Kirk was exhausted at the end of the day, crossing into his home doorway with more work he cared to look at. Riley had cornered him before his afternoon departure and he agreed to take his aide's load of Starfleet nonsense. With such a heavy heart, he felt it was would be no distraction. To find that, he called McCoy and asked him to meet him at his apartment. The doctor hesitated before agreement.

And so it was that McCoy found Kirk sitting by his fireplace drinking an hour after the admiral settled down. The door closed behind the doctor and he immediately drew himself towards his friend, knowing that this was more than a typical house call. He sat in the opposite chair and waited until Kirk spoke. McCoy did not expect him to talk much. The expressions on Kirk's face told more than how his day went. The admiral appeared as if he had seen a ghost.

Finally, after some minutes had passed, Kirk sat up, placing his drink on a side table. "How's Alyssa?"

"I thought you'd never ask." McCoy was smug in his reply. He adjusted his attitude and tried to be serious. "Doctor and patient privilege extended to you with her permission. Currently, she is under overnight observation pending release in the morning. I did not like her vital signs."

"What do you mean? What's happening to her?"

"Jim, you know that she has that damned radiation poisoning from Synprilox. It's a slow kill. Because she did not take her medication and was bouncing from one station to another, she got tired."

"What about today? Did we make it worse?"

"No. It's the disease. I'm glad we caught it. She slipped in and out of consciousness for a few hours. After she woke up, she protested that she needed to go home to her family. I had to make sure that dragon of hers was aware and watching her daughter before she was satisfied with the arrangement and stayed in bed."

Kirk nodded. "I see."

"Magda mentioned you visited Ali earlier," McCoy ventured. This might have been Kirk's problem and he wanted to explore it head-on. "What made you feel so obligated?"

"Somebody had to tell the girl that her mother was in Sickbay," Kirk said. "I didn't want a stranger telling her."

"Jim, you're also curious."

"I can't deny that accusation. How can you tell, Bones?"

"Wouldn't a man who had not seen his daughter since she was a month old be curious to see her grown?"

Kirk glanced at McCoy with his mouth agape, for the second time that day shaken. He wasn't going to tell himself that the truth was a lie. McCoy wasn't one to sugarcoat anything either. On the other hand, he had told himself for so many years that Ali was not his child and that she was safer with her mother, to make that separation easier to cope with for both of them. After hearing about their misadventures in Synprilox and how they nearly died, he was unable to control his emotions any longer. He had to take the helm somewhere and home was the best place for control.

"A man who does not have a heart." Kirk did not want to chart his feelings yet, trying to change the topic and finding that he could not stray too far from the center matter. "A man who could not bear to see the woman he loves shattered and their family battered down by a weight they should not have."

"Jim, you and Alyssa stood by this decision to ensure both of your surviving. She took the blame." McCoy was tired of explaining this to Kirk. This had been through this conversation before eleven years ago and the repeat was annoying. "You both said so. I heard Alyssa. She knew it would ruin you, her and the children. She saw Ryder and Ali used as bait if someone knew."

"People suspected anyway. Starfleet inquired into it when they cared. Lori knew from the beginning."

"Your beloved admiral also did not care."

Kirk was wounded to be reminded of the wife he took for a short time. He was still traumatized by her death only a handful of years previous, watching her die in a transporter accident. "She did and let it go because she wanted me to be happy. It was a game, Bones. She wanted me to do her bidding and place me under her thumb, but it turned into a position and a marriage I could not stand after a year. I completed the arrangement with no hard feelings. After she…"

"Yes, after she was killed, you were free of her and her magic. But from what, Admiral? From your desk duties? Or forever securing yourself? You could have gone back to Alyssa if you two weren't so damned stubborn or if the Synprilox situation was better handled. She would have welcomed you back."

"And still risk the children? No. I could not do it. Ryder and Ali were safer in her hands, I thought. Now that I know more about Synprilox, the possibilities remained."

"See? You still care. Ryder was not your blood son, but you sure as hell treated him like one."

"I did." He paused. "Ali…she was like a reflection in the mirror. She looks and acts like Alyssa mostly."

"The features are too subtle to notice," McCoy reassured him. "Hair color maybe. But you're right. Mostly, Ali does look like Alyssa. Intellect comes from both of you."

"What do you mean? It'd be more her than me."

"I beg to disagree, Jim. Alyssa has the smarts and sees the whole picture, but she's also part instigator, which makes it worse. You have a duel personality that causes you to work from both sides, negative and positive, without trying to cause trouble if you don't need to. Ali has the same commanding presence you possess."

Kirk ignored the assessment. "She asked me who her father was."

"Did you tell her?" McCoy leaned in.

"I only informed her that her father was an officer on the Enterprise and served with her mother."

"You indirectly told her the truth then."

"In a manner, yes. I did not name myself." Kirk paused, trying to collect himself. He felt something akin to pride and pushed it one side. "Dammit, Bones, you cannot lie to this girl. Just talking with her made me feel like I was stripped naked in front of her. She could see through my words and read into my thoughts."

McCoy hooted in merriment, relaxing back into his chair. "Ali has always been like that. Don't give it any mind. Get past it. There's a scared child underneath that layer."

"How did you do it?" Kirk reached for his glass again and gulped a large amount before placing it next to him once more. He offered McCoy his own from the bottle on the floor, but the doctor declined. "She runs you over and plays enough games to make your head spin."

"Give Ali some time, Jim. She just moved to a new planet, met some hobgoblins she never thought existed, and had to continue to be on her toes. It's natural for the kid not to trust someone she just met and spin a few heads. After a childhood like hers, I can't blame her."

"If I could have changed it…if I had gone back to Alyssa maybe…been more involved with Synprilox…"

"You wouldn't. The great admiral moving mountains for a family not acknowledged before? No. You and Alyssa have a lot of enemies, most of them willing to take out anyone related to you. She alone had the strength and position. You made the right decision then and you still are now."

Kirk sighed. "But at what cost? Now, someone meshed us together. She is supposed to be protecting me and she brings along the family. Me? What could I possibly have except this bitterness? To be near her and not talk to her?"

McCoy understood. He could not count the years he spent apart from his ex-wife and their daughter. That alone was the most hurtful part of being divorced and away from someone you love. He did have feelings for the woman who he married and bore him a child. At the same time, he felt being away was the best decision for everyone. She had custody of their daughter Joanna and made it clear that he was not welcome after betraying him.

He always visited when he could, especially when he had no assignment or was on shore leave, but to be so close and not to have contact was sometimes unbearable. His relationship with Joanna was distant at best and that had been his greatest regret. His visits to her had been fraught with arguments, most of them about her career. Since her mother hardly paid any attention, it was difficult to manage a child and then a teenager with impulsive manners. Since joining Starfleet though, Joanna had calmed down and established a better ties with her father, although the past remained taboo.

Even with the similarities, McCoy could not tell Kirk how to handle his own daughter. His circumstances had been different from the admiral's ever were. McCoy's solution had been diving into his work and avoiding fights with his ex-wife. Kirk? Well, his benefit to Starfleet had been sitting in a center chair commanding a flying computer console. He was not meant to be some hotshot know-it-all sitting on his laurels and listening to peace conferences while the woman he loved was close by and dying and his daughter needed him.

"I can't dictate to you the terms and conditions of relationships, Jim," McCoy concluded, feeling like a failure as a friend. Even his conscience had no answers. "But I know this much is true. I can't describe to you how painful it is to watch the ones you love get on with their lives without you. The best you can do for yourself is to keep a careful distance. Be a parent if you can. Talk to Alyssa and tell her how you feel. Maybe this is the chance to admit to Ali that you're her father. You need to face this sometime. You can't let it continue to haunt you."

"A laidback feat for you." Kirk felt this was easier said than done. "Your ex-wife is still alive and hates you. For all I know, Alyssa could be dying soon. There's nothing I can do about it, whether she loves me or not."

~00~

It had been a tough first week. Inspections, dinner parties and even meet-and-greets wore Kirk down and his patience was thin. He was bored and lacked the necessary stimulation that would have made this more bearable. While present company was always charming and quite polite (even the chancellor had her moments of drunken fun at night), the undertone was quite the opposite. The admiral missed relaxing and longed for people he was comfortable with.

The only person Kirk mostly thought about in his waking hours was never with him. He had not seen Alyssa much since arriving and spending an hour with her drinking coffee the first morning. She had been busy herself and he could not blame her. Honestly, he never asked her what her exact duties were. He only assumed that she was running ragged for Starfleet with the huge responsibility on her shoulders and did not have time to entertain him constantly.

He didn't mind since it meant order and a well-oiled machine. There was always something to do in a quiet house at night, usually quiet contemplation and perhaps perusing Alyssa's literary section in her office (with permission from her to enter when he pleased for physical reading material). During those times, the admiral most dealt with Magda, the nursemaid that Alyssa previously mentioned beforehand. She was strict, he had to admit to himself, and very proper too, like life was always a series of perfect steps and the wrong one would spell out horrible consequences.

She handled Ryder in a way that demonstrated those qualities too. While the boy was hardly seen except in shadows or the occasional yelling, Magda usually kept him out of sight and out of mind. Kirk assumed that daytime hours were spent studying since it was said Ryder was extremely intelligent and imaginative. However, even at night, the admiral did not see him or hear a peek. If Alyssa was not home (which had characterized his first week), Magda brought dinner to Kirk in his room and catered to his needs. Anything downstairs was as quiet as an old Christian church.

Towards the beginning of his second week, Kirk felt a little lonesome and resolved to keep the blues away. That day, he endured the next series of assignments with grace before settling in for the night in his room. Having privacy at last, he sat down the table and switched on the communications com. He requested on screen to the USS Juniper orbiting above him to patch him through to Admiral Ciana on Earth. His request was obliged. After some minutes of patiently waiting, he reached her.

Lori was sitting at her desk, signing something on her tablet when she accepted the communication. "Jim!" she exclaimed, surprised. "How are things?"

"As fine as they can be under the circumstances," he replied. He found that he was irritated with her for acting so normally when he was away, an irrational feeling he knew was illogical. "So far, so good. Relations seems a little off, but I am still investigating. What else do you need to know about the first seven days?"

Lori set aside the tablet, ticking off a list on her slim fingers. She already had an agenda. "Any unusual plans? People? Other visitors to the planet other than traders? Starfleet security team off?"

"None of the above." Kirk was a little nervous about revealing this sort of information before returning with his report. He referred to his antics, not business, and being interrogated and on the spot about the latter was unnerving. "All is quiet here."

"Good, good. Anything on Commander Elma?"

"What do you mean?"

"There isn't anything she said or did that would question her loyalty? Is there anything suspicious about her?"

"I have hardly seen her. In the times I did, nothing indicated she was conducting treason, if that is what you're referring to."

This got Lori thinking, but she hid her exact calculations from Kirk. She drew back on her smiling mask. "I'm sure Starfleet is keeping her busy. We'll talk about that later. Anything else?"

"Nothing else. I achieved what I aimed for – a smiling face."

Lori was stunned by the flattered remark and returned to the topic. "Report to me on Synprilox's politics later. It's too late to figure out that mess. Call me in the morning if you can. Ciana out."

Oddly enough, this did not make Kirk feel any better. He was uneasy, unsure of how to deal with the possibility that he was under the roof of a traitor. Lori made it clear that there was a chance that Alyssa was betraying Starfleet and her oath as an officer. It was a preposterous notion. Kirk could not imagine a worse person to commit treachery. Alyssa was honest. She would only keep certain things to herself in order to save people.

Dimly, he recalled that time Alyssa almost faced that possibility and escaped it as an unwilling victim of circumstance. Admiral Uriah had kidnapped her after killing her husband and brought her to the future, where he used her as a love slave and eventual companion until transferring her was his last choice. Starfleet allowed her to stay with them because of the extraordinary way she managed to become that officer and faced adversary in danger. She had nothing left in her old life in old Earth year 2012 anyway.

Downstairs, he heard some noise. He decided to investigate it, quietly sneaking past his guards and seeing the door open just in time for Alyssa to come in. As he stood on the bottom stair, she entered, ordering the lights on. Initially, her back was to him. When she weakly turned around, what he saw shocked him.

Kirk rushed forward. "Commander, are you all right?" The admiral was alarmed, grabbing Alyssa before she fell.

Alyssa had been beaten. Her tan uniform was ripped and dirtied. Her hair had been pulled apart and ripped in some spots. One eye had been swollen shut and her lower lip split open in an ugly pout. As she collapsed into Kirk's arms, she clenched her left side, gasping for breath. When she saw the admiral though, she smiled grotesquely and said nothing. It was like it was a normal day at the office and that being so seriously hurt was common.

She accepted the help without protest, allowing Kirk to lead her to the nearest chair. While the silence was somewhat awkward, she listened to the admiral ask all sorts of questions about what happened and how much danger they were in. He was obviously concerned about security and why Starfleet officers were now conducting local skirmishes. Alyssa was not as worried, choosing to keep silent about the matter.

It had been a tough seven days calming a populace that disliked Kirk, Alyssa had to admit to herself, but the excursions were normal. She had been ordered to remain behind and ensure a Starfleet presence on the planet since their joining the Federation. That always created animosity and defensiveness, especially when most had believed the evil aide Mycoff had been innocent of all charges and did not deserve his beheading, an execution shared by his son and nephew some days later. A reminder of the events from five years ago stirred a pot that the security officer did not like sticking her hands into. Orders were orders and there was nothing she could do to change them.

Closing her eyes to sleep, she listened to Kirk call for help, frantic to find it as it echoed into her dreams. The crying caused Magda to come out from her bedroom in her robe, rushing downstairs to check the commotion. She chided Kirk on his concern and looked Alyssa over at the same time. She straightened out the security officer's hair and practically dragged her to her feet in an effort to move her. Magda then half-carried her to her room, staying in the security officer's bedroom.

Kirk was nervous, shamed into silence by a woman who seemed so used to the violence inflicted upon Starfleet officers. He had not anticipated this. While he was upset about Alyssa, his mind also flew to conspiracy. Lori had been pricy to Synprilox's problems, he dimly recalled. Was she aware of any riff-raff or what kind of reception Starfleet has in Synprilox? Did she notice the changing political and social tide? Or was she ignorant of the circumstances, thinking Kirk the best man for a job with unknown factors?

Before the admiral knew it, he was outside once more, sitting on a chair in the front yard. The garden seemed tranquil and quiet, a sharp contrast to what he had seen and heard this night. Sitting with his head in his hands, his thoughts whirled back and forth. Doubt ate at him, firing up the worst accusations against Lori, Synprilox, Alyssa, Magda and many others. In a moment when he should have been confident, decisive and strong, he was insecure and vulnerable. In an hour, his whole world changed. His original mission seemed more momentous than anticipated and the people involved not what they seemed.

Lori was mostly the brunt of Kirk's aggravation. She had been his rock since he was free of his captain's chair, his latest partner and a great part of his new life. There was no doubt in his mind that she knew of Synprilox's problems. That she would dare to send him into a precarious situation was nefarious and quite apprehensive. There was some gain since he was personally requested and had a reputation to keep the peace. However, even Lori should have realized that Kirk alone could not hold it together.

After dawn, Magda found Kirk. She sat in the opposite chair, shaking his shoulder gently. He had fallen asleep, groggily listening to her recount what she had done to restore Alyssa. His main concern was the woman herself, not a play-by-play action of what a nursemaid had done to heal her. None of it made sense and it was quite a cold bedside manner compared to what he was used to.

Eventually, Kirk had enough. "Is Alyssa all right?" he demanded when there was a pause. He did not want to hear any more gory details.

Magda blinked, unsure of how to proceed. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "If your inquiry is if she is alive, then yes, Alyssa is still drawing air. She has lived through worse though."

"What are you talking about?" The dread inside of Kirk grew, more so than believing that Lori had perhaps lied to him. "There has been worse?"

"Synprilox has experienced so much in the centuries we existed," Magda explained. "After the…unfortunate events that led many to believe in the good of their leader, there still remains a hint of insurrection and a feeling of injustice. While everything has improved in some ways, there is always the undercurrent of discontent…and all of them aimed at Starfleet, now more than ever before. Many blame the military for the woes they faced when Mycoff was beheaded."

"So, they attack anyone associated with Starfleet?" Kirk's heart sank. He knew the answer before Magda responded.

The nursemaid nodded. "It is not a welcoming prospect. Anyone could be targeted. For all I know, Admiral Kirk, you could be next. Watch your step. Synprilox does not tolerate anyone it feels is poison. An assassin might stab you in the back later."