Happy April Fool's Day! For those of us who would rather read than prank others, here is an April Fool's gift. Hope you enjoy it! Please review!
4 BBY
Kaleena sensed no ill will from the single lifeform that boarded the ship, so she continued to work on the dashboad with Hondo as music played in the background. She had to admit that Hondo's taste in music wasn't bad.
After a few moments, the door to the cockpit opened. "Vizago?" Kaleena heard as the door closed. "Viz-Vizago, is that you?"
"Not exactly," Hondo replied as he climbed out from underneath the dashboard. Kaleena didn't care to move, but she did glance at the newcomer, no older than fifteen, who pointed a strange looking blaster at the Weequay. "Well, hello there." Hondo pressed a button to turn off the music. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hondo Ohnaka, proud owner of this fine but currently inoperable vessel." He bowed and walked closer to the kid. Yeah, owner.
"Where's Vizago?" the kid asked. Since he was still pointing the blaster at Hondo, Kaleena felt the need to at least sit up. "This is his ship." Kaleena watched the exchange with intrigue since the kid was not letting up on his caution. The helmet he wore seemed a little big and the blaster, while definitely a blaster, felt weird. She could sense the Force around it, like her lightsaber.
"Ah! You know Vizago? Well then, we have a mutual friend!" Kaleena would never call the two friends, especially after today. "Yes, i-it was his ship, but we were enjoying a friendly game of sabaac and, well, now it is my ship." Kaleena resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Hondo's words, but the kid was definitely surprised at the thought of the Devaronian betting his ship.
The kid lowered his blaster. "Vizago bet his ship?" he clarified.
"Right after his droids, which are now also mine." Hondo pulled out the droid controller with happiness. "Watch. I turn them on." The droids came to life. The kid had decent reflexes as he pointed his blaster at the closest droid. "I turn them off." They deactivated once more.
"Y-yeah, I guess that could happen," the kid conceded, glancing between Kaleena and Hondo as he clipped his weapon to his belt.
"You know about me, but who are you?"
The kid pulled off his helmet and held it. "I'm Lando Calrissian." The moment the name came out, Kaleena actually rolled her eyes. She'd heard plenty of pilots and pirates talk about the infamous scoundrel. While young, he was known to be incredibly charming and flamboyant and known for wearing a cape. With all that information popping into Kaleena's memory, she didn't understand how Hondo Ohnaka, obviously a veteran pirate, believed the boy.
"Lando?" Hondo draped his arm around the kid's shoulders like he had done to Kaleena on Rishi. "So at last I meet the semi-famous Lando Calrissian!" He brought him over to the dashboard. "A tad younger than I pictured, but to be so young and flying to my rescue proves that you must be the scoundrel I have heard of." Hondo patted the kid on the back.
"Yeah, I mean I am pretty good." The fake Lando then looked at Kaleena, who still sat on the ground. "And you are?"
"Cat," Kaleena clipped, returning to working on getting the ship operational once more.
An uncomfortable silence spread between the three as "Lando" was unsure of how to respond. Hondo fixed it. Laughing awkwardly, he said, "Are you looking for a crew? You know, Hondo is hiring."
"Uh, I already have a crew," the kid replied. "Speaking of, where'd my droid go?"
"Oh, you lost your droid, I lost my crew, thanks to the Empire." Hondo sighed. "I once was a captain, you know. Oh, the stories I could tell. So many of them true." Kaleena paused at his words, and thought, What? Shouldn't they all be true?
The dashboard started beeping at something that Kaleena didn't do. Kaleena immediately sensed trouble and stood as quickly as she could. Out the windshield, an Imperial cruiser was approaching. "Blast," she muttered.
"Uh, yeah, you wanna tell a story?" the kid asked, turning off the alarm, gently moving Kaleena out of the way, and crawling under the dash. "Tell a story to the Empire while I get the power back on." He went to work quickly, obviously knowing more about mechanics and electrical wires than Kaleena.
Hondo pressed the comm button. "Hello?" he answered. "How can we help you?"
"Attention transport," the Imperial lackey began, "you have breached an Imperial checkpoint."
"Hyperspace would be good," Hondo told "Lando".
Kaleena stumbled and gripped a chair as the cruiser opened fire on the transport. The kid got up. "I think I got it," he said. A droid them entered the cockpit, waving two grasping arms and beeping loudly. The droid went directly to the main access terminal.
"Well, Lando, it looks like we are on an adventure," Hondo exclaimed as the ship entered hyperspace. Kaleena relaxed in one of the chairs as Hondo sat in the pilot chair. "It is as if we are in each other's heads. The three of us only just met and we already make a remarkable team." Hondo leaned back, lacing his hands behind his head and propping his feet up.
The kid looked at Kaleena, with a confused and weirded out expression, silently as if Hondo was completely out of his mind. Kaleena just shook her head and shrugged. Like she really knew anything about the Weequay.
"Yeah, but we're not." Fake Lando gripped his helmet in his hands and put it on as Hondo jumped from his seat.
"Not yet, perhaps." The kid started towards the door, ready to leave the ship and the crazy Weequay. "You know, I could use you for a job. A little trade, that is all." Fake Lando, glanced at me and pointed. "Hired muscle." Hondo sucked in a sharp breath. "I am an old man. I just need help pushing a few crates."
The kid folded his arms across his chest. "Crates of what?" he asked. His droid answered for Hondo. A hologram image of the crates and their contents, which Kaleena hadn't originially known about. "Woah, woah, power generators? That's what you're smuggling. These are pretty hard to get these days, old man. Expensive, too."
Hondo nodded."You're right, which is why we will sell them at a fair mark up. Five hundred percent." Kaleena's eyebrows shot up, but Hondo didn't see. Since when does five hundred percent count as a fair mark up?
Fake Lando considered his request for aid. "Okay, I'll help you. You give me my cut in power generators. Three crates." He held his hand up with the number to accentuate his stance.
"Alright. Two crates and you have a deal."
"Two." The kid paused but went with it. "And we split the profit of the third."
The two shook hands as Hondo said, "Deal." He laughed at the exhange and wrapped his arm around the kid. "The way you strike a bargain, you remind me of a great pirate I know." Kaleena barely noticed the boy swipe the remote from Hondo's belt. He definitely had practice. "Me! Ha! Now, let's go split up the merchandise."
As Hondo exited the cockpit, Kaleena used the Force, discreetly, to shut the door behind the Weequay as she grabbed the kid's orange collar, holding him back. "Listen, I don't know you, but I'm assuming you gave Hondo a fake name since you don't trust him," she said quickly. He was about to reply, but she held up her hand. "You shouldn't. I've barely known him for a few hours and I'm already trying to leave as quickly as I can. You'll probably understand why soon. Give the remote to your droid so Hondo doesn't notice you have it."
"How did you-?" he tried to ask, but Kaleena wasn't in the mood for stupid questions.
"I've heard plenty of stories about the infamous Lando Calrissian to know you aren't him, and I saw you grab the controller. Most people wouldn't have noticed, so don't worry about your skills." Kaleena let him go and looked at his bright blue eyes. She held out her hand as a peace offering. "I'm Kaleena."
The boy gingerly took her hand and shook it. "Ezra. This is Chopper." He gestured to the droid as he gave it the droid controller. "How did you get caught up with Hondo?"
Kaleena shook her head. "That's a story for another time. You should probably catch up with him so he doesn't suspect something's wrong."
With a sharp nod, Ezra left the cockpit with Chopper trailing behind, leaving Kaleena in silence. She ended up glaring at her backpack to pass the time, contemplating why Ezra's blaster had a Force signature before the three returned. Ezra still awkward and Hondo still annoying. Soon the ship came out of hyperspace. Ezra, Chopper, and Kaleena went to unload the crates.
"Hey, stay here unless there's any kind of trouble," Ezra said.
Kaleena looked at him. "You better be talking to the droid," she told him blandly.
"Actually, I was talking to both of you," he replied. At the sight of her frustrated expression, he began stumbling over his words. "What I mean is-I just have-it's not personal, I swear." Ezra sighed. "I've got experience dealing with these types of situations, and I don't want anyone to get hurt."
While the sentiment was nice, Kaleena was tired of being pushed to the side. "Thanks, but I can take care of myself." The girl pushed the crates forward, catching up with Hondo, leaving Ezra and Chopper.
"Hurry it up, Lando!" Hondo called to the boy. "We're on a schedule!"
Ezra caught up to the two with Chopper staying behind. The three passed through the halls, watching as aliens and humans passed by. "So, who is the buyer, anyway?" Ezra asked the Weequay. His question was answered as they passed through a doorway into the hangar. The door closed behind the trio.
A big, orange Jablogian sat on top of a floating chair with two guards stationed behind him. He was angry as he hopped down, holding a small crate of credits. "Alright, where's Vizago?" he demanded from the three.
"Azmorigan," Kaleena heard Ezra mutter as he closed the blaster shield of his helmet. He didn't sound particularly pleased either, so Kaleena was immediately on edge.
"Ah, Vizago is indisposed, so to speak," Hondo answered easily, resting one of his hands on his belt. "Granting me the privilege of conducting business with you, oh, legendary one." He was good at kissing up to people and flattering their egos. The three continued forward, Ezra and Kaleena stopping the crates a short distance from the Jablogian. "Hondo Ohnaka, at your service."
Azmorigan began laughing. "Is this a joke? I don't deal with washed up, old relics."
"Come now, let's leave your wife out of this." Kaleena had to bite her cheek to avoid laughing despite the tension in the room. "There's no need for such impropriety among thieves. I am certain we can reach an accord."
"I'm certain we can, hmm." Without an order, guards pointed their blasters at the trio from all nooks and crannies of the hangar bay. Kaleena, Ezra, and Hondo raised their hands immediately. The girl was regretting not staying at the ship.
"That was easy," Hondo murmured. Kaleena couldn't tell if he was still optimistic or being sarcastic.
Ezra was definitely being sarcastic. "Nice going, partner," he stated, quickly pressing his comlink. "Looks like you got us captured. It would be nice if we had some backup." If Kaleena hadn't seen him turn on his comm, she'd think he was insane.
The three were cuffed and forced at gunpoint onto a now empty anti-gravity platform next to a shoot which led directly to the far side of the hangar. It was going to shoot them into space.
"Just a thought," Hondo started, "but why don't we just call it even and go through with the original deal. Sounds good, yes?"
The Jablogian laughed maniacally. "I appreciate your offer, humbly, but I don't think you're going to be around to collect." He gestured to one of his guards who pressed a button, opening the hangar bay doors and starting up the loading dolly.
Hondo finally understood he couldn't talk his way out of this. His voice grew grave and slow. "Azmorigan, take the fruits of our labor if you must. That I understand, but this? Is it necessary?"
"Oh, yes." Azmorigan hugged his credits closely. "You see, the Rang Clan has a nice bounty on your head. I'll collect these generators and then collect an additional profit from your death." He laughed more.
"Your business plan is impressive," Hondo conceded, sounding disappointed.
"Of course it is. It's mine." He jabbed roughly towards himself. Azmorigan might have a greater ego than Hondo, which is saying something. The Jablogian then turned to the two kids, who sat in silence, bot devising a way to get out. "Who is this?" He pointed at Ezra, still wearing his helmet. One of the guards took it off, revealing his face. "Hey, hey, I know you from somewhere. Calrissian's farm on Lothal!"
Hondo, at the one time he shouldn't have spoken, decided to speak. "Well, of course, you know him. This is my long time friend, Lando Calrissian."
Ezra simply continued trying to hide his face, hoping Azmorigan wouldn't recognize him. But he did. "What? No. He's not Calrissian."
The Weequay slowly turned his head to the boy. "You lied to me?" While he originally sounded hurt, it quickly flipped like a switch. "I knew I liked you!"
Kaleena looked at him incredulously. "That's what you get out of this? As we're about to be shot into space?"
Hondo didn't get the chance to reply as Azmorigan began speaking to himself and readying the loading dolly. "You robbed me. Oh, I will enjoy this. I get to collect on Ohnaka. I get to kill you. I get rid of an associate so there's no revenge. And I get to keep the five generators. All of them. Five crates of-" Azmorigan realized that there were only four crates. "W-w-w-wait, there are only four crates here." He stepped close to Hondo, as close as he could, trying to be threatening. "You were supposed to bring me five!"
The Weequay offered a smug grin. "Well, the droid had the fifth crate."
"Droid?" The main door opened, revealing a speeding Chopper and the last crate. "Blast him!" The droids began to open fire on the orange droid. Some of the guards were shoved aside by the flying crate, courtesy of Chopper, while two more were kicked down by Kaleena and Ezra, who both jumped into the fray, taking advantage of the chaos.
Kaleena used the Force to undo her restraints as Hondo started up the dolly that now had two guards on it. Both were shot into space. Azmorigan regained his senses and began to shoot at the two humans, the Weequay, and the droid. "Die, you pirate scum!" the Jablogian exclaimed, shooting at them. They ducked behind the controls and one of the crates.
"Well, this is fun," Hondo pointed out. "What's the plan?"
"Uh, I don't know. Ask the droid." Yes, because Kaleena is going to listen to a plan made by a droid. She let out a frustrated sigh.
"Lando, watch out!" Instead of ducking at Hondo's warning, Ezra jumped from his spot, bringing his hands under his legs. It was perfect timing. The blaster bolt broke his own cuffs, the force of it throwing him back, but he landed on his feet.
"Hey, get my blaster," Ezra called to Chopper, who was parked behind the guard. Chopper stunned him and grabbed the blaster from the guard's belt. "Toss it over here!" Chopper swerved to avoid blaster bolts. The droid threw it to him. Ezra caught it with ease, shooting Hondo's own restraints to free him. He started shooting at Azmorigan as Kaleena ducked out from behind the barrier and threw one of the guards to the ground, knocking him out.
She was occupied up until seeing something barrel towards Hondo and Ezra. Hondo pushed Ezra out of the way, both flying in opposite directions. Hondo landed on a platform which sat on top of the loading dolly. Chopper took care of the Azmorigan problem, shooting at him with two blasters. Kaleena hurried over to Hondo, trying to make it there before the now sparking control panel shot the platform forward.
Kaleena was too late. The dolly shot forward quickly. For a moment, Kaleena was stunned, unsure of what to do. She realized quickly and reached out with the Force after the crate of credits landed in Hondo's lap, not noticing Ezra do the same thing. Both could feel the other's Force signature wrap around the pirate, keeping him safely in the ship hangar. Together, the two Force users set Hondo on the floor with the credit box gripped tightly in his hands.
Azmorigan was able to escape on his ship. "Very good," Hondo said. "My friends, you might not be Calrissian, but I know one thing you are. You two are Jedi."