Chapter Eight: Oh Baby!
Is everybody excited? I know I sure am because it's recap time! And no, this time I am not having sex while I write this. At least, not yet anyway.
Okay, so here's what you missed in between chapters:
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid tried to come back again. I mean, you'd think he would learn, right? Nobody wants to see you, ya whiny man-child! Anyway, Alice put him off of the idea again, but she probably can't keep dissuading his sorry ass forever, so eventually, I'm gonna have to face him. *sigh*
But, in brighter news, Garrett the Sexy Patriot is on his way! He should be here within the hour. That's why I'm currently scribbling this down (on paper! with a pen!) while I can because hopefully, soon I will be standing in line for the newest attraction in town if you catch my meaning ;-P
And yes, they confirmed for me that he is sexy. Carlisle showed me a picture and wow! I definitely hope I meet the height requirement to ride the New England Dreamboat, yum yum! Maybe he'll even be my mate, wouldn't that be something?
Oh, and speaking of Carlisle, which we were for all of two seconds (Remember, I'm a newborn with the attention span of a gnat here! Although, is that really a fair comparison? Has anyone actually ever measured a gnat's attention span? Maybe we're giving those little guys a bad rep for nothing. I mean, ya never know, right?), he proposed. To Renée. During sex.
And she said yes, which caused them to come running out of their room naked to tell everyone their news. An image which I am still trying to scrub from my photographic vampire memory (emphasis on the graphic part in this case). So yeah, my mother and the first man I ever boned are getting married now. Yay me!
But I don't really have time to fully process that now, because I hear a car. A car? I thought this Garrett guy was one of those restless nomad types who ran everywhere…why would he be in a car?
As the car turns down our driveway though, I can tell it isn't Garrett. Because the car has three heartbeats in it. Alice and Charlie are out hunting, so she isn't here to tell us who it is. Carlisle got called into work due to an emergency at the hospital and he took Renée into town with him, since her control is so perfect. Emmett and Rose are in Port Angeles seeing a movie because she lost a bet and has to give him head in the dark theatre.
So the only people home besides me are Jasper, who last I saw him, was listening to music and reading one of his Civil War books, and Esme and Phil who are working on installing a swimming pool in the backyard.
When the car gets closer, I realize that the people in it are familiar to me. It's Angela Webber and Jessica Stanley. Ah crap! They're probably here because none of us have been to school in a really long time, so they're probably curious.
As far as the school and the Forks PD knows, my dad cashed in his vacation time and he and I are visiting my mom in Phoenix. Meanwhile, Esme had called the school to say that she was taking the Cullen kids to visit a sick relative in Alaska. But the school wouldn't have disclosed that information to other students.
I suppose I should probably go let Jasper know and see what he thinks we should do about them.
As I head toward his study, I hear the car door open and close and am frozen in place by what I hear next.
"Phillip no! Phil stop!" Esme cries frantically. "Jasper, Bella, help! Come quickly!"
Ahh, fuck me! (And not in the good way)
I run downstairs at vamp speed, past the point of caring what my school friends see or don't see because I'm fairly certain that Phil is currently eating them.
Sure enough, when I get into the yard, Esme is desperately trying to pry Phil off of Angela while Jessica cowers in shock on the other side of the car.
"She's on her period! The blood was too much for him!" Esme explains in a whisper as I help her get my former step-dad away from Angela.
Thankfully, Jasper must've heard the ruckus too and he comes outside hitting everyone with a wave of calm.
"Esme, Phil needs ta hunt. I'm comin' with ya in case he loses control again. Bella, can ya please take Angela n' Jessica inside an' explain things to Jessica? You can lay Angela down in the guest room fer now. Alice will have seen this, so she an' Charlie should be home soon ta help." Jasper instructs.
"Sure thing, Jazz." I nod, as he and Esme proceed to haul Phil into the woods. "Follow me, Jessica. You're safe now." I say, picking Angela up and carrying her carefully inside with Jessica trailing behind us.
I take Ang upstairs and lay her on the bed in the guest room. She's screaming but there's nothing I can do about that now. I need to attend to the living human friend who seems to have two heartbeats.
"I'm sure you have questions…" I begin, setting a mug of herbal tea in front of Jess.
"Yeah! Starting with what the fuck, Bella!?" She squeaks in a high pitched whine.
I sigh and try to figure out how best to explain. "Okay, so, remember how everyone always thought the Cullens were weird? Well, they're not weird, they're just vampires. And now I am one as well. Surprise!" I laugh nervously.
"That's why you haven't been at school?" Jessica surmises after a pause.
"Yeah. I'll be able to go back eventually, but probably not until we move somewhere else because I look different now." I shrug.
"You don't necessarily look that different, Bella. If you got contacts, people would just assume you started wearing makeup and got your hair done," Jess says, looking me over.
"Maybe. I suppose I could try," I ponder.
"Is…Angela...dead?" Jess asks bravely.
"She's changing into a vampire. It's what happens when a vamp bites you but doesn't take enough blood to kill you," I explain. "The Cullens drink animal blood. It's why their eyes are tawny instead of red. Mine will be gold too, once I have been a vampire a bit longer. They start off red but the animal blood diet changes them."
"If the Cullens drink animal blood, who was that man and why did he bite Angela?" she questions.
"He's my step-dad, or at least he was. Now he's Esme's mate. It's really hard for most newborn vampires to control the bloodlust when they first change. My mom and I have really good control, but my dad and Phil are just regular newborns," I tell her. Fuck this is boring.
"Oh. So when they change you, they have to change your whole family?"
I laugh. "No, that's just in my fucked-up case. A nomad vampire bit me in Phoenix and I changed, which is a really long story. But Charlie was changed because he is Alice's mate, my mom was changed for Carlisle, and Phil was changed for Esme."
"Oh wow. So, your family and Edward's family are all intermarried now? That's kind of messed up. Are you still with Edward?" She wonders.
"Actually, I changed his name to Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, and he hasn't been around because he's a waste of skin and nobody wants to see him. I've been having sex with the rest of the Cullens trying to find my mate. But none of them are it, so now I have to broaden my horizons. In fact, my next date should be here soon," I explain as if Garrett is just some guy I swiped on Tinder. I can never remember if it's left or right that you swipe when you like them. Thankfully there's no dating app for vampires!
"Oh wow! You're not a virgin anymore!? Neither am I," Jess admits.
"Yeah, I can tell by the whole baby on the way thing. Congrats." I nod.
"Who told you, was it Ang? She swore she wouldn't say anything." She grumbles.
"No, I can hear the heartbeat," I explain, pointing to her stomach.
"You can!? Is she healthy?" She asks in awe.
"I don't know, I'm not a fuckin' doctor. Hell, I'm not even fucking a doctor anymore, since my mom showed up and ruined that. But I'm sure Carlisle would be happy to examine you if you ask him nicely." I sigh.
"You fucked Carlisle!?" She gasps. "What was it like?"
"Pretty great, until my mom showed up. But not the greatest of the Cullens. That would be Jasper." I grin.
"You fucked them all?" She says with her jaw hanging open.
"Yeah, I told you that already. I'm trying to find my mate," I remind her.
Where the hell are Alice and Charlie? Babysitting Jessica is not my idea of a blast and I have a gorgeous nomad to greet shortly.
"Wow. I wish I was a vampire! Your life sounds so carefree and primal now!" She states enviously.
"It is." I nod. "Just don't let Rosalie hear you say that. Being human means you get to do the one thing she never got to. Vampires can't have children."
"They can't? That's awful. I would totally trade places with her though if I could. I'm terrified about being a mother. My own mother is...a piece of shit," Jess admits. "So I keep thinking as long as I just do the opposite of everything she did, then I'll hopefully be okay."
I smile, knowing all too well what it's like to have a strained relationship with your mother.
"Do you have a name picked out yet?" I ask her.
"I like Annabeth but Mike keeps trying to convince me to name her Michaela." She sighs dramatically.
"Is Mike…?" How do you ask someone who their baby daddy is without sounding judgy? I don't really know, so hopefully, she gets my meaning.
"Yeah, she's his. But we're not together. We got drunk at a party and hooked up. He's signing over his parental rights to me when she's born." Jessica tells me. I'm no empath, but she definitely sounds a bit sad about it.
"Well, that's likely for the best. There's something I should probably tell you," I admit, lightly chewing my lip.
"I knew it! You like him, don't you?" She accuses.
"Gross! Not in a million years, Jess! No offense…he just isn't my type." I shrug. "No, what I was going to say wasn't about Mike, it was about you."
"You like me? Bella, I'm flattered, but I don't actually swing that way." Jess worries.
"Neither do I, Jess. I'm not gay like that actress everyone says I look like. I like cock." I assure her.
"Okay...so I'm confused, what's the problem?" She questions.
"The problem is, you know about vampires now. There are laws against humans knowing about us. When a human finds out, they are supposed to either be changed or killed," I tell her. "So it's actually a good thing that Mike doesn't want to be involved with you or the baby. We're probably going to have to turn you after the baby is born. Unless of course, you want to spend your life hiding from vampires?"
"Shit. I didn't realize. Umm, it seems pretty cool to be a vampire. But what will happen to Annabeth?" She frets.
"You should still be able to raise her, you'll just have to keep your distance at first until your control is adequate," I explain, just as Alice and Charlie return from hunting.
Charlie wisely stays outside since the last thing we need is for Jessica to get eaten. Alice zips into the room with us, grinning like a crazy person. "Hi, Jessica! Don't worry! I've seen that it won't take you very long to master your control at all. Annabeth makes a very powerful motivator. Bella, Garrett is almost here. I crossed his scent on our way back here. If you want to go greet him, I can stay with Jess?" Alice offers.
"Is that okay with you, Jessica?" I ask hopefully.
"Yeah, that's fine. Enjoy your date." She nods.
"Thanks, I'm sure I will!" I beam, and zoom off into the woods to find me a sexy manpire!
After a few minutes of searching (because apparently isolating the scent of one specific vampire, in a forest which many vampires traverse regularly, is a slightly difficult task) I find him.
I'm surprised to find him naked, standing against a tree, smoking a cigarette though. I had assumed he'd be heading to the house.
"Took you long enough, Woman." He smirks.
"Huh?" Brilliant, Bella.
"Jasper texted me earlier and said watch for a sexy brunette newborn who'll likely ambush ya on yer way in, lookin' ta hook up. So I decided to strip down and wait here to see if he was serious or just fuckin' with me. I was starting to assume it must be the latter, but now here you are, a sexy brunette newborn, so I assume you want to bone?" He confirms with a cocky grin.
"Oh! Yes, please. I'm trying to find my mate and sex seems to be the easiest, most fun way to do that," I clarify.
"Oh okay, that makes more sense now. I wondered why he didn't just bone you himself, but I imagine you already tried that?" He confirms.
"Yep." I nod. "Tried all the Cullen men and a feral nomad who looked like Tarzan and spoke in monosyllabic grunts. You seem like an improvement from Tarzan, so here's hoping."
"Yeah, I'd love to have a mate as beautiful as you are. Though I can't say it isn't a little weird to think you were with Carlisle first. That's almost as bizarre as the idea of boning Esme." He laughs.
"Hey, how do you think I feel? Less than an hour after I had sex with him, I found out my own mother is his mate. Talk about needing therapy!" I chuckle.
"Oh, shit! Your mom is Carlisle's mate? That must be ridiculously awkward."
"Very, yeah. Not to mention, my step-dad turned out to be Esme's mate and my dad turned out to be Alice's," I admit.
"Wow. Apparently, you must be really good luck. Maybe if it turns out you aren't my mate, some of that luck will rub off on me," he suggests hopefully.
"Well, I guess we won't know until we try." I nod, taking my clothes off.
I poach his cigarette and take a long drag. (Only because I am a vampire. Vampires cannot get lung cancer. Do not try this at home boys and girls. You are not vampires! Smoking will kill you. I repeat smoking will kill you!)
"Even more beautiful than I imagined. And I generally have a pretty great imagination," he compliments.
"Thank you, Sir." I beam, stepping into his waiting arms. I kiss him frantically, hoping for a magical zing that sadly isn't there. Oh well, I guess I should have known I have a few more frogs to kiss before I find my prince.
At least this particular frog is a good kisser.
"I'm sorry." He sighs, having obviously come to the same realization.
"Don't apologize. Unless you plan on being a bad lay." I smirk, pushing him up against the tree.
"Oh sweet! You still want to sample the goods." He beams eagerly.
"Of course! It's good practice for when I do find my mate." I reason, dropping to my knees and taking him in my mouth. I work his shaft like a popsicle and his head like a tootsie pop.
In hindsight, I'm really grateful that Renée made me eat so many of those in my younger teen years. I never understood at the time why lollipops and frozen treats were "important for my future" but now I get it.
"Oh Honey." Garrett groans. "With cocksucking skills like those, I don't think you really need much practice."
I smile around his swollen member. "You're sweet." I say, without taking my mouth off him, so it comes out sounding more like "Uull thwit." so I hope he understands.
It doesn't take me long to get him off, and thanks to vampire stamina, he's ready to go again right away. He stands me up and pushes me back against another tree. I wrap my legs around him as he buries himself balls deep inside of me.
It isn't long before I feel myself falling backward as the tree collapses with the force of his thrusting. He skillfully maneuvers us into a horizontal position against the fallen tree and I soon know what Esme meant when she was complaining to Phil about getting splinters of wood in her ass because vampire or not, that shit hurts!
The pleasure, of course, is more than enough to counteract the discomfort and soon I succumb to his talented moves, careening over the precipice of bliss.
Three more orgasms later and one more for him, and we decide to head back to the house. We don't hunt together like I usually do after sex, because our diets are very different and he isn't allowed to hunt in the area anyway because of the treaty. So I spend the walk back to the house explaining to him what happened with Angela and Jess and once he is caught up, we head inside.
Alice and Jessica are sitting in the living room. I'm about to introduce Garrett to Jess when Alice gasps, coming out of a vision. "Bella, go get Jasper, quickly! Garrett is about to hyperventilate!"
"What? Why?" I ask, puzzled.
"Because! Jessica, it would seem, is his mate. Pregnant Jessica," Alice says frantically.
Oh shit! I take off running for the woods as fast as I can. As I run, I hear the beginnings of what can only be described as the vampire version of a panic attack.
Well, at least we found Jess a vampire baby daddy. Once he has time to fully process, that is.
Hopefully, she won't be as mad as my mom that I banged her mate, oops! I've seriously gotta stop doing that. (Although, I'm pretty sure if I stopped having sex, that would mean the end of this story. And I don't think you guys are ready for that yet, right?)
I find Jasper a little way away from Esme and Phil who are fucking beside the carcass of a moose. "Jasper, you have to come back to the house! Garrett just found out he's gonna have a baby!"
"Umm, what?" Jazz laughs puzzled.
"Nevermind, I'll explain it on the way!" I huff, grabbing his hand and dragging him through the woods with me.
Well, I bet you weren't expecting that!