Kirk wasn't a comforting person to begin with. He had been through enough hurt and pain to understand that he had to put it aside and conduct himself in a manner becoming of an officer. Watching his daughter break down had been disturbing and pressed on every nerve in his body. He did not know whether to hold her or to give her space or to lecture her like a subordinate. This was a new experience for him.

He attempted a gesture of reconciliation, but Ali was repelled by the awkward motions and inched away in her chair. After twenty minutes of this strange position, she calmed down. By that time, three admirals were at the door, demanding entry to their mutual office space. Kirk offered Ali a handkerchief from his pocket to hide her distress and hid the incriminating documents back in its box. He ordered Riley to let them in. It was a silent truce. She smiled at him as the officers entered, complaining at Kirk about his behavior.

Even explaining about Alyssa and pretending that he was concerned did not help matters. Sighing, Kirk allowed himself to be scolded before the trio fumed in their respective corners. Afterward, they did include him on a security update. The Thyrians were beaten back as far as Jupiter, but were still running strong and calling for more resources. In the meantime, all hands were on deck.

They added that it was safe to go home since most city and military functions have been restored except for a few restricted places. Escorts were now in place. Transportation stations now had extra security. Civilian and Starfleet personnel were now on around-the-clock vigilance. Anything suspicious was to be reported.

Kirk groaned inwardly. It meant that he was stuck with security guards everywhere until the crisis was over. At this time, he desired privacy and secrecy most of all and found that he wanted to be home with his circle. Ali was good at keeping her mouth shut when the situation merited. Riley had been trusted for years. He wasn't so sure about some puppy dogs tailing him at this most distressing time.

He called for his detail and requested that they meet him outside. When he was finished with the communication, he turned to Ali, packing up. "Shall we go home?"

"Are we going to Mom's apartment?" she inquired.

"No, we're going to mine," Kirk said. "It'll be safer."

Ali eagerly stood up and followed Kirk out. Riley joined them. More than ever before did the pair watch her. Ali skipped ahead, no more than five paces in front of the two. Down the end of the hallway, she took out a handheld computer and turned it on. She giggled when the game graphics flashed in her face. She was distracted for the moment. This gave Riley and Kirk some time to talk.

"What else do we know about the Thyrians now?" Kirk discreetly whispered to Riley. "All systems are up and all hands are on deck. It doesn't mean they're not within galaxy limits. How far away are they?"

"Right now, it's back and forth on Jupiter," Riley revealed. "Lieutenant Elma disabled a vessel, but that hasn't stopped them. We pushed them back a little. Another ship pops up when we defeat one. It's like the Thyrians have backup ships in case of a disadvantage and we don't see them."

"Destroying a ship should have been a good sign. How are they able to bring in reinforcements without us seeing them? They don't have a cloaking device like the Romulans do."

"You're right, Admiral, but this is a difficult situation. We haven't had an attack like this before. Not from the inside anyway. They have technology we can only dream about."

"How were they able to get through our defenses so easily? Did our courtesies contribute to it?"

"Well, Sir, they did request many things. Nobody came to their quarters. They cooked their own food. They also had some of their men explore restricted areas."

"Why was this not reported to Captain Elma?"

Riley blinked like he had been hit in the face and was hardly surprised. "She was aware of the situation, Admiral. She placed more of security in those areas when she could get away with it. The issue was considered closed."

Kirk fumed inside. There was so much he wasn't privy to and that hurt. But there wasn't much that could have been done. Alyssa was taken out of the game after the assassination attempt and she took the blame for her subordinate. But he was not aware that she was more than suspicious of the Thyrians and took other precautions. Sure, she went along with what Kirk was investigating. She even pulled a few strings to get Jason Lattimer. He did not like this secret keeping.

But it doesn't matter now.

The regret ran deep. Kirk suppressed his anger and frustration with the fresh wave of grief. He found himself in a precarious position. He had to balance a fine line between respectable officer and private person. For the time being (rumors hopefully remaining hushed), he still had to keep quiet about Ali. Once Alyssa died and her will was revealed, it will be a different matter. Despite this confliction of emotion, he could claim the affair existed and face down the worry about Ali later. That was best.

When they exited the bunker, Kirk and Riley lost track of Ali. In between the emerging bustle of the city (still recovering from the attacks) and the emergency personnel that directed traffic, she had disappeared. Kirk felt his heart go into his throat as he scanned the crowds frantically, looking for his daughter without panicking. He felt silly when he located her sitting on a nearby bench. Her attention was still planted in her game.

This is what Alyssa must have felt everyday.

Kirk waited for his sentries to arrive before telling Riley and Ali that his apartment was their destination. Four burly men marched sternly behind them on the way, biting into the back of their feet often. The admiral thought they were new to the job. Most certainly, they were young and fresh from the Academy. Frustrated, he ordered them to back off a few feet a couple of times before they reached his building.

This too had been destroyed in the attack, more on the inside than out. Kirk allowed his eager followers to inspect the foyer, hallways, lift and stairwell first. While clean-up crews had been busy, they too had to undergo inspection before Kirk and his party could enter. Once the coast was clear, they were escorted to the only turbolift working. It managed to drop them off on the third floor. They had to take the stairs the rest of the way up.

Riley was invited to spend the night with Kirk to prevent a repeat performance. He emptied his apartment of some essentials before settling with the admiral in his living room. He was asleep in a chair almost immediately. Setting down himself, Kirk directed his guards in key positions and ordered them to clear out. This left him and Ali alone.

To him, it felt strange. He didn't know what else to do with a child or how to figure out her needs. Ever since the Academy, he had lived on his own mostly and with a few exceptions. His antiques had been his only company and that was only a recent friend. On and off, Riley was the occasional visitor and mostly to nag.

Ali quickly settled the problem and took the reins by ignoring Kirk. She settled at a chair near the fireplace, her backpack beside it on the floor. She took out her computer again. She didn't play the same game though. She was reading something. From what Kirk could see, it was a novel.

Kirk decided to take a step forward. He sat in the opposite chair. "What are you reading?"

Ali was annoyed that she was disturbed. She did not look up from the screen. "Lewis Carroll. Mom suggested him. She said she read him constantly at my age."

"Poems? Stories?"

"I am reading about the Jabberwocky. It's insane! It's almost nonsense."

"There's a lot of word play. But there's been worse. Have you tried A Tangled Tale?"

Ali eyed him suspiciously. "No."

"I have a copy you can borrow," Kirk offered.

"Can you send it to me? I can give you the code to access my computer."

"It's a paper copy actually."

Ali brightened up immediately. "Really? You have actual books? Can I see them?"

The admiral was fast. Now that he found some common ground, it was easy to acquiesce his daughter. He retrieved the desired item from the other room. Ali waited until the book was placed in her hands before carefully opening it. She was awed by its age and how rare it was. Paper was not easily found in these parts in this day and age anymore. The edition was easily over three hundred years old.

With Ali now happily distracted, Kirk found himself freed. He didn't feel that Ali was a danger to his collection. He went to his bedroom and closed the door. Sitting on his bed, he put his head into his hands. It had been a turbulent few days already. It was finally catching up to him in a way that made him feel older than his forty-six years.

The old doubts and regrets crept up on him. Again and again, he cursed the day he accepted Nogura's offer to be promoted. He did not want to leave Starfleet, but that was his ultimatum…and a poor and weak one, at that. He should have waited for another ship or argued more for the Enterprise. He should have run in the opposite direction when he saw Lori Ciana. He should have resigned from his commission if he wasn't given another command. He should have stood his ground.

Even after becoming an admiral, there was more he should have done. Tears threatened to come down when he remembered Alyssa. Life would have been wonderfully different and amazing with her in it. He should have pushed for her transfer out of Synprilox and Kepler III entirely. He should have been more open about the relationship and tried to be a family with her. He should have done right by her and damned all those people after them. He should have protected them all!

Should, should, should…

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Kirk got up and answered it. He was surprised to see Ali there. When he looked at a clock to his left, he saw that it was late. He had been hiding for over three hours and night had fallen.

She handed him the tome back. "It was a fascinating read. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Kirk held the volume in his hands tightly and used it an anchor. Now that it was late, he thought food was next. "Are you hungry?"

Ali shook her head. "No. Can we talk?"

You're the adult here, Jim, not her. Remember that.

"We can," Kirk allowed.

"Away from Commander Riley please?" Ali wrinkled her nose. "I like him, but I don't want him to hear anything."

"He's sound asleep. Is it that important that we're completely alone?"

The face Ali made answered the question. Kirk smiled. He was still carrying the book when he guided her to the balcony and ordered the door closed. He knew that anybody could hear them from the inside if they tried, but Ali didn't need to know that. It was enough to have the illusion of privacy.

The admiral sat down next to his daughter. "What do you need to talk about?" he asked.

"Can't you tell me more about you and Mom?" she begged.

Kirk laughed. "Not a lot, I'm afraid." He leaned forward. "No. That's not fair to you. I can tell you as much as I can."

Ali perked up and began pelting him with questions. It was so fast that Kirk could not keep up. He eventually gave up and allowed her to continue rambling nonsense until she took a breath and was silent. Al of it was curiosity and most of it intrusive. He found that he didn't want to reply to many of her inquiries. Details he believed to be between him and Alyssa had been a primary reason. Another was the way information slipped to the wrong people. He was so afraid for Ali.

Realizing this by the look on Kirk's face, Ali slumped in her chair. "You can't tell me anything."

"Well, I answered some of them before," Kirk admitted. "I can tell you that I met your mother on my ship, the Enterprise. She was chosen as a security officer for our initial trip to Synprilox. The rest, as they say, is history."

"You can't tell me anything specific?" Ali pressed.

"None," the admiral replied as an idea popped into his head, "but I have decided that some things need to be…well, done, before we both settle down together. What I can tell you is that I am going to leave you with Doctor McCoy for a day or so."

"What? Why?" Ali was outraged, to the point of whining. "Are you serious? He's going to torture me!"

Kirk agreed with the sentiment and cracked a smile. He couldn't laugh. "I have some business to conduct. It might mean something for a lot of people, your mother included. It might mean a cure."

"I'm coming with you," Ali declared. "You can't leave without me."

"No, you're staying put. I am ordering you to." Kirk was frustrated with the girl. He exerted his authority as an officer forcefully and hoped it went to heart. "I am going somewhere I can't bring you. It's too dangerous."

Ali was quiet for a moment. Her hazel eyes rose to meet Kirk's brown ones. "I'm losing Mom," she reminded him. Her voice shook. "I can't afford to lose you too. I know where you're going, Admiral. You might not get out of there alive and I can't bear it."

~00~

The next weeks passed in a sort of blur. Kirk finalized his reports and had packed everything by the time the Juniper was going to beam him up. An hour before departure, he sat in his room in the palace, thinking. It had been a busy time. Since the night of the attempted murder and the loss of his men, he had been in nonstop communication with all leaders on Synprilox and with Starfleet, trying to delicately tip the balances.

It was a tiring role he was glad to be rid of. While his efforts had been promising for Synprilox, he had his doubts about these promises he tried keeping. Nothing much had changed except for the lessening of the radiation attacks. Kepler III was thriving and growing rapidly. The local politicians have calmed down slightly. Civilians behaved in this same manner, but it wasn't as extreme. He can consider those his greatest achievements.

He had his regrets too. It wasn't just the initial lack of involvement and how the mystery was not solved. The biggest one was Alyssa and Ryder. Kirk dreaded parting with them. Oddly enough, he could not imagine his life without the two and imagined all sort of situations where they could be a happy family. However, he had no power and no opportunity to change anything.

While it had been difficult to spend time together with Alyssa, even at night, they managed a sincere parting late the night before. She sobbed into his shoulder, but managed to compose herself by the time company showed up. Ryder wasn't too happy to see Kirk go either and had said goodbye several times within the last two days. He knew that Kirk was a special person in their lives. He could not bear the only male figure in his life leaving.

There was something else that kept Kirk busier though. The focus of his last weeks on Synprilox was on the main mission, which was finding the conspirators. While they had managed to gather few in the web, Kirk still felt uneasy about the lack of information and a solid conclusion. He knew that there were more people involved. There was no way that three people could have managed such an act. And Alyssa worked her men to the ground to find out more. She had a few leads, but all of them led to a dead end.

And again, there was another problem. Sitting on his bed, Kirk remembered that Alyssa needed to talk to him. Because of their lack of time and privacy, she didn't get the chance, not even when they bid each other farewell. Even every time he tried to broach it was met with silence on her part. It wasn't like her at all. Kirk thought that it might have to do with her dual role as security officer and lover, but that did not make sense either.

If he had to pinpoint when it all started, it was after that meeting a few weeks prior. Ever since their initial encounter years before, Alyssa and Amelia were close and they trusted each other. It was whispered that Amelia made advances towards the security officer and was denied. Regardless of the rejection, she continued keeping Alyssa near and their conversations deep.

That time, Alyssa had remained behind with the chancellor. Kirk saw the two of them chat before he left. He didn't hear anything. He only saw their grave faces and their conspirator-like whispers. Alyssa was telling Amelia something. The security officer was surprised that the chancellor knew something and sought a wiser head. The words the chancellor gave Alyssa must have included what she needed to talk to Kirk about.

To be honest, he did not know how to feel about that. Butting into business that wasn't the chancellor's made the admiral angry. Most certainly, she had told him to keep out of the affairs of Synprilox. Despite all of that, Kirk managed to keep it on his mind constantly.

After today, it wasn't to matter what difference he made on Synprilox or not or how his relationship with Alyssa was going to end or continue. Alyssa will no longer be striving to enchant him every night. Synprilox will disappear in the shuffling madness of deskwork. He would go back to Lori and her psychological games. It would be back to the old grind, to paperwork and Riley on his back and Starfleet double-talk that hardly made sense.

The hour had come. The admiral rose to gather his things. Just in time, there was a knock on his door. He called out to come in and was surprised to see Alyssa there. She commanded the computer to lock it behind her. By the look on her face, something was very wrong.

Kirk faced her. "What's happened?"

"Our attackers seem to think that Synprilox isn't their only target," Alyssa explained. "The Juniper has been driven away and is badly damaged. Casualties are high. There are no other ships that can come in until this threat has been handled. Orders are orders, Admiral. It seems that your stay here as been extended, on Starfleet orders. They ordered that you remain here for another month."

"And do what?" Kirk had prepared himself to leave and found this to be a tease. He was angry about it. "What are they going to do about the Juniper?"

"This area is now restricted," Alyssa stated plainly. When she saw that he needed comfort, she softened and took his hand. "Jim, we can work through this. Right now, the arrangements remain the same. I will rotate between four men and I'll be around at night. We'll have some time left. It might be a gift."

"It's candy, Alyssa. It's not a present. What are we going to do? After next month, this will still be a memory."

"I dreaded this day more than anything else. Above all, you should know this. I love you, Jim. I love you. Don't you see that?"

An idea came to mind. "Do you want to transfer out of here?" he asked her. More than anything, he wished that she would say yes. "Do you want to come back to Earth with me?"

Alyssa closed her eyes. "I cannot tell you how much it would mean to me to be on familiar ground. Yes, I want to come back with you, Jim. I just don't see a way."

"I can find one," he promised.

"What? With Admiral Ciana so happy I am here?" Alyssa opened her eyes. She laughed. "She loves you too, Jim. I can't stand in her way. I also can't stand in the way of your career. She is right in the middle."

Kirk knew that she was right. Lori was jealous when she wanted to be and she had made her intentions with Kirk pretty clear. They lived together and she was always with him when the chance merited. Not to mention, she was in charge of Alyssa and could not transfer her out of Synprilox without a good reason. It was going to be awkward to explain why she had to move out and Alyssa and her brood were moving in.

He felt the chains of yet another failed relationship pull him down. But his mind rebelled against the idea. No, he reasoned, this was not a departure because of differences. It was because of their careers, circumstances and positions. It was beyond their control…but there was a chance to change it. He had to. He couldn't let Alyssa go.

He leaned into her heavily. "I can't lose you. If we got married…"

"No. It's not right. That's not how our relationship should work." Alyssa took a deep breath. "Jim, listen to me. The way we are right now…I don't know if marriage is the ultimate answer. We can work towards it. Right now, what we face is a long distance relationship that is going to challenge us. We have a way to work it out. I'm sure we'll see each other again. I have no doubt we can get through this."

"When? How? We're going to be several lightyears away from each other."

"Don't you have a video conference computer at home?"

Kirk paused. "Lori also uses it. That won't work."

"I have business with her sometimes. I can come up with excuses when I call." Alyssa kissed his forehead. "I can't afford to lose you too, Jim. I refuse to."

They remained that way for a long time, holding each other tightly. When Alyssa's communicator beeped, she cursed and put her mask back on. Immediately, she answered it. One of her men told her that there was a breakthrough in their case. A ringleader had been identified and was currently being held at the palace dungeon. He added that he was an alien of some sort and was one of the Freedom Riders.

Alyssa mumbled something about power and corruption before responding. "I'll be there within the hour, Lieutenant. Do not interrogate the suspect without myself or Admiral Kirk present. Elma out."

Kirk listened carefully to the interaction. He was not surprised that one of the chancellor's people was part of this conspiracy. "What do you plan of doing with this Freedom Rider?" he asked.

"What should have been done years ago" she replied. "Someone within the government is part of an assassination scheme means that he had the resources to do more and wants to. What it is, we'll see soon."

"And us?" Kirk kissed her. He wanted to tempt her to stay for a few more minutes. "Do you think we'll have some time?"

"We have another tough month ahead of us," Alyssa reminded him, smiling. She started pulling her uniform jacket on. "We'll see, Jim. I'm sure we'll have some time to ourselves."