...
...
Sans could tell she was trying not to cry the moment she entered the corridor. The kid took a brief moment in the shadows, but he could hear the sniffled, the uneven breath. And then she took a step forward, crossing through the light. Sans saw the tears glistening at the edges of her eyes but she really was trying her best. Her best to stay standing. Her best to keep pressing forward. Her best to stay determined.
But, two steps, and her knees momentarily faltered. The kid caught herself, but then instantly gave up and fell to her knees anyways.
Sans could hear the sniffles increase as she took in sharp breaths, trying to stifle her hiccups. Eventually she lowered her face into her hands. Sans glanced away, trying to pretend for both of them that he wasn't there to witness this. To give her a mental barrier of privacy. His eyes scaled up one of the tall pillars. Thanks to them, the light and shadow always seemed to cross over like bars.
A few minutes passed and the kid began to lower her hands. She was still obviously sniffling, but she stared blankly at the ground in front of her as her breathing tried to catch up to whatever numbness that had seemed to seep through her. Her eyes closed and she stayed kneeling, not even acknowledging Sans' presence but he knew she was aware that he was there.
Perhaps... she would Load. And he wouldn't even remember seeing her like this.
Yeah, she would collect herself, Load, and pretend to both her and him that this had never happened.
But she kept her eyes shut, she kept breathing, she kept silent.
There was a twist in Sans' not-stomach.
He suddenly didn't think... she would.
Sans began to walk forward with caution and once he got closer, the kid's eyes opened and she looked up. Sans could see her miserable expression past her bangs.
"I shouldn't have come back..." She whispered finally. Sans hesitated again where he stood. He had every chance and motive to pretend that he had absolutely not a clue as to what she was referring to. But somehow...
Sans walked over and with a groan he sat down beside her as she continued to kneel, now looking down at her hands.
"...well, why did you?" Sans finally asked. Her eyes closed again and it looked as if a large weight had slipped silently onto their back. "it's just... you must have thought it important enough at the time."
"I... I just couldn't let it go." She stated. "I stood there, and they were talking about us.. moving on to our next stage of life. Exploring all of our possibilities and thinking about where we would go. But... How could I? When in reality, I was still here?" She crossed her arms, basically hugging herself. "Always here."
"..." Sans glanced around the corridor, towards the door that lead into the King's garden. The kid's breath shuttered again as something pained raced through her.
"I just wanted to make it better... but I think all I did was make it worse."
"what do you mean?" Sans asked in honest surprise. He had a list of things in his head that he was pretty sure hadn't happened last time because they had seemed to surprise her as well. Undyne for one. But those had been noticeably good things.
"People care about me." The kid whimpered.
"aaaand that's a bad thing?" The kid took a moment the gather herself before she could answer.
"It's all going to be the same: Asgore will be dead, the Souls will be gone, but..." She closed her eyes tightly for a moment and once she reopened them, "But now, like Undyne, all she had when I left was blaming me. She could at least blame... And just... last time when I left, it was easier to ignore. Because I couldn't come back. Maybe I missed people, but they didn't miss... me. Not in the same, the s-same way." She wiped at her eye.
"... well, i don't really have answer to that. except with undyne, don't you think that it would be better if she and papyrus agreed?" The kid blinked and looked at him questioningly. "look, let's face the fact that even if you had completely ignored my brother, he still would have missed you. no matter what. don't you think that it would be less stressful for just about everyone if undyne didn't go around blaming you? for her, too. that hatred thing and blaming you is, frankly, bull shit. kid, no matter what happens.. it's going to hurt. but it isn't going to be your fault."
The strange, almost angry sensation in his ribcage that had been twisting as he had spoke began to ease as he stared ahead, almost in surprise of his own conviction. He even blinked.
All this time, he had blamed the anomaly. Anything wrong was their fault, in the end. It was their power and responsibility to make sure things went right. But... Sans knew how hypocritical that was.
He couldn't expect them to make it all right and stop the Resets at the same time.
And the anomaly... was now the kid. However that worked.
And all of this literally ahead of them, the King, the Barrier, everything... was not their fault.
"you tried. you did make it better. it won't all be the same, it can't be. because you're not the same person."
Sans finally looked back towards her, meeting her uncertain gaze. Her eyes reflected something painfully, but at the same time she clung to every word.
"just accept that it isn't going to be perfect, it's impossible to get something perfect out of this mess. and it isn't your fault." He reiterated. "and it isn't worse because people care about you. you just have to go home, and make what you have to do worth it. because we're still rooting for you."
He paused, debating his words but then knew he had to. Because he suddenly understood all of his feelings towards her.
When the Reset had happened, he had been surprised but not betrayed... But that uneasiness. The anomaly always Reset. Always to get what they wanted. They repeated and repeated and repeated. To get what they wanted...
"and when you leave... if we really are friends... you won't come back."
"I-" She looked like he had just stabbed her with bone through the chest, the pain was intense in her eyes and it seemed as if she was silently begging him to take it back. But she couldn't...
"you remember what i said? about my promise to the old lady? about you? your dilemma?" She nodded slowly. "well, i'm taking the dilemma from you. you go, you do what you have to, and once you leave, you leave." Her shoulders and face fell.
"I understand..."
He put a hand on her shoulder.
"now that doesn't mean you can't check in now and again." He stated. She lifted her face, not sure of what he meant. He squeezed her shoulder briefly to encourage her. He smiled genuinely for her and tilted his head. "why just wonder if papyrus stayed the same or not when you can just call and ask?"
The pain in her expression began to dissipate and a light shone in her eyes as she realized that he was not cutting her off entirely.
Simply... let time move forward for good this time.
She began to rub at her eyes again and she nodded.
"I promise." She said. Sans removed his hand from her shoulder and looked back down at his slippers as she recollected herself once more.
"...how long was it?" He finally asked. The kid paused but then looked up at him curiously. "how many... years did you take-.. give up?"
"Seven." She answered sadly. "And I... spent maybe five of it thinking maybe you hated me, too."
Sans hummed, unable to really deny that it was at all a possibility. Because it was entirely possible. And with all of his not-straight-answers, someone dissecting his words over and over again could get way too much out of it if they just had context.
"well.. even if i did." He smiled again widely for her. "just think of it as something else you changed for the better."
She examined him, not seeming sure he meant it but then after a moment she smiled brokenly before taking in a deep, shaky breath and wiped at her eyes once more. She then began to stand up shakily. Sans watched her go, something twisting in his not-stomach. But then, she turned around again timidly, eyeing him and seeming to have something else to say. But then she just smiled sadly again, and reached out her hand. Her fingers clasped together and 'pulled' a pocket of air downwards in front of her. Saving.
Sans sighed and closed his eyes, a weight slipping off of him. He hadn't realized how much he had needed her to do that.
She wasn't going to Reset...
And he was always going to remember this.
She began forward again, not entirely weightless as he was, but still, this time her determination did not falter.
And Sans still may not have had all or even any of the answers she needed, but at the very least, he sat there believing she could in fact do the right thing.