Author's Note: I know last chapter was super emotional so just hang in there. Things got a little more difficult in this one on a whole new level. A huge revelation for Emma in this chapter. This chapter's a little shorter but completely worth it. I think the Homecoming dance will either be in the next chapter or the one after that. I'm still deciding. We'll see.
swanqueen4: Thank you so much! It was just as much of a tear jerker for me as well. I had the confrontation between Tony and Emma planned out for months in my head but actually putting it to words was immensely hard.
writeremma: You're going to be severely disappointed in this chapter then but things will start looking up within the next couple chapters. I promise.
Spawn Hades: Well... kind of. Peter's definitely going to have that moment but I'm not going to exactly say because I don't want to give anything away. You'll see within the next couple of chapters.
peoplers: Yeah, definitely. I think she was hurt that Tony recruited Peter sort of like a child soldier like Emma was. She was upset because he didn't really give her any consideration.
boxofpotter: Last chapter was super hard for me to write but I finally managed to do it. It took me longer than originally thought but I liked the way it turned out.
SabrinaInWonderland001: I don't know if Emma really hates Tony that much or if she could never forgive him. I think she misses the others a lot and she takes that out on him. After the events of Homecoming I think they'll start mending their relationship and becoming even closer. Peter was definitely help them get over their differences. Thank you so much for your feedback. That's such a nice compliment to hear.
XxRikela-ChanxX: I think Darcy is a good female figure for Emma because she doesn't really have many of those in her life.
gossamermouse101: Don't worry. I cried just as much writing this chapter. I had to listen to a lot of The Kinks to make me feel better. One of the most underrated bands of all times but they sure are like comfort food to my ears. lol.
: I think this chapter's going to be even more on the edge of your seat. Emotionally wise anyways.
Ariel-Sarina-Jen: Thanks! You're too kind. I'm glad you like the story so much. I never planned on having Emma's backstory be so long before meeting Peter but it just turned out that way. I think I was originally thinking 15,000 words before she meets Peter but then it turned into a backstory of over 100,000 words I think. I'm glad with the way it turned out though. This has to be my favorite story that I've ever written. Thank you for reading.
Thanks for all the reviews and please let me know what you think of the new chapter. Enjoy.
"Miss Lewis, you seem like a level headed young woman." Principal Morita told Emma as sat in the principal's office the next day. Last night she had slept the hardest she had ever slept in her life. She supposed crying that much would do something like that to a person. So much had happened the day before that Emma was still trying to process everything… she was still trying to figure out what she was going to do. Needing time to figure out her next move, Emma had also been ignoring all of Peter's texts and calls. Emma wanted to answer his calls and texts but she didn't know how. She didn't know what to say to him or how to hide the embarrassment she had that he had seen her in one of her most vulnerable states.
"So I can't understand your actions. First, leaving your hotel room in D.C. and now ditching detention. Do you care explain yourself, Miss Lewis?" Principal Morita asked Emma seriously and Emma just shrugged as she feigned a regretful look.
"I don't know, Principal Morita. I suppose that it's just been tough moving away from home and trying to fit in." Emma told him in a soft tone, playing the part of a guilty and lost teenage girl. "I've been having kind of a hard problem with trying to find my place here but that in no way excuses my behavior." This was who she was. Emma wasn't a hero and she never would be. She was a manipulator and talented liar… she was what Hydra had made her to be. She'd never be able to wipe the red out of her ledger because there was too much red there. The idea that she could be anything more than what Hydra made her was laughable.
"I can understand that but if you were having problems trying to assimilate here at Midtown, you could've talked to one of the counselors." Principal Morita told her and Emma looked down at her hands, pretending to be ashamed.
"I'm sorry. I just don't like discussing my personal problems with strangers." Well, at least part of that was true.
"Just don't let this happen again, Miss Lewis." Principal Morita said in a stern tone but his eyes were compassionate as he looked at the blonde. Emma nodded. "You seem like a good kid so I'll give you another chance. Just report to detention after school but actually stay this time."
"Of course, Principal Morita." Emma said gratefully and he gave her a small smile.
"Now get to class. We can't have you be late on top of everything else." He replied and Emma immediately got up from the seat in front of his desk.
"Thank you." Emma responded as her eyes rested on one of the pictures placed on his wall. It was the picture of Steve, her father, and the rest of the howling commandos. She felt her heart clench at the sight as she was reminded yet again of their absence. It seemed like everywhere she looked these days she was reminded of them. Emma would give anything just to be back with the both of them again. She didn't let the sadness show in her eyes as she started heading towards the door.
"Could you send the next student in, Miss Lewis?" Principal Morita asked her politely and Emma forced a smile as she nodded.
"Yes. Have a nice day, sir." Emma told him and he gave her a quick nod as she opened the door.
"You too." Emma then proceeded to walk out of the Principal's office and stepped into the main office. She took a deep breath as she stood out in the hallway. It seemed to be getting harder and harder for Emma to keep herself together these days. If seeing a picture of Steve and her father managed to make her feel this terrible then she was clearly losing her touch. What was happening to her? She used to be so amazing at hiding everything but now it seemed to be real struggle for her to do so.
"Emma?" Emma immediately turned to look and noticed Peter sitting in one of the chairs outside the Principal's office. She wanted to roll her eyes. It looked like it was going to be way harder to avoid him than she previously thought. Peter stared at her with a look of concern in his eyes. The look of concern in Peter's eyes made Emma uncomfortable because she knew he had questions. Questions that Emma really didn't feel like answering.
"Principal Morita will see you now." Emma told him coldly and Peter was immediately taken back by the coldness in her tone. The blonde was never the easiest person to talk to but Peter felt like she was opening up to him more and more lately.
"I've been trying to call you." Peter told her, trying to get some answers from her but Emma just stared at him blankly.
"I've been busy." She deadpanned but it was obvious to Peter that she was lying. He had spent so much time around her the past couple weeks that it was becoming more and more easy for him to tell when she was lying. "You should probably go see Principal Morita. I don't think you should keep him waiting." Emma then started walking past Peter to go to her first period class without so much as another glance and that bothered Peter beyond belief. She was almost acting like they were strangers or something.
"Emma!" Peter called out to her and Emma immediately stopped, she squeezed her eyes close before opening them again. The blonde immediately turned around and gave Peter an annoyed look.
"What, Parker?" Emma asked, her tone sounding irritated. Peter was taken back by her tone and immediately felt speechless. He shook his head furiously.
"Nothing… uh… see you at lunch, I guess." Peter responded and Emma just stared at him, her eyes much colder than usual. She didn't even respond to Peter's awkward statement as she turned back around and started walking in the opposite direction. Peter was left to watch as the blonde walked further and further away. He didn't really understand what her problem was. Peter knew that she had quite the row with Mr. Stark but he didn't think Emma was the type of person to let something like that get her down. No, something else had to be going on with her. Peter just didn't know what.
After carefully avoiding Peter, which was difficult since they had a few classes together and detention, Emma immediately left school to head for a local coffee shop a few blocks over. It had been hard avoiding Peter in detention especially since she felt his eyes on her the whole time. Emma sat far away from him in the back and drew in her sketchbook the whole time. The instant Coach Wilson announced detention was over, Emma didn't waste anytime getting out of there before Peter could talk to her. A confrontation with Peter wasn't what she needed right now.
The coffee shop Emma entered was the same one where she usually ordered her Italian Bulls from but she hadn't really ever sat and spent time there before. It was an older coffee shop that a lot of hipsters seemed to frequent but it was more quieter than other coffee shops in the area and the baristas were never rude. As Emma entered the coffee shop she immediately spotted the person she was meeting. The person in question raised their hand, waving her over and Emma immediately headed towards the back of the shop.
"There you are." Susan Winters said to her as Emma took a seat across from her at the table Susan occupied. Emma hadn't seen Susan since the parking garage in Germany, right outside the airport, but she managed to stay in contact with her. The two had texted each other on a weekly basis although both were busy. Susan with work in San Francisco and Emma with balancing school and Viper Assassin business. Fortunately Susan was back in town for an expo her boss had wanted to attend. Emma noticed the raven haired woman didn't look that much different than she had the last time Emma had seen her. She just look a bit more tired.
"Hey, Susan." Emma greeted.
"God, I feel like you've grown since last time I saw you." Susan remarked as she looked the blonde over. It was true. Emma looked much different than the last time Susan saw her. Maybe it was because she was dressed more like how a teenage girl dressed with her bubble gum pink skater skirt, black velvet long sleeve shirt, and black velvet ankle high boots. The blonde also wore more make-up than Susan had ever seen her wear. Well, now that Susan thought about it she didn't think she had ever seen Emma wear make-up before. Susan supposed that Emma was just trying to play the part of a normal teenage girl but it still bewildered her as to how adult looking Emma looked. It also saddened Susan to see Emma's eyes which were the same eyes that Steve had. She was instantly reminded of the blonde super soldier turned war criminal that she desperately missed.
"Nope. I'm still the same size as last time." Emma told her and Susan just nodded slowly, still trying to come to terms with how fast Emma was growing up. She first met Emma when the blonde was only thirteen and now Emma was almost sixteen. It was almost surreal as to how fast Emma was growing up and Susan was completely sure that Emma must've had a lot of options for dates at that high school of hers. Steve certainly wouldn't be happy to hear that.
"It's been a while since we've last seen each other." Susan said quietly and Emma nodded.
"I guess it has been." Emma replied.
"I ordered you an Italian Bull. I remember Steve always complaining about how unhealthy those things were for you so I figured you might like one." Susan told her and Emma smiled. It was true. Steve had always hated when she would drink energy drunks. He called them liquid garbage for the human body.
"Yeah, he absolutely hated them. I mostly just drank them to piss him off." Emma said as she recalled the memory of the pinched expression on Steve's face whenever she drank an energy drink. "He was so funny when he pretended to be angry with me." Susan smiled at the affectionate look on Emma's face.
"Do you miss him?" Susan asked her quietly and Emma snapped out of her thoughts to look back at the dark haired woman. For some reason Emma always felt like she could talk to Susan about anything. It was just the kind of aura Susan had about her. She was kind and compassionate which was why Emma never minded the budding romance between Steve and Susan.
"All the time." Emma admitted without hesitation. "Where ever I go I see reminders of both him and my father. I can't seem to think of anything else these days."
"Have you heard anything?" Susan inquired and Emma sighed.
"Natasha came to D.C. when I was there on a school trip. It was a secret visit so not even Stark knows. She just told me he was doing fine. It's not like she could tell me where he was and I understand that. If I knew exactly where he was, I wouldn't be wasting my time at school." Emma told Susan and despite Susan feeling a bit more relieved to know that Steve was okay, she noticed something a bit more obvious about Emma. She noticed that Emma seemed more bitter than she had ever seemed before.
"Steve wouldn't want you to go looking for him." Susan told her honestly and Emma just shook her head.
"I know that but he doesn't know how hard this is for me." Emma replied and Susan gave Emma a concerned look.
"What's hard?" Susan asked her, trying to get to the bottom of Emma's apparent bitterness. Emma clenched her jaw as she glared down at the table.
"Everything. Going to school… pretending all the time… living my life without him and my father." Emma confessed and Susan felt sad for the blonde. It wasn't really fair for Emma to have to be away from her family for a second time in her life. Steve and Bucky were basically all Emma knew… all she had left… and they had been so cruelly taken away from her.
"This won't last forever. It's going to blow over soon. Some other global catastrophe will happen and Tony will need the gang to get back together again. It'll all be forgotten." Susan said, trying to comfort Emma but Emma didn't look that comforted.
"It couldn't happen soon enough." Emma muttered and before Susan could reply one of the baristas came over to drop off their drinks, setting an Italian Bull in front of Emma and a coffee in front of Susan. Susan smiled in thanks at the barista before the barista went back to tend to one of the espresso machines.
"You're going to be fine, Emma. You always land on your feet." Susan told her with a bright reassuring smile. Susan always seemed to have a way with words which was probably another reason why Steve was so smitten with her but Emma found that not even Susan could really comfort her in a time like this.
"I saw on the news that you, Tony, and Spider-Man saved that ferry from sinking. You seem to be doing okay." Susan continued to tell her but Emma knew that that wasn't the half of it. The news seemed to leave out the fact that it was kind of her and Peter's fault as to why the ferry started sinking in the first place. Susan seemed to think that she and Tony weren't doing that badly and Emma didn't want to worry or disappoint her by telling her the truth. Susan probably had enough to worry about back in San Francisco.
"So… enough about me. How's life in San Francisco?" Emma inquired politely and Susan smiled at her.
"Well, things have been tough since Scott went on the run but Hank and I have been experimenting with his new…" Emma tried to force herself to pay attention to Susan's words but she couldn't help but let thoughts drift elsewhere. A part of her had wanted to ask Susan if she could stay with her for a while but Emma noticed that Susan seemed to be doing quite well for herself. Emma didn't want to spoil that by burdening Susan with her presence. Emma knew more than well that she would be nothing but a dark cloud looming over Susan's happiness. The blonde was in no place to be pleasant company so she would just have to figure out what else to do because Emma really didn't have a clue as to what she wanted to do. She had never felt so lost and unsure of herself in her life.
Peter noticed that Emma was making herself very scarce after the confrontation between them and Mr. Stark. At lunchtime she seemed to make herself absent from the lunch table she usually sat at with him, Ned, and Michelle. When Peter asked Michelle where Emma was the dark haired girl just shrugged and told him that she wasn't obsessed enough with Emma to stalk her. Even so, Peter couldn't help but notice that Michelle appeared slightly worried when she said that although she hid it well.
Peter saw Emma during their classes together but the blonde pointedly ignored his gaze and didn't even turned around when he threw paper balls at her back in Spanish. Usually she would turn around and glare at him when he did that but she didn't even seem to care now. When they had to work together in History class, Emma remained cordial and professional but Peter could hear the coldness in her tone when she spoke to him. Gym and Chemistry she just seemed to keep to herself, not even sticking by Michelle's side and talking to her friend like she normally did. It was certainly odd behavior and Peter didn't know how much more he could take of it.
Emma was slowly driving him insane so Wednesday after detention Peter quickly rushed after her before she could get away. She was walking down the hall when Peter shoved her into one of the empty classrooms. Emma stumbled into the classroom, surprised by the sudden and rough action. She immediately glared at Peter but her death glare didn't frighten him anymore, he held his ground and glared right back at her after shutting the door behind them.
"You have some nerve, Parker. The last person who put their hands on me got the shit knocked out of them so I'd tread very carefully." She said threateningly but Peter wasn't scared of her. He knew her. She made a point of trying to scare people away but it wasn't going to work this time.
"What's wrong with you?" Peter asked her suddenly and Emma just stared at him.
"What?" She asked. Peter crossed his arms as he continued glaring at the blonde.
"You've been avoiding me the past couple days and I think I deserve an explanation as to why." Peter told her in a demanding tone. Emma couldn't believe that now was the time Peter decided to stick up for himself and be more authoritative. Now of all times. She then proceeded to roll her eyes at him.
"I don't have time for this." Emma grumbled as she tried walking past him but he stopped her from leaving. Peter easily shoved her back, not letting her leave the room. Emma narrowed her eyes at the teenage boy.
"You want to keep that hand of yours?" Emma said in a dangerous tone but she still wasn't scaring Peter. It seemed like all the defensive tactics she had come up with were having no effect on Peter… not this time.
"Tell me." He demanded and if Emma wasn't pissed off at Peter's inquisition than she might've been a little attracted to this new side of him. The way his brown eyes hardened as he glared down at her, his clenched jaw, and the way his nostrils flared. If this wasn't directed towards her than she might really like this new side of Peter Parker. Emma instead continued to glare at Peter, not wanting to him to think he could intimidate her.
"Don't you see? It's over." Emma said seethingly and Peter's glare faded from his face as he looked at her in confusion.
"What?" He questioned and Emma shook her head.
"It's over. This whole superhero thing with saving the world… it's over. It was actually pretty stupid now that that I think about it." Emma told him and Peter just stared at her.
"Well, I know that it's definitely put on hold for now but I don't get why you're avoiding me. I know you're avoiding Michelle too and even though she says she doesn't care I know she does." Peter told her, trying to scold her for her actions but Emma wasn't going to let herself feel guilty even though she secretly might've felt the tiniest bit guilty over her actions. It wasn't like she'd ever admit that to Peter.
"It's put on hold forever… at least for me." Emma told him, her blue eyes locked onto his brown ones. Peter furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at her in confusion.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked her and Emma scoffed.
"Stark's going to give you back your suit, Peter. Maybe not today but in a year or two… once he's seen you mature." Emma replied honestly. "But he's never going to give me back my suit."
"Yes, he will." Peter argued but Emma didn't look the least bit convinced.
"No, he's not. Why should he? It's not like I could ever be the hero in real life… it was nice to play pretend but it's a pipe dream. I'm not my grandfather and I never will be." Peter furiously shook his head.
"That's not true. You're a good person, Emma." Peter told her and that's what made this harder. Emma just smiled at him but it didn't reach her eyes.
"I'm really not, Peter. I've done terrible things… things that would make you question whether or not you'd even want to be in the same room as me." Emma responded bitterly.
"I don't care!" Peter told her as he took a step forward, looking determined. "It's all in the past. You're not like that anymore."
"But I am, Peter." Emma replied, her eyes seeming sad and regretful as she looked back at him. "The Winter Soldier isn't just Winter to me… he's my father. Winter is my father in everything except flesh and blood." Peter stared at her in shock as she told him this. That was one of the last things he had expected to hear. And to think he thought the relationship between Emma and the Winter Soldier was somewhat more romantic. He should've known Emma and the Winter Soldier had more of a familial bond.
"He practically raised me in that Hydra base. Everything was always so cold but he was like a warm light… protective and caring. He never really said much but he didn't need to." Emma said before continuing, her eyes filled with tears at the thought of her father. "He's the first person I ever allowed myself to love. Love is a weakness but I allowed myself one exception because he means the world to me."
"Hydra recognized that weakness and they used it against us. We've lied and killed for each other and I would do it all over again if it meant that he could be safe." Emma said and Peter completely believed her. The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know."When he was being accused of blowing up that UN building, I didn't even care whether or not he did it. I knew that I would tear apart cities, swim across oceans, and kill whoever I had to if it meant that he could come home to me. What kind of hero thinks like that?" Peter was silent for a moment as he stared at the teary eyed blonde. There was no doubt in his mind that she meant every word she said. He swallowed nervously before answering.
"When you love and care about someone you're just more passionate than most people. There's nothing wrong with that." Peter told her honestly and that hadn't been the answer Emma wanted to hear. She just shook her head at him.
"There is something wrong with that. I'm not like you, Peter." Emma argued. "I don't have a moral compass. I don't know right from wrong. Hydra taught me not to have a moral compass because it makes everything easier… especially killing. I'm not meant to be the hero."
"Don't say that." Peter replied, his tone sad as he looked at the tormented blonde.
"It's true. I was never meant to be the hero and everyone knows that. Stark's right." Emma told Peter. "I'm going to be the person you're probably going to have to save the world from. I'll have the evil lair because when you've grown up in an evil lair it's probably inevitable that you'd have one as an adult."
"You're wrong… more than you know." Peter argued, not wanting to let Emma actually believe that about herself. "I know that you care about people. You effortlessly saved all those people from drowning on the main deck of the ferry. That's not someone who ends up as a villain."
"It doesn't make up for all the bad things I've done." Emma responded and Peter shook his head.
"But you can still redeem yourself." Peter shot back and Emma scoffed as she laughed humorlessly.
"Redeem myself? Redemption is a joke. I can't wipe that much red out of my ledger. Nothing I do will ever erase all the pain and terror I've left in my wake. Nothing." Emma said darkly. Peter didn't know how she could think so little of herself… how she could think of herself as someone incapable of doing anything good.
"I don't care what you've done, Emma." Peter told her softly. "All that matters to me is who you are now and the person I see in front of me is someone who's done terrible things but who also wants to overcome her past and do good."
"Don't believe in me, Peter. I'll only disappoint you." Emma said harshly before her gaze softened as she looked at the hopeful brown eyed boy. "You're going to be an amazing Avenger one day. You'll be an amazing leader too and you might even give Steve a run for his money. I'll probably be a mercenary for hire but I'll try to stay out of your way. I have a feeling you'd put up a pretty good fight against me. You might even win."
"I want you to be an Avenger with me." Peter said as he tried to be strong when arguing with Emma. She was the kind of person that you just couldn't win an argument against. She made everything so difficult. "We're supposed to be partners, remember? Like Batman and Catwoman." Emma fought against the way he was tugging on her heartstrings with that sad and hurt puppy dog expression on his face.
"I'm not a good partner to have. I'll only hold you back." Emma told him truthfully. "It's better that we go our separate ways."
"No." Peter protested weakly, taken back by what Emma was actually saying. Tears flooded his eyes as he looked at the blonde who was currently avoiding his gaze. It was true that their partnership had started out as a truce of sorts but Peter had quickly come to think of Emma of a close friend. It also didn't help that he had formed something of a crush on her which only confused him even more given his crush on Liz as well.
"Yes. You're better off without me." Emma told him quietly.
"No, I'm not." Peter tried to argue. "I thought we were friends, Emma." It was then that Emma tensed and a cold look came over her face as she looked past him.
"I don't have friends." Emma told him coldly before she walked past him, not sparing him another look. Peter just stood there staring at the wall in shock and hurt as she walked past him, not believing what just happened. He couldn't see but as Emma walked away a single tear escaped her eye and trailed down her face as she left the empty classroom. Emma wouldn't admit it but that hurt more than she thought it would but it was necessary. She had to distance herself from Peter. It was true… he really was better off without her and she was sure he would see that eventually.
Emma noticed that Peter seemed to get the hint because he didn't text her again or even try to call her. The next day when they were in class, Peter didn't even glance in her direction or try to get attention. It was clear that things were different now and Peter was probably pissed at her for leaving like that as well as saying the things she had. It was a good thing that he was angry at her. At least it would make everything much easier. Peter didn't need to waste his time worrying about her because Emma knew that she was a lost cause. Steve had tried again and again to get her to open up but she never did… not completely. There was a lot about her that not even Steve knew and that was probably for the best. There was some stuff about her that her father didn't know either and she never wanted to tell either of them. She feared their reaction.
"Are you done brooding?" Michelle asked Emma boredly and Emma immediately snapped out of her thoughts to look at her. They were currently in the lunch room which Emma was begrudgingly allowed herself to sit in since she refused to starve herself just because she was trying to avoid Peter. He wasn't going to get the lunch room in the divorce even though everything was kind of her fault.
"Excuse me?" Emma asked her, her tone was bitchy but Michelle wasn't intimidated. She just stared unflinchingly at Emma.
"You've been brooding like Mr. Darcy for the past couple days. I was just wondering who managed to piss you off so much that you can just sit there and glare at your lunch all day." Michelle told her and Emma smirked at her.
"I didn't know you read Pride and Prejudice, MJ. I never took you as a romantic." Emma replied and Michelle glared at her.
"It's a classic. Everyone's read it." Michelle defended before continuing. "Stop deflecting."
"Nothing's wrong." Emma replied shortly but Michelle clearly didn't believe her. She narrowed her eyes at the blonde before glancing at Peter who was sitting as far as he possibly could from them without leaving the table. Ned also seemed pretty mystified by the situation since he also glanced in their direction a few times.
"Really? Is that why Peter's not drooling all over you like usual?" Emma glared at Michelle.
"Parker doesn't drool over me." Emma argued but Michelle just smirked at her.
"Yeah, right. It's almost like he's obsessed with you or something." Michelle told Emma before pausing for a brief moment. "You know, I used to think it was all one sided but now I'm not so sure."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Emma questioned, her voice low and dangerous but Michelle just continued to smirk at her.
"I'm just saying that I think that you might have a thing for dorky, nervous science nerds. That's all." Emma scoffed.
"Don't be stupid." Emma replied and Michelle just shook her head.
"Seriously though… what's going on with you two? One day you're ditching detention together and then the next you couldn't be further apart. I thought you two were friends?" Michelle questioned and Emma's gaze hardened as she stared at the table in front of her.
"We aren't friends." Emma said bitterly. "We were never friends." Michelle raised her hands defensively at Emma's bitter tone even though she didn't quite believe Emma when Emma said that. Emma seemed way too close to Peter to not be friends.
"Okay, okay. Relax… I was just asking." Unknown to them, a certain teenage boy heard every word they said. Peter's eyes were filled with hurt as he glared down at his lunch and clenched his jaw. He was hurt because Emma was acting like he meant nothing to her… she was acting like she didn't care about him at all. The girl he had developed feelings for… the girl with the prettiest blue eyes he had ever seen and the most flawless blonde hair in existence. The girl who pretended to be tough but still always knew when to say the right things. The girl who others deemed cold and calculating but who Peter knew to have the kindest of hearts. Were those all lies? Peter didn't know. When she said such cold and cruel words like she had, however, he couldn't help but feel like he didn't know her at all. If that's the way she wanted it to be then fine. He wouldn't waste his time trying to be her friend ever again. It's not like he meant anything to her after all.
Emma had been sent by Mr. Harrington to retrieve a set of whiteboard markers from one of the psychology teachers down the hall. It was fourth period now and Emma couldn't wait for the school day to finally end so that she could go back to the townhouse and unwind. It seemed like Emma was going to have to resort to just listening to music on her iPod since she kind of broke her record player when she threw it though her bedroom wall. She was already regretting doing that since she couldn't listen to any of her records. Life currently sucked. Emma was just about to walk around a corner of the hallway when some voices immediately stopped her. Peter's voice more specifically.
"I thought you had calculus fourth period?" She heard Peter ask and Emma immediately hid behind the wall. Her main task for school at the moment was avoiding Peter at all costs. She had class with him fourth period as well but being in a crowded classroom with him was more different than sharing an awkward encounter with him alone in a corridor.
"Yeah, I was just doing some homecoming stuff." Emma heard Liz reply and Emma rolled her eyes at the older girl's voice. She couldn't help but feel annoyed by Liz although Emma wasn't exactly sure why. Liz had never done anything wrong and she seemed to be pleasant enough but for some reason Emma couldn't seem to like her. Maybe it was just because she was too nice for Emma's liking. People who were too nice rubbed Emma the wrong way. It was why she instantly hated Vision. Another thought then gave Emma some pause. Peter was nice and he hadn't actually rubbed her the wrong way. Emma was actually quite fond of Peter.
"Hey, look I uh… I just wanted to apologize about the whole decathlon thing." Peter said to Liz as Emma eavesdropped on their private conversation. It wasn't like Emma hadn't eavesdropped on people before but this was a different situation. This was obviously just a normal conversation with a normal fifteen year old boy and his high school crush. The times she eavesdropped on people were normally when there was much more at stake like when she was on missions with her father. Emma didn't think this really counted as high stakes situation so she didn't know why she was still standing there, hidden behind a wall, listening to Peter and Liz. She never cared about people's business before so why now?
"It's fine." Liz replied. "Last week, decathlon was the most important thing, but then I almost died."
"No, I'm-Uh-I-" Peter stuttered nervously before finally getting a hold of himself. "I just mean that… it was not cool." Emma had a curious look on her face as she listened in on Peter. What was he trying to say?
"Especially… because… I like you." Peter finally said and for another reason unknown to Emma, she could feel a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion at the feeling. Could she actually be sad at the statement? Sad? Why should she feel sad at Peter's statement? This had absolutely nothing to do with her.
"I know." Liz told him.
"You do?" Peter asked in confusion.
"You're terrible at keeping secrets." Liz retorted and for some reason Peter felt a little crestfallen at that statement. Maybe it was because that was something a certain blonde was always telling him. Instead of letting his sadness show, he just laughed the feeling off.
"Yeah, you'd be surprised." Peter replied. "I gotta get to class but um… I'd say we should hang out but I'm gonna be in detention forever. I guess you already have a date to homecoming."
"Actually, I was so busy planning it, I never really got around to that so…" Liz trailed off and Emma could feel her breathing hitch, her eyes actually filling with unshed tears as she continued to listen to the private conversation.
"Do you want to… go with me?" Peter asked nervously and normally Emma would find his nervousness adorable but not when it was directed at another girl. Another girl? Emma shook her head furiously as she anxiously wiped the tears from her eyes. What was wrong with her? What had gotten into her? Her throat suddenly felt thick as she was suddenly overcome with so many emotions. None of which she could even begin to describe.
"Yeah. Sure." Liz answered, sounding delighted.
"Really? I mean, great. Cool." Peter said, sounding both excited and more happy than Emma had ever heard him be.
Emma immediately tore herself from the wall and walked back down the way she came. Her heart was pounding against her chest so much that Emma could almost hear it's drumming in her ears. She quickly rushed into one of the girl's empty bathrooms and leaned against a wall for support. What was happening to her? Why did she feel so… weak and… icky? Emma didn't really use the word icky too often because it sounded childish to her ears but Emma couldn't think of another word to describe it. It was then she remembered a conversation she once had with Steve from two years ago.
"Then she actually shoot my shield with a gun. Howard was as bewildered as I was." Steve told Emma as he affectionately remembered another memory of Emma's grandmother. They were both seated at their favorite diner in D.C., eating lunch as they always did before they went to see Peggy. Emma smirked at Steve's story of her grandmother.
"Grandma sounded pretty badass." Emma remarked and Steve just smiled as he nodded.
"Yes, I think it was then that I realized that I was hopelessly in love with her." Emma rolled her eyes at Steve's statement.
"Ugh! Don't ruin a good story by saying that." Emma said as she looked at him in disgust and Steve raised his eyebrows at her.
"What? I'm telling you the story of how I came to fall in love with your grandmother and you somehow find that disgusting? You do realize we're the reason you're here, right?" Steve told her and Emma scoffed.
"Falling in love is a ridiculous notion created by marketing companies of rom-coms and Valentine's day cards. It's only a game for children to play." Emma replied and Steve shook his head.
"How are you this cynical? You're only thirteen years old." Steve said and Emma shrugged.
"I was taught to be cynical… to find love as a weakness. Don't get me wrong. I don't completely look down upon relationships. I mean they have their reproductive value." Emma told Steve bitterly and Steve gave her a look of disbelief.
"You don't believe that." He told her and Emma shrugged.
"Well, it's true. Look at you and Peggy. You fell in love and look where that got you. A bunch of heart break on both sides. She had to move on with her life and marry another man whom she probably wished was you all along." Emma explained to Steve who just stared at Emma, completely bewildered as to how she could actually think like that. "You're stuck in another time as you watch the woman you love slowly wither and die right before your eyes, always wondering what could've been. You can't tell me you're glad you fell in love in the first place." Steve just stared at Emma long and hard, his jaw clenched, before he finally spoke. He needed to get something through that thick head of hers. Emma had spent way too much being taught to thrive off resentment and hatred by Hydra. She needed to learn that love wasn't a weakness... it was a strength.
"You're wrong. I don't regret falling in love with your grandmother at all. I would do it all over again if I had to. You want to know why?" Steve asked her and Emma just stared back, shrugging.
"No. Why?" Emma responded.
"Because I'm sitting in a diner with the product of that relationship. I'm sitting across from the granddaughter of the woman I fell in love with… a granddaughter that she gave me. I always pictured being surrounded by grandchildren someday and although this isn't what I originally pictured, I don't regret any of it." Steve told Emma honestly and she honestly hadn't been expecting an answer like that. Emma wasn't sure what to think of Steve's answer.
"Emma, I'm not going to tell you that it doesn't hurt seeing your grandmother in the state she's in but no one ever said that love came without hurt or heart break. You can't deny yourself the pleasure of falling in love with someone just because you're afraid." Steve continued to tell her as a smile graced his face. Emma felt herself becoming far more invested in this conversation now. Steve made some interesting points and she wanted to get to the bottom of this.
"Okay. Fine, I get it but why my grandmother? What made her so special?"Emma asked him curiously. She didn't mean it in a bad way but she was genuinely curious as to why her grandfather had fallen in love with Peggy of all people. Steve just continued to smile as he remembered those early encounters with Peggy.
"Well, Peggy was many things. She was brave, bold, empowered, and the most intelligent person I had ever met." Steve told Emma as she intently listened to him. "The reason I fell in love with her, however, is because she always looked at me the same. When I was the little guy from Brooklyn and then after the serum… she never looked at me any differently. She saw the good in me and she didn't see anything else."
"After I saved Bucky and the others from that camp, the feelings only intensified. My heart beat a little quicker whenever she was around." Steve said as he recollected the feeling of first becoming attracted to Peggy, right when he was on the cusp of falling in love with her. "I'd go red in the face whenever she came closer to me. And I hated thinking of her being with anyone else."
"Anyone else?" Emma asked in confusion and Steve nodded.
"Yeah, jealousy. I wanted to her to be my girl… no one else's. Of course, if your grandmother had ever heard me say that way back when she'd smack me upside the head. She was always no one's girl and that's what I loved about her. She was so independent... she didn't need saving." Emma took in that information even though she didn't really understand the complexities of adult relationships at the time. One thing, however, stuck in her mind as Steve went on talking about Peggy. It was the subject of jealousy.
"Jealousy?" Emma questioned quietly to herself. It was then that it all hit her at once as her eyes widened in realization. Emma didn't dislike Liz because Liz was too nice. No, Emma disliked Liz because Peter liked her and Emma was pretty sure Liz reciprocated the feeling. Normally Emma would question why she would ever care whether or not Peter had a thing for Liz but Emma knew now what it meant. She didn't want Peter to like Liz… she wanted him to like her. As in she wanted Peter to desire no one else but herself, selfishly. Emma was jealous of Liz which astonished her beyond belief because she didn't know she possessed the capability of being possessive over anyone.
These feelings of jealousy were suffocating to Emma because it forced her to admit to the fact that she must've had feelings for Peter on some level. The idea of having feelings for someone slightly disgusted her but it was true. She had feelings for Peter and everything suddenly made so much sense. The way she felt that slight fluttering in her stomach sometimes when Peter would look at her in a certain way. It wasn't because she was nauseous or sick. No, it was because she felt attracted to him… she liked him. The way her heart sometimes raced when she was around him or the way her heart melted when he looked at her with those kind brown eyes. Emma was going to be sick.
She was attracted to Peter.
How could this happen? She was supposed to be beyond such sentiment but it suddenly didn't seem that way. Emma realized that she was more like Steve than she ever cared to admit. Was it possible that she was softening? She guessed that's what happened when you spent too much time trying to be a normal teenage girl… you started becoming one in one way or the other. Emma supposed it made sense that she started becoming interested in boys and Peter in particular. She spent so much time around him these past couple weeks that it was inevitable and now she had some kind of school girl crush on him.
Emma started panicking as she internally started coming to terms that she was attracted to Peter. Her heart raced as she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Did she love him? No… Emma didn't think she loved him. Not yet at least but if what her grandfather told her was true than it wouldn't be long before she fell in love with Peter and Peter was probably the easiest boy to fall in love with. He was kind and sweet… understanding even. Peter was also easy to talk to and she could actually hold an intelligent conversation with him. He was a dork but Emma liked that about him and not to mention he wasn't bad to look at either. She never thought she was ever capable of falling in love but she didn't think she was capable of ever being attracted to men or boys either yet here she was in this current predicament. This was only the beginning and her feelings would only progress from here. She was, of course, thinking about this from a logical perspective. It's what she did in tense and threatening situations.
Emma didn't want to fall in love with him. She didn't want to end up like her grandfather who suffered from one of the most severe cases of heartbreak. Steve was doing okay but she knew that he'd probably go back in time and marry her grandmother if he could. No, Emma didn't want to end up like him. Besides… Peter liked Liz and he'd probably fall in love with Liz eventually. How could he not? Liz was the ideal girl for Peter… she was innocent, kind, and a damsel in distress. All the things that Emma was not and never could be. Why would Peter ever want anything to do with her? She was cold, cruel, and ruthless… Emma had killed people so she had blood over her hands. And innocence? Well, Rumlow had stolen that from her a long time ago, hadn't he? She was ruined while Liz Allan was perfect in every way… Every guy's dream girl because she was untainted by darkness.
Emma knew that she'd probably fall in love with Peter the longer she stayed there but he would never feel the same. She'd probably end up like Taylor Swift in one of the popstar's pathetic music videos where she stared at a boy longingly, knowing that she could never have him because he loved someone else. Emma wrinkled her nose in disgust. No, she didn't want to end up like Taylor Swift. Emma would rather tell Stark that she loved him rather than end up all love struck over a boy. She wasn't going to allow herself to become reliant on anyone but herself especially since she knew she would only end up hurt.
Emma had made the mistake of becoming too attached to Peter and now she had to fix the situation. She had to do what was best for everyone including herself. If she stayed she'd only drown in her own turmoil and self-loathing. This wasn't what Steve ever wanted for her but Emma knew that she couldn't stay anymore. No, she had to get out of this place before she did anymore damage to herself. Emma had to leave. She was going to follow that instinct Hydra instilled in her when the going got tough.
Run.