Disclaimer: All Disney works are the property of The Walt Disney Company. All other characters and settings are the property of their respective legal owners.
Author's note: Originally posted by Anon e Mouse Jr. on 2017-12-09. This is the second of four chapters posted today.
Disney/Kingdom Hearts Loops, Chapter Twenty-Two, Part Two of Eight
22.4 (GMBlackjack): [My Little Pony] / [Gravity Falls] - also compiled in MLP Time Loops as Loop 170.5.
Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic 4: Headhunters
The Mane 6 and Wendy were watching TV. On the screen was a duck in a Sherlock Holmes hat and a constable.
"I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir." The constable said. "My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident."
Then the duck started quacking, with subtitles appearing to translate it from duck: "An accident, constable? Or is it… Murder?!"
Fluttershy gasped, turning red. "That naughty duck!"
Applejack sighed. "He wasn't sayin' what it said he was sayin' was he?"
"Not at all…"
Wendy shrugged. "If you were a duck being forced to act on a substandard show, I'm sure you'd love to get away with as much as possible."
Rainbow Dash muttered something about "animal translation spells." Her nose was deep in Journal 3. Twilight was half reading over her shoulder.
Soos ran in. "DUDES! You'll never guess what I found!"
After various responses (ranging from "cute bunny" to "annoying dog" to "time machine.") Soos shook his head. "Nope! A SECRET ROOM!"
Everyone left the TV quickly, rushing into the secret room. Soos slowly opened the door, revealing a bunch of wax figurines.
Rarity blinked. "An old abandoned… wax… museum?"
"So lifelike…" Twilight commented.
"Except that one." Rainbow Dash said, pointing to one that looked like Stan.
"HELLO!" Stan said, grinning like a madman. Everyone jumped. He never got tired of that. Ever. Though that one time he had cloned himself several times was even more amusing.
"Behold, the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! Stuff. It was one of our most popular attractions. Before I forgot all about it. The first time, anyway."
Wendy cocked her head. "First time…?"
"Oh wake up." Stan said, gaining a confused look from Wendy and a chuckle from a few of the Equestrians.
"Anyway, my personal favorite was Abraham Lincoln. However…" Stan sighed, gesturing to a pile of wax goop. "He appears melted. Like the sun wanted to wrestle his pointless life from him…"
Twilight blinked. "Wax statues aren't alive."
"Right, right of course." Stan said, waving his hand dismissively.
Pinkie grinned. "I WILL MAKE YOU A NEW WAX FIGURE!"
Stan groaned. He knew it'd be her. The wax figure day was always a hard one for him. But hey, he'd get through it. He always did.
He put on a smile. "You really think you can make one of these puppies?" He snorted.
"Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts and parties and chaos and pink and energy and power and magic and cotton candy and sugar and cake and sweets and dreams and happiness MASTER! Of course I can make one!"
Stan blinked, slowly taking all this in. Old loopers had an odd way of making him feel even older. It was a paradox.
"Uh… sure. MAKE YER GRUNKLE PROUD!"
Stan was 90% sure he knew what the wax statue was going to be. As usual. But not before she shot a million ideas at a brick wall.
Stan had not meant that literally when he had thought it, but in hindsight…
"SHALL I MAKE A WAFFLE WITH ARMS?" Pinkie asked a magic 8 ball while blindfolded. She then tossed the ball into a wall, shattering the ball. Pinkie then turned to look at the angle of the sun and test the wind. "Guess not." She said.
Stan blinked. "What the…"
Then an 8 ball hit him right in the face.
"THE 8 BALL HAS SPOKEN!" Pinkie said. Stan swore he saw pink fire light up behind her with various eyes inside it. But when he blinked, it was gone. He shook his head. The Loops were making him go insane… And not the fun kind of insane either.
"I SHALL GET TO WORK!" Pinkie declared, plucking some of Rainbow Dash's hair for supplies as she ran past.
"Wh— OW! HEY!"
"Sorry Dashie! Need rainbow powered paintbrushes and your hair is just naturally rainbow infused!"
"Um. Next time use scissors?"
Pinkie paused. "I never thought of that…"
Later, The Mystery Crusaders, Apple Bloom Corduroy, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo (just Scootaloo) were in the audience of the Mystery Shack's "grand reopening of the Wax Museum."
Of course, they weren't there for the free pizza. (Well, maybe Scootaloo was). They were here to watch. To be SPIES!
And of course to see creepy wax figures. Because, duh, creepy wax figures. Awesome stuff.
They watched as Stan walked up to the podium. "You all know me folks! Town darling, Mister Mystery! Also ladies, quit staring at me like I'm the devil incarnate. Thank you!"
Silence greeted the strange man.
"I give you enchantments and wonderments, novelties and befuddlewhatsizbitz, the likes of which the world has never known in the history of all timelines! But enough about me. Behold… ME!" And with that, Stan uncovered the one Wax Statue not out for the public to view: a perfect replica of Stan himself, except with glitter added. It was very shiny.
Also if you looked at it in the wrong light it appeared to be on pink fire.
Sweetie Belle stared. "So shiny…"
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo groaned.
Pinkie leapt up and took the mic. "HELLO! THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THIS PARTY! I made this sculpture with my own two hooves! Or.. Hands! Or whatever! IT IS COVERED IN MY BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS, PINK FIRE, HAIR, NATURAL GLITTER, AND OTHER FLUIDS!"
The Mystery Crusaders pondered this before recoiling in disgust.
"I SHALL NOW TAKE QUESTIONS!" Pinkie yelled, a party cannon going off.
Apple Bloom frowned. There was something really off about this Pinkie girl. She made special note to watch her closely.
McGucket asked the first question. "Old Man McGucket, local kook. are the wax figures alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?"
Pinkie grinned. "YES! NEXT QUESTION!"
Apple Bloom cocked her head. "Yes?"
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "That answer meant nothing. If they were alive, she answered yes to that. If they weren't, she answered yes to the kook surviving. She's clever."
Sweetie frowned. "How can she be clever if she made a wax Stan?"
"I have no idea." Scootaloo said.
"We shall solve this conn… conun… conundrum." Apple Bloom said.
Meanwhile, the questions were still going on. "Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you think this constitutes a wonder of the world?"
Stan put a stupid grin on his face, obviously enjoying this. "Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby."
"It certainly is…"
"Put Toby Determined down as someone to watch." Sweetie said.
"Eh why?" Apple Bloom said. "He's just as weird as everyone else here."
"Exactly."
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom rolled their eyes before continuing their observation.
Berry Punch jumped up. "You PROMISED FREE WINE!"
Pinkie shook her head. "No. You must've misread the flyer. What we have instead is…" Pinkie said, grinning. "FREE PIZZA!"
From literally nowhere, it began to rain pizzas. Everyone was happy, particularly Free Pizza Guy, who ate one of them mid-flight in one bite. Pinkie gave him a trophy.
Maud, for some reason, sprinkled pebbles on a pizza and walked away with it.
The Mystery Crusaders stared on, slack jawed.
Perhaps this was why they were watching the Mystery Shack… Spontaneous pizzas were not normal…
Stan sighed.
It had happened again.
Wax Stan's head had been chopped off.
He had figured out how to prevent this from happening long ago, but he was trying to go with it. And thus, Wax Stan had to suffer.
It was a euphemism for his life, really. Because Stan was Stan, people had to suffer.
One person in particular.
He watched as, of course, the mane 6 defied the sheriff and his deputy and decided to investigate the murder of Wax Stan and bring the perpetrator to justice. Everyone did. Stan thought he knew who the culprit was, but he couldn't be sure. The Loops liked to mess with his head and have other beings kill Wax Stan than the expected ones.
He cautiously eyed Wax Sherlock Holmes.
Next Loop, he was turning that one into a Ducktective statue.
He watched as the mane 6 found the axe, as they wandered around gathering clues, avenging him.
Of course he went along with it, with his "AVENGE ME!" speech and jumping around in mock anger.
But in reality he was just… sad. This statue always reminded him of the person he was in baseline.
A person he still was, to some extent. A lying cheat.
And not the amiable fun kind either. A backstabber.
He sighed again.
He also noticed that those Mystery Crusaders were following the kids around.
He wondered why…
"So, Mystery Crusaders, what do we have?" Apple Bloom asked.
"We observed them investigating the "death" of Wax Stan." Scootaloo said, holding up the pen pad. "We have witnessed them somehow get past the security of the "Lumberjack Bar." We did manage to follow them, at the cost of Sweetie getting a black eye…"
"I told you we should have made fake IDs as well!"
"Woulda taken too long." Apple Bloom said. "Go on."
"Then we watched them realize the axe was left handed, so Manly Dan couldn't have done it… Then we watched them go through and investigate everyone who as at the pizza party… Lost a lot of pencil lead… and then accuse Toby Determined. We all know what happened next." Scootaloo said, shuddering at the memory. Who on earth spent hours kissing a cardboard cutout of a reporter… Who did that?
"Anyway, Toby was shown to be innocent, and everything turned out to be pointless." Scootaloo frowned. "We also observed Rainbow Dash look deep into some Journal with the number 3 on it. And I swear that Pinkie girl defies all logic."
Apple Bloom nodded. "Stan will be holding a funeral for Wax Stan later today. We should be there to watch it."
Stan always held the funeral.
He could never bring himself not to. It was too important to him.
Perhaps it was an attempt to undo his wrongs. Perhaps it was an attempt to make peace with everything.
Whatever it was, he always cried.
Always.
Even in those amazing variants where he was here with him, he still cried.
He ran out, Soos and Wendy following him, leaving the mane 6 in the room with the wax statues.
Rarity looked around. "How did he convert this place into a ceremony room?"
"He's a Looper." Twilight said. "Does he need to follow logic?"
Pinkie butted in. "Who said anything needs logic?"
"Good point."
Twilight sighed. "We didn't solve the mystery…"
Applejack frowned. "Wait. You just said it."
"Oh no." Twilight said, looking around panicked. "Okay so where's the clue here that we are going to find seconds too late?"
Rainbow Dash pointed at the body of Wax Stan. Specifically, his foot. "That hole… matches the footprint we found…"
Slowly, the mane six turned to see the wax statues turn towards them.
Wax Sherlock Holmes twirled his pipe and glared. "Ah yes, they found us out didn't they chaps? It's a shame they're too late to do anything—"
The wax figures, now alive, moved in to attack.
"Hey!" "Get off!" "No you get off!" "Toteming is a science!" "Not if your foot is in my eye!"
"Girls!" Apple Bloom said. "Hold still! I can't see in the window!"
Sweetie and Scootaloo shot death glares at each other, but held steady. Apple Bloom stared in through the window.
"Is that… pink fire?"
Then a wave of liquified wax poured out of the window with a force of a tidal wave. The Mystery Crusaders were completely covered.
And it began to harden.
"ACK!" Apple Bloom yelled.
Scootaloo tried eating her way out while Sweetie just went "EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEEWEWWEW!"
The voice of Pinkie could be heard from inside. "Yeah, taking the candle away from us wasn't very effective was it?"
"Pinkie." Twilight said, trying not to lose it. "Please put out the chaos fire."
"Oh sure. Right away."
"I think you melted Wax Stan's head as well."
"YOU DID WHAT?" The voice of Stan could be heard.
The Mane 6 blinked, before nodding to each other and dashing off in separate directions.
The Mystery Crusaders trekked back to their base, the wax caked onto them.
The report of that day was inconclusive.
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22.5 (GMBlackjack): [My Little Pony] / [Gravity Falls] - also compiled in MLP Time Loops as Loop 171.6.
Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic 5: Gideon and Ghosts
Go to the Tent of Telepathy, Twilight had thought. It'd be a good idea, Twilight had thought. It would annoy Stan and it would be much more interesting than watching the utterly brainless TV shows this Loop had, Twilight had thought. Maybe he really was psychic and could be interesting, Twilight had thought. This could be fun, Twilight had thought.
Now Twilight was being levitated in midair with a pair of shears directed at her face.
She was really, really, tempted to just burn the little ventriloquist dummy and get it over with, but he had an air of importance about him that Twilight had learned to detect from millennia of looping.
So that was out of the question.
To be honest, Twilight hadn't really expected it to go like this. The strange boy had asked Rarity on a date. (The thought of which was absolutely disturbing to begin with.) Rarity had shut him down.
The first time it was a gentle "no".
The next time involved a bit of slapping.
The third turn down Rarity called her friends (or siblings) in.
It was quickly discovered that the little "psychic" was a big. Fat. Creep.
Who also, for some reason, had a folksy voice that made no sense in an eight year old.
"Y'all are in the way of my sweet Rarity Diamond! I will have her! Ya hear? YA HEAR?"
Applejack had done her human-form-buck to get the boy far faaaaaar faaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.
And yet, somehow, he was back, using his now apparent psychic powers to point a pair of shears at Twilight's face.
She cursed herself for thinking his plot line was over.
"Now… You are just one of five in the way of my conquest of Rarity! She will be mine!"
"Look, Gideon. You probably aren't aware of this but back home she already has a guy. He's named Spike and he's quite nice—"
"I SHALL BLOW HIM OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET!"
"Yeah okay kinda figured you'd say that…" Twilight muttered. "Was worth a shot I guess…"
"Now be a good little sheep and lose your face—"
"GIDEON!" The voice of Rarity yelled throughout the warehouse.
"Darlin…?" Gideon said, a smile growing on his face. "I knew it! You've come to me!"
"Yes yes now put my sister down please…"
"Of course my sweet—" Gideon said, lowering Twilight.
What happened next involved Rarity levitating Gideon's necklace right off him, and then proceeding to toss the pudgy child around like a golf ball.
"OW! OW! HEY! DARLIN! I THOUGHT—"
"YOU THREATEN MY FAMILY, HAVE THE NERVE TO FORCE YOURSELF ON ME, AND ABOVE ALL WANT TO WIPE SPIKE OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET!" Rarity stared deep into Gideon's eyes. "YOU. MADE. A. BIG. MISTAKE."
Twilight was quickly reminded why she never got Rarity mad…
Gideon roared. (Or tried to, with all his bruises it kinda came out as a MArGFFF!)
His amulet was gone. His precious Rarity had just been mind controlled to beat him up. How cruel!
She was being kept away. That was the only answer. She couldn't think that of him. He was a true gentleman!
Gideon was not known for his knowledge in the matters of romance.
He pulled out handmade dolls of the entire pines family and set them up on a replica of the Mystery Shack.
Kid was beyond creepy.
Gideon picked up the Twilight doll. "What are you going to do without your precious amulet?" He mimicked.
He grinned, pulling a book out of a bookshelf. "Ohohohoh… You'll see. You'll see." He looked at the cover, which displayed a golden six-fingered hand with a "2" on it.
Far away, both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash twitched. They exchanged glances.
"How'd you get that?" Pinkie said, confused. "You don't have Pinkie Sense…"
"No…" Rainbow said, looking at Journal 3. "But I do have this… I wonder what it means?"
Pinkie, with a faraway look, spoke in a monotone voice. "That plot is coming…"
"What?"
"Dashie you seriously aren't going to make a butt joke about that remark?"
Rainbow Dash was completely bewildered. "I. Wait. What? Plot? But. Uh…" She shook her head. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"AB-SO-LUTELY NOTHING!" Pinkie said, grinning.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, not thinking more of it.
"So. Uh. This is awkward. Today's the day one of you is supposed to get a crush on Wendy, or at least reveal it to everyone." Stan said, looking at all six of them awkwardly. "Uh…"
Everyone stared back at him blankly.
Pinkie spoke first. "I PUT FORTH APPLEJACK AS TRIBUTE TO WENDY!"
"PINKIE!" Applejack yelled. "You do realize there are TWO problems with that right? One, I don't want to. TWO, she's the older sister of Apple Bloom this loop! IT'D BE LIKE DATING MYSELF!"
"Aw okay…" Pinkie said, dejected.
Twilight frowned. "Isn't she like three years older than us? In this age range that generally isn't an accepted thing…"
Stan shrugged. "I said nothing about her returning the affection."
"Ah. Tragic and overused plot line."
"Tell me about it." Stan said, proceeding to choke on some Pitt Cola. "Anyway, you kids probably want to join Wendy and her friends in their little outing. Go forth and have fun."
Rainbow Dash and Twilight shrugged. Why not.
"STAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs as the entire abandoned convenience store's gravity went upside down.
"I'm going to punch him when we get back." Rainbow Dash muttered.
Wendy looked at the two of them. "What's he got to do with this?"
"Uh…" The two of them said, trying to think of a way out of this,
A possessed Fluttershy quickly provided a distraction by blowing up a shelf full of popcorn.
"Okay okay…" Twilight said, thinking hard. "There's probably some reason behind this and we have to be able to solve this without sending Pinkie crazy…"
Rainbow Dash quickly flipped through the Journal. "Um… There's some stuff in here about using a silver mirror…"
"Yeah I don't think that's going to work." Twilight muttered. "Since we have no silver mirrors."
"Check your Pocket."
"Oh… Wait. I've got it. What was everyone else doing when they were… "haunted?""
"Being sarcastic? Cellphone?"
"TEENAGER STUFF!"
"So—" Rainbow Dash blinked. "It can't be that simple. No. It can't."
Twilight poked her head out. "HEY GHOST!"
"YES?" Not-Fluttershy said, turning a full 180 with the head.
"I'M NOT A TEENAGER!"
"OH I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT. YOUR MIND IS VERY IMPRESSIVE, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE THAT YOUNG."
"Oh. Great. The one time being a Looper is a disadvantage-"
"WHAT THE HECK IS A LOOPER?" Wendy asked.
"Uh…" Rainbow Dash said, looking around nervously. "How about we just agree that that'd take too long to explain and just scar your mind more than it already is?"
"Ah." Wendy responded.
Twilight was quickly levitated by the ghost, and… just vanished.
Rainbow Dash blinked. Twilight would have at least tried to defend herself at that point. How did the ghost—
Pinkie roared, revving up a pink flaming chainsaw. "ALL RIGHT GHOST! This is an exorcist's old weapon from something so long ago you couldn't even comprehend the eon! AND I WILL USE IT TO SEVER YOU FROM FLUTTERSHY!"
"WON'T THAT HURT HER?"
"Eh probably but she's been through worse."
"YOU WILL NOT USE IT!" It said, snapping Fluttershy's fingers (in such a way that made them break). The chainsaw vanished.
Pinkie began to light herself on pink fire. Her voice deepened. "You are going to regret—"
"Wait!" A little voice said, running into the room. Apple Bloom fell to the floor, Sweetie and Scootaloo close behind her. "These are our friends! Please don't hurt them! We're just kids!"
Fluttershy was instantly dropped and a pair of old ghosts appeared. "Oh just wonderful! Children! Hello there!"
"Hi!" Sweetie said, suddenly not as afraid. "Yeah can you not hurt them? Please? They're nice…"
"And one of em's mah sister!" Apple Bloom yelled.
The two ghosts frowned. "We could let them go… if you did a cute dance and song."
The Mystery Crusader's eyes lit up. They asked for the ghosts to give them their special costumes…
"TAKE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS OUT OF HERE! THAT RACKET WAS WORSE THAN RAP MUSIC! WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH CHILDREN THESE DAYS?"
The teenagers, mane 6, and Mystery Crusaders left the building running. Some from the horrible racket that the Mystery Crusaders had let out rather than the ghosts themselves. (Twilight hated that song. Every time it appeared, it was just bad. Not even the Looping crusaders could seem to sing that song well, although they hadn't tried that much.)
After they paused to take a breath, everyone began laughing.
"THAT. WAS. AWESOME!" Wendy yelled, high fiving some of the guys. Rainbow Dash whooped and Pinkie ate an entire packet of Smile Dip.
Fear struck Twilight's heart. Oh no…
For the moment, however, Pinkie didn't explode. That wouldn't last long though.
The teens were happy. The Mystery Crusaders were happy. Everyone was happy and laughing and having a good time.
Except Robbie, the annoying guitar player guy.
"Look at these kids! They're just lame kids who got us into a big mess!"
"Um…" Wendy said, cocking her head. "As I recall they saved us."
"Whatever." Robbie muttered.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. What a dolt.
She quickly turned to the Mystery Crusaders. "Now… what were you three doing there?"
"Uh… Uh…" Apple Bloom said, trying to think of a way out.
"We were watching you!" Sweetie said, grinning.
"Why?"
"MYSTERIES!"
Rainbow Dash sighed. "It's likely going to get dangerous. Please stop watching us. And Scootaloo?"
"Yeah?"
"Stop drawing pictures of me in that notebook while I'm talking. Actually just stop it."
"What? But how did you know?"
"Maybe I'm psychic." Rainbow Dash said, grinning. "Now stop watching us. We don't like to be spied on…"
Fluttershy walked up. "I mean, we forgive you, but it is a little creepy…"
The three hung their heads. "We're sorry…"
"Oh don't be sad…" Fluttershy said. "You can hang out with us now! I'm sure everyone's really happy you saved them."
The three crusaders looked at the group laughing and having fun. "Ya think so?"
"I know so."
"YIPPEE!"
At that point, the Smile Dip settled into the consciousness of Pinkie. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH I WANT MY CHAINSAW BACK!"
Everyone stared blankly as the abandoned store went up in flames.
"We're not gonna to spy for ya' anymore." Apple Bloom said, looking up. "It's rude and they're nice people."
"Rainbow Dash is coooooool…" Scootaloo said, trying hard to resist the urge to sketch.
"Basically, we're lettin ya do yer own work. We won't tell on ya though, yer nice enough for that."
"But we're going." Sweetie said. "You do your own thing."
As the Mystery Crusaders walked off to join their suddenly large circle of friends, their "employer" frowned.
Lyra folded up a large mint-green journal engraved with a design of two five-fingered hands.
She supposed she'd have to investigate on her own now.
All the better.
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22.6 (GMBlackjack): [My Little Pony] / [Gravity Falls] - also compiled in MLP Time Loops as Loop 171.6 continued.
Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic 6: The Diner
Rainbow Dash stumbled into the Diner, clothing in tatters and looking like a haggard mess. Her wings were manifested, although folded up.
The patrons of the diner gave her a glance, but quickly got back to their coffee. It was way too early in the morning to deal with a harpie.
And it wasn't like they'd remember any of this in an hour anyway.
Rainbow sat down with the rest of the 6 and Stan.
"Uh… Rainbow?"
"Yes Stan?"
"The only thing you're wearing for a top is a big leaf."
"I had to go with what I could find."
Rarity blinked. "You do keep extra clothing in your Pocket right dear?"
Rainbow sighed. "Went through all five outfits today."
"What on earth were you doing?"
"Well Stan remember when I was trying to karate chop that plank of wood?"
"And you failed miserably?"
"I still think it was rigged."
Stan grinned. "So what if it was? You needed a lesson in humility."
"Uh-huh yeah. So I stormed off into the forest punching trees down and stuff…" Rainbow went on, taking the smoothie Derpy Hooves managed to bring to the booth without anything breaking in a spectacular fashion. After quick slurk, she continued. "And then I sorta got involved with some manataurs in a bit of a manliness tester…"
"HOLE OF PAIN!"
"I CAN TAKE PAIN!"
"ACROSS A GORGE!"
"I CAN HAVE WINGS!"
"MUSCLES!"
"I HAVE WING MUSCLES!"
"WRESTLING!"
"TAKE THAT MANATAUR!"
"WARPAINT!"
"AAAAAAAAA!"
"DRAMATIC SHIRT SHREDDING!"
RIIIIIP!
"ONE HIT KNOCK-OUTS!"
PUNCH.
"YELLING FOR NO REASON!"
"AAAAAAAAA (reprise)"
"EPIC TRAINING TAPE"
"THIS SOUNDS LAME!"
"DRAMATIC CRITICISM!"
"THIS SOUNDS LAME!"
"Tea Party."
"SMASH ALL DISHES!"
"…Then of course I was told to, for the final test, kill the Multibear beast. Turns out he's a nice guy, even if he does have odd music tastes. So I returned and told the manataurs that I wouldn't do their dirty work." Rainbow guzzled the rest of the smoothie. "Then. Well. I went back and announced that I wouldn't do anything to the bear. Then…"
"What are you some kind of girl?" Tirek, king of manataurs roared.
"ACTUALLY YES!" Rainbow said, grinning, pulling the only dress (and last outfit) she had out of her Pocket. "TAH-DAH!"
Gasps were heard around the group.
"Man you guys are stupid." Rainbow observed.
"But.. But…" Pupitaur said. "How? HOW ARE YOU SO AWESOME!"
"FEMALES CANNOT BE AWESOME!"
"RUN MY BROTHERS! RUN FROM THE ABOMINATION!"
Tirek stood, glaring at Rainbow Dash before enveloping her in flame.
"…and that's what happened to my dress. My other outfits were consumed by the tests. Two by the hole of pain."
Stan rolled his eyes. "That was dumb."
"I know." Rainbow Dash said, grinning. "I now know I can pass a manliness test."
"You didn't take out the Multibear—"
"I did bring them a T-rex head."
Stan blinked. "…Fair enough." He said, chugging some Pitt Cola. (He had long ago mastered the art of swallowing the pit.)
Lazy Susan walked up to them, saying "WINK!" while looking at Stan. She giggled. He laughed nervously.
Rainbow Dash's face turned into a sly one. "Oh? Oh what's this? What exactly is happening-?"
"I told the Pinkie and Rarity that I didn't want to get hooked up with her this time!"
"Oh darling…" Rarity said, a bit sheepishly. "But she seemed perfect at the moment…"
Twilight blinked. "What is WITH everyone and playing MATCHMAKER this Loop?"
"Demonic influence?" Pinkie offered, her eyes going completely white.
Stan blinked. "Just to be clear, she's NOT a demon. Right?"
"Oh no of course not." Rarity said, smiling.
"She's just a Goddess of Chaos." Fluttershy said.
Stan took a spit-take, launching the Pitt into Fluttershy, knocking her out cold.
"TWENTY MANLINESS POINTS!" Rainbow yelled.
Stan backed away slowly. "You don't mean… one of THOSE Chaos Gods? Please no." Stan said, backing away, bad memories flashing across his mind.
"I take it you've been to 40k then?" Twilight asked.
Stan turned to glare. "I. Absolutely. Hate. Those. Guys."
"Oh the looping ones are much nicer…" Fluttershy offered.
"Can it Empress." Stan grumbled. "WHAT is SHE?"
Pinkie stood on the table in front of Stan. "I am Pinkamena Diane Pie Pines, Chaos Goddess of Parties, Fun Lord of the Sith, The One Who Sends Shoggoths Gibbering in Terror, the Joy of Faust, the One with Cosmic Pinkie Sense, the One who is Sometimes Made of Cotton Candy, the Pink One of Many Skills, Seer of ALL and BEYOND, The Koopa King's Former Roommate, Part-Time Eldritch Abomination, and I am here to SPREAD PARTIES!"
Stan just stared, unblinking. After what seemed like many long minutes, he spoke.
"So, worse then?"
"ABSOLUTELY!"
Stan turned to Twilight. "Yeah. She's the second most terrifying thing I've ever met."
"What's the first?"
"You'll find out." Stan said, his face clouding ominously.
"I already know." Pinkie said, staring deep into Stan's soul.
"Yep. This just got weird. Goooodbye." Stan said, standing up and walking out.
The mane six were left in the diner. "So…" Applejack said. "Anyone got a new shirt for Rainbow?"
"The leaf functions just fine." Rainbow said in a huff. "I can survive on my own clothing skills."
Applejack blinked. "Uh-huh. Yeah. You do realize that there's a caterpillar on it slowly eating it away."
"FIIIIIIIIIINE."
"Ooh!" Pinkie said, grinning. "I have just the thing!"
And that was how Rainbow Dash ended up wearing a pink sweater.
Stan walked out of the diner, breathing heavily.
That pink girl. That pink girl was just… bringing back many bad memories.
He was fully aware old loopers had really impressive resumes and he was fully aware that Pinkie wasn't listing even a small percentage of what she knew. He had heard about her, the Looper who was able to retain many many many abilities between loops. The party pony. The creature that had only one purpose in existence: to party.
That wasn't what concerned him. (Although his rather unpleasant experiences with the other Chaos Gods had been horrid, he could at least understand them after a bit of thought.)
The vast majority of people he came across he could understand, analyze, figure out how to swindle or otherwise.
Pinkie defied that. However, plenty of people out-swindled him throughout the Loops.
No - What concerned him is the WAY she did it. Complete randomness. A look of all-knowing. Staring into spaces where there was nothing, and somehow knowing too much. A mind that is always working, continually plotting things out. A mental state that seemed random, but couldn't be, because it got so much done.
She was a being of nigh-unimaginable power.
And she had a mind frame suspiciously close to that of Stan's enemy…
Lyra sat at the diner, observing. She was sitting at the same table as Berry Punch and Bon Bon, carrying on a conversation of sorts. In reality, she was just trying to look like she was. She had discussed with Bon Bon the art of pretend conversation. Bon Bon was controlling the topic, and Lyra was nodding and apparently fixated on the conversation. Berry Punch was there as an unwitting part of the plan: she was drunk as a skunk and was talking louder than a wolf howled, and Bon Bon was responding. With the three-way dynamic of conversation leader, crazy drunk, and quiet responder, it looked like they were having a very in-depth conversation to the casual observer.
Lyra was, in reality, scribbling in her Journal under the table. (She had long ago mastered writing without looking at the paper.) And was making note of Rainbow Dash's… well, wings. Not to mention that the girl was all beat up like she'd just been through a trial.
Lyra pondered this. Possible run in with the manataurs? Multibear? Nah the Multibear was a nice guy. Bit odd taste for music though…
Pinkie and Twilight were the other ones she was watching closely. She had caught Twilight using magic effortlessly, which should be impossible. Everything Lyra ever found needed some form of energy conversion, and more often than not an incantation of some sort. From what she observed Twilight had just used magic with no outward change, no loss of energy… Perhaps she just wasn't using enough or had some kind of magi crystal?
Then there was Pinkie.
Lyra had forty pages on Pinkie.
She still understood nothing.
Pink fire seemed to be a theme with her, as were the party cannons. She was either the most friendly person ever, or the most ominous. Lyra didn't get it.
The other three, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity seemed more or less normal. Lyra suspected she just hadn't found out what they were capable of yet.
As the six of them walked out of the diner, Lyra folded up her book. "Bon Bon, let's go."
Bon Bon nodded.
The two left Berry Punch (drunk as a skunk) talking to nothing.
They walked out, carefully avoiding the red-hooded men surrounding the diner…
Ylen naq Fjrrgvr Qebcf fubhyq ernyyl gunax Oreel Chapu...
22.7 (GMBlackjack): [My Little Pony] / [Gravity Falls] - also compiled in MLP Time Loops as Loop 174.12.
Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic 7: Guitars and Dancers and PINKIES!
"Duplicating copy machine." Twilight said, observing the rundown machine before her. "I would question how it's still functional in this state, but you'd all probably just say—"
"MAAAAAAGIIIIIIC!" Pinkie said, spreading her hands out slowly.
Fluttershy looked at the thing, blinking. "So… what are we going to do with it again?"
Twilight took out some random sciencey tool from her Pocket. "We are, of course, going to do SCIENCE to it."
"What else?" Pinkie said, grinning. "I'll grab the soap bars!"
Fluttershy blinked. "Why would we need soap bars…?"
"Reasons!" Pinkie said, depositing several dozen bars of soap on the floor. Then she blinked. "OH NO! I have to help with the party today! I can't do both at the same time!"
Slowly, the pink pony-turned-human angled her head towards the beat up copy machine.
"No, Pinkie." Twilight said. "That's just a bad idea."
"Okay Twilight." Pinkie grinned. "I'll just clone myself the regular way then!"
Twilight blinked. "You can't be serious—"
Stan was slightly disturbed.
Pinkie was everywhere. Even more everywhere than usual. She was in the bathroom, in the rafters, outside planting things, on the roof hanging streamers. He knew he should have called off the party, but he'd decided to go with it. Go as baseline as possible…
Now the entire Mystery Shack had balloons. Everywhere. And cannons filled with (he hoped) confetti.
Confound those ponies, they were driving him to—
"BOO!" Pinkie said, causing Stan to fall backwards onto his back. "Did I getcha? I gotcha! WHOO! Here have a cupcake."
"Uh…"
Seconds later she came back. "Hey, did I pass through here a while ago?"
Stan blinked. "Uh…" He blinked, an idea coming to him. "Oh. Yes, just a ways to the left." She grinned, bouncing off.
Stan quickly jumped into the back room, checking the duplicating copy machine. Long ago he had discovered how to see what exactly it had copied recently. So if it showed Pinkie getting copied…
He looked at the records. There was no mention of copying Pinkie Pie. What was there, however…
"Thirty metric tons of soap? What on earth?"
Soos was playing on the keyboard. "Soos is best DJ." He said, hitting the explosion key over and over again.
Rainbow Dash leapt over. "So…. keyboard. What other sounds does it make aside from "boom?""
"A dawg, it can make all sorts of noises! Like blood curdling zombie screams!"
"Cooooool."
"And, of course…" Soos dramatically raised his hand, pointed his finger, and pressed down on the key. The speakers let out a "Ye-AH!"
"Yes!" Soos said, grinning.
Rainbow Dash blinked. "Okay then. So what's the plan for the party, exactly?"
"Dance off slash karaoke!" Soos grinned. "There'll be a bunch of punch and the dancers will dance till the house falls down!"
Rainbow Dash leaned in. "Want to make it more interesting?" She said, producing a guitar from her Pocket.
"Woah dude where'd you get that?"
"The seat cushion over there, you just didn't see it. Now, how's about instead of just a dance-off…"
Pinkie smiled at the party. She was proud of her work. And Stan was still fretting internally about how she had managed to do it.
Or maybe he was fretting about the thirty metric tons of soap. It wasn't like she read his mind or anything. Perhaps she should…
Applejack was nearby, a little bored. She wasn't really into the party, so she had kinda just sat next to the wall. She was trying to get into that perfect position where she could have her hat over her eyes, lean effortlessly against the wall, and fall asleep without anyone noticing. It was a skill she had developed.
"…Hi." A small girl in a green shirt next to her said. "Are you attempting the ancient art of sleeping while standing?"
Applejack blinked, turning to the girl. "Uh… yeah. Howd'ya know?"
"I have tried it many times myself, though to no avail. It is why I have a headache today." She giggled. "I'm Candy. The large one behind me with the iguana is Grenda. And the one behind her is… Uh…."
"Lyra Heartstrings." Lyra said, walking up to shake Applejack's hand. Applejack took it, not giving it a second thought.
"So what are y'all doing here?"
Grenda pounded her chest. "I'M HERE FOR THE PUNCH!"
"Grenda it does not involve any actual punching." Candy reminded her large friend.
"I DON'T CARE. I WILL MAKE IT HAVE PUNCHES!"
"CAN IT HAVE TACOS?" Sonata shouted from the background. Nobody listened to her. She became dejected.
Candy shrugged. "She is a bit over the top. I am here to watch her."
Lyra shrugged. "I'm just here because party. You don't get many parties in Gravity Falls."
Applejack twitched. Her Element of Honesty had suggested something was up here. A half-truth. "Really?"
"Well I suppose the Northwests organize a party every year or so, but nobody lets them in. And the rest of the 'parties' are just people messing with Old Man McGucket…"
The old man in question let out a yell and started dancing hillbilly style. "I can't feel my legs! It makes it so much more interesting!"
Applejack blinked. "Mmkay then… Anyway I'm just goin' to be sittin' here till the end—"
"Oh look what the poor wretches dragged in!" A blonde girl said, stepping up to the four of them. "Look at all you pathetic losers! You know, you're not good enough for even this party!"
"I live in this place, ma'am." Applejack retorted.
"Oh look. Excuses. How quaint. Nice accent by the way. Sure to attract all the best hillbilly guys."
"I CAN ATTEST THAT IT WORKS!" McGucket yelled, now unable to move his legs.
The blonde girl chuckled. "But you're new, so I'll give you a pass this once. I'm Pacifica Northwest, and what I say is law. And I say that the four of you are cramping the style of this already substandard party—"
Pinkie ran right up to Pacifica. "Did. You. Just. Say. Substandard. Party?"
"Did you really think this was a good party? I mean the balloons are tacky, the house is falling apart, and what on earth are those cannons even for?"
"FOR PARTIES!" Pinkie said, growling. She slowly backed away. "I have my eyes on you. All of them."
Applejack really hoped that Pinkie didn't bring out any of her Eyes of Chaos…
Pacifica turned back to them. "Now, all of you get off. Shoo. We don't need you cluttering up the place."
Candy and Grenda sighed. "We suppose you are right…." They began to turn away, dejected.
Pacifica was about to leave when Applejack stomped her foot on the ground. "I won't stand for this." She muttered. "These three just want to have a nice party and enjoy their time here! You've obviously made it your mission to make them and others feel worthless. Well let me tell you something; Miss Northwest, you are nothing more than a petty rich girl who just thinks she can stomp all over everyone. Well I won't stand for that, Miss Northwest. I'm not budging. They are staying."
Pacifica glared. "Where did your accent go?"
"I happen to think you're one of those shallow types who listen to accents rather than actual words."
"Who on earth would choose to talk like that?"
"People like me who like who they are." Applejack glared. "And I have a feeling that you are secretly a little insecure about yourself."
Pacifica glared. "You know what—"
Her thoughts were cut short when Soos let out the announcement. "And now, we have our karaoke dance off! But our great friend Rainbow Dash has suggested that we make things more interesting! So, instead of just a simple dance, there will be teams! There will be someone playing an instrument and someone singing! Do whatever you want, but prepare for awesome music battle! I realize that it's kinda no longer karaoke, but just treat it like something that makes life more interesting, downs!"
Rainbow Dash leapt up to the stage, holding her guitar up high. "I'll play music! Who's dancing? I hear Pacifica, the dancing queen, is in the audience!"
Applejack smirked, turning to Pacifica. "How about we settle this in a little competition? Or do you even have anyone willing to play music for you?"
Pacifica snapped her fingers. "SUNSET! Play the guitar!"
Applejack watched as unAwake Sunset walked up, strumming a guitar. "Of course, Pacifica." She grinned menacingly.
Applejack leapt up to the stage, grinning. "Rainbow, you and me versus the two of them. Let's do it."
Rainbow Dash blinked. Applejack wasn't talking in countryisms. It wasn't hard to tell why.
Okay… throw out giving other people even a chance at winning. We're going to give them the utter and complete awesome beat down!
Sunset strummed her guitar, and the competition began.
To be fair, Pacifica and Sunset did pretty good. Pacifica wasn't just some rich kid who won because they were rich, she did have some skills. And every version of Sunset ever met knew how to play the guitar with at least some skill.
If Applejack and Rainbow Dash hadn't been Loopers, they would have been beaten.
However….
Rainbow Dash moved her fingers across the strings of the guitar faster than was physically possible, making it sound like she was playing two of the instruments at once. Applejack performed a bunch of exceedingly complex dancing maneuvers, purposefully avoiding bucking and other "uncivilized" and/or "hillbilly" moves. She was going to beat this rich girl at her own game. She even used complex ballet maneuvers. Everyone stared as she did continually more intricate maneuvers. At one point, Rainbow dash "ponied-up," but people didn't pay much attention to this. Applejack's dance was just so.. surprisingly graceful. Of course this was the entire point.
When it ended, Applejack did a dainty bow, turning up to grin right at Pacifica. "How's that, miss Northwest?"
Pacifica's eye twitched. "You… You…"
"Now that wasn't even my best performance." Applejack walked right up to Pacifica. "Now, miss Northwest, I can be just as uptight and proper as you. I just choose not ta'" She returned to her normal voice. "And that's jus' fine with me. Now SOOS! How'd we do?"
Soos leapt up, yelling like a monkey. "THAT WAS A HEATED BATTLE DUDES! Now, the team who gets the most applause will win! Let's hear it for.. Rainbow Dash and Applejack!"
The clapping for the two Loopers was astounding, loud, and everywhere. Candy and Grenda clapped profusely. Lyra simply took notes on what had just transpired on the notebook she had behind her back.
"Now let's hear it for Pacifica and Sunset!"
The clapping for the two of them was small, and seemed forced. Pacifica steamed, pulling a roll of hundred dollar bills out of her pocket and waving them in the air. The amount of people clapping increased, but in the end, it wasn't even close. She seethed.
"So." Applejack said, walking up. "Can ya' see that you aren't the best simply because you're more civilized? Can you also see that some people like it down here where there aren't so many fancy rituals and shenanigans? Like forks. I could never understand the fascination with forks…"
Pacifica glared. "You were just faking. You don't actually have any status!"
Applejacks eyes sparked. "You have no idea, Pacifica."
She glared. "Come on girls! We're leaving!" She began to storm out.
She didn't make it far, as suddenly several dozen Pinkie Pies ran into the dance room.
"THE SOAP PILE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!" One of them yelled.
"EVERYONE FIND SOME COVER!" A second said.
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" A third said.
The real Pinkie Pie blinked. She was sure she'd gotten rid of all the clones…
Then of course the soap exploded.
It was later discovered that Twilight had taken a Pinkie clone for study with the soap. She did SCIENCE with the soap, Pinkie clone, and the duplicating copy machine. She let the three things sit in a closet while she read some stuff from the Journal.
Said "stuff" was a spell that made things work at optimum efficiency. The copier copied, the pinkie clones got more… pink…, and the soap exceeded critical mass and exploded.
Twilight still wasn't sure how that was possible, but she decided further experimentation simply wasn't worth it. Perhaps in another Kerbal Space Program loop she'd try it as a new type of rocket fuel.
Lyra, of course, recorded everything.
Wkh vluhqv zhuh rqfh d phqdfh, exw Vrqdwd mxvw zdqwhg wdfrv.
Compiler's note:: Well, that was a thing.