Disclaimer: I don't own any familiar characters, and or anything pertaining to the world of the Hobbit. All, but my ocs, are owned by J.R.R Tolkien (who probably hates us for doing this to his work).

Chapter 40

Dis had never felt so terrible in her life, and Kili's birth had taken almost took a whole day of laboring. Nothing could compare to the swelling guilt that resided in her chest currently. This had all been her fault, and now she was trying to figure out how to fix it. Dis hadn't meant to meddle the way she had. She was only thinking about her son's best intention. Yet still she had hurt him, Dis could see that now.

Pressing her fingers into her brow, she closed her eyes to pray. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately, praying cleared her heavy mind.

Tracing her face, Dis tried to calm herself. Anything to silence the war that was raging in her mind.

"Mahal, what am I going to do?" Dis pleaded to her god.

There was a faint knock on her door, straightening her clothes and wiping away any trace of tears. Dis called for the visitor to enter. Kili's youthful face appeared in her doorway. She offered him a weak smile.

"Kili, come in." She waved her son to the empty chair across from her.

Kili nodded coming to press a kiss into Dis's hair before moving to the chair.

"Amad, what's wrong?" Dis didn't meet the gaze of her son, she sighed, pressing her forehead into the palm of her hand.

Kili leaned forward concerned by his mother's downward mood. He had only seen his mother cry a handful of times. To see her so distraught Kili was taken aback.

"Kili, I've made mistakes in my life." She began, reaching out to cup his hand. She gave his hand a light squeeze as if trying to remind herself that he was there with her.

"But my biggest mistake will be having a hand in Fili's misery." The light caught the swell of tears forming in his mother's eyes.

"Amad," Kili reached out gently shaking his mother's arm trying to comfort her. He tried for a moment to conjure up some words to comfort his mother, though none came.

Dis's reddened eyes stared up at her son. "No Kili, I encouraged Thorin too hear Lord Hamrus on his offer." She raised her voice, letting the anger from herself flush out of her system.

Kili stared at his mother in shock. "Amad, what are you talking about?" He stood upcoming to the side of his mother.

Dis steady her breathing. "Thorin told me Lord Hamrus's Prospal. A full alliance with Grey Mountains in exchange of marriage. I know Thorin isn't fond of Rus family, but I had heard such wonderful things about Lady Tearas. I thought they would make a wonderful pair. Tearsa arrived, and it was like Fili disappeared. He wasn't himself anymore." " She paused, furrowing her brow.

"Then I saw Fili and Magdalen fight that day in the arena, and it all came together. I had realized what I had done… too late." Dis's voice trembled.

"Amad, you think Fili and Magdalen are in love," Kili questioned innocently trying to get his mother to confirm what he believed for weeks now.

Dis sighed. "I've seen the way he looks at her. At first, I just thought it was his distrust for Magdalen, but after the accident with Rampur, I saw it. I dismissed it as his loyalty to his new friend. But I've noticed how he watches her when no one else does. His eyes linger on her every time she enters a room like she is the only thing that important. It's how your father use to look at me. "

Dis smiled softly reaching out to caress her son's face, lightly pinching his check.

"He's her one, Kili. Just like Tauirel is yours." Dis spoke quietly testing her words carefully.

Kili's eye's shot up to his mother, his hand catching hers. He bit his lip, not knowing how to take his mother's revelation. He had never spoken about his elf to his family, other than Fili.

"How-" He began.

Dis chuckled softly. "I know everything, Kili. You should know that by now."

Kili paled. Dis shook her head."It's okay, my Kili. I have already seen what denying someone their one does to a dwarf. I couldn't bear to make that mistake again."

Kili's eyes shined up at Dis, half-moon glowing in the candlelight. Kili stood up from his knees, holding both of Dis's hands. "Truly, Amad. Do you mean that." The brightness of his voice filled his mother's heart.

"Of course, Kili." Kili yelped picking up his mother to spin her around.

Dis laughed patting her son on his shoulder. Kili dropped her back on her feet, holding her in a bear gripping hug. "I would like to meet Tauriel, properly some time."

Kili grin grew, his cheeks began to hurt. He tucked his mother in another tight hug, pressing a wet kiss into his mother's cheek. "Of course, Amad, whatever you want."

Dis closed her eyes enjoying the sweet embrace of her son. "But before that happens, we have to help your brother." The tone of the room became somber.

"Amad, tell Uncle he'll understand." Dis loved her youngest son's optimism, Dis backed up from Kili's embrace.

"I wish it was that easy, my love. But your uncle and Lord Hamrus have already come to an argument. Breaking that would cause a rift between us and the Grey Mountains. I don't know how to fix this."

Dis stared off into the distances anxious thoughts filling her head. Kili's voice bringing her back down to earth.

"Amad, what else is it?" Kili's voice filled with concern.

Dis brushed her fingers over one another, the words of her brother echoing in her mind. "Thorin told me Magdalen came to him asking for permission to leave the mountain."

Kili backed away from his mother, he felt a stabbing pain in his heart.

"What?" He couldn't comprehend the idea of Magdalen his friend, his sister, leaving their home.

Dis nodded confirming her words. "She wants to visit the Shire, see Middle Earth." Her words faint.

Kili rubbed his hands over his face. "That journey takes months!" He exclaimed.

Dis huffed. "I know, my son. That's why we must act quickly, Thorin gave her permission she leaves in a couple of days." She emphasized her words.

"Go and find Magdalen, talk to her. I will deal with your brother later."

Kili had searched all of the mountain, and couldn't find any trace of his quarter dwarf anywhere. He had begun his search in the obvious places; her apartment, the library, the training room. He had stopped by the Ur family's home, and they hadn't seen her all day. This, of course, alarmed them. Kili reassured Poppy and Bofur that he was sure he would find Magdalen eventually. Though hours later still without an idea of where Magdalen was. It was as if she disappeared.

Kili had the passing thought that she may have left the mountain already. But that soon left his mind, Magdalen won't have asked Thorin's permission only to forsake it. So he continued on with his hunt. He had been so caught up with possible locations Magdalen could be hiding in, he hadn't seen the figure that had stepped into his path. Until he knocked into them, hands reached out steadying him.

"Hello to you too, nadad."Fili laughed forcefully patting Kili's shoulder.

Kili, however, did not laugh.

"We-ell…" Kili stumbled through trying to think of what to say to his brother.

"Why are you in such a rush? Did a certain she-elf send you a scandalous letter?" Fili winked, poking at Kili.

Kili batted away his hands, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. "No, I'm- um- looking for Magdalen."

The playful smiling died on Fili's face, fading into a deep frown. Fili cleared his throat, letting a blank expression take over his face.

"She's not in the library?" He tried to sound nonchalant.

Kili shook his head, taking note of the concern that filled his older brother's mind. "I've searched the whole mountain and can't seem to find her," Kili explained.

Fili's face twitched he looked off to the side, rubbing his neck. Kili knitted his eyebrows, Fili knew something he did not. Kili would have to push his buttons to find out.

"I'm worried about her." Kili started grabbing Fili's attention immediately.

"Thorin told me that Magdalen asked his permission to leave the leaves in a couple of days." Kili dropped casually.

Fili stopped his fidgeting immediately, his face paling.

"What?" Fili's voice strained.

Kili hid his satisfied smile. "I need to find her, and talk some sense into her."

Fili nodded slowly looking down the length of the hallway. "Why would she do that?" He didn't hide the discontent in his voice.

Kili shrugged his wide shoulders. "I don't know, but I need to find her." He pressed into his brother.

Fili sighed, tapping his fingers anxiously. "I might know where she is."

Magdalen always enjoyed the peaceful serenity of nature, but she had never been fond of the dark. In the shadows anything could hide, anything could watch her. That feeling left her less than thrilled. But she found that in her small garden she didn't mind the night. Looking around at her garden bathed in the blue moonlight, the shadows seemed to bring her comfort. They hide in them, memories too painful for her to recall.

As of late, nighttime was the only time she could bring herself to the garden. Lying in the grass, staring up at the stars reminded her of her childhood. When her grandfather would take her and Susan out to the field to watch shooting stars. A simpler time in her complex life.

Currently, Magdalen stared up at the branches of the tree, following their limbs back the base of the tree. Her bored mind counted the small blossoms of pink on her tree. Her head pressed into the soft grass bed, she left the life of the mountain pulsing beneath her.

She could picture in her mind the dwarves dearest to her heart smiling and enjoying themselves on the calm night. A part of her wished to be with them, smiling and being normal. Magdalen felt herself beginning to become centered once again. After Thorin told her he would think about her request, it was like the clouds had lifted. Her grandfather had once told her that she couldn't run away from her problems, but at this moment she thought otherwise.

She had convinced herself that this trip hadn't been her escape. That she just wanted to fill her thirst for adventure.

Adventure? You fell into a book that your grandfather read to you as a child. She thought bitterly to herself.

She huffed pushing herself onto her side. Magdalen pressed her eyes closed, trying to free her mind off her thoughts. That was until she heard the familiar cracking of rock as the hidden door opened. Magdalen shot up, had Fili come to the garden? She hadn't seen him there since Tearsa's arrival, so why now had he come. Magdalen scrambled to her feet, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. Her hands clenched, feeling the pulse of her skin.

Stepping into the moonlight was Kili, looking around amazed by what he saw before him. His eyes settling on her. Her heart slowed, almost in disappointment.

"Kili, how did you find me?" She tilted her head.

No one knew about her place other than Fili, and Bilbo. She paused her eyes dropping to the grass, "Fili must have told you then." She guessed turning her back to Kili, focusing on her beautiful blue tulips.

"No one was supposed to know about this place." She grumbled to herself. Yet another promise he had broken, she wondered why she was surprised at this point.

"Aye, Maggie I have been looking for you all day. I've been worried about you." Kili stated marching up behind her.

Magdalen glanced over her shoulder at her friend, raising an eyebrow. "Worry about me, Kili? What have I done this time." She laughed.

Kili wasn't amused by her was growing tired of both Fili and Magdalen's dodging of their emotions.

"Magdalen, I know you want to leave the mountain."

Magdalen wasn't stopped by his statement, continuing to watch her flowers sway gently. She shrugged.

"Yes, I do. So what?" She spat.

Kili stared at her bewildered. "So what? So what! Magdalen, a journey to the Shire takes two months and then you'll probably stay there for two or three weeks. I'm sure Bilbo will want to take you to see Riverdale,and that will be another week. And another trip back, you'll be gone for half of a year. You'll miss so much... You will miss Fili's wedding." He knew what he was saying, he wanted to get a reaction. Something from her, he wanted to help her. But he wasn't going to ruin his brother's engagement without full proof of his theory.

Magdalen snapped her head in his direction, wide saucers taking up her eyes shining brightly. "I have to leave Kili, I can't stay here anymore." She growled through gritted teeth,

Kili groaned in frustration. "Why not Maggie, why are you leaving us?" He begged.

Tears gathered in her eyes, Magdalen bit her lip. She was so tired of crying, she was tired of feeling empty. Tired of sleepless nights, tired of threats made against her.

"I can't..." Her voice was small and empty.

"You can, Magdalen. Please let me help you. Please stay."

Magdalen began to pace, suddenly feeling the stone walls of her garden being to close in on her.

Tell him. A voice, almost, foreign to her whispered in her mind.

Kili began a diatribe about how she couldn't leave them behind, how they needed her just as much as she needed them.

Magdalen pulled at her braid, letting the words that haunted her so much slip from her lips."It's Fili alright... I'm leaving because of him."

Kili paused, his hands slowly coming to his side. "I don't understand?"

He did understand.

"I LOVE HIM."

Magdalen screamed, knowing no one could hear her. Her breathing was uneven and animalistic.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with him. And I certainly don't want to love him now, but here we are!" She spat, her lips beginning to tremble.

Magdalen met the eyes of Kili, and could no longer hold back the flood. A terrible sob broke from her chest, dread tightened around her body.

"Is that what you wanted to hear? Okay, yeah, I love your brother." Venom dripped from her words.

She hated herself for the truth of the matter.

"I can't watch him marry her. That horrible woman!" Magdalen sobbed, her body shaking violently.

After a moment she continued. "Having stupid beautiful babies and a perfect life. Kili I can't even bear to see him smile anymore. How can I grow old and watch him live his happily ever after without me?"

She felt like a fool. She was a grown woman crying over a guy, but she could no longer deny her feelings for Fili. They were the realist thing, she had ever felt for another person.

"I can't, I can't do it, Kili. It hurts so badly." Her voice cracked, her chest contorting in pain.

Kili scooped Magdalen into his arms, rocking her gently back and forth, trying his back to comfort her. They stayed like that for a while, Magdalen's cries subsided as she calmed.

"Magdalen, I'm so sorry," Kili whispered into her hair.

Magdalen only cried in response.

"Look at me," Kili commanded gently, pushing her back with his hands making her bloodshot eyes met his.

"You can't leave." He started, Magdalen shook her head ready to shoot away words. She had made up her mind.

Kili held up his hand to stop her. "Please, just another week here in the mountain… and then you can go to the Shire."

Magdalen thought over his words, a week would make no difference. Fili would still be marrying Tearsa, and she would still be heartbroken.

"I don't know, Kili." She cautioned.

"Maggie, please just a week," Kili begged.

Magdalen looked into his hazel eyes, sniffing away the tears that still streamed down her face. She looked down at their hands. Then she said something Kili had prayed for since he had begun his search for her that morning.

"One week, and then I'm gone."