Inside Jack's Head
It's been about two weeks since I watched Kim break up with Brett. It's been a good and a rough two weeks, I guess. She's doing fine in school and loving her job. She's still pretty reserved, but she's back at the lunch table.
I could be wrong, but I think this may be a hard week for her. It'll be her first Thanksgiving out of the house. I want to invite her to a good Spencer Thanksgiving, but Juliet and Shawn are both working on a case. Some asshole stole the entire Toys for Tots bin from the central court at the mall. Jerry tried to stop the guy himself, but Jerry got his ass beat. He's okay, though. There's a lot of other petty, personal cases Shawn is knee deep in.
So that leaves me and Kim alone for Thanksgiving. It makes me wish I could cook. Even though it's just me and her, I want to give her a nice meal, you know? She deserves it. She needs a good, fun holiday to keep her mind off of things.
I get up out of my bed with the resolution to at least talk to her. I pull on my usual jeans and pull on a black v-neck. I don't know why I always wear v-necks. It's just my own little thing, I guess. Whatever. I think it works.
I tip across the hardwood hallway floor and gently knock on the door.
"Come in!" Kim calls from the other side.
I open the door and stop dead in my tracks. She's on a yoga mat she brought herself. She's in tight black leggings and a very form fitting teal blue performance tee. Salutations to the Sun pose…
"What's up, Jack?" Kim asks me, her eyes still closed, probably focusing on the stretch but in a different way than I am.
I collect my head and get on to it. "Thanksgiving is this week, so I was," Kim sighs deeply and opens her eyes before I can finish speaking my thought.
"No," she tells me flatly. "I don't want to be dragged along to a big Thanksgiving where I don't know everyone. I don't want to answer my I'm there with you, Shawn, and Juliet while I'm there. I don't want to see people looking at me or talking behind my back. Thanks, but I'm good."
I actually expected that. "That is not what I was going to say at all." She looks guilty and she's absolutely adorable. Is it bad that I think she's adorable even when she's worried? "I was going to suggest that just the two of us do Thanksgiving."
"Oh, no Jack. I can't let you do that. Not just for me," she says in a rush, jumping to her feet.
"Juliet and Shawn are going to be working on Thanksgiving," I explain calmly. "So I mean, if you don't have Thanksgiving with me, neither of us get it." Is that a cruel little trick? Maybe. Do I feel bad about it? Nope.
"I think I can handle you making me food," Kim tells me with a little smile.
"I can't cook to save my life," I admit.
"I can't either…" Kim taps her lips with a finger and lightly taps her little foot.
"Thanksgiving pizza?" I ask awkwardly, knowing how stupid that sounds.
"That sounds great, Jack."
"Kim, you home?" I call through the seemingly empty house. It seems so much bigger when I'm alone.
I hear gentle music coming from the dining room. It's strings and horns and percussion and stuff. Educated people music. It's boring.
I kick off my shoes and hang up my light coat. I walk deeper into the house where all the lights are off except a shallow glow from... candles? My suspicion is further deepened when I hear Kim gently humming. I can never get over how angelic this girl's voice is. "Kim!" I call again and this time she tears me.
"Hi Jack," Kim smiles sweetly at me and I smile back.
"What… what's all this?" I ask in awe. The dining room is gorgeous. Kim set out all of Juliet's nice dishes, a tablecloth is set and she all ready has some kind of fruity looking drinks poured for the two of us?
"Is it too much?" Kim asks, sounding hesitant and shrinking a little. Will this girl ever have her self-confidence back?
"No. This is awesome. You really outdid yourself given that we're just having pizza," I remind her, holding up the box of DiGiorno's. She blushes and it's adorable. My phone rings in my pocket before either of us can say anything else. "Hello?" I ask, not recognizing the number.
"Jack?" It's Jerry's mom.
"Hi Mrs. Martinez. Happy Thanksgiving!" I greet happily.
"Jack, Jerry's in the hospital," she says and I can hear the shakiness in her voice.
"What?" I shout into the lInside Jack's Head
It's been about two weeks since I watched Kim break up with Brett. It's been a good and a rough two weeks, I guess. She's doing fine in school and loving her job. She's still pretty reserved, but she's back at the lunch table.
I could be wrong, but I think this may be a hard week for her. It'll be her first Thanksgiving out of the house. I want to invite her to a good Spencer Thanksgiving, but Juliet and Shawn are both working on a case. Some asshole stole the entire Toys for Tots bin from the central court at the mall. Jerry tried to stop the guy himself, but Jerry got his ass beat. He's okay, though. There's a lot of other petty, personal cases Shawn is knee deep in.
So that leaves me and Kim alone for Thanksgiving. It makes me wish I could cook. Even though it's just me and her, I want to give her a nice meal, you know? She deserves it. She needs a good, fun holiday to keep her mind off of things.
I get up out of my bed with the resolution to at least talk to her. I pull on my usual jeans and pull on a black v-neck. I don't know why I always wear v-necks. It's just my own little thing, I guess. Whatever. I think it works.
I tip across the hardwood hallway floor and gently knock on the door.
"Come in!" Kim calls from the other side.
I open the door and stop dead in my tracks. She's on a yoga mat she brought herself. She's in tight black leggings and a very form fitting teal blue performance tee. Salutations to the Sun pose…
"What's up, Jack?" Kim asks me, her eyes still closed, probably focusing on the stretch but in a different way than I am.
I collect my head and get on to it. "Thanksgiving is this week, so I was," Kim sighs deeply and opens her eyes before I can finish speaking my thought.
"No," she tells me flatly. "I don't want to be dragged along to a big Thanksgiving where I don't know everyone. I don't want to answer my I'm there with you, Shawn, and Juliet while I'm there. I don't want to see people looking at me or talking behind my back. Thanks, but I'm good."
I actually expected that. "That is not what I was going to say at all." She looks guilty and she's absolutely adorable. Is it bad that I think she's adorable even when she's worried? "I was going to suggest that just the two of us do Thanksgiving."
"Oh, no Jack. I can't let you do that. Not just for me," she says in a rush, jumping to her feet.
"Juliet and Shawn are going to be working on Thanksgiving," I explain calmly. "So I mean, if you don't have Thanksgiving with me, neither of us get it." Is that a cruel little trick? Maybe. Do I feel bad about it? Nope.
"I think I can handle you making me food," Kim tells me with a little smile.
"I can't cook to save my life," I admit.
"I can't either…" Kim taps her lips with a finger and lightly taps her little foot.
"Thanksgiving pizza?" I ask awkwardly, knowing how stupid that sounds.
"That sounds great, Jack."
"Kim, you home?" I call through the seemingly empty house. It seems so much bigger when I'm alone.
I hear gentle music coming from the dining room. It's strings and horns and percussion and stuff. Educated people music. It's boring.
I kick off my shoes and hang up my light coat. I walk deeper into the house where all the lights are off except a shallow glow from... candles? My suspicion is further deepened when I hear Kim gently humming. I can never get over how angelic this girl's voice is. "Kim!" I call again and this time she tears me.
"Hi Jack," Kim smiles sweetly at me and I smile back.
"What… what's all this?" I ask in awe. The dining room is gorgeous. Kim set out all of Juliet's nice dishes, a tablecloth is set and she all ready has some kind of fruity looking drinks poured for the two of us?
"Is it too much?" Kim asks, sounding hesitant and shrinking a little. Will this girl ever have her self-confidence back?
"No. This is awesome. You really outdid yourself given that we're just having pizza," I remind her, holding up the box of DiGiorno's. She blushes and it's adorable. My phone rings in my pocket before either of us can say anything else. "Hello?" I ask, not recognizing the number.
"Jack?" It's Jerry's mom.
"Hi Mrs. Martinez. Happy Thanksgiving!" I greet happily.
"Jack, Jerry's in the hospital," she says and I can hear the shakiness in her voice.
"What?" I shout into the line and turn it on speaker phone so Kim can hear, too. "What happened?"
"Jerry tried to commit suicide, Jack. He's in the hospital."
"We're coming now. Kim's with me. Meet us in the lobby," I tell her and hang up. I look to Kim and she's completely frozen. "Kim, come on! We need to go!" I shout at her, shaking her shoulders. "Kim!" I shout again and she snaps back to reality.
"Okay," she says weakly, her body trembling now. I take her hand and lead her out of the house. "Great. We don't have a ride." I look up and down the street. I need to focus on getting us to Jerry, not focusing on the idea that one of the people I'm closest to just tried to kill himself. How the fuck am I supposed to focus! Come on!
"I'll call Milton. I don't know if he knows." Before I can get my phone back out, Milton pulls up in his mom's Jeep Wrangler.
"Get in!" Milton shouts and I do as ordered, dragging Kim with me. "We have to see," Milton tries but I cut him off.
"We know."
We get to the hospital in record time and there's Jerry's mom, waiting for us outside under the hospital canopy.
"I'm so glad you all came!" Mrs. Martinez shouts. I'll never understand why her English is better than Jerry's. I know it seems like a cold thing to think about, but I need to know Jerry's okay before I even think about him. I'm not even sure that makes sense.
I realize as we get into the elevator that I'm still holding Kim's hand. I try to let go, but she feels it and squeezes my hand harder. Her face is stone cold. I can't tell if she's trying not to cry or if she's not able to right now. She just looks… shut down.
Milton's eyes are doing that thing when they fly all over the place, taking in everything and nothing at the same time. He's trying not to have a panic attack, is what he's doing. Mrs. Martinez is about to have an emotional breakdown. I'm the closest one in this elevator to sanity. I don't know if that makes me a bad person, or if there just needs to be one of me in every group. Now I just sound arrogant.
The elevator dings and the doors slowly slide open to a dead quiet hallway. I can almost hear the orange scented floor cleaner drying. I'm snapped back as Mrs. Martinez lightly touches my shoulder, my que to lead the troops out. She tells me his room is 242, so I head that way.
The door's open just a crack, so I lightly knock and tip-toe in. "Hey buddy," I say quietly as the three of us fill in. His mom stays outside. I think she knows that just the four of us need to talk without a parent. We may still be kids, but there are some things we need to just take care of ourselves.
"Hey," Jerry responds, just looking up at the ceiling. His usual endless energy is completely missing from his voice.
The three of us stand around awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
"I'm sorry, Jerry. None of us knew…" Milton starts off with what I think we all were thinking.
"What happened, Jer?" Kim asks, her first words in ten minutes.
Jerry swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He looks like he wants to talk, but he doesn't say anything.
"It's all right, buddy. Take your time, or don't say anything yet. It's okay," I offer as Kim and Milton sit down on chairs and I sit on the foot of the bed next to Jerry's feet, covered by a shitty, thin hospital blanket.
Jerry nods and stares at the ceiling still. I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze, something I've never done before. Jerry squeezes back and finally looks at me. His eyes are glassy and are filled with an emotion I can't even place.
"It's okay, buddy," I tell him and squeeze his hand again. "It's okay." Tears are in all of our eyes, now. "We're just glad you're still here. Whatever made you do this, we'll see you through it. We always will. You know that."
Jerry doesn't break eye contact as he nods and swallows again. He finally breaks and I lean down to hug him the best I can. Kim and Milton are watching us, but seem stuck there. I motion for them and they awkwardly join the group hug, the four of us crying together now.
As I think about it, I start to realize that Jerry cares a lot more than he's ever let on. He's only ever had toxic relationships and his last one was the ugliest any of us had ever seen. She was so rough it almost cost him being one of the group. His grades are atrocious. He's street smart and garage smart, but he can't be bothered to apply himself to school. He hasn't even talked about leaving his mom's, and there's the whole business with his cousin Chewy. He occasionally drops hints that he's over the girl but not over what she did to him and what he did to us while with her. We gave him advice every step of his last two years and he's turned a deaf ear to every little bit. That's a full plate when you're seventeen.
"I need help, guys," Jerry mutters and I hug him tighter.
"I know, Jer. We know," Kim soothes him. "We're all here for each other, right?"
This chapter goes out to a good buddy of mine, someone I should have kept a better eye on. This shit is really out there, and it happens to good people you never want it to and to people you'd never expect until it happens. Please look out for the ones you love, and always be there for them when you ask how they're doing and be there when they need someone. It can save a life.