thing going on—lots of different universes, each with their own reality, and almost all of them are Looping. And sometimes Loopers from one universe find themselves Looping into a different one, and that's what happened to us. There's a lot more to it, but it's kinda like your senses—it takes a while and we don't have the time. Maybe once Isabella's out of trouble, if the Loop doesn't end when that's done. I don't know this Loop, so I don't know how long it lasts."
"Fair enough. And I would guess that your strange magic is explained by that as well."
"The subspace pockets aren't… actually, they kind of are, aren't they?"
"Sufficiently advanced technology," Ferb said. Iolanthe spocked an eyebrow at him, and he continued, "There's a saying on our world that sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic to those unfamiliar with it."
"That makes sense. Well, at the moment I don't think we need to worry about these Loops of yours, but we do need to worry about your friend. I'd rather not have a Snowskin in Rederring, thank you, especially since the closest dwarfs are rather nasty types, as bad as that lot Lily had to deal with last year. I'm sure you wouldn't want Isabella to fall into the hands of rogue dwarfs, and if we can't stop the Snowskin Path, that could easily happen. Oh, wait, there is one question I'd like answered: how do you know so much about our Loop, and why do I remember meeting your mother?"
"When we Loop into another world, we Loop in as though we belonged there and the Loop creates a history for us," Ferb explained. "Once we Awaken—that's the point when we remember that we're Looping—we get the memories of our lives here."
"Very useful," Iolanthe nodded. "And quite a sensible way of arranging matters. Now, because of this tangle, you've drawn the attention of the Tradition, so I'd prefer to keep an eye on you while I work on Isabella's problems. I try not to be any more high-handed than I can help, but I must insist you return with me to my castle for a while. I'll send your mother a note explaining matters, or at least telling her that I'm trying to keep the Tradition from muddling things too badly."
"All right," Phineas said, feeling a lot more cheerful. He knew from his Loop memories that a Fairy Godmother could be trusted, and he really wanted to see a genuine Fae castle. It was also good to know that Isabella was relatively safe; he couldn't imagine too many things that could get to her with a dragon and a unicorn guarding her, and if they did, Isabella would probably have something from her Pocket ready to use on them. Even a Fireside Girl couldn't avoid occasional Distressed Damselhood, but that didn't mean they had to stay that way, and Isabella wouldn't.
The flight to Castle Bunthorne wasn't very long, and Isabella enjoyed every second. The view was lovely, all rolling hills leading up to mountains a little bigger than the Appalachians but not quite as pointy as the Rockies. There were woods and meadows, brooks and ponds, and even the odd waterfall. The weather was clear, and while she was a little chilly from the wind whipping past her, it wasn't as bad as it might have been because she was mostly protected by the dragon's claws. She even saw a few villages, although Almandin was careful not to fly too close to them for obvious reasons. And finally she saw the castle, which came as a bit of a surprise. For one thing, even taking Almandin's size into account, she hadn't expected the place to be very big; after all, the last owner had been a poet, and they weren't known for having a lot of money. She'd also expected it to look as English as the rest of the buildings she'd seen. Instead, the place was huge and decidedly French-looking. In fact, she was pretty sure she'd seen pictures of an identical castle in her home Loop. But Almandin was landing in the courtyard and a handful of very short people were coming out to greet him.
"I say, you'll never believe my luck," Almandin called to them. "Found a willing maiden first try, and she's young enough that she won't have any suitors for a while. Everyone, this is Isabella; Isabella, this is everyone. Brownies, actually, which isn't very Traditional of me, but I saved Col's life, so here he is and he brought some others when we moved here because it's a ruddy huge old pile and even a Brownie has his limits. You'll look after her, won't you, chaps?"
"Of course we will, and you know it," the oldest-looking of the Brownies said gruffly. Oldest-looking was a relative term; all of them looked close to the same age, which was a hard-working middle-age, but Col's hair was a bit greyer than the others and his face was a bit craggier. "And do you call that an introduction, you great lizard?"
"I'm a dragon; I'm not supposed to be good at that sort of thing. Besides, if I had done the thing, you'd still complain, so why not let you have my share of the fuss to begin with? Miss Isabella, I've got some cataloguing to do and I can't fit above the ground floor anyway, so why don't you let this lot show you around and let you choose a tower room to not pine away in? I'm afraid it does have to be a tower room; Dragon's Maidens have to live in towers or the Tradition gets frightfully tiresome. Best to let it have its way in the things that don't matter and save your energy for when it does." And without another word, Almandin slipped inside, leaving her with the Brownies. Her Loop memories weren't much help, as her father hadn't dealt much with the Fae and her education had mostly been that of a wealthy merchant's daughter; in other words, mostly useless.
"Um, hello," she said after a few awkward seconds. "So, what exactly does a Dragon's Maiden do? I probably should have asked before I agreed to it, but the unicorn told me I could trust him and someone seemed to be hunting me, so…"
"So you did the best you could," Col said. "Unicorns don't have much sense about most things, but if they tell you a creature can be trusted, that's safe enough to believe. And from the looks of you, the Tradition's trying to push you down the Snowskin's Path. Good thing there's only the six of us here including that fool dragon, or you'd be eating a poisoned apple by nightfall."
"But I'm too…" Isabella trailed off, looking at her hand. Her Loop memories told her she'd been careful to keep out of the sun to avoid unladylike tanning, which meant that at the moment she was black as night, white as snow, and red as blood. Well, she'd soon fix that. But first things first. "What Tradition? Almandin mentioned it a few times, and it seems to be pretty important. Is it the law or something?"
The Brownies chuckled and grumbled slightly, depending on their attitudes. Col just shook his head.
"That will take some explaining which we'll be happy to do after you're settled in. Come along, lass, there's a lot of rooms to be looked at."
There were, too. Almandin had said the place had a tower, but it actually had several and each one had multiple rooms. The Brownies were determined that unless one suited her perfectly, she would see all of them. It meant a lot of walking and climbing, but she took advantage of the time to get to know them. Col was fairly easy to read; he was the Gruff Old Codger With a Heart of Gold. Then there was Daw, slightly shorter than the other two male Brownies and bearing a faint resemblance to Sam Gamgee, who was even more quiet than Ferb and with the same air of competence. The last of the men was Noll, whose twinkling brown eyes always gave the impression that he was about to share a good joke; from what they said, Isabella deduced that he mostly helped indoors with tasks a dragon's claws couldn't handle. Zorah was a bustling, motherly type who seemed determined to put some meat on Isabella's bones; and Martha reminded her of a cross between Rarity and Fluttershy, a little reserved but not unfriendly and clucking over Isabella's clothes. All of them seemed likeable enough, and she got the feeling that being this Dragon's Maiden was going to be a lot of fun. She hoped that it didn't mean she wouldn't be able to see Phineas for the duration—and Ferb, of course, she really would miss him, just… not as much as she would Phineas.
The tour probably would have taken until supper, but in the third tower, Isabella walked into a room and couldn't resist a loud squee. The room was decorated in Practical Princess: pretty without being fussy, just enough lace, silk, and velvet to look rich without going so far that people would be afraid to touch anything. The colors were a little more adult than she usually favored, but the warm russet, gold, and brown reminded her of her Fireside Girls uniform. The bed was big enough to fit her whole troop, even including Candace, and it was beautifully carved with a vine pattern winding around the posts holding up the brocade canopy; the head and footboards showed forest scenes. The windows faced south and east, just the way she liked it; she'd be able to watch the sunrise from her window. She checked the doors on the west wall and found a dressing room/closet behind one and a true bathroom behind the other; there was even a Victorian-looking flush toilet, the type with a chain to pull that would probably make enough noise to wake everyone in the castle. Then again, maybe not, considering how thick the walls were; Isabella was willing to bet there were secret passages in them.
"Could I have this room, please? It's perfect!"
"Then it's yours while you're here," Zorah said. "Of course, you can look at the other rooms later, and if you want to, you can move. Doesn't hurt us to change things around every now and then; keeps us from getting lazy. Can you see anything here you'd like to change? Anything missing?"
Isabella took another look around, this time thinking of a long-term stay, but eventually just shook her head. Zorah nodded.
"Well, that's good, then. Col, you go tell Almandin she chose the Autumn Room. Daw, Noll, back to your usual chores. Martha and I'll tell her everything she needs to know as soon as we get her measured for a proper wardrobe. I can tell you've taken as good care of your clothes as you could, lass, but you need better to look the part of a Dragon's Maiden. Do you prefer tight sleeves, fairy-wing, or something in-between?"
Like most men hearing women beginning to talk clothes, the other three left quickly. Isabella, Zorah, and Martha spent quite a while discussing, sketching, and measuring; partway through Martha left and came back with an armload of fabric that turned out to be gowns left behind by previous Maidens. Most of them were far too big, being made for older girls, but at least one of those Maidens had been short, because a few only needed some hemming to fit. The only thing wrong with them was that they were white, which all agreed was not very practical; still, they would do until Martha could make something new. Isabella offered to help, but the Brownies looked shocked at the idea, so she backed off. Instead, she let Zorah haul her away for a good hot bath. At one point she'd have been uncomfortable letting somebody help her bathe, but between Looping experience and Loop memories, she'd gotten to the point where she didn't mind anymore. In fact, she had to admit that she liked having someone help her wash her hair; it reminded her of that one hairdresser back home who always did such a good job and never acted like she knew what the customers wanted better than the customers did. Isabella had just started toweling off when Martha poked her head in.
"Excuse me for interrupting, but Godmother Iolanthe is here and wants to talk to Isabella," she said quietly. Zorah straightened up from dealing with the bath and turned around.
"Godmother Iolanthe? Here? Dear, dear, this must be serious. Still, we'll have to take a few minutes; Isabella can hardly go down like this."
What followed was a dizzying flurry of activity, and when Isabella had time to think again, she found herself in a huge library with Almandin and a beautiful woman in a deep green gown. Isabella glanced down at her own gown and grimaced; it was made of some rich material that she couldn't identify, but it was rather plain. Still, she wasn't going to let being underdressed throw her off. The woman watched her walk in, clearly assessing her.
"Yes, I was afraid of that. My dear, I've been speaking with a great many people about your situation, which I'm afraid is graver than we realized at first. I am Iolanthe, Fairy Godmother for this and the neighbouring two kingdoms, and I must say that in all my years of Godmothering, I have never run into such a tangle."
"Uh, sorry?"
"Oh, it's not your fault, dear, it's that wretched Tradition combined with the Loops that Phineas and Ferb told me about. Before you ask, I'm not the Anchor, but I suspect I know a good candidate for it. But that will have to wait. You see, normally the Tradition wouldn't have pushed someone as young as you into either the Snowskin or the Dragon's Maiden Path, but because of the Loops of yours, you are technically much older than your physical age. The Tradition doesn't quite know what to make of that, so it's falling back on the most obvious Paths it can find. Oh, but have they explained the Tradition yet? I realize you haven't had much time."
"No, but it sounds like it makes things pretty awkward around here," Isabella said. Iolanthe smiled wryly in return.
"My dear, you have a gift for understatement. Please do sit down and I'll explain."
And she did. Isabella's jaw dropped as she realized that they'd landed in a world ruled by a mysterious force that insisted on trying to turn everything into stories and forcing people to go along with them no matter how miserable it made them. She'd understood the Snowskin references, as the name was pretty close to the story she knew already, but she'd though they were just referring to the fact that her story seemed pretty similar. It hadn't occurred to her that she might have been forced to live it out and she shuddered at the idea of some random not-Phineas prince waking her with a kiss and being forced to fall in love with him. It didn't seem very fair to the prince, either; if he knew about the Tradition, he'd always wonder if she'd have loved him for himself without being magicked into it. And there weren't too many ways to get around that particular Path either, unless she consented to having her magic drained, which she wasn't sure she liked the sound of.
"So what you're saying is, your best hope right now is for me to get a tan?"
"Sounds daft, doesn't it?" Almandin said cheerfully. "But sometimes the Tradition can be undone by the simplest things, so if you're willing, why not give it a go? The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work. Oh, and you might get a sunburn. Or heatstroke. Or-"
"Thank you, Almandin." Iolanthe said, rolling her eyes. "Isabella, we have a few days before Dickon returns to your Stepmother, and I do think it's worth trying. All you have to do is spend a good part of the day outside in the fresh air. And in the meantime, we'll all be working to see what we can do if it doesn't work, and I am including you in that. Almandin, didn't you tell me that there was a Poet's Nook in the garden when you got here? Is it still here? Because if it is, Isabella can use that as her studying space."
"No, last winter's big ice storm rather put paid to it, sad to say. There's a gazebo, but it's rather shady. Oh, I know! The pavilion in the ornamental pond! Charlotta used to bring her harp out there in decent weather and play for hours. Of course, she'd stay in the shady part, but it has sunny bits too. And there's fish in there, so we might get a Wise Carp to help. Just—if any frogs start talking, do be a good girl and ignore them, won't you? Especially if it says it's a prince. Last thing we need's another Path to muck us up."
Isabella giggled, but didn't argue. It sounded like the next few days were going to be busy. Good; she liked being busy, especially when it was with something useful, and she couldn't think of anything more useful than learning something to not get killed stupidly. Or married even more stupidly. She wasn't sure which she most wanted to avoid.
8.4 (katfairy): [Phineas and Ferb] / [The Five Hundred Kingdoms]
Phineas and Ferb in the 500 Kingdoms, part 4
One of the good things about the Loops to Phineas' mind was the fact that there was always something new to discover. It kept him from going nuts when he couldn't be tinkering or helping his friends; doing both at the same time was favorite, of course, but not always possible. It was particularly bad, though, when he knew a friend needed help and he couldn't do anything, but having almost free reign to explore a genuine Fairy Castle housing a genuine Fairy Godmother made a pretty good distraction. Even if Iolanthe had been the modern pink-and-fluffy type of Fairy it would at least have been something to do, but she was an old school Fae, powerful, dangerous, and a lot of fun when she wasn't busy trying to prevent disaster.
Iolanthe had accepted their more detailed explanation of the Loops with the air of someone who heard stranger things on a regular basis. She'd asked sensible questions, too, and Phineas suspected she had some ideas about who the Anchor might be. He didn't mind that she wasn't saying anything; she probably wanted to make sure before getting their hopes up. He did mind that she wasn't letting them see Isabella, but since the Tradition was apparently showing a lot of interest in all three Loopers, he could understand why she wanted to focus on one issue at a time. Well, two, since from what she said Isabella had two different Paths duking it out to control her life. She hadn't said how the Tradition was going after him and Ferb, but it was pretty obvious she hoped having them in her castle would make it shut up for a while.
On the whole, he and Ferb liked Iolanthe, but they agreed that it was a little annoying that she kept acting like they really were the 12-year-olds they were in this Loop. They'd told her they'd been Looping for centuries and she had believed them, but that meant she treated them like exceptionally intelligent 12-year-olds: mature enough to get an explanation, but still kept out of the important stuff. They were being patient for now, but they had their limits. If Isabella needed them, they would go, no matter what the Fairy Godmother said. Luckily, they had an ally in Phyllis, Iolanthe's daughter-in-law, who admitted that she had learned the hard way that judging people by their apparent age could end badly.
At the moment, they couldn't complain about being left out of things, because Iolanthe was working some fairly complex Fae magic. Since this genuinely was an instance of a time they couldn't help, they took Phyllis up on her offer of a tour of the castle. And if they just happened to notice where the library was, well, a bit of reading never hurt anybody, right? Phyllis agreed that it was very important for them to keep up with their studies, somehow managing to keep a straight face as she said it.
The castle really was interesting and they did enjoy poking around, but the second the tour was over they dashed for the library. Iolanthe's husband, a grey-haired mortal man named Daniel, was just leaving as they approached.
"Good morning, lads, you seem rather energetic today. I wonder if I could presume on your good nature as well as your youth and ask you to put away the books I left on the table? At my age it's easier to get things down than to put them back up."
"Of course, sir," Phineas said, not even having to think about it.
"Good lads, good lads. Thank you, and I'll see you at lunch. Or perhaps supper."
Daniel wandered off down the hall, humming cheerfully. Phineas had the feeling he'd been got at somehow, and with a glance at Ferb, opened the library doors. A huge pile of books covered the table, and Phineas' heart sank; he'd promised he'd put them away, but they'd be lucky to even start looking for their own books by the end of the day. He sighed and reached for the top book, glancing at the title.
"Twins and Tradition: Double Trouble? Hey, this might be—wait a minute. Workings of Time in Traditional Paths? Random Maunderings That Might Be Of Use To Somebody? Snowskin Variations? Dragons and Maidens? Ferb, did he just do half our work for us?"
"I think the judge just ruled in our favor."
"There's even bookmarks in a lot of these. We'll still have to read them ourselves, but we can pay special attention to those parts. And stacks of paper and pens… Well, Ferb, I know what we're going to do today." Phineas sat down and started reading; Ferb joined him, chuckling.
Elena Klovis was worried. The Tradition hadn't acted up for over a month in any of her kingdoms, except in mostly minor ways that didn't need a Godmother's help. Half of the incidents she only learned of after the fact, when someone reported to her. One of the more depressing variants of the Sadder But Wiser Girl had been averted by Elena's own former Wicked Stepmother of all people, who had recognized the would-be seducer and ripped into him very publicly. She'd been ready to turn her vicious tongue on the girl as well, but the girl had a temper of her own and had ignored her in favor of breaking her mug over the man's head. Madame Fleur's letter had been very colorful, and Elena still found herself giggling over it. A Ladderlocks had been averted by the husband breaking his leg slipping on wet leaves while on his way to steal the greens; she'd practically felt the Tradition throwing up its metaphorical hands in disgust over that one. But that had been the biggest problem all month, and that worried her. The Tradition had to be saving itself for something truly unpleasant; there could be no other explanation. Not unless it had something to do with her other difficulty, but she couldn't think how mitigating the damage caused by events she knew would happen could throw off the Tradition that much.
She sighed, looking out at her garden. Alex was there, working hard, but it wasn't her Alex. This was the arrogant, obnoxious Prince Alexander who had thoroughly earned getting turned into a donkey. Again. This was the fifth time she'd had to do it, and while the process of undoing his earlier training became easier each time and always resulted in the man she'd been surprised to fall in love with, she still missed her Alex. Being with these Alexes almost felt like being unfaithful, but how could it be when it was still him? Or was she justifying it to herself? There was nothing in the Tradition to answer that question, and asking the Mirror Servants and the Fae had given her confirmation that she hadn't gone mad and imagined time repeating but hadn't been able to tell her any more than that.
"Godmother? Godmother Iolanthe wishes to call on you at your earliest convenience," Randolph, her Mirror Servant said, startling her.
"Iolanthe? Heavens, why would she be calling on me? Tell her she's welcome at any time," Elena said, and rose to make herself a bit tidier. No sooner had she done so when there was a small commotion from the direction of the pond in the bottom meadow; Elena remembered that she had a predilection for that sort of thing. She ran downstairs to be ready to greet her, warning the Brownies as she did.
Iolanthe was gliding gracefully toward her, not seeming to notice the gaping donkey she passed. The Fae greeted her cordially, if a little distractedly, which wasn't a good sign, but she paused before entering the house, eyes gleaming.
"I see you have a new donkey," she said. "What a fine beast; why, a king needn't be ashamed to own such a creature!"
"He certainly is a royal ass," Elena agreed, trying not to laugh. Alex made a noise the likes of which only an indignant donkey could produce and the two Godmothers hurried into the house before they ruined the effect by giggling like schoolgirls. Iolanthe had always struck her as remarkably human for one of the Fae; she'd certainly never met another Fae Fairy Godmother with a sense of humor like that, anyway. "Iolanthe, I'm always glad to see you, but what on earth is wrong?"
"Oh, where to start!" The other woman flopped onto a chair in a manner that should have been ungraceful. "My dear, I'm going to ask you something that may strike you as completely mad, but I do have my reasons. Has time been repeating for you?"
"You, too?" Elena blurted, staring. But Iolanthe shook her head.
"Not I, indeed. But I have been aware that something is strange in the world that isn't related to the Tradition, and I have now met three people who know why. In fact, they are experiencing it themselves. They are quite experienced at it, and I found myself in the unusual position of being the student rather than the teacher in this matter. I will leave it to them to explain what is happening to you, but one aspect of what they described made me think of you, and I was right. Now, I recognize the signs of trying to redeem a Failed Quester, but can you leave him for a while? These three have gotten involved in one of the worst tangles I've ever seen, and that's saying something. I've got a Snowskin who's also a Dragon's Maiden, twin brothers who are both childhood friends of the girl, the girl is over head and ears in love with one of the brothers, and all three are quite astonishingly clever. I've got the girl doing research and the boys have my castle and grounds to explore, but that will only distract them for so long. You see, I haven't told you the most awkward part: they're only twelve!"
Elena shook her head, trying to make sense of it.
"If they're twelve, then how can they be experienced with this?"
"Time Loops, my dear; who knows how many times they've been this age?"
"…Iolanthe, refresh my memory. Who was it who nearly broke up her son's engagement by giving him what she thought of as a motherly kiss in public even though she knew her son's fiancée didn't know he was half-Fae?"
"Well, that was me, but—oh. Oh! Oh, dear." It wasn't often that a mortal got to see a Fae looking sheepish; Elena bit back a grin. "Well. That would account for a great many things."
"Such as?"
"Daniel and Strephon have been trying to convince me to let them help, Phyllis has been giving me the look you give someone you love dearly even though they're being exceptionally dim, and the Brownies have been being very obviously patient. I of all people really should have known better than to judge someone by their apparent age. At least we've caught my blunder fairly early, and I can start making things right directly I return home. Can you come, my dear? I really do think it would be best to deal with this quickly."
Elena thought for a few minutes. At this point, Hob had most of the dealings with Alexander; she thought it best to keep her distance until he was closer to her Alex. He wasn't as nasty as usual, but if events otherwise followed their usual course, it would be a few more weeks before that happened. And he'd had his day as a human yesterday, so she could stay away for a few days without risking his mind turning beast-like due to the spell on him. The Brownies were certainly capable of running matters at home without her, and if she was needed back her, Randolph could contact Iolanthe's Mirror Servant.
"I think I'd better change into more Godmotherly clothes, but yes, I can come for a few days," she said. "Do I need to be the Rose Fairy, or will just looking like a proper Godmother do?"
"Oh, just the Godmother, I think. We've got quite a bit of work ahead of us, and all those silly frills will just get in the way. I do wish I could have put a stop to that before the Tradition got hold of it, but what can you do?"
Elena nodded sympathetically, then went to change. An elegant but sturdy gown in shades of rose-pink, her favorite wand, and a few changes of clothing carefully packed in a bag and she was ready to go. She spoke to the Brownies and Randolph, then joined Iolanthe out in the garden and headed for the path.
"I am glad you thought of me when you learned of these Time Loops," she told Iolanthe as they walked. "I've been wanting someone to talk to about this, but nobody else seemed to notice. I almost thought I was going mad."
"Time… Loops?" a hoarse voice asked from behind them. Elena froze. "Do you mean, time repeating itself? Living your life over again from a certain day?"
Everyone turned slowly to look at the donkey, who had a look of desperate hope in his eyes. Elena felt a slow trickle of hope of her own beginning to rise.
"Alex?"
"Elena? My Elena?"
She dropped the spell on him without another moment's hesitation, and he stood before her in the peasant's clothing he'd accepted with ill grace. She'd thought that odd, as he'd always insisted on wearing that ridiculous uniform of his the other times; it had been a clue, and she'd been too blind to see it. He took a step forward, and Elena flung herself at him, nearly knocking him over, and kissed him breathless. His response eliminated any lingering doubts that it really was her Alex, and she felt a brief temptation to ask Iolanthe to call for her tomorrow. Instead, she let the kiss wind itself down naturally, and the two stepped back.
"We are a pair of idiots, aren't we?" she said. "How long has this been going on for you?"
"Since about a month before we met in the woods. I hated to ride at you that way, but you didn't seem to know me so I thought it was just me, and I thought I'd better act like I had back then. Well, maybe not quite as bad."
"So this is your first time repeating, then," Iolanthe said. "Right, then, you'd better come along, because you're part of this too. A fairly important part, if that kiss was anything to judge by. Hob, do close your mouth, you look like a landed fish."
The stunned Brownie shut his mouth with an audible snap, then took a closer look at Alex. His eyes narrowed as he saw the changed demeanor, the soft smile as Alex looked at Elena, and the magic that was begin to gather around the man—magic that Elena also saw. Finally he nodded with a satisfied grunt.
"Don't pretend to understand what just happened," he grumbled, "but if it's made a decent man out of him, I'll not be the one to complain."
"Speaking of decent, I should probably bathe before going anywhere," Alex said. "I smell like an overworked mule. Which reminds me—a royal ass? That was terrible!"
"You're only annoyed that I beat you to it."
"That is entirely beside the point."
Elena laughed, glad that she had her Alex back. The Loops, if that was what they were called, had been so very lonely. Now she had someone to talk to, and that someone was Alex; she'd never have dared expect that, and tears of joy streamed down her cheeks as she kissed him again.
8.5 (katfairy): [Phineas and Ferb] / [The Five Hundred Kingdoms]
Phineas and Ferb in the 500 Kingdoms, part 5
Well, if she couldn't have Phineas and Ferb around, at least she had a great place to stay while she missed him. Them. Isabella nibbled on a delicately rose-flavored lace cookie, took a sip of tea, and turned the page of her book. She'd set up a loose schedule for her days, and while it was only the second day on it, it seemed to be working: five to ten minutes in direct sun, then at least half an hour in the shade, no more than three hours at a time reading, get up and walk around every so often to keep from getting stiff. She kept the same morning routine in every Loop to make sure she and her skills stayed in shape, and adding that to it wasn't a hassle.
She also made sure to spend an hour each day exploring the castle, figuring it would be a good idea to know the layout. Iolanthe had hinted that while Dragon's Maidens could be abducted as young as fourteen (and she thought that Isabella had been accepted because the Tradition was confused by her Looping status), but they were almost never rescued before their sixteenth birthday, and more usually near their eighteenth. That gave Isabella about four years to wait, and she suspected she'd need it if she wanted to really know Castle Bunthorne. Medieval castles were designed to be essentially walled villages, and this one was no exception; the place could probably house her entire neighborhood back home with room to spare.
More importantly, though, she was also exploring the Tradition. She still didn't like it, but when she thought about how other universes were run, it really wasn't so bad in comparison. At least the Tradition liked to give people a fighting chance, and for those who knew myths and folklore pretty well it was practically a cheat guide. Isabella wasn't an expert, but she suspected she was a bit ahead of Phineas and Ferb in this world, simply because girls got told fairy tales more than boys.
"Excuse me, miss, but you're wanted back at the library," Daw said, appearing next to her without a sound. "The Godmother has returned and wishes to speak to you."
"Thanks, Daw," she replied. Closing her book, she snagged one last cookie for the walk. She'd have carried the tray, but the Brownies had made it very clear that for the moment she was to be treated as a pampered princess, in the hopes that it would further confuse the Tradition. It was nice for a change, but she didn't plan on getting used to it. She did insist on carrying her book by herself, though; that crossed the line from pampered to lazy as far as she was concerned.
It was a bit of a hike back, and mostly uphill, but she didn't mind. The weather was still clear and just cool enough that the long dress she wore was comfortable. Still, she didn't dawdle, because she wanted to argue the case for having Phineas and Ferb with her and goofing around wouldn't help. She made it to the library in a reasonable amount of time and entered after a quick knock to let them know she was there. Almandin was there as usual, but there were also a handful of others. The Knight In Shining Armor was hard to miss; tall and handsome, with longish brown hair and a beaky nose that didn't distract from his good looks. He looked a bit like a more buff version of Danny from Love Händel, which made her stifle a giggle. Next to him was a very pretty woman in her early-to-mid-twenties, blonde and blue-eyed and dressed in a rose-pink gown that Isabella envied a little. An older, grey-haired man stood next to Iolanthe, and next to him was a man who had to be their son, with dark brown hair and Iolanthe's green eyes. He had his arm around a strawberry blonde girl who couldn't be more than twenty but was visibly pregnant; Isabella was a bit surprised by that, but reminded herself that a) this was a world where girls were frequently married by the time she'd have expected to graduate high school and b) she knew for a fact that at least four people in this room didn't look their age and the girl might well be over a hundred. They looked up as she entered, exchanged glances, then drew apart to reveal—
"Phineas! Ferb!"
She glomped Phineas, almost knocking him off his feet, then did the same to Ferb. They'd talked on their phones over the last couple days, but it wasn't the same. If they were in a Loop together, then they wanted to be together. It was that simple. Besides, they always did their best work together; any one of them was pretty good by themselves, and Phineas and Ferb working together were amazing, but the three of them working as a team were unstoppable.
"My dears, I'm afraid I owe you all an apology," Iolanthe said. "I should not have treated you as children, especially once I knew your stories. Rest assured, I have been taken to task for it and am thoroughly contrite. Now, as you may have surmised, I wish to talk to you all together, and not just you, but everyone who may end up being of substantial help, with one necessary exception. You won't have met my family, Isabella, so please allow me to present my husband Daniel, my son Strephon, and my daughter-in-law Phyllis. Nor will you have met Godmother Elena and her fiancé Prince Alexander. That is another thing for which I must apologize, but this is directed mainly at Phineas and Ferb. Lads, we did not tell you everything last night, because we thought it best to wait until we had you all together. Elena and Alexander are both Looping, and we have reason to believe that Elena is the Anchor for this Loop."
"Oh, we figured that out last night," Phineas said cheerfully. Iolanthe's eyebrows almost jumped off her head, and Isabella had to work hard to keep a straight face. Most of the others didn't even try, and Phyllis even giggled.
"I do need to stop underestimating you two," the Fae sighed. "Really, I'm not usually so inept, I give my word."
"You did warn us they were clever," Elena grinned. "How did you figure it out, Phineas?"
"Well, it was kinda obvious you weren't telling us something, and you kept almost talking about it, then saying 'tomorrow', and then Iolanthe said we'd be coming to see Isabella tomorrow, and it just made sense. You wanted to do this when we were all together so we didn't have to explain stuff more times than needed, right?"
"That's it precisely," Iolanthe said, visibly relieved. "Now, my dears, if you could all sit down, I'm afraid we have a situation that is more difficult than I had hoped for. But before we get into that, I would like for you to explain the Loops to Elena and Alex."
Explaining the Loops was relatively easy, even though they didn't usually get the chance to give the "Welcome to the Multiverse" speech. Elena and Alex both learned how to Ping fairly quickly, and Elena had the basic idea for creating a subspace pocket within the hour. She was also pleased at getting a copy of Twilight's book; she stated outright that it would be the first item in her Pocket when she got it open. All of the locals were fascinated by the stories of the different Loops, understanding the logic behind the various types of Loop and impressed that some were determined to make their Loops Sanctuaries for beleaguered Loopers.
"I'd love it if we could offer something similar, but I don't think it will be possible," Elena said. "Somehow I don't think the Tradition will allow that. In fact, I'm wondering how the Tradition will react to the Loops; it might not make a difference, but I don't want to count on that. The Loops may become part of the Tradition, although I'm not entirely sure how that would work. It's something we'll have to keep an eye on. I think I'd like to discuss it further with some of the more magically-inclined Loopers, like that man Dumbledore you mentioned or the Equestrian Anchor—is her name really Twilight Sparkle?"
"That's how names work there; they tend toward the descriptive," Ferb said.
"Well, she probably found our names odd at first as well," Elena mused. "Oh, and I mean no offense to you; your help is invaluable, it truly is. It's just that this world is highly magical, and from what you say, yours is not."
"Oh, hey, no, that totally makes sense," Phineas said. "We've had some experience with magic, but to figure out something like that, of course you want to talk to people—well, beings, anyway—who really know about it. We're pretty good at what we do, but we aren't experts in everything, and for something that pretty much controls your world, you want real experts. We can give you a good list of who you'll want to talk to, if you'd like. Can't promise you'll meet them any time soon, of course, but the good thing about the Loops is you can afford to wait for stuff like that."
"A list would be a good idea," Alex agreed. "Also, when that's done, I'd like a list of beings to watch out for. The troublemakers."
"That's in the book," Isabella said. "But we can give you notes on the ones we've actually met, and how we handled them. One of the harder ones to handle is only hard because it's just so cute that you feel bad about attacking it, but once you start thinking about what it's done, it's a lot easier. Although Kyuubey may not show up here, since it targets girls around my age. I drop-kicked it, for the record. But getting back to the magic people, if you ever get to meet Gandalf the Grey…"
They spent most of the morning and a good part of the afternoon on Loop mechanics and giving notes and warnings about specific Loops and Loopers beyond the initial two categories. Ferb brought up Leah Clearwater, pointing out that there were werewolves, vampires, and the like who were Looping and might run into trouble due to the Tradition. All of them agreed that the Equestrians needed to be warned about how the Tradition treated unicorns; while the idea of, say, Shining Armor turning into a sappy idiot every time he got near a virgin was amusing, they knew it would quickly get annoying for all involved. They spent a good half-hour to forty-five minutes on the Doctor alone, wondering how each version of him would be affected by the Tradition. Isabella privately thought that the youngest-looking one would cause the Tradition to have a nervous breakdown.
Eventually they got to a point where they realized that they were gossiping more than giving useful information, and they turned to Iolanthe to explain what she had said earlier. The Fae grimaced and reached for her husband's hand.
"Well, I have something else to confess," she sighed. "I'm actually just getting back into the swing of things as a Godmother. You see, Fae and mortals aren't really supposed to have more than brief flings, but I decided I would rather have the pain of losing Daniel than never really having him at all. My Queen did not approve, and I was punished by having to spend twenty-five years at the bottom of a stream looking after Frog Princes. I was able to keep an eye on my son, but I had little other contact with the world. If it wasn't for one of the younger Fae asking what had become of me and two dear friends stirring up the rest of our band to ask for my release, I might still be there. But mortals can change so much in what seems to be a mere eyeblink to a Fae, and I am finding that there are many Traditions now that simply did not exist when I married Daniel. I believed that Sacharissa Wellington-Wells was simply a Wicked Stepmother, but there are signs that she may be far worse than that. I've warned Dickon, of course, but he's determined to do his part. I do hope that I'm wrong, Isabella, but I believe that the Stepmother is also a Necromancer, and that she married your father in order to get access to his magic. She wouldn't have realized that you were also a source of power for her, or she'd never have thrown you out, although that may have been the Tradition forcing her hand. However it fell out, she is now aware of the Traditional power around you—power that has only been increased by adding the Dragon's Maiden Path. In trying to confuse the Tradition, we have, at least temporarily, made matters worse for you."
"Well, it was worth trying, and I did volunteer after Almandin asked me," Isabella said. "We'd pretty much gotten ourselves into the situation before you even knew about it. But will she be able to find me here? She has some of my stuff, but I wasn't Awake when I left and now I am, so that might confuse a tracking spell. It does in some magic systems we've run across."
"Well, dear, we'll hope for the best, but I'd rather not rely on it. If the Tradition still considers you a Snowskin when she tries to find you, then she will probably find you if she's at all competent. And we know she is, because she managed to hide what she was from your father. Thankfully, we have a few days, but we'll need to be ready to act at a moment's notice."
"Elena and I will have to return to her cottage for at least a day," Alex said. "But after that, I'll hopefully be a Champion again, and if I take up residence here it should give you some protection. We just have to be careful of the wording when I swear myself to that, as I'd rather we didn't give the Tradition a chance to make us fall in love."
"That would be wrong on so many levels," Ferb said.
"What he said," Phineas agreed. "And I think Ferb and I should stay too. If she's looking for a Snowskin, she'll be expecting dwarfs, so the more not-dwarfs we have around, the better, right? Besides, we can study the Tradition together and compare notes easier, and then there's stuff we've learned while Looping that we might be able to use…"
"I say, I rather like the idea," Almandin said. "We Dragons don't usually care for each other's company for too long, but I don't mind having you folk around. Bit of a house party, what? And it also makes the numbers wrong for Snowskin's protectors; with just the Champion we'd be at seven, but with these clever lads we'll be nine, and whoever heard of a Snowskin with nine protectors? And when that unicorn gets here, we'll be ten. Rather a motley band, but that may work for us."
"Then it's agreed," Elena said. "We'll each keep searching our respective libraries and making sure we plan for various Traditions. And we have to keep an eye on the amount of Traditional power around Isabella, and do some scrying to see if our efforts are closing any of the Paths. I'd also like to train Isabella; it never hurts to have extra Godmothers about, and she might as well get some use out of all of that power swirling around her. I've done it before, in… in baseline, although they were older. Well, if you don't count your Looping age. Oh, heavens, that still confuses me, and somehow I don't think that will end any time soon."
"It won't," Ferb said.
"It takes a while," Phineas agreed.
"Well, I'm always up for learning something new," Isabella said. "I can use it for my Learning Otherworldly Skills Patch."
"…Is that a thing, or are you just messing with us?" Phineas asked, grinning. Isabella just grinned back and didn't answer.
Sacharissa Wellington-Wells glared at her Mirror Slave.
"Mirror, mirror, on my wall, who's the fairest one of all? And if you say Godmother Aleksia or any of the Sea King's daughters again, it will go badly for you."
"Well, it is a rather subjective question," the green face sighed. "Fair can be used in so many different ways. Still, if you want to know who the prettiest maid in this kingdom is, there are still three choices: Aline Sangazure, Princess Ida—although she won't count much longer, since she's heading off to that college of hers—and Josephine Corcoran."
"So the wench is dead, then," the Dark Sorceress gloated, fulfilling her Traditional role. "Not the ideal outcome; all that Traditional power wasted, after all. On the other hand, once I devour her heart I shall gain her youth and beauty, and then I shall have years in which to further build my power, and then I shall rule this land and not even the Godmothers can stop me!"
Her laugh was more suited to an anime noblewoman than a fairy-tale villainess, but as far as the Tradition was concerned, it was good enough. An evil laugh was necessary, whichever Tradition it came from. The Mirror Slave rolled his eyes, knowing she couldn't see him at the moment, mentally counted down the days until the Tradition dealt with her as it did with all her type, and wondered just what it was about going Dark that turned so many into melodramatic idiots.
8.1-8.5: A very interesting start to a very interesting storyline.