Chapter Four: Teddy Bear's Picnic

Greetings All! I, Bella Swan, have been spending the last several weeks trying to avoid the newly mated vampires of the house. But I've been around enough that I can definitely bring you up to speed on what's been happening.

Here's the recap:

First, Carlisle turned Renée.

Since my control is unusually good for a newborn, they didn't see any harm in doing it so soon after my change. And they were right. Apparently, and might I add, surprisingly, it seems that my mother is whom I inherit my exceptional self-control from.

Who could have guessed, based on the disorganized mess she has always been, that my mother wouldn't even be slightly tempted to indulge in human blood? Like literally not even a little bit tempted.

They even wanted to test it, so they opened an IV style bag of human blood and waved it in front of her nose and she actually took a whiff of it, smiled and said: "No thank you, I'd rather have a deer." So the powers that be definitely got it right in making her Carlisle's mate. She's sickeningly perfect for him.

After that, Esme turned Phil.

Who is apparently not a hippy pacifist like my mother. The first thing he did, was try to eat Charlie. Which did not go over so well with Alice who punched him in the nose. Which upset Esme so much that Alice decided to take Charlie back to his place until newborn Phil was better able to control himself.

Of course, none of that was why I myself had been staying away. Nope, what was driving me crazy was the sex they were all having. And since I wasn't getting any from anywhere, I took off into the woods as often as I could to hunt and fell trees.

My mother, of course, gave me a lecture about how I shouldn't take my frustrations out on the trees but I chose to ignore her, lest I become tempted to take my frustrations out by ripping her limbs off instead. Which was frankly far more appealing than I cared to admit.

Okay, so now you're all caught up, oh goody!

So here we go, back to the present then!

(Insert your own time-travelling sounds here. Because I, for one, haven't the foggiest idea of what time travel sounds like.)

I am currently sitting in an outcropping of rocks that houses a perfectly delightful little waterfall. I am sitting here because I am trying to rinse the memories of my mother's sex noises out of my brain. Apparently even sitting in a waterfall isn't enough water to do that though.

I will admit that I find myself very surprised when I realize that I am not alone. I hiss at the intruder, only to see Emmett's face appear wearing a ridiculously adorable little pout. "Sissy don't be mad. I thought you might want some company," he says, extending his hand to pull my soggy, waterlogged self out of the waterfall.

"I'm not mad, Em. But you know you probably shouldn't sneak up on a newborn." I grumble.

"I didn't think I was, Baby Bells. I assumed you'd hear me coming. I didn't realize until I got really close that your head was in the actual waterfall and you couldn't hear anything." He shrugs. "Forgive me?"

"Of course." I nod.

"Good." He grins. "So, who's next?"

"Huh? What do you mean 'who's next'?" is my brilliant retort.

"Well, you're still looking for your mate, right? You ruled out Carlisle, so who's next?" He asks, seeming genuinely curious.

I have to laugh a little. It's pretty obvious at this point who he hopes is next. "Why Emmett McCarty Cullen, did you come all the way out here to proposition me?" I ask, trying to sound way more upset about the idea than I actually am. Thankfully I'm still sitting in the waterfall, so he can't smell my arousal.

"Umm, not if it's gonna make you mad?" He backpedals worriedly.

I sigh dramatically. "If you came all the way out here, JUST TO GET LAID…" I yell, pulling my shirt off before he knows what is happening.

"Then I guess you've come to the right place." I grin, throwing my shirt in his face with a giggle.

"Hey! No fair, Bells! I thought you were furious with me!" Emmett grumbles, sounding a little like a disgruntled bear cub.

"I could never be furious with you, Em," I smirk. "You're too fucking adorable to be mad at." Side note, sometimes teenage girls also swear when they are excruciatingly horny. Oh, and by the way, I still don't have a pen. Maybe I could borrow one? Nevermind, I'll probably just drop it in the waterfall when Emmett tackles me. Which is about to happen next. At least, if the look in his eyes is any indicator. Here, watch, let's see what happens!

"I am, am I?" Emmett beams, stalking toward me. He leaps and lands in my lap with a thud. "Adorable enough for you to want to kiss me?"

I have to laugh that a big, giant, hunk of sex-on-legs like Emmett sounds even a little unsure of himself. "Trust me, Em, I've wanted to kiss you ever since I first found out you weren't mated," I admit.

"Thank fuck!" He exhales, obviously relieved. Teenage boys tend to swear too. Especially when facing the possibility of rejection.

And so, I kiss him. It is a deep, searing kiss that leaves me wanting more. But even with the tremendous amount of passion it evokes, I can still tell that Emmett is not the one. Which sucks on one hand because I love Emmett and I think it would take very little for me to fall head over heels for him. But on the other hand, it means I still haven't found my mate yet, which means I get to keep searching and so far the searching has been pretty fun!

Emmett pulls back just enough to ask, "Anything?"

"Sadly, no. But I still want to do this," I assure him.

"Me too." He nods, probably thinking the same thing as me, that his mate is still out there, somewhere.

I kiss him again before either of us have a chance to get mopey about it. And just like that, the passion is back on full blast!

I push him into the little lagoon at the bottom of the waterfall and tear my clothes off before diving in after him. Well...it is a shallow lagoon, so I guess diving in isn't the right word. More like, landing on my head. Which really hurts. "Ow, fuck!" I groan when I surface. Emmett, of course, is laughing hysterically at me. Not sure how he thinks that will help him get laid but I guess I must've looked pretty funny!

And yes, teenage girls apparently also swear when they crack their heads on the bottoms of lagoons. Which probably happens more often than you might think it would. Anyway, I digress.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asks through his laughter. I want to be mad at him for laughing at me, but Em is a big goofy teddy bear and I can't bring myself to yell at him. Because unlike Rosalie and the Tin Woodsman, I have a heart.

So, instead, I laugh with him. "Yeah, mostly." I nod, rubbing my head. "Although, I'll be just perfect if you kiss it better…" I offer.

So Em proceeds to pepper my head with little kisses. "I think I hurt my neck too. You should probably kiss it as well, just to be safe." I smirk.

He grins when he realizes my fiendish plan. "I think after a fall like that, you probably hurt all over. Would you like me to kiss you better, all over?"

"Yes, please!" I nod emphatically as he begins to devour me with kisses all over my body. When his kisses take a southern turn, they are joined by his fingers and he begins to use his tongue on me too.

Soon, Em is turning me into a moaning, mewling mess and I cry out at the top of my lungs, screaming his name as he drives me to orgasm.

"Em, I need you inside of me," I plead.

"Yes, Ma'am," he whispers, crawling on top of me and positioning himself between my legs. Soon, I feel him press inside of me and begin fucking me into the embankment at vampire speed.

"Oh, yes!" I groan, twinning my hands behind his neck, pulling his mouth closer so I can kiss him.

Three or four orgasms later, I notice something. When we started out, there was a wall of earth behind me, but now? There is earth on all three sides of me.

"Uhhh, Em? I think we're making the lagoon bigger." I laugh, staring at the little channel we made.

"Yep! Happens all the time." He chuckles, beaming. "Rosie calls it landscaping. You wouldn't believe how many geographic features in the area looked different before we plowed into them during coitus."

I have to giggle at the idea of Emmett changing the landscape of Washington with his lovemaking. "That's priceless!" Then I look at the channel again and consider it. "We should move over and keep going around in a circle to even this out because right now, this looks pretty man-made."

"Oh, yeah. I usually do. I guess I just got really distracted because we've never done this before. You're pretty amazing, Bells." He grins sheepishly.

"So are you, Em. And hey, are you still gonna be my big brother after this?" I ask hopefully.

"Yep." He nods. "It's just gonna be a whole lot kinkier, that's all."

"Oh good. I can handle kinky." I wink, pulling him back down to me to finish what we started.

And I have to say, by the time we climb out of the water, the lagoon looks pretty amazing.

"Maybe we can come back here again sometime for an encore?" He suggests, looking hopeful.

"That depends if your mate shows up at our door right away like Carlisle's did." I snicker.

"Or yours," he counters."That could happen just as easily."

"It could…but I'm starting to get the feeling my story has a lot more chapters in it than that." I sigh. "Which reminds me, I need to get Esme to put a pen on the shopping list for me."

"A pen? Why do you need a pen?" Emmett asks, perplexed.

"For the story, I've been writing in my head of course."

(And here you all thought I was gonna break the fourth wall again didn't you? Oh wait, crap, I just did! Oops, ignore my ramblings, Emmett is about to respond!)

"You've been writing a story, Bells?" Em grins.

"Yep, I started it during my change. It ends when I find my mate," I tell him.

Emmett lights up like a Christmas Tree. "Am I in it?"

I have a chuckle at his boyish exuberance. "Of course! We're writing it right now. This is your chapter."

"Oooh! Can I give it a title, please?" He begs.

"Sure, Em. What should we call it?"

He thinks for a moment and looks a little like Winnie The Pooh while doing so. "I know! How about Teddy Bear's Picnic?"

"That's cute, Em!" I grin. "But we aren't having a picnic."

Emmett beams. "Yes, we are, Sissy. Lunch just showed up!"

And sure enough, I look and see a mountain lion off in the distance, in hot pursuit of a deer. Little does Mr. Cougar know, he know he picked the wrong restaurant today!

"I call dibs on the carnivore!" Em cheers.

"Cool, I'll race ya!" I laugh.

"You're on!"