It was a restless night. While Riley was able to sleep through the noise, Ali had a few hours to herself and Kirk spent the night awake. Between the guards that filtered through constantly and the worry about one girl, there was no way Kirk could get to sleep. His mind usually occupied itself with Ali. For a girl that went through so much in so little time and had to face losing her mother, she was holding up pretty well. But underneath that shell, there was a scared child in there. Kirk only had to figure out how to reach it.

While Ali chatted inanely and he set his attention elsewhere, he noted that she was a handful and a foreign substance in his life's mixture. He dealt with his nephews and sometimes the children of his peers. He could talk on their level and give them back. His own was different. He was in control and he found that he was awkward trying to be the parent. But now, he was the authority figure and the one who was supposed to make decisions in favor of her wellbeing. Trying to exert that sort of power was different than being a Starfleet officer.

During that time, tiptoeing around the other, they both were trying to get the hang of the each other and learn more. Ali was the most persistent. She still pelted Kirk with questions and he answered the best way he could when his mind was into it. Mostly, he tried avoiding the same specific details and steered the conversation away from him and Alyssa. He did not want anybody else knowing about their relationship and with four security officers around, it was easy gossip.

It was easier commanding a crew of four hundred and thirty than a child of eleven.

Eventually, Ali did fall asleep on the couch after her inquiries tired her out. Kirk wasn't paying attention to her at that point and was beginning to read a book himself. When he heard the silence and saw her, he chuckled to himself. She was sprawled on the soft cushions, one arm over her eyes and the other still holding her handheld computer, spilling out the words of Lewis Carroll. The device kept beeping for attention.

Kirk put his book down and took the item from her hands and turned it off. He placed it on the nearby table and settled near his fireplace without his tome. He thought about drinking, but decided against it. He had enough to deal with and getting drunk would make matters worse. Instead, he watched Ali steadily and waved away any questions from his sentries. All the while, he wondered how many nights Alyssa had done the same.

Then, he wondered how many sleepless nights Alyssa had since Ali was born. He knew that she was protective of Ryder, especially after Kurt's death, and always kept vigils over him. Ali was another story. How far did those lengths go? Did she think the same things as Kirk did and continued to dread? What did she do to dismiss those fears?

Kirk found that it was difficult to answer any of the questions. He was so lost that he yearned to reach out to anyone who could help…and found that his arm held empty air. Without anybody here to help him, he was drifting aimlessly in an ocean and waiting to drown. The only mantra he had was telling himself that he was the adult, not Ali, and that he was a poor one indeed.

Before he realized it, it was dawn. Stretching, he got up and grabbed the copy of Lori's material and hid it in his pocket. He also began making coffee. By then, Riley had woken up to the smell and followed the admiral to the kitchen. Silently, they worked side-by-side in a familiar morning routine that had not been reacted since before Lori had died. When they returned, Ali was also up. However, she said nothing to them and appeared to be pouting. She was sullen about spending her day elsewhere.

Kirk decided that it was time to work out his idea. He sat down with Riley nearby. "I'm going to need your help."

The aide's ears perked up. "How so, Admiral?"

"I am going to need to send a communication to the Thyrians."

"Admiral, the situation is being handled the best way Starfleet sees fit. Why do you want to be involved? You can't do anything."

"Because I know many things that they don't."

Riley nodded in understanding. "Yes, Sir." He cleared his throat. "Well, Admiral, I'm sure that Captain Styles will accept you coming to his bridge. His is the only ship kind of parleying. You cannot command over him though."

"I am not looking to sit in the captain's chair," Kirk amended. "I am looking to board the Thyrian vessel."

The aide coughed and almost choked on his coffee. "What?!"

"If anything else, the Thyrians can be charged with biological warfare," the admiral continued. He felt bitter about admitting fault. "I have been unwillingly the culprit of this from the very beginning. If we had not landed on Synprilox all those years ago, lives would have been saved. The Thyrian would not have felt slighted and would not have attacked. I…I would not have been involved. However, because Starfleet and the Federation are an indirect cause of this, me most of all, I feel that I need to finish this."

Ali listened to the conversation with interest and sat up. "Admiral, you can't go."

While Riley found himself speechless at such audacity, Kirk suppressed another laugh and tried to be serious. "I told you already, Ali. I need to. This is our only chance to save people. Your mother might live."

The fact that Alyssa might not die intrigued Ali. She pressed the matter. "How? She's on life support. She's going to die. Ryder is going to take her off of it tomorrow morning."

"If medical science proves us wrong, she might not be," he insisted.

"I didn't have all the facts." Ali was amazed. "The Thyrians hid a cure from us. How? Why?"

"Because you don't need the memo," Kirk joked. He turned back to Riley. "If you can get the communication through to the commander of the Thyrian vessel, I will find a way to board Styles' ship and be transported. This might drive them back. They have me. The rest of their targets are dead anyway."

Ali was about to protest again. Kirk put up a hand up to stop her and found it surprising that it worked. When he checked on her, he found that her lips quivered and she was biting back a response. She was not giving up, Kirk realized, even if she was told to shut up. She truly believed that some ill will fall on him. He did not believe it. There was always a way to win. He never lost.

"You still have not told me how you're going to pull all of this off, Admiral," Riley reminded him. "Captain Styles isn't going to open his bridge to you that easily."

"Oh, I think I have the right person for the job," Kirk answered confidentially. He looked at Ali specifically. "But first things first. You're being dropped off with Doctor McCoy."

Ali groaned. "Can't you leave me with Ryder? Mom used him."

"His captain does not have access to a daycare and McCoy does," Kirk countered. He was tired of repeating himself. "He can drop you off with the matron."

This question was repeated for the next hour as the trio left for Headquarters with the four guards. Kirk tried to be a patient as he could, but with Ali dragging her feet, he found himself so annoyed that he wanted to snap at her and shake her by the shoulders. He was relieved to meet with McCoy in the bunker below. He asked McCoy to watch Ali or to send her to the daycare, where Alyssa had her.

The doctor thought that Kirk was here for an update and didn't expect to be a babysitter. "I'm a doctor, not a daycare matron or a teacher," he complained when he pulled Kirk to his office for privacy. "What the hell am I going to do with a child?"

"Give her to the actual matron, if you can find her," Kirk suggested. "Come on, Bones. It's only for the day."

"And where do you think you're going? You don't have meetings."

"Riley and I have some business to conduct."

McCoy's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You're borrowing a ship."

"No," Kirk said. "We are looking to be transported to one. Namely, not one of ours. I figured that we'd take a stroll on a Thyrian ship and have a chat."

"You're just going to walk in there and expect a warm welcome?!"

"Well, what are friends for?"

"Alyssa just entrusted you with her children, one of them your own, and you're just going to throw it away?!"

Kirk was confused. "How did you know?"

"You're not the only one who keeps her secrets," McCoy said mysteriously. He was still irritated though. "Now, why are you leaving Ali and Ryder with me again?"

"Ryder should have a ship to go to," Kirk pointed out, "and I said that Ali should have a daycare matron that can take her. Just pick her up at the end of the day. I will be back after that."

"Jim, this cure you said is out there….I can't wait for it. You have less than twenty-four hours. Ryder expressed his wishes to me clearly."

"He's also a child –"

"Who is legally in charge of his mother," McCoy reminded him. "You may have custody of Ali and can disperse Alyssa's property as you please, Jim, but Ryder is an adult. He's been appointed in charge of her body. He's also a junior officer. You can't take that away from him."

Kirk flushed. "You're right. I shouldn't assume. Just because he's under my care afterward, doesn't mean he isn't an adult." He paused, sighing. He felt so tired. "What time tomorrow morning?"

"Ryder is looking at forenoon, two bells." McCoy swore under his breath. "He said Alyssa wanted a quiet affair, cremation and no memorial service. She wasn't too concerned about what happened after she died."

Facing that reality again was too much to bear. Kirk nodded and thanked McCoy for his help. He did not leave any arguments about any decisions. Leaving the office and calling Riley to his side, he walked out and searched for his first intended target. It was easy to find him too. Cartwright was sitting in his own office. While numerous aides bustled about him, he sat alone like an island, undisturbed by the commotion.

Kirk stood before his desk. "Lance, I need a favor."

"I thought you would." Cartwright didn't glance away from his paperwork. "You cannot have a ship."

"That wasn't what I was going to ask. It doesn't require me to sit in a chair."

"Oh?" Cartwright was interested. He looked up.

"I have to get on a Thyrian ship," Kirk clarified. "I need to set up communications and transport in."

"What do you have that Starfleet does not? What knowledge are you hiding?"

"There's a way to defeat them," Kirk announced. "I am going to finish what I began seventeen years ago."

~00~

Kirk had never been in the dungeons of the palace before. Although he had seen the worst of Synprilox in five months' time, this was by far the dirtiest. Alyssa led him from the opulence of the green and blue marbled hallways to a remote doorway that spiraled a pathway downward for several thousand feet. She motioned at him to hold the wall firmly. The fall down the slippery steps was a long one and Kirk was loath to look down.

At the bottom, Alyssa checked in with the guards at the main desk. They directed her down another hallway. This time though, she was not at the lead. They insisted that six others follow her and the admiral.

Kirk managed to walk next to Alyssa. "Why the escort?" he hissed.

"This is the most secured location in the building," she answered. "Anybody who is imprisoned in this part is protected. We are considered important visitors. They require the added security."

"Well, you are Starfleet security. Why can't you head this investigation alone?"

"Admiral, this prisoner is also a government official. I can't interrogate him alone."

Kirk understood immediately, but it did not mean that he liked it. Regardless, he followed his group down the dark corridor. The lights blinked brighter upon their arrival, blinding the few inhabitants seeped into its darkness. Most of them appeared to have been living in the cells for a long time. Their clothing hardly appeared changed and the scent emitted from them was enough to make anyone gag. Kirk put a hand over his mouth and nose. He also eyed the terrified faces with trepidation.

No wonder they kept more people around us. Hunger can be a powerful motivator.

The six stopped before a barred room and surrounded the pair in a semi-circle. Kirk looked to Alyssa on his right for the lead. Taking the cue, she stepped forward and glared at the man behind the metal prison. When he came to the light, she noticed that it was the same man who kept challenging everyone since the Freedom Riders' inception. She remembered that his name was Ghanstan.

Keeping her surprised to herself, she began. "Councilman, you know your rights. Do you waive them in favor of confession?"

Ghanstan stared at Alyssa with contempt. He spat at her feet in disgust. "I'll say nothing incriminating to the Starfleet cunt."

"You can save yourself the trouble," Alyssa insisted. She ignored the insults.

"Or I can sit here and wait for a trial," Ghanstan replied. "Spare me your bravado, Commander Elma. You know as well as I do the laws of this land. Federation ones do not plague me. I will have my revenge."

"On who? And what? Where do you come from?"

"Obviously, it is not here." Ghanstan spread out his hands. "As you can see, I am not from Synprilox. I've lived here for many years, abandoned by the very people you seek to stop."

"Who are these people?" Kirk demanded. "Where are they? Why are they trying to destroy Synprilox?"

"Ahh, Admiral Kirk, the so-called savior of Synprilox. Or are you the man who truly saved a world from itself? How can you stand there and say that a deal was good and done when it was not? The Federation and Starfleet did us hardly any good."

"Synprilox made its choices. You cannot blame the Federation and Starfleet for everything."

"Oh, but we can. We most certainly can. You alone are the instigator of this union, are you not? Were you not the captain of the Enterprise, when she entered orbit almost six years ago?"

"I cannot take personal responsibility for a planet joining the Federation and what the terms are. I know my orders. I follow them."

"Then, you have failed in that duty. You did not see the whole picture."

"When the whole picture is in front of me, then I will make decisions based on it. There was nothing that stood in the way of Synprilox joining the Federation."

Ghanstan laughed. "You have little knowledge of this planet, Admiral. Worse, you are ignorant. Synprilox wasn't just under civil war. She was also a slave to another vengeful world and one you will never see coming."

Alyssa had enough. "We are through," she announced to the guards.

She did not care that Kirk was furious that their interview did not yield any real results. She led him back upstairs. Once they exited and were in his rooms, she breathed out a sigh of relief. That prison was not her favorite place. This time was no different. The dismal faces and the feeling of desperation were a heavy burden.

Alyssa turned to the admiral, hoping to see him calmed. He was, albeit showing some irritation. She waited until he spoke first. She knew that approaching him when he was angry as not a good idea.

"We were getting somewhere," Kirk complained. "He gave us more information than I expected."

"Ghanstan was also taunting us," Alyssa reminded him. "He's argumentative and likes conflict and drama. That's just his personality."

"He said that he wasn't from Synprilox. Where did he come from?"

Alyssa's face darkened. "I don't know. I've been trying to find that out for the past year."

"What? What do you mean you don't know?"

"About a year ago, I was instructed by Admiral Ciana to discreetly check into the background of the Freedom Riders. She was suspicious of them. Some of them were making demands of the Federation that we couldn't meet by law and she wanted to know what drove them to these lengths."

"What became of this investigation?"

"That all of them are corrupt and like to take the chancellor's place." Alyssa laughed like it was a joke. "One of them liked to have pictures of naked children on his computers. Another had Orion slave girls brought to his rooms at night. I found out that one even had twenty-five children and all of them with different mothers."

"That must have filled files. How did Lori react?"

"She was intrigued, more so than I was. But Ghanstan interested me the most. It was well known that he was adapted when he was a teenager. He was transported here by unknown parties several decades ago. Before that, his life is an empty book. I cannot find records of him anywhere. It made me think that he is either from a planet unknown to us or he changed his name and identity completely."

"He could be from the planet attacking Synprilox," Kirk suggested.

"No doubt about it." Alyssa found a chair and sat down. She was dizzy. She put her head into her hands.

Kirk kneeled before her and put an arm around her shoulders. "Are you all right?"

"The radiation," she lied. It was an easy one. "It's all right, Jim. It'll pass."

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?" he pressed.

Alyssa thought it was the best opportunity ever. Kirk had gotten it all wrong and was leading her on a merry dance to keep her secret. She could have continued the steps and said yes. True, the radiation was making her sicker. Each time she got up and exerted herself, she was risking her life. Every time Synprilox was attacked and she was in the middle of it, she prayed that it would be a quick death from the blast.

This was no ordinary disease and pregnancy. The weight of her ill health was pulling her down. But Amelia's words dwelled inside of her. Yes, it wasn't hard to leave Kirk out of her children's lives, but there was also a line she was crossing. It was not fair to keep this from him. His child's life was at risk from the radiation and he had a right to know. The time was not right though, not when this hung over their heads.

She bit her lip and shook her head. "No. I'm not ready yet, Jim. I don't think I ever will be. It might be within the month or it might be years. But I do know this. You deserve the truth above all things. I love you enough to give you that."